Wife Left Me For Months And Is Now Begging For Me To Take Her Back - Reddit Stories To Sleep To

[00:00:00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and welcome to today's compilation stories. I always like to do these when I go on holiday for a week or so. Do a couple

[00:00:12] just to keep you tied over. I know some of you enjoy them but I also know some of you don't like them so if you don't like them this is not for you. Click off immediately.

[00:00:23] But now let's get started. Much love guys. For we do get into today's story I do want to mention that there is mentions of suicide within the story so if you do want to skip

[00:00:33] the story please feel free to do so. Timestamps are down in the description and along the timeline below and let's crack on with it. The title is My 28 Male Wife 27 Female Left Me For 3 Months And Recently Begged Me To Take Her Back. I said no and everyone seems

[00:00:50] to be against me. I need some advice strangers. Well, let me give you some background information as the situation will be hard to understand without it. Seven years ago I got married to the girl of my dreams Denise, fake name. I had been dating for two years before

[00:01:07] that and it was like a dream come true. That changed after our marriage. After our marriage she constantly started feeling down and out of it and eventually I got her

[00:01:17] to go to a doctor who sent her to a therapist and from there we found out she had depression to do with things from her past that she was trying to forget. I decided to be as supportive

[00:01:27] as I could be. I took care of most of the housework despite working 40 hours a week and told her to just get herself in order and if she needed to talk to me I would be there

[00:01:37] for her. That was six and a half years ago. Before she left she was still depressed. She basically only lays in bed and complains, she does nothing. We had no intimacy, no sex, no cuddles, no going out. My entire day was filled with work and housework.

[00:01:54] Day in and day out I worked my ass off, came home to a mess of a house and started cleaning up, starting dinner and so forth. At the end of the day I was exhausted and all I could expect

[00:02:06] was for Denise to unload more of her troubles on me and complain about herself, me and everything around her. I could not even hang out with my buddies to get away from it all as she would

[00:02:16] relentlessly call me saying she was scared and everything so I had no social life. Not that I had time for it anyway but despite it all I pushed through hoping that sooner or later

[00:02:27] she would break out of it and we could have a proper life together as I loved her and as they say for better and worse this was quite clearly worse possibly the worst it would ever be.

[00:02:39] Four months ago she got a new therapist and three months ago that therapist suggested she needed time away from me as her depression started when we married so I may be the cause of it.

[00:02:49] The moment she told me I was crushed I started doubting myself blaming myself and worrying but beneath it all this creeping sense of having done everything for her, having sacrificed years of my life as a cash cow and a servant for her to lay in bed

[00:03:04] and this is my thanks it is my fault now. But I rejected that feeling trying to talk through it but she decided to leave and stay with her mother saying that she needed time away from me

[00:03:16] and that I may be the cause of a depression and so forth honestly the entire argument is a blur in my head. I spent the next month when she moved out calling her, her family, begging and humiliating

[00:03:28] myself just to get her back apologizing for everything I may have done wrong honestly I was close to ending it all as I was so hopeless at that point. But that month passed and as it passed I couldn't help but feel relieved,

[00:03:43] I came home and it was quiet I could indulge in my hobbies which I had not done in years. The place was not a mess every time I came home I could relax and two months in I even

[00:03:53] realized I could hang out with my buddies again grabbing a beer enjoying life and slowly I started to realize that I had been miserable this entire time. Slowly that turned into more and more

[00:04:05] realizations before I realized I honestly did not love her anymore, I felt like my youth was wasting away, I could do much much better than this. I felt like I was a caretaker of a handicapped

[00:04:17] old lady, hell I still look good and as I went out I started once again gaining back myself confidence, women would flirt with me I felt wanted even though I never did flirt back.

[00:04:30] After all these realizations I suddenly got a call from my wife saying she made a huge mistake she was sobbing her eyes out and how she was an idiot taking therapist's words as fact and

[00:04:41] how much she loved me for a moment I wanted to say yes, yes please come back but I couldn't. I just blurted it out and said to her she had left me and I was done with this relationship.

[00:04:55] I told her I would get divorce papers and I told her I wasted enough time as it was and this final action of hers was the nail in the coffin. After that I just dropped the phone

[00:05:05] started crying for a bit before turning in and feeling liberated. The issue now is that everyone in my family is telling me I am making a mistake I should take her back I owe it to her to try and make it work, marriage is not always fun etc.

[00:05:22] The thing is I never had fun in this marriage I can't remember the last time I had fun and wasn't miserable we are both young and fit and we never even go out. Hell the last time we

[00:05:34] had sex is over a year ago all I am to her is a fucking servant as it seems and I rather live long than spend one more hour taking care of her but on the other hand I doubt myself

[00:05:47] am I really dumping someone that is depressed I feel horrible about it I feel like a failure I just need advice. Edit. Wow I stepped away from my phone for a while and returned to a ton

[00:06:00] of comments thank you all so much I will try to read them all. Edit too while I have a hard time defending my wife right now let me clarify something that is popping up in some comments

[00:06:10] I know for a fact that she did not sleep around with anyone while we are separated and we do have some comments which OP replies to and a full update as well so we're going to start with the comments we're going to start with Trekstein who says

[00:06:24] also the only person who knows what is best for you is you those other people were not in your relationship they have no idea what it was like just do what is best for you

[00:06:35] you've put yourself to the side for years and OP responded saying I just finally have time for myself it feels like heaven and I'm not even doing anything special just finally getting home

[00:06:46] and playing a game again reading a book cooking food I like having a drink with friends socializing getting attention from women it just feels amazing Campbell says no absolutely not you have clear evidence that your health and happiness are 10 times better when you

[00:07:03] are not in that relationship have debilitating mental health issues and I would never treat my husband like that or blame him for my depression it's a cruel and awful thing to say to someone

[00:07:14] who is taking care of you full time I don't care that she was blindly listening to her therapist she should have taken one minute to think about the relationship from your perspective you cannot control her actions or behavior but you can control your boundaries with her

[00:07:29] put up those walls and do not let anyone tear them down not her or family be selfish and do what is best for you OP responded saying I think I have been horribly unhappy for years but her leaving

[00:07:42] just sort of was the straw that broke the camel's back LaRue says you are not the court of her mental health issues you were supportive and tried to help her she didn't want the help

[00:07:53] you can't control that it sounds like you mentally and emotionally checked out and that's okay you deserve to be happy and to have a partner who doesn't blame you for their issues you're young move on with your life and find happiness whether that's alone or in another relationship

[00:08:08] OP response saying yeah that's another thing I already feel like I wasted a lot of my youth by this point at this age I was hoping to have a nice family and kids not taking care of an adult

[00:08:19] full time eating working and sleeping kinky scum says you are fully justified to never depression sucks yes but she clearly didn't do anything to try to get better you cannot treat depression by giving in and having someone enable you no offense you were just doing what you thought

[00:08:38] would help she's been like this for too long you haven't been happy at all please leave enjoy your freedom OP responds again saying hell I just figured I was given a room to work on

[00:08:49] herself but I may have been enabling her and one more comment from Snorlax who says depression sucks I'm a sufferer myself but I love my husband and family so much that if I like hell to get better

[00:09:02] do I succeed all the time no depression or not I would never treat a person like you have been treated she's a grown-up she needs to take responsibility for her own recovery and it was that last comment that struck me and when I got diagnosed with depression myself

[00:09:17] which was leading up to finding out about my mom being ill basically and only having like a few weeks to live and it just reminded me of the feelings that I felt at that particular time when

[00:09:28] everything was going on it just felt like you was like in in fog is the only way I could explain it and I had some pretty dark thoughts at the time and went to the doctor got diagnosed and

[00:09:37] was on I think it was Cetraline at the time and obviously I'm just talking from my experience here I'm not trying to give suggestions or anything like that but after a few weeks it was

[00:09:45] like the fog was lifting around me and I could see things a lot more clearly I was able to discuss things with my family that was really tough conversations at the time with what was going on

[00:09:55] and things just became a lot lot easier you know I wasn't perfect but where I'm going with this is basically saying I don't think I would ever would have relied on my family to you know be

[00:10:06] waiting on me the amount you have in this and I just wonder how much responsibility she was taking for her own care here because from what I've read in the post it doesn't sound like

[00:10:17] that much I don't blame you for feeling the way you do because you've got to look after your own happiness as well you've already confirmed you know that your life was pretty much 10 times better

[00:10:27] when you were separated from her and it just feels incredibly unfair to me that people are putting this on your shoulders when you know they're not the ones living it they're not

[00:10:37] the ones dealing with it day in day out but now we're going to move on to OP's update to find out what happened next so it starts off let me start by thanking all the people who responded

[00:10:50] there was a lot of insight a lot of advice and a lot of support and while there was certainly a fair share of people just looking for an argument insulting me making offensive comments or trying

[00:11:00] to rote me into something called MGTOW which I think is men going their own way luckily the vast majority of replies were great and stuff I could work with especially those who are in

[00:11:11] similar situations and those who are in said situation rather than the press party proved to give me some insight I sometimes did not even consider also I'm sorry for not being able

[00:11:21] to respond to everyone I've really tried my best to respond but there were so many comments I honestly couldn't keep up anymore but rest assured I tried to read just about every single comment so your advice likely did not go in vain and I appreciate it

[00:11:35] I ended up having a really good think about my entire situation trying to weigh out whether I would be able to give her another chance to begin with as despite my post would give way was actually

[00:11:46] something I struggled with I was a bit of an emotional mess after all and honestly I sort of lack slash lacked control over my emotions as you might have noticed in some of my responses sometimes I seem nostalgic forgiving and nice other times I seem vengeful resentful and

[00:12:04] hateful I will admit off the bat that this is all me like I told people in messages I was and still am not in the best of places emotionally but I have been working on getting my own emotions under

[00:12:16] control the past few days and I can say I'm in a better place than I was weeks ago but it will certainly take some more time for me to recuperate from all of this now off to what

[00:12:27] people were likely looking to see what ended up happening this week that made me decide to make an update post well after all that thinking I decided regardless of what course I would be

[00:12:39] taking as some people suggested it would be my decisions and my decision alone not the decision of my parents her parents friends or people on the internet mine alone a decision I

[00:12:52] would be the one living with at the end of the day I decided I would inevitably end up regretting it all if I did not at the very least talk to my wife and get some closure so that is exactly what I did

[00:13:04] two days ago I decided to invite her to our home to talk about what us our relationship what I would be doing going forward her depression and so forth basically just to get it all on

[00:13:15] the table now it would be impossible to narrate this entire conversation and honestly it was about some very personal stuff so I would not even want to even if I could so will instead try to break

[00:13:27] it down and give a summary of sorts we ended up discussing our entire relationship I must admit it was very awkward confronting as it was about a lot of stuff myself in particular have bottled

[00:13:39] up so long it was very hard for me not to start yelling I told her I was exhausted I told her everything we've been trying obviously had not been working I told her I felt like a door mat

[00:13:50] I told her she was not the person I married I told her these three months have been liberating for me I told her I was tired of it all I told her that I felt like she wasn't doing anything to help herself

[00:14:02] I told her she was not doing anything around the house I told her a marriage is supposed to be a partnership and I felt like I was basically married to myself and that I was the only

[00:14:11] partner in this relationship essentially unloaded the stuff I'd been feeling for years by now I told her I had a hard time not regretting the day I married her at this point and

[00:14:21] why that obviously really really hurt her to hear she told me she knew she knew I was unhappy she knew she had been anything but a partner she knew she was horrible about it all but she felt

[00:14:33] like whatever she tried she always ended up fearing getting better getting demotivated to do anything and that when she left she almost felt like she had burdened me enough and it

[00:14:43] wasn't for her but for me but that she went about it the wrong way and ended up blaming the therapist as an easy way out while it was true the therapist had guided her in some way

[00:14:53] towards this decision the decision she made was for the right reasons but the explanation she provided was tailored to her not to me which was disregarding the therapist's advice entirely she said she felt guilty about it all and that that guilt was just making a psychological

[00:15:10] state even worse she said she hated seeing me go to work come in whom exhausted and having to clean everything up until I just passed out essentially which I might add is a massive

[00:15:20] step for her but she never admitted this but she started admitting a lot of stuff and apologizing for a lot of things in our relationship she said her time away made her realize how much I

[00:15:31] mean to her and how much she took for granted that she should have done better a long time ago to which I told her I felt like I'd been enabling her essentially but I tried to keep her

[00:15:41] to a medication and all of that at the end of the day it was always me picking up after her which probably made it easier for her to slip back into it all well after hours upon hours of talking

[00:15:52] we ended up hugging for what seemed like over an hour before going back to talking and she basically said she understood if I would not take her back she understood if I did not trust

[00:16:02] her to get better she understood that I was tired but she asked me to give her one more chance and she would do anything for it I have to admit my mind immediately wanted me to go to the obvious option

[00:16:16] which was not taking her back not giving her a chance but honestly in this discussion she was the person I was once in love with she seemed to take ownership of things she seemed different somehow I also knew the risk coming with taking her back and honestly

[00:16:31] was not about to pull another Hail Mary so I told her I would be willing to give it a shot but it wouldn't be like before not at all I told her she would have to prove she was going to put in

[00:16:42] the effort first before we could even begin firstly I told her she had to get a part-time job I don't care what sort of job whether it was waiting tables at a clothing store or at some

[00:16:52] company it is irrelevant as long as she made sure to go every single time she was supposed to go look presentable when going and make sure she did her best at said job

[00:17:02] secondly she said she knows I like going to the gym as such she'd be going with me at least three times a week getting shape again get some exercise in but most of all be busy in a healthy way

[00:17:14] thirdly she's going to help her parents around the house while she stays there no more sitting in her room along with her thoughts groceries dishes vacuuming whatever she was going to make an effort doing it every single day fourthly as some people suggested

[00:17:29] we were gonna go on a date once a week no more escaping not wanting to go outside feeling self-conscious no more excuses fifthly we were going to do couples counseling I know we tried

[00:17:42] before but we will try again sixth she is going to go to a new therapist not lie about anything anymore and do whatever the therapist tells her seventh if the therapist suggests medication she is

[00:17:53] going to take them every time she's supposed to take them I will keep them with me and she will take them in front of me no more forgetting no more not taking them no more complaining and

[00:18:03] if there are any issues with them we will try different ones but regardless she's going to stick to it I told her once we're doing all that we can go to the next stage of repairing

[00:18:13] our relationship but until she does them and keeps them up for a good few months there is not a single chance I will continue our relationship and yes I know ultimatums are a taboo on relationship advice

[00:18:25] but I don't think I have much of a choice to my surprise she actually agreed and to my even biggest surprise despite it only having been two days she was actually helping her mother and

[00:18:35] father around the house yesterday that's been looking for jobs her dad also said she seems a lot more cheerful now I know there is a long road left and I know there is a good chance

[00:18:45] this won't work out and that I should not cheer too early but honestly I'm hoping I get my wife back and I felt I owe it to myself to at least allow her this one last chance call me an idiot for

[00:18:57] giving her this chance but well perhaps I am an idiot that was my updates I'm not sure whether I will make another I'd honestly not even planned on making this one I want to

[00:19:07] thank the people who responded to my other post again for their insight and advice and I hope you all live happily ever after or something and I gotta say I took a sneak peek at the comments

[00:19:19] after the update and you know people were really worried about this relationship and don't think it's going to last because of the ultimatums OP you know having to monitor it as well again having control of the medication which doesn't sound like a great idea at all

[00:19:33] and people just basically saying that it's set up to fail but what do you guys make of this one let me know your thoughts down in the comments below and before you do go I just want to finish off

[00:19:46] with a sweet little interaction I found on Reddit between two people so SVDM was talking about their dad and said my dad can't work anymore due to ill health he receives a little money

[00:19:59] just enough to enable him to get by one of his biggest passions before he had to finish work was building model railways he has two both are still unfinished he had to stop working on them

[00:20:10] because he no longer had the money to continue when I took over looking after his finances I started to transfer some extra money from my wages into his bank account so he could start working on it

[00:20:21] again I told him there has been a rise in his benefits as I know he would never accept the money from me it isn't much but at least now he can buy himself one or two bits every month to keep

[00:20:33] himself busy and happy and that you know for me was sweet in itself that he was doing that for his father but grab my rooster then replied to that one and said hey I work in the rail industry

[00:20:47] and if he wanted some plans or other cool stuff to look over well I think it's cool it's really just manuals and shit for equipment PM me and I'll throw a package together it's not

[00:20:57] nearly as cool as model trains but who knows it may be interesting and I just found that interact the story itself was really sweet and then someone replying as well coming in with that

[00:21:09] that they will send put a package together to send to someone as always disclaimer always look after yourself on the internet you never know who you're interacting with and be safe and

[00:21:16] all that kind of stuff but there really is some wonderful people out there I gotta say I found myself looking at model trains the other day I thought oh no if you sit on my Twitter I've been posting

[00:21:28] like Christmas photos I was walking around London and looking at all the different lights and stuff when in one of these toy stores and one of them's got like one of these model

[00:21:35] trains that's they're expensive man I was just sat there staring I'm thinking oh could I don't do it yet mark don't do it but anyway and if you've got pictures of your own don't forget sending

[00:21:46] me on Twitter and our next story comes from the art impress 6525 and it's titled my 26 female fiance is convinced I have a crush on my friend husband my best friend Sarah 26 female and

[00:22:02] her husband Matt 28 male I put me in a very difficult position with my fiance Jack 30 male I knew Matt since my childhood he was my neighbor and we were friendly Sarah and I were roommates in college and became close friends

[00:22:16] and I introduced Sarah and Matt they hit it off and started dating each other was happy to see two of my friends get together but also annoyed that I became the third wheel

[00:22:26] and was often ignored or set aside because they were so into each other by the time I graduated Matt had completely dropped me as a friend that's saddened me but I was still good

[00:22:37] friends with Sarah so it was what it was Sarah and I would frequently hang out but I never talked with Matt other than the occasional polite hello's Sarah would sometimes try to do couples dates with her and Matt and me and my days I found that Matt

[00:22:52] had developed an unpleasant personality and would frequently be rude and condescending towards me however he's a very devoted and loving husband to Sarah so for her sake I ignored him when

[00:23:05] my fiance and I got engaged we had no plans to do a party Sarah was disappointed that we didn't throw an engagement party so she organized a small get together at her home to celebrate us the party

[00:23:17] was nice and as things were winding down my fiance and I went to thank Sarah and Matt for their sweet gesture before we took our leave Matt was pretty tipsy by then and out of nowhere

[00:23:28] he suddenly hugged me and in front of my fiance said that he was so glad that I was finally settling down and he is relieved that now I'll be over the crush I had on him I was shocked and

[00:23:39] told him that wasn't true he just laughed and told Jack that I was always chasing him and he had to work hard to keep me away I dragged Sarah in and asked her to please fix this mess and she

[00:23:50] was like oh he's drunk ignore him and says you know I always trust you I know you wouldn't act on your crush Jack was pretty pissed by this point and he walked out I ran after him

[00:24:01] and tried explaining that this isn't true but he told me he doesn't want to be anyone's second choice or their backup plan since that night he isn't talking to me or returning my cause

[00:24:12] I have talked to Sarah multiple times to clear things with Jack but she's brushing me off I don't understand why they believe this or why'd she stay friends with me if she thought

[00:24:21] I was into her husband I was in a wedding party and did all the work because her sister who was the maid of honor was too busy I've helped her through her pregnancy and have babysit

[00:24:31] her kid so many times she never gave me any indication she thought this and why would she want me close to her family if she believed this I feel humiliated that these people think I was

[00:24:42] pining away for a jerk like Matt I need help in convincing Jack this isn't true I'm also mad at him for throwing away our relationship over what some drunken idiot said I don't know what

[00:24:53] I'm going to do about my friendship with Sarah now for me into this one I I don't know why you would want to stick around with friends like friends air quotes like Matt and Sarah

[00:25:05] I mean it seems like you don't really like Matt anyway so that's no big loss but Sarah is already thinking of you that you're after her husband or you have a crush on her husband why would you

[00:25:14] want to be hanging around someone who's thinking of you in this way with this information coming out you're it's always going to change the dynamic of your relationship going forward you're never going to be able to go forward thinking oh is she thinking that

[00:25:26] I'm after Matt in some way or whatever but I was checking out some of the comments and they cover part of the first update so we're going to read the first update first then go to some comments

[00:25:37] so the first update says I talked to Sarah again and asked her first of all why she think I had a crush on Matt she said that when I first introduced them I'd talked up Matt and gushed

[00:25:48] about him and she took that as me being into him I said I was fond of him since I've known him for a long time but that doesn't mean I want to be with him she said when they started dating I was

[00:25:58] often upset about it I said I wasn't upset about their dating I was upset that she'd make plans with me and then leave me to be with him and when we're all together I didn't enjoy being the third

[00:26:08] wheel while they ignored me had nothing to do with wanting him and more to not liking being left out by my best friend I asked her why she hadn't said anything before and she explained

[00:26:20] that she could manage the situation she'd asked Matt to stop talking to me completely and she engineered situations so there was little chance of us socializing with each other I asked her now

[00:26:30] that I have explained that I never had a crush on Matt can you please talk to Jack and tell him she said she didn't want to lie this frustrated me immensely she could ignore this imaginary

[00:26:42] crush for years and manipulate me but won't talk to my fiance to help my relationship I told her I was done being her friend thinking back I was always doing stuff for her and she used me but

[00:26:53] did little for me now before we go to the next update we're going to cover some comments starting with it's all mine now who says Sarah thinks it's true too she was confident in her relationship

[00:27:03] and didn't see it as an issue but I'm pretty sure she thought it as well that's why she's brushing you off because she agrees with him but Matt to fuck up your relationship that

[00:27:13] relieves him of the responsibility of thinking you have a crush on him is irony of the highest fucking level he's a prick to say that in front of Jack point out to her that her husband fucked up

[00:27:23] your relationship and you expect them to do something about it or you were through with them have no idea how to heal this with Jack he likely won't listen unless he comes to his

[00:27:33] senses when he calms down the issue is whether he'll communicate with you at all but if he does go full guns on how ridiculous it is that you got them together and would have never done

[00:27:43] that if you were after him yourself meanwhile drop all contact with Sarah and Matt they're just fucking with your life and they sound pretty smug and nasty to me King Casper says I think it's more what Sarah

[00:27:54] said that set Jack off friends usually know each other secrets so Sarah co-signing what Matt said holds more weight than if she had disagreed also it's possible that Matt has made slick comments like this to Jack behind your back loopy response saying yes I think this is right

[00:28:10] I'm trying to get Sarah to talk to Jack and deny this but she's not doing that I don't understand why she won't do this for me the loco says Sarah and Matt are people you do not want in your life

[00:28:22] if your fiance is this insecure I suggest you take a step back send him his ring and tell him that you were waiting till he decides to believe the woman he claims to love

[00:28:31] he also seems like an ass by refusing to communicate I do not see a great marriage if this is how he resolves conflict OP response and I'm quite desperate to not lose Jack but

[00:28:42] I'm also angry about his actions here don't give a shit about Matt but Sarah's lack of care is heartbreaking to me and one more comment from Supreme Minister who says I really feel for you

[00:28:53] OP wasn't a similar situation about two years ago I thought I was a caregiver that it was my personality that it comes easy for me combined with little regard to my own needs or how someone

[00:29:05] reciprocates my care I was very attached to my best friend we lived together worked together made life plans together or platonically but she has a mental illness without realizing it her

[00:29:16] needs and her emotions drove almost everything we did I met my partner two years ago and we bonded very quickly but he wanted me to focus on myself and make time for the couple this caused immense

[00:29:28] pain for my best friend and myself and tying yourself from your relationship with your friend and setting boundaries where there were number four is an extremely difficult process I wish you the best of luck and I'm here to talk if you need so then OP comes in with

[00:29:43] her update which says I wrote a long letter to Jack explaining the entire history of my relationship with Sarah and Matt with the recent screen caps I asserted as best as I could that

[00:29:54] I never pined after any guy and I loved him and he was my only choice after days of silence Jack agreed to talk to me we met and he said that he sees two ways of interpreting the situation

[00:30:06] one Matt and Sarah are right and he doesn't want to be my second choice two they are malicious people who are messing with me that shows very poor judgment on my part that I have a best friend

[00:30:17] like this and he doesn't want that quality in a life partner either possibility leads to the same conclusion that he wants to call off the engagement he reminded me that I've represented

[00:30:28] Sarah as one of the most important people in my life I jump up and help her all the time I once canceled plans with him to take care of her kid when the baby was sick

[00:30:38] had irked him but he had seen it as me being caring and nice but now he's seeing all that in a different light I cried and begged him not to end our engagement but he wanted a break

[00:30:49] for a while I thought over what he said for a few days and came to realize that he was right I was a clingy friend and a doormat I never even saw how much one side of my friendship with Sarah

[00:31:00] was I was a doormat with Jack too I didn't want to get married or have kids this early but agreed to his timelines I gave up an exciting job opportunity with more money because he didn't

[00:31:11] want me traveling for work I love him but I need to fix myself and be stronger I gave back his ring and ended things I returned all the gifts he gave to he was offended by that but

[00:31:23] I didn't feel good about keeping the very expensive things he had given me he makes a lot more than me and was very generous with what he gave me but I can't keep that now

[00:31:32] Sarah was quiet for a while but then started calling me I ignored a lot of her calls but this morning I answered her call and told her about the breakup I was looking for sympathy from my

[00:31:42] old friend she was more interested in knowing if I was still going to watch her kid while she and Matt went on an overnight trip she got pretty angry when I said no I've blocked her

[00:31:52] I've lost my fiancee, my best friend and my relationship with my nephew whom I adored all in one go but still I'm thankful for the comments that showed this wasn't something I could fix and helped me rip off the band aid and walk away from this mess

[00:32:08] yeah absolute cheeky bastard to phone up at the end and like totally ignore a piece and you know I just broken up looking for a bit of support from a friend not forgetting that they broke

[00:32:17] up because of her actions as well and wouldn't help try to fix a relationship at all but then turns around and says oh you're gonna look after my kid tonight right absolute cheeky so and so and

[00:32:29] and I got to say I did like the self reflection from OP realizing they may have been walked over a bit in their life and they're working on a path to learn and to enforce their own boundaries

[00:32:41] which I think is a good thing obviously that's going to be a long and probably difficult path but I'm happy that they're doing that for themselves how about you guys let me know your

[00:32:50] thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story and our next story comes from the Am I the arsehole subreddit from fingers daisy who says I'm I the arsehole for how I

[00:33:01] fought my boyfriend's medical bill going too far my boyfriend had to go to the ER after an accident and he got a truly ridiculous bill back I offered to fight the bill for her because

[00:33:13] I've done it before and he said sure I went all out because honestly if we were out five grand after insurance that would fuck up a whole day plans pretty bad so I had him call the hospital

[00:33:25] and authorize me to handle his bill and access his medical records got an itemized bill and compared the prices for each code to the fair prices called billing to dispute the bill but was told that billion only collects bills I'd need to contact admin to dispute

[00:33:40] oust around a call center for hours trying to get someone who is actually qualified for bill disputes and getting nowhere google and linked in search for the hospital board of directors and upper management got 30 emails of the most influential people at the hospital plus the

[00:33:55] hospital's investors every day would send a few emails work in my way at the chain and writing an increasingly long email describing how they build my client at seven times over the fair price for services rendered and how their bidding department customer service department and the

[00:34:11] growing list of management I emailed had failed to address the issue escalated the emails until I was writing the director level staff for the entire board of directors and a number of outside investors CC'd asking for a written statement regarding their justification for bidding

[00:34:26] at a rate seven times higher than the national average or commensurate services so what is available at other hospitals and sternly laying out the failures to appropriately respond at every level of the company well once I done all that which was honestly only like 15 minutes a day

[00:34:43] they reduced the bill from 5000 to 26 dollars yep 26 fucking dollars well I told my boyfriend the good news and he was first overjoyed and blown away like literally jumping up and down

[00:34:57] and hugging me and saying I was literally a Christmas miracle but then when he asked how I did it I said it wasn't too hard I just had to send a couple of emails each day he was curious what I'd

[00:35:08] said I handed in my phone he started to get stressed and flip him back through other emails which they were like 60 of he told me I went way too far he was expecting me to dispute through their bidding department or something normal and reasonable like that not internet

[00:35:24] stalk every single manager and board member an investor and harass them into dropping the bill I was frustrated because I'd saved us five grand actually made it possible to afford a nice

[00:35:35] Christmas and save money and he was mad at me because I've been a bit of a hard ass I was furious and he was also mad at me saying he authorized me to dispute a bill not basically threaten

[00:35:47] and harass a whole damn hospital for weeks and by the asshole for how I got my boyfriend's medical bills dropped and we're going to head straight to the comments right away with this one

[00:35:56] with Shucky duck who says you are a friggin rock star and should be a damn professional advocate for those who get ripped off in the healthcare like this your boyfriend is so unappreciative and is

[00:36:05] clearly clueless on how diligent you need to be to challenge an erroneous bill when the hospital doctors and insurance companies are unwilling to help you resolve their errors what else are

[00:36:15] you supposed to do so many people just quit and either pay the massive bill or go into debt tell your boyfriend this is the only Christmas gift you are giving him clearly not the asshole

[00:36:28] purple mars alien says not the asshole hospital billing is intentionally screwed up and difficult to address issues I gave birth to my kids 16 years ago they double billed everything and it took

[00:36:38] almost a year to get it all straightened out I pretty much had to schedule hours into my weekly schedule to deal with contesting collections getting it sent back to billing dealing with some other person in billing and etc for the newborn through one year old and while I

[00:36:52] was working full time it was an additional part-time job to fix a damn hospital bill what you had to do is not abnormal and someone asked for some extra information they said so why was the

[00:37:04] boyfriend stressed and why did he think he went too far an op responder saying he felt like it was way too far to basically write an email thrown like 20 employees in departments under

[00:37:13] the bus for mismanagement and see seeing the whole board of directors and CEOs and PR departments or companies that invested in the hospital he felt like I was being really threatening like by emailing

[00:37:23] the investors and their PR team writing in legal s that I wanted a written justification of their billing structure specifically addressing the fact that a service that is on average under $500

[00:37:34] was billed at a rate seven times higher he felt like I was looking like I was about to threaten either legal action or a PR financial disaster so they just paid me to shut the fuck up which to

[00:37:46] be fair isn't a bad read of what I was doing and you know for me it's things are undifferent in the UK with how hospitals are and things like that but I see people putting pictures of their bills

[00:38:00] sometimes like when I think the last one I saw is one time when I felt like I have a heli ambulance or whatever it is and it was like 30 grand bill or something I was like oh my word

[00:38:09] and that was just for the helicopter holy moly anyway I'm going to turn this one to you guys what do you guys make of this situation let me know your thoughts down in the comments below

[00:38:20] and let's move on to another story and the next story comes from a throwaway account who says am I the asshole for last minute uninvited multiple people from my wedding over a joke I 26 female and getting married in February 2023 to my fiance John 29 male we've been together

[00:38:40] for four years before I met him and for the first year and a half of our relationship I live with Tammy 27 female Tammy and I have been best friends since we met at 12 slash 13 Tammy and John

[00:38:53] have a great relationship too this year's with some people in my friend group who I met after John and I got serious for some reason they're all obsessed with the and they were roommates joke

[00:39:04] when it comes to Tammy and I at first it was kind of funny but now it's crossed a line and they won't stop if I casually mentioned Tammy has come along to an outing at least two people will

[00:39:15] make some dirty sex joke about the two of us she hit really hard times during COVID and John and I let us stay in the guest bedroom to the jokes about having a maid wink wink nudge nudge

[00:39:27] it makes all three of us uncomfortable I've tried to get them to stop but because they're my soon-to-be sister-in-law's friends and I'm close with sister-in-law who doesn't make these jokes it's been hard to cut them out or distance because the tangled web of connections I should

[00:39:42] know that I've been very clear that I dislike these jokes and they're being disrespectful to myself Tammy and John well last week we all went out and Tammy came along I was in no mood for

[00:39:53] these types of jokes and made a note in my phone of everyone who made a joke and how many times they said it at the end of the night we all went back to my place and I stood up and pointed out the

[00:40:03] jokesters and said you're uninvited out of the eight people who went with us for what uninvited I made it very clear why I explained it again so there was no confusion before

[00:40:14] who were uninvited left the apartment my fiance is on my side but my sister-in-law is now fuming she's super pissed that I've isolated her from her friends because she's obligated to pick family I said she can still be friends with them as long as they stop the jokes

[00:40:31] edit Christ alive people I'm not dictating her friendships this was part of a much bigger conversation that I was obviously not going to transcribe here she can still be friends with them

[00:40:42] if they make those jokes but the bigger picture was that I'm not going to be friends with them if they continue to make those jokes naturally the people who are uninvited are pissed too and

[00:40:51] there have been a barrage of passive aggressive Instagram posts about it and the money they've spent being wasted I'm either asshole for uninviting them it's a very simple not the asshole from me you know a joke's only a joke if everyone's finding it funny you've told them

[00:41:07] many times that you're not finding this funny you find it disrespectful and rude which it is they continue to disrespect and be rude to you they get the consequences of their own actions we've

[00:41:17] seen it time and time again like you said your sister-in-law can still be friends with these people but they're just not attending your wedding which you are paying for but now we're going to check out some comments to see what they say one from mysterious fro-yo who says

[00:41:32] not the asshole your sister-in-law doesn't get to choose who you have at your wedding these people disrespected your wishes and your fiancée is behind you it's good that you stood up for yourselves and your sister-in-law will get over it oxford comma says not the asshole

[00:41:46] the people who are uninvited for continuing to make inappropriate comments after being told multiple times that you did not like their jokes if they do not respect you enough to retire an old and

[00:41:56] honestly not funny joke then they are not your friends why would you have to invite them anywhere none of your biz says not the asshole this isn't a last minute uninvite you're not getting married until february you told your sister-in-law that she can still be friends with

[00:42:11] them as long as they stop the jokes she can be friends with whoever the hell she wants to be whether they make the jokes or not you don't dictate who she can be friends with regardless

[00:42:19] of their classless behavior with that said f them you made it clear for them to stop the child sbs and knock it off they don't respect you or your friendship enough your sister-in-law

[00:42:30] can be pissed off at you but she can't make you re-invite the jokesters she can go pound sand too and kick a rock good luck and have a lovely wedding henry ertis says not the asshole yes you put her in a position of having to acknowledge

[00:42:43] how uncomfortable her friends made you and she got mad at you rather than standing up for family and decency those people sound like creeps no one who likes you presses a joke well after

[00:42:53] they know you're hurt by it maybe they have a chip about the relationship you're in with sister-in-law's brother but who cares honestly enjoy your wedding and one more from finally infinite who says not the asshole they've constantly disrespected your union with your

[00:43:07] fiance by making all these comments about you cheating on him with tammy why should they get to come celebrate your union with you pta an annoying amount of people seem to think it was

[00:43:17] just a joke justify saying some really lame things to other people but the difference between the joke and bullying is whether or not the target is laughing if someone has expressed that certain comments make them uncomfortable then continuing to make those type of comments

[00:43:31] isn't joking it's choosing to be a dick now i'm going to turn it to you guys how do you think the way this one was handled let me know your thoughts down in the comments below and our next story comes

[00:43:43] from waffles are forever great name titled cheat on me with my best friend i'll wreck your career and publicly humiliate both of you shithead and sarah have been like family to my wife and i

[00:43:56] for several years practically ever since we moved across the street from them the four of us were extremely tight our kids are the same age as theirs and we're all good friends we were one big family

[00:44:09] unit we did dinner together a few times a week we went on vacations together i truly saw shithead as a brother and my wife and sarah were very close too five months ago i was completely

[00:44:21] blindsided by the discovery of an affair between my wife and shithead my wife had left her email open on our computer i saw an email from her to a long time therapist saying that shithead would be joining

[00:44:33] her at an upcoming session again uh what the fuck my mind started racing why in the world would shithead be going to a therapy sessions without my knowledge i did a search and found some other

[00:44:47] emails too and from the therapist proven that shithead had been going to sessions together with her for about six weeks i checked our mobile phone account and discovered that since late summer they'd been exchanging hundreds of texts every day peaking at nearly 500 per day by the holidays

[00:45:04] speaking of the holidays my wife and i hosted both of our families parents siblings etc for both thanksgiving and christmas dinner and shithead and sarah joined us either for dinner or after dinner on both holidays text records show that the entire time that there are house

[00:45:20] celebrating with our families my wife and shithead were texting each other across the room they were doing that pretty much every time the four of us hung out for months and you know all day every

[00:45:31] day just in general but what bothers me the most is the way they were doing it with sarah and i right there i confronted my wife with the evidence and she admitted that yes she

[00:45:42] and shithead had fallen in love it just happened i don't know how but i love him and i just don't feel anything for you anymore i'm sorry they're gone on a school district trip together something

[00:45:54] had happened in a hotel room and things had moved quickly from there she explained as i laid face down on the couch unable to look at her that they had already made plans to move out and divorce

[00:46:05] me and sarah and while they didn't plan to move in together immediately because of the kids they'd probably do so eventually the meetings where the therapist was supposedly mostly for the purpose of finding a way to break this to me and sarah as gently as possible

[00:46:19] because they were so very concerned for our well-being sarah and i are fairly certain that they weren't planning on telling us about the affair at all and we're simply going to discover their feelings for one another several months down the line after they'd come up with some

[00:46:33] other reason to divorce the two of us my wife moved out two months ago i was and still am utterly destroyed i cry every day i cried writing the first few paragraphs of the story just now

[00:46:46] i worry and non-stop about the impact on our kids but i am not exactly a shrink in violet when i feel that i've been wronged and in this case i was objectively very very wronged so a couple of

[00:46:58] years ago shithead ran for a board of education seat as a pretty extreme underdog i helped him with his campaign materials and debate prep and my wife a well-known school district employee this

[00:47:10] becomes important later got the word out as best as she could much to our surprise he actually won in a squeaker i just a few dozen votes being on the board became the center of shithead's world

[00:47:23] he joined every committee that he could this turned into the foundation of his affair with my wife as they were constantly going to school events and meetings together on evenings and weekends

[00:47:33] once i discovered the affair my thoughts turned pretty quickly to revenge and it occurred to me that an extramarital affair between a member of the board of education and an employee of the school district was at least bad politics and possibly violated district policy making things far worse

[00:47:51] for them was that my wife was in the running for an open administrative position and everyone knew that she was more or less guaranteed the job and the major pay rise that came with it

[00:48:02] she just finished a master's degree in school administration have the urging of a principal and the superintendent so that she could be promoted to this specific position i had plenty of evidence of the affair text from both of them admitting to it

[00:48:18] text records showing that they were texting hundreds of times a day emails to and from the therapist etc i considered simply emailing all the evidence to the board and the superintendent

[00:48:29] but i felt like i as the grieving betrayed spouse might not be seen as a credible source so instead i invented a fictitious furious friend who was planning on showing up to the next board meeting

[00:48:40] and publicly shaming the two of them for their affair i told my wife that i tried to talk this person down but couldn't guarantee that they wouldn't show up and humiliate them publicly as i expected this led shithead to conclude that the only option was for him

[00:48:54] to preemptively admit the affair to the board the superintendent subsequently recommended that shithead resign which he did sarah said that he was utterly humiliated and crushed and barely got out of bed for a few days afterwards once word of the affair in shithead's resignation

[00:49:11] started getting around the superintendent a longtime friend of both my wife and shithead contacted my wife and tearfully informed her that it was no longer politically appropriate for her to be promoted to an administrative position within the district

[00:49:25] the position that had been lined up for her was later filled by an outside candidate this sent waves of confusion and rumour throughout the district as it was pretty well known that my

[00:49:35] wife was getting the job the day after she was informed that she wasn't getting a promotion my wife and i despite our crumbling marriage took our son to breakfast together on his birthday and her parents stopped by our table to congratulate her on a new role she said

[00:49:50] thanks and excused herself to go cry in the bathroom for a while i let the dust settle for a couple of weeks and then right before my wife moved out led them in on my little secret it was never a

[00:50:01] furious friend threatening to expose them in the first place just me word of all this has gone around our fairly small town which shithead grew up in and my wife has worked in for nearly 20 years

[00:50:13] my wife refuses to talk to me about how things are at work now but i've heard from some people i know in the district that a formerly spotless reputation has taken a major hit shithead formerly

[00:50:25] a gregarious social presence in our neighborhood and at events and pubs in town has completely gone underground and barely emerges to mow his lawn he's moving out soon to a shiggled townhouse which

[00:50:36] is all he can afford due to all the child support he's going to have to pay his wife my wife and shithead claim that they plan on trying to make things work together

[00:50:44] despite all the public humiliation i wish them lots of luck with that i'm sure it will be a lot of fun to show their faces together in town then op did share a log of the text messages but unfortunately

[00:50:56] that's disappeared since this story however op did start to answer some common questions that was going on so someone asked are you and sarah a thing now you should totally be a thing that would be awesome op responded saying no we're friends we've been incredibly important to

[00:51:13] each other since this all started have certainly gotten a lot closer but not in the way that everyone's thinking this would be all so much harder to deal with if i didn't have her to lean on and she

[00:51:23] says she feels the same way about me we're going through basically the exact same situation with the same players after all shithead hasn't moved out yet once he does we plan to go back to

[00:51:33] getting the kids together more often like they used to it'd never be the same of course she really does come over with the kids from time to time but it's just tough with shithead's

[00:51:42] constant presence across the street someone asked didn't your revenge hurt both sets of kids op responded not really shithead has a day job the board of education was his hobby and his passion

[00:51:55] but this didn't affect his income at all and my wife has been assured that if she wants to pursue an administrative position with another district she'll have glowing letters of recommendation from her superintendent and principal it means giving up a lot of work relationships in the

[00:52:09] process but given the hitter reputation is taken i'm guessing she makes that jump sooner rather than later in the meantime not moving to an administrative job means that she still has summers off with

[00:52:20] the kids someone asked op why do you call her your wife instead of your formal wife op responds saying we're working out way through divorce mediation but it isn't final yet we'll

[00:52:32] be soon someone asks why didn't you notice all the texts in your wife was doing op responded saying well i did it was really starting to piss me off it was excessive she has a big social circle and

[00:52:45] does tend to text a lot anyway it was really getting over the top to the point where she was completely ignoring me and the kids at one point in november i asked her to agree to a

[00:52:55] no phones at the dinner table rule but she agreed to reluctantly but then would pout through dinner and eventually she started using her phone during dinner again all that said i was blind not

[00:53:06] only was the text in getting weird but her relationship with shithead was starting to make me uncomfortable sarah noticed it too and agreed we confronted them a couple of times about it directly and they

[00:53:17] both swore up and down that it was just school stuff they were talking about there was nothing else going on for whatever reason we believe them probably because the mind tends to refuse

[00:53:26] to see things that it doesn't want to see an op continue saying thanks by the way for all the support in the comments i couldn't reply to everyone but i did read them all and i appreciate them even the

[00:53:38] brutally honest feedback from people who feel that i did the wrong thing posting this and reading all the responses introduced me to perspectives i hadn't considered about all of this and reminded me most of all the anguish i'm dealing with is pretty normal given the situation i'm going

[00:53:52] through i had a pretty okay memorial day weekend even though i missed my wife and thought a lot about the things we're probably doing as a family i'm taking my kit camp in next weekend and having

[00:54:03] something like that to look forward to and plan has me feeling pretty good today then op does have an update four years later so op comes in with our update which says i've been getting

[00:54:16] a surprising number of requests to post an update to this story i guess it blew up a bit on tiktok which i don't use where to start it's been a bizarre few years especially with covid

[00:54:26] thrown in the mix which i somehow still have never caught despite my kids getting it twice each thankfully just mild cases well at the time that i posted the original story i was obviously a wreck

[00:54:38] things actually got significantly darker for a while after that my ex decided to start bringing shithead around our kids just a few months after she moved out which was really hard for me to deal with i've never really dealt with serious depression before but

[00:54:53] things got bad enough that my doctor more or less forced me to start on an antidepressant because i admitted to him that i was thinking about suicide pretty frequently i think this is

[00:55:03] where i should mention trigger warning for the rest of this paragraph i had a very specific plan and everything i needed to do it one thing that gave me any kind of relief was telling

[00:55:12] myself that if life got any more unbearable i had a way out so yeah shit got bad but i'm still here and thankfully i don't think about that option anymore i reluctantly decided to dip my toe into

[00:55:25] the online dating world and after a number of short-term things that didn't pan out i actually connected with someone but i've been together for two years next month she's absolutely amazing we don't live together and for the time being we're both good with seeing each other a few

[00:55:40] times a week would i love to see her more yep am i ready to live with someone again and go all Brady bunch with our respective kids i'm not sure for the time being we have a lot of fun together

[00:55:52] and that's more than good enough for me as far as things stand with my ex and shithead they're still together but there seems to be trouble in paradise because my kids report that

[00:56:01] they almost never see him anymore my kids don't like him at all and they just avoid him when he's around according to my older one when all of this started she had seemed confident that they'd

[00:56:11] be living together pretty soon but they still don't and as far as i know there are no plans in the works for that they did buy a boat together which i find hilarious for some reason it just seems

[00:56:22] like the classic affair couple thing to do sara took a long time to accept that her marriage was truly over but once she did she really did an admirable job of moving on she engrossed

[00:56:34] herself in home improvement projects she remains the same incredible mum that she's always been and she's been in a friend with benefits type relationship which is all she wants right now

[00:56:44] with a nice funny guy for almost two years we hang out here and there especially when my pool is open in the summer we aren't nearly as dependent on each other as we were in the beginning

[00:56:55] but we're still close friends and no still nothing more than that which i'm glad about because the one thing the situation definitely never needed was more drama my ex left the school

[00:57:06] district she was looking for and took a job in a neighboring district i have no idea what shithead is up to nor do i care i hardly ever see him except at the occasional school event

[00:57:17] for a while there i was worried that he'd look at me the wrong way and i'd wind up in jail for knocking him out in an elementary school cafeteria or something but i just don't care

[00:57:26] enough about him anymore for that to be a concern so all in all life is pretty okay right now i do miss being a family i still have nightmares about all this stuff and deal with intrusive thoughts at

[00:57:39] times i fall asleep to audiobooks now to keep those thoughts obey otherwise i still struggle to sleep sometimes but my girlfriend is amazing have an incredibly supportive family i just

[00:57:51] officiated my sister's wedding a couple of months ago and i have a big dog who needs a lot of walks and that's a huge help for me on so many levels i hope the update answered people's questions

[00:58:03] thanks again for all of the support edit with dog tax and i know op initially got some revenge in the first part of their story but in their new update where they said they've

[00:58:15] moved on with their lives obviously they're still going through a lot of stuff and i'm really sorry to hear that but that they've moved on with their lives they got a girlfriend and things are

[00:58:24] moving on quite comfortably at the moment it always brings into my head about moving on living a good life and enjoying your life is the best form of revenge and i really hope it continues for op

[00:58:36] going forward especially with waffles off forever what a name anyway what do you guys make of this one let me know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to

[00:58:47] another story and our next story comes from a leaky lou who says am i the asshole for exploding 10 years of repressed rage at my mother-in-law hey so i 27 female and my husband 29 male

[00:59:03] have been together for 10 years i was 16 when i met my husband and being that i had no family in my own i was excited to meet my then boyfriend my now husband's side of the family the first

[00:59:14] meeting went great nick told them i was greek as he was greek and my mum's side is and they reacted by trying to ask me things in greek it was overwhelming at first i respectfully let them know i'm not

[00:59:27] familiar with my mum's side but i'm always willing to learn although disappointed they all understood to impress them however i learned the language enough to have small conversations learn how to cook the food they showed me and just celebrated them like they were my own

[00:59:42] blood family until a question got raised one day where my parents were and who raised me not going to get into it but they were not happy at all with the small information i gave them

[00:59:54] after that i was treated terribly any attempts at greek they laughed at if i stopped learning then they could talk about me in front of my face which they frequently did expecting me not

[01:00:04] to understand until i did understand they called me disgusting nicknames and even blamed me for things that i didn't even do i was the punching bag and although that first nick didn't do anything to

[01:00:15] help he soon started stepping up for me all this was instigated by thea who is the most narcissistic person you could meet very like instagram fake and two-faced another couple of years go by with this bullying and his mum realized that either she joined them in bullying

[01:00:31] me or she would lose her son she really buckled down when i had my first son aticus and though she didn't stick up for me she also didn't join in with them anymore so one day nicks cousin

[01:00:43] brings home a girl lovely girl now this cousin is queen b thea's kid and she was showered in attention and love she isn't greek but they didn't mind months go by and they tried teaching

[01:00:54] us in greek and it was all going well until she also shared that she went through the same state system as me i was so worried for her but they all just smiled and laughed and said

[01:01:03] that we're your family now something in me snapped i had to excuse myself with a smile on my face and sat out front until my husband caught on and we left we live in the same street as

[01:01:15] my mother-in-law so she followed us home soon after and went to have a little go at me for leaving without giving year-year a kiss goodbye i'm a very calm and patient person normally

[01:01:26] and i went off i brutally unleashed on her 10 years of rage and didn't hold back my husband told his mum to go home and then told me i'm an asshole for blowing up at her because i'm jealous

[01:01:37] of jacob's girlfriend i do feel bad but i had to put up with this so much i'm not sure anymore am i the asshole for yelling 10 years worth of repressed rage at my mother-in-law

[01:01:49] and we're gonna start with the comments from brief horror who says not the asshole you tolerate them why if you say because he's worth it i'll vomit no man worth a damn will make

[01:02:00] his wife go anywhere near that cesspool just stop going sure you may get a divorce but being married to someone who likes you is infinitely better hope your reply saying denial honestly

[01:02:12] i was holding on to a picture in my mind that i hope would turn out to be true one day as for my husband i love him and letting go of 10 years isn't easy

[01:02:20] we'll have a conversation with him about me avoiding them from now on until they change their ways or the alternative would be separation rise marbled says not the asshole i don't think

[01:02:32] you're jealous of jacob's girlfriend to me it really is a case of bottleneck that needed to vent maybe that wasn't the most appropriate way to do it but your in-laws had it coming for being so

[01:02:42] racist slash nasty to you dipping my toes says not the asshole they spent 10 years abusing you and now they are unhappy because they have installed a new golden child and you don't appreciate the obvious favoritism the husband is an asshole for continuing to be his mum's

[01:02:57] flying monkey in this situation and you might want to do a bit of reading on the sunk cost fallacy as you evaluate your relationship with him this is a toxic situation and it's never going to get

[01:03:08] better unless he grows a pair and that doesn't seem likely please be good to yourself and think very hard about this situation blueberry says your blow-up wasn't about jacob's girlfriend or jealousy it's about the years of mistreatment that you have suffered and the injustice of their

[01:03:25] double standards of behavior i'd cut way back on contact with any of them that have bullied you assaulted you or not defended you when others have done this to you and i start to look for a

[01:03:35] different place to live far away from them all you deserve to not have such people around you not the asshole and one more comment from which which who says not the asshole you've been treated fairly poorly because the husband's family is judgmental of your family history

[01:03:51] husband is in my opinion not doing enough to step in and mitigate when his mother started joining in it needed to stop or contact needed to be controlled especially now there's a kid involved if your

[01:04:03] son learns enough greek to understand them too then he at best hears them talking about about his mother at worst unequal treatment will extend to him now i'm going to turn this one

[01:04:15] to you guys what do you guys make of this situation what would you advise to op let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and our next story comes from frosty nectarine 2635 who says

[01:04:28] am i the asshole for snapping at my in-laws for saying my husband ruined his life my 36 female husband 36 male comes from a family of athletes they put him in boxing as a kid he was talented

[01:04:43] and they suffered a lot of pressure from his family they wanted him to become professional but my husband never wanted that in high school things got worse for him as the school's coaches were

[01:04:54] brutal and the attention he received from promoters and outside coaches led his family to put more pressure on him the relationship with his family went south when he informed them he was going

[01:05:04] to university and given up boxing for good not true the boxing part i met him a month before we started high school and we've been together ever since when he was 30 his family contacted him to

[01:05:16] try and fix their relationship the relationship is decent the same with me now we took our children on sunday to visit them sister-in-law and her husband were talking about one of my nephews learning

[01:05:28] to play the piano that he is good for his age then mother-in-law said and i quote be careful you don't want to encourage him only for him to quit and ruin his life as my husband's name

[01:05:40] it seemed like mother-in-law forgot i was there and they went silent my husband was out buying some things with his father and his other two brother-in-laws i was calm and asked her how he ruined his life

[01:05:52] his sister got involved and said that's not what mother-in-law meant and i wouldn't understand i replied no i don't understand i don't understand why you wanted to live through him why you never

[01:06:04] listened to him why you never accepted what he wanted why you didn't let him be why you think he ruined his life i don't get it if you think it's because i don't know how talented he was

[01:06:15] you're wrong because i was there even when you abandoned him it wasn't for nothing that he got two scholarships and people were after him i'd understand if he didn't do anything with

[01:06:25] his life but that's not the case he has a degree an amazing career built two different businesses and has a great father and husband he's more successful than all of you combined please tell me how he

[01:06:37] ruined his life or what part i don't understand and i got silence i took our children and left i text my husband that i was going home he arrived shortly after and told him what happened

[01:06:49] and he's not mad to be honest this is the first time i heard these types of comments and i pretty much blew the relationship he has with his family and apparently also caused issues

[01:06:57] with his sister's husbands because they had a different version of why my husband was estranged now to me in this one you didn't ruin that relationship they did by being assholes behind your husband's back and your husband clearly knows what they are like and from your husband's

[01:07:13] point of view now he knows that they're talking behind his back and being awful people like would he want to be around them anyway it kind of had me thinking though why did they want to

[01:07:23] get back into his life if they're just going to talk shit behind his back like that but op added an edit and a small update the same day which said i never expected this much attention and sorry

[01:07:34] for the answer in every comment i will clear some points and give you a small update first of all thank you for the kind words and the awards i reacted on instinct and kind of regretted it

[01:07:44] but my husband reassured me that it was fine he would have done the same thing for me which i know he's all smiles every time i see him i'm sorry for those of you who went through the same thing

[01:07:55] i'm glad you left that horrible situation and that you're doing what you want good job i should have been clearer mother-in-law says he ruined his life because he wasted the chance to be recognized and famous something they always longed for and couldn't achieve on their own

[01:08:10] my husband stopped competing once he finished university and not after high school he had to do it so he could maintain a scholarship the children weren't present when i exploded they were outside playing his sisters lied to their husbands about the reason why my husband was estranged

[01:08:26] they put the blame entirely on him and downplayed what they did someone linked the story about a couple who is dealing with the after trauma and its heart breaking injuries and trauma are

[01:08:36] two of the main reasons my husband never wanted to make boxing his career fortunately he received minimal damage and sees a specialist once a year to make sure everything is fine my husband says that

[01:08:48] over the years he felt something was off so he's not surprised they haven't changed their opinion of him and that they were just faking it to gain access to our kids opi then added

[01:08:57] another small update which says earlier today when we dropped the kids off at school his sisters husbands were there and wanted to hear my husband's version he went to have breakfast and he told them everything from their reaction it was clear that their wives were still down

[01:09:10] playing the whole thing according to one of them his wife is starting to display the same traits as mother-in-law so yeah we agreed to talk on saturday to plan how we're going to move

[01:09:21] forward with our children they go to the same school and are very close we don't want to disrupt their relationship as for his parents we're going to talk to them on saturday to let

[01:09:31] them know how their relationship with our children and us is going to be from now on thanks to all of you again and then there was a relevant comment from op which just said the worst part is that my

[01:09:41] husband's parents didn't want him to go to university they wanted him to go pro right after high school in fact he was able to go to a pretty nice high school and get good education

[01:09:50] because his then coach and him tricked his parents then op adds one more update which says some asked me for an update so here it is during the week we're talking to our kids and ask them

[01:10:03] without being obvious how they have been treated by their grandparents we got positive responses they've been treated well to be clear we talked to everyone on sunday without the kids and my

[01:10:13] husband was the one who did the talking first it was his parents they tried to apologize but my husband cut them short he said that we weren't there for apologies or explanations

[01:10:24] but to talk about their new relationship with us he told them that we are no longer going to take the kids to their house anymore that they will have two visits per month and will be supervised by us

[01:10:34] it will be the ones who plan activities and they have to inform us with enough time so that we can approve them the only time they will see the kids besides their two times is for

[01:10:44] birthdays and holidays to keep their opinions of him or me to themselves as at the moment they run their mouths with our kids present it will be the last time they will see them

[01:10:54] and for us we'll be civil but that's it they agreed and before we left they told us that they are separating to which my husband replied that he doesn't care the visits and rules are

[01:11:04] the same regardless of their marital situation we could split the visits to one each or they could have two together but that's up to them the visitations will begin after the situation is resolved later that day we visited his sisters and their husbands all gathered in one house

[01:11:20] pretty much the same drill but he listened to his sister his sisters apologized and told us that they are going to therapy again they asked my husband if he was willing to go with them at

[01:11:30] some point but he refused he told them that their relationship is way too broken to mend that he harbors no ill feeling towards them and the only thing he will give them is

[01:11:40] common decency that it is good that they're going to therapy again and hopes they take it seriously now because their kids and husbands deserve better with that being said he proposed that

[01:11:51] things continue more or less the same we take our kids to their house and they bring theirs to us but with the exceptions of visits from his parents we explain them the deal with my in-laws

[01:12:01] and that my sisters and parents are still willing to maintain the same relationship but not so much with them any comment from them like the one my mother did and everything will

[01:12:11] stop if they have another plan we could work it out they all agreed with our plan for now everyone is looking to keep things civil for the kids which i think is a good thing anyway my husband

[01:12:23] and i draw lines and we will make sure they don't cross them and then a couple of more relevant comments when asking why the parents are separating op responded saying from what we know it's because he no longer shares the same views that his still wife

[01:12:37] has about my husband but it could be because he is trying to get a better deal from us regarding the kids hard to tell right now then more about the sisters they are two three and four years

[01:12:49] older than him the reason why he doesn't want to try therapy with them is because how they treated him and this situation when they find out my husband was talented they resented him you can change resent with your strongest favorite word a lot because he was

[01:13:04] good and they weren't shy about it after a while they accepted that they would never make it so they started pretending to be nice to him while pressure him the same way their parents did

[01:13:13] to him for him right now they are not really trying to fix their relationship with him but their husband they knew back then that what they were doing was wrong they had 12 years to

[01:13:24] be better these past six years I dare to say they had a friendly relationship he released his bad feelings towards them a long time ago and he didn't develop any this time he tried with them but

[01:13:36] they haven't changed they were pretending like in the past and now I'm going to turn this one straight to you guys what do you guys make of this situation let me know your thoughts down

[01:13:49] in the comments below let's move on to another story and our next story comes from big bumblebee 5795 who says I'm either asshole for not answering any contact from work while on maternity leave

[01:14:04] I work for my cousin we're in the same field but he owns a business I started working for him five years ago and worked my way up to second or third in command at his fairly small company

[01:14:16] I took nine months of maternity leave starting two weeks before my due date my child is now six months old meaning I'm currently in my seven month of leave and I go back to work in about 10 weeks during the last seven months there has been a few

[01:14:30] crises at work they called me and I fixed it they should not have been doing this due to my maternity leave but I didn't mention it because these were legitimate crises and most

[01:14:41] of the time it was my cousin asking however because I'm entering the end of my leave I want some time completely free of work to recharge before I have to dive back in so starting two weeks ago

[01:14:53] I stopped answering my phone at some point it died so I put it in a drawer and haven't plugged it in since I have a landline for emergencies a laptop to keep in touch with people and a

[01:15:03] TV for entertainment so I'm enjoying the break from the phone without issue however my cousin tried to call me about a week ago to help with a client I handle I'd pass this client

[01:15:13] onto someone else but something went wrong my cousin called me to help and because I didn't answer we lost the client I know their contract was up for renewal but I didn't think there would

[01:15:24] be any issue so I saw no reason to check my phone my cousin has told our family what happened he's furious with me for not having my phone turned on when I knew that client would be

[01:15:34] up for renewal he also says that as I've been answering my phone this whole time I should have warned someone that I would be uncontactable I've called the client and tried to fix it but

[01:15:44] they've already signed on with someone else my cousin wanting to stop this from happening again as several more clients are up for renewal in the next couple of months has said I have to be

[01:15:53] more available for the next couple of months so he can call me if there's another issue I have said I am on maternity leave and therefore I should be left alone so I will be leaving my phone off and it's shitty of him to ask otherwise

[01:16:06] my cousin said that I was being selfish and accused me of trying to fuck him over and my mother and aunt agree with him saying that if I don't answer my phone there may not be a company

[01:16:15] to come back to and accuse me of taking advantage of him because he's my cousin as anyone else would have fired me over this I've responded that if my cousin can't run his own business

[01:16:24] without me then he's incompetent and shouldn't be in charge of an omelette let alone a company they said that was uncalled for and told me to switch my mobile on now so he can call me

[01:16:34] if need but I'm still refusing am I the asshole edit why do people think I went away with no plans in place at six months between figuring out I need to leave and going on leave I spent those six

[01:16:48] months assigning my clients to co-workers bringing people up to speed on said clients and even holding meetings when I introduced the clients to their new handlers I worked all of this

[01:16:57] out months ago and we're going to go straight to the comments with Lucy Lou 812 who says oh my god the audacity of this man maternity leave means you take time off away from the job in my country once

[01:17:10] someone goes on maternity leave they're uncontactable and it's not an option to call him to ask them favors or even advice not the asshole op quotes a section and says technically that's how it

[01:17:22] works where we are too but because he's my cousin and because there were urgent issues and because of my rank in the company I felt obligated to help potential gap says everyone sucks here

[01:17:33] you shouldn't have called you on maternity leave but you had been answering the phone all through the previous seven months I don't think anyone can blame him for expecting you to still be taking

[01:17:42] work calls at the end as well you should have just made it clear at the beginning that you weren't going to take any work calls at all Lang G says in quotes accuse me of taking

[01:17:53] advantage of him because he's my cousin as anyone else would have fired me over this and then says no quite the opposite when my wife was on maternity leave the company made sure to shut down

[01:18:03] her email and turn off her access to a network they were not allowed to contact her about work as it is against the law you answer in any question during the leave was a favor to him

[01:18:12] you can actually sue but I assume you're not going to do it because it's family not the asshole they should learn the law not sure how long the fmla extends to in your state but the first couple of favors probably were breaking the law water buffalo says and

[01:18:27] quotes I've responded that if my cousin can't run his own business without me then he's incompetent and shouldn't be in charge of an omelet let alone a company it goes on to say you just

[01:18:37] made an argument for you being fired if he doesn't need you to run his business why is he paying you everyone sucks here he's right that you should have given him a heads up that you

[01:18:46] wouldn't be reachable and your family is right that you may not have a job to come back to if your role is vital to the company elberto says you're the asshole disclaimer no workplace should

[01:18:57] expect an employee of any kind to be contactable during any form of leave be it annual leave sick leave or maternity or paternity leave where I think you're the asshole here though is that by

[01:19:08] not saying from the start that you are uncontactable you created the expectation that you'd be available to some degree you should have nipped it in the bud at the beginning it is also

[01:19:17] perfectly reasonable of you get to a point down the line where you say enough is enough and tell them that for the remainder of your leave you will not be contactable but to just go no contact

[01:19:27] without alerting anyone was not professional so if the real question was actually am I the asshole for not answering any contact from work while I'm attending leave then no you wouldn't have

[01:19:37] been not in the slightest but by your own account that is not what happened you answered some contact from work which you shouldn't have and then from their perspective randomly stopped that's where you became the asshole in my opinion sonny says not the asshole I suggest you start

[01:19:54] looking for a new job right now and put in your notice before going back you are on maternity leave you were supposed to be focusing on your child and not work if your cousin can't comprehend

[01:20:04] that and comes running to you for every time something goes wrong he's not fit to run a company and one more comment from keep who says not the asshole op rest assured please for the love

[01:20:14] of god that the client they lost was not due to your absence I'm sorry I'm sure you are invaluable to the company I'm not debating that but unless yours is a truly mom and pop outfit clients don't

[01:20:27] randomly switch contracts without at least a reasonable explanation they may not share with you but it's usually reasonable you did not cause them to lose the client and your point about the cousin not being in charge of an omelette was actually quite valid

[01:20:40] besides isn't that rich he's so upset that you're so invaluable that without you the company might collapse that he's insulting you and threatening to fire you oh irony now asked abundant on reddit

[01:20:52] today op responded saying I spoke to the clients and they told me the actual series of events which is in a nutshell they went to a meeting and told my cousin they had a better offer from

[01:21:02] another company and they wanted him to match it he said the contract terms wouldn't change and they could take it or leave it they left it he then called me wanting to smooth things over but

[01:21:12] I was unavailable so then op came in to update the post which says first off thank you for the support advice and differing perspectives you provided on my first post most you agreed that

[01:21:24] I should not be working for my cousin I mentioned on the last post that I'd had some offers from competitors and while most paid about the same they required a step down in my career

[01:21:34] a few you pointed out that if I can earn the same money after a step down something isn't matching up I did some research and came to the conclusion that I am being overworked and underpaid

[01:21:44] I also triple checked all my notes for the last seven months of leave and calculated that I worked for 87 days out of just over 200 that was where I hit my limit and then reached out to some

[01:21:56] of the people who had made offers previously and asked if they could give me a formal offer three of them did my favorite has fewer hours and responsibilities and more money and they're fine waiting on me to finish my planned maternity leave nine more weeks before I

[01:22:10] start I had a check-in day scheduled for later this month but pulled it forward to Monday and asked my cousin and a few others to be there I laid out all the above I was open

[01:22:22] to negotiating in a way that would let me stay in the company but cousin flew off the handle and after that we agreed that me staying was no longer an option as I have nine weeks of leave left I will

[01:22:33] hand in my notice meaning I will not come back to work but I will be paid for this time as well as compensated for the leave I lost my cousin has blocked me on everything but his mum has called

[01:22:45] my mum who has been yelling at me for two days I've had to block my own mother my cousin has attempted to rally our entire family against me but I have Nan on my side so he is not succeeding

[01:22:57] I'm never working with family again good old Nan having your back I love to see it and I gotta say I did find it incredibly strange that this guy is the owner of a company

[01:23:08] instead of talking it out in a decent you know logical way he runs to his aunt and mum and our next story comes from unlikely librarian 85 who says I need my husband to agree to moving

[01:23:21] to another city because I have feelings for brother-in-law my female 39 husband male 50 of 11 years and his sister female 41 are very close we meet her and her husband brother-in-law male 40 all the time Sunday dinner is always with them at our or their place occasionally other

[01:23:42] family members join us from my or my husband's side of the family but the constant is us four and sister-in-law's three children I get along very well with sister-in-law and brother-in-law we never had issues I started having feelings for brother-in-law about five years ago I know people

[01:23:59] here would call it emotional affair but it wasn't yet I kept it very secret and nobody noticed I love my husband very much and don't want to ruin our beautiful marriage we are

[01:24:10] awesome together and our bond is strong my feelings for brother-in-law were very confusing at first and I went years without realizing what they were because I love my husband so how can I love another

[01:24:21] when brother-in-law turned 40 they had a big party and I stayed after to clean because sister-in-law had to take care of the children so it was me and brother-in-law cleaning he was still a bit tipsy and he told me that he's been in love with me since I married

[01:24:35] my husband I was shocked he's always been nice to me and complimented me but I never felt anything more I tried to ignore him so he said it again I told him to go to bed he tried to argue but I

[01:24:48] insisted that he went to bed and let me clean by myself he probably knows that I love him too because of something he said wouldn't it be wonderful if we stop pretending and just

[01:24:58] told them we only live once how did he know I cried for weeks afterwards and when my husband saw that I was sad he was very concerned and was so nice to me and it made me cry even more

[01:25:10] the guilt is physically painful I've developed ulcers this happened last summer and ever since I've tried to avoid seeing sister-in-law and brother-in-law but how frequent we met before there was never one good excuse soon my husband was irritated with me accusing me of not liking

[01:25:27] his family sister-in-law called a few times to wonder now she has started saying that I wanted to come between her and her brother because I never liked that closeness I go to the dinners

[01:25:38] and ignore brother-in-law all together and sister-in-law is mad that it feels like I hate her when I actually love her like a sister my husband got a new job offer a city that's 20 hours away

[01:25:49] I want him to take it but it's in a very small town and he's surprised that I a renowned city girl want to move to a small town I don't know what to do I want my husband to take this

[01:26:01] job but I don't know how to convince him brother-in-law text me begging not to do it and he promised not to bother me again but just not to move away it doesn't sit well with me as long as it was one

[01:26:12] sided it felt less serious but now it feels like an emotional affair and I don't want to be in it what can I do and we do have a couple of updates to this post as well but we're going to move

[01:26:23] to the comments with her Grinch and a sues says take the emotions out of it for a minute I'm guessing by the close relationship and frequency of dinners that you are still in your

[01:26:31] hometown how good is this job for your husband's career how about the effect on yours try to make a pro cons list for the good and the bad about the move keeping your feelings out of it focus on

[01:26:43] yourselves maybe you want to expand your horizons small towns can have big community feels you can get a bigger home or land for less money maybe you have hobbies you need more space for

[01:26:54] maybe lower cost of living that you save more so you can travel more all things worth discussing op response saying it's a career jump for my husband but the con is that it's a very small

[01:27:06] and secluded town I can find a job too so it won't hurt my career that's my problem we always socialize with my in-laws every Sunday at least now I know how he feels about me is uncomfortable

[01:27:18] and feels like cheating Drew Silla says wow that's quite the pickle jar you are in so brother-in-law fell in love with you 11 years ago knew him five years ago but both you still love your respective

[01:27:29] spouses yeah not sure how to untangle this one you may be right that the pressure fear of acting on feelings may ease up if you and hubby move 20 hours away this is a tough one oof red man says

[01:27:44] keep in mind this dude was trying to drunkenly confess his love to you whereas wife took care of his kids doesn't seem like he's the best person to be honest rhapsody says years ago I

[01:27:56] a married woman developed feelings for a good friend of both myself and my husband is also married wouldn't necessarily call it love but it was one hell of a crush I did the only thing I could think

[01:28:07] of I told my husband I can't hang out with him anymore here's why he lived a couple of hours away so it was easier to find excuses I always had to work we couldn't find a babysitter my

[01:28:18] husband was understanding gave me quite a bit of teasing and allowed me to back away gracefully from the friendship it took three years for my feelings to go away and even then it was because

[01:28:28] my husband came back from a visit and told me our friend had picked up smoking again after years and years of quitting which is a huge turn off for me I don't know your marriage or your situation

[01:28:39] I don't know if being honest with your husband about your brother-in-law and why you want take a job would help or not but I think my situation was made easier because my husband and I have

[01:28:49] complete trust with each other over the fact that neither of us would ever cheat and one final comment from Naima who says first of all I applaud your level of concern for your husband and the bond

[01:28:59] between you two you seem to care greatly about your husband and you are trying to navigate a very difficult situation with as much grace as possible second you did not do anything wrong feelings cannot be controlled imagine if we could just control what we feel at all times

[01:29:14] would make mental health care obsolete you didn't make this happen it happened to you you are not at fault for what you're feeling don't blame yourself for developing a crush it happens to everyone your situation just makes it very inconvenient but that doesn't mean that

[01:29:29] you aren't allowed natural human emotions I do think that your best course of action here will be to tell your husband we seem to have the idealistic idea of marriage in our society where you marry someone and you never catch feeling for someone else ever again over the

[01:29:44] course of 30 40 50 years obviously the idea is unrealistic and toxic learning about your crush will be hard for your husband but it may allow you to get to know each other even better and to

[01:29:56] develop healthy coping strategies for the case that one of you crushes on a person outside of your marriage which can and will happen should you two remain married for many years to come it's always better to face difficulties head on than to pretend they don't exist

[01:30:11] furthermore affairs please excuse me for labelling that as such I know nothing that is going on between you two feast on the excitement of having a secret if you tell your husband about your feelings

[01:30:23] chances are good they will subside eventually because the thrill of doing or feeling the forbidden is gone and your crush will become duller and duller with time I wish you all the best

[01:30:36] so then op came in to update their post a few days later which said hi was here a week ago read that post because I will not repeat my story I honestly didn't expect to be so judged and hated I read my

[01:30:49] post over and over again trying to understand where there could have been any misunderstanding about me being interested in acting on my feelings there was none so I guess people just wanted to judge which is sad because I've seen how people can be supportive in here

[01:31:03] anyhow I stumbled upon a few kind souls that didn't treat me like I was a disgust in human garbage so I'm here again with an update because my life just got more complicated and I'm so desperate

[01:31:14] those who read my first post know that I haven't talked to anybody about this I want to stress the point that I've never once contemplated acting on my feelings towards brother-in-law

[01:31:24] not even when he confessed he had feelings for me on the contrary when he told me that he was in love with me I was more adamant to do everything in my power to forget him I've never spoken or

[01:31:35] looked his way since that confession and I'm not planning to ever speak to him again either after my post had a talk again to my husband about the job in the little town I told him that

[01:31:45] I wanted the new adventure especially when it came with a 25 increase in the salary the higher up position my husband has been complaining about how he isn't advancing

[01:31:55] in our city I told him this could be the step he needed I'm a nurse and I can easily find jobs anywhere we went because we have a shortage in healthcare staff everywhere the ideas started

[01:32:06] to grow on him he was skeptical because of the distance of our families but he was intrigued he booked a job interview that is supposed to happen on Wednesday if he took the job

[01:32:15] would be relocating around New Year I was so hopeful that I could finally breathe today and it was per usual the day we meet up with family for dinner this didn't happen this week however and I'm spending this Sunday alone my husband is staying with sister-in-law because

[01:32:31] earlier this week brother-in-law broke the news to her that he wanted a divorce sister-in-law is beside herself with shock and my husband is there to try and mediate between her and her husband brother-in-law is refusing to talk to any of them and has

[01:32:45] only been there twice to see the kids my husband told me that now he couldn't take this job because he needed to stay here and support his sister I understand where he is coming from but

[01:32:55] for me all the horror and anxiety is back what can I do I feel trapped like the walls are closing in around me I can't tell my husband my true reasons I've tried so many times but I just can't do it

[01:33:07] I love him so much and I know him very well he will be hurt and devastated we've had issues throughout our marriage with him not being able to perform due to health problems and we

[01:33:17] haven't had sex in over eight years he is so self-conscious about I just can't hurt him about something like this I think my options are now to stay put and support my husband and sister-in-law

[01:33:29] if they brother and sister-in-law can save their marriage in any way then maybe my husband could find a new job opportunity in another city in the future and agree to move if they divorce

[01:33:39] then I won't be seeing brother-in-law anymore OP then updated the post a month later which says I don't know how I feel about this it's probably too early for me to do this horrible thing

[01:33:50] when my sister-in-law just got separated but I don't see any improvement in the horizon please read my other post for context but if you don't want to sister and brother-in-law has separated about a month ago my husband has been busy being sister-in-law's support

[01:34:04] when my husband told me he was not taking the job up north because of sister-in-law's marital problems I understood that and was supportive we've always been close to my sister-in-law and my husband loves his sister and her children I always admired their bond because

[01:34:19] I was never close to my family he stopped spending weekends with me and instead staying with sister-in-law and the children and even several days a week when he doesn't even text me after work that he was spending the evening with the children I didn't mind it because this

[01:34:33] is all new and sister-in-law isn't coping well after the separation I told my husband that I missed him though and that I wanted to be with him and maybe I should tag along some days

[01:34:43] he said that I was being selfish for wanting the attention now his sister needed support I should be more understanding she and brother-in-law have been together since they were very young and she wasn't adjusting well with these new changes I felt horrible and so selfish I thought

[01:35:00] that I should be supportive every Christmas on Boxing Day my husband and I travel somewhere warm and spend two to three weeks it's been our tradition since we met we booked this trip

[01:35:11] months early April yesterday when I was talking about our trip my husband was so surprised he said that he was actually astonished that I thought that we would just go on with our plans

[01:35:21] when sister-in-law's life is turned upside down I told him that this was our thing and that his sister has her own family I wanted my family him I told him that I fully understood

[01:35:33] that she needs his support but I've been very lonely lately he told me to drop the subject today I chatted with a traveling agency to see if I could add my sister-in-law and her children

[01:35:45] I thought that maybe it would be a good change of climate well they would have to take a separate flight but other than that it was possible even with such short notice to add them so

[01:35:55] I called my husband to tell him the news he was very excited when he came home later he told me that his sister didn't agree however so we are staying I asked him why and he said that

[01:36:05] she didn't want to be around happy couples right now it was all I could do to hold back my tears when my husband got that job offer in the small town up north I started browsing job opportunities

[01:36:17] I sent my CV around one hospital answered me a week ago I think I want to take the job after what happened today I just logged in and made an appointment for a job interview

[01:36:27] I know that my sister-in-law is hurting and that my husband is admirable for being there for her this is just all so new for everyone and a big life change for sister-in-law

[01:36:36] and her children but I feel like I'm number two in my own life I feel neglected and unlike I have the supporting role in my own movie I'm leaving my husband I'm taking the new job and

[01:36:48] I will go with the plans and move to that small town and get away from everything and everyone I think I need this new start judge me all you want I know you will and edit for an update

[01:37:00] thank you so much everyone I never expected the amount of heartwarming comments and the awards I've been crying since yesterday reading your beautiful DMs I felt like some of you hit the nail on many details that I've left out and I'm astounded

[01:37:14] and even scared that some of you seem to know my innermost thoughts and fears but then I remember that nobody who knows me in person knows any of this I love my husband I'll probably never

[01:37:25] love anyone like I love him but yes I've been very unhappy for a long time as I said I always admired my husband for the love he has for his sister he basically raised her because

[01:37:35] their parents were having issues and she was left for him to raise when he was a child himself his warmth and compassion is what made me fall for him but does it make sense that

[01:37:46] it is also what's making me miserable I've always known I'm his second but I've always thought that this will change his time first I thought because I'm not family and after I became his wife I thought

[01:37:58] because we don't have children when sister-in-law started having children I felt that I was pushed down the ladder of my husband's priorities I've told him this before and he just told me that I was being ridiculous competing with children I remember telling him that it wasn't just that

[01:38:14] we should be each other's priority because even if his sister loves him he is not her priority and never will be because she has a family now we never agreed on this matter

[01:38:25] I felt like there was some truth in what he said too I was competing with children and his sister besides I thought he would be there when I needed him except he wasn't my mental health

[01:38:37] has been declining this year but he wasn't as warm and compassionate as I always known him to be the very things that made me so much in love with him and these past months since brother-in-law

[01:38:47] confessed his feelings my husband never once tried to listen never once he tried to understand why I didn't want to join them for the usual Sunday dinner and never once told me he was staying with me

[01:38:58] instead since I obviously didn't want to go on the contrary it became something he was bothered about even with my body physically react into my mental state I've developed ulcers and lost crazy amounts of weight and hair I guess him canceling the Christmas trip was just the straw

[01:39:16] I love him but I can't anymore I've spoken to him today before he went to his sister I told him that he has known for months now that I'm unhappy and that I wanted to leave the city

[01:39:26] I told him that I couldn't do it anymore and I apologize that I chose this very inconvenient time when his sister is suffering but I couldn't do it anymore he looked at me and was silent

[01:39:37] and the disappointment in his eyes just broke me he said that he couldn't believe that I have no compassion whatsoever when a family member is suffering and yet I still want to go about my life as usual

[01:39:48] what the world end if we skip that tradition once when he is needed somewhere else I started crying because I couldn't reach out to him and yes if simplified he is in the right

[01:39:58] this looks like me sulking about a trip I told him that I couldn't do this anymore we're talking past each other and none of us wants to understand the other

[01:40:07] he left he texts me now that he never thought me to be selfish and that I should do what I see fit he will not stand in my way I don't know if he will be coming back and now I'm going to turn

[01:40:18] this one to you guys what do you guys make of this situation let me know your thoughts down in the comments below let's move on to another story and our next story comes from nift office

[01:40:30] worker who says am I the arsehole for telling a colleague their disability is not a free pass to be an arsehole and getting them suspended I 29 male have started a new position at the beginning of

[01:40:41] November with a decent sized law firm in my city things have been going great up until this week the first three weeks I have been here have heard lots of horror stories around a member

[01:40:51] of the office we will call Jay I've heard that the last two people that took this position were basically bullied out of the post by Jay and that anybody who makes any complaints to HR

[01:41:02] basically gets told to put up and shut up for two reasons firstly Jay despite not being the most popular person in the office is very good at what she does to the point the company sees her as invaluable

[01:41:14] and secondly Jay is a wheelchair user there's apparently very quick to throw the discrimination card around as soon as something doesn't go her way another key point to this tale

[01:41:25] is that I use a stoma bag and have done since I was a baby anyway this week is the first week I've interacted with Jay as she was on annual leave for my first three weeks with the company

[01:41:36] I was using the disabled bathroom to empty my bag when I started hearing a loud bang in on the door I said one moment and opened the door to a lady in a wheelchair the infamous Jay

[01:41:47] I was berated for about five minutes things such as why is a healthy young man using a disabled bathroom I should be ashamed etc during the attention of everyone in the nearby vicinity

[01:41:58] before she even let me speak I eventually got a word in reminded her that not all disabilities are blatantly obvious and lifted my shirt up to show her my bag she went bright red and I got on with

[01:42:09] my day the next day I go to use a disabled bathroom to find a poster on the door saying wheelchair users only I didn't make a huge fuss but happened to mention to the colleague

[01:42:20] across the table from me have you seen Jay's latest stunt this is the woman who told me to watch out for Jay initially I go home for the day and return the next to an email saying

[01:42:32] to report to HR as soon as I clock in I get in there to be told that I'm receiving a verbal warning as my tittle-tattle in the office caused a huge bust up between Jay and my mentor

[01:42:42] Jay was in the office and smirking all the while I lost my call and told Jay that the only reason she is still in the job is because of how long she had been with the business and that

[01:42:51] she isn't going to bully me out of my position like she had my two predecessors I also told her that I apologize that she had been dealt a bad hand but it doesn't give her the right to treat people

[01:43:01] like shit that she is no longer the only disabled person in the office so she isn't going to keep getting away with her stunts I then told HR about the bathroom incident and what followed

[01:43:11] eventually Jay was suspended pending investigation I must admit I felt great on the day but as the week has gone on I can't help but feel guilty I wanted to teach her a bit of a lesson not put

[01:43:24] her job at risk in times like we are having cost of living crisis etc so am I the asshole oh dear me we're gonna start off with the comments from no trouble who says not the asshole I'm also

[01:43:36] disabled and only need to use a wheelchair on very bad days and often times I don't need to use my crutches indoors so I'll put them out of the way somewhere the amount of shit I've had off people

[01:43:47] is bewildering the audacity of putting wheelchair users only on a disabled bathroom incredibly illegal the reason they're taking it so seriously is they could be sued for having a sign like that

[01:43:58] up at a law firm as well as for a job she's literally driven two people to leave their jobs in uncertain times this karma is her own doing not yours well done for standing up for yourself

[01:44:11] not to mention fellow disabled people some of which may be in your office and you just don't know empty tomah says first of all no one gets to decide who can and cannot use the handicap

[01:44:22] accessible restroom yes priority should be given to those with disability but it can be used by persons without disability if no one else is using it second as others have said that sign is

[01:44:33] illegal if jay wants her own exclusive bathroom she should ask the company for one I doubt she would get it she's a bully and is facing consequences of her actions not the asshole and one more comment

[01:44:46] from dizzy yard who says not the asshole a disability is not more valid than yours and you are absolutely correct that not all disabilities are visible I'd argue that needing to enter your bag was vastly more important than whatever she needed to do in

[01:44:59] what she thought was her own private bathroom you did not get a suspended she did that to herself when she tried to start a fight in the bathroom she continued to double down on a deplorable

[01:45:09] behavior by trying to prevent you from using a stall and is there for people with disabilities there is probably a record of her bullying employees but with little proof in he said she said situations now I'm going to turn this one to you guys what do you

[01:45:24] guys make of this situation you think opi should feel guilty at all let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and our next story comes from wedding throw 1092 and asks am

[01:45:35] I the asshole for being upset over not being a bright maid throw away here because people know my regular account I'm getting married in June I'm going to have my friend Jim as my dude

[01:45:48] of honor and my friend Jane is my bridesmaid Jim and I have been friends since college but my friendship with Jane is longer and a bit more complicated we started to be friends in high

[01:45:58] school where we were friends with two other girls they'll be important later typical teenager and 20 something drama happened and I'm not close with the two other girls anymore one straight up said she didn't want to be friends with me anymore I guess the other friend just followed

[01:46:12] her lead I'll admit that Jane and I used to be closer when we were younger and we drifted apart but I still considered her a close friend when I got engaged I asked Jane to be my bridesmaid

[01:46:24] when I asked she was kind of hesitant she was engaged too and said would probably be planning weddings at the same time and she was worried she wouldn't be able to devote a lot of time to my

[01:46:34] wedding I told her it's going to be super laid back and she wouldn't have to do much and I wanted her there so she agreed planning the wedding had its own ups and downs lots of drama

[01:46:45] from family but Jane has been a good enough bridesmaid my friend Jim has been planning my bachelorette and they both went to see me get my veil I think she could stand to be a bit more

[01:46:56] involved but considering distance and time she's doing enough when Jane first got engaged she wasn't even sure if she wanted to have a traditional wedding she was talking about doing something really small and only inviting a media family and close friends it turns out she

[01:47:12] actually is going to have a ceremony and reception in the fall I awkwardly found out over dinner after pushing her for wedding details that she was planning on having bridesmaid and I wasn't one of

[01:47:23] them she claimed it was because I live far away not really we live on different cities on the east coast and are about to train right away and she didn't want to bother me because

[01:47:33] I'd be busy with my wedding and marriage to make matters worse the two girls I had a falling out with are of course in the wedding it hurts so much since I assumed would all be

[01:47:44] together during our weddings I'm hurt Jane and I went through a lot together and I really wanted to be a part of my wedding I'm hurt that she doesn't feel the same way when I told my mum

[01:47:55] she was shocked and said how rude Jane was my fiancee said it was okay to feel hurt that it was a dick move but that Jane also has a right to have whoever she wants in her wedding

[01:48:06] party am I wrong for feeling like this should I confront her I don't even know if I want her in my wedding anymore and I got to say I kind of agree with fiancee on this one I understand that you're

[01:48:18] going to feel hurt if you've looked at the friendship in this way and you know you've like you said you've been through a lot together and you really thought you'd be a part of each other's weddings or at least you did didn't you and yes you can invite

[01:48:30] her to be a part of your wedding be a bridesmaid but that doesn't mean you're entitled to be a part of her wedding and you said yourself that you drifted apart with Jane over time but

[01:48:39] you still consider her a close friend but that might not be the other way round you live separately now she may have a stronger bond with these other two friends and I know that doesn't make it any

[01:48:48] easier for you and it's going to be hard for you to accept that that may be just the way it is and I'm sorry because I know that's going to hurt but I still don't think that makes you

[01:48:57] entitled to be a part of her wedding but we're going to move to some comments first before the update so we're going to start with Madtown Maven who says you're the arsehole your fiance has

[01:49:06] it right it's fine for you to feel hurt but she can have whomever she wants in her wedding you should definitely not confront her friendships don't have to be equal it's not a tip for tat you

[01:49:18] are sounding exceptionally petty for now being all I don't want her in my wedding anymore heck in your own telling she was being hesitant about being your bridesmaid but you assured her it would be laid back and you'd be cool with less of a commitment

[01:49:31] now you're going back on that because your feelings are hurt you acknowledge you aren't as close as you once were as such this shouldn't be as much of a surprise to you take some time and relax a bit

[01:49:42] acknowledge that it makes you sad but then work on focusing on the fun times you'll share with her at your wedding Mappin around says and quotes she was worried that she wouldn't

[01:49:52] be able to devote a lot of time to my wedding I told her it's going to be super laid back and she wouldn't have much to do and that I wanted her there so she agreed I think she could stand to

[01:50:01] be a bit more involved it goes on to say you aren't the arsehole for being upset but if you confront her about it then you're the arsehole I can understand you being hurt and you still consider

[01:50:11] her a close friend and maybe this is the moment where you realize she may not think of you too as that close but at the end of the day it's her wedding and she gets to pick who her bridesmaids

[01:50:21] are it makes even more sense if the three of them are still very close and you had a falling out with two of the girls OP says well I turned myself into the arsehole she basically confirmed

[01:50:33] that we aren't as close as we used to be and I'm really hurt a deleted user says no one's an arsehole here I 100% understand you being hurt if your friend is still close to your former friends

[01:50:44] and I can understand why she didn't ask you to be a bridesmaid it sounds like she was kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place and you ended up losing out that said I disagree

[01:50:53] with the notion that people are automatically off the hook regarding their wedding decisions because it's their wedding and they can do what they want I mean yeah they can but that doesn't mean they're magically absolved from all social politics and graces it's entirely possible to be rude

[01:51:08] with one's wedding planning decisions OP responded saying I guess it just hurts to be losing out I think it's a matter of distance full disclosure I live in DC and she lives in New Jersey

[01:51:20] and the two people she chose instead of me live closer to her honestly we didn't talk much before this we were both busy with our lives but I still felt this connection with her I think this hurts

[01:51:30] more because I was abandoned by the other two friends we have in common so her choosing them over me really hurts and thank you for that I know it's her wedding and she's the bride

[01:51:39] and blah blah blah but it seems rude as fuck to be in my wedding and ask me to be in hers I feel better knowing that she's in the wrong here in terms of manners A Pauling asks info why did you fall out with the other two women

[01:51:54] OP response saying honestly it was a bunch of dumb teenage and 20-something drama essentially I moved to a city around the same time one of my friends was living there I got involved in her friend

[01:52:05] group and some guy she liked ended up liking me more we dated but he was clingy and got weird when I broke up with him after that the group kind of imploded and everyone blamed me

[01:52:16] after my one friend said she no longer wanted me in her life the other one followed I was supposed to grab dinner with her one day and she delayed because she was hanging out with the one that

[01:52:24] hates me I told her to forget it all and that she didn't have to see me if she didn't want to I'll admit it was a bit dramatic in the past but I've grown up a lot and I hope we could

[01:52:34] kind of forgive and forget we all used to be so close and I miss their friendship so then OP comes in to update the post which says I wanted to update because things have blown up

[01:52:46] this is going to be long I found out about not being in the wedding a little over a week ago so I'd been stewing for a while when I made my last post I was a little dishonest in the first

[01:52:56] post because I was already in the process of confronting her when I wrote it I texted early in the morning I posted and I told her that I was disappointed by a lack of involvement

[01:53:05] in my wedding she replied that she was sorry I felt hurt but that she had warned me about this when I first asked her she also mentioned that she wasn't sure what else I wanted from her she has

[01:53:16] done everything I asked and that it seemed like Jim has everything handled for the bachelor reds and hasn't reached out to her then I texted her about bridesmaid she didn't text me back all day so I called her that evening the conversation really didn't go well

[01:53:31] she said she didn't reply because she was busy at work and honestly didn't know what to say she said that she chose the people closest to her she has known the two friends I had a falling

[01:53:41] out with since childhood and the other two are a college roommates and her other friend from work she lived within the past she said that even when wedding details were murky she knew she'd ask them I told her that I'd always envisioned all of us planning our

[01:53:55] weddings together and being left out of it was very painful her reply hurt she said that she was sorry I was no longer friends with the two bridesmaids in her party she truly wishes me no ill will from

[01:54:07] the past but that they have their own reasons for ending our friendship then she said she was honestly surprised that I asked her to be a part of my wedding and that she wouldn't have even

[01:54:17] been surprised if she didn't get an invite I spoke to my therapist the next day about it she pretty much echoed what people said here and I was putting way too much pressure on Jane

[01:54:27] and was inappropriately using her wedding as a friend reunion oh and my fiancee and I got into a huge fight about the wedding I text Jane after and she was nice and listened to me rant but

[01:54:39] it felt awkward on top of it all I got to see her post a lovely instagram story about shopping for a wedding dress with all her bridesmaids and getting drinks after I'm so over weddings

[01:54:50] I wish I was a loping I'm a little jealous that Jane seems to be having an awesome time planning hers making friends in your 30s is tough but I thought I had a few close ones I could rely on

[01:55:00] but I guess I was wrong so thanks reddit you tried to warn me but I was already set on being the asshole when I posted my advice to people upset about bridesmaids and groomsmen

[01:55:11] don't question their choices and accept whatever role they want you to play in their wedding and we do have some more updates to this one in a second but I got to jump in and just say

[01:55:20] after like the therapist told OP that she was inappropriately using her wedding as a friend reunion and getting plenty of clues from Jane that you know the friendship isn't as strong as

[01:55:32] OP thinks it is to then text Jane and dump all this stuff on her after you had an argument with your fiancee just felt totally inappropriate as well to me don't get me wrong I still

[01:55:42] do feel sorry for OP that after all this time she thought she had a real close friend and then to realize you don't have it it's got to hurt but I also think there's got to be a point where you

[01:55:52] got to accept it as well but OP went on to update their post again which says I wrote a long story in am I the asshole look at my post history if you want details and I feel lost long story

[01:56:05] short I picked someone who I thought was a close friend to be my bridesmaid she's done what she's been asked to do but hasn't gone above and beyond to do anything extra she's also getting

[01:56:15] married later this year I'm invited but I'm not a bridesmaid to make matters worse two people that are falling out with are in her wedding we were all friends in high school we're all in

[01:56:25] our early 30s now and it hurts that they're all still friends and I'm being excluded had a big session with my therapist yesterday and I realized that I kind of strong armed her

[01:56:35] into doing this she tried to say no that she would be too busy with her own wedding to give me the time and attention I needed but I convinced her that it would be fine and that I wanted her to

[01:56:45] be a big part of my day I think that she's a fucking adult and could have said no but what do I know I'll admit I thought we were closer than we actually are in real life we were really

[01:56:56] close in high school but drifted apart after college I still considered her a close friend even though we didn't talk much I just feel like now she has this whole life without me

[01:57:07] with all of these friends and I'm left in the dust even seeing her bridal party makes me jealous I feel like I didn't know who to ask and she has four best friends that are bending

[01:57:17] over backwards for her my friend posted this super cute Instagram story about her shopping with her friends for her dress and celebrating after I got so upset and cried and threw

[01:57:28] my phone across the room I'm angry as hell at her and want to kick her out of the bridal party I feel betrayed and used but I don't know who else I would ask I don't have a lot of friends and

[01:57:40] my made of honor is my guy friend from college why are bridesmaids even a thing the whole idea is designed to make drama and hurt everyone's feelings on top of it all planning the wedding

[01:57:52] has been a nightmare my parents divorced are using it as an excuse to try and out do each other my fiance's family is dysfunctional and don't like me much his mom is a control freak

[01:58:03] and planned everyone else's wedding and she's trying to do the same for mine we keep arguing about the wedding and had a huge blow up about it yesterday but pouring so much money into this

[01:58:12] wedding and I can't wait for it to be over can someone make me feel better post about their wedding drama and how everything worked out in the end I'm at the end of my rope my wedding

[01:58:23] is in less than two months and I'm not excited about it all op then updated the post again a month later which says hey all I don't know if anyone remembers my reddit meltdown from about a month ago but I've been getting some nice messages in my inbox

[01:58:37] asking me for an update the truth is that not a lot has changed and I'm still kind of miserable about the wedding things with my bridesmaids are awkward to say the least I'm kind of embarrassed

[01:58:48] about how everything went down and now I feel like she's kind of keeping me at a distance she has her dress and has been good with updating me on her outfit and texts to chat about how planning

[01:58:57] is going but she's been tight lipped about her wedding if I ask her anything she just says is going good and leaves it at that to make things worse she's in full bride mode with her friends and I keep seeing instagram stories pop up with cute planning details

[01:59:12] it's hard not to feel extremely jealous left out and angry when I see her making bouquets friends and chatting about taco bars for the reception I don't want to say that fight

[01:59:23] ruined our friendship because it's clear we just aren't that close anymore but I really wish I just kept my mouth shut my fiancee's extended family is driving me nuts they're asking about bringing

[01:59:34] plus ones when we're almost a month out from the wedding I'm so pissed because I think it's rude to even ask and that if it was really important they should have brought it up to

[01:59:43] me when they first learned about the wedding my fiancee also doesn't like to talk to me about the wedding anymore he says whenever I bring something up we end up fighting so he'd rather

[01:59:52] just stop talking about it period I know his family is pissing him off too but he refuses to confront them in any way he just says that this is the way they are and that I need to learn how to

[02:00:02] deal with it so here I am about a month out from my wedding with pretty much zero enthusiasm for it things are awkward with my bridesmaid my new family is pissing me off and my fiance has pretty

[02:00:14] much shut down and refuses to deal with anything I guess I updated because I just want a place to rant does anyone have any advice on how not to make my friends wedding hurt me so much any stories about

[02:00:26] weddings that aren't the magic days they thought they were tips for dealing with fiancees that refuse to deal with their insane families and then the op moved back onto the mi the arsehole subreddit with another question asking mi the arsehole for texting an old friend

[02:00:42] to clear the air before a big event some of you may remember me from a thread I posted here a while back about being upset over not being a bridesmaid my wedding has come and gone

[02:00:54] beautiful day despite some drama and hiccups but my friend is coming up and have a new problem the two women I've no longer friends with are obviously planning her bridal shower

[02:01:04] and I'm invited I saw my old friend's name on the invite she's handling RSVPs I panicked a bit I called my friend slash bridesmaid to make sure it was okay for me to come she said of course

[02:01:16] and that she didn't anticipate any drama she claimed that the two friends really had no ill will about what happened and that the day should be fun there'll be a lot of other people there

[02:01:25] to hang out with and it should be a good time I asked if she thought I should reach out to clear the air beforehand she said it wasn't necessary I asked her if she thought it was a bad idea

[02:01:36] she just repeated that it wasn't needed I was feeling really anxious about it so I decided to text both of the friends oh no I said I was married now was excited to reconnect

[02:01:48] and I hope we can put all our differences aside and be together for the bride and celebrate her they responded with general glad you can come can't wait to celebrate bride

[02:01:57] and I was a little hurt I'd hope for something that was more reassuring that the day would be okay and there would be no weirdness when I told my husband how I felt he was shocked that I even

[02:02:08] text them he claimed it felt like the message was actually trying to stir up drama I don't think what I said was inappropriate or rude I don't want my friend's day to be ruined because

[02:02:19] of some petty drama and I don't want to feel uncomfortable during this it's been hard enough seeing my friends post all of the wedding fun she's having I just didn't want to walk into a bad

[02:02:28] situation read it am I the asshole for sending those texts and I've got to say myself and it might sound horrible but the more and more the post went on the more sympathy I lost for this

[02:02:40] situation I understand anxieties I understand meeting people that you lost connection with over time or had an argument within the past but it was reassured a couple of times that they

[02:02:51] had no ill will I mean they invited you that's a bridge in itself you ask again seeing if you should reach out beforehand and you was told it wasn't necessary you text anyway and got you know glad

[02:03:03] you can come can't wait to celebrate the bride and that's it and then you was hurt by that as well that you was expecting more I don't know what you was expecting I'm begging you to come

[02:03:13] I really don't know and for your husband to turn around and say to you you know that the message was actually trying to stir up drama or felt that way and then fairly or not

[02:03:24] it felt that way to me as well but I'm interested in what some of the comments might say on this one and they might not have the context from the previous post they might just be going off

[02:03:32] this post so you have to take that into account as well hurricane says you're the asshole the day isn't about you but it seems like you think everyone is focused on your situation

[02:03:42] your friend said it was not needed why did you ask if you were going to message them anyway I don't think you're not trying to stir up drama but by letting your insecurities affect other people

[02:03:51] it sure does seem like it sailor chibi says no one's an asshole here I don't think you're an asshole for sending those texts but I do think you'll be an asshole if you push it anymore those women respond tactfully and gracefully they are not responsible for

[02:04:05] a sergeant your anxiety over the situation take them at their word go have fun and act like everything is okay contemplative raisin says no one's an asshole here but forget about the drama

[02:04:16] this really is about celebrating the bride so stop thinking about your fears if everyone says that they've moved on then you should too I personally think that message your friend sent you was appropriate the deleted user says no one's an asshole here but I do think you're overthinking

[02:04:31] it I've been in an awkward situation of going to events with people who are former friends and after all is said and done I realized my anxiety was for naught just try to have fun

[02:04:41] I think you have a better time than you expect and one more comment from petty disaster who says not the asshole but you may be making a bigger deal out of this than you need to it sounds like

[02:04:51] everyone is just going to be focused on the bride to be in you're doing your best to move that focus understand feeling uncomfortable but just remember why you are there and now I'm

[02:05:02] going to turn this one to you guys what do you guys make of this situation do you have another point of view on the matter let me know your thoughts down in the comments below and our next

[02:05:12] story comes from STN 0071 who asks am I the asshole for not wanting to name my child after my late husband and just a couple of warnings it does talk about death and alcohol addiction as well me 31 and my current husband 35 recently found out that we're expecting twin boys

[02:05:33] my first husband's mother is livid that we aren't naming one of them after her son a little background my first husband Michael and I were college sweethearts we got married not long after

[02:05:46] graduation and I thought I would be with him for the rest of my life unfortunately we were only married for a couple of months before Michael passed away suddenly it was one of the worst times

[02:05:57] in my life and I never thought that I would ever fall in love again much less get married again or have a family I remained very close with Michael's mom my mother-in-law and she was

[02:06:08] very supportive when I eventually started dating again but long after I met my current husband John I took him to her house so they could meet she was so excited to meet him and

[02:06:19] I remember going to the bathroom and crying tears of relief that she wasn't angry at me for moving on when John and I got married she was so happy for me and on my wedding day she took me aside and

[02:06:30] told me that she knew Michael was happy for me too it meant so much to me to hear her say that earlier this year John and I found out that we were pregnant at first mother-in-law was

[02:06:43] ecstatic making jokes about being a bonus grandma and asking to help plan the gender reveal party and baby shower but then when the subject of names came up she was shocked that we

[02:06:54] weren't planning to name the baby after Michael I explained to her that if it was a boy we were going to name him after John's father I could tell she wasn't happy but she seemed to accept it

[02:07:04] things took a turn for the worst after my 20 week ultrasound and we found out that I was carrying twin boys when I told her the news she flat out told me that I had to name one of

[02:07:14] the babies after Michael or she would never forgive me when I told her that we weren't going to do that she absolutely flipped saying that I was betraying the memory of her son I tried to make her understand

[02:07:27] that as much as I love and miss Michael that chapter of my life is over I feel like it's disrespectful to John to insist on naming one of his children after another man at first John

[02:07:38] said he would be fine with it if it is what I wanted but eventually he admitted that the idea made him uncomfortable I never want to make my mother-in-law think that I've forgotten Michael or

[02:07:48] that he wasn't important to me but I don't want to name one of my children after him either and honestly I don't think he would have wanted me to there are better ways of remembering him

[02:07:58] than giving his name to a child that will never have any real connection to him I tried explaining this to mother-in-law but she just wouldn't hear it she told me that she would never speak to me again if I didn't name one of the babies after our son

[02:08:12] she's been a really important part of my life and I don't want to lose her but at the same time I feel like she's given me an unfair ultimatum and I the arsehole and we're going to head straight

[02:08:24] to the comments on this one with random nurse who says not the arsehole please don't name him Michael your mother-in-law will view him as a mini Michael and everything he does will be because

[02:08:34] he's just like Michael and will be spoiled rotten by her your mother-in-law needs to get into therapy she can't keep living her life as a mother-in-law and grandmother through you she is insatiable says not the arsehole you are showing love to her and your late husband by

[02:08:51] continuing to be in her life and given an opportunity to be a bonus grandma that's amazing on its own but her insisting on your son being named after hers is weirdly like she sees the twin situation

[02:09:02] as an extra baby to kind of replace the son she lost she sounds totally unreasonable maybe the grief of her loss is welling up as she considers the grandson she could have had biologically that

[02:09:13] never came to pass tmd ma says not the arsehole mother-in-law is not really either she's grieving hard here poor lady grief is not one continuous line they get smaller over time with a child parents

[02:09:27] grieve lost milestones as well in this case having grandchildren she sounds like a great mother-in-law in general are you interested in offering her a very different sort of compromise acknowledge that she's grieving a lot of grandchildren with her son and that you want

[02:09:41] her to be a bonus grandma the more people who love a child the better what about something like a tree or two planted in the community park on the day they are born in michael's name or a memorial

[02:09:54] plaque on a park bench near a playground so she can sit through the years to watch the twins play or getting a star name for him when they are born google that one just a few ideas but it

[02:10:04] may help her and help with her grief also try to get her involved with stories of a pregnancy what a son was like as a newborn how things have changed about labor and delivery and the newborn

[02:10:14] care over time and what has not the american academy of pediatrics in the canadian pediatric society have great information pages online about prenatal and baby care that you could look at with her to spark conversation and kettle wise says not the arsehole it is an unfair

[02:10:32] ultimatum and one you shouldn't give into in my opinion yes you may lose her friendship but this demand is inappropriate even more so that the idea makes your husband uncomfortable i wish you a safe

[02:10:43] pregnancy and delivery op and one more comment from son on my shoulders who says not the arsehole i'm so sorry for your loss and i'm sorry you're dealing with us now but your sons are not

[02:10:54] even descendants of michael i think it's extremely reasonable to not want to name one of them after him and have that sad reminder every day name them what you think you should and

[02:11:04] if she cuts off contact know that it isn't your fault it was her choice i hope she'll be reasonable and keep contact with you if that is what you want you can try and say to her but make michael

[02:11:15] a middle name if you're comfortable with that and i kind of agree with a mixture of comments there especially with the first one from what we've heard before where you know if you was to

[02:11:25] name one of your children michael then she may see this baby everything he does as a reminder of michael and don't get me wrong i know she's gonna be grieving like the other comment said she's gonna

[02:11:37] be grieving hard but i'm just not sure if it would be healthy for her as well and i hope she really does see sense in the updates and that this isn't a reasonable request but we're gonna

[02:11:48] go to op's update to find out what happened next so wow blown away by all the feedback and support we are hosting inlaws john's parents so i can only add a short update for now but i promise to leave

[02:12:00] a longer one when they go home in a couple of days but now i just want to address a few things i saw in the comments a lot of you wanted clarification as to how long michael has been gone it will be

[02:12:11] 10 years this october and no michael is not his real name any names that i've included in the post have been changed to protect anonymity a lot of you also wondered why i'm still

[02:12:21] close with his mother after so long i probably should have included this in the original post for context but there are a couple of reasons for this michael was an only child and his father was

[02:12:31] never in the picture and she has virtually no other family left besides a handful of cousins who live across the country over the years she's been my steadfast supporter always the first

[02:12:41] to encourage me to live my life and be happy funnily enough i might not have met john if it wasn't for her a friend of mine had set me up with him on a blind date and i almost backed out

[02:12:52] the only reason i didn't was because my ex-mother-in-law convinced me to go honestly she's the last person i ever would have expected this from which is why i found it

[02:13:01] so hard to deal with a lot of you have said this is probably her being forced to finally deal with a lot of unprocessed grief i think that's probably true i think at some point i stopped

[02:13:11] thinking of her as my mother-in-law and started thinking of her as a friend i thought that she'd come to think of me in the same way but now i'm realizing that at least a part of her

[02:13:20] still sees me as michael's wife i'm hopeful that we will find a way to work it out but i'm prepared to let her go if it comes to that even though it would make me terribly sad

[02:13:33] to those of you who said i should start putting up some boundaries with her you were probably right i honestly thought all of the bonus grandma jokes were harmless at first but

[02:13:41] now i've started to think otherwise i don't want to make any rash decisions yet until we've both had a chance to calm down but as things stand now just a lot of work to do in the way of regaining

[02:13:52] my trust as to where i stand on the name issue i'm not going to name either of my children after michael for those of you who were worried i might cave on the issue don't be it was

[02:14:03] never an option i briefly considered doing something with a middle name but ultimately decided against it i don't want to burden either of my children by naming them after a man

[02:14:12] they will never have any connection to as to how we honor michael's memory every year john and i go to visit his grave on his birthday was actually john who started the tradition the year we got

[02:14:23] engaged and we haven't missed a year since maybe someday when they're old enough would take the boys i don't know how exactly but i'm sure i'll find a way to explain to them who michael was

[02:14:33] and what he meant to me for those of you who asked if this was having a negative impact on my marriage the answer is no john has been my rock through the entire pregnancy and his only concern during this

[02:14:44] all deal has been my emotional well-being i know beyond the shadow of a doubt that if i wanted to name one of these babies after michael that he would let me and never say a word about it

[02:14:54] no matter how much it hurt him which makes me even more determined not to cave on the issue because i refuse to pay his selflessness with selfishness as to where things stand with ex-mother-in-law and i my sister-in-law brother's wife is good friends with her they teach together

[02:15:10] at the same school so right now she's acting as a sort of go-between she says she thinks that ex-mother-in-law is having a long overdue emotional breakdown we both agree that she has avoided

[02:15:21] fully process in her grief and now it's all coming to a boiling point she's pushing hard to get her to see a therapist and i'm hopeful we can salvage at least some of our relationship

[02:15:31] but if not i'll find a way to live with it and finally to the handful of commenters who insinuated that i'm still in love with michael and that i'm not being fair to john let me just say that until

[02:15:42] you've been in my shoes you won't understand michael and i were very young when we got married i loved him very much and he will always always have a place in my heart but john is absolutely

[02:15:53] the love of my life it took me years of therapy but i don't feel guilty about it anymore thank you all so much for commenting and leaving your thoughts it's helped me so much to process things and sort

[02:16:03] out my emotions planning to see my ex-mother-in-law later this week after current in-laws leave and i will be back with an update as soon as possible which we're covering that update right now

[02:16:16] so op starts off i meant to do this sooner but it's been a wild month as it turns out carrying two human beings inside of you takes a bit of a toll and lately i've been feeling it

[02:16:27] as of yesterday i'm at 32 weeks which means we're officially out of the danger zone if the boys decide to come early but hopefully let's stay where they are for a little while longer

[02:16:37] john and i were advised by a friend that we should give them names that mean something to us as a couple so we decided to name them for our favorite tom hanks characters as it was

[02:16:46] our mutual love of the actor that we first bonded hint neither of them will be named forest one of them will be named after a character who starred alongside meg ryan since i made this

[02:16:57] post it has come to light that ex-mother-in-law has a serious problem with alcohol i never realized this before because apparently she was very good at hiding it also i've been told that while she

[02:17:08] has been nothing but supportive and kind to my face she has made some very unkind comments about me and john behind our backs she even told some people that i cheated on michael her

[02:17:17] son with john even though i didn't even meet him until several years after michael died we went no contact two weeks ago and it makes me very sad because michael adored his mother and it would

[02:17:29] break his heart to see her like this because as awful as she's been to me lately i know it's just because she's in pain still i know he would understand why i've decided to cut her out of

[02:17:39] my life i truly hope that one day she'll heal and we can find a way to be friends again and now i'm going to turn this one to you guys what do you guys make of this situation

[02:17:52] let me know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story and i was interested in everyone's responses on this next story so this one comes from itchy smell8152 who says am i the arsehole for telling a six-foot-eight giant to upgrade his seating

[02:18:11] context flight between two major european cities flight cost about 60 euros flight time one and a half hours me 32 male i'm five foot ten and i check into my flights the night before

[02:18:23] i wanted a window seat so i chose a window seat it was not extra but had seen that the cost for extended leg room was about 20 euros this was a larger plane so each side of the aisle had

[02:18:34] three seats so the window middle and aisle i didn't feel the need to get more space because i intended to sleep in this general sufficient space after take off the person in front reclines

[02:18:46] their seat no problem i recline my seat but the guy in the aisle behind but in the middle stops me tells me that he's too big in the chair reclines into his legs this man seated in the

[02:18:57] middle is extraordinarily tall and seated in the middle so his knees extend into the space of both aisle and window seats people on both side of him now have their space invaded by his limbs

[02:19:09] and the entire row in front of him can't recline their seats just spike the aisle in front reclining and invade in their space a total of five people around him have minor inconveniences because of his height i say yeah no problem i won't recline my seat

[02:19:24] but next time you can choose a different seat as to not inconvenience five other people explains that normally the attendants given an aisle seat or upgrade him but they couldn't this time i respond that it isn't the airline's responsibility to give him a seat and if he

[02:19:39] knows he doesn't fit in a middle seat he could have chosen an aisle as there was no chance to choose an aisle seat i'd seen the option the night before or he could have upgraded for

[02:19:48] extended legroom seating for an extra 20 euros he says he didn't have the 20 euros to spend mind you he is flying to one of the most expensive cities in the world i said choosing an aisle option

[02:19:59] is free which he says he didn't have that choice and that i'm being selfish i respond by saying i'm not being selfish i'm fine with having less space so you can be more comfortable but

[02:20:10] pointing out that you are the selfish one for not taking responsibility for other's space and depending on flight attendants they'll put you in better seats he thanks me for my opinion sarcastically and i sarcastically reply that i'm just looking out for his best interests

[02:20:23] and we exchange fake smiles honestly what bothered me was the rent-seeking behavior and the principle of it and i the arsehole and we start off with convoluted username who says i just think recline in seats should be banned full stop so unfair that people should be given

[02:20:39] the opportunity to enroach upon someone else's space and make their flight even more uncomfortable than it already is just to make your own space slightly larger and more comfortable the idea self-appeals to selfishness and i hate that it's a thing admirable says not the arsehole we all have

[02:20:55] our own burdens for him it's being well above average height we're all responsible for our own burdens whether or not is his fault that he's tall it's his responsibility not to expect five other people to give up some of their comfort to improve his comfort twirly flurry says

[02:21:10] you're the arsehole you gave an unnecessary lecture telling this guy how should pick seats on a flight from upgrading to picking aisle seats you also judged him for not already doing these things when you don't know his circumstances or anything about him really

[02:21:24] unsolicited advice is always an arsehole move and you dished it out in spades the only pegasus says not the arsehole he should absolutely pay for additional leg room as it stands he is expecting everyone around him to settle for less space because he is

[02:21:37] unwilling to pay for more it sucks for him that he can't be comfortable on planes without paying extra but that's a fact of life just like how i can't reach how he shelves without using a step

[02:21:47] stool and ret says you're the arsehole you're acting like this dude chose to be six for eight and therefore chose to make everyone around him uncomfortable mainly himself then you assume

[02:21:58] he had the same options to choose a seat you did and then went about lecturing him on his flying choices don't you think he'd have chosen aisle seat if he could he could have

[02:22:07] had a different type of ticket that didn't offer him a seat choice or maybe he had to make a last-minute purchase due to a number of reasons therefore limiting his seat choices but you decided

[02:22:16] to paint his story with your brush and be an arsehole about it that was a one and a half hour flight sorry you couldn't recline and it was nice you not to but you could have withheld the

[02:22:26] lecture and the comments were all over the place some you're the arsehole some not the arsehole some everyone sucks here some blame in the airline but what do you guys make of this situation let me know your thoughts down in the comments below let's have another story

[02:22:43] and our next story comes from suspicious cat 1021 who says I'm the arsehole for not allowing my sister to make her kids food at my house during our Christmas party I come from a broken home so

[02:22:55] we have our Christmas with mum side the first weekend of December I 44 male hosted usually my sister and I switch off host duties my sister has two daughters who are incredibly picky eaters at

[02:23:07] 18 and 15 years old my sister would come to family parties with a box of pasta and a bag of frozen chicken tenders that she will make for her daughters I want to know if I'm the arsehole for what I

[02:23:17] did here I knew that is her drill with them but I've always found it very annoying especially when I'm trying to cook and she's taking up space making the pasta and chicken

[02:23:26] tenders this year I told my wife we will not be letting my sister in the kitchen this year and the girls will have the choice of eating what I prepared or not eating my sister accused me

[02:23:35] of being a cynic and getting joy from watching the girls being uncomfortable I told her they are old enough to eat like adults also the food I make is pretty standard I do a fillet roast barbecue ribs cheesy potatoes stuffed artichoke ready cauliflower ratatouille in a salad certainly

[02:23:52] some of these must be foods that an 18 and 15 year old should be able to eat while the girls sat and ate bread and butter while telling me that my food looked gross I looked to my sister

[02:24:03] to calm them down but told me I deserve this and it's not their fault for being picky eaters I know I could have just let my sister do her thing but it was the principle of the situation

[02:24:13] I'm not sure if I was being a petty arsehole if I had a legitimate reason to be upset edit there are no medical conditions or food allergies edit I made it clear to my sister

[02:24:22] in advance I will not be allowing this she decided not to listen edit three I did not anticipate this blow up I'm willing to compromise if the girls really won't try new things my sister can make their

[02:24:33] food at home and bring it and we're gonna start off with JRM 1102 who says not the arsehole they're 18 and 15 not little kids they can be picky you don't have to accommodate that it's very annoying to have someone come in the kitchen and take enough space when you're

[02:24:48] cooking a big meal wizard says this is how people turn 30 and still refuse to eat anything but pizza and chicken nuggets no one's being forced at gunpoint to eat what you make they can eat before

[02:24:59] or after the party if starvation is such a risk nj says not the arsehole at 15 and 18 they should be able to eat more than just pasta and chicken tenders her opi's comments there's no allergy

[02:25:10] or tolerance they're just picky and rude who sits at a table and talks about how gross the food looks cooking for a family holiday can be so stressful timing everything just right and making

[02:25:21] sure you have the space to cook everything add an in another meal just because they are picky nope opi does not have to do that and purple bowling shoes says not the arsehole but I do think you

[02:25:33] could have compromised a little bit by asking your sister to cook beforehand and warm up the plates in the microwave I love to cook and I really hate people getting in my way so I

[02:25:42] understand why you were annoyed I'm a pretty picky eater too so I get a side of that as well before family functions when I know there's going to be very little I can eat I eat before the

[02:25:51] dinner so I'm not starving it seems like a pretty easy problem to solve for everyone involved now what do you guys make of this situation do you think opi was just being petty or do you

[02:26:03] think you know they was totally valid in their choices here let me know your thoughts down in the comments below and our next story comes from a throwaway account and is titled I found out my

[02:26:14] 31 male ex-wife 27 female cheated on me while she was pregnant now she says I'm emotionally manipulative because I'm cold and distant during custody switches I 31 male found out in my now ex-wife 27 female had cheated on me last year when she was six months pregnant if theirs

[02:26:35] happened before and during the pregnancy she had reasons and excuses and didn't want to get a divorce she wanted to stay together and do couples therapy I told her to go ahead and get therapy but cheating

[02:26:47] was a deal breaker for me so we got a divorce the house was mine before we got married so she moved back in with her parents who had enough room to set up a nursery and give my

[02:26:57] ex the guest room we agreed to an even 5050 split of custody my wife has our daughter Sunday to Wednesday and the original plan was for her to drop her off at daycare on Wednesday morning

[02:27:09] and my nanny pick her up around noon and brought her back to my house where my daughter would stay with me until Saturday night or Sunday morning depending on what worked best for everyone

[02:27:20] then my ex said she thought daycare was misplacing some things she was sending in for her to bring to my house because a few times our daughter came home short some bottles or without

[02:27:30] her binky so ex said she wanted to drop her daughter off at our house directly to make sure all of her things get to me so she started picking her up from daycare on her breaks and dropping her off here

[02:27:42] I work from home on Wednesdays and Fridays even so I'm working when ex began dropping off Nadine at my house it was normal about 12 30 my daughter's nanny a nice old lady from Barbados

[02:27:54] not sure of her age but I'd say late 50s to 60s was the one to answer the door for my ex and take my daughter in her things since I was in my office working

[02:28:03] ex began saying she wanted to speak to me directly when she dropped off she said she felt like she was unloading a lot on the nanny and didn't want her to forget to tell me anything I would be lying

[02:28:14] if I said I didn't still have some resentment and anger towards my ex I don't want my daughter to see that low so when I talk to my ex I try to be as emotionally even as possible just talk

[02:28:25] about things that pertain to my daughter and no more at today's drop off Nadine had a dirty diaper so her nanny took her upstairs to change her my ex asked me how I was doing and I told her I was fine

[02:28:37] thank you and began to walk back to my office she sees herself out she used to live there as I was walking away she says you know I'm getting really sick of your shit I didn't even get

[02:28:47] a chance to ask her what shit she was talking about when she just started freaking out saying I was emotionally manipulating her by being cold and distant that she shouldn't be punished forever

[02:28:58] for her mistakes and how me hating her is the same as me hating my daughter I let her finish yelling and then told her to leave I think my best bet is to go no contact with her again and

[02:29:09] not see her for drop offs anymore but I was looking for some other perspectives or opinions on the matter if you might have them edit I got a paternity test done once

[02:29:19] I found out she's cheated my daughter is mine I almost laughed at the last bit when she said you know that you was emotionally manipulating her yet she turns around and says straight after

[02:29:30] that how hating her is the same as me hating my daughter but she's clearly still trying to get back into your life by turning up at your house and trying to talk to you and I don't blame

[02:29:41] you for not wanting to talk to her at all apart from about you know your daughter that you have together and she needs to realize that if she wants to maintain a okay ish co-parent in

[02:29:51] relationship she needs to back off with the chit chat and just talk about the stuff that's about your daughter and that's it but as always we're going to cover some comments to see what they say

[02:30:00] and we're going to start off with Beppo who says I don't know how no contact would work even sharing of your daughter's time definitely as little contact as possible continue being

[02:30:09] a stone wall you could say you and I don't need to have an emotional connection all we do is handle business with our daughter pine box waiting says it appears that your ex is hoping

[02:30:19] for reconciliation trying to find ways to see you since that's not an option for you returning to no contact is best you'll need to get over a betrayal enough that you can be in the same

[02:30:29] room with her for your daughter's sake but nothing more is required hope he responds saying I can still be in the same room and be cordial to her I just don't want to make small talk and be

[02:30:39] friends but live in Joberg says time to set boundaries that are healthy for you and your child I'd suggest two things one a parenting app keep things extremely civil by forcing both you to only communicate about co-parenting some of them have filters that flag a conversation that is

[02:30:55] going to turn into an argument it makes it super business like and less like friends to no more pick up and drop off at home local police station another public space whatever and if pick up and drop off has to happen at home no entering each other's homes

[02:31:10] even if it was a home at one point it is no longer a home so she needs to be treated like a guest if you deny access then that's it ca girl 17 says yes sometimes cheaters are delusional

[02:31:22] my ex-husband did and still does this I've made myself as clear as day and he still continues to be annoying my advice would be to not respond unless it's in regards to your daughter my

[02:31:33] ex still tries to text like we're cool and I ignore every one of them unless it pertains he eventually gets the hint I'd also go back to having a deal directly with your nanny when she

[02:31:43] does drop offs another thing your ex is sick of your shit because you are not reacting my ex is the same way keep doing what you are doing reaction only gets them more riled up and one

[02:31:55] more comment from Joe mum at 67 who says my brother-in-law has 50 50 split custody with an ex who's extremely manipulative will make the daughter call to ask time to do something

[02:32:05] with mum on his days so he either has to say yes or no to the daughter or look like a bad guy and other use the child actions naturally this is emotionally harmful to his daughter so the court

[02:32:16] set up a message system that is viewed by a third party to handle and document all communications I can't remember what it is called but it was set up by the Guardian that represented the

[02:32:26] child's needs because the divorce was contentious it works like a charm or look into something like that that way the ex can't make false accusations that all make all contacts through

[02:32:37] text or email so you have documentation if she would ever take you back to court do not underestimate the lengths of manipulative ex will go to so then op came in to update the post which says

[02:32:48] first of all I'd like to say thank you to everyone who took the time to comment their support sympathies and advice I didn't get a chance to respond to all the comments but

[02:32:56] I read and appreciate them all there were so many great suggestions someone suggested a website called Talking Parents which I believe is going to be a great resource for my ex-wife and I the thing I

[02:33:07] need to keep reminding myself is that in five or ten years the negative and betrayed feelings I have for my ex-wife will most likely fade but a hostile relationship between the two of us will

[02:33:17] impact our daughter forever because of this I sat down with my ex-wife and had a recorded conversation about our situation I was very open and honest with her I told her that I still had

[02:33:28] negative feelings towards her as my ex-wife but as the mother of my child I would always treat her as civilly and respectfully but we had to have boundaries I told her that we are going back

[02:33:38] to the original plan where she drops her off at the daycare Wednesday mornings and my nanny picks her up in the afternoon we're going to communicate through the website which items should be sent home with her so the nanny can double check to make sure she has everything

[02:33:52] my ex-wife isn't happy I think she was coming to my house in hopes of reconciliation but I told her respectfully but in no uncertain terms that it was never going to happen but I would love to evolve

[02:34:03] our relationship as awesome co-parents to an amazing little girl and maybe one day friends again thank you to everyone who took the time to reply to my post this community has been a

[02:34:15] wonderful resource for me how you all have a wonderful night and there was lots of comments below this one saying they don't think the ex is just going to leave it there they think they're

[02:34:25] going to escalate the situation but as far as we've seen there's been nothing of that at the moment but what do you guys make of this situation let me know your thoughts down in the comments below

[02:34:35] and let's move on to another story and our next story comes from Lucas Lancombe who says am I the arsehole for telling my wife she will respect our daughter not wanting her to meet

[02:34:45] her girlfriend because she made it this way so I have a 16 year old daughter Harley my wife is extremely extremely religious and is very against anything other than what is written in the bible

[02:34:58] I'm still religious but once Harley arrived it got me thinking that what if my daughter does something that doesn't fit into my beliefs my wife however is the exact opposite of me now the conflict about a year ago my daughter said that she likes girls

[02:35:13] she told me first and then we sat my wife down and told her the news she was not happy with it my wife didn't say anything to her and just looked disappointed I was upset at this as long as her

[02:35:25] partners aren't hurting her in any way it's not our place to shame her for that I tell my wife that she cannot try to tear our daughter down because she doesn't agree and she is going

[02:35:35] to have to make a sacrifice for the sake of our daughter and her well-being and to please make her feel supported turns out my wife was going to my daughter and showing her all of these different

[02:35:45] dating apps of only men trying to set her up with guys recommended her to date one of her friend's sons and forced her to go out with him she ended up telling my daughter she was not normal from this

[02:35:56] and she needs to go to confession because this is a phase this went on for months and I had no idea she would stop when I was around my daughter ended up breaking down when I asked

[02:36:07] what was going on and told me everything to say I was angry would be an understatement I'm furious at my wife honestly what she did was so outdated and cruel to the point that

[02:36:18] I was not sleeping with her and I was sleeping in the guest bedroom for a while I couldn't even look at her we went to marriage counseling after this and my wife hasn't changed much she still lets these comments slip but bites her tongue more I guess

[02:36:33] my daughter got a girlfriend and she wanted me to meet her she sat down with both of us and said that she only wanted me to go that she didn't trust my wife enough to not make a comment at this

[02:36:45] as I was getting ready my wife was mad about this saying that she couldn't believe she could exclude her from this I said she shouldn't be she's made our daughter feel this

[02:36:54] way and the only way to fix it is to get over a ridiculous homophobia I told her that she's letting that religion get in the way of the love for her daughter and in a few more years

[02:37:03] she'll be asking why she doesn't talk to her anymore I said until she can show our daughter how much we love and support her she won't interfere with this this is a step forward

[02:37:12] for our daughter and she doesn't get to stomp on that my wife started crying and stopped speaking to me she told our therapist this and he thinks I was wrong because this is

[02:37:21] what she grew up on but I think that's just an excuse for homophobia my family is also saying I'm an asshole so am I so there were some relevant comments where OP gave some additional

[02:37:32] information the first comment from OP said we already see that I don't feel like I'm the asshole however to make it fair I'll tell you what my wife says so to respond to that my wife was

[02:37:42] saying that she felt like I wasn't understanding to her religious beliefs and that this is hard news for her to accept but she's still trying here she says that she has always believed in

[02:37:52] God so I can't just expect her to breach all of her beliefs with this and expect her to not to try to fix it I'm gonna be honest I am not sympathetic to this at all especially because it's been a year

[02:38:05] and this is honestly just heartbreaking to watch a parent not be accepted into their kid but that's no secret but I guess our soul on here always seem to actually be our souls when

[02:38:15] they think they're not our souls so I'm just saying if I really am wrong here someone questioned OP about divorced which his response was I came closer divorce a few times

[02:38:27] after I found the sale I was ready to handle the papers however before I did I did talk to my daughter first this affects her too more than me before anyone questions why I did it when my parents

[02:38:38] divorced I wanted them to talk to me too so I did the same we talked for a while my daughter wasn't fond of the idea of divorce reasoning being that if we did she'd be with me and not

[02:38:49] her mom she feels like us being together gives some hope that her mum will change your decision but if we aren't she fears that she won't change and she won't get a relationship with her and if we

[02:38:59] divorce this was about two months ago so I stopped what I was doing I said that we could try therapy as a family and marital counseling we talked to my wife about it and she said okay however I guess

[02:39:11] I can't really say that anymore because there hasn't been much of a change like we hoped I think my daughter is just accepting that her mum isn't willing to change going to therapy was a bad

[02:39:21] choice and I should have just divorced but I hoped I was doing right and salvaging any amount of relationship they had I wanted the same as my daughter but I guess this wasn't the way to go

[02:39:32] about it all the adult thing to do I realized that and now I guess I just figure out the first step and go from there and the comments were just like pretty much 100 not the asshole

[02:39:44] and then they went on to their update which says I'll jump right into it I talked to Harley's mum I said that number one she needs to go to therapy with someone who doesn't choose someone side and

[02:39:54] someone who helps her see others point of view but I'm not willing to do that with her that's something she needs to do on her own two if she continues this you ruin any chance with her

[02:40:05] and as a mum she made a decision to protect her not be the reason she needs protection three I hope that one and two sunk in because I'm not going to be here to pick up the pieces for a

[02:40:15] shitty behavior and now more than ever is the time to redeem herself if she even can because we are absolutely getting a divorce the most I can say is it was not taken well I talked to Harley

[02:40:28] I explained that we're getting a divorce none of this is on her and it never was but she needs the choice to not deal with us anymore I want her to do the little things and feel

[02:40:37] free to bring around anyone she wants and not be worried of her parents reaction I said this doesn't mean their relationship is over I'll still be right here with her to try and redeem any

[02:40:47] relationship with her mum if she wants me to I know it's a big change but it's no one else's job but her mother's to fix her issues I said again this wasn't her fault and it also

[02:40:57] isn't her responsibility and it was my fault to go on with this she was sad at first but came to terms with this many said to make it clear that this was not her fault I tried my best to

[02:41:09] make sure she understood this I stayed in a hotel for a while and Harley had some fun with my brother I got a little house quick and quickly started moving everything I could Harley got to decorate

[02:41:20] her new room I got her into therapy too her mum is still swearing that Harley is going to hell Harley needs confession she's insulted and cursed Harley in person then tried to act like a sweet caring mother in text and voicemail she tried saying I'm the abusive one

[02:41:36] she said that I was forcing her to like girls she said I was now going to hell I shipped father and husband threatened to take Harley away permanently much more than that I don't think I can put on

[02:41:48] here I think she took this as a challenge as I said before I give Harley the choice to stay with me or 50 50 etc with her age there's a good chance she gets the truth especially given

[02:42:00] the circumstances I think she forgot what it was like to not walk on eggshells after a week she said that she thinks she wants to stay with me and just visit her mum with no sleepovers I've sent a lot

[02:42:12] more of a girlfriend around the house and it's clear Harley is much more comfortable in her own skin and sexuality things are still hectic but looking up overall I've taken most advice we have divorced moved out gone to therapy and just commonly reminding that this isn't her

[02:42:28] fault nor responsibility and there were some more comments below that post from op and it started off with saying I didn't have enough room in there to say it but we do have proof of all the cussing

[02:42:38] out Harley slut shaming homophobia Harley has some recordings of it have recordings of that and some of the conversations too that didn't go so well also found out what those dating apps were yeah no these were legal adults like grown-ass men which she had admitted to

[02:42:55] that I was recording thank goodness I had a pretty good batch of documents and proof but I'm still constantly taking note of everything and all conversations with her and about the custody opi continues as of right now she's with me however with all the videos and evidence of

[02:43:11] what she's done regardless of her age or her opinion on her to be with there is such a small chance she can be granted custody at all she has to prove that for some reason

[02:43:22] Harley shouldn't be in my custody and even when asked she can't say anything but I forced Harley to be gay we have a really good chance at this but let's just hope this goes all right and then

[02:43:33] someone was skeptical about getting the divorce and a house so quickly etc an opi replies that saying never said everything was finalized there's a long court battle ahead at waiting for me

[02:43:43] as for the house you can get a house as soon as a few weeks or one month so yeah I had to move quick did you expect me to stay in a hotel for the next few months can't stay with my brother

[02:43:53] my crazy family is cut off I can't go into my ex's house some people may or may not need to come to the house throughout this I have to show stability my daughter needs a home and our own room what

[02:44:04] else did you expect me to do an opi says I got her into therapy too overall I've taken most advice we're getting divorced moved out gone to therapy and now I'm going to turn this one

[02:44:17] straight to you guys what do you guys make of this situation let me know your thoughts down in the comments below let's have one more story from willing strawberry who says am I the asshole for

[02:44:27] not attending my husband's celebration dinner due to the restaurant not having anything I could eat my husband has been working really hard the last two years to advance at his company he finally got the promotion he's been after I'm really really proud of him his parents are too

[02:44:43] and wanted to take us all out for dinner to celebrate my husband absolutely loves prime rib and there's only one place in our area that serves it so he picked that restaurant thing is I'm not fond

[02:44:55] of steak I'll eat it but very rarely I prefer chicken or fish I looked up the menu before leaving and right now they have a limited menu the place had only one fish entree and two

[02:45:08] chicken entrees and none of them sounded good for various reasons I suggested that he picks some place else so everyone can eat you're a few citing that we rarely get to go to this place but

[02:45:19] go to other places in our area regularly which is true those places have lots of variety so everyone can eat he suggested that I ask if they could prepare the fish or chicken without

[02:45:30] the marinades or sauces but I didn't want to be difficult for the kitchen staff his next suggestion was that I order dessert while everyone else ate entrees and and then when we were done

[02:45:40] he would take me where I wanted so I could eat dinner while he and the kids ate dessert so I opted to just not go because I didn't want to sit there not eating and not having a good time

[02:45:50] while everyone else was my husband asked me to go so he could celebrate with the people most important to him I told him no again and that he needed to get going before he was late

[02:46:01] he did go but came back a little over an hour later with the kids and they all had to go boxes he said he couldn't think of what to tell the kids about why I didn't go when they kept asking

[02:46:12] without lying or making me sound bad so he just got an order for them to go and let the kids spend some time with their grandparents talking in the parking lot I told him he should have

[02:46:21] stayed but he said I put him in a bad spot with the kids and that I knew he wanted everyone there I should have just gone over my picky eating for one night I maintain if he really

[02:46:31] wanted us all to eat dinner as a family then he should have picked the restaurant with a more accommodating menu and I the asshole I'm just going to read one comment from this one from

[02:46:41] tendon in who says you're the asshole selfish and the poor partner don't lie it wasn't that there was nothing you could eat there was nothing you wanted you also were too scared to ask the

[02:46:51] staff for a substitution it's one dinner you won't starve if you don't eat anything on the plate nor will it poison you the husband doesn't get to go to this restaurant he likes often because

[02:47:01] he's honoring your wishes most of the time but you can't deal with it for him one time you basically told your family my food preferences are more important than your feelings or supporting you then you left your husband in the awkward spot of having to try and lie

[02:47:15] for you because if he told everyone the real reason you missed the dinner and he would be calling you an asshole like this entire thread is apologizing learn that sometimes you don't get everything exactly how you want it and pretty much that comment for me

[02:47:30] you know this was his moment his day you said that you would eat steak but it's very rarely so why couldn't this be one of those rare times that you eat steak so it just felt like

[02:47:40] you're not getting what you wanted so you're going to stay home and sulk about it even offered you other options as well about taking you somewhere else you could eat dessert to that place and then

[02:47:49] he'd take you for a main somewhere else afterwards and then they would eat dessert there which I thought was a great compromise but it kind of felt to me like it was your option to make him feel bad by

[02:47:58] not going in and saying oh quick you got to go now you got to go now but I turn it to you guys what do you guys make of this situation let me know your thoughts down in the comments below

[02:48:08] and our next story comes from tradition impressive two who says an IVR soul for refusing to sell the place I bought with stripper money for several years I was a stripper I have no shame

[02:48:20] about what I did and only quit when I got a better job offer in the time I worked as a stripper I intentionally lived as cheaply as possible shitty little studio flat living off ramen wearing

[02:48:32] old clothes because my co-workers all told me that they were able to buy their own places on their income so long as they saved like crazy before I retired I managed to outright buy myself

[02:48:44] a three bedroom flat I rented out the other rooms for a while but I got sick of having roommates so now I have them up online for shorter stays but not to rent I met this guy about 18 months ago

[02:48:57] and we've been together since he knows about my employment history and he said that he has no issue with it although he did ask me to tell his family the white lie I occasionally use on my CV

[02:49:08] and stuff which is that I was a waitress which I kind of was to be fair a month ago we found out that I'm two months pregnant he says this is great news and we should move in together

[02:49:20] assumed he'd be moving into my place because he rents his far smaller one bedroom flat while I own mine and I have room for a baby's room while he doesn't also I really don't want to leave my

[02:49:33] flat it's my flat I love it I could see myself live in there for the rest of my life and I don't want to lose the security of owning a flat and have to go back to pay him rent or a mortgage

[02:49:44] each month however he then said he didn't want to move into my place and said I should sell it and we buy a place together I said that I like my place it means a lot to me that I was

[02:49:55] able to buy it and it represents years of working my ass off scrimping and saving he then said that he understands all of that but we should be living together by the time the baby comes and

[02:50:06] he didn't want to live in my flat I asked him why not it's a great flat it's central to everything it's spacious it's got room for all this stuff there's a daycare in the building run and owned

[02:50:17] by another tenant and a school five minute walk away the list goes on and he said he didn't want to live in a flat that was bought with stripper money that really pissed me off and I told him no

[02:50:31] fucking way am I selling my flat that he never had an issue with my stripper money paying for this flat before now I said I wasn't giving up the security of owning a home for someone who tries

[02:50:42] to make me feel ashamed about something I don't feel ashamed of he said that his point is if I sold the flat then we could get a new place with the money from the sale I said wouldn't

[02:50:51] that still be stripper money and he said that's different and I asked how he then said he was going back to his place because I can't talk to you when you're in this state he's gone back

[02:51:02] to his flat now and he's text me saying I'm overreacting and irrational and I need to think of this realistically rather than emotionally he says he wouldn't feel right raising a child in my

[02:51:12] flat knowing how I purchased it and selling and moving is the best idea of all of us not to mention the fact that he isn't on the deed because it's my place and it would never feel

[02:51:23] like our place because of this I feel I might be the ass because I get what he might feel like it's just my place and I feel I'm being too rigid in a time we need to work together plus I spoke

[02:51:35] to my sister and she sided with him so two out of three people think I'm in the wrong here am I the asshole so obviously this is gonna be a not the asshole to me please do not sell

[02:51:46] your flat for this guy something that you've worked so incredibly hard for and then this guy comes along and he's basically saying he doesn't like your past he's saying this is a part of you that he

[02:51:56] really dislikes and doesn't want it to be a part of your lives at all and not forgetting how like you said how illogical that is that he wants you to sell it and then buy another place with

[02:52:07] the same money and let's not forget telling you that you're overreacting and you're the one who's being irrational so he's gaslighting you at the same time and listen to that I've got to

[02:52:16] say it really peed me off at one point and when he said he's going away because you're being irrational it almost made me want to say instantly right there and then as well you can fucking stay there at the

[02:52:26] same time you know but we do have some updates to this story but before we go there we're gonna cover a couple of comments from this one so the don says and quotes I can't talk to you when

[02:52:37] you're in this state and says again saying I'm overreacting irrational and I need to think of this realistically rather than emotionally then goes on to say not the asshole this is classic gaslighting behavior he also wants to co-own with you at only 18 months into the relationship

[02:52:53] hell no Rendigo says not the asshole sell your place and use the money to buy a new place huh how much would he be pitching in on the new place since he wants to be on the deed so badly

[02:53:05] since he's renting I'm guessing zero this guy's a loser who just can't handle that you've been more successful at life and wants to use you as a leg up Shia horse rider says not the asshole I'm laughing my ass off over here he's okay with

[02:53:21] laundered stripper money but not traceable stripper money now to my thoughts don't sell your flat ever my wife and I have a rental and it's our nest egg maybe rent it out and use the cash

[02:53:32] to pay for your next mortgage but don't sell it it's one way to become wealthy by renting properties and living off the rent I know a businessman who became very wealthy doing this

[02:53:41] my wife and I are doing it because we couldn't sell our old house progressive lens says not the asshole and a big red flag that when he doesn't have a valid argument he calls you emotional

[02:53:51] and unreasonable I can understand not feeling it's his place but does he intend to put up half of whatever you move to or he just wants a place he got to pick out together if he wants to

[02:54:02] put in half and buy part of your place it makes it both of yours or sell and both put equal amounts into a new place then worth discussing the stripper money argument is ugly and also illogical very

[02:54:14] concerning he went there and one more from textile fairy who says honestly I just love the thoughts of a bunch of strippers sitting around backstage discussing proper investing and home ownership not the asshole you're a smart driven woman who's made some brilliant choices

[02:54:29] boyfriend with standing but we've all been there I also think your sister is unreasonable and possibly jealous to side with him opi response saying yeah very early on in the job I made some

[02:54:40] comment about how'd gotten an off campus flat because the cost of campus living at my university was so high and someone went yeah I'm so glad I own instead of rent and I asked how she did that

[02:54:51] and she basically said that I don't get it yet because I knew but most of them either outright bought their homes or bought them with a loan just off money they made there and basically gave me

[02:55:01] all this advice on how to live as cheaply as possible in order to afford my own place in a few years so then opi done a small update on this post which said update on the off chance anyone sees

[02:55:14] this I dumped him it was a whole conversation and during the conversation he said he didn't want to be a parent if I wasn't willing to do everything he wanted including sharing a house slash deed

[02:55:25] but staying together also at the start of the conversation I said what a few people suggested which was that I'd be willing to sell and split the house with him provided he paid 50% and he got

[02:55:36] very very angry very very quickly he also said a few other things so I don't know how it's all going to pan out just yet but it looks like I'm going to be a single mother op then moved on to

[02:55:48] the legal advice subreddit and said recently I found out I was pregnant I'm not on the pill and don't have the implant either due to medical reasons so our only protection was consoms and now two months

[02:55:59] pregnant with his child I own my own flat and have a well-paying job while he owns a failing startup and does agency shifts we talked yesterday someone suggested I recorded all interactions as a few people had already guessed that he might have messed with our birth control

[02:56:15] so I set my phone to record as he arrived during the conversation he initially said that if we weren't together as a couple then he wouldn't want to be in this baby's life and when I said

[02:56:25] we could work out split custody he said that bullshit later in the conversation he said I thought a baby would fix things I responded it couldn't have fixed anything if anything it

[02:56:36] made things more strained with us as the baby wasn't planned and he snapped at me of course it was how do you think you got pregnant fucking magic he then paused and said I mean

[02:56:47] that it wasn't like stop making that face I'm joking I directly asked him are you saying you messed up the condoms and he quietly but audibly says yeah I told him to get out my flat

[02:56:59] and he said look have it don't have it I don't give a shit before he left I later text him saying just tell me why he then called me so I started recording on my mp3 over the phone and he

[02:57:11] admitted he was hoping I'd sell my flat buy a new place with a mortgage and we could give the business a boost I hung up on him hours before the initial conversation I spoke to a

[02:57:21] solicitor who deals with custody stuff regularly so he said it helped me with the custody stuff however he's married to my friend and I love her but she's a bit of a gossip and

[02:57:31] can be a little condescending as in oh poor you so I don't want either of them knowing about any of this if it's unusable my ex was not aware that I was recording at any point in

[02:57:41] either recording and there's no visuals only audio on both recordings we did say each other's names a few times on the first but not at all on the second is this admissible in a custody battle

[02:57:54] is it useful due to the context I feel like he said all these things that would win my case if there was one but if he can't do anything with it then I don't want him knowing about it if

[02:58:04] it is usable and admissible and do I just send it to the friend's husband thanks in advance and a commenter responded to that saying it's likely admissible but to what end what are you looking to get out of it he's responsible for financially supporting the kid

[02:58:19] either way op did respond to that and said I'm worried he might push for 50-50 custody in order to avoid paying child support or ask for majority custody so I have to pay him which he could win

[02:58:31] as he has family while I only have my sister and I have an employment history that could make me look bad or he'll otherwise try to pull something if we end up in a custody case

[02:58:42] after hearing this I want full custody and I'm worried he'll push back in general so then op returned back to the mi the arsehole subreddit with an update and it said quick recap

[02:58:53] on my first post I spent several years working as a stripper at the end of which I was able to buy my own flat I've been with my boyfriend for about 18 months and I'm currently around

[02:59:02] three months pregnant with the news of the baby incoming my boyfriend said he wanted me to sell my place so we could use the money to get a new place together and when I refused he called me

[02:59:12] irrational I thought I was the arsehole because of that plus my sister sided with him now for the update because a lot of people asked for one first off I dumped him initially said that he

[02:59:24] doesn't want to be a parent if we're not a couple but earlier this week he told me he wants majority custody so not only does he not have to pay child support but if he gets majority

[02:59:34] then I end up paying him he actually said that was his reasoning he also runs his own startup and admitted that the startup is basically done for and he was hoping that when I sold my place I could

[02:59:45] also put a cash injection into his business with the money so basically this was all about money for him and I have extensive documentation of all of this there's going to be a legal case

[02:59:56] but I've gotten legal advice and it looks like I'll be able to get sole custody which is what I intend to go for in the last couple of weeks my sister is doubled down and is trying to get me

[03:00:06] to fix things with my ex because a baby should have a complete family so I've not been involved in her in my pregnancy which she is furious about she also told our parents which I am furious

[03:00:19] about so we're not speaking right now I also want to say thank you to everyone who commented on my first post when I first posted between my boyfriend and my sister I was genuinely convinced

[03:00:29] I was in the wrong so to have such an overwhelmingly supportive response really helped me realize that I shouldn't doubt myself so much with that realization plus everything going on right now

[03:00:39] I've decided to go to therapy which I will be starting next week all in all the outcome of this is probably going to be me being a single mother in a flat that I own and honestly

[03:00:50] a pretty decent outcome op then did move on to another subreddit and comes out and says I wasn't sure if I should tag this as a rant or vent or help because I'm panicking and it shows but

[03:01:00] I also need advice so I had a scan today and it's twins the tech said it was hard to tell but she thinks they are identical she also asked how far along I thought I was and I said the number

[03:01:13] I worked out was 14 weeks and I wasn't 100% certain as this was my first proper checkup aside from my GP who said they'd tell me at the scan and the tech said both me and the babies

[03:01:24] were a little big for 14 weeks and that we looked more like 16 she offered me an estimated due date which is the first half of March and said with the twins it can be harder to tell and that didn't

[03:01:36] exactly ease my panic though everything else looked good so that's amazing but twins there's two of them and there's one of me and I think it's just really hitting me right now that I've

[03:01:48] never been a mum before and I have no clue what I'm doing and there's going to be not one but two tiny humans depending on me who are arriving sometime in March when in March it's a surprise

[03:02:00] I have room for twins I have resources for twins I think I have the energy for twins but I'm terrified I have no clue what I'm doing I have three bedrooms so do I put them in separate

[03:02:10] rooms or together my friend offered to stay with me for a little after the birth and I said no so am I going to need to take him up on that is there anything different about having twins that

[03:02:20] I should be aware of aside from there being two of them also what do I do about this window the tech gave me is that normal are they going to be able to narrow it down to any point I know I just

[03:02:32] got out a lot but if anyone has any advice for me on the due date or due window of time or the whole twin situation it'd be really great OP then continued their story on relationship advice

[03:02:45] and said I spent 18 months in a relationship that in retrospect was very controlling and I fell out of contact with a lot of friends because of how my ex felt about them my ex and I broke up

[03:02:57] I was pregnant with twins when we split and I began therapy the therapist got me to reach out to friends I'd neglected they were two in particular that I really missed and decided

[03:03:07] to reach out to first Lily and Caleb they were happy to hear from me and were completely understanding of the situation with my ex I reached out to them in mid-October and it's like we've never

[03:03:18] stopped talking I've been friends with Lily since we were kids and I met Caleb at university nearly a decade ago my ex didn't like Lily because she's bisexual as am I and he didn't

[03:03:31] like Caleb because he's a straight man since October I've been talking to both of them regularly Christmas rolled around and we were all alone so I said they were welcome to come over Lily and Caleb had met before this but they were more acquaintances than friends

[03:03:46] and they became friends over Christmas dinner they and a couple of other friends pitched in and bought me a mixer plus a metric fuck ton of baby stuff for Christmas Lily and Caleb then began

[03:03:57] coming over more often they made a group chat so we could make plans together it helped me put together the nursery Lily drove me to one of my appointments and when I mentioned in passing

[03:04:07] that I was craving ice cream Caleb showed up with four tubs the next day these are just examples but generally they went above and beyond the last few months I went into labor three weeks ago nearly

[03:04:20] a full month early with preemie twins things have been hectic and I wasn't taking visitors for the first week but a few days after coming home they told me in the group chat to open the front

[03:04:30] door and what I did there was a bag containing ready meals and snacks plus a couple of tubs formula when I began taking visitors they would show up together and one of their minds the kids

[03:04:40] were the other cleans the only reason I'm able to write this right now is that they came over earlier Caleb got both girls to go to sleep and Lily left me a meal for tonight I have a weird relationship

[03:04:52] with the concept of asking for help I had to be self-sufficient from a young age so asking other people for help is uncomfortable for me they know this which is why they're not

[03:05:00] waiting for me to ask so much as they are just showing up and helping I've been thanking them profusely but they always tell me not to thank them saying that we're friends so this is completely

[03:05:10] reasonable but I know they're doing a lot more than anyone else would in the situation which prompts the question how do I adequately thank Lily and Caleb for everything they've been doing the last few months where do I even begin an op did receive some advice

[03:05:26] from commenters so one said maybe write them a letter thanking them and telling them how grateful you are you could also plan something like you all going out together or watching a movie or get

[03:05:36] them their favorite snack hope you responded saying a letter is a really nice idea and it would save me from just saying whatever comes out of my mouth lol we have watched a movie

[03:05:47] slash tv show together a couple of times but I've always ended up falling asleep I'm thinking about doing some baking in a bit so I might make them some brownies another commenter says

[03:05:57] you mentioned brownies maybe giving them a surprise sweet treat would be a good idea or if you have the funds maybe a simple bouquet of flowers with a thank you card delivered to their homes

[03:06:07] or when the weather warms up maybe a barbecue where you just say thank you you have some truly awesome people in your life that you're able to just pick up as if nothing had changed when your ex forced a distance make sure you hug them if you're

[03:06:20] into that and tell them thank you you don't have to wait for when they're doing something for you if it was me the surprise hug would be more than enough congratulations on the babies and the family

[03:06:31] you have created with lily and Caleb opi responded saying I think all of these except the barbecue are doable I live in a flat no garden the brownies are done for the next time they come over

[03:06:42] and I look into flowers now they are very into hugging I usually end up cuddling with at least one of them sometimes both lol thank you now the commenter says I don't think you have to do

[03:06:53] anything but say I love you guys and you know I'll be there if you need me right although if you want to totally go nuts you could ask them both to marry you opi responds saying and quoting that

[03:07:06] son says it's tempting to be honest I mean we've been flirting a lot just not sure we're there yet lol and I thought that was the end and I was quite happy with the end in the

[03:07:16] support system that opi is got it sounds absolutely wonderful but then someone in the comments pointed out that opi had another story which said sister wants me to adopt her baby who she has promised to

[03:07:30] our abusive parents I already have twins is this a good idea I have three month old twin girls I've been no contact with my parents for a decade due to them being highly abusive and

[03:07:42] kicking me out as a teen I'm not letting them meet my kids because of this my sister is three months pregnant she lives with our parents and says she intends to continue doing this as she doesn't want

[03:07:53] to raise a child but they want a grandchild so the idea is that they would all live together and my parents would raise the child while my sister was only the mother on paper I called

[03:08:03] my sister to work out a way to get the baby away from our parents she said if I want to take the baby she will allow a legal adoption but that's the only option she will consider

[03:08:14] the biofather is not going to be involved so he doesn't factor in here I have the money to take in a third child and with a bit of adjusting I could make the room I can extend my maternity

[03:08:24] leave to a full year it's meant to end soon meaning that when the newborn arrives I would have three months left of my leave to get settled I am a single mother but I have a strong

[03:08:34] network of friends to help and my job has been very good with me taking leave and my work entitles me to free childcare would pursuing the adoption be a good idea what would potentially

[03:08:45] having nine month old twins and a newborn at the same time look like would being so close in age affect the kids growing up sorry if this is the wrong place to ask this but it seems like

[03:08:56] the most logical forum to go to so then opi was directed to another subreddit to get some more advice and opi said I posted this elsewhere but someone directed me here so I hope this is okay

[03:09:07] I have three month old twins and my sister is three months pregnant she wants me to adopt her child meaning that when my twins are nine months old I may be adopting her newborn giving me three

[03:09:17] under one the three month olds are doing well we got off to a shaky start but they're currently sleeping four to five hours straight so I'm hoping they'll be sleeping through the night soon I haven't had any serious issues despite being slightly premature a couple of weeks

[03:09:32] I've arranged childcare for when I go back to work I'm meant to go back soon but I can either extend my maternity leave to a full year meaning that I'll be off for six months then the newborn

[03:09:41] comes then I have another three months to adjust or I can go back four five to six months and then take a second round to leave when the new baby comes which sounds best I have a three

[03:09:51] bedroom flat and the plan was as the girls got older they would get a bedroom each but if I bought in a third child what would be the setup could they share a room how long for

[03:10:01] would I need to get a bigger place right away or could I hold off and to have a little more in the bank I really want to take my sister's kid in as it's the only way to keep them safe

[03:10:10] but I don't know if having three babies on my hands at once is the best idea particularly when I'm a single parent could anyone in a similar position give me a better

[03:10:19] idea of what three under ones would look like I think I'm doing pretty well with two but a third child who is nine months younger than the others doesn't sound easy to say the least

[03:10:29] any advice or opinion is appreciated thanks Opie goes in another subreddit then asking about a baby name and just says like as an actual full legal name for a human child obviously he could

[03:10:42] go by Percy but I'm really curious about the thoughts on the legal full name Perseus I feel like it's one of those names where I really want to do it I don't want the kid to

[03:10:51] get beaten up full disclosure I am adopting a baby of a currently unknown gender who will be born in a few months then Opie's final post says he's here I'm adopting my sister's son who was born eight

[03:11:06] days ago and he's over two months premature closer to three the birth was meant to be natural but ended up a c-section due to complications but the c-section was still routine with no issues

[03:11:17] doctor said it went as well as it could have overall the doctor wanted to keep my son for a bit longer because he's just so early and they want to be positive it's safe before I take him home

[03:11:27] however because I can't begin the formal adoption for a few weeks still and with the you know what restricting visitors this means I can't even visit him I would post a pic here

[03:11:37] but I don't even have a picture to show you I've only seen him once immediately after the birth my sister is allowed to see him as the birth mother but she's only been once I was meant to

[03:11:47] be able to take him home yesterday but they asked to keep him longer and run a few more tests I'm either going no information or incredibly limited info because despite being his mother and him

[03:11:58] coming to live with me once he's released because it isn't on paper yet and I didn't birth him they're not allowed to give me the same information that my sister is getting I'm angry and frustrated and tired and anxious and while my partners are trying to calm me

[03:12:11] it's not working I just want him home safe and that was the last sort of like full post that was found but someone did mention that they saw in a comment of op's at one point that

[03:12:23] from more recently that they mentioned that they have three children so the people are suspecting that that she does have a little boy now but what an absolute time it was almost

[03:12:34] like a bit of a movie in this one is that op's beginning and how she lived frugally to get together house that she owned then she had to deal with this boyfriend who didn't want her to have it

[03:12:43] gas litter and this guy tampering with the contraception and her falling pregnant but it was the like the no hesitation at all from op that really struck me in this one you

[03:12:53] know sister's pregnant and op was like yeah I'll adopt the baby just like that it didn't seem like there was much there was much consideration is like I need that baby to be safe I'll adopt the baby

[03:13:04] end of kind of thing obviously op had their worries along the way because who wouldn't be worried three children under one holy moly but now I'm going to turn this one to you guys

[03:13:15] what do you guys make of this situation let me know your thoughts down in the comments below