Wife Gave An Ultimatum After Wanting To Keep My Mancave Will Make Her Dad Homeless r/Relationships

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[00:00:36] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories.

[00:00:42] And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe then notification bell too.

[00:00:48] I don't know where that comes from. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:54] Now today's first story comes from a throwaway account from the Relationship Advice subreddit.

[00:01:00] We have a fair few updates to this post as well and it's titled,

[00:01:03] Wife 37 Female and I 40 Male are arguing about her father 65 male moving in with us.

[00:01:10] What should I do? There's a lot of background here so I try to keep it to what's relevant.

[00:01:15] Married 10 years, dated 3 before that and we have 2 kids.

[00:01:19] Her parents are divorced. A mum comes from a wealthy family and when her parents got married

[00:01:24] her family did a lot of legal and financial stuff and pre-nups and stuff to keep the money safe.

[00:01:29] Growing up her mum was busy a lot and was the primary breadwinner.

[00:01:33] Her dad really was the one who raised her. He was the one who took her and picked her up from school

[00:01:38] who helped her with her homework and went to her shows, plays, games etc.

[00:01:43] When she was 12 it turned out her mum had been having an affair and it led to her parents divorcing.

[00:01:49] This is where her mum's family's money comes in. They were able to afford very good lawyers

[00:01:54] and her money had already been locked up tight. So she wound up with custody and he left the marriage

[00:01:59] with not very much to his name and since he had spent so much time raising her

[00:02:03] he neglected his own career. He struggled after that.

[00:02:07] My wife has a fraught relationship with her mother.

[00:02:10] She never really forgave her mother for the affair, the divorce and her destroying his life.

[00:02:15] When she was a teenager she chose to move in with her dad.

[00:02:19] So that's a bit of background. She remained close to her dad to this day.

[00:02:23] He's been an active part of our lives and he spends a lot of time with our kids who both love him

[00:02:28] but he's been struggling.

[00:02:30] Covid was really hard for him because he really couldn't work.

[00:02:34] He fell behind on his bills and he's been struggling to catch up ever since.

[00:02:38] He's now about to be evicted. My wife wants him to move in with us.

[00:02:43] She says it's absolutely unacceptable to her for him to be homeless when we have a basement.

[00:02:48] We can move him into.

[00:02:50] The thing is, the basement is my space.

[00:02:53] It's set up to be my retreat and now she wants to turn it into a bedroom for him.

[00:02:57] We've been arguing about this because she says she won't allow him to be homeless.

[00:03:02] My point is he won't be homeless. He has a place he can go with his sister

[00:03:06] but she lives on the other side of the country.

[00:03:08] My wife hates that idea.

[00:03:10] She says she wants him to be a part of her and our kids lives

[00:03:13] and not on the other side of the country.

[00:03:15] He's not a bad guy. I don't hate him or anything.

[00:03:18] I just want some space for our family.

[00:03:20] My wife's position is that he is family and he can help with the kids.

[00:03:24] She's accusing me of caring more about my man cave than the well-being of her father.

[00:03:29] That's an exaggeration.

[00:03:31] He isn't going to be homeless. He can move in with his sister.

[00:03:34] This argument is starting to become pretty ugly now

[00:03:37] and she's threatening to take the kids and move out to find a place with him

[00:03:41] if I won't agree to let him move in here.

[00:03:43] I resent that threat.

[00:03:45] I'm starting to wonder if this is really a hill I should die on.

[00:03:49] On the other hand, I'm shocked and angry that my wife seems ready to throw away

[00:03:53] a whole marriage over this.

[00:03:56] Now, I'm not sure if this is a good take or a bad take

[00:03:59] because I'm sure some people will fight for their space, etc.

[00:04:03] But I feel like if I was in that position

[00:04:06] and my hypothetical father-in-law was in this struggle

[00:04:10] my wife expressed how much he means to her, etc.

[00:04:13] You know that guy's my family as well.

[00:04:16] And he sounds like a good chap and I myself have a man cave

[00:04:19] and I would give that up if need be.

[00:04:23] No one said it was permanent.

[00:04:26] The threatening to take the kids did also rub me the wrong way

[00:04:29] that obviously you know you need to have a deep serious conversation here.

[00:04:33] But Garden Gnome says

[00:04:35] you do care more about your man cave than both your wife and father-in-law.

[00:04:38] Yet another TV.

[00:04:40] You can hang out in your bedroom. Jesus dude,

[00:04:42] your solution involves your wife never seeing her father

[00:04:45] and your kids growing up without him

[00:04:47] so you can go and sit in your basement occasionally.

[00:04:49] Holy shit.

[00:04:51] Kara says are you kidding me?

[00:04:53] First of all, before we touch on the father-in-law part

[00:04:56] where is wife's basement-sized relaxation space?

[00:04:59] Does she have one?

[00:05:01] Second, he's a staple in your children's lives.

[00:05:03] You're willing to make that disappear

[00:05:05] because if he is on the other side of the country

[00:05:08] he's not going to be with them.

[00:05:10] You'd be robbing your children of the time left with him.

[00:05:13] Third, you'd be robbing your wife of the time remaining with him.

[00:05:17] I'm so mad at you and I don't even know you.

[00:05:20] Eleanor likes Vodka says are you for real?

[00:05:23] Your position would be easier to understand if you had no room

[00:05:26] but you do.

[00:05:28] Let me ask you something.

[00:05:30] Does your wife have a space in your home that is exclusively hers?

[00:05:32] That she can retreat to in order to rest or practice her hobbies?

[00:05:36] If the answer is no, why doesn't she?

[00:05:39] Why are you the only one who gets the luxury of having such a space?

[00:05:42] Why is your man cave, let's be honest that's what it is

[00:05:45] more important than housing the man who raised your wife.

[00:05:48] Why do you get to monopolize a whole basement that is solely for your benefit?

[00:05:52] This is a hill worth dying on, for her.

[00:05:55] Maybe this is the first step towards realizing she's married to a very selfish man.

[00:05:59] You reply to that saying, no because my wife doesn't work on call

[00:06:02] and a high pressure job as a surgeon like I do.

[00:06:05] She doesn't need space to unwind after she loses a patient like I do.

[00:06:09] Oh, dear me dude.

[00:06:11] You tit.

[00:06:13] Pretty green feather says as a surgeon married to a surgeon

[00:06:16] you suck.

[00:06:18] Get off your high horse and realize you're not nearly as important as you think you are.

[00:06:22] Pro-Way says super simple.

[00:06:24] If you have a loving relationship with your own parents

[00:06:26] imagine if it was your dad on the verge of becoming homeless.

[00:06:29] If you don't then it will be hard for you to understand

[00:06:32] and you might end up in a divorce.

[00:06:34] Assume your wife will learn from her own mum

[00:06:36] and she will end up with house, kids and a dad in the basement.

[00:06:39] Expect similar conversation in 20 years between your kids and their partners

[00:06:43] where you will end up.

[00:06:45] He replies, haven't spoken to or seen my dad in 22 years.

[00:06:49] I could not care less if he was homeless

[00:06:51] and I wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire.

[00:06:54] For all I know he could be homeless now

[00:06:56] and I'll just laugh and tell him he deserved it.

[00:06:59] I don't plan to see my father again until he's in a coffin

[00:07:02] and I will only go to his funeral and deliver a eulogy

[00:07:04] to remind everyone what a garbage person he is.

[00:07:07] And a final comment from CKM who says

[00:07:10] she watched her mother strip her father of everything,

[00:07:12] even her, and she was powerless to help.

[00:07:15] Today she has the chance to help because it's within her power.

[00:07:18] This is important to her for this reason alone

[00:07:21] with the other reasons you admitted to.

[00:07:23] She doesn't have to sit back and watch him suffer today.

[00:07:26] This is the reason she will leave you

[00:07:28] because you're robbing her of the opportunity to help her father today.

[00:07:31] Do not think for one minute that she will not divorce you

[00:07:34] because she will.

[00:07:35] You are losing the following,

[00:07:37] your wife, your children, your home, your happiness,

[00:07:40] money for the child support and alimony.

[00:07:43] That room is more important than all of these things

[00:07:45] than by all means say no.

[00:07:47] Not only will you lose these treasures

[00:07:49] but oh yeah, you will lose the space anyway

[00:07:51] because you won't be in the house but he will.

[00:07:54] So OP leaves like a mini update on that post

[00:07:57] and says I'm going to talk to my wife about getting him

[00:07:59] an in-law suite in our yard

[00:08:01] and he can stay in permanently

[00:08:03] and give up the basement until we can build it.

[00:08:06] The comments have helped me play out

[00:08:08] how the most likely scenarios would go.

[00:08:10] Just so everyone knows who's side you're all taken here.

[00:08:13] She's a spoiled rotten princess

[00:08:15] who grew up with a silver spoon in her mouth.

[00:08:18] Everything she has was given to her

[00:08:20] between my salary and the trust fund her parents left her.

[00:08:23] She doesn't need to work but she does anyway

[00:08:26] and complain she needs her dad to help with the kids.

[00:08:29] I'm a surgeon and she's an interior designer

[00:08:32] which one of us contributes more to humanity.

[00:08:35] She's a shallow, vapid woman

[00:08:37] who decorates houses while I'm saving lives.

[00:08:40] Nah, come on now.

[00:08:43] So the top comment after the update said

[00:08:46] why would you say such terrible things about your wife

[00:08:48] in public like this?

[00:08:49] Or because people on Reddit are pointing out

[00:08:51] that you're in the wrong in this situation

[00:08:53] and could choose to behave better.

[00:08:55] You actually respected your wife.

[00:08:57] You wouldn't be this comfortable putting her down publicly

[00:08:59] when you know she's going to read it.

[00:09:01] Your disdainful words about her

[00:09:03] gives off the impression that you don't want to reconcile

[00:09:05] or compromise with your wife

[00:09:07] but that your priority was just to receive validation

[00:09:09] of being right so that you could continue

[00:09:12] neglecting your kids without improving.

[00:09:14] So, you like you might have seen on the thumbnail

[00:09:17] wife did discover this post

[00:09:19] and posted their side of things

[00:09:21] and said my husband is a surgeon.

[00:09:24] According to him he's the most important person in the world.

[00:09:27] A God among men who casually determines life or death

[00:09:30] and it's far, far too important to be bothered

[00:09:32] by the trivial concerns of us mere peons.

[00:09:35] Concerns like maybe you should spend more time

[00:09:38] with your fucking kids but I'll know.

[00:09:41] You see, he works so hard

[00:09:42] and has so much pressure that when he's home

[00:09:44] he has to be squashed from the annoying sounds

[00:09:46] of our girls playing or you know,

[00:09:48] being happy to see him.

[00:09:50] My dad has picked up the slack.

[00:09:52] He's been the one that's changed their diapers.

[00:09:54] I drop them off at school and go to work.

[00:09:56] Dad picks them up and stays with them till I get home.

[00:09:59] My dad was the one who taught them to ride a bike.

[00:10:02] My dad is the one who shows up to the plays

[00:10:04] in dance recitals.

[00:10:05] He's the one that helps with the homework.

[00:10:07] My dad is the one who dresses as Santa.

[00:10:09] My dad is the one who does the Easter egg hunt

[00:10:12] and the tea parties.

[00:10:14] My husband is far too important for any of that

[00:10:17] and despite the fact that my husband

[00:10:19] has absolutely no interest in our kids

[00:10:21] he's still pissed that the kids are closer

[00:10:23] to my dad than him.

[00:10:24] So my dad is now struggling financially.

[00:10:27] We have the means to help him

[00:10:29] but my husband doesn't want to.

[00:10:30] He'd rather see my dad move to the other side

[00:10:32] of the country and removed from our kids' lives.

[00:10:35] I put my foot down

[00:10:36] and he goes on to read it to whine about it.

[00:10:38] While now I'm here too dear.

[00:10:40] If you want to whine about our marriage on Reddit

[00:10:42] I can do it too.

[00:10:45] And there was some comments to the wife's side of things

[00:10:48] you know, was skeptical on the whole post now

[00:10:50] because whenever you see two sides of things

[00:10:52] people are always like

[00:10:53] oh is this real? Is this real?

[00:10:55] Whereas I like to live in my own little world so

[00:10:57] some of the top comments were replies from the wife says

[00:10:59] so Blades of Grass Dewdrop says

[00:11:01] your dad's a great dad and grandpa

[00:11:03] your kids will know that.

[00:11:05] Wife says the kids love him

[00:11:07] he's been a daily fixture in their life since they were born

[00:11:09] they know him better than they know their father

[00:11:11] I'm not a stay at home parent

[00:11:13] I also have a job

[00:11:15] I'm also the only parent in this marriage

[00:11:17] everyone acts like I'm not working full-time too

[00:11:19] but I still manage to make time for the kids

[00:11:21] I get the kids up and dressed for school

[00:11:23] my dad picks them up and stays with them until I get home

[00:11:26] kids get out at 3 I'm home by 6

[00:11:28] my dad is there to pick the kids up and stays till I get home

[00:11:31] husband has no part in this.

[00:11:35] Sad significance says

[00:11:37] in my opinion his concern about the children

[00:11:39] preferring their grandparent over him

[00:11:41] indicate a genuine desire to connect with his kids

[00:11:44] Wife says

[00:11:46] I've heard this before but nothing ever changes

[00:11:48] he complains and then tells me he has to go out of state

[00:11:50] to do some medical conference

[00:11:52] and we'll talk about it later

[00:11:54] and we never do

[00:11:55] he just text message me now

[00:11:57] I have surgery we'll talk about this tonight

[00:11:59] yeah he always has surgery when we need to talk about this

[00:12:01] it's like clockwork

[00:12:03] it never fails

[00:12:05] abstract lifeform says

[00:12:07] I don't see you complaining about the lifestyle he's afforded you

[00:12:10] Wife says

[00:12:12] everyone keeps acting like it's all his money

[00:12:14] well it isn't

[00:12:15] I work too

[00:12:16] and my family helped us with the house

[00:12:18] and his medical school debt

[00:12:20] Avertly Girl says your family helped with his debt

[00:12:23] and he's not willing to even budge

[00:12:25] what the fuck

[00:12:27] then the wife left a comment on the husband's post

[00:12:29] which is now all of it's been removed

[00:12:31] basically it's all been deleted so all this was recovered

[00:12:33] and it said

[00:12:35] I'm done

[00:12:36] this isn't about the man cave or the space

[00:12:38] and you know it

[00:12:39] we have the money to help my dad

[00:12:41] we have a seven bedroom fucking house with a pool

[00:12:43] and a movie theater

[00:12:44] this isn't about space or money

[00:12:46] this is about you being petty and jealous

[00:12:48] that the girls are closer to my dad than you

[00:12:50] get this through your thick fucking head

[00:12:52] that's your fault

[00:12:54] for nine years everything else in your life has been

[00:12:56] more important than the girls

[00:12:58] you work 70 hours a week

[00:13:00] and when you're not at work

[00:13:01] you go golfing with the people you work with

[00:13:03] or you're at a medical conference with the people

[00:13:05] you work with

[00:13:06] or you're dragging me to some fundraiser

[00:13:08] with the people you work with

[00:13:10] when you are at home

[00:13:11] you need to sequester yourself because

[00:13:13] the sound of my children playing annoys you

[00:13:15] you seem to conveniently forget that

[00:13:17] they're your children too

[00:13:19] you only seem to remember that part

[00:13:21] but I want to move my father in to help me with our girls

[00:13:24] it's amazing how you can be so smart

[00:13:26] and so fucking stupid at the same time

[00:13:28] you're upset the girls love dad more than you

[00:13:30] and you're such a petty and small man

[00:13:32] that your solution is to ship him off

[00:13:34] out of our lives and break our girls hearts

[00:13:37] but you don't plan to actually be a part of their lives

[00:13:39] you just want my dad gone

[00:13:41] I won't fucking let you take him out of their lives

[00:13:44] the family is me, the girls are my father

[00:13:46] your family are the people you work with

[00:13:49] and you'll marry to your job not me

[00:13:51] well you can have it

[00:13:53] don't come home

[00:13:54] stay at the hospital

[00:13:56] or go to your horse house

[00:13:58] yeah I know about her

[00:14:00] I don't fucking care anymore

[00:14:02] I'm done trying to make this marriage work

[00:14:04] I'm done begging you to be a father

[00:14:06] the girls won't miss you anyways

[00:14:08] you've never shown an interest in their lives

[00:14:10] and I'm done letting you hurt and neglect my children

[00:14:13] it deserves someone in their lives that loves and cares for them

[00:14:16] and shows interest in them

[00:14:18] you don't

[00:14:19] you want to drag this out on to Reddit then fine

[00:14:21] let's do this on Reddit

[00:14:22] I'm divorcing you, we're done

[00:14:24] go save the world, you're free

[00:14:26] you're worse than your parents

[00:14:28] they may have been weird and misguided

[00:14:30] but they were a part of your life

[00:14:32] now he wants to talk about this in private everyone

[00:14:34] now he has a problem with this being on Reddit

[00:14:36] you're the one who brought it here honey

[00:14:38] deal with the bed you made

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[00:15:23] and they're the best doctors in the world

[00:15:26] so around two days later the wife updates again and says wow this all blew up

[00:15:50] I was so angry when I posted this now I'm just drained

[00:15:53] he came by yesterday to pick some things up and we argued

[00:15:56] the girls were out with my dad because I knew this would be a fight

[00:15:59] and I didn't want them around for this

[00:16:01] he said awful things just awful about me, my dad and the girls

[00:16:05] after he left I talked to my mum

[00:16:08] we have a difficult relationship but if there's one person I want in my corner

[00:16:11] going into the divorce it's her

[00:16:13] the divorce is happening

[00:16:15] I saw an attorney my mum recommended today

[00:16:18] I'm really really glad I went through with that pre-nat my mum wanted

[00:16:21] when we got married now

[00:16:23] at this point I won't speak to my soon-to-be ex husband

[00:16:26] my lawyer is doing my talking for me

[00:16:28] I'm exhausted, thank you everyone for all the support

[00:16:31] it helped to read comments and no people supported me

[00:16:34] he made me feel so small and stupid yesterday

[00:16:37] and he said awful things about our girls

[00:16:40] I'm not mad anymore I'm just heartbroken

[00:16:43] our girls deserve better than this

[00:16:45] I really wanted better for them

[00:16:47] I just wanted to have a family and a nice home

[00:16:49] now I'm just going through a divorce like my parents

[00:16:52] I never wanted this

[00:16:54] I tried so hard to keep all this together

[00:16:56] so we didn't wind up here but I failed

[00:16:59] below that post Opie had a comment about how they

[00:17:02] initially met and said

[00:17:04] when I met him he was in medical school and working as a paramedic

[00:17:07] he moved into my apartment and I covered the expenses

[00:17:10] so he could quit working and focus on medical school full time

[00:17:13] he didn't have a problem with me being an interior designer then

[00:17:16] and he didn't resent my trust fund

[00:17:18] when it was paying for our apartment

[00:17:20] my mother says what was his self-admitted reason for marrying you

[00:17:23] Opie says cash

[00:17:26] another commenter says why not pay dad's outstanding rent

[00:17:29] Opie says you have to understand this

[00:17:32] was not about space or money like he claimed

[00:17:34] his goal was to get my father out of our lives

[00:17:37] my dad leaving our lives was the solution he wanted

[00:17:40] any solution that kept him in our lives he had a problem with

[00:17:43] he wasn't like this when we met

[00:17:45] and in defense of my mom for as difficult as things have been with us

[00:17:48] over the years I don't question that she loves me

[00:17:51] we had had our differences in our fights but when I need her

[00:17:54] she comes through like she is now

[00:17:56] and like she did with the wedding

[00:17:58] and God bless her for her foresight in having a prenup made

[00:18:01] what she did to my dad will never sit right with me

[00:18:04] but she's in my corner and right now

[00:18:06] I'm glad to have both my parents in my corner

[00:18:08] I don't want the girls living with someone they are afraid of

[00:18:11] it was only tolerable because of how little he was around

[00:18:15] Dutch says I understand the feelings of failure

[00:18:18] when getting a divorce it's how society and culture has set us up

[00:18:21] I always said I never considered divorce

[00:18:24] contemplated murder though so sometimes failure is good

[00:18:27] I felt I failed getting a divorce

[00:18:29] but I felt being free from other society's demands also

[00:18:33] you picked this man who believed his promises

[00:18:36] he didn't deliver on being a good dad and husband

[00:18:39] he failed his children you his wife himself

[00:18:42] and he tested being a decent human being by bad mouthing his children

[00:18:46] you failed maybe but without this marriage

[00:18:49] you wouldn't have these children

[00:18:51] that's more than a silver lining

[00:18:53] somewhere in the future there might be another better suited SO

[00:18:57] my mother a widower waited until my sister and I left for uni

[00:19:00] Hope he says I don't think my failure was in having my kids with him

[00:19:04] it was in keeping this marriage together

[00:19:06] and giving him a home and family he actually wanted to come back to

[00:19:11] two months later OP comes in with another outdance

[00:19:14] says hi everyone I'm back

[00:19:16] my husband is now my ex husband

[00:19:18] our state you only need 30 days between filing and judgement

[00:19:21] we both agreed divorce was best

[00:19:23] he moved out New Year's Day and has never been back

[00:19:26] my original post sort of went viral

[00:19:28] and it was reshared on TikTok and Facebook

[00:19:30] and our family and friends were ended up seeing it

[00:19:32] my lawyer recommended I stop posting about the divorce until it was finalised

[00:19:35] well the divorce is done now

[00:19:37] after he moved out we both retained our lawyers

[00:19:39] and most of the divorce was handled through them

[00:19:42] we didn't speak much until we went into final arbitration

[00:19:45] and signed the agreements to bring to the judge

[00:19:48] about a week after I retained my attorney

[00:19:50] I had my attorney, his attorney and some movers meet at my house

[00:19:53] to inventory everything that belonged to him

[00:19:56] including his man cave

[00:19:58] pack it up and ship it out to a storage unit

[00:20:00] his lawyer arranged

[00:20:02] I didn't want to give him any reason to come after me for anything

[00:20:04] I know people wanted me to nail him to the wall

[00:20:07] but I really didn't want a long and bitter divorce

[00:20:10] he wanted to go

[00:20:12] I wanted him gone and we both wanted it to happen as soon as possible

[00:20:15] turns out he was offered a job in another state

[00:20:18] and he wanted to take and was itching to get out of here

[00:20:21] we both had pre-nups that made the division of assets pretty painless

[00:20:24] they had no problem with giving me full custody

[00:20:26] and paying child support

[00:20:28] I didn't need or ask for spousal support

[00:20:31] honestly how little he fought for our girls

[00:20:33] was the part that hurt me the most

[00:20:35] the biggest disagreement we had was with the house

[00:20:38] my mum stepped up to buy him out of the mortgage payments he put down

[00:20:42] so that me and the girls and my dad wouldn't have to move

[00:20:45] he really wanted this done as fast as he could

[00:20:48] so he could ride off into the sunset with his affair partner

[00:20:50] and take his new job

[00:20:52] and that's exactly what he did

[00:20:54] he got the ending he wanted

[00:20:56] free of me and the kids and free to be the world's best surgeon or whatever

[00:20:59] my mum and dad both came through for me in big, big ways

[00:21:03] mum is a lawyer herself and she had set up the house

[00:21:06] and my other assets to be protected

[00:21:08] she also was the one to get me my lawyer

[00:21:11] dad moved into the pool house and that's where he's going to stay

[00:21:14] my dad is going to enjoy his golden years being pop-pop to our girls

[00:21:17] and dad to me

[00:21:19] I'll make sure he won't have to worry about anything

[00:21:21] my daughter's 10th birthday was two weeks ago

[00:21:24] my husband promised her he would fly out for it

[00:21:27] I made this party a really big deal

[00:21:29] I hired performers, rented a bouncy castle

[00:21:31] had all her classmates over

[00:21:33] most of my family was there

[00:21:35] my mum and dad were able to be in the same place and not fight

[00:21:38] we had a really great time and he never showed up

[00:21:41] she got a card from him the day after the party with a lame apology

[00:21:44] and a $500 gift card

[00:21:46] I asked her if she was okay and she shrugged

[00:21:49] she had a great time at her party and didn't expect her dad to show

[00:21:52] she knows he doesn't love her

[00:21:54] that's what she told me

[00:21:56] she wasn't really upset about it either

[00:21:58] she's 10 years old and already expects him to disappoint her

[00:22:01] it breaks my heart

[00:22:03] but she's a trooper

[00:22:05] and she didn't let it stop her from enjoying her day

[00:22:07] I realised that for years I've been trying to make a home for him

[00:22:10] to come home to

[00:22:11] but he's had one foot out the door

[00:22:13] and I've been holding his hand trying to keep him from going

[00:22:15] I finally let go

[00:22:17] I'm doing better than I thought I would to be honest

[00:22:20] and the girls are too

[00:22:22] I don't really miss him

[00:22:23] the girls don't really miss him

[00:22:25] I'm not even angry about the affair

[00:22:27] I'm just disappointed

[00:22:30] and we do have another update in the moment

[00:22:33] but it's just such an incredibly shitty and sad situation

[00:22:37] you know, it's positive in some ways

[00:22:39] because him being out of your life now is

[00:22:42] is a good thing so you can sort of like move on

[00:22:45] I guess so the kids can move on

[00:22:47] but to be doing that in the first place

[00:22:49] is just absolutely heartbreaking

[00:22:51] and I hope that OP does look into some kind of

[00:22:53] you know professional help

[00:22:55] just to check on the children

[00:22:57] because you know, kids can hide their feelings pretty well sometimes

[00:23:00] on the outside they may seem like

[00:23:03] they don't care but

[00:23:05] they may really be hurting deep inside

[00:23:07] you know, the guy sounds like he was pretty absent

[00:23:10] and not a father anyway so

[00:23:12] it might not bother them at all

[00:23:14] but just in case right

[00:23:16] but Date Line Delly says and quotes

[00:23:18] the shallow vapid woman who decorates houses

[00:23:21] while he's saving lives right

[00:23:23] and says the woman who doesn't need to work

[00:23:25] but does so you have income and a purpose right

[00:23:28] fuck that guy

[00:23:29] with any luck he gets slapped with a malpractice suit

[00:23:31] so he can really taste his own medicine

[00:23:34] insulin for the non-diabetic I say

[00:23:37] OP says he could just never wrap his head around that

[00:23:40] that I wanted to work, that I like my career

[00:23:43] that I have relationships with clients and contractors

[00:23:45] and vendors and office staff

[00:23:47] there's a constant argument with us

[00:23:49] there were multiple stressors that broke our marriage

[00:23:51] this was a big one

[00:23:53] this steady insistence I quit my job

[00:23:55] close up my business and stay home

[00:23:57] but I'm also a lazy entitled spoiled rotten princess

[00:24:00] so who the fuck knows

[00:24:02] Date Line replies that saying

[00:24:04] it'll never make sense because it's nonsensical

[00:24:07] I'm so happy for you and your daughters and father

[00:24:09] you deserve good things

[00:24:11] I was so fortunate to have them

[00:24:13] I hope things improve with your mum

[00:24:15] I had a rough patch with mine too

[00:24:17] and it was the worst

[00:24:19] I'm sure there are a lot of folks don't understand

[00:24:21] OP says things with my mum are getting better

[00:24:23] amazingly things between my mum and dad are getting better as well

[00:24:27] they both showed up for my daughters 10th

[00:24:29] and didn't fight or make catty remarks to each other

[00:24:31] or side eye each other

[00:24:33] or glare or any of it

[00:24:35] I said it in another comment but ironically

[00:24:37] my marriage dissolving has done more to heal

[00:24:39] the rest of my family than anything else has

[00:24:42] and the same day OP added another post

[00:24:45] asking a question saying what am I supposed to tell my girls

[00:24:48] 10 and 7 about their father

[00:24:50] Mike's husband was never a present father

[00:24:52] he's a surgeon and spent most of his time

[00:24:54] either working or doing something with his co-workers

[00:24:57] he was rarely ever home and when he was

[00:24:59] he was mostly wanted to be left alone

[00:25:01] to hang out by himself in his man cave

[00:25:03] he didn't like the girls being loud or playful

[00:25:05] because it disturbed him

[00:25:07] our daughters have always walked on egg shells around them

[00:25:09] and he's never taken much of an interest in their lives

[00:25:13] so we just finalized our divorce

[00:25:16] he couldn't wait to get out of the marriage

[00:25:18] he wanted to be done with this marriage and our kids

[00:25:20] so he could take a new job in another state

[00:25:22] and live with his affair partner

[00:25:24] I asked for custody and he was relieved

[00:25:26] he didn't want custody, he didn't fight at all for them

[00:25:29] he hasn't even seen them since the day he moved out 2 months ago

[00:25:32] he's gone now in another state and my oldest

[00:25:34] had her 10th birthday about 2 weeks ago

[00:25:36] I threw a really huge party for her

[00:25:38] I made it a really big deal and he promised

[00:25:40] he would be there

[00:25:42] he never showed, we get a card with a lame apology

[00:25:44] and a gift card from her day after her birthday

[00:25:46] I felt so bad for her

[00:25:48] what makes it worse is

[00:25:50] she wasn't even upset

[00:25:52] I asked how she felt it and she just shrugged

[00:25:54] she said she wasn't surprised and that dad didn't really love them

[00:25:57] what the hell do I say to that

[00:25:59] I'm at a loss for words because

[00:26:01] I don't believe he loves them either

[00:26:03] do I lie to them

[00:26:05] tell them of course he does, he's just busy

[00:26:07] what do I tell her

[00:26:09] the truth?

[00:26:10] no, he doesn't really love you

[00:26:12] I have no idea what to say to my girls

[00:26:14] should I even bring it up

[00:26:16] just not talk about it at all

[00:26:18] just leave the fact that their dad doesn't give a shit

[00:26:20] and has pretty much abandoned them

[00:26:22] just carry on as usual because let's be honest

[00:26:24] he hasn't been part of our lives for a long long time

[00:26:27] he never really was

[00:26:29] not that much has changed for the girls besides the fact

[00:26:31] that they don't need to walk on eggshells

[00:26:33] for the one or two days a month he was even at home

[00:26:36] I just don't know

[00:26:38] both the girls are in therapy now

[00:26:40] we all are

[00:26:41] maybe this is something I should bring up there

[00:26:44] and absolutely that's my thoughts

[00:26:46] I'm glad to see that OP

[00:26:48] did turn to therapy for

[00:26:50] for all of them to get them

[00:26:52] to get them through this basically

[00:26:54] and I definitely think that should be brought up

[00:26:56] like this guy from what we've read here

[00:26:58] is an absolute shitty person

[00:27:00] bad father

[00:27:01] where these girls have had to tiptoe

[00:27:03] around him all the time not disturb him

[00:27:05] always told that they're being too loud

[00:27:07] but I still imagine that they have

[00:27:09] very very complicated feelings around it all

[00:27:12] this is someone who's still been a part of

[00:27:14] all of their lives

[00:27:16] I can remember some of my thoughts and feelings around that sort of

[00:27:19] young age and sometimes it's really hard to navigate certain things

[00:27:23] I can only imagine that completely cutting him off out of their lives

[00:27:26] is only going to be beneficial for them in the long run

[00:27:29] but I think it will be a difficult process to deal with at the same time

[00:27:33] but all I can really say is I do really wish you all the best

[00:27:36] you

[00:27:37] your girls

[00:27:38] your father and your mum of course

[00:27:40] and I hope that you know they all mend their relationships in the end

[00:27:43] but now I'm going to turn this one to you guys

[00:27:46] what do you guys make of this situation

[00:27:49] holy moly what a ride that was

[00:27:51] let us know your thoughts down in the comments below

[00:27:54] just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart

[00:27:56] for getting involved in today's stories

[00:27:58] your love, your support, your time

[00:28:00] always means the absolute world to me

[00:28:01] so thank you so so much

[00:28:02] and hopefully I see you in the next one

[00:28:05] take care

[00:28:06] and much love

[00:28:36] and thanks for watching

[00:29:06] and I'll see you in the next one