Wife Wants A Divorce As I Live In An Entirely Different Reality With My First Love r/Relationship

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:18] Now, today's first story comes from Intrepid Reporter 9 and says, My male 31, wife 28, wants a divorce because I live in an entirely different reality with my first love. Female 29, in my dreams. Interesting.

[00:00:33] I, male 31, have been with my wife, female 28, for 3 years. We had a short engagement, married quickly and have a perfectly ordinary existence. I love her, she loves me. We do taxes, housework, watch movies, all the normal things. No physical cheating on either side as far as I know.

[00:00:53] But here's the thing. I am a lucid dreamer. Which means I can, to an extent, control my dreams. Which is something I find cool, as it allows me to go on adventures while asleep. It also makes scary dreams not so bad because I can just wake myself out of them. Over the last year or so, I've been having a reoccurring dream about my ex. My first love, female 29. Truth be told, I never got over her. We were together for 5 years, from 15 and 17 to 20 and 22.

[00:01:23] We broke up after I graduated from college because she didn't want to move from New York to South Carolina with me, which is where the biggest industry for my field is. I was crushed, but moved on and we've spoken sporadically over the years, although we never crossed any lines. I will admit that I've kept up with her own social media a bit, but nothing stalkerish. Well, a year ago, she announced she was getting married and I experienced a resurgence of feelings for her, although I never acted on them or told her.

[00:01:53] That same night, I dreamed about her for the first time in years. In the dream, she showed up at my door and asked me if I wanted to get coffee. I said yes, of course. The dream, which was not a lucid dream, ended there. It felt so real. I couldn't shake the feeling once I woke up. It felt like we were actually reconnecting. Since then, I've dreamed about her several times a week and I've practiced becoming lucid, so I've been able to control the outcome more times than not.

[00:02:21] We lived a whole life together over the past year. Everything from dates to a trip to Paris together, which we visited while in college. We even re-walked the same paths we did in real life. It got to the point I was looking forward to going to sleep to be with her. Fast forward to today. My wife told me she felt distant from me, and I started to feel guilty because I thought what I was doing was harmless. But she's obviously noticed a change in me, so I confessed about all of it.

[00:02:49] At first she thought I was joking, but when she realized I was serious, she accused me of cheating on her and told her mum and sisters who were calling me a cheating weirdo. She even threatened to tell my ex so she'll know what a fucking loser I am. Now, I get it's not anything a woman would want to hear, but it's not like I physically cheated. I don't want to lose my wife, but I don't think she can forgive me for this. Yeah, I would absolutely, if I was your partner, I would be tripped out by that as well.

[00:03:18] You said that you're loose to dreaming, you're purposely trying to live this fantasy life with your ex. Imagine hearing that from your partner, that I'm purposely trying to live a fantasy life with my ex in my dreams. But it all just feels like a symptom in itself of never properly moving on from your past relationship anyway. You said you're not over it. But Soul Angelic says, yeah, no, I think this might be a lost cause. I would certainly consider this cheating, and I think that it does warrant a divorce.

[00:03:46] You clearly don't really love her, at least not as much as you love your ex. Opie says, I do love my wife, which is why I married her. I just also have feelings for my ex, which I should have been honest about before we got married. I didn't mean for this to happen, but once it did, I wasn't able to stop it. Living that life with my ex while sleeping felt like getting to experience what I missed out on in young adulthood. With that said, my wife left overnight for a hotel, and I don't know if she's coming back. I feel awful for hurting her.

[00:04:17] Elzobot says, I'm asking this genuinely, not trying to be snarky at all. What did you think your wife's reaction was going to be? Did you expect what happened, or did you think she'd be more accepting? Opie says, I knew she would be upset, but I felt I owed her an explanation when she communicated that she felt distant. I didn't want to gaslight her perception. I just hadn't known that she even noticed a difference in me. I just didn't think she would leave.

[00:04:43] She's turned off her location, and I have no idea where she is or if she's alright, and her family won't speak to me now. I do love her, and would like for our marriage not to end, but that seems inevitable now as I process this. So, it was a couple of days after this, Opie updated the post and said,

[00:05:29] She doesn't want to have to compete with a phantom and deserved better than a shitbag like me. But, she doesn't want to move out or start the process because it's a pandemic, and she doesn't want to live on one income. We make roughly the same amount of money. Me, $90,000 a year after taxes, and her, $85,000. I tried to apologize to her for all the hurt I caused by making her feel like she wasn't enough.

[00:05:52] To assure her that I do love her, even though I still love my ex, and explain to her that I've never physically cheated or had any inappropriate conversations with my ex. But, she won't budge. She doesn't want me anymore. I can't blame her. I was selfish, and I shouldn't have carried on what I now accept to be a one-sided emotional affair. So, I agreed to stay together for financial purposes, for two years, or until the pandemic is over, whichever comes first. But, she's kicked me out of our bedroom and basically claimed the second floor for herself.

[00:06:22] There's so much tension in the house right now. So, I left as soon as the sun came up and went to a coffee shop to do some work. While there, I received a message on Instagram from my ex that my ex-wife sent her a long message from her own account, telling her about everything that I told her. I froze because I hadn't spoken to her in a long time. But, she saw that I had read the message and followed up an hour later, telling me she needed to know the truth. So, again, I confessed, expecting to be berated and called a loser again, because I had nothing else to lose.

[00:06:52] But, she didn't think that my dreams about her were weird or creepy. She thought it was sweet that I still loved her, especially with her knowing that I'd never tried to have inappropriate conversations or force my way into her life. I'm aware that her not condemning my actions don't make them right or take away from the hurt I caused my wife. But, knowing she didn't think negatively of me made me feel better. We messaged back and forth for a couple of hours, talking about our relationship and how it ended and the choices we made.

[00:07:19] In that, I learned that she and her fiancé called off their engagement a few months ago. I also told her my wife was going to divorce me because of the revelation. She expressed her condolences and that was the end of the conversation. I'm home now and I can't help but wonder if this is the universe's way of putting my ex and I back on the path of reconciliation. Hate me if you want, but I made a mistake and I hurt my wife and my marriage is over, or going to be.

[00:07:45] But, knowing that the person I ruined my marriage over doesn't think that I'm the scum of the earth is worth its weight in gold. I don't know what will happen now, but I can't imagine a friendship with my ex won't blossom from this at the very least. I know this won't make my wife happy since she contacted my ex to further shame me, but I may just not tell her. We are, after all, divorcing. I hope the next few months and years can result in healing for both my wife and myself, and that we'll both live happy, fulfilled lives.

[00:08:14] I got to the end of this and I thought, is that bit a dream as well where she got in contact with him? Seemed all a bit too convenient, but a commenter said, I hope you don't take it out on her when you realise that your old flame isn't the person she was in your dreams, because that was you. You're in love with another version of you. She'll be someone else entirely. Opie says, I'm also a different person, and I wasn't in love with myself. But love for her influenced the dreams. The user replies saying,

[00:08:41] When I say she'll be someone else entirely, I don't mean that your ex will have changed since you last knew her. I mean that your ex in actual real life will be someone other than the person you spent so much time with in your dreams. That person in your dreams was not your ex in any meaningful way. She was an amalgamation of your memories of her, patched together using new material you created out of whole cloth to please yourself. She won't ever be able to live up to the fantasy you constructed, because the fantasy woman was you.

[00:09:10] The things she did and said were things you invented, just like every character an author writes as a version of themselves. You've invested countless hours and serious emotion into a character you created, who is really only loosely based on your ex. Since a real woman can't read your mind like a dream character can, and because a real woman doesn't exist only to make you happy, she will not, in real life, be the same person from your dreams. That may be disappointing to you when you realize it, so try not to take it out on the girl.

[00:09:39] Opie says fair, but I'm not expecting her to be. The dream could never compare to the warmth and love she radiates in real life. Oof. It was a coping mechanism. Real life will be better. Iloveshark says you sound absolutely obsessed with this woman, and to be honest is quite disturbing. I imagine much of who she is has changed over the years. What if she's not the person you remembered? She will never compare to the fantasy, and honestly, your obsession over her perfection is rather frightening.

[00:10:09] My word, that sent a shiver down my spine at the end there. It's like, it's like he is just living in a completely different reality. Like he said in the title himself. Gee whiz. But now, I'm gonna turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below, and let's move on to another story. Now, our next story comes from funface3389, and it says,

[00:10:36] Am I the arsehole for ruining my brother's childhood memory by admitting I photoshopped it 14 years ago? When my younger brother, 20 now, was six, he went through a huge Harry Potter phase. He loved the wizarding world and believed he might meet Harry Potter, Daniel Radcliffe, or the other characters on a family trip to Scotland, since Hogwarts was there. No one promised him this, but he convinced himself it could happen.

[00:11:05] Sadly, the trip was cancelled after our grandpa passed away, and my brother was devastated for both reasons. To cheer him up, I decided to craft a souvenir. I was 16 and had just discovered Photoshop, so I edited a picture of my brother with Daniel Radcliffe to make it look like they'd met. I printed it, framed it, and gave it to him without telling him it was fake. He loved it and fully believed he'd met Daniel. Soon, he had an entire story about the meeting,

[00:11:35] what they talked about, how Daniel hugged him, etc. It was so sweet, and none of us, my family and I, had the heart to tell him the truth. Fast forward 14 years, and my brother still didn't know that the old, low-quality picture of him meeting Daniel Radcliffe is fake. I never told him because his memory of the fake meeting felt so real to him that it became one of his proudest stories. Over time, the memory became less important, and the framed picture had been packed away in some box,

[00:12:04] and my brother has long outgrown his Harry Potter obsession. Yesterday, however, we were at our parents' home, and we were bringing up old memories. You know how it goes. The story of meeting Daniel Radcliffe came up, and thinking it was harmless, I told him the truth. I thought he'd laugh, but instead, he got visibly upset. He didn't want to believe me at first, thinking I was messing with him. I told him the real story of how and why I did it.

[00:12:30] He told me that it feels like I robbed him of a real childhood memory that he had really cherished, and he feels embarrassed thinking about all the times he's told people about meeting Daniel Radcliffe in person, even recently. We ended our conversation on a semi-good note, though. I apologize for not telling him sooner, because I do feel bad that it meant so much to him even now. But I don't regret it. Back then, it made him so happy during a rough time, and I don't regret giving him that joy.

[00:12:59] I just didn't realize how much it still meant to him. So I'm wondering, am or was I the arsehole? Some of the top comments says, Not the arsehole. It's like Santa. You did it with good intentions, and he never met him. He was six. Now he is 20. Maybe disappointing, but he's 20 years old. It would be worse to continue the fantasy for an adult. I'm sure no one ever thought at the time that this would be the result 14 years later.

[00:13:29] Sounds like he just never got the memo it wasn't real. Much worse things that can happen as an adult. Another commenter says, I don't get why people are comparing this to Santa. This feels so extreme that everyone kept up this lie for so long. You're almost 10 years older than him. Why didn't you or anyone else tell him sooner? Your grandfather died. He was a child grieving. This false memory would have been so easy for a young kid to cling on to in the midst of all that. It seems so cruel to do this for years.

[00:13:59] Everyone sucks except your brother. Another commenter says, You're the arsehole for not telling him sooner. This is not like Santa or the Easter Bunny or unicorns or anything like that. This is something that could have actually happened, and there was no way for him to know it didn't really happen. There are better ways to cheer up a kid than lying to them. This is seriously insane that you allowed this to go on for so long. If my family had told me I met someone or had visited a specific country as a kid

[00:14:28] and had a photo that looked real, I would absolutely believe it. I don't have much of a memory at that age, and anyone who says they actually do probably have false memories like your sibling. This is a horrible and weird thing to do to someone you care about. OP came in with an update and said, Hello again Reddit. My post from last week ago got quite a lot of attention. Reading through all the comments was an experience. Thank you all for sharing your thoughts and gently or not so gently humbling me.

[00:14:56] Apparently the consensus is that I'm kind of an arsehole, but like a well-meaning one. I'll take it. The thing that amused me the most though was how everyone just assumed I'm my brother's older brother. For the record I never said that. Could be a sister, could be a sibling. It's 2024 people. Let's not default to dudes all the time. Anyway, a lot of people told me to find a way to contact Daniel Radcliffe for real and get some kind of message to my brother. While I appreciate the ambition,

[00:15:24] I don't exactly have Daniel's number lying around, and cold calling celebrities isn't in my skill set. Besides, I figured my brother might appreciate a bit of humor over me spiraling into some overly elaborate apology plan. We hadn't seen each other since my post, but we finally met up Saturday, and I brought him a new photoshopped picture of a 20-year-old hymn with Daniel Radcliffe, captioned, Reunited at last. I just made it on my phone, and thankfully he loved it,

[00:15:51] and definitely doesn't think it's real this time. Seriously though, we had another conversation about the whole situation. My brother said it was still crappy to find it out like this, and so late, but that he appreciates me telling the truth. I asked him about the memory and how it felt so real to him, since a lot of comments were wondering that too. He said that looking back, it's possible he knew it wasn't real at first, but started telling a story about it to impress his friends, and somewhere along the way, he started believing his own hype.

[00:16:21] I also told him about the Reddit post, and we had a good laugh reading through some of the comments together, but when I jokingly asked if I could share either photo, he gave me a hard no. So sorry Reddit, these masterpieces stay in the family. And I'm glad that they were able to talk it out, and have a laugh about it afterwards, you know, it would be sad if something like that actually damaged their relationship. I remember, you know, I've got a wild memory, I've played a lot of games growing up, and you know, when I was a youngster, we played a lot of roleplay games.

[00:16:51] Do you remember a game called Streets of Rage? We'd play that, and I'd have to make it, I'd be the bad guy, and there'd be the good guys, and they'd fight me, and then I would drop loot, and they could pick it up, and buy stuff at the shops, and all this kind of stuff. All that to say, my imagination was wild, it is wild today, and I remember playing with like, some younger members of my family, and I was telling them like, I had metal bones. I don't know why I wanted to convince them of this, like Wolverine, or the Terminator, or something. And time passed,

[00:17:20] and I didn't think much of it, but I can remember them telling another family member, about my metal bones, and I thought, oh shit, I best correct this quickly, whilst being slightly proud of myself, at the same time. Sorry, not sorry. But anyway, let's have one more little cheeky story, shall we? This one comes from the, am I the asshole here, subreddit, from awarerestaurant281, and says, am I the asshole, for kicking my co-worker out of the car, after he littered? My co-worker asked for a ride home today, because of the snowstorm,

[00:17:49] and Ubers were charging a ridiculous amount. I said, sure, no problem. While I was driving, he opened the window, and I asked why. He said, I'm just gonna toss my coffee cup. I said, absolutely not, and enabled the child lock. He got pissy, and said, relax, everyone does it. It's no big deal. I warned him that if he littered from my car, I'm going to kick him out. He didn't heed my warning, and opened the door at a red light, and just tossed his coffee cup. So,

[00:18:18] I turned to the nearest parking lot, and told him to go back, and pick up his garbage, or I'm not dropping him off. We were still 15 miles away from his house, and it was 20 degrees out. He only had a light jacket, and hoodie on. He refused, and told me that I'm being overly dramatic. I told him to get out of my car. He refused, so I straight up told him, that I'd call the cops, and report him to management the next day, if he doesn't leave my car. Only when I was with 911, did he leave my car. He told me that he had picked up the litter, and I told him it's too late,

[00:18:48] and drove off. He kept calling and texting me, so I had to block his number. Am I the arsehole? He probably paid 80 to 100 dollars for an Uber. This is just like a simple, consequences have actions, right? You told him the consequences of his actions, you gave him the warning. He insisted on doing it. There you go, but I'd maybe get a heads up to your workplace, because it sounds like this kind of guy will just escalate this in some way. I mean,

[00:19:16] it's just absurd behavior, isn't it? But a commenter says, I completely understand your point. I'm concerned that he refused to leave your car. That could have escalated. Please tell HR what happened before he thinks to do so. Not like a complaint, but just to mention it in case it comes up in your workplace. Opie responded saying, I'll definitely be talking to HR and my boss in a few hours about this. He's still in his probation period, and I'm the one that's training him. Oh no. This whole thing was recorded

[00:19:45] with my cabin dash cam. What a bloody burk. You're in a car with someone that's training you at work. Not only that, you're still on probation, and you decide to act like that. Oh, deary me. Greiner for Alt says, not the arsehole. Even if he really believes everyone litters, he could have lived with your strict rules for that one car ride as you were doing him a favor. Also, what you asked was really not strict at all. Most people do not litter. It just looks that way

[00:20:15] because litter tends to stay for a long while. And so the litterers feel justified when they see the garbage. Squig says, not the arsehole. Note for those in Celsius land, around minus seven Celsius. I've not used Uber that much. Does it really get that expensive for a 15 mile trip? Anyway, this seems to be pretty proportionate. You established the rule. We're quite clear on the matter. It's not like you were ambiguous. You were also quite clear what the consequences would be.

[00:20:45] Your co-worker went out of his way to get kicked out of your car. And as a result of doing exactly what you said would get him kicked out of your car, you kicked him out. You were actually pretty generous to take him to a parking lot. It's mad, isn't it? Some people just want to invite drama into their life. Like one of the comments said, even if you are that way inclined to throw rubbish out your window like that, dearie me, when someone tells you not to do it because you're going to get kicked out of the car,

[00:21:14] just don't insist on doing it. I mean, don't do it anyway, but, oh, dearie me, what do you guys make of this situation? Maybe you've got a different opinion on this matter. Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now, just a huge thank you for being here today, getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much. And hopefully, I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.