I'm REFUSING To Babysit After Realising My Sister Was USING ME As Leverage In Her Relationship

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:20] [SPEAKER_00] Now today's first story comes from Objective Curve 8101 from the Am I The Arsehole Here subreddit. And it says, Am I The Arsehole Here for refusing to babysit after realising my sister was using me as leverage in her relationship. My sister has a child with her boyfriend. They argue often and she constantly uses her daughter as proof that she deserves more attention or sympathy. Whenever they fight, she drops the child with me so she can leave and make her boyfriend chase her.

[00:00:49] [SPEAKER_00] Last week she asked me to babysit again. I said I had work early the next day and could not. She immediately launched into a speech about how I never support her and how she is a struggling mother and I should be grateful I can help her. Later I found out she had told her boyfriend I agreed to watch the child so she could go out with her friends. She had already made plans while lying about it to the both of us. When her boyfriend found out the truth, he confronted her and she told him, I bailed at the last second.

[00:01:17] [SPEAKER_00] She tried to use me as the villain in their argument. I confronted her and she said, I made everything worse by not cooperating. Ugh, deary me. Just sounds like an awful person using her own kid as like a prop in their relationship drama and then trying to get you involved at the same time. You know, it's planned as well. There's a step-by-step process she's going through to do this. She's thinking about how to do it, etc. It's not like she just did it on a whim. Not that would make it any better.

[00:01:46] [SPEAKER_00] But I always think about the planning and the background to this. There is a thought process behind it and that always feels like it's ten times worse for me. And what did this bloody cheeky so-and-so say to you? You should be grateful you can help her. What the hell?

[00:02:00] What?

[00:02:01] [SPEAKER_00] The first commenter says to AP, not the arsehole. You should be grateful you can help me. Then with a skull emoji saying lol, can't understand why your sister is going to end up a single mum. Fresh Blue Jay says, please keep your distance from her and suggest a therapist to her as she seems addicted to causing drama when it suits her. Wild Alternative says, not the arsehole. I hate people that weaponize their children. It's just absolutely hideous and disgusting. You are never the arsehole for trying to do the right thing for a child.

[00:02:31] [SPEAKER_00] So it was a couple of weeks after this that OP did come in with an update and said, So after the whole situation where my sister lied to both me and her boyfriend, things got even more chaotic. Her boyfriend eventually reached out to me directly. He apologized for the argument and said he just wanted to know what actually happened because my sister's story didn't make sense. I told him the truth calmly. I said no because I had work early and that she still made plans behind everyone's back. He wasn't even surprised.

[00:03:00] [SPEAKER_00] Apparently she has done variations of this before, just not as blatantly. He ended up confronting her again and this time he told her he wasn't going to argue if she was going to drag other people into their issues. She immediately called me angry saying I should have covered for her so she wouldn't look bad. According to her, I made everything 10 times worse by being honest. I told her flat out that I'm not going to lie for her or be used as a prop in her relationship drama. That set her off even more.

[00:03:29] [SPEAKER_00] She accused me of not supporting her as a single mom, even though she's in a relationship and only decides she's single when they are fighting. Since then, I've put some boundaries in place. I told her I will not babysit unless she asks in advance and it's for an honest reason. No more last minute drama, no more guilt traps and absolutely no more using me as a scapegoat. She's been giving me the silent treatment ever since, which honestly has been peaceful.

[00:03:56] [SPEAKER_00] Her boyfriend on the other hand thanked me again for clearing things up and said he'll handle their issues without dragging anyone else in. So yeah, not the dramatic explosion I expected, but at least the truth is out and I'm no longer the family default babysitter slash excuse generator. It just seems like she got everything ass backwards, doesn't it? I mean, she's telling you that you should be grateful that you can help her out. She's now giving you the silent treatment.

[00:04:24] [SPEAKER_00] But like you said on that, that's almost a blessing in some ways. I'd hope she gives you the silent treatment for a bit longer, right? Because she sounds like a bloody nightmare. Society knows says, I went through something similar a few years ago. My sister always used me as a scapegoat when she went out. She even went so far to say that she was at my house while she was hanging out with her boyfriend. She was leaving for several days, leaving her baby at my grandmother's house. And she lied saying that I needed help with important things.

[00:04:53] [SPEAKER_00] And since I have children, she had supposedly asked me not to bring her baby because it bothered me. When I found out, I went to my grandmother to tell her the truth. You are right to set limits. After that, my sister never used me as a cover again. She was angry for a while, but it was also peaceful. Over time, things were fixed. After setting limits little by little, he changed and even became a little responsible. Victory Shaft says, Your sister is shady.

[00:05:21] [SPEAKER_00] The only people who get upset about you having boundaries are the ones who are benefiting from you having none. Our next story comes from the Am I the Asshole subreddit from NYC Trip Mum Throw Away and says, Am I the Asshole for not allowing my daughter to go on an 8th grade school trip? And just to let you know before we do get started in peak COVID times 2020, and then the next part of the story came years later. Just because I think there's references in this story.

[00:05:48] [SPEAKER_00] So, this happened three years ago and my daughter Mallory still resents us for this. I'm asking now because my son is going to be starting the 8th grade next school year, permitting that schools will reopen again and this event isn't cancelled. At my kids' school, there is a big annual spring break trip to New York City and Washington DC. It's something that most of the kids, including my own, were looking forward to. When Mallory started the 6th grade, she talked about wanting to go on the trip.

[00:06:17] [SPEAKER_00] We said she could, so long as she got good grades and didn't get into trouble. When she was in the 7th grade, her aunt Linda got engaged and set her wedding date for the following year. This was going to include a big family reunion with all the relatives because Linda was the last of my siblings to get married. Big fat Catholic family. Many of whom we haven't seen in years. Unfortunately, Linda planned her wedding to take place the same week as Mallory's 8th grade spring break.

[00:06:46] [SPEAKER_00] We ended up having to tell Mallory that she couldn't go on the trip after all because everyone was going to be going to the wedding instead. Like I said, this was going to include a family reunion and it may be the last time we got to see some relatives including her great-grandparents for a long time. Mallory was heartbroken. We offered to take a family trip to New York but she turned it down because she wanted to go with friends and not family. Understandable. Cut to the week of the wedding a year later.

[00:07:14] [SPEAKER_00] We flew out to New Mexico for the ceremony and crashed at my sister's. Not the bride's house. Mallory is still upset about having to be in New Mexico when all of her friends are in New York. A few days before the ceremony was to take place, Linda called off the wedding. Mallory was furious. I can still remember her blow up. She screamed, so I missed my trip for nothing and stormed off into the room she was sharing with her cousins and wouldn't let anyone in. It was a mess afterwards.

[00:07:42] [SPEAKER_00] I tried to cheer Mallory up by offering to take her sightseeing or go see a movie with her cousins but she refused. I gave up after she refused to go to the movies with us saying that she didn't want to watch a dumb kids movie with a bunch of babies. While she is still the oldest of the cousins, the nearest cousin in age was nine at the time. Mallory refused to speak to us during the flight back. To this day, she's still angry at her Aunt Linda. I know Mallory was upset but no one could have predicted that the wedding would be called off.

[00:08:13] [SPEAKER_00] We have tried to make it up to her but she has refused every offer. I know she wants a trip with her friends but that New York trip is expensive and many of her friends' parents were not willing to spend more money on another outing for the girls. Because of this, Mallory thinks I'm an arsehole. Am I? So the first commenter says, which was heavily downvoted by the way, not the arsehole but your daughter is and Opie replied saying well, this was a trip she was looking forward to since starting middle school. Opie also said,

[00:08:43] [SPEAKER_00] We didn't know ahead of time. Linda just suddenly announced two days before the wedding. Had I known it was going to happen, maybe I would have let Mallory go on a trip instead. At the time, we live in a different part of the country and the kids rarely see their grandparents and other extended family. I want them to spend time with them when they can. Another commenter said, No one's an arsehole here, since I don't know why the wedding was called off. She's a teenager. This would have been a very bitter moment but she will let it go.

[00:09:10] [SPEAKER_00] Since it's been a few years, maybe another trip could be organized with her friends. Opie replied saying, Linda's fiance was cheating on her. I feel like the only way to fix this would be to put together a girl's trip for Mallory and her friends. I don't know when that will happen due to the current events. My husband suggested we let her go on a school trip for spring break in high school. She's in a club that does overseas trips but I'm not comfortable with her traveling overseas. The cute hour reply saying, Unless you want this resentment to drag on and on,

[00:09:40] [SPEAKER_00] you really need to find a way to get comfortable with it. High school's overseas trips happen all the time and the students are well protected. Being overprotective is going to make an already unfortunate situation even worse. You owe it to her at this point. Opie says, I don't know if it will happen now. I remember going over the prices with my husband and it cost twice as much for the high school overseas trip than the New York one. It wasn't something we could afford at the time. Aspie says, You're the arsehole.

[00:10:08] [SPEAKER_00] Kids that age don't have a lot of interest in family events like weddings. The trip she missed was a once in a lifetime coming of age event. There is no making up for that. Would anyone have really missed her at the wedding? She wasn't the bride or any other integral part of the wedding. Apie replies saying, Her cousins for one thing, Her grandparents and her great-grandmother. My mother also wanted to take a giant group photo of the relatives to commemorate everyone coming together for the first time in a decade. Aspie replies saying,

[00:10:37] [SPEAKER_00] Would her absence have ruined the wedding? Had it actually taken place? Opie replies saying yes, because then everyone would be asking where Mallory is. Family is very important for my culture. An excuse of a school trip wouldn't work well with my older relatives. Mizelle says, You said her next oldest cousin was nine. If this is a grade 8 trip, then Mallory would have been what? 13? 14? At that age, That's a huge age gap. I doubt they would have cared much in the long run. Think about what you said.

[00:11:06] [SPEAKER_00] You sacrificed letting your daughter go on a once-in-a-lifetime coming-of-age trip that she had looked forward to for a long time so your mother could take a photo. You're the arsehole. Apie replies saying, It wasn't just that. It was an opportunity for us to come together. Mallory hadn't even seen many of her relatives before. It was more of a big deal because her great-grandparents were attending, and it would have likely been the last time we saw them. And it was. Her great-grandfather passed away after a few months. Cuda Owl says, You're the arsehole.

[00:11:36] [SPEAKER_00] It doesn't even sound like you were all close with the people that were getting married. Couldn't she have gone on a trip and you gone to New Mexico? She missed out on a once-in-a-lifetime experience. Of course she's going to be resentful about it. Apie replies saying, The bride was my baby sister. I love her to bits. I was like a second mother to her growing up. Cuda Owl says, Okay, so she is important to you. How often had your kid seen her in her lifetime? Apie says, Once, when she was a baby.

[00:12:04] [SPEAKER_00] I wanted Mallory to meet her aunt and actually have a memory of it. I guess it was a bad memory. Mallory is still angry at Linda. And one more comment from Misty who says, You're the arsehole. That's so unfair. Look, My father sent my little sister to Paris on an actual Europe trip when she was in special classes in the 8th grade, and my dad barely chipped in for regular field trips for us older kids. It creates real resentment between the siblings. And it's just really a jerk move.

[00:12:32] [SPEAKER_00] You should chaperone and take her on the trip when your other child goes because she missed out on something that is a big deal in your town. Treat your kids equally or don't have them. Weddings aren't that important for children to attend. Opie says, We offered that and she turned that down. She didn't want to be stuck with me or a brother or a brother's friends. And for me, I was definitely leaning towards you or the arsehole in this situation. I get it. Family obligations can and are important sometimes.

[00:13:00] [SPEAKER_00] And you couldn't have predicted about what would happen with Linda calling off the wedding. But the thing is, you made Mallory a promise. A tie to her behavior like getting good grades, no trouble. Then the rug was pulled out from her for another event. So like from her perspective, you can see why, you know, she held up her end of the bargain. And then you changed it all at the end. So what does that tell your daughter in the end? That, you know, even if you try your best, keep your promises, it still doesn't matter in the end

[00:13:29] [SPEAKER_00] because you might not get what was promised to you. Which is absolutely brutal to learn at that age. So the update came in the form of a comment from Opie that was based on another post explaining her relationship with her daughter. And it started off with her replying to the post saying, you're not the arsehole. And then says, take it from someone who made this mistake with her own daughter seven years ago. I made my daughter miss her eighth grade trip so that we could attend a family reunion slash wedding,

[00:13:59] [SPEAKER_00] which would go on to be canceled. Mallory resented me for years afterwards. She brought up how much she hated the trip, took her own, and how much she felt left out of a bonding experience her friend shared. She was never close with my side of the family, the one we were visiting, and doesn't want to have anything to do with them now. She found ways to exclude me from other milestones to make me feel how she felt. She didn't want me there when she picked her prom dress and took her dad with her when they got the pictures taken. Even now,

[00:14:28] [SPEAKER_00] our relationship is distant. Her father and I got a divorce years ago. Mallory chose to spend her senior year at her dad's and has made no effort to reach out to me since she went to college. Show your husband this post and tell him that this is his future if he makes his daughter visit his family. My daughter hates me. Won't have anything to do with me anymore. I think it would be fair to say that the majority of comments after this post was just saying missing, missing reasons. There's more to this going on.

[00:14:58] [SPEAKER_00] Maybe this is just like the tip of the iceberg, but what do you guys make of this situation? Do you think it's missing reasons? Do you think there's more to it? Or is it just about that trip? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Let's move on to another story. Now our next story comes from SignificantRun1849 and it says, am I the arsehole for not paying for my friend's dinner when she called me a pedophile? Oof.

[00:15:28] [SPEAKER_00] I, 29 female, moved into my current apartment two years ago. We have an elderly neighbor in her late 70s who mostly keeps to herself. She gets her groceries and medicines delivered every week, but the newspaper delivery boy only drops the paper on the ground floor. Before I moved in, she used to pay some neighborhood kids to bring it up to her, but they moved away shortly after I arrived. So I started bringing her the paper every day. I usually ring the bell and leave it at her door. But when the door is already open,

[00:15:58] [SPEAKER_00] we sometimes have a little chat. She often insists I come in for coffee and always thanks me warmly. I noticed her apartment is filled with pictures of her grandson, probably more than 20. To be honest, I thought he was the cutest baby I'd ever seen. The photos range from his baby days to what he looked like on his 21st birthday. I assumed he was around that age, but never asked, and she never mentioned it. About a year after I moved in, I saw an incredibly attractive guy in our building.

[00:16:27] [SPEAKER_00] I was about 70% sure it was the same kid from the pictures, though he looked older than I expected. When he introduced himself, I found out I was right. We started talking whenever he visited his grandmother, and soon we began dating. We've been together for about eight months now. He's met my parents, and everything has been going well. Last week, I wanted him to meet my college friends and my twin sister, who's currently in town. We all went out to dinner, although it wasn't explicitly discussed.

[00:16:56] [SPEAKER_00] It was kind of assumed that I would cover the bill, usually. When someone introduces their boyfriend to the group, the couple pays. The dinner went really well. My friend, a group of four, and my sister all seemed genuinely happy for us. I was sharing the story of how I met him and his grandmother. At some point, my boyfriend stepped away to take a call. That's when my friend Sarah suddenly called me a pedophile. I was honestly shocked. When I asked her if she was serious, she just said,

[00:17:27] [SPEAKER_00] I know a pedophile when I see one. I was so disturbed by her words that I excused myself. I paid the bill except for Sarah and left with my boyfriend. Later, she messaged me saying that besides being a pedophile, I'm also petty and cheap. It really hurt. I absolutely despise abusers, especially child abusers. So being called something like that has taken a serious emotional toll on me. I'm disgusted by her and the whole situation. What's been bugging me

[00:17:56] [SPEAKER_00] even more is that Sarah was abused by a family member as a child, so now I keep questioning myself. Did I do something wrong? My sister and two of my friends are standing by me. Another friend says she doesn't think I'm a pedophile, but she finds it a bit creepy that I saw him as a baby before we met. My boyfriend, 30 male, actually found it funny at first, but after seeing how upset I've been, he's been reassuring me and telling me it's not weird at all. I don't know what to do. I know I'm not a pedophile,

[00:18:25] [SPEAKER_00] but it's been really upsetting to be seen as one by someone I once trusted. English is not my first language, so pardon me for any mistakes. What the fuck is she waffling on about? What kind of bizarre logic is going on here? Sarah is completely out of line. You met your boyfriend as an adult, started dating him as an adult, there's literally a one-year age gap between you. The fact that, and because you saw him as a baby, that suddenly makes you a pedo. What the? I am lost. And those accusations

[00:18:55] [SPEAKER_00] can be incredibly damaging. And the other friend calling it creepy is also bizarre because by that logic, anyone who's ever looked at a picture of their partner's baby photos before dating them would be suspect. That's the kind of logic we're looking at here, right? Fuck you, it's weird. But a commenter says, you did Sarah a favor by teaching her that bizarre accusations attract consequences. Commodore says, this is the part that struck me as most crazy.

[00:19:24] [SPEAKER_00] Sarah called her friend a pedophile and instead expected that friend to pay for a dinner. Why the fuck do you get to be that rude to someone and still think they're picking up your check? Dramatic says, Sarah uses her childhood trauma as a weapon. While she deserves sympathy for her trauma, she doesn't get to treat others like shit. Commodore says, not the arsehole, Sarah is insane. Unless you said you found his baby pictures more sexually arousing than you find him now as an adult. Her comments are utterly absurd and well past any sort of normal.

[00:19:54] [SPEAKER_00] Commodore says, not the arsehole and not a pedophile. Sarah's nuts. Beach says, you saw a baby photo and later met a man who is 30. What kind of weird-ass perception does your friend have that thinking a photo is cute and then having a relationship with a man who is older than you makes you a pedophile. Your friend is warped. Enjoy your relationship and cut the dead weight of her judgment and tell her you didn't pay for her food in case you accused her of grooming next. Triz quotes saying,

[00:20:24] [SPEAKER_00] I know a pedophile when I see one and then says, no, you absolutely don't, Sarah, you knobhead. Dr. Business says, seeing him as a baby in photos makes you a pedo. What? So, so meeting my husband when he was 14 makes me one too. Like, where does the insanity end? Not the arsehole anyways. There's something wrong with those people. Maybe she's projecting. So, it was two months after this that OP did come in with an update and says, I got a lot of questions on why I was using

[00:20:53] [SPEAKER_00] my friend's throwaway account and why not create one if you see the profile you could see my friend's post and another subway surfer's post posted by another friend of ours. We just thought it'd be nice to use one account with all three of our problems. There is no logical reason apart from we just wanted to. Kind of like our friend's thing, lol. If you feel it's fake, that's okay too. I'm not going to argue with a bunch of internet strangers. I used ChatGPT to correct my mistakes and posted it earlier. I was a mess on the day I posted

[00:21:23] [SPEAKER_00] with so many spelling mistakes. On to the update. Me and my boyfriend went on a short trip after the incident and my friend Sarah contacted my boyfriend and rambled about how our relationship is not appropriate and called me names when she saw our photos from the trip on my boyfriend's profile. We blocked her and our other friend who supported Sarah. Life has been good. I don't know what they have been up to but I sometimes miss them. Unrelated topic but remember my boyfriend's grandmother?

[00:21:51] [SPEAKER_00] We threw a surprise party for her a few weeks back and we took so many photos with her. She framed one photo with me and my boyfriend with her in her house which was so freaking sweet. Also I don't have a twin sister. I just wanted to alter some details for privacy. I've seen so many people use twin sister in a reddit story. So the sister in my previous post is my older sister. Really appreciate everyone's advice. Absolutely OP's right in this situation to be blocking

[00:22:20] [SPEAKER_00] this nonsense and being done with it because you know throwing accusations like that around can be just so damaging. And I also get OP would be missing the friendships that she lost. Of course you do. Even when they've done some stupid shit like this. But you're still right to have them blocked out of your lives and you know regardless I hope that Sarah whilst 100% not agreeing with her in any way shape or form does get some therapy or something along those lines

[00:22:50] [SPEAKER_00] that's clearly needed in this because no one wants this behavior to continue right? Not healthy for her it's damaging to the people around her and she's clearly got some stuff going on. Again I don't agree with the behavior that's happened in this story but there's clearly stuff going on that she needs to deal with. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Just a huge thank you for being here today getting involved in the stories your love your support your time

[00:23:19] [SPEAKER_00] it always means the absolute world to me so thank you so much for being here and hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.