I Ignored A Groomsman At A Wedding And Now The Bride Is Angry With Me r/Relationships

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. Super cheeky of you. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now, today's first story comes from SubstantialT4119 titled, Am I the arsehole for ignoring the groomsman?

[00:00:29] This happened at a wedding I was a bridesmaid at a few weeks ago. I, 35 female, have never been married. No kids and more than likely will be the last of my friend group to get married. I've been a bridesmaid too many times to count. Almost always I get paired off with another single guy. My family and friends treat this as an attempt to hook me up with the other single guy. They think it would be so romantic if we tell our grandkids who we met at a wedding. I've never been interested in these guys.

[00:00:58] At the last wedding I was at, I was paired off with a groom's 42-year-old stepbrother. Off the bat, I wasn't interested in Dave. If I were to see his profile on a dating app, I would immediately swipe left. Back to this wedding. I get through the ceremony and I'm now at the reception. I run into some old friends I haven't seen in a long time and didn't know they would be in town.

[00:01:20] So we spent the night together catching up and covertly watching a VGK, VGK, Googling, Googling, Vegas Golden Knights ice hockey team, watching a VGK game someone was streaming on their phone. The bride came up to me and asked if I wanted to sit with Dave. He was alone at a table and wanted to get to know me better.

[00:02:11] At least I could have just saw him for a few minutes and be nice to him. First off, I'm sick of being nice just to make a man happy. I told her that I was just there to be a bridesmaid, not to be a minder for a middle-aged man. She still called me out for being a rude, stuck-up B. Was I the arsehole or was the bride being at a line? One more thing. A few months before the wedding, I started to see a guy I met at a conference.

[00:02:38] I never told anyone because I wasn't sure if the relationship would last at the time. I didn't plan on telling anyone until we hit a milestone because there would be some pushback. It's an international, long-distance relationship. Even if I was single, I'm still not interested in Dave. That's such a weird... I'm trying to imagine that situation where you're just stood there, catching up, chatting with friends, you know, having a good time. And Dave sat over there at a table just waiting for you.

[00:03:07] And can you send her over, please? I would like to meet her. It's just weird. Sounds like there's some kind of like speed dating event going on there. Then for the bride to get upset about it and still be upset about it weeks later, just shows how she doesn't really care about Opie's feelings or comfort. Absolutely not the arsehole in any way, shape or form. It's just such a weird thing. The first commenter said to this, indeed, You were not, nor should have been.

[00:03:36] A minder for a middle-aged man. If Dave thought you were cute and wanted to spend time with you, he could have opened his mouth and said so. Imagine if you ended up dating or marrying Dave. Then you could be his social coordinator and handholder, possibly for the rest of your life. Doesn't that sound like a plan? Sarcasm. If you'd been told being a date with Dave was the bride's expectation of you as a member of the bridal party, you could have saved yourself money and time and excused yourself from the whole event.

[00:04:05] Not the arsehole. Opie replies saying, If I had known, I would have had to babysit an unemployed 42-year-old man who is twice my size. I would have dropped out of bridesmaid detail and then retire from the position. The bad agent says, Another user says, Not the arsehole. There's nothing inherently wrong with introducing two single people who might hit it off.

[00:04:35] But let it go if they're not interested. This is so weird. Your friend needs to chill and back off. That being said, some of the things you're saying about him on here are kind of mean. You didn't have to be interested, but you didn't have to be cruel either. Hope you didn't say these things to his face. That would definitely make you the arsehole. The veggie whisperer says in quotes, Apparently he thought I was cute and wanted to get to know me better. He just couldn't because he struggles with social cues.

[00:05:03] And then says, ah, the age-old trope. Because you're single and 35, you must want any man on earth. And anyone who tries to set you up is doing you the world's biggest favor. The entitled bride is treating your time like some kind of charity project for the benefit of an adult man who clearly hasn't grown up. You are not the arsehole on any level. You had a great evening with your friends, and you didn't want to be set up with rando number 50 just because you two happened to be the last two fish in the fucking barrel.

[00:05:31] Unfortunately, a lot of people have no respect for single women. Our time or our energy. MD Steam Park says, Not the arsehole. Your friends sound obnoxious, and it sounds like bride promised you to Dave and was left in a bad spot. That's on them. You're under no obligation to like or even entertain advances from people just because you were single. You need to have a firm discussion with your friends about this behavior and ask them to stop. Thank them for caring about you, but assure them you're not in need of help dating

[00:06:00] and will ask if it's wanted. As for the long-distance relationship, as someone who works in a profession that sees the harm of romance scams, please be careful. Good luck. So a year later, OP came back into the post with her update and says, Hello, I made a post about a year ago about a wedding I was at where I ignored the groomsman who wanted to hook up with me. It didn't get much attention, but the comments were all pretty life-affirming. I've been going through a pretty hard time for a few years now.

[00:06:29] It's frustrating to see your friends find that one and settle down while you're still struggling to navigate your 30s alone. Especially when you're from a family and part of a country where if a woman isn't married with kids by a certain age, something must be wrong with her. My family and friends mean well, but they don't always see how their actions hurt me. Dave did try to reach out to me after the wedding, but I just blocked him. I haven't seen him since, nor do I care to know what he's up to. I stopped talking to the bride.

[00:06:58] I really didn't appreciate their name-calling or being expected to babysit a middle-aged man. Anyway, I wanted to update on the story so I can close out that part of my life. After the wedding, I made it clear to everyone, I'm done being a bridesmaid. I'm officially retired. If you're getting married, good for you. I'm not going to be a bridesmaid. Not even for an all-expenses-paid bachelor trip to Cancun. I think the fact that I was getting drunk and watching a hockey game with friends at the reception said it all.

[00:07:27] I'm just burned out from going to too many weddings. That retirement became official over the summer. I'd mentioned that I was in a long-distance relationship. It didn't work out, but it did introduce me to a pretty big career opportunity. I spent a pretty big chunk of 2024 applying for this gig, waiting to see if I got hired and when I did, close out my life in America. I'm now living in Australia, at a job I love and being able to be my own person.

[00:07:54] I cut my hair, I got some tattoos, I found a hobby I love. I have new friends who run on the same vibe. I don't think I'm going to get married. If I do, that's great. But at my age, I don't think kids are in my future anymore. And you know what? I'm starting to accept it. My family doesn't, but I have siblings with kids so my parents can spoil them. I think I just needed to get away from a really restrictive place in order to find my own happiness. Thanks guys. I really needed this advice in my life.

[00:08:24] Still love the VGK and now I can rep them from down under. And after all that, I just felt like good for OP. What an amazing outcome for them that they're getting to find themselves. If you're happy being single, absolutely good for you. Enjoy your life. Enjoy your friends. Enjoy your new hobbies. It almost just felt like OP was stuck. Almost like in a sitcom where everyone still knows each other and it's all the same friend groups, etc, etc.

[00:08:52] And nothing really changes. I mean, it might not be the case, but whatever it is, I'm glad that OP is finding some happiness. Absolutely. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Although I have to say, I was a little bit curious to what Dave was going to say on the phone. Now our next story comes from Technical Cause 4323 from the Am I the Arsehole here subreddit and says,

[00:09:21] Am I the Arsehole for telling my wife she's perfect the way she is after she gave birth a month ago, which resulted in her lashing onto me. Being married to my wife for two years. I'm 24 and she's 26. After she got pregnant, she always would find fault in every little thing she did or I did. Constantly complains about everything. It started during her second trimester and didn't stop but got worse. I always was by her side and comfort her and she would calm down for our baby.

[00:09:51] But yesterday, she had a breakdown. She was sobbing so much when I went to her and asked her what's wrong. She took her clothes off and screamed, look at me and look at my belly. I gave her a hug and told her that it's a bit different now but certainly will get better. Just give it some time. I said I love her the way she is and our bodies change over time. But my love towards her never will fade because I love her for who she is, not her body. She screamed at me and said why am I pitying her?

[00:10:18] Am I enjoying the way she is and her body is? Do I want an ugly wife? I said you got it all wrong and hugged her. She grabbed my collar and aggressively kissed me. I didn't like it but I went with it for her. She said that I'm not allowed to sleep with her tonight. She loves me but if I were to say something like this again, she'll punch me. I tried stopping her and explained myself but she didn't listen to me and grabbed our baby and went to sleep.

[00:10:44] I didn't bother her by going to our bedroom despite wanting to see my baby for my wife's sake. But now I'm wondering if I said something wrong. I just wanted to comfort her, not insult her. I didn't mean to hurt her but she took it as if I was making fun of her or putting up with her. So am I the arsehole. I don't even understand what I did wrong here. Secret sister Sarah says not the arsehole. Sounds like she either has postpartum rage or postpartum psychosis. Either way, she needs psychiatric help now.

[00:11:14] She was violent towards you and her mood swings could pose a threat to you, herself and the baby. Anxious Telephone says, Is she seeing a psychiatrist and or psychologist right now? The hormone rollercoaster during and after pregnancy is wild and can truly cause some women to lose their minds and or wills to live. Postpartum psychosis and depression are debilitating. She sounds like she needs professional help for her sake and for your baby's sake as well.

[00:11:42] Opi says no she isn't but after the way she reacted I'm scared and don't really know how to bring it up to her. Anxious replies saying incredibly fair. She seems very volatile right now. That's something you could reach out to your family care doctor about and ask them for their advice on the matter. But I will urge you to do so. This is a matter of safety for everyone involved including yourself. Opi responded saying,

[00:12:40] I know she loves me and I love her as well. Iola says, The phrase loving someone to death while in the majority of the time is hyperbole comes from the fact that some people have killed someone because they love them so much. That because they couldn't trust anyone else with them.

[00:13:10] Or where there has been murder slash suicide. It's not always a protective fact you seem to think it is. This doesn't mean your wife is suffering with psychosis. But it is a scary thing for both her and those who love her. Please seek help. So Opi came in with her update and said, I'm thankful for everyone's advice. It's the first time for me that my wife is reacting the way she is. And it's also the first time for her to give birth. And see her body change so drastically. But when I was reading the comments,

[00:13:39] I saw so many people suggested that I should leave because my wife said she would punch me. I don't think it's a good idea for me to run away and leave my love and my baby behind to tend for themselves. Anyway, I'm focused on comments about helping her as soon as possible for her. For her and our baby's sake. I don't know much about PPD or psychosis, but no matter, I'm willing to take a punch from her if it calms her down. Normally she wouldn't say that and I don't think it's abuse. I think she's just suffering.

[00:14:08] After reading all the comments, I decided to call my mother-in-law. I explained to her everything and what my wife said. My mother-in-law said why I didn't tell her sooner. Why did I wait? I said, I'm sorry. She said, Don't apologize. She's flying to us, but it will take her a while so I should try my best to comfort her. Last time I tried to comfort her about her body, but this time I thought it'd be best if I talked to her about our love and how much we love our baby. I went to her and she was playing with our baby. And when she saw me, she asked me what do I want? I said,

[00:14:38] Can we hug each other for a while? She said yes. We both hugged each other and held our baby together. I expressed my love to her. I told her how much I love her and she and our baby are the most important for me, my priority. She and our baby is my everything. And I said, I'm sorry. And I want to be in her and our baby's life till I die and do everything I can for them. Her and our baby's health and well-being is what I think about all the time. My wife started crying and I just didn't say anything. Just hugged me and cried.

[00:15:07] But after I told her that she should put our baby to sleep first, she calmed down. After our baby fell asleep, I comforted her more. She didn't say anything at all and just kept crying and hugging me on the couch. I kept telling her that I love her and will always do. And no matter what, I will always be by her side to help her. And I know she loves me. She was silent, but I was kissing her forehead and face and eventually she fell asleep. And still sleeping by my side.

[00:15:33] I text my mother-in-law about everything and will do if there's a drastic change in my wife's behavior. I told her that she shouldn't tell my wife that I talked to her and I'm texting because I don't want my wife to wake up and know about it all. My mother-in-law said she knows what to do, but I should take care of her until she arrives. So yeah, that's all that's happened. I'm going to stay awake until my mother-in-law arrives and helps my wife if she needs help. Meanwhile, I will read more and educate myself. I'm happy that she's sleeping peacefully.

[00:16:02] Posting this once again for advice, I would appreciate it. I decided to not involve doctors yet until my mother-in-law arrives. And like others said, she will know what to do. The first comment I said to OP and quoted the part saying, I decided to not involve doctors yet until my mother-in-law arrives. And like others said, she will know what to do. And then said, your whole post is good until this part. Absolutely get the doctors involved. You do not need to be relying on hopes and dreams to get your wife treatment. Please get her to talk to a professional.

[00:16:32] Mark Ann says, agree with this completely. As a nurse, I can tell you that postpartum depression and or psychosis is not something to muck about with. I hate to say this, but she needs to be evaluated. It's possible that she may recover in a week, but there is no way to know for sure with her behavior being this drastically changed. It is not worth the risk. D. Savannah says, you're doing your best to support her, which is really important. Just remember reaching out to a professional might help both you

[00:17:00] and your wife get through this challenging time even more effectively. You're not alone in this and seeking help can make a big difference. OP says, no, no, professional therapist is a necessity at this point for both of us. Forget about me. It's necessary for her. But I thought it's better if I followed my mother-in-law's advice yesterday. But I thought it's better if I followed my mother-in-law's advice. Yesterday, my wife lashed out on me. Today, she said, do what I want. Calling a doctor is not a problem.

[00:17:28] It just takes a call and a bit of money and I don't care about it. But the thing is, she might get angry and start overthinking and I want to avoid that for her health. She's currently sleeping peacefully. And my mother-in-law said she knows what to do and just wait unless it's an emergency. So I decided to wait and let her sleep peacefully. Not that I don't want her to get help from a professional. It's I don't know how to bring it up to her. And I want her to sleep unless it's an emergency, of course. Her mother knows way more than I and my wife do.

[00:17:55] And I decided to trust her judgment and wait. And there was a mix of other comments on this. Some people agreeing, you know, to get professionals involved immediately. Other people saying that they think OP is right to wait for mother-in-law because, you know, it is just the two of them. And if the wife reacts badly to OP bringing up professionals, et cetera, it could cause more damage. And with the mother-in-law there, it just makes things that little bit more secure. But what do you guys make of this situation?

[00:18:26] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Now, the next story comes from the Am I the Asshole subreddit from webpage, which says, Am I the Asshole to skip my parents' annual Christmas tree tradition because I'm six months pregnant and want to start new traditions of our own. I'm a 33-year-old first-time mom. My husband's 34 and I are expecting our first baby and I'm six months pregnant.

[00:18:52] I'm the oldest of four kids and every year my parents would take us 45 minutes into the mountains to cut down a Christmas tree from their friend's Christmas tree farm. It's been a family tradition for as long as I can remember. Rain or shine would be up there the first week of December doing this. I never particularly enjoyed the tradition personally. It's usually freezing cold, wet and this particular Christmas tree is kind of boring in my opinion. Because it's so remote and they don't offer any amenities like some of the other tree farms in the area do.

[00:19:22] For example, think fire pits, activities for small children, hot cocoa, wreath making, etc. It's just very bare bones. My parents like it because it's their friend's place and we've gone every year and they don't like change. Since marrying my husband eight years ago, I've gone along with this tradition even though my husband and I both dislike it. And we find it to be a thing that my dad guilt's us into going along with. My younger siblings, none of them have kids, also kind of guilt trip me by saying like,

[00:19:51] none of us like it but we just do it for dad. Why are you being an arsehole? This year my husband is really asking me to put my foot down and break away from this tradition so that we can start our own tradition for our daughter. Something that we actually look forward to and that is more kid friendly. There are some lovely tree farms in our area, North California, that are very kid friendly and that we'd like to check out. I offered to my parents, hey, how about we try this other tree farm because it has stuff for kids and fire pits and stuff

[00:20:20] and I think that could be a fun change. And they said, no, our tradition is to go to Joey's place. My dad is sending texts like, come on, this is a tradition I cherish and it's only an hour of your time. What's the big deal? My sisters are sending texts like, if you want to try another farm then just do both. What's your problem? Just do it for dad. The thing is though, it's not an hour of my time. It's 45 minutes from our house to the farm, 45 minutes back, a couple of hours at the farm

[00:20:49] and it's an experience my husband and I never particularly enjoy for a variety of reasons. We'd really like to scope out a more fun and kid friendly place to bring our daughter to. My parents have always been loving parents who mean well so I have no real complaints about how they raised me. Which is part of why this makes it so hard for me to say no to them. Am I the arsehole for declining to continue this family of origin Christmas tradition now that I'm having children of my own? My family says I am. What do you all think?

[00:21:18] Miss Sin says not the arsehole, especially being six months pregnant. Seems like a trek. And then when you have a kid, what will you want to do? That said, what are the other family traditions? Is this the only one that's important or are there other ones coming up for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day? Why do I ask? I hated traveling with kids on the 12-24 and 12-25. So if I could give up actual Christmas Day drama by having a family day earlier to get a tree, good trade off. My kids wanted us to stay home on Christmas Day and open gifts and play with gifts.

[00:21:48] Call whoever wants to join us, but traveling with kids that day was not fun for any of us. So think about this day, other days, both families. What do you want to do and how do you include your families as appropriate? Go from there. OP replied saying this is great advice. So think about this for the future. I agree that hauling a baby or a kid around on Christmas Day would not be fun for us or them. Rick Russell says not the arsehole. OP, slow down, stop all this. You and your husband are your own family.

[00:22:18] If you'd prefer to do something different, don't negotiate, don't argue, don't justify, don't defend yourself, don't explain. Say, hubs and I have decided to do something different this year. Have fun and send me the photos. By focusing on nitpicky details like amenities, distance, et cetera, you're basically saying, here are my reasons, now start arguing with me and tell me why my reasons suck. Stop doing that. It's exhausting. You don't need to justify yourself. Not this year, but thank you for asking,

[00:22:47] is all you need to say. Who fears death says, why are you trying to get adults to go to a location with kid-friendly activities when the only kid will still be in your uterus? If you don't want to go, don't. Quit trying to center yourself in the tradition because think of the kids when she's not even here yet. Firefly Browncoat says, you're the arsehole. I think you're being disingenuous framing this as wanting to start your own traditions when there's nothing stopping you from doing both. You just think it's boring and you don't feel like doing it anymore, which is understandable.

[00:23:17] But sometimes the red advice tends to be black and white. Don't do anything you don't feel like doing ever, not even for someone you love. Real life is more complicated and nuanced than that. And while it's true that it's within your rights to say no, ask yourself if skipping the tradition and not spending just a few hours with your family is worth making your dad sad over, something that clearly means so much to him. As someone who's lost a parent, one day you might look back on this and wish you chose differently. El Lardo replied to that saying,

[00:23:46] I can't believe it took this long to find a you're the arsehole response, which you are. As you're about to find out, your dad has spent 33 years doing things for his children that were boring. Not what he wanted to do and not where he wanted to be. He's asking for one thing around Christmas that is important to him. Why does it matter? It makes him happy. You could choose not to do this thing for him and maybe it would be justified, but as nothing in your post indicated that he was or is a bad parent, it would make you the arsehole. And another comment,

[00:24:16] because this one's got everyone sucks here. I wanted the whole three, the big, the big trio. Another one says, I have to go with everyone sucks here. You clearly aren't into this tradition and it's okay to push back to the point of not going if you really don't like it. It sounds frustrating that your family isn't listening to you. That said, it's a little disingenuous to say it's because you want to start a new Christmas tradition. Have three little kids, two separated parents and a pair of in-laws. We have traditions with each part of our family plus traditions for just the five of us.

[00:24:45] It's not a zero-sum game and you can create new traditions while upholding the old. Don't be those parents that expect everyone to cater to your every need because you have a kid now. You don't even have one yet. Either suck it up for this mediocre tradition or bail. But don't make it about your unborn child. If you use the baby as leverage, it will only cause resentment down the road. And this is one of those ones that should be just like a simple answer really, shouldn't it? But there's so many different answers on this one. You know,

[00:25:15] what tradition means to people, how you get locked into certain things because of tradition, compromising for other family members and, you know, should be just being happy that family's getting together and sharing love and etc. Other people saying, you know, just do exactly what you want. You know, it's your time. And that's kind of the way I felt initially when I read the post. I felt, well, you know, it's your time and everyone seems to be being a bit stubborn around this tradition. No movement at all. I'd much rather go to a tree farm

[00:25:44] where there's hot chocolate, maybe cake, some wreath making and all that other stuff. And I understand, though, that the tradition probably means a lot to the father as well, getting the family together, etc, etc. So it makes it incredibly difficult. But I also know for myself, I would go to something that I didn't particularly enjoy just to spend time with my family at the same time. But I just find it not annoying. I can't think of the word right now, but I just find it, it just bugs me that there's just no movement.

[00:26:14] I know it's tradition and I do love tradition, but it's one of the things that winds me up about tradition is that there's, it's tradition, so there's no movement around anything, even if everyone dislikes it. I just sit back in my chair and it's like, isn't it just about family getting together, right? When I was young, I don't know, 10 years old, let's say, maybe even a little bit younger, one of my favorite things that I used to do with my dad around Christmas time that I considered tradition was going to deliver

[00:26:43] Christmas cards with him around our local area and then coming back and having a hot chocolate. But he would give me the cards and I would run off and post them in the letterbox and we'd go to the next house, et cetera, et cetera, and he would time me to see how fast I could do them sometimes and all this kind of stuff. And it wasn't the fact that we were going out delivering cards in the cold because it was fucking awful, but spending that time with my dad was just absolutely awesome and it was just a simple thing. It was alone time with my dad then we'd come back and he'd make me a hot chocolate

[00:27:13] and then we'd sit and watch TV together. I don't know. What do you guys make of this one? Have you got like your own family traditions that you maybe dislike but still attend? What would you do in this particular situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now, just a huge thank you for being here today, getting involved in these stories, your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much and hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love. Take care. Bye.