Niece's Best Friend Accused My Husband Of Being A CREEP And Said I Was Groomed

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. Let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from OddReference1373 from the Am I Overreacting subreddit. And it says, am I overreacting because I told my niece I don't want to take her best friend with us anymore.

[00:00:31] [SPEAKER_00] After she kept telling me I was a victim and my husband was a creep. Recently, I34 female took my niece and her best friend out for lunch and Christmas shopping. They were talking about boys they liked and niece's friend asked how I met my husband, 40 male. I told her I basically knew him my whole life and she immediately made a disgusted face and yelled rather loudly, ew that's gross. You didn't even realize you were a victim do you? You married your groomer. I was really mad at it.

[00:01:01] [SPEAKER_00] I was really bothered by it and by my niece's silence. But I ignored her and told them to just keep shopping. People assume that because we have a six year age gap that we knew each other most of our lives and that we started dating when I was 20. That I was groomed. They don't let me explain how it happened in the first place.

[00:01:20] [SPEAKER_00] After I dropped off niece's friend, I told her I didn't want to do any more outings with that friend anymore. She's 15 so she unsurprisingly lost her cool. Refusing to admit that her friend stepped over the line by talking to me how she did. Am I overreacting? I didn't say anything personal about the girl and I wasn't yelling. I just said look, I don't want to take you and friend's name out anymore. You can bring friends with but I don't want to be around her.

[00:01:48] [SPEAKER_00] For anyone interested in deciding whether the niece's friend was right, my husband and I did grow up together. He's been my older brother's best friend since they were eight. So we probably met when I was two or three. He lives two blocks over. So he was always around. My brother always included me when his friends came over. So when it was board games or video games, I was always there.

[00:02:10] [SPEAKER_00] As we all got older, they would all let me go with them to the movies or to skate parks or most places they went. Neither had a problem with me being around. My husband and I didn't hang out on our own though. Not any more than a few minutes of idle chatting if he came by and my brother wasn't there anyway. We never had each other's phone numbers and we didn't seek out one another. I had a little crush on him most of my life. It was just a man, he is so cute kind of crush. Not a how do I make him notice me more crush.

[00:02:40] [SPEAKER_00] We never thought anything about the other dating. We both admit now that some of our exes were real doozies but we weren't close enough friends to butt in that way. We weren't best friends but both of us referred to the other as a friend. So when I went away to college, we weren't in contact unless I called my brother and they were hanging out together. When I drove home for winter break my first year, my car broke down. It wasn't budging.

[00:03:05] [SPEAKER_00] I was on a poorly lit back road in the middle of nowhere and I panicked. I called my brother and asked if he knew what his friend was doing right then. He worked on cars a lot and had a friend with a tow truck that would let him use it. Turned out that they were hanging out that night. So my future husband asked where I was and said, No problem, I'll get you. An hour and a half later, he showed up as promised.

[00:03:31] [SPEAKER_00] He told me to get in the truck to warm up and that he brought me a blanket and a thermos of coffee. He got my car on the truck and hopped in, making sure I was doing okay and asking if I needed to stop anywhere before we got home. Then he asked why I didn't call him in the first place. I reminded him that we never needed to exchange numbers before and he said, Well, let's fix that now. Over the next two years, we would occasionally text each other. It started out with just stupid video games or movie memes that made us laugh

[00:03:59] [SPEAKER_00] but slowly grew out to us texting once or twice a week about work, classes, stuff we were doing. We were casually dating other people here and there but it was never a problem for either of us. After all, we weren't in a relationship and even when I was home, we still weren't spending time together alone. During my third year of school, I was home for Christmas again and my now husband asked if I wanted to go to a bar that a friend of his was playing in a band at. My brother was a new dad and not going.

[00:04:28] [SPEAKER_00] I asked if it was going to be a problem that I was only 20. But he said that the drummer's little sister was still in high school and she would sometimes go watch him play. So, just don't try to order drinks. All during my winter break, we spent a lot of time together. It felt like a lot because we weren't used to it being just the two of us. My brother was busy with my niece and my sister-in-law and we had free time. The fifth time we hung out over my three and a half week break was the last before I left.

[00:04:55] [SPEAKER_00] Before we went our separate ways, he asked me if I was okay if he kissed me. I was surprised but I enthusiastically said yes. And the rest is history. So, in addition to am I overreacting to a 14 or 15 year old girl publicly yelling that I was groomed, can I also ask, does this honestly sound like I was groomed? Let us face it, the friend's behavior is absolutely out of line. Loudly calling someone's marriage predatory in public. Calling her husband a groomer.

[00:05:24] [SPEAKER_00] That's absolutely wild. I'm trying to think of myself as a 14, 15 year old. No way would I do anything like that. From what it sounds like, Opie was just a friendly acquaintance through her brother. They had zero one-on-one contact through her childhood or teens or anything like that. And they started to develop a friendship when she was 20. Just sounds like they knew each other for a very, very long time because of the brother. And then years later, they actually became friends and then the romance developed.

[00:05:53] [SPEAKER_00] But no expert says to Opie, not overreacting. Opie, your love story sounds lovely. I would guess niece's friend is chronically online based on the types of things she was saying. It sucks to your niece because I think she enjoyed having two people she cared about to do activities with. But I would never allow her friend back. It was extremely rude and disrespectful as well as embarrassing for all parties involved. I think the friend needs a talk from her adults about what is appropriate. Things like that can cause legal issues and should never be joked about.

[00:06:23] [SPEAKER_00] Opie says, I really was having a lovely time before that. The teenage drama was entertaining. And I take every opportunity I can to spend time with my niece. It especially hurt when my niece didn't say anything though. He was her uncle, even before he was her uncle. And I was shocked that she didn't even try to stick up for him. Another commenter says, having graduated high school when it was still cool to have an arguably inappropriately old boyfriend.

[00:06:50] [SPEAKER_00] I'm honestly just happy teens are more concerned about grooming behavior now rather than leaning into some not great situations like many in my millennial cohort were at times. Yes, it seems like you have a healthy adult relationship. But teenagers are not notoriously good at those nuances. So I don't know. I see where you would find it offensive. But I'd want the teens in my life hanging out with this friend. Opie says, I do see your point too. Having an older boyfriend was still mostly acceptable when I was in high school too.

[00:07:19] [SPEAKER_00] It was the very loud accusation with no backstory that upset me. I would never tell my niece not to be friends with someone unless the person was a legitimate danger to her. However, I don't necessarily want to be out and about with her. Opie also replied to another big commenter saying, I should talk to my brother about it. I don't want my niece upset with me, but you're right. I could absolutely spend my quality time with just her. But I do usually let her bring friends and I don't need to.

[00:07:46] [SPEAKER_00] Maybe my brother or sister-in-law can better explain to her why I was upset. Opie replies to another commenter saying, To be clear, I didn't stop the outing or react to the comment past. How about we keep shopping? I'm not blocking any friendships, nor would I. She has a right to choose her friends and unless the friend is a danger to her, I wouldn't try to stop it. The only thing I said was that I didn't want to bring that friend with when we went out anymore. I'm not my niece's guardian. Just an aunt that likes to spend time with her niece and nephews. Thank you though.

[00:08:17] [SPEAKER_00] True Tangerine says, Sounds like you need to check if your brother thinks you were groomed. Niece and her friend had discussed this before and niece didn't speak up to defend her uncle. So either your brother feels weird about things or your niece feels weird about her uncle. Or both. Opie says my brother was the best man at the wedding and always seemed thrilled that we got together. I would have thought their friendship would have deteriorated or at least had some hiccups along the way if he felt that way about it. I can't speak about how I think my niece feels about it.

[00:08:44] [SPEAKER_00] She's never shown any signs that she felt any sort of negative way about him or about us. Thank you though. I'll ask my brother. So it was a little bit after this that Opie did come in with an update and said, So my niece and her friend saw my post because it blew up. Even though I just made a throwaway account for the question. This sped up when I planned to talk to the girls about it all. As several of you pointed out, I talk too much. So let me keep it brief but touch on a few points.

[00:09:14] [SPEAKER_00] Yes, the kid got in my head. It wasn't a brief passing comment. She kept pushing it for a few minutes which was why I redirected. I was also just taken so aback by it because it was something I never would have done as a kid. I should have come up with a better way to handle it. But I was trying to keep the night lighthearted. I am not my niece's guardian. I was not trying to block any part of their friendship. Only whether I would let her tag along on our trips together around town. Only with me. Niece apologized.

[00:09:43] [SPEAKER_00] She was kind of in shock too. And she didn't know what to say. Niece's friend sent her a message to forward to me. Apologizing as well. As some mentioned, she had a hard time imagining someone my husband's age. She thought he was at least 10 years older than me. Seeing herself at her age and still growing up to be attracted to them. Everything is fine now. I told my niece that her friend can still hang out when I take her out. But that she needed to be more respectful to me. And to not jump to conclusions.

[00:10:10] [SPEAKER_00] And my husband did ask my brother if it was okay to make a move on me. But neither of them could remember when it was exactly. Now, I'm abandoning this throwaway. Since everyone knows about it anyway. But now, I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Now, our next story comes from loudraspberry2222

[00:10:37] [SPEAKER_00] from the am I the buttface and the am I the arsehole here subreddit. And it says, am I the arsehole here for telling my dad's side of the family why I went no contact with him. And just to give you some trigger warnings before we do get into this story. It contains warnings of physical abuse, sexual abuse, parenting negligence, and financial abuse as well. It said, throw away because I don't want this on my main. Also, this is longer than I intended. I'm sorry.

[00:11:04] [SPEAKER_00] I, 23 female, have been in no contact with my dad since I was 18. Along with my two brothers, 22 male and 26 male. My mom died when I was 6. And until I was 8, it was just my dad, me, and my two brothers. Then when I was 8, my dad married my stepmom. Let's call her B. B had two kids of her own. A girl a year older than me and a boy 3 years older than me. My dad quickly moved us all in together. And they decided that the sleeping arrangements would be

[00:11:33] [SPEAKER_00] that B2's kids would have their own room each. And me and my two brothers had to share. This kind of set up the entire precedent for our new lives. From little things like B telling me and my brothers off if we didn't let her two kids choose what was on the TV. To bigger things. To kids anyway. Like the presents we got at Christmas and birthdays. On Christmas, B's kids always had huge piles of gifts. The newest gaming stations and TVs etc. And my brothers and I would each get little piles of tap basically.

[00:12:03] [SPEAKER_00] The three of our combined presents every year equaled one of their present piles, if that. I remember about a year into living together. B insisted that her kids call my dad, dad. But my brothers and I were never allowed to call her mom. Not that we even wanted to. But she made it a point to tell us that she was just B to us. My dad went along with her obvious favoritism. And even began acting like it himself. Not long after living together. B's daughter and I went to the same school.

[00:12:32] [SPEAKER_00] And were in the same netball team. And one time when I was 14, we had a netball tournament trip to Paris. We'd also spend two days at Disneyland. I was so excited for this. But then reality sank in. When my dad and B sat us down and told us they only had money for one of us to go. And of course they chose B's daughter. They said it was because she was older and would be leaving school next year. But this was a one time trip that wouldn't be repeated. And both of us were players on the A team.

[00:13:02] [SPEAKER_00] Also my dad worked a good job. And B had money of her own from her first marriage. So they could have afforded to let both of us go. They just didn't want to. B had been physically punishing my older brother since about a year into us all living together. And when I was about 10, she started doing the same to me. Then my dad decided to start doing the same to us. Because we were naughty kids who needed to learn respect. I remember one time he slapped me so hard that I had a bruised handprint on my thigh for about a week.

[00:13:31] [SPEAKER_00] I remember it so vividly because in the changing rooms for PE or netball practice, I was always terrified that someone would see it. B's children were never punished at all. Not verbally, not physically. Not even a that's wrong don't do that. Despite them being downright horrible children who tormented my brothers and I. B used to punish me and my brothers anytime we did anything that she deemed unacceptable. Even if her children were doing the same thing alongside us.

[00:13:59] [SPEAKER_00] Her favorite method of punishment was cold showers. Where she'd stand there and watch us while we were naked and under the cold water. To make sure we didn't avoid standing under it. Or switch it to warm water. This went on until I was 16. And my dad knew about it and even encouraged it. If he ever caught us doing anything he didn't like, after either screaming at or slapping us, he'd call her and tell her it was cold shower time. That's when B's son and daughter turned 17.

[00:14:28] [SPEAKER_00] My dad paid for driving lessons and eventually bought a car for both of them. When my brothers and I were 17, he outright refused to. When B's son, who's the same age as my eldest brother, went to uni, B and my dad paid for a one bed flat for him so he wouldn't have to stay in student housing. My brother, of course, had to take out a student loan and work a part-time job to even attend uni. And obviously he had to stay in student housing with roommates.

[00:14:53] [SPEAKER_00] When my brother was 21 and finishing uni, he was renting his own flat and was lucky enough to go straight into a full-time job. So he offered me and my brother, 18 and 17 at the time, to move in with him. We'd all been sharing a one bedroom practically our entire childhood and teenage lives anyway. So him only having a one bed didn't matter to us. We were just ecstatic to get away from our dad, B and B's children. All three of us cut contact with our dad, B and B's kids that day.

[00:15:22] [SPEAKER_00] Cut to last weekend, our grandparents on our dad's side have known for years that none of us speak to our dad, but they don't know why. They invited us to one of our cousin's birthday parties at their house and after assuring us that our dad and B wouldn't be there, we decided to go. Well, as you can probably guess, they were there. I don't know if this was my grandparents' way of trying to bring us back together because they didn't know about my dad and B's abuse. But either way, we were all pissed off and decided to leave.

[00:15:49] [SPEAKER_00] B decided to pass snarky comments about ungrateful children ruining a birthday and ruining family while my dad stood awkwardly staring at us. That's when I snapped. I very loudly told B, mainly the rest of my family if I'm being honest, that her and my dad were the ones ruining family. That our entire life, her and my dad had abused and neglected my brothers and I, all while giving her children everything.

[00:16:14] [SPEAKER_00] Buying them cars and paying for uni and flats for them while making us have to work and provide for everything ourselves. Physically abusing us as kids, even when B's kids did something wrong and them never ever getting any punishments. B kicking off the time we spoke about our mum. Forgot to mention this part, but she hated us speaking about our mother. Like she'd go insane and say we were disrespecting her for speaking about her, slash looking at her photos, slash asking our dad about her. After that we left, so I didn't quite know what went on.

[00:16:44] [SPEAKER_00] But I got messages from my grandparents and my auntie and uncle, all saying that if it was true, they had no idea, and were hoping that us being together again would rekindle our relationship with our dad. But that I shouldn't have said all that in front of the entire family, and that I should have handled it privately with my dad and B. I don't think I was in the wrong for saying what I did, in front of who I did, and neither do my brothers. But other family members clearly think I am. So Reddit,

[00:17:11] [SPEAKER_00] am I the arsehole for telling my dad's side of the family when I went no contact with him? Hope he had some relevant information. Also B hated it. Anytime me or my brothers spoke about our mom, slash looked at her pictures, slash asked my dad about her. She'd go batshit crazy. She even overheard us in our room talking about her. My older brother was nine when she died, so he used to tell us what he remembered of her. Even my dad didn't like it. They used to shout at us for being disrespectful to B,

[00:17:40] [SPEAKER_00] for talking about our dead mom. Literal insanity. And B's kids were encouraged to call my dad, within like a year of us all living together. But B was very insistent that my brothers and I were to never call her anything but B. Not that we wanted to, but girl, chill out. Gee, bloody whiz. Just so fucking pissed off for OP in one post. It's just a sickening amount of abuse, starting with the sleeping arrangements, you know,

[00:18:08] [SPEAKER_00] or crammed in one room while the stepkids get these private bedrooms. The cold shower punishment with B watching. Dad knowing about it and encouraging. He completely abandoned his kids. And OP was right to speak up publicly about this. The people that are saying handle it privately can just piss off, to be quite honest. The only people that will protect doing it privately is the abusers themselves. How can those people listen to what OP says and not be angered about it, not be angry at the dad,

[00:18:36] [SPEAKER_00] not be angry at B for what they've done, instead of just saying, oh, you should have handled it privately? What the fuck? The amount of relief I felt when they all moved to that one bed flat together. And I know it's not ideal, but I felt so much relief for them in that moment that they get that freedom away from those two abusers. It was just incredible. But Rainsong said to the OP, so grandma and the other relatives want you to shut up and pretend the abuse didn't happen. To suck it up quietly.

[00:19:05] [SPEAKER_00] They knew and didn't care then. They don't care now. You are not in the wrong for telling the truth. I bet it felt really great to finally tell B and dad off. OP said, pretty much yeah. Their, if it's true, if it's even true comments pissed me off. Oh my God. Especially because I know that after we left, my dad and B were probably spinning some bullshit story that they clearly now all at least partly believe. My fair says, not even close to being the asshole. Not the asshole.

[00:19:35] [SPEAKER_00] And OB says, I literally feel like I'm going insane with how my family are acting about the entire situation. Proper making me doubt whether I'm too close to the situation to see if their points are valid or not. Hence posting on here. Another commenter says, no, the situation is bad, but you told us a lot more detail than your extended family got. I think if they knew the details you shared here, they'd be appalled. But that doesn't matter. They shouldn't be treating you like this anyway. Your dad and B probably made a scene once you left,

[00:20:03] [SPEAKER_00] so everyone feels a certain way about it. I'm so glad you moved out and with your brothers. You three will always be there for each other. That's your family. Your dad abandoned you when he was all you had. He's not worth it. OP says, it sucks to think about, but there's no way. They didn't at least expect what's going on. We used to spend Christmas day at my grandparents' house all together with the family. And B's kids would be sat there on their new phones slash gaming things while my brothers and I would be like, we had bath bombs, deodorant,

[00:20:33] [SPEAKER_00] and one plastic toy. Hee hee. Also, my grandma gave me a few driving lessons because he knew my dad wouldn't pay for them. Also knowing they'd gotten B's kids' cars a few years before. Before last weekend, I'd given them the benefit of the doubt. But it wasn't exactly as if any of us hid their abuse and neglect, you know. Like yes, we weren't screaming it from the rooftops, but as adults who saw us semi-regularly, it would have been hard for them not to have noticed. Especially my oldest brother, who suffered the most physical abuse

[00:21:03] [SPEAKER_00] and had bruises and scratches to show for it. The commenter replies again, saying that makes this whole thing worse. I'm so, so, so sorry you didn't have someone to protect you. Also family members with eyes. How do you just pretend you don't know something like this happening? How did your step-siblings react to being treated better? Did they throw it in your face? Opie says they thrived off it. My step-sister especially. Us being so close in age. She used to let me play with her toys slash play with games on her phone. Only to go and tell her mum

[00:21:33] [SPEAKER_00] that I'd snatch them off her and smirk when I'd get punished for it. All around terrible people. The three of them. Giggle Fester says not the arsehole. Your grandparents' aunt and uncle shouldn't have tricked you into seeing your dad and his wife. And they are way out of line implying what you said might not be true. And telling you you shouldn't have brought it up. They were wrong. You were right. Opie says I think that's what I'm most angry about. It's not exactly common for three kids to completely cut off their father the second they turn 18.

[00:22:02] [SPEAKER_00] 17 from my younger brother. Even if they didn't know why. None of them even asked us. And to trick us all into seeing them after five years and then act as if I'm the one in the wrong for airing out dirty laundry is infuriating. Catching Up Today says not the arsehole. I recommend going to counselling. There is a lot of resentment. The one thing I can assure you is that in the future you and your brothers will outshine these kids. They had everything handed to them. You all had to work for it or accept very little.

[00:22:30] [SPEAKER_00] They never had to sacrifice or share. You all had to compromise and be efficient with spaces and resources. They were never held accountable for their actions. You all were unfairly punished. What you and your brothers experienced although unfair are strengths that are required to manage your spending, being grateful of opportunities and thinking of others besides yourselves. These characteristics will be demanded in your careers and personal relationships. You and your brother will be financially secured and have happy families of your own one day.

[00:23:01] [SPEAKER_00] Opie says, It's unfortunate that, besides that day obviously, I don't let them even consume my thoughts enough to resent them. I happily pretend they don't exist. My stepsister still lives at home, completely supported by my dad and B and my stepbrother didn't even make it through a single term of uni before dropping out. So God knows what he's doing now. I have the best brothers ever and we're all now thriving and happy despite what the years in the house did to us. We're our mother's children and it's pleasing knowing that our lives will never be as miserable as theirs.

[00:23:31] [SPEAKER_00] So Lex says, Not the arsehole. They are disgraceful and disgusting. Your extended family also sounds crappy. Maybe it's time to go no contact with more of them. Do you have access to your maternal family? Sending hugs to you and your brothers. Hope your lives will only get better and you can leave this nightmare behind. Opie replies saying, When my dad married B we moved from Wales to England so I had no contact with my mum's family. My dad didn't even tell them that we were moving countries or where we were living but thankfully when I was 20

[00:24:01] [SPEAKER_00] I found my mum's sister online and that we're back in contact with them and see them a few times a year. They're all so lovely and were so remorseful for not being aware of what we had gone through and for not searching harder to find out where we were. No blame or hard feelings there against them obviously. Another huge bonus about finding them again was that we're able to learn more about what our mum was like. Nefarious and the Sweet says, Dad and B were embarrassed being called out and the truth told. Absolutely have a chat with Grandpa

[00:24:29] [SPEAKER_00] but tell him that Dad and his wife are toxic people. Send them the examples of abuse describing your childhood that you listed here. If they doubt, ask Grandpa if he could imagine any other reason that the three of you all moved in with your sibling as soon as it was possible. Not the arsehole. Opie replied saying, This is the thing I'm trying to decide right now honestly. Do I bother telling them everything in detail? Despite suspecting that they may have had inklings about at least some things and have to deal with the possibility of them either diminishing it

[00:24:58] [SPEAKER_00] or outright refusing to believe my dad could be like that. Or do I count my losses now and just cut contact with my dad's side of the family? At least most of them considering my grandparents and dad's siblings. Even after that day at the party. Still think I was in the wrong for saying what I said in front of everyone. Why Teach says, You're not the arsehole. You told the family what your father and B had done because A. Grandparents tricked you into seeing them and B. Your step monster started muttering criticism of the three of you being ungrateful children.

[00:25:28] [SPEAKER_00] I find it hard to believe that no one in the family knew that B's children were being treated better than you and your brothers. They may not have known about the punishments but they would have known something. That they wonder why you had to share a room with your brothers instead of your stepsister. Who makes different sex siblings share a bedroom if there is any alternative? They probably didn't want to ask questions. I'm sorry that your father's family is only interested in the appearance of peace. You did nothing wrong. Opie says this, When we were younger,

[00:25:58] [SPEAKER_00] okay, but we were all teenagers. Who the fuck looks at a 14 male, 15 female, and an 18 male forced to share a room while the other 16 female and 18 male have their own room and think, yeah, that makes sense? Harlequin says, Have a sit down with them and tell them exactly what happened. Point out that it's all three of you. Point out the driving lessons, the Christmas gift disparities that you know they witnessed. Use things you know they observed. Also point out that B was making digs and started the situation.

[00:26:28] [SPEAKER_00] Opie says, Yeah, I think I'll either do this or maybe make a group chat with everyone who was at the party and send them this post because after them tricking us all to see my dad and B again, which threw us all considering we haven't seen or interacted with them for five years. I'm nervous that they could bring them along again. Ill Will says, Am I the only person absolutely baffled and disgusted by the cold shower? Other parts as well, but that just took the cake for me because cold showers with her present isn't just a punishment but in my opinion, sexual abuse

[00:26:57] [SPEAKER_00] because why is she watching you all naked in the shower? What do your brothers think you should do? How are they? Have you spoke to them? Opie says, This was always the worst part of the abuse for all of us. Even more so than the physical abuse and neglect, especially when we were teenagers. She used to leave the door open too and her two kids would sometimes walk past or stand and watch and she'd let them which was even more violating, especially when I was 15 with a 16 year old girl and an 18 year old man. At that point, being able to see me naked

[00:27:26] [SPEAKER_00] in such a vulnerable position. And my brothers are ready to scorch the earth with me. I still live with my youngest brother and he thinks we should send all the family this post and cut them off if they say anything other than that was awful, I'm sorry. I'm sure my older brother will agree too when I show him this post. One more commenter says, Not the arsehole. Your mom certainly felt entitled enough to say what she said in front of everyone so it's only fair that she gets a taste of her own medicine. My heart broke for you and your brothers when I read this. I cried the whole time.

[00:27:55] [SPEAKER_00] I'm so sorry you went through that. I know your mom would have killed me if given the chance. I'm so sorry sweetie. Thank goodness for your 21 year old brother to take both of you in. Hugs and more hugs from a mother of 12. I can't stop crying. May you find pure happiness in your lives. Opie says, This is so sweet. Thank you. My older brother is genuinely the best person I know. He wasn't much older than us but always protected us when he could. Provided for both of us when we moved in with him

[00:28:24] [SPEAKER_00] while we were finishing school. He wasn't much older than us but unfortunately because it never should have fallen on his shoulders. It was more of a dad to me and my younger brother than our actual dad ever was. So Opie did update the post and they said, Firstly, thank you to everyone who left kind comments on my original post and also to the people who shared their own abuse stories. I know even typing it out is tough and I hope every single one of you are doing well now. So, I am so mad.

[00:28:54] [SPEAKER_00] I created a group chat with dad's side of the family and sent them this post along with a copy and paste of what I said in case they didn't click on the link and also another message detailing some other abuse we all suffered that I didn't want to include in the post. My brothers also did this and the overall response was that they were pissed off at the replies more than the actual content of my post. My auntie's first response to seeing the post was, Why are you posting family drama online for strangers to butt in and call us arseholes when none of them know us? OP continues,

[00:29:24] [SPEAKER_00] Not, Oh my god, you were abused. Just, how dare these people on the internet think I'm a shitty person? She also went off on me a bit because she saw some of my replies, one of them about how I now suspect that they all knew all along and had the fucking audacity to say, You were always clothed, fed, and had a roof over your head as if that makes all the abuse and neglect okay. And even those stupid points had conditions for the three of us. So, hi Joe, I hope you're also reading this update. Fuck you.

[00:29:54] [SPEAKER_00] My gran said she didn't think it was as bad as that, basically admitting that she knew it was at least somewhat bad and did fuck all about it. She also suggested that we all sit down with my dad and talk, that your dad's a well-meaning man. But, no. This makes me even more angry that she tricked us into seeing our literal abusers again considering she at least knew some of it. Overall, the close family, grandparents, aunties, uncles, outed themselves as shitty humans who knew the entire time that at least

[00:30:23] [SPEAKER_00] some form of abuse and neglect was going on but were more angry at me for outing it, especially to strangers online. That's really pissed them off and still believe I ruined my cousin's birthday party for airing out my dirty laundry. The three of us have blocked them all and no longer want anything to do with them. Thankfully though, our older cousins and one auntie are on our side. My auntie said she's disgusted at my dad along with our other siblings, auntie and uncle after finding out that they knew or at least suspected

[00:30:53] [SPEAKER_00] something was wrong with our childhoods and their responses to me sending the post and has since apologized to my brothers and I for the way we grew up. I really hope she's sincere and actually had no idea. So for now, we haven't gotten no contact with her but we're also somewhat cautious because I'm still struggling to understand how she couldn't have known at all about anything if it was apparently a known secret within the family. I think we're going to keep this relationship as strictly an over-the-phone relationship at least for now anyway. So yeah,

[00:31:23] [SPEAKER_00] TLDR turns out the majority of my family are shitty. Shitty abuse enablers who turned a blind eye to three kids getting abused their whole lives because at least we had food and shelter and that's siding with said abusers because they apparently think outing abuse in public is worse than the abuse itself. Decent bed says to OP, the shower thing was straight out sexual abuse. OP says yeah, I learned this from a few other comments in my original post. I wasn't expecting to feel the way I did after learning it. Took me back for sure.

[00:31:53] [SPEAKER_00] Aggravating law says to OP, Hi OP, I'm a survivor like you. Although I am much older, like a wise older sister, as soon as I heard your story, I knew I had to come to your post this evening after work. After much therapy, I'm doing better. It may linger there but there are two things that helped me that a lot of survivors struggle with. Guilt and shame. One, it was never your fault. You always deserve to be loved without ever being hurt. Oh dear, it's getting to me. Two, shame.

[00:32:23] [SPEAKER_00] This is not your burden. The monsters that did these terrible things to you owe that burden. It took me many decades to learn this about myself and it was my lightbulb moment. What helped me the most was group therapy. Connecting with others online that had similar or identical stories. It was empowering to know I wasn't alone and others believed me. I highly recommend group therapy which you can get through the NHS. As far as you, you want justice. There is no statue of limitation on anything that harms a child. These people

[00:32:53] [SPEAKER_00] can be charged if your brothers and you want to bring them to justice. The power is with you if you want it. Lastly, I'm sending your brothers and you all the warmth, happiness, and positive energy. I hope you found the best pub that makes you feel at home, a good corner shop where you can chat with the owner and a great spot to walk along in the evening or a weekend afternoon for a good walk or a chinwag with your mates or your family, brothers. Lots of love from one survivor to another. To which OP did reply saying thank you so much for your kind comment.

[00:33:22] [SPEAKER_00] I'm sorry that you've experienced something like this. It took me a long time to realize that I wasn't a naughty child that deserved it and even now from time to time the thought pops into my head. Only exasperated by this whole situation. I'm lucky enough to have my brothers and good friends around me to remind me that none of us deserved any of what we went through. I don't think any of us have the mental strength to take legal action mainly because the thought of them possibly being found innocent would send us all spiraling I think.

[00:33:52] [SPEAKER_00] But I think therapy is a good shout. We've spoken about it before but this situation has brought it all back to the surface and has made us all realized that we're not as over it or healed from it as we originally thought. Again thank you for your kind words. I hope you have a great rest of the year. When OP was cutting off that extended family and just being done with it I was like I was clapping. I had to stop recording because I was clapping for them by myself here because fair play. They've shown exactly who they are. They knew.

[00:34:21] [SPEAKER_00] They didn't care. They still don't. They're more angry about strangers on the internet than actual child abuse. Everything you've gone through. Everything that you posted. I was in absolute bits from what you've been through. I'm glad that OP's found a mum's family and the three siblings have stayed tight together because that's real family right there. Going back to it though OP sharing this post with them and then reading it and still coming back and getting angry about it is just such wild arse thinking. Reading everything

[00:34:51] [SPEAKER_00] that OP and the brothers have gone through. The cold showers with her watching etc. The older brother being physically abused. I would be losing my shit. I'm angry for them. At the very end there OP's saying it's made us all realise that we're not as over it or healed from it as they originally thought and you know I think that's such a healthy way of thinking as well. I was going to say good thing but I don't think that sounds quite right. A healthy way of thinking but just good on OP and all I can do at the very end of this

[00:35:21] [SPEAKER_00] is wish them all the best going forward. I really hope the siblings stick together as they do cut out all those negativities in their life because they just deserve so much more and I really do wish them all the best. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and just a huge thank you for being here today getting involved in the story your love your support your time it always means the absolute world to me towards the posters as well it's absolutely amazing

[00:35:50] [SPEAKER_00] thank you so much and I'll see you in the next one take care and much love