Colleague STOLE My Position And Now I Get To Watch Her Struggle

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:21] [SPEAKER_00] Now our first story comes from Stone of Forest from the Coworker Stories subreddit. And it says Colleague Stole My Position. And now I get to watch her struggle worse than I did in it. I'm a teacher at a decently affluent public school. For the most part, I love my job. I've made genuine friends among staff members and the students make the hard work worth it.

[00:00:45] [SPEAKER_00] There are of course the negative parts of teaching you always hear about. Low pay, grading on off hours, etc. But for the most part, the deal has been good. A few years back, I was recognized by my boss as a potential leader in the building. He stressed to me that I was very data orientated and likable among my colleagues. I know my way around Google Sheets and Excel when it comes to collecting and organizing student data. And I'm really solid with the parent communication.

[00:01:13] [SPEAKER_00] I was hesitant, but eventually I agreed and became a leader for a group of teachers and students at the school. In charge of organizing meetings, overall student educational success, etc. That old boss who promoted me left and I was stuck with a new boss who I didn't know well. Here's where things get messy. I have a sensory processing disorder and mild hearing loss. It's hard to explain, but sometimes I genuinely do not hear things correctly.

[00:01:41] [SPEAKER_00] Think if you said, I'm going to pick up Stacy. I might hear something like, I'm gone, just wait and see. This happens at least once a day and usually isn't that big of a deal. Unfortunately, it isn't curable, but I manage. In meetings with my new boss, my new boss would push strategies that were based around focusing on students whose state test scores were almost passing. The idea was that you would focus on all students, but give extra attention to these guys.

[00:02:11] [SPEAKER_00] These initiatives were never written down and I'd find out later that was because the legality of such things is iffy at best. When these ideas were shared with me, I would constantly ask the boss after the meeting to repeat herself and then check my notes to make sure I heard her correctly. I noticed at the time that she was passively frustrated that I would do this, even though I explained that I had a hearing disorder.

[00:02:34] [SPEAKER_00] Looking back, I wonder if she felt pressured knowing that we were doing what wasn't kosher and if I made a bad impression. Now to introduce the main character of the story, who I'll call Tenny. Since she's the coach of the tennis team, Tenny is well liked by staff members for years of service towards our community in a particular area. I also liked Tenny a lot and figured she'd be a great team member.

[00:03:00] [SPEAKER_00] Tenny, however, like my boss, became repeatedly frustrated when I'd miss things she would say to me, especially in crowded high school hallways. Sometimes she would even shout something to me as she walked past me. This led to many gaffes and mistakes. I asked her repeatedly to pause and make sure I got what she was saying or just to email me. Nothing changed. There were at least five or six big moments that my hearing wasn't accommodated for when a simple email could have solved the problem.

[00:03:29] [SPEAKER_00] Just as one example, my new boss came into the hallway to let us know that an assembly location was being changed. We were to take the students to a new area, not the old one. Of course, I heard a change, but I didn't hear the location. Tenny was the only one nearby. I tapped my ear, which I usually do to indicate I didn't hear something, and asked where we were going. Tenny quickly responded and walked away, and I, once again, didn't understand.

[00:03:56] [SPEAKER_00] Cue me and my students walking into the assembly five minutes late after walking them around the building in confusion. My new boss asked what happened, and I told her simply that I didn't hear her correctly. Weeks later, I was called into a meeting with my new boss, and she told me I was going to lose my leader position due to inconsistency and disrespect towards colleagues. I asked her which colleagues, and she told me that was private.

[00:04:21] [SPEAKER_00] I asked her how I was disrespectful, and she said that sometimes you get frustrated when you say you can't hear things and tap your ear. I said that was the ASL sign for here, as in I can't hear you. She said that I should have communicated that. I said I've asked for written communication constantly. She said I shouldn't always expect it. I knew it was a losing game, and any explanation I would provide would just be shot down.

[00:04:48] [SPEAKER_00] I loved the school and the community, and fighting new boss was only going to lead to more problems. I shouldn't have been surprised when a school-wide email went out that Tenny was getting the leader position. Tenny was praised by colleagues in reply alls, and it was frustrating to say the least. I knew that she was the one who had complained, and it was extremely bitter for me to see her rewarded for it. Cue the next school year. Tenny comes into my room and asks me for the student data sheets that I created with Google Sheets.

[00:05:17] [SPEAKER_00] I told her truthfully that even if I did share them with her, that there wasn't anything she could do with them. I brought her over to my computer and showed her the formulas I worked with and how I needed to adjust them every time a new student section, etc. was added to the roster. She then asked me if I could just continue updating these sheets outside my leader position. Bloody cheeky so-and-so.

[00:05:40] [SPEAKER_00] I told her, as professional as possible, that I would love to teach her how to do all these things, but would need a stipend to do so. She asked if any of the other leaders were doing what I did. I said they weren't. I was the only one and always had been. I'm a bit ashamed I didn't take joy in seeing Tenny's face go cold when she realized I wouldn't fold, and there was nothing she could do except cope with hours of data work per year or become proficient with Sheets slash Excel.

[00:06:09] [SPEAKER_00] Something I knew she wasn't going to do. And the real kicker, the parents. Parents of students 99% of the time are a joy to work with. I really mean that. It's so fun to work with the parents of the people I care the most about. But it's the 1% that make your life a living hell. I have overheard Tenny complaining about being on the phone with a 1% parent for 45 minutes, losing her entire grading time.

[00:06:36] [SPEAKER_00] A call like that would have taken me about 5 minutes tops, since I have the experience of knowing how to stop circular arguments and get the parent on my side for an issue. What has taken me minutes is taking Tenny, sometimes hours. Yes, she's getting my 1.5k stipend now, but I no longer have to deal with extra meetings, extra parent phone calls, miscommunication, etc. She's getting all the pain I got and more.

[00:07:01] [SPEAKER_00] I feel ashamed that I'm taking so much joy for this, but Tenny made my life hell in a place I otherwise love. Have fun, Tenny. Ooh! Commodore says to AP, as a former teacher, now disabled, I love all of this for your new boss and Tenny. Why educators are some of the most ableist people I've ever known, I have no idea. Your accommodations aren't a lot to ask for at all, and those two absolutely know how to deal with a hard-of-hearing person.

[00:07:28] [SPEAKER_00] They can live with the consequences of their choices, while you get to have an easier year. OP responded to that saying, yes, it is wild to see Tenny and other colleagues bend over backwards for a student with even the most mild of disabilities, and then do absolutely nothing for fellow adults. There were multiple times when students of mine were witnesses to Tenny's complete dismissal of me, and I can't even imagine what kind of messages that sent them. My accommodations are simple work practices as well,

[00:07:55] [SPEAKER_00] and don't require anyone to do anything that wouldn't be totally normal in a work setting. Important things should be in writing, and typical hearing people miss stuff all the time. Commodore says to OP, honest question. If you have hearing loss, why aren't you getting a hearing aid? Is that an option for you rather than just dealing with it? OP's a solid question. I think I only mentioned it briefly, but sensory processing disorder isn't like typical hearing loss.

[00:08:21] [SPEAKER_00] It can't be accommodating with hearing aids, since it's how your brain processes words, rather than just not being able to hear them. It's especially bad with song lyrics. In Taylor Swift's Romeo and Juliet, the lyrics that you were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles, and my daddy said, stay away from Juliet. I hear, bleh, bleh, we're Romeo. You were throwing a bebon, and my daddy said, stay away from Juliet.

[00:08:46] [SPEAKER_00] You can see I get most of the message that Romeo was doing something bad that made Juliet's dad disapprove, but that's about it. Thankfully, my disorder isn't as bad as a lot of people with the condition, but it can be incredibly frustrating when dealing with important issues. And I'm happy that OP's getting to see them struggle in this situation after what they've done. But the underlying issue in this is incredibly frustrating.

[00:09:13] [SPEAKER_00] They write plans for students with all sorts of needs, but when a colleague is asking just for an email instead, suddenly that's disrespectful? What the fuck? It's one of those situations where I'd love to hear Tenny's thoughts as OP sat there showing these spreadsheets and showing exactly why they're irreplaceable, and just wondering if that 1.5k has been all worth it to in the end.

[00:09:39] [SPEAKER_00] But OP does come in with an update, which came four months later, and it said it's been a semester's worth of school, so I figured it's time for an update. To say things have been going well for me has been an understatement. As several comments pointed out in my original post, my 1.5k a year stipend was not worth it. The mental load that left with my leadership position was enormous. I feel so much lighter now and I've been able to use the time and energy

[00:10:07] [SPEAKER_00] I now have to devote into my community projects. I feel like I'm overall a better teacher. I haven't taken home work once this semester. On the other hand, Tenny has been miserable. She's always one of the last teachers to go home, even in her coaching off-season, and she frequently cancels or forgets meetings. Unsurprisingly, Tenny has not been considerate of my hearing accommodation, now registered with the district. I keep my own meeting notes and now show them to a trusted colleague

[00:10:36] [SPEAKER_00] after to see if I heard everything correctly. I usually get one or two things wrong. Recently, to my surprise, my boss had a staff-wide meeting where she pushed a shared meeting document and calendar practice among all the teams. Tenny was visibly frustrated by this, but this is literally what I've been doing as a leader before and just seems to be a standard work practice in general. A trusted colleague told me after I uploaded my original post

[00:11:03] [SPEAKER_00] that Tenny and two other teachers were the ones who complained about my lack of preparation and inconsistencies to my boss. Since then, I have not spoken to those two other teachers unless necessary, but keep friendly and pretend like I don't know that they threw me under the bus. One of these teachers I'll call Ben. I didn't find it relevant in the original post, but Tenny teaches the same middle school subject I do, English. So does Ben.

[00:11:29] [SPEAKER_00] Anyone familiar with education knows that English is one of the heaviest tested subjects. Our school is write or die for state test scores like a lot of schools in the US, so we put a lot of work into making sure the kids get the highest test scores possible. A TLDR is that because I've had extra time and energy, I decided to really focus on exercises and other practices to get these kids scoring as high as I could. Our students get more opportunity in high school if they have higher scores, so it'd be a win for everyone if I could make it work.

[00:11:59] [SPEAKER_00] I read new strategies and other proven tactics and went hard into it. These efforts all paid off when at an all-staff meeting, my boss announced that our grades scored higher in English than in the previous years. So far with some of the initial tests, it was a 20% increase from the previous year overall. Wow. But then my boss said something that chilled the room for a microsecond. Be sure to check your students' individual scores to see how you contributed to the increase.

[00:12:27] [SPEAKER_00] Folks, my students were the reason we saw the bump. Tenney's and Ben's scores were slightly lower from the previous year. My boss congratulated me privately and my job review scores had been the highest of my career. Hilariously, my boss asked if I could share some of my strategies with Tenney and Ben. I said that of course I would. Not an uncommon thing to share like this in teaching for your information, but only share the documents and nothing else.

[00:12:54] [SPEAKER_00] Tenney and Ben have not approached me to ask how I did it, and I like it that way. My favorite part of all of this. Because of the lack of funds, the leadership position is being eliminated at the start of the next school year, and our teams are being this old. Tenney went through all of that drama for just one year in the position. I'm trying my best not to relish in the news and just keep my mind focused on my own growth and the 95% of my colleagues who like and enjoy my company. My students are happier. I'm happier.

[00:13:23] [SPEAKER_00] I just got to keep my eyes on the positive and leave this behind me. Thanks to all your kindness and support, and to anyone with a disability. Get it in paper with your district so you don't go through all the pain I went through. Seriously. Seriously. So Tenney backstabbed her way into a position that's being basically eliminated after one year. That's left her miserable, working late, and in the end producing worse results.

[00:13:50] [SPEAKER_00] And it sounds like OP is absolutely thriving at the moment, and good on them. And just to add on the end of this before we move to another story, I think it's important to point out because there was a lot of comments in how, you know, how it's difficult to explain to people, how it's not widely recognized. I messaged one of the commenters to get some insight just to share where we can basically. And sensory processing disorder and auditory processing disorder are neurological conditions.

[00:14:19] [SPEAKER_00] And it's said that your brain basically is scrambling the signal between your ears and the comprehension. Like we heard in the story, it's not about the volume. So hearing aids won't fix it. And also like OP was saying, if you're like constantly mishearing things, struggling in noisy environments, or song lyrics sound like complete gibberish sometimes, then it's absolutely worth getting assessed. And hopefully you can get diagnosed and get those proper workplace accommodations documented,

[00:14:47] [SPEAKER_00] which I know, which I hear all the time, is never the easiest path. But hopefully it does help because none of what OP should have been receiving is special treatment in any way. Written communication or meeting notes or emails instead of shouting down the hallway is not special treatment. It's just a reasonable adjustment that would have let OP do their job. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:15:15] [SPEAKER_00] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Now our next story comes from the Relationship Advice subreddit from OKHurry9284. And it's titled, My Female 32 Friend, Female 32, Has Been Lying About Being a Nurse for 10 Years. Using a throwaway so I don't dox myself. I, female 32, have a friend from high school. Amy, female 32.

[00:15:46] [SPEAKER_00] We are 14 years out of high school and 10 years out of college. We went to a small private high school that was pretty intense. The kind of place where people always ask, where are you going to college instead of if? After graduation, I went to a big state school a few hours away from my hometown. Amy decided she wanted to study nursing, so she decided to go to the small university in her hometown since it has a great program and she could save money living at home. We stayed friends through college.

[00:16:15] [SPEAKER_00] We'd get dinner when I was home on weekends and she drove up to visit my school once or twice a year. After graduating, I moved across the country for graduate school. She stayed in her hometown and told me she'd been accepted to a competitive residency program for nursing grads at a local hospital. My mom is a nurse in the same hospital system Amy started at and told me it was a big deal for Amy to get in because the program has less than a 10% acceptance rate. I was really proud.

[00:16:45] [SPEAKER_00] We drifted apart a little bit when I moved, but she still stood up in my wedding and we decided to try and catch up every time I came home. I ended up selling down near my grad school and have a career I love. Think accountant, lawyer, doctor, etc. I tried to check on Amy throughout the pandemic because I knew she was in the ICU. I saw how hard it was for my mom in a non-critical care department. Amy would tell me horror stories about how traumatic it was and how it was so hard not be able to talk about work

[00:17:14] [SPEAKER_00] because a bad day for most people might mean sending follow-up emails, but for her it probably meant someone died. I have other friends who worked in ICU and that sounded pretty consistent with what they said. Last summer she told me she was starting to think about leaving nursing and going to school for something less intense like business. Fast forward to about a month ago, I was following a news story from the state we grew up in. Think true crime. And people in the comments started arguing about whether or not someone involved was a nurse.

[00:17:44] [SPEAKER_00] One person posted the link to the state nursing licensure database. I clicked it and was trying to see how much information it would provide about someone. So I put in Amy's name. And nothing came up. I would have let her go except I remembered that about five years ago, my mom had looked for Amy in their system database and didn't see her so asked me if Amy had switched jobs. Amy said she hadn't so I assumed my boomer mother just couldn't use an Outlook address book. Sorry mom.

[00:18:13] [SPEAKER_00] I tried to find a logical explanation. She didn't get married and not tell me. No maiden names come up. Did she lose her license? No. It seemed like you could see suspended or inactive licenses. Did she have a different legal name? No. I've traveled with her and seen her airline ticket and ID. I sent a text to her to remind me what hospital she worked at. She responded and told me she had switched to another hospital in her hometown.

[00:18:39] [SPEAKER_00] I found a friend of a friend whose mom was a nurse at the hospital Amy said she was working at and sure enough, they didn't know her and couldn't find her in their system. So I started digging. Eventually I was able to find the grad list from Amy's college for our year. She wasn't on it or any of the three years before or after and I realized I've never seen a picture of her at a graduation. I'm pretty sure she at least enrolled at one point because I went to a volleyball game with her our freshman year of college

[00:19:09] [SPEAKER_00] and met friends from her program. I dug more and found out from court records that she had financial troubles. She's been sued by debt collection agencies multiple times in the past few years and eventually I was able to figure out what she actually does. She's the office manager for a dental practice. A totally normal and not worth hiding job. A bio on the practice's website said she's been working there for eight years. At this point in my life, Amy is the only person from our high school class that I kept in contact with.

[00:19:39] [SPEAKER_00] But she's still close with a few people who ended up back in our hometown and I follow those people on Instagram. I check their pages and at least as of 2020, they thought she was a nurse because one captioned a photo. Happy birthday to our favorite nurse. Thanks for taking all of our frantic medical questions. Amy had removed the tag so it didn't show up on her pages. I found something Amy's mom posted about a year after. We would have graduated college as she tagged Amy and had an RN pin in it.

[00:20:08] [SPEAKER_00] So it seems at one point her parents thought she was a nurse too. She's no longer friends with her parents on social media so maybe they had a falling out. My head was spinning because no way Amy would lie to me. But then I started to think back on the last 10 years and I'm an idiot. Have you heard the dead dog in a duffel bag story? Google it if not. It's a famous urban legend. Our freshman year of college, she told me that happened to her.

[00:20:37] [SPEAKER_00] And I thought maybe she had embellished but didn't realize it was an urban legend. Last summer I met her new boyfriend and she said, Oh yeah, he really wants me to quit nursing and go to business school. So don't bring up nursing or we'll fight. Freshman year of high school, someone spilled soda all over one of my textbooks in the library after I left it sitting on a table with Amy. She said she had gotten up to go to the bathroom and came back and found it like that. Like, I'm so freaking dumb.

[00:21:05] [SPEAKER_00] So far, I haven't said a word to Amy or anyone who knows her besides my parents. Some people have said, Maybe she flunked out of college and was just embarrassed and thought you would judge her. But obviously you're going to support her no matter what. Others have said, Confront her and see if there is a good explanation. Others still have said, Just ghost her. Time to cut and run. She's texted me a few times recently and I just haven't known what to say. Hello? I realize your life is a lie.

[00:21:34] [SPEAKER_00] TLDR, my high school friend, has been lying about graduating from college and becoming a nurse for 10 years. To me and others. And I realize she's probably been telling smaller lies as long as I've known her. I think I need to tell her that I know. What is the best way to approach this conversation? I feel like I could cry on a phone call, but texting feels like dropping a bomb on her. And I'm mad, but I'm not trying to upset her or send her into a spiral. Yeah, I would absolutely struggle to see past that in the end.

[00:22:03] [SPEAKER_00] I would still be curious as the reason why. 10 years of maintaining this lie about being a nurse. Whilst also adding like pandemic trauma stories at the same time as well. Knowing that people have gone through those stories that she's lying about. Again, I'm not sure I'll be able to look past it, but I would be really curious just for the reason. She may just come up with more lies in the end, but I kind of want to say something like, I know it's easy for me to say this,

[00:22:31] [SPEAKER_00] but I know you're not a nurse and I'm just confused why you would actually lie in the first place. So why are you? But a commenter says, I don't think I would continue the friendship. This is a whole other level of lying. Rock that manner says, I had a cousin who did something very similar. She pretended she was going to uni for five years and even faked a bunch of things like graduation, which was moved last minute to a date. She knew there was no way in hell any of us could make essays, exam seasons, etc.

[00:23:01] [SPEAKER_00] She was actually pocketing her parents and my mom's money to go on shopping sprees and things of the sort. Hell, she even asked me for money at times, even if it was a very small amount. We had been very close. My mom had taken her in since she was 15 in order to give her better opportunities. We affectionately called each other's sisters. Today I found out about a deception. Arrangements for her to move out were made and we both immediately knew our relationship was over.

[00:23:27] [SPEAKER_00] My mom and the cousins that were old enough to understand also cut her off. Beyond deranged. There's no coming back from that. Glinda says, Wow. I'm floored that she would keep up the ruse for 10 years. She could easily have just told everyone she hated the job and decided to go on a different direction. I guess if you want to stay friends with her, then maybe just not say anything. Although I'm not quite sure why anyone would want to stay friends with someone who would continue to lie to them for so long.

[00:23:57] [SPEAKER_00] If you want to confront her, I think I would send her a text or an email saying, I received some information that indicates you never graduated from nursing school, never received your nursing license and never worked at XYZ Hospital. A quick search of the nursing license database and university records seemed to confirm the information I have. On the off chance that I'm mistaken, I'd give you the opportunity to set the record straight. I'm disappointed you didn't feel comfortable enough to be honest with me.

[00:24:26] [SPEAKER_00] You can then take it from there. Maybe she didn't know how to tell you that nursing wasn't for her. As a registered nurse, my primary concern would be if she's telling other people that she's a licensed professional and giving out advice on dealing with healthcare issues. Please update us. So it was a month after this that OP came in and said initially after posting this, I thought I was going to go the route of not saying anything to Amy and slowly stepping back. But I kept thinking about it.

[00:24:53] [SPEAKER_00] So a week or so ago, I sent her a text that just said I'd found out she worked at the dental office. That I felt confused and hurt and that she didn't owe me an explanation, but I was open to hearing from her side if she wanted to share anything. She texts back that night and said that working there was something she started doing on the side initially. And she hadn't told anyone for a while because she was afraid of not being who people thought she was. She said that it has been like a really rough eight years and that she hated her job and

[00:25:23] [SPEAKER_00] felt like she was failing at life. Finally, she said that she also didn't tell me because we see each other so infrequently. I wasn't sure it mattered. That last part was what really frustrated me because it's not like work didn't come up. She was actively telling me elaborate lies. I also wasn't sure if she was trying to save part of the lie. Eight years ago only gets us back to two years post-college graduation. I responded and asked if when she said she hated her job, she meant nursing.

[00:25:52] [SPEAKER_00] She never responded. At that point, I hadn't talked about the situation with anyone who knew Amy besides my husband and my parents. I decided to reach out to someone else who we also went to high school with. Gwen. The three of us were super tight in high school, but Gwen and Amy stayed close longer because Gwen moved back to our hometown after going to school out of state. Incidentally, she is a nurse. And yes, I checked. I knew they'd grown apart in recent years since Gwen had kids, so I didn't feel like I was

[00:26:22] [SPEAKER_00] interfering with any of her current important relationships. I asked Gwen what Amy had said she was working when they last spoke. Gwen told me she could never quite pin Amy down on that, but she was pretty sure it was hospital system B. I let her know what I had found and apparently her husband had been saying that Amy was faking being a nurse since 2016, but Gwen thought he was being dramatic. That year, Amy went to visit Gwen and her husband out of state and Gwen needed a TB test read

[00:26:51] [SPEAKER_00] before she started a clinical. Any licensed nurse can read a TB test, so she asked Amy to sign it since she was there. Amy took it and said she would look at it later. After Amy left, she swore up and down that she had left the signed TB test on the coffee table, but Gwen never found it. She also told Gwen that she was a labor and delivery nurse. Gwen and I talked about potentially saying something to the other people we went to high school with who were still close with Amy because we would both want to know.

[00:27:20] [SPEAKER_00] Instead, I settled on sending Amy one more text to make it clear that I knew she had never been a nurse at all. I was so sorry she had felt like she could not share the truth about her day-to-day life for so long and that for what it was worth, I thought the other friends deserved the truth because I'd rather have heard it from Amy instead of putting it together myself. It's been about five days and no response and I'm not expecting one anytime soon. She's still watching my Instagram stories and posting on socials.

[00:27:47] [SPEAKER_00] Right now, I'm not planning on reaching out to our other high school classmates, but it is something I've still thought about. And on the back of this story, some people feeling sorry for Amy that, you know, she felt like she couldn't be herself or whatever it was. Some people saying, you know, does Amy know this is a federal offense? Whilst other people just saying, what an exhausting way to live. But what do you guys make of this situation?

[00:28:16] [SPEAKER_00] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now, just a huge thank you for being here today, getting involved in the stories you're your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much for being here. Truly, it's absolutely amazing. And hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.