My Brother REFUSED To Split Our Dads Inheritance With Our Stepsister - I Called Him SELFISH!

[00:00:01] [SPEAKER_01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from ComfortableSeat459 and it says, Am I the arsehole here? Calling my brother selfish for refusing to split our inheritance with our stepsister. My father died recently.

[00:00:30] [SPEAKER_01] Left everything to my brother and I. My dad got serious with my stepmother when I was 11. My dad has raised my stepsister since she was 6. And even though I was 11, I came to see and call my stepmother as my real mum. And I know my sister feels the same about dad. When mum died, she left everything to him. And I don't know why, but dad changed his to leave everything to me and my brother. My brother and I were always accepted and treated equal by her.

[00:01:00] [SPEAKER_01] And her family. Our grandparents on our side has always treated us equally and definitely included us as equal grandchildren. Obviously, my sister was really hurt. She saw him as her real dad and thought he saw us equal. But apparently he didn't. So I tried to talk to my brother and we should give her her third even if dad didn't include it. He refused because it's not what dad wanted.

[00:01:24] [SPEAKER_01] She could inherit from the rest of the family and whatnot. But I think it's unreasonable and unfair. I mean, it includes assets and money originally from mum. Plus, mum's will stated that if dad died before her, it would be split among us equally. She didn't just favour her biological daughter over us. I got upset and called him greedy and selfish for going along with excluding her.

[00:01:48] [SPEAKER_01] We had a big fight after that and my fiancé thinks I'm in the wrong. She thinks I should accept their choice and do what my father wanted. That I'm being an arse by insulting my brother and disagreeing. I can't agree. It feels like I'm betraying my sister and mum. Am I really the arsehole here? Edit for clarity. I, my mum, left everything to dad. I was referring to my stepmother. Who I earlier said was my real mum and have only referred to. Sorry if it was unclear.

[00:02:17] [SPEAKER_01] Usually in stories like this, I'm very much on the side of, you know, you follow what the will says, etc. But in this, it just feels so unfair that your stepmother treated you as her own kids and left everything to your dad with a clear expectation that it'd be split equally among the three of you. It just feels like a betrayal of the mum's wishes in this. And I get what your brother's saying. It's technically, technically what your dad wanted. But morally, it just feels so shitty.

[00:02:45] [SPEAKER_01] And I don't think you're betraying your father in this situation. You're honouring your mother and there's a difference in that. Maybe there's some way to contest it because I don't think you can actually force your brother to hand over what's technically, again, air quotes his. Maybe there is. I'm not totally sure. But, you know, for me in this situation, I'd certainly be looking at splitting it. Which, again, I know is very, very easy for me to say. Commodore says to OP, nobody is stopping you giving a share based on half of what she would have gotten.

[00:03:14] [SPEAKER_01] But you can't force your brother to. If it means that much to you, then of course you'll split your share. If your brother ever changes his mind, he can give her the portion of the third he currently has. Lead by example. And if he doesn't follow, that's his prerogative. Cad says, so he, your dad, took your stepmom's money when she died, but gave it all to you and your brother, and now none to her own child. How is that fair?

[00:03:39] [SPEAKER_01] This kind of bullshit is why making sure any stepparent that comes into my kid's life doesn't get a dime. Like, if one of my kids gets divorced and remarries then dies, the money can never go to the stepparent, only to the children of my children. Your dad was an ass to do this. Your brother is also being an ass. OK Decision says, sideways disheritance. Poor woman, and a poor mother, who trusted her husband to do the right thing.

[00:04:04] [SPEAKER_01] All those years believing he was honorable and trustworthy, only for him to shaft her own daughter after his death. Yes, morally, you're right. Especially if your brother would have whined and wailed if he'd been the victim of the sideways disheritance trap. But Reddit is a weird place. Which is presumably why many are saying he's morally right. But perhaps they also wouldn't whine and wail if a stepparent trusted their biological parent had proven themselves to be underhanded and deceitful.

[00:04:32] [SPEAKER_01] Sorry, I know he was your father, but this is a deceitful thing to have done. Unless he never cared at all about his late wife's wishes. Which may have been the case. You can't force your brother to do the moral thing here, and ensure your stepsister receives her share of her late mother's inheritance. You can, however, judge his actions, silently or otherwise. I'd be more concerned over your partner's approach. Do you have very different moral and ethical frameworks, or are they responding from greed,

[00:05:00] [SPEAKER_01] seeing your inheritance as their own, and not wanting a reduced share? Either of these would be a major, well, deal-breaking issue for me. But is there something more palatable behind it, perhaps? Fry1 says, I would normally say you honor the wishes of the deceased parent. Here, though, the stepsister's bio-mom left stuff to her husband. So, leaving it all to his bio-kids, dad is giving them money that would have normally been passed from mother to bio-daughter. I think brother should agree to split in this case.

[00:05:28] [SPEAKER_01] Dad was wrong to leave the money like this. Beth says, not the arsehole, your dad should never have excluded your stepsister. Especially considering a chunk of that money came from her mom. I'm really sorry you lost your dad. But he did not do the right thing in his will. When wishes are unkind and unfair, they shouldn't be respected. I'm glad you're caring for her and that you will continue to have a strong relationship with her by doing the right thing. Hope your brother decided to make better choices and prioritize his surviving family too.

[00:05:57] [SPEAKER_01] And one more comment from WhiteJadedButterfly who says, I think you should be clear when you refer your stepmother as mom. So, your stepmother, mom, left all of her money and assets to your father and none to her biological daughter, your stepsister slash sister. Your father then left all of his and your stepmother's money and assets to you and your biological brother, leaving out your stepsister. Your dad is a major arsehole. I would say your heart is in a good place.

[00:06:23] [SPEAKER_01] But while your brother is definitely selfish, he's not really that much of an arsehole. Does he have debts or in need of money? Does he understand that none of stepmother's money went to stepsister and that it is unfair? How is his relationship with stepsister? Any disagreement or conflict? If stepmother's wishes has notes on what happened if your dad passes first and how she would have split her inheritance. Perhaps stepsister can file a claim proving your dad's estate included her mother's estate, depending on your laws regarding inheritance.

[00:06:54] [SPEAKER_01] Good to consult a lawyer. So, OP did come in with an update and said, No, it's a bit of a delay, but thanks everyone for the responses. I appreciate everyone taking the time to offer thoughts and judgments, even if I don't agree with everything. Also for clarity, the inheritance included money and assets from my stepmother. I call her mom, not my bio mother, which I seemingly did not make clear enough in the original post. She left everything to dad, because at the time they had identical wills that left everything to partner.

[00:07:24] [SPEAKER_01] All kids equally if they survived their partner. After the post, I gave my brother a few days for us to calm down and see if his mind would change. But it didn't. So I decided to talk to my sister. That advice from a commenter I brought up suing under family provision. But she was against it and basically said the money isn't worth the time and money in court. So I told her I would just give her half of my inheritance. She tried to reject it, but I insisted and she ended up accepting.

[00:07:52] [SPEAKER_01] We talked a lot about everything and our parents. She was angry and sad enough to cry, just trying to understand why dad did what he did. I reassured her that whatever dad thought, she's my little sister. I love her and nothing would change that. Neither of us understand why this happened or what his reasoning was. But she's definitely happy and appreciative that I don't feel the same. Next week I'm going to see someone to find the best way to give it to her to minimize losing a chunk to taxes and whatnot.

[00:08:22] [SPEAKER_01] But so far I think I'm making the right decision. As for my brother, I just can't accept his choice. With how many people thought I was overreacting or wrong to expect him to do differently. Maybe I'm being unreasonable, but I just can't see him the same way now. He gladly chose money over his sibling, over his family. He clearly doesn't care about the unfairness on our sister. Maybe it'll change, but right now I just can't stand to be around him.

[00:08:49] [SPEAKER_01] I hope the money makes him happy because that's clearly what he loves more. Unfortunately, the situation hasn't changed too much. I feel a lot more confident in my choice. While my fiancé still ultimately thinks it'd be best to follow dad's wishes, she understands that I want to do right by my sister and is alright with it. I'm glad I wasn't completely crazy or irrational in wanting to do a just outcome for my sister. But now I plan to be there for my sister and make it clear I see her as a sister and actually love her.

[00:09:19] [SPEAKER_01] She deserves it with everything she's going through. As much as I feel from this, it must be much worse for her. And she doesn't deserve it. Thank you all for the responses, judgments, and advice. I'm really glad that Opie is going down that path. It's just a shit situation all around really, isn't it? Especially for sister. I know you're all going for a hard time, but your sister lost both parents and then got financially disowned by one of them. And in the end, you gave her more than just money.

[00:09:48] [SPEAKER_01] You gave her that love as a sister and made her feel valued as well as family. And I can't tell you how important that is within this story at the same time. In my opinion, good on you Opie. But I'm also sorry for everything that you've been through at the same time. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Let's move on to another story. Now our next story comes from the Am I the Arsehole subreddit.

[00:10:16] [SPEAKER_01] And there's a very tiny update on this one from AmericanJohn500 who says, Would I be the arsehole for refusing to bring $100 minimum to Thanksgiving? My family and I celebrate Thanksgiving every year with my siblings, parents and their kids. Roughly 20 to 25 people, including kids. My family is only two people with one six-month-old baby. In the group chat, it was decided that my nephew would cook meat since he bought a grill.

[00:10:44] [SPEAKER_01] He also told us that we could bring the sides. He chose to spend $300 on meat. I messaged in the group chat that we would bring mashed potatoes. My sister responded that every family has to bring $100 worth of food minimum or help my nephew pay for the meat. I'm not totally against the idea of bringing that much food. But just the way it was presented and the fact that it wasn't agreed to beforehand makes me upset. The following day in the group chat, my sister said,

[00:11:12] [SPEAKER_01] Option 1, bring food enough for everyone, not just yourself. Option 2, help Thomas pay for meat. $100 slash family. Option 3, help dad pay water bill. What? $200 slash family. Choose wisely. Oof, the bloody cheeky so-and-so. Upset, I responded with option 4. Don't show up.

[00:11:40] [SPEAKER_01] Am I being an arsehole if I don't show up at all in protest to this $100 minimum rule? My jaw was on the desk at one point. I had to pick it up. The bloody cheeky so-and-sos. AOW Lock says, not the arsehole. This is a potluck, not a charity dinner. If your nephew couldn't afford to buy the meat, he shouldn't have bought it. Another commenter says, don't forget petty option 5. Buy $100 worth of mashed potato ingredients and show up with 50 pounds of mashed potatoes.

[00:12:11] [SPEAKER_01] Not the arsehole. $100 worth of size per family is obscene and far too much food. A pithy party says, 20 to 25 adults, not including kids. If every adult brings a dish to share, there should be plenty of food to go around. Quotes choose wisely would have had me staying home. Enjoying the peace and quiet in my own living room for free. Not the arsehole. Hawk says, I would also choose option 4.

[00:12:38] [SPEAKER_01] Choosing to host a holiday get-together shouldn't be about breaking even. And it especially shouldn't be about profiting off your own family members. Dad is expecting to have $600 plus water bill from one holiday get-together. It sounds like it'd be impossible to relax and enjoy each other's company. With everyone taking inventory of the contributions and making sure every guest paid their dues. I'd just stay home. Not the arsehole.

[00:13:03] [SPEAKER_01] Homely Hobbit says, this has to have been brewing for years before this rule was set. Would it have been better to have a family discussion and agree on a number ahead of time? Sure. But that doesn't mean the number is unreasonable. A meal for 20 to 25 people is expensive and asking everybody to chip in is reasonable. The option to bring enough mashed potatoes for everybody was offered. Why is that objectionable? Mashed potatoes for 25 will be way cheaper than $100. So it's not hardship.

[00:13:34] [SPEAKER_01] Opie just came in with a couple of lines of updates and said, I'm a teacher. And she posted a picture of my salary she found online to shame me in the group chat. Definitely not going now. Wow. Opie also added, I almost missed this. A final update in the comments that said, I did not attend the Thanksgiving celebration and just spent time with my small family of three. The water bill was expensive because the pipes burst.

[00:14:00] [SPEAKER_01] I decided to help contribute to my parents to help pay for that in the end. I will be going in no contact with my sister, especially after she outed my salary. Someone said, how did the rest of the field family about the request? And Opie says, everyone else went and kind of went along with it. My parents were on my side about it. I imagine most of them just wanted to avoid drama, which is understandable. But it never helps in the end. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:14:30] [SPEAKER_01] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's cover another story from the am I the asshole subreddit that says, am I the asshole for telling my friend that proposing is not a suitable Christmas present. I have a friend who I'll be calling Harry. Harry and I have known each other for over a decade. We're in our early 30s. He was part of my own wedding party and 99 times out of 100, he's an all around great guy. Harry has been dating his girlfriend for around four years.

[00:15:00] [SPEAKER_01] She's an absolute diamond and brings out all the best qualities in him. A couple of weeks ago, Harry confided in me that he was planning to propose to his partner over Christmas. She's very family focused and he is setting it up so his parents unexpectedly visit them. They're doing this Christmas with their family this year, early in the morning, and he will propose during present opening in front of his and her parents and her siblings and their partners and kids. When chatting about arrangements a couple of days ago,

[00:15:29] [SPEAKER_01] Harry made a throwaway comment about the engagement saving him some time in relation to the rest of his Christmas shopping. I asked him what he meant, and he said that since he was proposing, he hadn't planned to get his partner anything else for Christmas. I said that the two were not mutually exclusive. When I got engaged, albeit not at Christmas, my husband still got me a birthday present the following month. Harry raised that the ring was costing him more than several usual Christmas and birthday presents combined, which is true.

[00:15:59] [SPEAKER_01] But it is not the case that he is scraping together every last penny to buy it either. There is absolutely money to spare for a couple of gifts that he'd usually get his partner. I also pointed out that since he is hoping to surprise her with a proposal, that it would become quite obvious that something was afoot if there were no presents for her from him under the tree. We went back and forth for a while with Harry continuing to take the stance that getting engaged is definitely a gift. I said that it was all well and good,

[00:16:29] [SPEAKER_01] but that his girlfriend will absolutely have bought him gifts that he will both appreciate and use, and that an engagement is in no way the same kind of exchange in that sense. Additionally, while his partner is in no way materialistic, she is someone who appreciates the give and take of mutual present exchanges like Christmas, white elephants, etc. We didn't have a major fight or anything like that about this, but Harry has said that he's probably not going to share more about the engagement with me because I have differing views.

[00:16:59] [SPEAKER_01] I don't want to be a stubborn old fool on something I'm clearly wrong about, so would appreciate the view of internet strangers on this. Edit, a couple of comments are on the same line, so I'll respond to them here instead of individually. He shouldn't propose to her in front of others, and says getting engaged in front of family would suit his partner to a T. This is definitely something she would want based on previous conversations. The next commenter said, You shouldn't involve yourself too much in your friend's life. Opie says,

[00:17:29] [SPEAKER_01] The entire discussion lasted maybe five minutes while we're having a drink, including Harry saying he'd not bring it up with me anymore. In no way have I told him point blank to do slash not do something, and we have spoken since civilly on other topics since. I hope that everyone has a friend or two who would be honest to them if they think they're in the wrong, to be frank. My question here is centered on the proposal as the gift, not on if I'm a bad friend. I'm going to go with a not the asshole in this situation,

[00:17:57] [SPEAKER_01] and honestly, I think Opie's doing Harry a solid in this situation. Imagine that Christmas, I think it'd be pretty awkward. I look at it this way, that proposing isn't like exchanging gifts. It's a huge life decision. You know, she's being asked to make a commitment to him, etc. And I think it could create potentially an awkward situation like what was being said, in that, you know, turning up empty-handed while she has gifts for him is either going to show that there's a proposal coming,

[00:18:26] [SPEAKER_01] or just make her feel a bit shit in the moment before he actually pops the question, one or the other. But Nanny says not the asshole. I think the idea that proposing is a gift from him to her, as opposed to a mutually joyful step for the both of them, is a bit distasteful. Professional says, so he thinks he's the gift to her. Blech. Olno says, I used to work at a jeweler's, and the number of men who would appear in the lead-up to Christmas,

[00:18:53] [SPEAKER_01] figuring that just buy an engagement ring for Christmas was sickening. They'd never put any effort into picking it, and would usually ask what was on sale, when I tried to narrow down what they were looking for. I'm not saying this is the same, but it happened too often that I can't help but feel that Christmas proposals are both thoughtless and lazy. Medical replies to that saying, I used to work at a jeweler's, and I vividly recall one Christmas Eve as the shutters were about two feet from the floor.

[00:19:21] [SPEAKER_01] A man commando crawled under them to buy, the love of his life, an engagement ring. He'd clearly spent the afternoon in the pub, and forgot to get her something. Oh bloody hell, the bar is low, right? And Night Owl says, not the asshole. She may not realize it in the moment, as she's excited about the proposal, but she will absolutely realize it, as he opens gifts from her, and others that he has chosen the easy way out, and decided it was important to gift her anything for the holiday.

[00:19:49] [SPEAKER_01] Also, if and when she dumps him, the ring is rightfully hers, because he gave it to her as a gift, and not as a contractual agreement. But now, I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Is it a suitable gift? Isn't it? Let us know your thoughts, and let's move on to another one. Our next story comes from PJM, who says, would I be the asshole if I spent the money meant to pay someone who did a job for me?

[00:20:19] [SPEAKER_01] I, female 70, have backyard chickens. I plan to have a new, bigger coop built for them this year. My regular contractor goes to me a couple of times for an estimate, so I was whining to my lawn guy about that. My lawn guy said he knew a guy that would probably be willing to do it, and he probably wouldn't ask for money. I said I would feel bad if someone did all that work and didn't get paid for it. This is important for later. Lawn guy gave my number to a guy, Jason,

[00:20:48] [SPEAKER_01] who texted me and arranged for him to come look at the site and discuss what I wanted. He was stoked about the job, and asked if I would be okay if he came over after work each day during the week. I told him I didn't care when he did it, as long as it was done by the end of July. It occurred to me after he left that we never discussed his fee, other than him keep saying, I worked cheap. I ordered the materials online from Home Depot, then Jason and I went there and picked it up with his truck. I paid for everything.

[00:21:18] [SPEAKER_01] For the next couple of weeks, he came by after work. He finished the job a week before the end of July. After he picked up all the building materials and loaded his truck, I asked him, how much do I owe you? He said that I'd need to figure that out once he picked up a few things at Home Depot and needed to calculate his costs. And that he'd let me know. That was on 7-24. As of today, 11-17, I've not heard from Jason to pay him. I've texted him seven times, called him two times,

[00:21:47] [SPEAKER_01] even asked Lawn Guy to pass along that I'm looking to pay him for his work. I've been unable to contact Jason and Lawn Guy is apparently reluctant to disclose any personal information about Jason and kind of smiles when he says that. My son, an attorney, says that since we didn't discuss a price and there's no contract and I bought the materials, I'm not legally obligated to pay him if he shows up a year from now looking for the money. Also, the fact that Lawn Guy said Jason would probably do it for free

[00:22:16] [SPEAKER_01] tells me that Jason has no intention of taking money for the job. Why? I have no idea. Sometimes I joke that I got reverse scanned. He did the work and ghosted me for the money rather than taking the money and not showing up for the work. I'm not complaining, but I feel bad that he did all that work in the brutal heat and I haven't been able to pay him. My thought is to hang on to the money until the end of the year and if I haven't heard from him, use it to replace my sump pump that is limping along.

[00:22:46] [SPEAKER_01] I feel like I've done my due diligence in trying to contact him. I only have his phone number and first name, tried to reverse look up on his phone number and came up empty. So would I be the arsehole if I spend this money if my deadline passes and he hasn't claimed his money? So there's many people saying maybe he's just a kind dude. Other people asking what did he bury in your yard? Other people saying hold on to the money because there could be some legal stuff depending on where you are, etc.

[00:23:15] [SPEAKER_01] Some others saying send him one final message and give him the deadline in that text message saying, you know, if you want your money you need to reply by this time. And there was a lot of arguing in the comments about legal stuff because OP said that, you know, gave the impression that she is going to pay him. People countering back that, you know, giving him enough time, etc. and saying it would just be sad if he didn't get paid. But OP did come in with a small update and says, I found him. Thanks for suggestion I searched his phone number

[00:23:44] [SPEAKER_01] on PayPal or Venmo. I found him on PayPal. Sent him $550 and a note thanking him for his excellent work and kindness. Thanks for all the kind words here and for some of you, thanks for the laughs and giggles. To put some minds at ease, I'm 1000% positive he didn't bury anything under the chicken coop as it's built on asphalt. LOL. But now, what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down

[00:24:13] [SPEAKER_01] in the comments below. Now, just a huge thank you for being here today, getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. Honestly, you're absolutely amazing. I'm seeing a load of your, you know, your Spotify and your YouTube, how many minutes you've listened to, etc. I absolutely love it. Thank you so much and hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.