Wife Says She Will STOP Talking To Me If I Tell HER SISTER She's Being Cheated On r/Relationships

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from traditionalhour483 from the am I the arsehole here subreddit. And it says,

[00:00:25] am I the arsehole for going behind my wife's back and telling her pregnant sister that she's being cheated on. I've been married to my wife for three years. I'm 27 and she's 26. My sister-in-law is 30 and my POS brother-in-law is 31. I always had a close relationship with my sister-in-law. We are friends. Also has a decent connection between my brother-in-law. Not that close, but we often talk and get along.

[00:00:53] My wife and her sister didn't get along as much as you would expect from siblings. It wasn't just normal siblings rivalry, but constant fights and arguments. Anyway, three weeks ago when I was having dinner with my friends, I saw my brother-in-law with another woman. They were just eating. I didn't think much of it. I wanted to go and greet him, but I kept talking to my friends.

[00:01:16] After a while, I saw that he gave a light kiss to this woman. I was so shocked. I decided to not confront him and when I got back to my home, I told my wife everything. I told her that her sister is getting cheated on and we need to tell her. My wife said we should talk to my brother-in-law instead of telling her sister and we should not break their marriage because her sister is pregnant.

[00:01:38] I was like, what the fuck? So what if she's pregnant? Her husband is a cheat. I tried to convince my wife multiple times that we should tell her sister the truth. I told her that I know you guys don't get along, but she's still your sister and this isn't right. But she asked me to stay out of it. I tried my best to convince my wife that she either ignored me or said we shouldn't break their marriage. I had enough of her and yesterday, I told her that I'm coming clean to my sister-in-law.

[00:02:07] She and I have a great bond and I can't and won't betray her. My wife said if I tell her the truth, she will not talk to me. I replied I won't talk to you either if you don't want to do what's right. Today, I told my sister-in-law the truth. I went to her place and told her everything. She was doubtful and she asked me to leave. After a few hours, my sister-in-law called me and she was crying and said what I said was the truth and she shouldn't have doubted me and kicked me. She said she's leaving.

[00:02:36] I asked her, where would you go? Do you have any money? She said she does, but not that much. I wired her a bit and said she should call me if she needs help and she thanked me and said she will only use the money I sent if it's necessary. Otherwise, she will return it. My brother-in-law called my wife and, well, my wife lashed on to me and said I ruined her family and her sister's life. I said I thought the moment we got married your family is mine and my family is yours.

[00:03:04] Anyway, why the fuck are you defending that piece of shit so much? What about your sister? She didn't reply to me and she's not talking to me either. I tried to talk to her and convince her that it was the right thing to do, but she wouldn't talk to me. So I said fine, stay angry and if you want to divorce me then go ahead. I think I've nuked my marriage. Do not know if what I did was truly right. The wife's whole behavior in this story is like really worrying.

[00:03:33] The fact that brother-in-law called her as well I found strange in itself. And it's one of those stories that's just got me thinking there's more to this. But Adobe says, not the arsehole. If I were you, I would sleep with one eye open. Your wife has no moral standards. Adobe says, I truly have been thinking about this. That she might just be, I love and trust my wife. And I was thinking she wanted me to not tell her because my sister-in-law is pregnant. A woman knows how stressful pregnancy and after pregnancy is.

[00:04:02] And she might have thought that she needs support from her husband. I don't know. Nothing here makes sense to me. There was nothing for me to suspect of her cheating on me. Unusually son, he says, sounds like your wife supports cheaters. And that should be worrying to you, not the arsehole. But I somewhat think she just asked me to not tell her because my sister-in-law is pregnant. And it will cause her more stress. That's just what I think.

[00:04:30] But the truth is, if I hide it and support my wife, I am in the wrong. If I tell her the truth after she gives birth, then still I am wrong. If I hide it forever, then I am still wrong. Like, what am I supposed to do? Cover up for the betrayer and not help my family. Even my wife is angry at me and probably will lose her if I already haven't lost her. RP Floyd says, my guy, I would pick up the phone or pay your brother-in-law a visit and ask him why he reached out to your wife and not you.

[00:04:59] What kind of weird coward does that? I'm sure your sister-in-law told him that it was you that saw him and outed him. So why would he even feel the need to reach out to her? I think that you will be given an explanation that you probably won't like. At least you will know exactly where you stand with your wife and why she was so desperately trying to keep you from outing him. Like others stated, I think he had some dirt on her or there is a lot more to this story that has taken place in the past that you aren't privy to.

[00:05:25] I wouldn't wait on this and strike while the iron is hot per se. I wouldn't wait. Also, take a look at your online phone bill and see how much your wife and brother-in-law have been chatting. Other than the one call. If there are several calls, that might be a little concerning too. I know that you said you trusted her, but something is telling me there is a lot that is being withheld from you. Rafe Lunos says, your wife seemed very intent on keeping this quiet. I would be wondering why.

[00:05:55] Also the fact that she is still angry after the fact. After everything is out and she is still defending piece of shit brother-in-law. This in itself is a major red flag. And lastly, and I don't mean to imply anything here. Why did he call your wife after he was outed? Surely he could have called anyone else. Why her? Maybe it's all my years in law enforcement, but I'm getting an uneasy feeling here by the way you described her reaction to this whole thing. Like you, I would think that her first reaction would be to protect her sister.

[00:06:24] But she seems more intent on keeping this quiet from my observation. The question is, why? Why? And one more comment from every coach who says, wow, I can't imagine hating a sibling so much. I'd rather watch them suffer than to help them. And now she's mad at you. Yeesh. Sounds like your wife can hold onto a grudge and never let go. Even when it means saving face and doing the right thing. It's not like she's dysfunctional and you're going to have to take care of her or support her.

[00:06:52] I don't understand how you were blamed for another man cheating on his wife. So many families have this don't interfere adage that I don't understand. Even when someone is suffering or being used and they don't know it. I don't get it. Not the asshole. So then OP came in with her update, which says, it's been a few days since I told my wife's sister that her husband is a cheat. Just to clarify to all the weirdos. No, I'm not in love with my sister-in-law.

[00:07:18] I don't have any inappropriate relations or feelings for her. I respect her and she's family. In any case, yesterday I asked my wife and wanted me to not reveal the truth to her sister. I know you guys hate each other, but you guys are siblings. My wife said it's not our place to interfere. I asked, are you okay with your sister being cheated on? She said she isn't, but it will and has ruined their marriage because of my stupidity. She's pregnant and the child needs his father.

[00:07:47] And so does the wife. I was so shocked when she said all this. Like, what the fuck? I asked her if I were to cheat on you, would you forgive me? She said yes. I also asked her if she ever cheats on me, would she hide it from me? She also said yes to that. What the fuck? I was so shocked. I asked her if she knows what she is saying. She said yes and she's confident. Just because you had sex with someone else doesn't mean everyone else has to suffer and

[00:08:16] break the family. I had no words to say. I told her that I also sent my sister-in-law money. She started screaming at me and said that I shouldn't have helped her despite knowing she doesn't like her sister. I said if that's what she thinks, then it's better if we just divorce. She got angry and screamed fine and started packing her bag. I tried my best to stop her from leaving. I told her that I love her and I just did what I felt right. Nobody has to suffer betrayal like this. She said it wasn't the right time.

[00:08:46] I asked her, so when should we tell her the truth? After she gives birth? Because it will worsen her PPD or years after she gives birth. She will just blame us. She said she'd just kept quiet and left it alone. I tried so hard to stop her but she didn't listen to me and left. I tried to contact her and her parents, her friends, but they didn't know where she is and instead started interrogating me, saying I am her husband and I should have taken care of her and I should know where she is.

[00:09:15] I even visited my brother-in-law to confirm my suspicions but I didn't see her car or her belongings anywhere. I hate that I'm being blamed for just revealing the truth and my wife leaving me right away without a second thought. I was so damn pissed today, I called my sister-in-law and told her that she can stay at my place because I'm going to my parents and my wife left and nobody knows where she is. She told me she will try talking to her parents but after a while she called me and said their parents don't know where she is.

[00:09:45] I told her to think about herself and come over and stay here instead of blowing up her money. Now I'm at my parents and my sister-in-law is in our home. Maybe I was being petty but I hate that my wife gave up on me and left without a second thought. I don't know whether she's cheating or cheated or she would truly cheat on me and her own blood sister with a family relative over feuds. One thing is for sure though, I cannot trust my wife anymore. She hurt me.

[00:10:10] I gotta tell you, my jaw was nearly on the desk when you asked her if she would hide it from you if she ever cheated on you and she just went, yeah, I would. Just straight up. I mean in some ways at least she's telling you who she is so you can act on that and get the fuck out of there. There's just no way you can move past that because you can't trust her again. Jackson loves her the same. They said, I'm sorry OP, the way your wife speaks on the subject of cheating is concerning, especially that she would hide it from you.

[00:10:39] If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't be able to trust her either. How she doesn't look at cheating on your SO as a huge deal breaker is beyond me. Some couples can forgive and move past it but not all. The baby's father can still be in his slash her life. I'm sorry you're hurting and going through this. Hugs. OP replied saying yeah, I feel she isn't even the woman I married. She's like a completely different person. Maybe the comments about I married the wrong sister were right. In any case, I love and still do and will do so for foreseeable future.

[00:11:08] So I'll just back out of the relationship and dating scene. Even if I don't trust my wife at this point. And a final comment from Stupacool who says, Your wife told you she would cheat on you and have no remorse to it and would also not tell you. What did that tell you? She hasn't already done that. She sympathizes with cheating. Probably because she's been in that position and sees it in herself as no big deal. You obviously feel differently. Think on this for a while before you go groveling and begging for a bag.

[00:11:35] I think she just told you a really big secret and expects you to understand and forgive her. Absolutely. You know, the way she was sympathizing with it pretty much is saying it all really for me. But what do you guys make of this situation? Holy shit. Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Now our next story comes from BoringCommittee959 and says,

[00:12:02] Am I the arsehole here for wanting to give up my son after discovering he isn't mine? The situation is nothing short of a clusterfuck. I'm angry, depressed and sad and I don't know what to do. Throw away. I, 32 male, am shattered and don't know where to turn. My wife passed away last month. Only seven months after giving birth to our son. She developed peripartum cardiomyopathy,

[00:12:29] a rare and severe form of heart failure that can occur in the months following childbirth. Despite the doctor's best efforts, she didn't survive. Losing her so suddenly has left me heartbroken and in a state of constant grief. Three weeks ago, my wife's best friend came over to visit. She was visibly nervous and eventually told me she had something sensitive to share. After some hesitation, she revealed that my wife had confided in her that she'd been unfaithful around the time our son was conceived

[00:12:57] and that there was a chance he might not be mine. I was stunned and angry. My wife's best friend was telling me this only weeks after my wife's death and it felt like an attempt to tarnish her memory. I couldn't believe it. I told her to leave and not to come back. Convinced she was lying or tried to shift some blame onto me somehow. The whole thing felt like a betrayal and I tried to push the thought out of my mind. But once the idea was planted, it wouldn't go away.

[00:13:25] I kept wondering, what if she was telling the truth? After days of tormenting myself with this possibility, I decided to get a DNA test. It wasn't an easy decision. I felt guilty for even considering it, but I needed closure. Yesterday, the results came back. My worst fears were confirmed. My son isn't biologically mine. Now I'm in turmoil. I loved my wife and I wanted to believe our son was a piece of her and me together.

[00:13:55] But knowing he's not biologically mine has left me feeling lost and betrayed. I keep looking at him, trying to feel the same bond. But the pain in my wife's infidelity is so fresh and I don't know if I'll ever be able to move past it. I feel awful even considering it, but I don't know if I can raise him on my own. The betrayal I feel is overwhelming and I don't know if I'm capable of giving him the love and care he deserves. It's breaking my heart and I feel like a failure. But I also feel like I'm not equipped to give him the life he deserves.

[00:14:25] Am I the arsehole here? But the first commenter says, Have you thought to call her friend and ask her who the father is? That took a lot for her to tell you. She could have never told you. The right thing to do first is attempt to find the guy and inform him. Opie says, I haven't contacted her since that day. However, your suggestion is sound and I'd definitely contact her for his details if she has any. I know something says, Not the arsehole. It's not the child's fault. You should tell your wife's family so they can take him.

[00:14:54] I worry if you raise him, you'll always resent him. I'm so sorry for your loss in your wife's betrayal. Please get therapy so you can heal. Best of luck, Opie. Little Mushroom replies that saying, Not the arsehole, this, and then points to the previous comment. That child will feel that hesitation and frustration by the time they're in kindergarten. They won't understand why, but they will sense the mood, no matter how well you try to mask it. Feelings aren't right or wrong, they're just feelings, but they can definitely influence others.

[00:15:24] Your late wife presumably has living relatives. Contact them about it and involve them in the situation. I wouldn't just hand the baby over to the state without telling them, but if an actual relative is willing to step up, that would be a better outcome. There's a girl says, Social worker here. Since Opie was married at the time of wife's death, he is considered the legal father in the eyes of the family court. At this time, DNA has established he is not the biological father. Therefore, he will need to have his parental rights terminated

[00:15:53] to avoid any legal responsibility to the affair child. Opie needs to contact family law attorney and start legal proceedings to identify by father and terminate his rights. Sweet Autumn Babe says you're not an a-hole for feeling the way you do. Finding out that your child isn't biologically yours, especially after the loss of your wife, is a devastating revelation. Your feelings of betrayal, confusion, and sadness are valid and understandable. It's a lot to process,

[00:16:21] and it's normal to feel conflicted about your ability to care for your son after such a traumatic experience. And like that comment said, you can't blame Opie for feeling the way they do. Imagine discovering something like that. Absolutely devastating. Your mind must be all over the place, as well as you're already grieving. And it sounds like Opie already knows that there's going to be some kind of resentment or something like that towards the child.

[00:16:49] So getting in contact with that father and going through that route has got to be one of the best options, right? But Opie edited the post and says, I hadn't thought of contacting a friend, but I will now. The replies have really solidified what I had been feeling. The child is innocent, but I don't think I'll be able to love or care for him as well as I should. Conforming the family will be my first step, then contacting the affair partner if possible. Adoption is going to be my last resort. Many of you may believe I'm a monster,

[00:17:18] but put yourself in my situation. I hope you all understand. Edit two. So I called her friend. I apologize for my behavior, but I also asked why she did not inform me as soon as she knew. She said her loyalties laid with her friend more than me. Okay, fine. I asked her about the affair partner. She said she doesn't know as it was a one-time thing. Apparently it happened during her work time, whatever that meant. And during daytime as she'd been told. I mean, I'm not fully understanding,

[00:17:47] but it seemed like she fucked the guy when she was supposed to be working. Many of you were suggesting I go through a phone or other social contacts, but I don't know any passwords. I never doubted her. We weren't controlling of each other and had and gave plenty of privacy. The next step is informing the family, both mine and hers. I'm adding another thing. I don't hate the baby. And I'm not so deranged I'll throw him out of the house. Whatever happens according to procedure, I'm not going to instantly abandon a kid just because he isn't mine.

[00:18:18] So that was all in the first post. And then OP came in with her update and then said, thanks to everyone who reached out with advice and support. I didn't get to respond to every message, but I really appreciate it. After finding out my son isn't biologically mine, I decided to tell both my family and my in-laws. My family was shocked and angry about everything, but they stood by me. My in-laws were also shocked, but didn't believe it at first. They asked to see the DNA test results. And after seeing them,

[00:18:47] they suggested we do a second test with both families present, just to be sure. They said that if it confirmed he isn't mine, my late wife's sister, who has a four-year-old daughter, would adopt him. And I could take my name off the birth certificate if I wanted. I agreed and we did the test yesterday. Results should come in about a week. Honestly, I'm relieved with how things are playing out. There hasn't been any drama and everyone's been understanding. I've also talked to a lawyer who said getting my name off the certificate

[00:19:15] should be straightforward with the test results. Thank you all again for the support and for those who offered to adopt him. I'm sorry, but your kindness means a lot. I'll update when the final results are in. Upbeat Salary said on the back of this, this whole situation sounds so tough. It's great to see everyone being so supportive and understanding. Family stepping up like this shows a lot of love, honestly. Hope everything goes smoothly with the next steps. And I kind of felt the same.

[00:19:44] It's an incredibly shitty situation for OP and they're going to be carrying around, you know, a lot of thoughts, feelings, and trauma with them for some time to come. But I'm super glad that people haven't turned on OP when, you know, with what they're going through already and they have been sort of understanding with what's going on. Incredibly messed up situation. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this?

[00:20:13] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now, just a huge thank you for being here today, getting involved in the stories. Your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much. And hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.