Husband Discovered Something I Did YEARS Before We Met And He's Mad r/Relationships

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider a like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from Throwaway Favour from the Relationship Advice subreddit. And it says,

[00:00:24] My 40 female, husband 41 male, together for 6 years, snooped on my phone and found out about something I did years ago before we met. Does he have a right to be mad? I'll get straight into it. For some reason recently, he started to think I'm messaging and meeting other men. I'm not. I've never messaged anyone since the day of our first date and I've certainly not met anyone. I don't know where this has come from.

[00:00:52] We have each other's passcodes for our phone, but I've never once felt the need to look at his and I don't mind him using mine, but reading my messages, I do mind, as I don't think it's fair on the people I'm talking to. On to what happened. I went to the shops the other day and I left my phone at home. When I got back, my husband got in my face and called me a slag and a tramp and all sorts of other nasty names. He went through my Facebook messages and found the message from 16 years ago.

[00:01:21] At the time, I was so poor, having just lost my job and having bills to pay. I applied for hundreds of jobs and needed my car to get interviews. It broke down. Not terribly, but it needed a new alternator. I messaged a couple of friends who were mechanics and both wanted over £100, which was a good quote, but I just couldn't afford it. I offered one of them I'd send him a couple of nudes for now and pay him when I got a job. He agreed and within a day I was back on the road.

[00:01:51] Once I had a job, I offered to pay him and everything was fine. The mechanic is sadly dead now, so my husband has nothing to be wary of. After he had finished ranting and raving at me, I told him I'll never forgive him for looking through my phone and invading my privacy. I asked if he'd found anything else and he said no. I said, see? How many times do I have to tell you? In fact, I'm done telling you. I picked a few things and left for my sisters where I still am now.

[00:02:20] Is what I did 10 years before I met him really that bad? I'm starting to think he's projecting with all these accusations constantly and now I'm starting to doubt him. Once trust has been broken like this, can it be repaired? So the guy is angry at you for something you did 16 years ago, 10 years before you met him or got together and he's angry about that.

[00:02:44] And the fact that he got in your face, called you a slag and a tramp and you said all other sorts of nasty names as well. You know, can you actually come back from that? If someone got in my face and called me those names, I wouldn't be with them again. But a commenter says, I'd be more upset with the name calling than the snooping, but I'd also be questioning his sanity for flipping out about something from 16 years ago when you didn't even know him. Fucking batshit.

[00:03:13] He's probably cheating on you, dude. Opie says, I was upset about it all to be honest. I've said a few times he is projecting. Flynn JM says, I think the real question is why are you so sure you're cheating when you have done absolutely nothing wrong? This screams projection and he is probably doing something behind your back. Opie says, that's what I think too. Fun scene says you might be dodging a bullet.

[00:03:36] He was so convinced you were cheating, he needed to find something, anything to prove to him that your morals were less than stellar. You did not do anything wrong and a good partner would have laughed at Al for exactly what it was. A person who was desperately trying to land employment and really needed a car. So you used your head and figured out a way. I think you showed that you can think outside the box, which is a trait employers look for. Your husband needs help.

[00:04:04] If trust is gone from a relationship, then the relationship is doomed. He doesn't trust you, most likely due to his own low self-esteem. He probably can't figure out why someone as awesome as you married him. He's lacking confidence for some reason. You, on the other hand, are going to struggle to rebuild trust in him due to what he's done to you. Coupled with calling you those disgusting names, which is mental abuse by the way. You didn't deserve any of that. If you're going to make it through this, trust has to be rebuilt.

[00:04:33] Think carefully about what your next steps need to be. If I were you, I certainly wouldn't rush to forgive him. I would demand he go to counseling for a while before reconciling can even be considered. Good luck. So around a month later, OP comes in with a update and said, Backstory, for months my husband has been suspicious for months that I'm cheating, even though I've never messaged another man since before our first date. He snooped on my phone and found a message from 16 years ago. So 10 years before we got together.

[00:05:03] When I was short of money, so sent a mechanic some nudes in lieu of payment for supplying and fitting an alternator. He called me all sorts of names and I got mad back and said I'd never trust him and I think he's projecting. On to the update and like many of you suggested, he was projecting and he's the one who's cheating. I left for my sisters for a few days when I wrote that post, driving past a premier inn near our house and saw his car outside. Waited by it for three hours where he eventually emerged with another woman.

[00:05:33] He said it was the first time and he thought we'd split up. She said to him, what are you talking about and who is this? Referring to me. He literally ran off like a coward. I spoke to this woman who turned out to be lovely and she said they'd been seeing each other for over a year. But he told her he was living with his religious parents after leaving his wife. So that's why they can never go back to his and got hotels.

[00:05:58] She was such a lovely young woman and I ended up having to console her and took her home myself. As for us, I'm back home and he is now back at his parents who were very disappointed in him when they heard the news and have been lovely to me. I started divorce proceedings but that'd be about a year away I'd imagine. Our villa says to the OP the irony of him telling her he was living with his parents and getting divorce. Self-fulfilling prophecy that.

[00:06:27] OP says yeah, I love it lol. Hot Mess Express says incredible that he told her he was staying with his parents and now he is. OP says yes, it's like you willed it into happening lol. Successful Designer says he manifested and it happened lol. I was married to a serial cheater and it may suck a bit but now you're on your way to bigger and better things.

[00:06:53] Bullet dodged indeed but that visual image of him outside a premier in with this woman walking out. Probably all happy at the same time and then spotting his wife. Then eventually just running away is absolutely wild. But now I'm gonna turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Let's move on to another story. Now our next story is titled,

[00:07:21] Wife Cut Up My Late Father's Paintings. Hey, so here's a situation that happened some time ago. Not exactly an update on it as such but a whole story of what happened in our family. It's taken me a long time to write this all out but I think I'm finally ready to share it. My father passed away last year after a brief but brutal battle with pancreatic cancer. He was one of those quiet, gentle souls who never really expressed his emotions through words

[00:07:50] but rather through his art. He'd taken up painting after retiring from his job as a high school math teacher. And while he never considered himself particularly talented, his amateur paintings captured something special. His deep love for nature and the simple beauty he saw in the world around him. He left behind eight paintings in total. Each one told a story. The lake where we used to fish every summer. The mountain trail he hiked with my brother every spring.

[00:08:19] The old barn near our childhood home that's long since been torn down. The sunset view from my parents' back porch where he taught my sisters to identify different bird calls. They weren't professional quality by any means but each brushstroke held memories of the man who created them. Imperfections and all. I've been planning something special with these paintings. My siblings and I had always admired them and dad knew it. He just never thought they were good enough to display.

[00:08:49] I wanted to prove him wrong. Even if he wasn't here to see it. I spent weeks researching professional framers. Comparing prices and saving up money. These weren't just paintings. They were some of the last tangible pieces of our father we had left. I wanted to have them professionally framed as Christmas gifts for my siblings. Doing everything right because these pieces were irreplaceable. Then came the day that changed everything. It was a Tuesday in March. Unusually warm for that time of year.

[00:09:19] I remember because I've been thinking about taking a half day off work to enjoy the weather. But decided against it. Wish every day that I hadn't. I came home to find my wife had decided to help by framing the paintings herself. Instead of waiting for professional framing. She'd gone to Target during her lunch break and bought standard size frames. And then she just started cutting the paintings to make them fit. She'd already destroyed five of them before I discovered what she was doing.

[00:09:48] One piece had a small cabin in the corner that was just gone. A cabin my dad had painstakingly detailed. Because it reminded him of where he proposed to my mom. She'd even thrown away all the cut pieces saying she had cleaned up afterwards. The strip of canvas holding precious pieces of my father's work was sitting in a landfill somewhere. The moment I saw what she had done I felt like I couldn't breathe. It was like losing my dad all over again.

[00:10:17] But this time pieces of him were being deliberately carved away. I completely lost it. The only other time I'd ever yelled like that was when we got the cancer diagnosis. But my wife? She couldn't understand why I was so upset. She kept insisting she was just trying to help get them displayed instead of sitting in storage. In her mind she had saved us money on custom framing. And I was being ungrateful since she spent her own money on the frames.

[00:10:44] She genuinely couldn't see why cutting off what she deemed unimportant parts of the paintings was such a big deal. They're just empty sky and trees she said. Not understanding those empty sky and trees were painted by hands I could never hold again. For three days I couldn't even look at the mutilated paintings. They sat in those cheap frames on our dining room table. A visual reminder of what had been lost. The worst part was having to tell my siblings. I put it off for almost a week.

[00:11:14] Sick with anxiety and how they would react. Finally my younger sister noticed something was wrong during our weekly phone call. And I broke down and told her everything. My brother Robert took it the hardest. Dad had taught him to paint when he was young. And they used to spend weekends together. Setting up their easels side by side. Sometimes they wouldn't even talk. Just painting comfortable silence. Sharing a thermos of coffee and watching the sunrise. The lake painting where they used to fish together was meant to be his.

[00:11:44] And it was one of those she'd cut up. When he had saw what was left of it. This proud strong man who hadn't cried even at dad's funeral. Broke down completely. The aftermath was intense. I immediately moved the remaining three intact paintings to Robert's house for safe keeping. I started sleeping in the spare room. Not out of anger anymore. But because I needed space to process everything. The sight of our bedroom reminded me too much of the morning my wife had cheerfully told me she had a surprise for me.

[00:12:14] Not realizing she was about to shatter something irreplaceable. Robert refused to speak to my wife and banned her from family gatherings. My sisters were upset too but tried to keep the peace for my sake. Katie suggested family therapy but my wife refused saying everyone was overreacting and ganging up on her. She maintained that she was just trying to help. That she didn't deserve to be treated like she had intentionally done something wrong. The tension was unbearable.

[00:12:42] Her house became eerily quiet. With conversations reduced to necessary logistics about bills and groceries. My wife would sometimes cry at night. I could hear her through the walls. But she still couldn't seem to understand why what she had done was so devastating. It wasn't just about paintings themselves. It was about respect. About understanding what matters to your partner. About asking before making irreversible decisions about someone else's treasured possessions.

[00:13:11] Finally, after a particularly difficult family dinner where my sisters tried to include my wife but could barely look at her. However, we started marriage counseling. It was there that things slowly began to shift. Our counselor helped us understand the concept of intent versus impact. How someone can cause immense pain without meaning to. And how both those feelings can be valid at the same time. Over time I've come to understand that my wife, who has always been practical to her fault, genuinely thought she was solving a problem.

[00:13:41] In her own family, sentimentality was seen as a weakness. And efficiency was prized above all else. In her mind, she was getting cherished artwork out of storage and onto walls where people could enjoy them. She didn't see the sentimental value the way we did. Couldn't understand how each brushstroke held a piece of dad. How even the empty sky and trees were precious because they came from his hand. Eight months later, things have mostly settled into a new normal.

[00:14:09] Most of my family has gradually warmed back up to her. Though there's still tension at gatherings. My sister makes an effort to include her in conversations, even if they sometimes feel forced. But Robert remains the exception. He hasn't spoken to her since that day and probably never will. He still visits me regularly, but always when she's not home. The lake painting meant something to him that my wife will never fully understand. It wasn't just art. It was hours spent with our father.

[00:14:38] Learning not just about painting, but about patience. About seeing beauty and imperfection. About the quiet moments that make up life. Sometimes I still feel a flash of anger when I look at those frames. They sit on our walls now. These truncated versions of my father's vision. Constant reminders of what was lost. But then I remember our counselor's words about intent versus impact. About how understanding doesn't always equal forgiveness, but it can lead to acceptance.

[00:15:07] My wife never meant to cause pain. She just catastrophically misjudged the situation. While our marriage will never be quite the same, we're finding our way forward. I've learned to live with the grief of losing those pieces of dad. Understanding that sometimes there isn't a perfect resolution. All you can do is learn to live with the scars while trying not to let them define you. Both the destroyed paintings and the relationships that were damaged that day will never be fully restored.

[00:15:34] The cutaway pieces of canvas are lost forever. Just like the easy comfort that once existed between my wife and my siblings. But I found a way to accept both my brother's inability to forgive and my wife's genuine regret. It's not a happy ending exactly, but it's our reality now. A mixture of healing and permanent scars. Of forgiveness and lasting consequences. It feels weird but strangely cathartic writing all this out. Maybe someone else out there has gone through something similar.

[00:16:04] Not necessarily with paintings, but with those moments where good intentions collide with deep emotional value. Creating wounds that never quite heal the same way. If nothing else, I hope this story reminds people to ask before making permanent changes to things that don't belong to them. No matter how helpful they think they are being. Edits before anyone says about trying to restore the paintings. Unfortunately, that's not possible. The cut pieces were thrown away immediately and even if we had them,

[00:16:34] the clean cuts through the canvas couldn't be seamlessly repaired. Like many things in life, some damage just can't be undone. Wow, this brought some memories to the forefront for me. I mean, I'm sure the majority of you know if you've been here for a while. If you're new here, I lost my father a couple years back through mesothelioma. But before that, like a year or so before that, we'd lost my mum. And, you know, trying to help my dad through that and finding him new various hobbies.

[00:17:04] You know, he went through loads of hobbies. He built a remote control car. He was painting like little model planes and stuff like that. And one of the things he really enjoyed was paint by numbers. You've probably seen him around on various stores like the Animals. That's really colorful. And my dad had a little setup in his back room, you know, with a light and a magnifying glass. And he really enjoyed doing that. And he'd done several. And, you know, my dad didn't have the most steady of hands. So they weren't perfect by any means.

[00:17:32] But I look back at those paintings now. I still have them myself. And like this story, I was going to frame them myself. Because they just bring me so much joy to look at. Knowing the joy my father got himself from doing those paintings. In a time in life where he was struggling, you know, with losing our mum. And even though it was, you know, paint by numbers, he was really proud of them. Like you go into his house. He says, look, come on, look what I've been doing.

[00:17:58] I'm just trying to think if someone was to cut like a piece of one of those off, I would feel distraught. And it's not just about, you know, cutting the pieces off. It was almost like when she said that you're overreacting and ganging up on her after she done that. Like almost trying to absolve herself of responsibility for what she's done. It was almost just like blasé dismissal. Like, oh, it's just a mistake. Stop overreacting about it.

[00:18:23] And it's thinking about the person's thought process that's upsetting the most to me. Pretty pragmatic. I can move past quite a lot really. But thinking about what they're thinking at the time. You know, you've got this painting in front of you. Someone's father's painting who's passed away. And you start cutting it up. That's a process. And even before you take those scissors or whatever you've taken. Surely something goes through your head like, is this a good idea? Yeah.

[00:18:51] And regardless, I'm sure some people wouldn't be able to move past that others would. I'm glad that they did go to counseling to discuss the feelings. And hopefully, they understand each other a lot better now. I mean, it's too late for the paintings. But I can understand all your family's feelings in this really. And Robert's too. I can understand why he wouldn't want to talk to her. I might have to get some pictures to show you guys of my dad's paintings later. Put them on Twitter or Blue Sky or something. Let me know if you fancy seeing them. Or if I don't post them, just give me a little nudge, yeah?

[00:19:20] But anyway, now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? How would you feel about that? Would you be able to move past it? Would you not? Do you understand everyone's feelings in this? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now, just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's stories. Your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me. So thank you once again. And hopefully, I will see you in the next one.

[00:19:50] Take care and much love.