12 Year Old Sister Racked Up $700 Dollars On My Credit Card - Should I Report Her To The Police?

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories and if you do love a Reddit story why not consider? Hit that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too and let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from 12Eclepto who says,

[00:00:23] [SPEAKER_00] My 20-year-old Sister 12-year-old Stole My Credit Card and Racked Up $700 Of Charges What The Fuck She has an issue of keeping up with the Joneses. Her friends have lots of cool stuff and she idolizes those beauty bloggers and YouTubers and wants the things they have. My parents are extremely wealthy but strict. They would reward us with things when we did well in school.

[00:00:50] [SPEAKER_00] She pulled C's this year and asked for an iPhone and was obviously refused. Early this year in September slash October, I noticed a lot of my makeup and shoes were going missing. I have the same size feet and the makeup items were popular, cult classics. I put up a camera when I went to work one evening and came back to check. Lo and behold, she was taking stuff from my drawers and sitting down at my vanity to use it. Whatever, she's 12. She wants to use makeup.

[00:01:20] [SPEAKER_00] I de-stashed some items I never used and gave her a fair amount. For her birthday, my other sister and I, other sis does not live with us, chipped in for a Sephora gift card. We thought maybe then she'd stop taking my stuff. It did stop, it looks like, because nothing has gone missing and I recorded for about a month and only saw her in my room when she went to fetch the dog. So, nothing suspicious.

[00:01:44] [SPEAKER_00] However, lately she's been getting packages from Amazon. She's been buying Sims games and she's been using a Netflix account. She stated she's been winning all these things and despite questioning her, she refused to really admit where she got all this stuff from. So, I dropped it. About two weeks ago, everything on our desktop computer went missing. Looking into the system recovery files, it said that there was a system file reset.

[00:02:08] [SPEAKER_00] Something along those lines, at 11.30am on a Thursday. Mom and I discovered the computer was wiped that evening. I saw my sister on the computer when I left for work. We know she did something, but again, she refused to answer. Then, today, I got my MasterCard bill. It was absurdly high. I paid $78 for a yoga pass and then $10 for something from eBay. At first, I thought my card info had been stolen, but the purchases all match up with the stuff she has.

[00:02:37] [SPEAKER_00] Origin Canada, Netflix, Amazon, Amazon, Amazon, one eBay purchase. All online purchases, $700 worth. I have no idea what the fuck to do. My parents are, again, super strict. Obviously, I have to tell them, but they're going to lose it on her. But I'm beginning to think she has a serious fucking problem. I have the money to pay down this card, but I don't want to. I want to recoup the losses. But how can I get a refund on something like Netflix? I can't.

[00:03:07] [SPEAKER_00] I've already called to cancel the card. I don't know what steps to take next. The first commenter said to OP, you need to tell your parents. If they lose it on her, it's because she needs to learn now that money doesn't grow on fucking trees. That she's essentially an entitled thief. You're not going to get through to her. OP says, fuck, you're right. I don't want her to become one of those brats I suffered through in retail. They knew what happened with her first time and my dad just babies her.

[00:03:34] [SPEAKER_00] They're old now, in their 60s. I just don't want to deal with it, so my other sister and I have become pseudo-parents. But I guess I finally need to let her be their problem. OP came in with another post elsewhere saying Canada, 12-year-old sister stole my credit card info and used $700. Will reporting it as fraudulent cause a criminal investigation? And says, it's Mastercard, Scotiabank. I want to report it as fraudulent, but I do not want to pay those charges. However, I don't want her to be charged for something.

[00:04:04] [SPEAKER_00] While a visit from a lawyer or police officer might scare her good, I don't want it to actually pan out. It would cause family drama that I'm not interested in, stolen info or not. If I wanted someone to come talk to her, do you think that could happen without it becoming a legal issue? Or will I have to eat the charges? Komala says, you can't eat your cake and have it too. If you want your sister to face consequences outside of your family circle, don't tell anybody. You can't expect both to shield your sister and get your money back.

[00:04:34] [SPEAKER_00] Choose which is more important. Komala says, I've read your post on relationships. And I think even if you did report it to the bank, the chances of you getting your money back is not very high. For starters, all items that were purchased, Netflix, Amazon, etc. are things that you could have bought. All the items that were shipped also went straight to where you lived too. It would appear to the bank that you bought those items and just want to pin it on someone else to avoid paying. It would not be a fun investigation. So Opie comes in with a first update and says, hi everyone.

[00:05:04] [SPEAKER_00] Thanks for your advice and help. I just want to add in some points that came up in comments. I did get mad at her when she stole from me the last time. I thought that being proactive by helping her get what she wants in a proper way would help. But we did have a nasty fight about it. I didn't just shrug it off. I now realize I totally fucked up. My parents were strict when I was younger. So to me strict is just the word for them. But for her, they're completely checked out. I'm basically her parent. My older sister, not as much.

[00:05:34] [SPEAKER_00] But she is still involved a fair amount more than my actual parents are. I do want to lock my door. But it's where the dog hangs out. And he needs to leave to pee sometimes. So I'm hesitant. I did however decide to order a nanny cam for my bedroom. I'm still considering the lock. Last night I came home from work and my parents had gone to bed. As well as my sister. So I decided to leave it until the morning. But I heard giggling coming from my sister's room. So I approached her and I decided to ask her about it before I talked to my parents.

[00:06:04] [SPEAKER_00] Well, she full on denied it. I printed my credit card statement and I showed it to her. And she just said it wasn't her and she didn't do it. I'm the person with the mail key. We have a community mailbox. So I was taking in her Amazon packages. They were from the marketplace. And a few of them had prices on them so they could go through customs. And those prices match what was on my statement. My dad has a key too. So he probably took in the ones I didn't see. Which is why I didn't realize it was such a big problem.

[00:06:32] [SPEAKER_00] I also pointed out the Netflix charge. She said that she was using my other sister's Netflix. Other sister lives in an area about two hours behind our time. So I text her right then. And she said she doesn't even have Netflix anymore. As it interfered too much with her doctor at work. My younger sister lied and said she was still using it. I told her I'm giving her one chance to admit it. Otherwise I'll be talking to the parents. And I'll also be calling the cops. Still, she refused to admit.

[00:07:00] [SPEAKER_00] I even started to doubt myself. Maybe she didn't actually do it. I was going over all the charges and realized she'd have to have an Amazon account. I was the one who set up her email address so many years ago. If she forgot her password, my email was the recovery. I reset her password through my email. Not only did she charge $700 in the last billing cycle. But yesterday she bought two more things off Amazon. An iTunes receipt.

[00:07:26] [SPEAKER_00] Got a receipt from a site called The Sims Resource and a Club Penguin membership. There were still all the old order receipts. I reset her Amazon password and I canceled the order she placed. I emailed Club Penguin and Netflix and told them she was a minor and was not authorized to purchase the membership. Club Penguin was awesome and they reversed the charges for me. I guess they deal with this a lot. Netflix hasn't responded yet. This morning I talked to my parents and they offered to pay it for me. And I told them that is not the point.

[00:07:56] [SPEAKER_00] I want her to learn what she did. They just dismissed it. So I told them if they don't do something then I will not be doing their job for them anymore. I will all disengage totally from my sister's life. I told them that by choosing to ignore this my grad school applications are immediately moving out of province. This did upset them because my older sister had gone the same route due to their crazy behavior. So they decided to talk to her. I don't know what they said as I had to go walk my dog. But it looks like there's been zero consequences.

[00:08:26] [SPEAKER_00] Because she looks fine and is still holed up in her room. My dad just transferred that amount to my bank account. So I'm assuming they just still don't give a shit. I haven't yet paid the card. It is due August 27th. So I have time. I talked to my boyfriend and he has some friends on the police force. As well as some paramedic friends who know the cops who do the dare circuits. So he's going to try and contact one of them. My older sister actually has a planned visit for next Tuesday. So we're going to try and coordinate the potential police visit with that.

[00:08:56] [SPEAKER_00] My older sister was shocked to hear what had happened. And I told her that I might do my MSC at a province. She said she and her husband have room for me at their place. I could even bring my dog if I want to. So maybe that is something to consider. TLDR. No one cares about what happened. I think my sister might need to see a psychologist. Update. My boyfriend reached a cop he knows. Who actually referred him to another person. They'll be coming over Tuesday afternoon after my sister and brother-in-law arrive. After the cops talk to my sister.

[00:09:26] [SPEAKER_00] My boyfriend is going to take her to the army offices. Which are stationed near the police headquarters. She's going to get a tour of both. We decided to do that past second. Because she might be more cooperative after the cop shows up. My sister and I are going to talk to our parents about finding her a volunteer placement. My older sister suggested that she might need some perspective. AKA not owning that game is not the end of the world. And some hard hitting scenarios might be the best way to get that through.

[00:09:53] [SPEAKER_00] I called one of my cousins who my younger sister really admires. And she's going to come talk to my younger sister too when the cops come. Intervention style I suppose. The cop and I talked on the phone just a few minutes ago. And he said that this is not the first time he's done this. He has a lot of stuff he can say. So I trust he will do that on his own. He told me that he often refers these kids to a counselor. And that if my sister seems willing he can refer us too. Everyone is being really helpful. I've decided to not press charges yet.

[00:10:23] [SPEAKER_00] A lot of you are coming down hard on my sister and she deserves it. I might show her these threads. However, she is still my sister. She is 12. My older sister and I basically raised her. We do not want to turn her into someone with a criminal record. Even though yes, she deserves it. Right now we have a chance to rehabilitate her. Versus deciding she's not worth it and dumping her. If I leave and she has no chance in hell with my parents. I still will be partly responsible if she goes the wrong way and I didn't try anything.

[00:10:52] [SPEAKER_00] It might be our house, not just her. We have extremely fucked up parents. As you guys have noted, I cannot change their ways. But if I can get her out of here, I will do so. But I can only do that if she agrees to change things. If she doesn't, then the best idea is for me to leave. Because I want to have a life too. Ugh, this one is absolutely awful. And I feel sorry for OP. And you know, I might get hate for it. But I feel sorry for the sister at the same time as well. Because the parents have completely checked out.

[00:11:22] [SPEAKER_00] And it's fucking up everyone. A 20 year old is essentially parenting a 12 year old. Because their actual parents are completely checked out. And when this kid has basically gone off the rails. Who has to deal with it? Not the parents. Because they just seem to transfer money and be done with it. It's OP. And clearly the biggest issue here. And the cause of all this. Is the parents checking out. And there was a lot of people in the comments talking about the parents in this situation. But OP did come in with another update. And says,

[00:11:52] [SPEAKER_00] Hi everyone. Thanks for your patience and all the PMs asking if things are okay. I work evening and overnight shifts. So I was basically knocked out until now. Just to clarify a few more points. I technically could be financially independent from my parents. As I've been working since I was 14. And never did anything crazy fun. So I have a lot of money saved. I also make $30 an hour now. However, after all. I had to go through with my parents and my academics. I felt like I deserved to get my tuition out of them.

[00:12:21] [SPEAKER_00] I got a dog because I topped all of my provincial and IB exams. They love the dog and they treat him nicely. So please don't worry. The dog is under my name and I pay for all of his stuff. They just gave me permission to get him. I don't want the cops to talk to my parents. Because my dad is a conspiracy theorist. He once refused to buy milk for a whole year. Because he said farmers are drugging the milk they give to the stores. To actually weaken our bones. And make us dependent on their calcium fortified more expensive milk.

[00:12:51] [SPEAKER_00] Yeah. And I'm not going to save the world. Lol. I'm actually going into physiotherapy. I ignored my sister and family for the most of the weekend. And just went to work. And my boyfriends for the majority of the time. Yesterday I got up around 8 to pick up my sister and brother-in-law. In the car we discussed the situation. My brother-in-law is actually a neuropsychologist. He doesn't remember much from his child development. Or so he says. But he offered up some points that are similar to what you guys said.

[00:13:21] [SPEAKER_00] The consensus seemed to be that we needed to leave our parents. But only if little sister cooperated today. This was the major sticking point. My older sister said that when little sister turns 14. We can work on applying for guardianship. And moving herself and myself to my older sister's province. Because of my parents age and history of abuse. My sister thinks we might have a case. She had already consulted a lawyer. I had a pretty sad talk about how all my older sister wanted was to get both of us out of there.

[00:13:51] [SPEAKER_00] She would have done it a lot sooner if she had known the extent of the problems. I haven't really told her about my younger sister's attitude issues. And my parents attachment. Because my older sister is working and going to grad school. And I didn't want to burden her. She said the hardest thing she's ever done is leave me and younger sister in this house. I told her that she was 21 when she left. And we didn't expect her to save us. She also had not met brother-in-law yet. And wasn't making much money. So it would have been way too hard for her. When we got to the house.

[00:14:21] [SPEAKER_00] My brother-in-law and sister briefly said hi to little sis. And then went and played with my dog for a bit. My cousin called the home phone. And we let little sister pick up. She said she was going to come over with her dog. So we could have a play date. This worked well because it got my sister out of her room. My cousin lives about 15 minutes away. So she was there within half an hour. We put the dogs outside and watched them play until we heard the doorbell ring. I sent little sister to open it. When she saw the cop, she started crying immediately.

[00:14:50] [SPEAKER_00] The policeman was super nice. He sat down with everyone in the room and told her instantly. That he wasn't there to get her in trouble. But he wanted to talk to her. He even had a poster board. He set it up and started talking about a few girls he had known who'd gotten into this type of lifestyle. The stories were kind of sad. And a lot of them were similar to the ones you guys talked about in the comments. There was one story about a girl who'd been busted in a drug deal just a few years ago. He also talked about a girl in Medicine Hat.

[00:15:19] [SPEAKER_00] It's a town in Canada, I believe, who killed her family. And a few girls they rescued from prostitution rings. My cousin told my sister about how hard it was to watch me and my older sister grow up. But we did the best we could so we could make her life for her. She told my little sister that she isn't a bad person. Even though she might feel this way because of how mad I was with her. But the lying has got to stop. Kids who lie grew up into adults who lie. And adults who lie don't get to live nice lives.

[00:15:47] [SPEAKER_00] I talked to her about how all those videos she watches and celebrities she worships. They work really hard for that stuff. Sure, they might get some of that stuff for free. But success has a price. I told her that she's only 12 and has had so much time to be successful. But people who steal and lie don't get to go that way. I even pointed out her favorite singer, Ariana Grande. Just recently had to apologize for something she's done. And how everyone has forgotten and it's not as big as a deal.

[00:16:15] [SPEAKER_00] My older sister and brother-in-law made her a deal. They said if she gets a 3.5 in her first year of high school. It should be easy as it's not an academic school. Then she can come with me after I graduate my BA and live back with them. My older sister even showed her printouts of the house they want to buy. So that we can live there. They have three dogs and a lot more freedom than we do at this house. The cop explained that not everyone gets a chance to fix things. He pointed to his poster board. Which in retrospect is pretty funny.

[00:16:45] [SPEAKER_00] And asked if she wanted to be like them. My little sister was still crying. She ended up coming over to me and hugging me and apologizing. She didn't make any excuses or say anything except that she was sorry for what she did. And that was good enough for me. My cousin and the policemen left. And gave us the referral. However my brother-in-law has a few colleagues who could do better in his opinion. And he's going to talk to them instead. But at least we have options for someone she can talk to without feeling judged.

[00:17:13] [SPEAKER_00] I texted my boyfriend and told him to take her to the army HQs this weekend. As I didn't want her to get way too overwhelmed today. Last night we put together a plan before I went to work. She's going to walk and feed my dog every second day until the end of October. Or at least until it snows. This is how she would pay me back. She would also learn to do her own laundry starting this weekend. We are going to get her a bus pass and I'm going to teach her how to get to her school on transit. I did this at her age and it's time she learned.

[00:17:43] [SPEAKER_00] She's going to start studying with me. In the school year. I go to the library and she will come with me. The university shouldn't care as I see it all the time. If her grades go up by her first report card. I'll talk to my parents about getting her something nice. But any misbehavior. And this means anything. The deal is off. She's handing over all of her passwords and passcodes to me. I get to check her stuff whenever I want. If she improves then over the winter break we're going to visit my sister. Where she lives and have a sister trip.

[00:18:12] [SPEAKER_00] My sister offer to pay the tickets but only if my sister's attitude improves. My brother-in-law drew up the attitude improvements. No more lying. Period. If she's upset she has to talk to me first and foremost before lashing out. She does what she's told. No exceptions. She shows me all of her homework to be done at the beginning of the week and lets me check up on it. And she starts journaling. I went through her computer and found lots of story files so I got her a little journal. Five dollars from Walmart.

[00:18:41] [SPEAKER_00] I think it'll help her sort her feelings out before she lies and cries and acts like a brat. Brother-in-law is calling his friends later today. Maybe this is all overly optimistic. But this is our chance. If it fails, it fails. But this is my baby sister. I can't just let her go. So thanks Reddit for all your help and concern. If in four months it goes badly I will let you know. If you don't hear from us we're living it up with my sister's three dogs.

[00:19:08] [SPEAKER_00] And this one was some time ago. And there was never an update on it. So hopefully that means that they are living it up with the sister's dogs. And it's one of those situations that for OP is incredibly sad that she's having to be the caregiver in this situation at her age. But I'm incredibly glad that the sister does have her at the same time.

[00:19:33] [SPEAKER_00] Because without these sisters that young child has nothing. Has no one. Has parents who's checked out. And they're the real assholes in this story. But I really hope that it did work out hugely for OP at the same time. That they did go on to live the life that they wanted at the same time. But what do you guys make of this one? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story.

[00:20:01] [SPEAKER_00] Our next story comes from the relationships subreddit. And it says I 26 female feel guilty about asking my boyfriend 34 male to move for my career. I'm a senior PhD student in an engineering field at a top university. And I've been very successful at my work. My bosses have been extremely happy with my productivity. And think I have a future in this field. They expect that over the next few years or so. I will climb the academic ladder. Eventually become a PI myself.

[00:20:31] [SPEAKER_00] Honestly, I would love this. This has been a goal of mine for a while. And I love my job. As I am close, one, one and a half years away from graduating. I've also been thinking about where I would go for my postdoctoral fellowship to further my training. Because my boyfriend has a pretty nice government job that he likes in the area. My initial plan was to stay in the same lab as my PhD. Recently, however, I had a chat with my bosses. And they think that going to a different lab, maybe even a different subfield,

[00:20:59] [SPEAKER_00] might be more beneficial for me long term. So I can diversify my skills and experiences. They did say, however, they're willing to let me stay on as a postdoc for a year or so while I look for opportunities somewhere else. While there are many good institutions nearby with some great PIs, if I can't find a good lab in the area, I might have to move somewhere else. Frankly, this thought scares me. This would mean that my boyfriend might have to leave his nice, well-paying government job for two to three years

[00:21:27] [SPEAKER_00] and probably take a pay cut to live somewhere else. On top of all this, we hope to get married and start a family in a year or two. Postdocs don't make a lot of money, up to 45k a year, and I'm worried that money might be tight. I'd say at a very minimum, we'd be making 105k collectively. My boyfriend doesn't seem as worried about it and is confident that he can find a job elsewhere. He says he always knew that he would move at some point for my career and is happy to move for me.

[00:21:56] [SPEAKER_00] Plus, he says that he's at the point of his career where he can move more easily and he doesn't want me giving up a good opportunity for him. He's had to move a lot in his career in the past and thinks we can make it work. Regardless, I can't help but feel guilty at the fact that I'll be uprooting us for a job that may be great for my future career growth but doesn't pay all that well. Money might be tight for a bit depending on where we live. Part of me is also afraid that I might fail to make it in academia

[00:22:24] [SPEAKER_00] and will have uprooted us to move all for nothing. Are my worries warranted? If I can't find any good opportunities in the area and a great one pops up elsewhere, should I take it? Now, I'd be with your boyfriend on this one. He sounds like he is supportive and has thought about it and wants what's best for you. So absolutely grab that with both hands. Absolutely. Commodore says your boyfriend has a mature, logical and rational outlook on this. I trust his judgment. Also, 105k a year isn't exactly the poverty line.

[00:22:53] [SPEAKER_00] You'll both be fine. Don't get in the habit of self-sabotaging, professionally or personally. Commander 2 says, Take yes for an answer. OP edits the original pose and says, Thanks for all the responses. I really appreciate all the support and I'm feeling much better about this whole situation. Also gives us a lot to think about too as well. So, it was a year later that OP came back in with a new update. And it says, Several months after I made this post,

[00:23:22] [SPEAKER_00] I made the final decision to apply to postdoc positions all across the US. I received many great offers and decided to move several states away to work with a well-known PI in my field, whom my advisors greatly respect. After enduring a couple of months of long distance and uncertainty, we learned today that my now fiancé got his dream job in the city I moved to. Not only does he get to remain a government employee, but his salary is also significantly higher than what he was making before.

[00:23:50] [SPEAKER_00] Thank you so much for all your encouragement and replies. It gave me the push I really needed to take that dive to move across country for a new job. In the end, it really paid off and we finally move on with the rest of our lives together. The commenter said,

[00:24:25] [SPEAKER_00] Another commenter says,

[00:25:07] [SPEAKER_00] So, OP gave some additional information when they commented on a post, a different post mind you, that said, I35 female don't want to start over for my husband's potential job. And this was OP's comment on it. And as I said, it gives a little bit of additional information. OP said, I'm assuming he's applying for postdocs. Has he made it clear since the beginning that he'd be gunning for an academic job? If so, why did you have a child with him knowing full well that he'd likely want to move again for his career? On the practical side,

[00:25:37] [SPEAKER_00] how has his CV? Is he applying for positions in major cities, where most universities are? How likely is he to get an assistant professor position in the future? The only reason I pursued an academic position is because my CV was viewed as impressive and consequently, it was expected that I would remain successful in academia. After three years, I received a promotion for twice my salary and I'll be applying for tenor track positions in the next year or so. All of this was made possible by my husband,

[00:26:06] [SPEAKER_00] who made more than twice my salary and can work fully remote. We have a two-year-old together and I would not have pursued this path had I not had assurances that I'd be successful and financial support from my husband to make sure my family is taken care of. I understand your frustration. It's hard being an academic spouse. I think it would be good to approach this pragmatically and ask questions like, what happens if you need yet another postdoc after this one? Are we just going to be financially

[00:26:35] [SPEAKER_00] and locationally unstable forever? And honestly, example, are you actually going to cut out to be academic? It's a hard conversation, but it's so incredibly important, especially now you have a child involved. OP comes in and comments on the best of Redditor update posts about this whole situation and said, hey, that's me. My husband still has his awesome job and I'm now a tenure track assistant professor at the same university. Our daughter is now five.

[00:27:05] [SPEAKER_00] We had quite an amazing journey through life together. I'm excited for what the future holds in store for us. And that is just a lovely story to end on that communication and everything just sounds absolutely wonderful. And it's always a nice change of pace to just hear how successful and lovely things have been for a couple, especially some of the stories that we read, right? But what do you guys make of this situation?

[00:27:32] [SPEAKER_00] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Maybe you are completely different opinion on the whole thing. Let us know your thoughts and just a huge thank you for being here today, getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much. And hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.