My Dads Wife Keep Wanting To Dress In Costume For My Kids Parties

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark B and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider a like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from Party Costume Throwaway from the Am I the Arsehole here subreddit. And it's titled, Am I the Arsehole for uninviting my dad's wife from my daughter's birthday party over something else?

[00:00:32] [SPEAKER_00] I think she did last year. It starts, I don't usually turn to the internet for advice, but I feel like my situation is specific enough that my friends can't help me much. For context, my dad has been with Kathy for a little under 15 years. She's technically his third wife, so she's always been very insecure in his family, which has unfortunately led her to become very needy and histrionic. My daughter is turning six in February, and we're planning her birthday party.

[00:01:02] [SPEAKER_00] Last year, my husband and I threw a Cinderella theme party at our place. My dad showed up without Kathy, who claimed to be sick. It didn't bother me, but I remember feeling something was off. Near the end of the party, Kathy showed up in a Cinderella costume. She was acting in character and trying to interact with the kids. Neither me nor my husband had been informed she'd be doing that. At most, she'd asked me whether we were having any party performers a few weeks prior.

[00:01:30] [SPEAKER_00] I found out she'd been planning to surprise my daughter and bought the costume the day she found out what the theme would be. My husband and I are still positive Kathy did this for attention. It didn't really work. My daughter recognized her immediately, but it did disrupt things a little, because she did this around the time the kids were eating cake and some of the parents were getting ready to leave. We managed to sort things out, but it took some time, and we still had to deal with a dozen confused preschoolers.

[00:01:59] [SPEAKER_00] It was a great party besides that, and our daughter enjoyed herself, which is what matters most. But my husband and I asked Kathy not to do this again. She agreed and apologized. I'm pretty sure she's planning on doing it again. We spent a lot of time with my paternal family during the holidays, and I noticed Kathy was bringing up Cinderella's appearance at the party very frequently. She was reminiscing, showing pictures, and talking about what she'd do differently.

[00:02:28] [SPEAKER_00] She didn't talk to my kids about it much, but she asked my daughter what theme she wanted for a party this year, and how she'd feel if one of the characters showed up. I really don't want to have this deal with this surprise again, especially if it comes with no warning like last time. We're also throwing this year's party at a venue, not at home, meaning we have a time slot to abide by.

[00:02:49] [SPEAKER_00] My husband and I spoke to Kathy about our concerns. She didn't say anything. She was planning on showing up in costume, but she kept insisting that if she did, the kids would love it and it could be fun. We tried to make her promise she wouldn't do it, but she kept dodging it and claiming she didn't see the problem. Finally, we told her it'd be best that she didn't come at all. She can join us for dinner we're having afterwards, but not the actual party.

[00:03:14] [SPEAKER_00] Now she's upset and my dad is angry at us. He firmly believes we're being paranoid and dramatic. I'm worried we're going too far. But I'm almost certain she is indeed planning on doing it again, and I don't want to risk having problems at the party. I'm I, the arsehole. So the top commenter, lucky effective 1564 says to OP, not the arsehole, but you could tell her you're having a Chewbacca party and see what happens.

[00:03:42] [SPEAKER_00] OP says lol, I might do that on my own birthday. Sam says, this is one of those questions that could go either way. On the one hand, you're totally right to have your boundaries and it's weird to not only surprise your daughter, but also to surprise you. Why is she so obsessed with being a Disney princess? On the other hand, everything from you feels like a bit of an overreaction because it's just a princess costume. Unless you're getting creepy child predator vibes from her. She seems like she's just trying to do something fun for the kids.

[00:04:11] [SPEAKER_00] Maybe it was awkward because you made it awkward. But is it generally harmless? I don't know this lady and I guess my judgment of the situation would depend on her actions outside of this. Does she frequently cross boundaries? Is she like generally liked by your kids? Does she treat them well? Those kind of things. OP says, I think that's a fair assessment. I don't really care about the awkwardness potential. I care about it being done with no prior warning.

[00:04:37] [SPEAKER_00] There was a little girl at the party last year who started crying because she and her parents had to leave, but Cinderella had just arrived. I'm having this event thrown, so I want to know what will happen. Especially this year. She's not very respectful of boundaries, but not the worst case in my family. She's the kind of person who does what she thinks other people should like instead of what they actually want. The kids like her, but don't love her. OP also adds, I'm pretty sure I can tell the venue not to let her in, but I'll have to check.

[00:05:07] [SPEAKER_00] Picture just literally jumped into my head of Cinderella being escorted out by two bouncers like carried out. Old Man Kibitza says, it sounds like she was absolutely planning to do it again. While I personally don't know what the problem is being that you have a problem with it, then you needed to address it. Also, if she's insecure about being the third wife, she shouldn't be doing things that upset the family. OP says, the problem is more of a time and child managing than anything else. If me, my husband and the venue aren't aware, we can't control it.

[00:05:37] [SPEAKER_00] And it's difficult to manage these things with so many young kids around. We can't stay there after our time slot, so I don't want to risk anything being delayed. It's also very annoying in general. If I wanted a performer, I'd hire one. But I'm more worried about the lack of warning. OP says to another commenter, it's still a distraction that can derail things. I also have no way to guarantee she'll show up at an appropriate time. Cinderella literally interrupted cake time last year.

[00:06:05] [SPEAKER_00] Select Negotiations says, not the arsehole, but oh my god lol. Tell her this year's theme is the hunchback of Notre Dame. OP says, we've made it clear that this is more difficult to manage than it seems, but she refuses to accept it. She sadly already knows the theme will be K-pop demon hunters this year. We're going up, up, up. Someone says to OP, maybe she just wants to help. She could help me set up party favors or write invitations, but she doesn't want to do that. She wants to be the entertainment.

[00:06:35] [SPEAKER_00] Someone says to OP, be more blunt or direct. OP says, I feel like it's hard to be blunt as we're being now. We've told her multiple times in several different ways. Not to show up in a costume. She's not outright admitting she's planning on trying again, but she keeps dodging it and saying she's sure the kids will love it. And for the record, my kids didn't really like it last year. Again, my daughter recognized her right away. And someone asks, why is Kathy doing this? OP says, I genuinely think it's because of her insecurities.

[00:07:04] [SPEAKER_00] She's the younger third wife who showed up when her husband's children were grown and his family was sick of caring about his relationship history. So she tries to take whatever chance she gets to assert herself as part of the family. As my husband puts it, Kathy acts like she's allergic to not having eyes and ears on her. She's been like this for as long as she's been around, but it gets worse and more ridiculous as time goes by. It's been especially bad since I had kids.

[00:07:31] [SPEAKER_00] The biggest line that jumped out to me on this one is when they were trying to get her to promise not to do this behavior again. And she basically just kept ducking around it. And I'm thinking, oh, deary me. Come on now. You know, parents ask you that. You turn around and say, OK, I understand your concerns and move on. You know, that's the way that you're going to build any kind of relationship as a family. Not ignore their concerns and then and then stomp all over their boundaries afterwards because you're not going to build any kind of relationship like that, are you?

[00:08:01] [SPEAKER_00] It just sounds like she's looking for some kind of validation to be a part of the family or whatever it is. But she's not going to achieve that with her current behavior. And it's that simple, in my opinion. But about a week later, OP came in with an update and said, So I have a love hate relationship with being right. My dad called me two days after I posted. There's a purple wig at his place that is styled suspiciously similar to Rumi from K-pop Demon Hunters.

[00:08:29] [SPEAKER_00] He opened Kathy's mail thinking it was his and found it. The costume itself is set to arrive in about a week. She wasn't planning on telling him about either. He's claiming they fought because neither the costume nor the wig were cheap. But he also felt the need to tell me she'd been watching the movie repeatedly to study and that she cares so much. And that isn't it sweet how much Kathy loves my kids? And maybe my daughter would like it this time. That was all I heard before I went to look for a pillow to scream into.

[00:08:58] [SPEAKER_00] I'm done. This made me a lot angrier than it should have. But it isn't the first time someone in my family decides my plans and the effort I put in don't mean shit. And if I can't even plan my own child's birthday party without someone trying to butt in, I don't have to feel bad about drawing the line. Kathy is officially banned from the party. My husband and I have alerted the venue that we didn't hire any character performers. And if any Caucasian looking Korean pop star shows up, they must tell her to go home. We also gave them a picture of her.

[00:09:29] [SPEAKER_00] They basically told us they can't let anyone who's not on the guest list inside anyway. So she won't be allowed. I feel horrible about making them deal with my family drama. But at least that's one less thing to worry about. My dad and I did fight about this, but I put my foot down. Kept arguing that it wouldn't be a big deal if I just let Kathy have this. I told him that's not the point. If he's not the one who's going to have to manage the situation, he doesn't get to tell me how hard it is to do it. In the end, this is what we settled on.

[00:09:59] [SPEAKER_00] My dad can come to the birthday party as long as Kathy doesn't tag along. If she does, they're both out. Both of them can still join us for dinner later. I'm also thinking about lowering my contact with both my dad and Kathy. I love my dad, but no headache is worth this. I want to wait until I'm calmer to work out the details. I want to thank everyone. I've got a lot going on in my life and my therapist is on vacation, so it feels good to rant about this. But for my own sanity, I'm going to focus on relaxing for the next couple of weeks.

[00:10:28] [SPEAKER_00] I already feel so much lightened knowing this is over. Sarah Secret says the dad trying to frame her studying a move to hijack a toddler's party as sweet instead of unhinged is some world-class enabling. Opie says happens a lot, even when he disagrees with her. Valuable Job says you know she'll show up for dinner in costume, right? Opie says it's not the same thing. If she shows up in costume at a party full of small kids without warning, it's easy for history to repeat itself.

[00:10:57] [SPEAKER_00] If she shows up in costume at a restaurant in which the only children present will be family, and there wouldn't be any excuse for a character performer to be there, at worst, she embarrasses herself. Paisley Viking says, When's the party? You know we all want an update, and you're not the arsehole. If she oversteps and you allow it, the oversteps are going to get bigger and bigger. Opie says, I'm not sure. I'll update again. I'm pretty confident she won't come to the party.

[00:11:23] [SPEAKER_00] If I truly don't update, it's because nothing happened, and the venue reassured me, nothing will. And of course, Reddit being Reddit, loads of comments were saying, She's gonna show up anyway. Opie said, Kathy will not be allowed inside the venue, costume or not. If my dad shows up with her, she'll still be asked to leave, and I won't let him in either. Opie says to another commenter, She can't be allowed inside the venue without being on the guest list. They know who she is and what she looks like, so it doesn't matter whether she's in costume or not.

[00:11:53] [SPEAKER_00] There is zero chance Kathy is coming to the party. Pumpkin says, I was a character performer, and this is wild. There's a reason why we're scheduled, and reasons why we're hired. The odds that Kathy can sound and look like Cinderella from Disney and K-pop Demon Hunters is just wild. And what, she's like 50? 62? 62? I don't mean to be judgmental, but kids can tell something might not be right if Cinderella went from being 18 to 58.

[00:12:19] [SPEAKER_00] The most important rule of being a performer is doing nothing that would break the facade that the character is real. Opie says, Exactly. I have a friend who used to be a party princess, and she cringed when I told her what happened. Kathy is in her 40s. She does look younger, but not enough to pass as these characters. When she dressed as Cinderella last year, she didn't wear a wig. She's blonde. And wore the same makeup she always wears. So there was no chance my daughter would have recognized her.

[00:12:48] [SPEAKER_00] And that is currently where Opie is at with their story. They said they may update, they may not, depending on what happens. So we're certainly keeping an eye out for that. Like the commenter said though, you can't help but feel like she's going to turn up in some way or form. Yeah, she might not be allowed in, but she certainly may try and certainly may derail things in a certain way. And I only say that because of the behavior in itself. The sneaking around, buying the wig, buying the costume.

[00:13:17] [SPEAKER_00] You know, she's planning in the background. She's watching K-pop demon hunters a lot. She ain't going to want that to go to waste. And then you've got the dad enabling all this at the same time. Absolutely wild ass behavior. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Our next story comes from Contario Broke who says, I, female 25, found clothes that aren't mine.

[00:13:46] [SPEAKER_00] And my boyfriend, male 25, is responding differently. Sorry, it's long. Yesterday, I was wiping down our laundry room. And threw out all of our old detergent. Plus lint garbage. It was completely empty in there besides a new detergent and dryer sheets. Yesterday at 10pm, I went in there to make sure our garage door was locked. And it looked the exact same. Empty. This morning before work, I saw he left his clothes from yesterday on the ground.

[00:14:14] [SPEAKER_00] I found these socks with them that are really expensive. And I know for sure, they're not mine. I didn't speculate cheating at first. But now, I might be based off of his responses. His responses were very odd. I didn't pry or say anything weird. Nor did I insinuate anything. Word for word what I said. Good morning, love. This morning, I found socks in the laundry room. They're a bit dirty. So I cleaned them. They're expensive designer brands. So they definitely should be returned to whoever they belong to.

[00:15:12] [SPEAKER_00] They're this brand. Also, I like to do my own laundry. Which is not true. I work from home and he begs me to do his laundry. So also very odd. Then he goes on to say, it's our friend Brian's and he has small feet so makes sense. I messaged Brian and he said, those are not my socks or anyone I know. They're too small for me and my girlfriend. I'm a size 11 and she's a size 8 so they wouldn't even fit. Thanks for checking though. You should just keep them.

[00:15:41] [SPEAKER_00] So I told my partner, hey, not Brian's. I don't care whose socks they are. Can you just get them returned? I don't want the dog to get them. He then ignores the question. Asks if I'm going to his family dinner. Which I never say no. So I thought this was odd too. He called me right after. I said, why wouldn't I go? And then said, I don't know. Maybe you wouldn't want to go but you can come obviously. Also, who spends $50 on socks? You sure they're not yours? I remember seeing you wear them.

[00:16:11] [SPEAKER_00] I said, no clue who would pay that much. But I don't want the dog to get them. I know for a fact they're not mine. And apparently they're not Brian's or Maddie's. He said, you spoke to him today. What did he say? So I repeated and he said, okay, well, I've got to go. Bye and have a good day. Love you. And hung up. He knows I'm not controlling or jealous. I don't care if he has friendships or carpools, works with or regularly associates with other females. If he said, oh, that's my friends, this person. And it was a woman.

[00:16:41] [SPEAKER_00] I wouldn't have batted an eye. And he knows this based off previous experiences together. I don't know. It's just odd to me now. And maybe I'm overthinking. Am I stressing or is this something I should be worried about? Yeah, absolutely. This is odd behavior from the boyfriend. And it sounds like it's just deflection. Questioning her memory, lying about Brian and then suddenly claiming he does his own laundry when he actually begs her to do it. And then panicking when she's fact checking him.

[00:17:12] [SPEAKER_00] And Opie said herself, the laundry room was empty at 10 p.m. And then some designer women's socks appear overnight with his clothes. Strange. Strange. But was it me? And I know it's really hard in text format, but the tone from Opie being weird. Just like, oh, I found a woman's sock in our laundry. Can you just return it to the person who it belongs to, please? Not like, why the fuck is there a woman's sock in our laundry room? Either she's playing like some kind of like 4D chess trying to trying to test him to find out where it comes from.

[00:17:41] [SPEAKER_00] Or you're really conflict avoidant. I don't know. Because she was saying, you know, she got no problem with him having women's friends, etc. And all this kind of thing. But that's one thing. But then to find a woman's sock in your laundry room? That's another thing to me. I don't know. I just found it a bit weird. But Electricity Biscuit says, you've been with him five years. You presumably know him very well. So if you think he's acting weird or his response is out of character, trust your gut. You can either have the conversation.

[00:18:09] [SPEAKER_00] Hey, so your reaction to the socks was confusing. Let's talk. And see if he spirals further slash is still super defensive. Or you could let it go for now but watch things closely. Is he being weird about other stuff? Or staying out in non-routine ways? More guarded with his phone or spending longer in the bathroom? That kind of stuff. It's up to you. But don't just sweep it under the rug and convince yourself you're overreacting. You saw what you saw. And those socks came from somewhere. Commodore says, also very shady that the partner's name.

[00:18:39] [SPEAKER_00] And try to turn it around on OP. Sure, they aren't yours. That's the biggest tell. If there was a clear explanation, he would say so. If he truly was bewildered, he would say that. He wouldn't try to gaslight OP. Basically, he low-key told on himself. Color Fuel says, agreed. Was actually anticipating from the title that OP had approached it confrontationally. But it's hard to believe that anyone would be so affected by such a benign situation

[00:19:06] [SPEAKER_00] and comment that it would noticeably affect their behavior for any sustained length of time unless there was more to the story than it would seem. I don't want to immediately jump to cheating. It's possible there could be something else, maybe personally embarrassing to him about the socks. Maybe they're his or he borrowed them in a pinch and initially liked them, but now feels embarrassed once OP described them as small. Or fancy. Maybe too girly. I don't know. I could see something like that going on too.

[00:19:32] [SPEAKER_00] Although I will admit that the anxiety around what his friend may or may not have said to you is particularly worrisome. Keep us updated. OP says, I'm sorry I didn't. I honestly didn't suspect it to be something bigger than it was until it was almost too late to talk about it. He's also a very calm and casual texter. So I didn't want to be confrontational over texts once I did get the iffy feeling. He's also a good liar on the phone. At least from what I've seen him lie to other people. But not really when you're looking at him.

[00:20:02] [SPEAKER_00] I didn't go to dinner with him as I was upset. The comments made me realize the likelihood of him cheating. All this being said, I'm not sure when I'll be able to update tonight or tomorrow as I've had to go to my family's house for an emergency just before he got home. I should be home tonight to talk to him though. So it was a week late so that OP came back in and says I'm really sorry for the delay. Super busy week. I brought this up with him when we were both finally home together and he got frustrated.

[00:20:28] [SPEAKER_00] He got mad and said, paraphrasing, but it was along these words. I thought we dropped this. You should trust me and if you don't, your insecurity is not a reflection of who I am as a person. I told him I'm not insecure about myself or frankly this relationship. If you cheated, you cheated. If you didn't, you didn't. Either way, I'll be okay and I just want to know the truth. No judgment or fights. He continued to fight.

[00:20:55] [SPEAKER_00] Calling me names I'd never heard him call me or any other woman before. I knew right there truthfully. He said I should just trust him after knowing how he felt finding out his mom cheated on his dad. Normally, this would be valid but for him, he wasn't really affected by cheating as such a fucked up thing to do. He was more so guarding himself more and taking a step back from vulnerability. I brought up how he lied and why that concerned me and made him feel this way. But he said he doesn't recall saying the lie.

[00:21:24] [SPEAKER_00] I asked him blatantly if he cheated and he got mad again. I said you need to answer it. And he got mad and yelled nothing fucking happened. Why are you so crazy and insecure? Mind you, I asked if we could talk. He said yes. I was calm and told him how I felt about the situation and wanted to know if anything happened. I did not raise my voice. I did not interrupt. I listened and was clear with what I was asking.

[00:21:49] [SPEAKER_00] I was understanding about his feelings and even apologized for my actions that contributed to his feelings. I was not crazy and I'm not insecure. I told him I want to be strictly friends. He doesn't want to. I've been packing my stuff while looking for an apartment. If I can't find an available home by the time I'm done packing, I'll be moving to my family's house short term. CLDR asked my partner if they cheated and thought about it.

[00:22:16] [SPEAKER_00] Opie then added in the comments that I did tell him the way he spoke to me made me realize on the spot that for one, he was likely lying. But for two, I will never subject myself to being spoken like that and cannot continue to be in a relationship with anyone who can say what he said to their partner. He wants to work it out and thinks one fight shouldn't end a five-year relationship. I let him know that I wouldn't be giving it a fair chance to work if I stayed. I do not see him the same way I saw him before this conversation.

[00:22:44] [SPEAKER_00] It is unfair to drag it out when I know exactly how I feel right now. Last Cut says, tell him that you'll stay if he comes clean. Hopefully record it too. Then continue to dump his sorry ass. Send a text to his father so that he'd be disappointed his son turned out like his mother. Opie says, his father is truly one of the kindest people I met. I wouldn't wish him having any ill feelings with his family. I don't hate my now ex. I just don't love him anymore.

[00:23:10] [SPEAKER_00] Honestly, I felt anger so much this week and has done nothing beneficial. I've been clear in my head, thinking of positives, going through my memories. I felt relief that I know now and not later down the road. Relief that I can solely focus on myself. Relief a baby wasn't involved and that we aren't married. It's a shitty situation but the relief is a way better feeling than the anger. Queen Alpaca says, You're the most level-headed Opie I've come across in a long time. Good for you.

[00:23:40] [SPEAKER_00] And I wish you well in moving on. Opie says, thank you. And truthfully, I don't know if I'd have been level-headed if the conversation went differently. The moment I was being spoken to that way completely made me look at him differently. I didn't want to fight. I didn't want to argue. I didn't want to be with him at all. Kayla says, I commend you for your maturity and being so level-headed. I, on the other hand, am not like this but am working on it. I do have to ask though.

[00:24:08] [SPEAKER_00] Do you think you may have been a bit checked out before the situation came about? I only ask because I've been in similar situations with ex-partners before and I was pretty cool, calm and collected when I ended things. But mainly because I was mostly already checked out of that relationship mentally anyway. Opie says similar but not quite. As soon as he used the words he did, I was done. It was easy for me not to be mad because there was no reason fighting with someone I will be blocking.

[00:24:36] [SPEAKER_00] And there's no reason to fight and act like I care to make it work when I clearly do not. I was a bit anxious following up to our conversation. That was a few after the original post. But I wasn't checked out until the language he used. Commodore says, He couldn't answer a simple yes or no answer and he got mad at you instead. I think you're right for moving on. Classic cheetah maneuver. Darvo. Deny, attack and reverse victim and offender. Just because his mom cheated on his dad doesn't make him immune to cheating.

[00:25:06] [SPEAKER_00] Opie says thank you. Me too. Cinnamon says, Just because it happened with his parents does not mean he wouldn't. It's a cover. Opie says no. It does not mean anything to be honest. But even with that, we've talked about how he felt after knowing this. And it was basically just him having issues with trusting women. Lol. And we're still left with a mystery of whose socks they were in the end. But I don't blame Opie for checking out.

[00:25:32] [SPEAKER_00] It sounds like he said some absolute vile shit that sent her over the edge. And no, that happens. We've seen it a lot in these stories. When someone says a certain thing, no matter what it is, you just can't see that person the same way again. So I don't blame Opie one single bit. What do you guys make of this situation? Where do you think that sock came from? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Just a huge thank you for being here today.

[00:26:02] [SPEAKER_00] Getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much for being here. Truly, it's absolutely amazing. And hopefully, I'm going to see you in the next one. Take care. And much love.