My Sister Was Cheated On And I Told Her To "Get Over It And Stop Crying" As Payback | r/AITAH

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider? And a like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. That'd be extremely cheeky of you. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from the am I the arsehole here subreddit from former western1441. And it says, am I the arsehole here?

[00:00:31] [SPEAKER_00] But telling my sister to get over being cheated on by her husband after she laughed at me and told me to get over my breakup. I'm a 25 year old with a 28 year old sister and 20 year old brother. I'm fairly close to both of them, but my sister and I grew up fighting a lot because she has a superiority complex and is quite entitled. She's not super in your face about it, but after enough time, you'll start to notice it. My sister is also married with a three year old sister.

[00:01:01] [SPEAKER_00] And I'm a girl for context. Anyway, I had a boyfriend and we've been dating since we were 19. Just a few weeks ago, he decided that he wasn't in love with me anymore and wanted to leave. I felt super shitty about it for a while and would cry over it sometimes. It didn't help that it happened around my mom's 60th birthday. So emotions hit me in the middle of a celebrating. My sister discreetly rolled her eyes and giggled when that happened.

[00:01:29] [SPEAKER_00] Also told me to stop killing the mood with my stupid crying and to get over it because he was just some boy. I walked away and I let her be that way because all I was trying to focus on was calming myself down. My words didn't help though.

[00:01:43] [SPEAKER_00] We had a big family reunion slash birthday celebration for my brother last weekend. I was having tons of fun drinking and catching up with a few of my cousins who came all the way from Europe. It was chill until my sister stormed past us, holding her daughter and looking red as hell in the face with angry tears. That's when the night turned to utter shit. Yelling, crying and just straight up craziness.

[00:02:08] [SPEAKER_00] My sister found out her husband was sleeping with a random co-worker and then everything just spiraled. This went on for so long which gave me a damn headache and in the middle of my sister screaming at him once again, I turned to her and yelled, Maybe you should get over it and stop killing the mood with your stupid crying. She then called me a bunch of names I cannot say here but then later on, after she made a not so little exit, I got all the flack.

[00:02:34] [SPEAKER_00] My mom and dad got on my ass for worsening the fight and for not letting go of the past. The night was fucking ruined. I woke up the next day to a long text from my sister saying how much I embarrassed her and made her feel worse because now her child won't get to see her father as often plus a whole bunch of other shit. I left it on scene and started to think I actually did go a bit overboard and my parents and brother were practically begging us to make peace.

[00:03:01] [SPEAKER_00] I texted a long apology to my sister later in the day but she just read it and still hasn't responded. We still haven't spoken. I'm I the asshole here or was it fair to be a bit bitchy? Edit, I wasn't super clear in that paragraph. My sister didn't privately say what she said to me. I fell off halfway into celebrating and when everyone else asked if I was okay, she started acting the way she did. I then walked away. But a commenter says, I'm blaming your parents.

[00:03:29] [SPEAKER_00] They should teach their kids how to behave and not to be selfish at any chance they get. That goes for you and your sister. Particular says, Everyone sucks here. Yes, breakups hurt but my lady, thank God that you were not legally hitched in with no kids. Otherwise, it would have been a shit show of extreme proportions. Now imagine the plight of your sister. She has a kid in all this mess. I recommend just clearing the air and supporting your sister. Status comes in and says, Comments didn't pass the vibe check.

[00:03:59] [SPEAKER_00] Spare me this, it's so much worse when your marriage speech. OP matches sister's energy. That's about it. It sounds like it was long overdue. About that kid. That is not OP's responsibility. Plus, OP didn't attack the kid. Beginning funny says, not the arsehole. She was the arsehole in the first story. You could have had more empathy knowing how her words made you feel. Did she ever apologize? If she apologized, I'd lean towards everyone sucks here. If she didn't, not the arsehole.

[00:04:29] [SPEAKER_00] Yeah, she's married and has a kid, but she shouldn't bring the drama and yelling at a family gathering either. They should have left to discuss it at home slash away from everyone else in my opinion. Sounds like your brother's party was ruined and that doesn't feel very fair on him. And Leftover says, yes, the arsehole. To be fair, she was an arsehole first and I get it. Heartbreak in any form is the absolute worst. But did you say that to her because you meant it or because you were retaliating for what she said to you earlier?

[00:04:58] [SPEAKER_00] Not to discredit how you felt during your breakup. And I would much rather be broken up with and cheated on. And they were married with kids. That's destroying a whole family. Again, not discrediting how bad your breakup was. But what you did, and it sounds like she just found out, was a total arsehole move in my opinion. OP replies saying truthfully, I said it to her in retaliation, which yes, I now realize was immature. I'm obviously not impressed with him cheating. And one more comment which says everyone sucks here.

[00:05:27] [SPEAKER_00] She shouldn't have talked to you like that after suffering the breakup of a six-year relationship. But you, knowing how hearing something like that felt, decided to give her her comeuppance. When her relationship didn't just end, her family was torn apart and she was betrayed in one of the worst ways a person can be betrayed. That's worse than awful. I hope your high and mighty feeling lasts from your knee-jerk response. Because that's some next-level petty shittiness. I can sort of see why men are running from the women in your family.

[00:05:56] [SPEAKER_00] Because you'll suck arse. And there was a lot of everyone sucks here comments. A lot of not the arsehole comments as well. Saying, you know, fuck around, find out kind of thing. And many people questioning their relationship before all this went down. Saying, you know, I wouldn't treat my brothers this way in either way. Like from either perspective. So what's gone on between these two? But OP comes in with their first update.

[00:06:23] [SPEAKER_00] And says, I appreciate all the feedback I got on my original post. For the most part, it seemed most people think I'm the arsehole regardless of my sister being awful. Which is fair, honestly. We ended up having a conversation which I don't even know how to navigate this. Because it felt like pulling teeth trying to get her to say sorry. And understand that she hurt me in the beginning. She never apologized to me before the whole thing at the gathering. I called my sister on the phone today. I didn't assume she would pick up the phone. But I was super grateful she did.

[00:06:52] [SPEAKER_00] I asked her how she was doing. And she was understandably still very upset. Like she genuinely sounded sad. I apologized for the situation. And told her she didn't deserve to be cheated on. How it was said basically. And shockingly, she let me ramble on and on. I said sorry for humiliating her. And explained why I did that. I told her I wanted us to just have a normal relationship. For once without all of the fighting. My sister didn't apologize. But she just said that she didn't respond to my messages.

[00:07:22] [SPEAKER_00] Because she felt humiliated and hurt. Not because she was angry at me. She started crying a bit. And told me that I'll never understand her position. And I wouldn't have liked it if it were the other way around. I told her I understood that. But in the moment, I remembered the hurtful things she said. And how she wasn't there to support me. But to mock me. Regardless, that still gave me no right to be an arse. And I said that more than once. I also told her I'd never got an apology for the things she said. All she said was,

[00:07:51] [SPEAKER_00] Yeah, well, are you sure you don't just hate me or something? I told her I didn't hate her. But she could be awful quite often. In fact, I thought she hated me. The conversation didn't really go anywhere overall. She eventually ended up apologizing. And then she got snarky with me again. When I asked her if she truly meant it. Because from the way she said it. It was more like, I'm saying sorry because you won't shut up about me not saying sorry. Rather than an, I'm saying sorry because what I said was wrong and totally inappropriate.

[00:08:21] [SPEAKER_00] I wasn't surprised. But at the same time, I thought we both would have had enough time to clear our heads a bit. And be able to have a good conversation. I got frustrated and told her something along the lines of, I get our relationships weren't on the same level. And I came out more of an arsehole. But I think you only care about how you feel right now. She told me she felt like the conversation wasn't going anywhere. And preferred we stopped talking for a bit. I accepted that. Wished her and my niece well. And that was it. Not gonna force it.

[00:08:51] [SPEAKER_00] One of my cousins texted me like an hour later to check on me and tell me she deserved it so not to worry. I didn't get along and didn't interact at all at the reunion. I just wanted to be done with it all. It is what it is honestly. And it was probably bound to happen. But damn. I had some hope. Oh well. Thanks again for your honest feedback though. And edits. I'm not responding to anybody. But obviously, you guys are entitled to your own opinions. I get her situation. And she didn't deserve it. But it wouldn't have killed her to apologize.

[00:09:20] [SPEAKER_00] She had weeks too. Lol. And we have another update in a moment. But in this part of the post, the comments went from like, Sort of like, everyone sucks here to very much not the arsehole. Status came in and said, yeah, I'ma say it again. But she deserved it. And everyone bullied you here to make an apology. But you got none. Like I said, you matched her energy. You never said she deserved to be cheated on. But threw her words in her face. And the audacity to spin it like, you hate me or something.

[00:09:50] [SPEAKER_00] So what exactly did you gain from apologizing and not getting any back? She showed you her whole life who she is. Hope you believe her now. Sometimes family is not our friend. Now the commenter says, See, this is why I will never apologize in a situation like this. She brought that shit on herself. But of course, isn't capable of holding herself accountable for her actions. Only able to play the victim. It was very adult of you to be the bigger person. But as you can see,

[00:10:18] [SPEAKER_00] all you did was humble yourself just to get smacked in the face again. But OP comes in with one more update. Shares the original post in the first update. And then says, There's a good chance this might just end up being the last update. But no, my family, it very well might not be. Things have gotten wild since yesterday when I posted my first update. I'm not even sure what happened since. But all of a sudden, I'm scrolling through social media and my cousins at my sister's throat.

[00:10:46] [SPEAKER_00] I'm talking paragraphs, crap talking my sister on her story, calling her degrading names, a trashy mother, and that she's glad her husband cheated. Even going as far as asking to fight. In update one, I mentioned that my sister and cousin don't get along and never interacted at the reunion. Some stupid dispute they had years ago. And it's affected their relationship heavily. Not only that, but I'm now blocked by my sister. Anyway, I replied asking what in sweet Jesus' name happened

[00:11:15] [SPEAKER_00] and where that was all coming from. And I'm not even 100% sure what happened, but I think someone in the family instigated it by telling my cousin what my sister was saying about her. I'm assuming I wasn't the only person she told about my sister deserving my response. I talked to my brother on the phone and I told him she blocked me. He told me, yeah, because she felt like you didn't actually care. Which is very rich coming from her, I said. Anyway, I found out a lot. To sum it all up, basically,

[00:11:44] [SPEAKER_00] I found out that one, my sister was perfectly fine, but no longer speaking to me and my relationship with my niece is on the line because apparently I'm a bitter fake bee. Two, half the family is arguing now and has opinions. Three, my parents are begging my sister to make peace with me. Four, my sister insulted my cousin or summing and my cousin went off. Five, I regret even apologizing. My aunt is calling my mom and asking her to get her child.

[00:12:14] [SPEAKER_00] And now my mom's trying to defend my sister and my aunt's defending my cousin. Now it's a stupid battle between the sisters and cousins. My sister is also threatening to get the police on them. Also according to my brother, I'm now being asked by my parents to cut off my cousin and aunt because they're foul-mouthed and other insults I'm not saying here. A good amount of this is happening on social media through messages. My cousin from Europe was texting me and asking if I was involved in the craziness as well, but truthfully, I'm just the one hearing from people.

[00:12:43] [SPEAKER_00] I can't tell if I started this to begin with or if it was going to happen anyway, but I told my brother, cousin and parents that I'm staying the hell out of this because everyone's crazy. I'm genuinely shocked the reunion even went as well as it did before it got catastrophic. I'm probably just going to sit back and let this thing unfold. It is too much. Anything I could think of at the end of this, it just felt like the whole family was like a tinderbox to begin with

[00:13:11] [SPEAKER_00] and what happened here was just the spark that lit everything. The mentions of your sisters building resentment with a superiority complex. Your cousins seem to have beef with her for ages. Your parents have clearly been playing some kind of favorites and just not even dealing with what's been going on, just doing the usual peacekeeper stuff that we see in these stories and your aunt's protective of her kid. Everyone seems to have these issues

[00:13:40] [SPEAKER_00] just waiting for this spark to happen, which it did. You didn't create any of that. It just sounded like you just happened to be the moment when everyone decided like, fuck it, let's do this now. Everyone's been told this whole time, keep the peace, make up, blah, blah, blah. And that's what's happening in the family until someone finally cracks. And this could either go one way where it reveals like a load of problems that you can actually discuss or, you know, it's going to go completely the other way where everyone's just going to fight

[00:14:10] [SPEAKER_00] and fall apart. But again, you wasn't the ultimate cause of everyone falling out here. So, you know, what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story. Now, our next story comes from the Bad Roommates subreddit from SensitivePack4666. And it says, am I the arsehole here for ghosting my roommates and locking them out

[00:14:39] [SPEAKER_00] until they finally get their own keys? I, 28 female, rent a house with my friend and her sister. Here's the situation. My friend's boyfriend basically lives with us rent free. He doesn't contribute shit, eats my food and has this irritating habit of leaving the spare key in the back door. Me and my friend have keys. The sister and the boyfriend, they refuse to get copies made. Instead, they use a spare key we keep on the windowsill on the windowsill for emergencies.

[00:15:08] [SPEAKER_00] The problem is when you leave that key in the lock on the inside, it blocks anyone from putting their key in from the outside. I've come home from 12 hour shifts just wanting a shower only to be locked out of my own house because this bum is inside with a key in the door. On top of that, our neighbors lock the main yard gate at night. Since the sister and boyfriend don't have keys, they call me like I'm their personal doorman to go down and let them in. I even lent the sister my keys for a week so she can go to the hardware store.

[00:15:38] [SPEAKER_00] She didn't do it and then she didn't even pick up her phone when I got locked out of the yard later that day. Last week, I finally had it. I got home first and saw the key was in the door again. I had to walk all the way around to the front door which is a huge inconvenience. I realized I was the only one home so I just locked up and went to bed. The boyfriend started blowing up my phone. I just ignored it and went to sleep. It was raining and he eventually had to go back to his own house a few miles away.

[00:16:08] [SPEAKER_00] Surprise, surprise. Ever since that night, the spare key is always back on the windowsill where it belongs. And today, same thing happened with the sister. I knew she'd been calling me to open the gate so I just left my phone in my room and ignored it. An hour later, I check and yep, missed calls. I eventually let her in and she looked miserable like she'd been out there for an hour in the cold. She went straight to her room sounding all sad. Honestly, I'm mildly amused. I'm tired of being

[00:16:38] [SPEAKER_00] inconvenienced by people who are too lazy to spend five bucks on a key. I'm planning on ghosting their cause for the gate until they actually show me a physical key in their hand. I'm either the asshole for making them sit outside. M Fruitfly says, why are you letting people who don't pay rent into your home at all? Tell your roommate no more. When she wants to have visitors, she needs to be home to let them in. The boyfriend doesn't need a key at all and you shouldn't have a spare key out where people can access it anyway.

[00:17:08] [SPEAKER_00] A sister, who I guess does pay rent, can get her own key made and can make it from her sister's key, not yours. I'll tell your roommate clearly. No more will I be opening doors for people and your boyfriend needs to stop eating my food, period. Yeah, absolutely. I totally forgot about eating my food bit. That would really just piss me off. He does, like you said, he doesn't contribute anything. An intelligent wind jumps in saying have the talk. He doesn't pay rent nor on the lease, no key

[00:17:38] [SPEAKER_00] and set a limit for how many nights you'll get to have sleep over guests and he doesn't get to be there if she's not there. You could get keys made. That's ridiculous. And I always try to like think from people's perspectives what they'd be feeling in certain situations. Imagine being that boyfriend. You don't pay anything. You're eating someone else's food. I mean, that's wild in itself. It's madness. But imagine going to the house, knowing your girlfriend isn't there, you know, the paying tenant and you're trying

[00:18:07] [SPEAKER_00] to get in by yourself. Isn't he not stood there embarrassed about that? The absolute entitlement. And one more comment that says confiscate that damn spare key. It's a safety risk. If someone else sees him getting a key, they come back later and look for it and they just may make a copy for themselves. That is, at the very least, a robbery waiting to happen, if not worse. Tell the friend that the boyfriend either comes in and leaves with her or he goes to his own place. There is no reason for him to be there

[00:18:36] [SPEAKER_00] if she isn't. And look at your lease for any clauses about guests. Usually there are parameters about no more than two to three nights per month for the same person. If she wants him to live with her, he needs to be added to the lease and contribute to the household since he's already being a locust. Then and only then will he get a key. If all of this doesn't go down well, you've outgrown this living situation and need to find other accommodations. So OP does come in with an update and says I finally confronted

[00:19:06] [SPEAKER_00] my roommates and it went about as well as you'd expect. Edit, I want to preface this by saying wow. It started as a key issue and ended up revealing that I've been allowing a lot of disrespect. What you guys said in the last post was low-key mean but ultimately fair. I needed the reality check. I did what you told me to do and called a meeting in a state of resigned frustration. This came after my stuff was taken from the fridge again and they continued to call me to open the gate despite everything

[00:19:36] [SPEAKER_00] I've done to discourage it. They just sat there unresponsive as ever. One roommate literally had her eyes closed. When I asked her to focus and open her eyes she took a shot at my hybrid job. She said some of us actually have to work in the morning unlike you who probably didn't even go to work today. I'll just leave that there to demonstrate the kind of people I'm dealing with. I ran through all the issues you all raised citing specific incidents and explaining that while I don't

[00:20:05] [SPEAKER_00] want an uncomfortable living environment these things are making me miserable. The resolution was unsatisfying to say the least. One friend outright refused to acknowledge that her boyfriend rummages through our fridge claiming he never takes anything unless she gives it to him. Regarding the missing food they basically brushed it off as a misunderstanding because items are bought in bulk. The conclusion was unclear and for a few days we stopped speaking face to face entirely. They eventually

[00:20:35] [SPEAKER_00] retaliated by putting stickers on everything they own in the fridge. Honestly if that's what they need to do I'm not even mad but they're still eating my food anyway. A few days later they texted asking where I got my keys made. It seems no progress has been made on them actually getting copies but they finally got the hint and have stopped calling me to open the gate for them. It's been incredibly passive aggressive since we hardly speak and I actively avoid the sister because she is incredibly rude. I agree with what

[00:21:05] [SPEAKER_00] you guys said. If I can't express my needs without fearing their reaction we just aren't compatible. A true friend wouldn't make me feel this way. The final move I bought myself a mini fridge to exclude myself from their shenanigans entirely. I'm also actively looking for a new place though it's tough to find a good apartment in my price range that doesn't require roommates and is close enough to work for my in-office days. Sorry it's a bit anticlimactic but I'm choosing peace over the drama while I

[00:21:34] [SPEAKER_00] plan my exit. When OP in the update said that they were messaging OP to find out where they got their key made I was like oh my word really come on now. and I really don't blame OP for choosing peace while they try to get themselves out of that situation sometimes it's needed because otherwise I just got the feeling people like this will escalate the situation if you try to do what they're doing. Yes OP's getting their own fridge potentially

[00:22:04] [SPEAKER_00] should be locking a door at the same time because I wouldn't be trusting these people around my own back on them but when you got all your other day to day stuff to do and you're dealing with that shit at the same time sometimes peace is the best way whilst at

[00:22:45] [SPEAKER_00] I I the asshole for skipping my friend's daughter's first birthday and charging her for the gift after she forgot to tell me

[00:23:15] [SPEAKER_00] second I would give the invite and it definitely said 9 am I called my friend and she casually told me that the time had been changed to the afternoon she admitted she forgot

[00:23:44] [SPEAKER_00] to tell me and apparently i was the only guest who wasn't notified after working so hard yesterday and sacrificing my saturday morning sleep i was and am pissed i haven't told her if i can make it in the afternoon yet would i be the arsehole if i charge her the full amount of the ingredients of my time since i might no longer be attending and these were meant to be the gift or refuse to go to the afternoon session because i've already wasted my morning and now i have other plans

[00:24:12] [SPEAKER_00] which is mostly just being too annoyed to celebrate edit i did not tell her i would gift her the truffles i just decided that myself edit a lot of people are asking me for more context so here it goes we moved to a new city last year so i've been trying hard to make new friends and i've been hanging out with this friend and some of her friends but i'm not in their little group yet i'm a very helpful person in general i have a lot of party planning experience so i actually helped

[00:24:40] [SPEAKER_00] her decide many aspects of the party like how much food what types of food how many drinks etc we were exchanging info back and forth about this party constantly and i even lent her a bunch of my own decor stuff to use for the cake table also she specifically chose 9am because that's when her daughter is most alert and happiest so this was supposed to be a brunch type birthday party given how much we talked about the details and the fact that she has my decor i really don't feel like

[00:25:08] [SPEAKER_00] this was an easy thing to forget but oddworth says this is your chance to be the bigger person honestly it's not like you showed up at four and were told the party was from two to three or changed to the day before give her their damn truffles go to the party even if it's only for 15 minutes and don't be spiteful and don't send her a bill that's a real asshole move if you want to end the friendship over this just ghost her after fine don't be mean on a baby's first birthday you're a parent if you are you

[00:25:37] [SPEAKER_00] know damn well that the first year is tough and it did slightly kick off below that comment some of saying that you know about the whole being left out intentionally but other people were saying you know one person being left out doesn't sound intentional at all and it could be just a mistake so there's that part of it as well i guess but another commenter says question was your friend at all apologetic i'd have been mortified and would have apologized profusely anything less than that

[00:26:07] [SPEAKER_00] make my goodwill evaporate and put the friendship on very very thin ice from my perspective another commenter says i totally understand being irritated but everyone makes mistakes sometimes and she's probably hurried from a year of shitty sleep plus planning the party if she's a close friend this doesn't seem worth nuking the friendship over unless you have other complaints and resentment has been building up if you absolutely feel the need to get back at your friend for the oversight

[00:26:34] [SPEAKER_00] drop the truffles off at the party and then have whatever conversation or fight you want to have on a different day you're the asshole if you start a fight with her over on a baby's first birthday the day isn't about you panic bread says it sounds like an honest mistake on her part it honestly sounds like you might be more upset because you overextended yourself there's no reason to make drama and blow up the relationship over a simple mistake info do you think this wasn't just a

[00:27:00] [SPEAKER_00] simple mistake you think this person is using you for your truffles a commenter replied saying ding ding ding opie set poor boundaries with his friend and is now having an outsized reaction and being really transactional because of it kitty says you would be the asshole you're being petty you're holding it against her that you spent a saturday making truffles yet forgetting that you willingly agreed to do this go home take a nap and then attend the shower with the truffles yes smile says you're the

[00:27:30] [SPEAKER_00] asshole she did this by mistake you would be doing it on purpose she didn't ask you to make them for free as a gift do you like your friend then forgive her people are human and make mistakes you're justified to be irritated and not in a good mood but if she truly is your friend and is there for you then be there for her and forgive her now if she's a shit friend all the time re-evaluate your friends

[00:27:55] [SPEAKER_00] the op does update within the same post and says wow i did not expect this to blow up first of all i don't think it's fair for some people to say i'm self-obsessed or that it's clear why i'm not included in the group clearly those people have never been in a position where they've had to move cities and make new friends after a certain age it is not easy i wrote that first post while i was literally leaving the empty venue and heading home so everything was fresh and i just needed to process

[00:28:23] [SPEAKER_00] externally and see what others would do i think that's pretty normal when you're frustrated after taking a nap and reading through the comments i decided to be an adult about it i went to the birthday party in the afternoon brought the truffles and told her they were a gift i do think she just had a mum brain moment and genuinely forgot to tell me but because i'm new here and have been struggling with feeling excluded it hit me harder in that moment thank you everyone for your answers and for

[00:28:51] [SPEAKER_00] helping me see things more clearly i'm not going to hold this over her head but i'm going to keep it in mind if it happens again or becomes a pattern i'll know this isn't the right friendship for me now i'm gonna turn this one to you guys what do you guys make of this situation let us know your thoughts down in the comments below now just a huge thank you for being here today getting involved in

[00:29:16] [SPEAKER_00] the stories your love your support your time it always means the absolute world to me so thank you so so much for being here truly it's absolutely amazing and hopefully i'm going to see you in the next one take care and much love