My Girlfriend Hid My Laptop Out Of Spite - Is This Breakup Worthy? | r/AmIWrong

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider hitting the like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:22] [SPEAKER_00] Now today's first story comes from DizzyUniversity587. From the AmIWrong subreddit and it says, AmIWrong for treating this as breakup worthy? Partner intentionally hid my laptop out of spite. This is a throwaway account. Some context, my partner, late 20s female, and I, late 20s female, have been together seven years.

[00:00:49] [SPEAKER_00] We've had periods of breaking up and getting back together. We recently moved in together after a long period of what felt like stability and growth. But since the moving process and moving in, there's been a lot of strife and fighting. Some of it old problems coming back up and some of it new issues.

[00:01:08] [SPEAKER_00] One reoccurring problem is my partner struggles with organization and will put her things such as clothes, accessories, etc. in piles in a specific but non-designated place for those things. For example, putting a pile of clothes and jewelry on the couch or entry table. When I or she accidentally move these items, usually due to needing to use that space for its intended purpose or some other purpose, it becomes a huge problem.

[00:01:37] [SPEAKER_00] She gets frustrated and overwhelmed quickly. Has wanted me to drop what I'm doing to look for it. With an undercurrent of it being my fault, it's misplaced and my responsibility to find it. Which makes me not want to help anymore. And half the time it ends up in a fight. It's exhausting. We're still in the process of unpacking and settling in. And right now one of our bathrooms is filled with storage. She put a stack of her clothes, including a hat, on top of the storage items.

[00:02:07] [SPEAKER_00] I needed to get those items to organize the house and I did my best to put her things together. I didn't recall moving the hat. Cue breakfast time, we're having a fine morning. Chatting and everything is good. She's getting dressed and goes to get her hat. Which is not where she remembers putting it. Immediately, she's upset with me. Telling me I need to stop touching her stuff and how I always do this and she is agitated and frustrated.

[00:02:34] [SPEAKER_00] I tell her calmly but firmly that I have no intention of moving her things. But if I need to get to the storage, I will simply have to touch her stuff. And that I probably fell behind some things and to keep looking because I know she will find it. She didn't want to hear that. She became increasingly more upset, talking at me, stormed around criticizing me instead of actively looking. And I lost my patience and left on a walk in the middle of her talking. Fast forward to that afternoon.

[00:03:03] [SPEAKER_00] Partner is not home. I'm looking around for my laptop. I have finals due the next day and I need to start working. Keep in mind, I do have another laptop that I just bought to replace my old one. But I hadn't set it up yet. And to manage my fickle ADHD motivation, I was going to use setting up my computer as a reward for completing my finals on my old laptop. I can't find my laptop anywhere. It's not in the place I always leave it.

[00:03:30] [SPEAKER_00] My gut immediately says that she took it or moved it. But I decide to look around first and make sure I didn't miss anything. I look everywhere. I text her. Did you see my laptop with you? She takes a while to text back. No, I don't have your laptop. I ask if she's seen it and she can check her iCloud since it used to be connected. She said no, it's been disconnected for a while. I text again. Okay, so have you seen it? No reply.

[00:04:00] [SPEAKER_00] I'm now 95% convinced she's lying to me. But I didn't want to believe that she would actually do this. She comes home in the evening. I ask again about my laptop. She sits on the couch, not looking at me, focusing on something else while I'm asking to talk to her about it. She chortles at my suggestion that the only other logical option, if you don't have it, and it's not in the apartment, is that it's stolen. We live in a building. I keep pressing her.

[00:04:29] [SPEAKER_00] She says offhandedly, I don't know. Did you check that closet? She walks over to the closet to put away her jacket and I walk over to watch her, suspecting she would pull it out of her bag or something. I didn't see her move anything and I ask, Why would you suggest that closet specifically? This goes on for a few more minutes with her smiling smugly and snickering and I'm getting increasingly upset. She's telling me she's too busy to help me find my laptop by answering my questions.

[00:04:59] [SPEAKER_00] Finally, I walk over again to the closet. The tiniest piece of doubt, wondering if maybe I didn't check it fully. And lo and behold, it's sitting right there on top of some jackets. The same jackets I completely pulled out of the closet while digging through to find my laptop. It wasn't there before. I absolutely lose it. I'm livid. I'm yelling at her that she is weird and that was cruel and disgusting behavior.

[00:05:24] [SPEAKER_00] I tell her I don't want to be in a relationship with her and I don't want to be in a relationship like this. Once I say that, she doubles down since I broke up with her and just proceeds to dismiss that it's just a computer and it's not that serious. And was attempting still to make it seem like it was there in the closet the whole time. Turns out she hid it on a top shelf. The only place in this entire apartment I didn't check.

[00:05:50] [SPEAKER_00] She still has not apologized and said she has no reason to since we're broken up. Her response and the whole situation made me feel sick to my stomach. I absolutely hate pranks. She knows this. And this wasn't even a prank. She basically admitted to doing this because she was pissed at me for losing her hat. Mind you, I found her damn hat while looking for my laptop. Exactly where I said it would be. This feels extremely serious to me.

[00:06:19] [SPEAKER_00] It doesn't feel like a petty little act. It feels disrespectful. Like a breach of my privacy in our shared space and genuinely cruel. I told her I don't think you can care for someone and love them and do something like this. Intentionally cause them distress, confusion and harm. I cannot fathom how she thought this would play out. The whole process of breaking up is daunting. I historically have not been good at maintaining my boundaries and my resolve when breaking up in the past.

[00:06:47] [SPEAKER_00] I initiated but we were both expressing unhappiness. We live together now and while the apartment is spacious, it is challenging to split up rooms. Only one bed and the other room is still being used as storage. And finding a new apartment is even more challenging with financial constraints having just moved so recently. I've been feeling a lot of frustration with our dynamics aside from the situation. As has she. I love her a lot but I'm at my wits end.

[00:07:16] [SPEAKER_00] I don't know if things will get better or if we are doomed. We've tried couples counseling again recently and it didn't go well. Partner was shut down and didn't like the therapist. Our communication is not improving. I need advice on how to move forward in this situation. Now let's face it, the laptop thing wasn't a prank. She was lying, she watched you panic before finals and then was smirking about it while you searched.

[00:07:45] [SPEAKER_00] Whenever stuff like this happens I always think what unhinged behavior that is. And the fact that you've already broken up multiple times and you moved in hoping for some kind of stability. And then you fell back into the same patterns afterwards. Kind of saying like the writings on the wall for this relationship in my opinion. I certainly wouldn't be going down the path of just staying with her because leaving is hard. Because that's not a reason in the end. But Kit Kat says to OP,

[00:08:34] [SPEAKER_00] Another commenter says it's cruel and sheds light on her underlying personality. Most of us in serious long term relationships couldn't fathom causing stress or upset to a partner. But that is clearly not her. Run at the first opportunity. My spidey senses tell me there is a possibility of some form of retaliation towards you if you double down on the breakup. No reveal says to OP, If this is real, unlikely, you moved in together unwisely.

[00:09:04] [SPEAKER_00] Your partner or ex has serious real problems. Obviously you have some as well. Neither are you in a place to cohabit. Unless you can get to a place where you and your partner can have an honest conversation and she can hear you. You're going to have to manage until one of you can leave. It also seems like it would not be a good idea to stay in touch after. OP replies saying damn it's truly that unbelievable huh? Thanks for your feedback.

[00:09:30] [SPEAKER_00] It started getting rough during the moving process after what felt like a long stretch of progress. Healthier communication and stability. I wouldn't have decided to move in otherwise. I chalked it up to the stress of moving and we do each have our own mental health struggles. Which were exasperated at the time for her. And we had least deadlines approaching so we went for it. But looking back the moving process was a red herring for what was to come. And yes it was probably unwise.

[00:09:58] [SPEAKER_00] And Madame Kitsune quotes saying it started getting rough during the moving process after what felt like a long stretch of progress. Healthy communication and stability. I wouldn't have decided to move in otherwise. And then says it's commonly accepted that reaching milestones in a relationship that make it harder to leave can often be a time when a shitty person drops the mask. Moving in together is one that comes up often. In other words she continuously kept her crappy behavior in check.

[00:10:25] [SPEAKER_00] Showing that it's somewhat a choice on her part to act that way. Until she felt that she had you secured well enough to start letting the mask slip. Then dropping it completely once the lease was signed and you were moved in. You should stay broken up. And keep working on ways to either get her out or get yourself out. You might take a financial hit to do it. But compared to what staying with her is going to cost you. I'd seriously consider just choking it down and dealing with it. And don't go back again.

[00:10:55] [SPEAKER_00] No matter how sweet she acts. How many promises she makes or how much progress she shows. She's just shown you that she'll fake it for as long as she needs in order to get what she wants. So OP did come in with an update and said I female late 20s posted a few days ago about my partner female late 20s hiding my laptop in revenge for me accidentally misplacing her hat. Allegedly. And me breaking up with her for it. An update. I've been avoiding speaking to her.

[00:11:24] [SPEAKER_00] Sleeping on the couch. Getting my affairs in order quietly. She's been finding ways to try and rage bait me. Last night at 2am she comes into the living room where I'm sleeping to ask. Where I put my rose toy. If you know. You know. I put it away because it's mine. It was always meant to be my personal toy. But she took quasi pronunciation ownership over it. I simply don't want her using it anymore.

[00:11:52] [SPEAKER_00] She proceeds to harass me for 40 minutes straight to tell her where it is. To please give it to her. That she just needs it to sleep. As she disrupts my sleep. I had to lock myself in the bathroom twice. Because she wouldn't respect me telling her to leave me alone. And kept coming back. At the end of this tirade she asks. When are you leaving for holiday trip? I tell her don't know. And to please leave me alone and let me sleep. No. I just need to know when you are going to be gone. For an extended period of time.

[00:12:22] [SPEAKER_00] Because yeah. I just need to know. Implying she needs to know when I'll be gone. So she can get her rocks off with someone else in the house. I didn't get to sleep until after 3am. She gets up at 7.30am. She never gets up this early. Comes to the living room loudly. Tries to hug me. I was sleeping. I tell her please do not touch me. She says really? How long are you going to do this for? I pull the covers over my face and try to ignore her and stay calm.

[00:12:52] [SPEAKER_00] She pulls them off my face to ask me a question. She proceeds to turn on all of the lights. Even though it is already bright. She blends something for no exaggeration 20 minutes straight. She stomps around, slam doors, loudly rummages through items. I stay under the covers and just contain my energy. Before she leaves she again tries to hug me. After I told her multiple times to please not touch me. She forces a kiss on my head and says I love you. And asks how long we are going to do this.

[00:13:22] [SPEAKER_00] Finally she leaves for the day. When I get up I see she turned the heater in the living room up to 86 degrees from 70 degrees. To make me hot and uncomfortable. We have pets. I just want to update because I needed to hear how messed up, manipulative and abusive it is. I just want to witness myself by writing this down. And be witnessed by others. I can't wait to get myself out of here. Absolutely abusive behavior and somewhere you need to get yourself out of there.

[00:13:52] [SPEAKER_00] And your pets quickly. It's escalated super fast in this situation. And she's gone for the sleep deprivation. Which we've seen time and time again within these stories. She's forcing physical contact after you. After you told her no multiple times. She's not trying to win you back in this situation. She's punishing you for daring to even leave. But Rocket MN69 says don't tell her that you're leaving.

[00:14:22] [SPEAKER_00] Wait until she's at work. Then move all your stuff out. Even if you have to rent a storage unit until you find permanent accommodations. Tell her I'm going on a holiday for a week. I'll be leaving Thursday or Friday. That way she won't suspect anything and go to work. She'll plan her date nights when she gets home. She might not even notice you're moved out. And I really hope that OP does stay safe in this situation. And makes the choice to leave safely out of it.

[00:14:50] [SPEAKER_00] But what do you guys make of this situation? What do you think is happening here? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Now our next story comes from WabbySabby19 who says from the Am I the Arsehole here subreddit. And it says, Am I the Arsehole for cutting off my childhood best friend after he exposed my partner's private past to my family? I, 22 male, have a childhood best friend. 22 male.

[00:15:19] [SPEAKER_00] Who I can't trust anymore. He's repeatedly shared my private business with others. And whenever I confront him, he denies it. Even when he's the only one who knows. I've been dating my partner, 28, for just over two years. I live away from my hometown. And I hadn't told my family about the relationship yet. Unrelated reasons. Only my best friend and a few friends where I live knew.

[00:15:44] [SPEAKER_00] I confided in my best friend about an incident involving my partner because I needed someone to talk to. The situation had been handled and wasn't something my partner or I wanted shared. Without context, it could sound much worse than it actually is. I later found out my best friend told my eldest sibling about it without my permission. This led my sibling to attack my mom about me being in a relationship with someone like that. My mom didn't know about my partner.

[00:16:13] [SPEAKER_00] This was my breaking point. I decided to cut him off because I no longer trust him. In my eyes, he crossed a huge line by sharing my partner's private information. It also made me angry at myself for trusting him with something so sensitive. My mom thinks he didn't act with bad intentions and was just concerned. I disagree. If that were the case, he could have come to me first. I've always been open-minded and understanding.

[00:16:40] [SPEAKER_00] He knew the full situation, including that it was over and handled. And still told my sibling. Am I the arsehole for just cutting him off and not giving him the chance to explain himself? The first commenter said on this one, Not the arsehole. Friends who cannot be trusted aren't your friends. Next commenter says, Why do you keep telling a known info risk info you don't want out? This seems like you didn't like him and wanted a reason to stop talking to him. Everyone sucks here.

[00:17:10] [SPEAKER_00] New Lifeguard says, I feel like this is hard to judge without knowing what the situation was. I mean, if it was some crime from his past that he went to jail over, but has moved on and become a better person, then I would say not the arsehole. But if it was a, your boyfriend hit you kind of situation, I could kind of understand him going to your family out of concern. Opie replied saying, My partner had previously gone on a couple of casual dates with a co-worker, but wasn't interested in ended things.

[00:17:39] [SPEAKER_00] The co-worker reported something to HR out of jealousy, which we later found out. I was confused and upset and went to my best friend for support. Eventually, the co-worker admitted they made it all up and was let go. My best friend knew all of this. Another commenter says, You're the arsehole for telling your partner's business to someone, to someone you know couldn't be trusted. He's the arsehole for repeatedly breaking your trust by telling others your business.

[00:18:05] [SPEAKER_00] How many times does someone have to do the same thing to you before you learn? Keyboard quotes the part saying, He's repeatedly shared my private business with others and then says, Everyone sucks here. Him for obvious reasons, but you for not cutting him off after the first, second, third or eighth time you've betrayed your trust. When people show you who they are, for me once, shame on you. A leopard doesn't change his spots. And one more commenter who says, Everyone sucks here.

[00:18:33] [SPEAKER_00] You need to take accountability for telling this person in the first place. You knew that he repeatedly shares business he shouldn't be, so this is mostly on you for confiding in someone you know is unreliable. Of course, that person sucks and is not a friend, but ultimately, you are the reason your partner's information got put on blast. Next time you need to vent about sensitive information, do it to someone who's legally bound to keep what you say confidential. Example, a therapist.

[00:19:02] [SPEAKER_00] So, OP did come in to update the post and says, I would like to start off by saying, One, my partner has read over both this post and my first post and gave me the okay to post them. And two, I'm sorry for leaving information out initially, but I'm going to try and give you all the information as well as try to maintain as much privacy as I can. Just in case none of this makes sense, my original post is on am I the arsehole here. So, here's the stuff I should have included and some additional information and context.

[00:19:30] [SPEAKER_00] I should have mentioned this in my initial post, but was just trying to get straight to the point. So, my best friend, 22 male, teen best friend since age of three, would repeatedly tell people my personal information for years and every time I'd confront him, he'd deny it. But when we were in our teens, it had stopped and there hadn't been any issues for probably a good five to six years, maybe a bit longer. So, he had gained back my trust. I was careful about what I told him. I stupidly told him about this incident with my partner

[00:19:59] [SPEAKER_00] which I know is my fault for telling him in the first place, but I thought I could trust him. In response to the comment asking about my partner, he is an extremely kind, humble and loving person. He would never hurt me or anyone for that matter. I replied to someone's comment briefly about the situation, but here's some more info. Approved by my partner. So, my partner went on a couple of dates with a co-worker, who we'll call Blue, previous to us being together.

[00:20:28] [SPEAKER_00] My partner wasn't interested in being anything more than friends and co-workers with Blue, so he ended it. Then we met, started dating and fast forward 10 months into us being together. He was getting a promotion at his company. His co-workers, including Blue, wanted to take him out for drinks to celebrate his upcoming promotion. My partner brought me with him to celebrate too. I wasn't the only significant other there either. Some of his co-workers brought their partners and spouses.

[00:20:55] [SPEAKER_00] My partner introduced me to a couple of his co-workers I hadn't met before, including Blue. Throughout the night, Blue was staring me down, giving me dirty looks, not including me in conversations, just overall being rude and standoffish towards me. But I didn't pay much attention to it, and continued to enjoy the night with my partner. And three days later, my partner gets called into HR, and is told he is on leave pending an investigation into some claims about being inappropriate towards a co-worker.

[00:21:24] [SPEAKER_00] Made by Blue. So there goes his promotion, and all his hard work to get that promotion. This, where me telling my best friend comes into all of this, is so probably a week after my partner is put on leave. I went to my best friend because my partner was hurting, and I didn't want to talk to anyone, and I was worried and didn't know how I could help him. It was just so hard to see him like that, especially when him and I both knew these were false claims Blue was making anyway, after a month and a bit,

[00:21:53] [SPEAKER_00] of Blue sticking to their story, about inappropriate behavior towards them, and there being obvious holes in their story. Blue came clean, and admitted they had made it all up, pretty much stating they just wanted to be with my partner, and didn't want him to be with someone else. I don't know, I think because I'm a man, and Blue was let go a few days later. Also to note, my partner knew I had told my best friend, because I told him pretty much right after I talked to my best friend about it.

[00:22:23] [SPEAKER_00] And the next time we saw my best friend, about two weeks after it was resolved, he told my partner that he was so happy to hear everything was resolved. Again, I definitely should have gone into detail in my first post, but I just wanted to get straight to the point. Thank you all for the comments though, I appreciate your perspective. The top commenter on that update said, still not the arsehole. I gotta know though, did your partner get anything back at work, that they lost because of Blue?

[00:22:51] [SPEAKER_00] Since Blue admitted to lying and was let go. OB said, my partner ended up getting his promotion. I left about three months later to work for a bigger company, and he was given a higher position at this new company. So it all worked out for my partner. But now, I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? How would you deal with it if it was you? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now,

[00:23:19] [SPEAKER_00] just a huge thank you for being here today, getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much for being involved. And hopefully, I'm going to see you in the next one. Take care. And much love. Take care.