Co-Worker EXPLODED When I Told I Don't Live With My Girlfriend Of 3 Years | r/AmIWrong

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. Let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from the AmIWrong subreddit from BurningCradnium who says, AmIWrong for blowing up at a co-worker when he judged me?

[00:00:31] [SPEAKER_00] I'm a relatively new employee at my job, about 4 months now. And since I work in the accounting department and it's tax time, my team is working some weekends to get the corporation's tax documents together. It's been pretty laid back on weekends and we have some downtime while waiting for other offices in other countries to send info to us. Yesterday my team was waiting for our counterparts in another country to send some documents and so a few of us were chatting. There's one member of the team.

[00:01:00] [SPEAKER_00] I call him Jesse. Who mostly works from home so I've only interacted with him in person about 3 times before yesterday. So I barely know him at all. Sometime in the group conversation I mentioned my girlfriend, Morgan and I trying a new type of restaurant that just opened and how we both really liked the food. So I was going to try and find some recipes from that country and I'd have her to my apartment to try the dish I make.

[00:01:23] [SPEAKER_00] Jesse asks how long I've been going out and I said almost 3 years. He looked confused and asked why we don't live together if we've been dating for that long. I answered that due to our religious beliefs, we won't live together until we're married. For background, my girlfriend and I both grew up in religious families and we still believe in what we were taught growing up. We both believe in waiting until marriage for sexual activity of any kind as well as living together. If other people want to live differently, that's great for them.

[00:01:52] [SPEAKER_00] I don't think they're wrong for making their own decisions. Everyone lives their own life and as long as their choices don't harm others, I couldn't care less. Live and let live. But when I said we don't believe in living together before marriage, he got this sour look on his face and said he lives with his girlfriend and asked if I'd judge him for that. I said he's free to do whatever he wants. I don't judge others for doing things that differ from what I do. I said he's free to do whatever he wants. I don't judge others for doing things that differ from what I do.

[00:02:22] [SPEAKER_00] Then he started on a rant about how I'm clearly controlling my girlfriend by not allowing her to express her sexual self. And how I'm making all the rules in the relationship because I think I'm better than my girlfriend. And what I say is law because that's just how people like me are with women. The others in the group looked confused and told him to relax because he doesn't know me or my girlfriend. Much less our relationship dynamic.

[00:02:46] [SPEAKER_00] Our supervisor came out of his office and asked what was going on, which made Jesse rant again about me being abusive. I chose to go back to my cubicle because I just wanted to disengage at that point. Throughout the next few hours he walked by my cubicle making passive aggressive comments about me, which I ignored. At the end of the day I went outside to wait for Morgan because she was picking me up for a date and had borrowed my car for the day. Jesse came out, shot me a nasty look and walked towards his own car.

[00:03:14] [SPEAKER_00] Morgan pulled into the parking lot and got out of the driver's seat so I could drive. I guess this set Jesse off because he walked back over to where we were and loudly berated me for not allowing Morgan to drive. Even though she was literally just driving. And then asked Morgan if she was okay. Morgan was confused and said she was more than fine. Jesse launched back into a rant about me being abusive and controlling because I won't allow Morgan to have sex at all.

[00:03:40] [SPEAKER_00] And she deserves a better man, more like him, since he lets his girlfriend express herself sexually. This confused Morgan even more and she gave me a look that let me know she wanted to get out of there. So I opened the passenger door for her to get in and started to walk to the driver's side. Jesse grabbed Morgan's arm way too hard which was not okay with me. I immediately turned around and yanked his hand off Morgan's arm and told him to keep his hands off her. I made sure she got in the car and locked the door.

[00:04:08] [SPEAKER_00] Then I told him how I felt about him. I said if that's the way he treats his girlfriend, I feel bad for her. And I hope she rethinks their entire relationship because he's the abusive one. He's a pathetic human if he thinks other people having different ways of living is somehow an attack on him and his manhood. Then I said if he ever speaks to Morgan in that way again, I'll file a complaint with HR for harassment. After that, I got in the car and drove away. Anyway, fast forward to today.

[00:04:35] [SPEAKER_00] I woke up to an email from HR telling me I have a mandatory meeting with my supervisor, Jesse, and an HR staff member tomorrow morning. I called my supervisor and he told me Jesse filed a complaint on me for blowing up at him for no reason yesterday. He's obviously aware of how Jesse was being yesterday so he's going to back me up. He also said he's asking for the security video from the parking lot to be given to HR because he doesn't think I was the aggressor. But the recording will show everything.

[00:05:03] [SPEAKER_00] He's going to be fired or anything so I'm not worried there. But was I wrong to blow up at him for his comment and behavior? Should I have stayed quiet? This is my first real job out of college so I'm questioning if I broke some unspoken rule about working in a corporate setting. Sounds like Jesse's about to get fired. Maybe. But it does sound like absolute incel behavior. That's the feeling I was getting anyway.

[00:05:25] [SPEAKER_00] And OP handled it just with composure throughout this because this guy was calling him an abuser in front of other colleagues. OP chose to, you know, disengage, ignored it and walked away. And he only blew up when Jesse was physically grabbing his girlfriend. Which, to be honest, I mean, yeah, of course you're going to do that. And hopefully this HR meeting should just be a formality because the security footage plus the supervisor being a witness should just say everything, right?

[00:05:55] [SPEAKER_00] But TaylorMade says, You broke no rules and were just avoiding a confrontation until he grabbed your girlfriend. He honestly deserves to be fired for his behavior towards you. Then his manhandling of your girlfriend. But no idea if manager will have the guts to do it. OP says, I'm only 22 so I was questioning if I broke an unspoken rule about working in that kind of setting. I didn't have a lot of experience here yet. OK Cauliflower says, Dude, if there was an unspoken rule about not being able to yell at someone who just assaulted your girlfriend,

[00:06:24] [SPEAKER_00] you need a new workplace. The moment he laid hands on her, he was committing a crime. The fact that he was trying to stop her from getting in the car could make it more serious. I'm not suggesting you press charges, but if HR are anything but 100% on your side after they see the video, ask if you could get a copy of the video if you decide to report it to law enforcement. OP then comes in with an update saying, Update to me blowing up at my co-worker and him assaulting my girlfriend. Hopefully updates are allowed and I'm doing it correctly.

[00:06:54] [SPEAKER_00] A rundown of what happened in the HR meeting. I go to work and was told that Jesse was meeting with HR then, so my supervisor and I would be called down in a while. After about 30 minutes, I went to the HR office alongside my supervisor. I went in first and the two reps asked for my side of what happened, which I provided and also told them everything inside the office was witnessed by other co-workers. I gave a summary of what happened in the parking lot and emphasized that Jesse grabbed my girlfriend in a violent way,

[00:07:23] [SPEAKER_00] that she was filing a police report at that very moment. They asked what, in my opinion, brought on his behavior towards me, and I told them he seems to disagree with my religious beliefs and don't like the way I chose to practice them. They asked for more detail about what specific practices, and I told them we chose to not live together or have sex until marriage and that's it. They could ask any of the members of my team and all would say I've never spoken about religion prior to Saturday. I keep my beliefs to myself unless asked.

[00:07:52] [SPEAKER_00] I offered to have Morgan write a statement or come in and give one regarding what happened over the weekend. But I also reiterated that she was filing a police report and would be given Jesse's name as the person who assaulted her. I was told to wait in the meeting room while they spoke to my supervisor and also called down other team members who were there on Saturday. One of them came back in about 45 minutes later and told me I could take the day off with pay if I chose to.

[00:08:18] [SPEAKER_00] But I wasn't required to because they found no wrongdoing on my part after speaking to witnesses and watching the footage. Since I worked Saturday, I took the day off. When I came back on Tuesday, I found out what went down after I left on Monday. Apparently, Jesse was told he was being suspended pending further investigation and would be contacted when and if he was allowed back. He got angry but left, at which time they had his building access turned off so he couldn't come back inside until a final decision is made.

[00:08:47] [SPEAKER_00] My supervisor was almost certain Jesse was going to be terminated because a few officers showed up on Monday afternoon asking for brief statements from co-workers and to get a copy of the security footage. The general consensus was that he'd probably be charged with assault and the company wants no connection to him. So as of today, Wednesday, he is no longer with the company. No word yet on whether he's been arrested or charged with assault. Morgan will be informed of the next steps if charges are filed though.

[00:09:15] [SPEAKER_00] I'll be mostly working from home for a while so that Jesse can't come looking for me. HR and my supervisors thought it's best for right now. So that's where things stand now. Nothing too dramatic. No huge brawls or anything. Which is great. I don't enjoy drama at all. Nor does Morgan. And on an unrelated note, 75% of the way to buying the ring I've picked out for Morgan. So if all goes well, I'll propose this summer. A commenter asks, How is Morgan? Is she okay?

[00:09:45] [SPEAKER_00] OP says she's a little shaken but overall okay. She was happy to hear he was terminated but still nervous he's going to find where we live and do something. I hope he just lets it go and moves on. The commenter replies saying doorbell cameras for each of your homes and a dash camera would probably go a long way towards helping her feel safer. OP says you're right. I've ordered some doorbell cameras and holders that will clamp onto our apartment doors. The fact that Jesse tried to raise this HR complaint and it completely backfiring on him.

[00:10:14] [SPEAKER_00] You know, thank goodness. But what was going through his mind in that moment? Why would he think reporting this was a good idea? You've gone up to someone's girlfriend, assaulted them and think it's going to go well for you. What an absolute sausage. And I don't blame them for being vigilant in this moment. If he's willing to show these behaviors, you never know what someone like that is capable of, right? I'm not saying they will, but it's always worrying, isn't it? It certainly feels it to me anyway.

[00:10:43] [SPEAKER_00] But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Our next story comes from affectionateleg2144, originally from the Am I the Asshole Here subreddit. And it says, Am I the Asshole Here for not inviting sister-in-law to my sister's bachelorette's party. My thoughts have been going round in circles for the past few days. And the people closest to me are giving me different advice.

[00:11:11] [SPEAKER_00] So now I turn to Reddit for an outside perspective. Bear in mind, this decision is meant to have the best outcome for the bride, my sister. She's the nicest person I know. And I don't want her to feel bad about not inviting someone who wants to be invited or to have a less awesome bachelorette because of her sister-in-law. I, 28 female, am arranging a bachelorette party for my sister, 26 female. We have always hung out in the same circle of friends. So I'm pretty sure I know what she wants and who she wants to celebrate it with.

[00:11:41] [SPEAKER_00] My sister has known her fiance, 29 male, for almost six years. And he has gotten to know her family much more than she has gotten to know his. A month ago, her mother-in-law reached out to me to let me know that sister-in-law, 31 female, let's call her Bianca, would very much like to be invited to the bachelorette. Me and Bianca have only met a handful of times. And my sister only met her on family gatherings on her fiance's side. They're not close and have nothing in common.

[00:12:10] [SPEAKER_00] We usually unload after seeing her about her being a bit eccentric, telling far too long stories about herself, not being able to read the room and creating awkward silences. A great example to a weird situation with her is when we celebrated fiance's birthday a few years ago and he got trivial pursuit. We decided to play and fiance jokingly said, I want to roll the dice. Nobody cared, or at least that's what I thought. But then Bianca then says in a not jokingly way, no, I want to roll the dice.

[00:12:40] [SPEAKER_00] Bear in mind that she is plus 25 years old at this time. Fiance continues, no, I'm gonna roll. And Bianca then turns to their mom and whines, mom, I wanna roll the dice. My part of the family is stunned by this, but it seems normal for fiance's family. Their mom answers that, why can't you let her roll the dice? And an uncomfortable silence settles. I can't stand it for very long until I add, since it's his birthday, maybe he gets to roll the dice. And Bianca pouts.

[00:13:09] [SPEAKER_00] This is uncomprehensible to me and would only be acceptable for children under 10. But with this example of both sister-in-law and mother-in-law in mind, I will continue. So mother-in-law wrote to me that Bianca wanted to come to the party. I don't know why she didn't write to me herself. So I'm thinking either she sent her mom to do a bidding or her mom might've thought this without Bianca's knowledge. This put me in a tight spot because up until then, I hadn't even considered to invite Bianca and though I never would have invited her in the first place.

[00:13:39] [SPEAKER_00] My sister, the bride, wants the bachelorette to be a complete surprise and have as little to do with the planning as possible. So I reached out to our closest friend group, which would all be invited, about inviting Bianca, but nobody knew her. From all the people we're planning to invite, about 12 people, everyone knew everyone because we're a tight-knit group. Nobody has ever met Bianca except for the bride and me a handful of times. To avoid asking my sister if she wanted Bianca there,

[00:14:07] [SPEAKER_00] we decided to instead ask her to put together a guest list for the party. I feel bad for involving her, but anyways, Bianca wasn't on the list. If I would have asked my sister about this, she would feel bad for not inviting Bianca and she would rather risk Bianca being a wet blanket over a bachelorette than let there be discomfort between her and her fiance's family. So I don't want to put the decision up to her. If I don't invite her and don't tell my sister, it might come up later on and make her sad and feel bad that we excluded Bianca. But if I invite her,

[00:14:37] [SPEAKER_00] I pretty much know the party won't be as much fun for any of us. So am I the asshole here if I don't invite my sister-in-law to my sister's bachelorette? OP adds a mini update within the same post and says, I did ask the fiance about this, but he's very much a dude about everything and said, it's a tough call. I guess an invite couldn't hurt. I didn't want to press the issue further because I don't think I will get any more out of him. So this is a group of, what is it, 12 close friends

[00:15:06] [SPEAKER_00] and future mother-in-law is going into the DMs trying to get the sister-in-law to come. Not the sister-in-law herself. I wonder if she's a part of it, but her mum on her behalf. I mean, you know, she's 31 and being charitable, maybe the mother-in-law is trying to include her daughter in social situations because maybe she really struggles. Possibly. I'm almost like, why would you want to push someone, you know, into a situation where, you know, they're potentially not wanted,

[00:15:35] [SPEAKER_00] where they're going to feel awkward themselves. You know, even if Bianca was asking herself to come along, wouldn't you just feel awkward turning up to a bachelorette party where you haven't been invited and probably no one wants you there? That sounds awkward as hell. A commenter says to Opie, Opie, the fact that your sister made a list and Bianca wasn't on it kind of answered the question for me. I've been to one party where a random family add-on killed the vibe and it's hard to forget how awkward that gets when no one knows them. Commenter says,

[00:16:06] [SPEAKER_00] oh God, in-laws are so tricky. Can you speak to your sister's fiance and get his opinion? I feel like this should be his decision as it's his sister, maybe. This is a really hard one and I don't envy you. On one hand, your sister has clearly left sister-in-law out of the invite list and has complained about sister-in-law's behavior before. So she shouldn't have to deal with it at her bachelorette. On the other hand, she'll be marrying into this family and doesn't need any additional drama, which this sister-in-law seems to attract. I really don't know which way to advise you.

[00:16:36] [SPEAKER_00] I guess I would say just invite her as you don't want to be dealing with the fallout of this for the next decade. I mean, I kind of agree with that comment to some point, you know, you're marrying into this family, but at the same time, I just say, don't put up with this bullshit. You know, if she's gonna bring you down, you don't have to have contact with this person, right? Sure, it might cause a bit of drama, but maybe I've just read too many of these stories and I'm getting too old, but I just think, you know, if they're gonna piss you off, you don't need them in your life, right? Extended family or not.

[00:17:05] [SPEAKER_00] Another commenter says, your sister does not want her there, otherwise she would have made the list. What more is there to think about? Another commenter says, not the arsehole, but could one person really ruin an entire party? I guess it depends on how comfortable you and the guests are with ignoring nonsense behavior. Plus, maybe Bianca wouldn't act poorly without her immediate family there to acquiesce to her. Definitely not the arsehole for not wanting to invite her, but I don't know how much this might blow back on your sister in the future. Would you feel comfortable asking your sister's partner

[00:17:35] [SPEAKER_00] for guidance? Noting that his mom messaged you and Bianca wasn't in your sister's list. Get him to shut it down. Just on the back of that comment, it just popped into my head. That commenter asking, can one person really ruin an entire party? And you know, this isn't Bachelorette related or anything like that. But I was at a local venue and there was a party going on within this place. Everyone was vibing, having a good time and this person turned up late to the party that was already drunk. They was invited

[00:18:05] [SPEAKER_00] but begrudgingly so because they've got a bit of a reputation themselves. Anyway, this person had one too many beers, lost the plot, picked up a chair and threw it at the at the venue's TV and cracked it. Pissed off the owner, pissed off everyone around and it was just an awkward attitude after. I didn't even get to see this. I left apparently five minutes before and went and got some chicken. But my mate was telling me about it afterwards. It's just holy moly. One person can definitely cause a bit of a ruckus.

[00:18:35] [SPEAKER_00] But anyway, two weeks later, OP comes in with an update and says, I'm planning my sister's Bachelorette and a month ago, my sister's mother-in-law reached out to me about having her daughter slash my sister's sister-in-law to be invited for it. Reddit and my friends helped out a lot in making my decision. I decided that sister-in-law would not be invited and to never mention this to my sister has to not let this fall back on her in any way. It was also the question of if I should text mother-in-law or sister-in-law since it seems pretty good to write directly to sister-in-law.

[00:19:05] [SPEAKER_00] But since it was mother-in-law who texted me in the first place, I wouldn't put it past mother-in-law to have done this without sister-in-law's knowledge. So I decided to text mother-in-law. The text reads, Hi, We finally started planning the bachelorette party now and I understand that Bianca would love to come but we've decided to only invite the bride's closest friends. Hope you will understand. It took less than five minutes for me to get a reply so I know mother-in-law wrote in effect. She is very impulsive so I know she didn't think

[00:19:34] [SPEAKER_00] through what she wrote and it made me feel guilty and bad. She wrote, But Bianca is her sister-in-law. I think the girls like each other very much and I know that Bianca really wants to join. I don't even know what to say to her now. I'll have to ask you to tell her. I know that Bianca's boyfriend would love to be a part of my son's bachelor party if he's not working. I replied, We understand that this is not what you wished for but we have decided to only invite people that my sister hangs out with the most so I hope you'll understand. She only wrote back,

[00:20:04] [SPEAKER_00] Okay and she's never been this curt with me. I feel like this is an insane guilt trip. I also feel like a weight's been lifted off my shoulders in making this decision which makes me want to trust my gut in this because I usually feel more anxious when I feel like I've made a wrong choice. I understand the disappointment for mother-in-law and maybe I'm in the wrong here but I don't want to taint this story with my opinions more than necessary so I'm asking you again Reddit am I the arsehole here for not inviting my sister-in-law to my sister's bachelorette party?

[00:20:35] [SPEAKER_00] Edit My decision is based on everything explained in my original post. I can see how this update doesn't include much of the dilemma so please read everything. And clarification A lot of you have commented that I should talk to my sister. I get that and I've been thinking about doing that from the start. My sister is well aware of the behavior of both sister-in-law and mother-in-law. I think she makes an amazing job in balancing keeping a healthy distance while maintaining good family relations. She sees them at family events but doesn't interact with them more than necessary.

[00:21:04] [SPEAKER_00] I know my sister doesn't enjoy sister-in-law's company and would not invite her on her own accord. She wouldn't say no whether she wanted sister-in-law to join or not because of her kind nature. She would rather risk a downer on her once in a lifetime bachelorette than knowing sister-in-law and mother-in-law would be disappointed in missing out. Maybe it is wrong of me to make a decision without consulting her. I know my sister well enough to know she wouldn't want her there but would probably invite her should this be known to her. The reason I

[00:21:33] [SPEAKER_00] haven't told her is that I think she'd be grateful not having to deal with this. Not taking any blame in the decision making and having a more fun and relaxed bachelorette than having to entertain sister-in-law. I'd rather take the heat and never let this reach her. But that's the gamble. Will this reach her and affect her? And another side story that weighs in on my decision is that my sister has already put a girl on her invite list that she has a strained relationship with due This girl is invited on the

[00:22:03] [SPEAKER_00] same premises that I think sister-in-law would be invited if my sister knew she wanted to come to avoid having people be disappointed. I planned this with our other sister and two of her closest friends and we all agree in not inviting sister-in-law. Though it was a big discussion. And about this other high maintenance girl that sister wanted to invite. Those four have made a pact to help keep sister's interactions with her to a minimum. I realize this sounds controlling but my sister has asked me before to rescue her from this girl if I would see her talking

[00:22:33] [SPEAKER_00] to my sister at parties. So having two people to watch out for on this bachelorette is not on anyone's high priority list. I hope this explains a bit more. I'll try to clarify more if needed. A commuter says I'll be honest the thing you're completely missing out is that you're sending your sister into a marriage where she may not know how pushy her in-laws are. Sod the party she's about to marry into these people and you've not told her how entitled they are to her business. I suggest you have a conversation with her. She deserves to know.

[00:23:03] [SPEAKER_00] You're the asshole if you don't. IP replies saying she definitely knows this already. Groom also knows and I've grown up with her being the golden child. Mother-in-law has been pushy before and I feel like my sister is rather good at standing up for herself. I've made a longer clarification in the post. Another commenter says why is sister-in-law's mummy intervening for her? Is there a reason sister-in-law can't have a conversation with you herself about an invitation? Does she even actually want an invitation or is mother-in-law just meddling? You maybe don't need to

[00:23:32] [SPEAKER_00] care about the answers to these questions but your sister does. This is going to be her life. Another commenter says honestly I think people are forgetting you literally asked your sister for a guest list in the first post and the sister-in-law wasn't on the list. Plus if the mother-in-law is reaching out to you then she knows your sister isn't planning the party. So if something she's not planning affects their relationship then assuming your sister has a backbone then there was always going to be an issue between them once your sister stood up for herself. Another commenter says I

[00:24:02] [SPEAKER_00] think you should talk to your sister let her know what's going on and let her make the final call. Even if she doesn't want to know any details of the bachelorette you still don't have to tell her any. She needs to know about this as this could cause problems for her in the future. I absolutely think OP is making a decent call on this situation in particular but it is a worry isn't it? The real issue is some of the commenters were pointing out that it isn't just the bachelorette it's being a part of this family and it sounds like sister you

[00:24:32] [SPEAKER_00] know has trouble putting her own boundaries in place regarding them so it sounds like she's in for a rough ride in the future unless she does put some boundaries in place. This mother-in-law does sound very overpowering controlling in some ways the comment where she turned around to OP and said you know you'll need to tell her then if you know you're not letting her come basically. It's just like oh dairy me. But what do you guys make of this situation? How would you deal with it if it was you? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments

[00:25:02] [SPEAKER_00] below. Now just a huge thank you for being here today getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me so thank you so so much for being here and hopefully I'll see you in the next one.