Wife Found Out Me And My Mother Have Been Lying About Our Baby For Months r/Relationships

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[00:00:36] Hey, Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well.

[00:00:38] My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories.

[00:00:42] And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider in the like subscribe,

[00:00:46] maybe that notification bell too?

[00:00:48] Let's crack on with today's first story.

[00:00:51] Much love guys.

[00:00:52] Now, today's first story comes from throwawaywifehatesme who says

[00:00:56] my wife, 28 female, found out that my mother, 59 female

[00:01:00] and I, 28 male, have been lying to our baby, zero male, for months.

[00:01:06] This all went down about an hour ago and my wife is still crying in our bathroom

[00:01:10] with the door locked.

[00:01:11] Backstory, we had our son now 11 months old while my wife is in residency.

[00:01:17] She took a few weeks off before giving birth

[00:01:19] and then went back to work a few months after.

[00:01:22] Well, I transitioned my hours to part time so I could stay at home and raise our son.

[00:01:27] My mom moved in with us shortly after the birth in order to help out,

[00:01:31] which allows me to get in the few hours of work per day

[00:01:33] and also not get swamped with taking care of the baby and housework.

[00:01:38] She's quite old fashioned and would definitely not prefer this arrangement

[00:01:41] with me being a stay at home dad.

[00:01:43] But she hasn't said anything to either of us and has been a great help.

[00:01:48] For anyone unfamiliar with medical residency, it is brutal.

[00:01:52] My wife has just over a year left.

[00:01:55] Sometimes she comes and goes for one to three days

[00:01:58] and our son is asleep the whole time she's home, which has been happening more

[00:02:02] as his sleep schedule shifted to sleeping through the night.

[00:02:05] My mom and I make sure that when she's home and the baby is awake,

[00:02:09] my wife gets in 100%.

[00:02:12] I know it's been hard on her, but unfortunately,

[00:02:14] it's just going to be this way for another year.

[00:02:19] The first big milestone she missed was him rolling over.

[00:02:22] When she got home, my mom pulled her over to the baby all excited.

[00:02:26] I thought she was going to tell her, but instead she says,

[00:02:29] Julie, you came home right on time.

[00:02:31] He's been moving about as if he's going to roll over.

[00:02:34] They both stood there encouraging him and right on cue, he rolls.

[00:02:38] My wife was elated.

[00:02:41] She was so worried and guilty about not being there, and she took it as proof

[00:02:45] that she can still be a present mother while working.

[00:02:48] So we continued.

[00:02:50] I send texts over little things she misses through the day.

[00:02:53] So that is not completely unbelievable.

[00:02:55] But my wife has been in quotes present at every single big milestone.

[00:03:00] He coincidentally started crawling with her right there.

[00:03:04] His first words were in front of her, and he began standing, cruising

[00:03:08] and walking when she happened to be home.

[00:03:11] The walking one was difficult.

[00:03:13] It was a tough seven day stretch where she just wasn't home

[00:03:16] during the daytime when he was awake.

[00:03:17] And his walking went from teetering to walking

[00:03:20] a couple of steps pretty confidently in that time.

[00:03:23] We put little beanbags in one of his pants pockets, so he'd be wobbly and

[00:03:27] unbalanced, and it looked believable since he fell off to the first step

[00:03:31] like he was doing a week ago.

[00:03:33] Yes, it was mean to our poor son, but my wife's face was worth it.

[00:03:37] Today, it all unraveled.

[00:03:40] So far, he can just say mama, dada and nana.

[00:03:43] Yesterday, he started saying bye bye.

[00:03:46] My wife has today off and she's been home all morning.

[00:03:50] My mom and I have been trying to get him to say bye all day without giving it away

[00:03:54] that we already know he can say bye.

[00:03:56] Successfully got him to say bye to the ducks at the park,

[00:04:00] and we both gushed over his newest word the whole way home.

[00:04:03] My wife was using my phone to take pictures of him

[00:04:06] and began showing my mom at home while telling her about his newest word acquisition.

[00:04:10] She was swiping through my gallery and saw a video from yesterday and goes,

[00:04:14] Oh, you never sent me this one.

[00:04:16] It was literally like a slow motion film happening right in front of my eyes.

[00:04:21] I'd taken the video of him yesterday waving bye bye.

[00:04:25] My wife isn't an idiot.

[00:04:28] She figured the whole ruse out pretty much instantly.

[00:04:31] I've never seen her look so upset and heartbroken before.

[00:04:34] I couldn't say or do anything to comfort her.

[00:04:37] Now she's locked herself in the bathroom crying and won't come out.

[00:04:40] I'm on our bed hoping someone can please tell me what to do to make this better.

[00:04:46] I had total mixed feelings when I was reading it.

[00:04:48] Well, the first let me just mention the title.

[00:04:50] I was like, oh, shit, this is going to be a rough one.

[00:04:52] But it wasn't the story that I thought it was going to be when I read that title.

[00:04:56] But yeah, like I said, my feelings were a bit all over the place.

[00:04:58] Obviously, lying to your partner is never going to work.

[00:05:03] I couldn't really see the end game in this.

[00:05:04] I always felt like somewhere along the line, something was going to slip.

[00:05:09] And, you know, all this is going to be revealed and it's all going to fall

[00:05:12] like a house of cards.

[00:05:13] So there was going to be some hurt somewhere along the way.

[00:05:18] So let me just say not excusing the lion.

[00:05:20] I think it was a bad idea to begin with.

[00:05:23] And but I get where OP is coming from and that they don't want their partner

[00:05:27] to miss out on this again, not excusing the lion whatsoever.

[00:05:31] We've seen stories about medical residency and, you know,

[00:05:35] and how hard it is people have shared their comments down below on YouTube as well.

[00:05:41] And I've had people on Twitter telling me about how rough it is.

[00:05:45] So seeing your wife deal with that and then missing various milestones

[00:05:49] is going to be hard for both of them, I think.

[00:05:52] And I think your mom put you in a very difficult position

[00:05:55] the first time she did that, and I think it should have been stopped there and then.

[00:05:59] And I think all you can do is let her have what time she needs

[00:06:03] and then explain your thoughts and feelings.

[00:06:05] But certainly a difficult situation.

[00:06:08] And as you say, oh, man, this is a very different story

[00:06:11] from the one the title suggested it would be.

[00:06:14] I know your intentions here are very, very kind.

[00:06:17] But lying to protect your wife's feelings is still lying.

[00:06:21] It sounds like your wife is feeling some guilt or ambivalence about not being able

[00:06:25] to spend as much time with your baby as she wishes she could.

[00:06:28] And pretending that she is a part of all of this first isn't ultimately going

[00:06:31] to help her deal with those feelings.

[00:06:33] You need to be honest with her and give her the space to feel whatever

[00:06:36] she feels about this.

[00:06:37] But she also needs to understand that a lot of working parents

[00:06:40] deal with the same disappointment she is feeling and come to terms with it.

[00:06:45] A deleted user says, Oof, your heart was in the right place,

[00:06:48] but I completely understand why she feels betrayed.

[00:06:51] She's probably just as angry as herself if she's upset with you.

[00:06:55] Can't imagine how tough it would be for a new mom to be away from her infant so much.

[00:07:00] She's probably carrying a tremendous amount of guilt

[00:07:02] despite knowing she's going through residency for your family.

[00:07:05] I just give her space for now.

[00:07:07] And when you talk, promise her that you'll be transparent going forward.

[00:07:12] 12 days late says, Man, Opie, I can sympathize with why you lied.

[00:07:16] You don't want your wife, the mother, to feel horrible about missing a milestone.

[00:07:20] But gosh, if I were her, I'd be devastated and angry and hurt.

[00:07:24] You had good intentions, but you still lied for months.

[00:07:28] The trust is eroded and it'd be tough to get it back.

[00:07:32] I'd apologize and ask her what you can do.

[00:07:35] Hoping to thrive says, Why on earth would you lie to your wife?

[00:07:38] A baby learns a new skill on their own timeline.

[00:07:41] No one would need to see every big moment, especially if your child was in daycare.

[00:07:46] Your wife has a right to be pissed at you and your mother.

[00:07:49] It's hard to believe you would lie to your wife about something so small.

[00:07:53] Collaborate the lie with your mother.

[00:07:55] You have caused your wife a lot of anguish when she is already stressed

[00:07:58] from work and feeling guilty she can't be home with her baby.

[00:08:02] It will take a while for her to trust you again.

[00:08:04] A long while.

[00:08:07] Just me says, I mean, your first wrong move was not pulling your mom aside

[00:08:10] after the first incident and telling her that was wrong

[00:08:13] and you don't want to lie to your wife, and this just put you in a terrible position.

[00:08:17] To continue collaborating with your mom and keep your wife

[00:08:20] from actually being a part of these milestones is absolutely terrible.

[00:08:24] You need to be honest and let your wife know how it happened that first time

[00:08:28] so she knows it wasn't you who initiated this deceit.

[00:08:31] And then apologize for stealing these milestones from her.

[00:08:35] You should have been keeping her updated while she was at work

[00:08:37] and sending her these videos.

[00:08:39] Whose idea was it to put the bag in his pocket?

[00:08:41] That has just taken it to a whole new level.

[00:08:44] And just me said before that, I said, I'm so sorry.

[00:08:46] I have some things to say, but first, can you please tell me

[00:08:48] if these little lies were mostly your mom's idea?

[00:08:51] And Opie replied saying, no, just the first time.

[00:08:54] Then it was mostly me.

[00:08:56] If you're thinking that it was done deliberately,

[00:08:58] I know there's a lot of anti mother-in-law sentiment around,

[00:09:01] but my wife and my mom both consider the other their parents slash child.

[00:09:05] When my wife is home, my mom will leave us entirely alone to spend time together.

[00:09:09] She didn't do this to hurt her.

[00:09:11] So Opie did update their post and says, don't think anyone

[00:09:15] would particularly care about an update, but I appreciated the insight anyways.

[00:09:19] So here's an update.

[00:09:21] After I wrote the original post, my mom took my son to stay overnight

[00:09:25] with my wife's sister so that the two of us could have the house to ourselves.

[00:09:29] We pretty much just talked for an hour while constantly reaffirming

[00:09:32] that we love each other a lot and want to sort this out.

[00:09:35] I apologize and explain why I did what I did.

[00:09:39] She said that feeling like she was there for our son's milestones

[00:09:42] was really just a band-aid solution that didn't actually convince her she was present.

[00:09:46] She said that if she actually had been using the milestones

[00:09:49] to feel like she was present, it would probably have felt worse for her.

[00:09:53] But since she wasn't, in her words, deluding herself into thinking

[00:09:57] she's actually home, her main issue was that I lied, which hurt her feelings.

[00:10:02] I apologize and explain.

[00:10:03] I honestly thought that she would prefer the lying if given the choice.

[00:10:07] She said she understood where I was coming from and she felt betrayed when she

[00:10:10] realized that she sees that I was doing it because I love her.

[00:10:14] And she thinks we'll probably laugh about it with our grandkids one day.

[00:10:17] Yes, I'm very aware that I don't deserve my wife.

[00:10:21] Some things came out on my end that I wasn't going to tell her

[00:10:24] and didn't mention in my last post, namely that I'm scared

[00:10:27] she's going to become suicidal.

[00:10:29] My uncle committed suicide when I was a child,

[00:10:32] apart from working in a high stress job where he made a huge and costly mistake.

[00:10:36] One of my wife's colleagues attempted suicide while she was on mat leave.

[00:10:40] Being a working mom is bad enough.

[00:10:42] Being a resident in this program is bad enough.

[00:10:45] Both combined are a recipe for trouble.

[00:10:48] Since our son was born and the incident with her colleague happened,

[00:10:51] I've been afraid that if our home life wasn't perfect,

[00:10:54] it would push her over the edge.

[00:10:56] Anyways, she's reassured me that's not happening.

[00:10:59] And I think saying it out loud also made me realize that it's pretty irrational.

[00:11:03] Groundless fear.

[00:11:05] We ordered takeout and sat together watching the real videos

[00:11:08] I have of all of our son's first.

[00:11:10] I also have a special folder of pictures and videos of my son with my wife.

[00:11:15] We went through that after.

[00:11:17] She almost choked from laughing so hard when I tentatively revealed

[00:11:20] the beanbag trick.

[00:11:22] I am the laughing stock of a friend group chat.

[00:11:25] I guess we're already at the stage. We're laughing about it.

[00:11:28] Thank you to those who responded to the last post.

[00:11:31] The stereotype of someone in r slash relationships

[00:11:34] advocating divorce every time anything happens is true.

[00:11:38] TLDR marriage is work.

[00:11:40] I'm stupid and we move past it.

[00:11:43] And for me, I'm glad that they was able to talk this out and move past it

[00:11:48] and talk about, you know, some of his fears that he was clearly talking about.

[00:11:52] He's clearly got some stuff going on about what his uncle happened.

[00:11:56] And hopefully one day he'll be able to talk to someone maybe professional

[00:11:59] to get the help that he may need to get himself through that.

[00:12:02] But obviously, I don't know the ins and outs of that one.

[00:12:05] But as I said, I'm so glad that they was able to talk it out

[00:12:08] and move past things and and things didn't escalate any further.

[00:12:11] But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:12:14] What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:12:17] Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:12:20] And let's move on to another story.

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[00:13:44] And our next story is from a deleted user that says,

[00:13:47] my boyfriend faked a proposal.

[00:13:50] So I broke up with him.

[00:13:53] I mean, I might be pretty much the story right there, but let's find out.

[00:13:57] Me, 24 female, have been dating my boyfriend Andrew, 26 male for five years now.

[00:14:03] We've had a healthy and stable relationship up until today.

[00:14:08] Andrew has always been a prankster and makes jokes with me all the time.

[00:14:13] And I do it to him too, but today he took it way too far.

[00:14:18] In the morning, he woke me up at 7am and told me to wake up

[00:14:21] because he wanted to take me to the spa.

[00:14:23] I was pretty surprised because it wasn't a special day or anything, but I was all in for it.

[00:14:29] At the spa, he told me how he wanted to go to a fancy restaurant after we were done at the spa

[00:14:35] and that he was paying.

[00:14:37] Of course, I agreed as we haven't been out together in a long time.

[00:14:41] We then got to the restaurant and we had a beautiful romantic dinner

[00:14:44] and just a nice time in general.

[00:14:46] We were talking about a house we were planning to move into and chit-chatted about other stuff too.

[00:14:52] After around 40 minutes, Andrew stood up and got on his knees and took out a box out of his pocket.

[00:14:58] My heart stopped beating.

[00:15:00] I hadn't even predicted this.

[00:15:02] We had never talked about proposals before, but I also thought it was a great time now.

[00:15:08] He did a speech about how I was the most beautiful girl in the world

[00:15:12] and how he wanted to live with me forever and ended with

[00:15:16] Will you marry me my princess?

[00:15:18] And of course I said yes.

[00:15:20] Seconds later, all that excitement turned into horror.

[00:15:24] He opened the small box I expected he put the ring in

[00:15:27] and it was a note saying You've been pranked.

[00:15:29] And Andrew started laughing hysterically.

[00:15:33] He continued with Baby this was just a prank, I'm not ready at all to marry you yet.

[00:15:38] He was leaning in to hug me but I gave him the biggest slap ever with tears streaming down my

[00:15:42] face.

[00:15:43] I just told him We're over you fucking scumbag.

[00:15:49] I am now sitting in my bed crying writing this and I don't know what to do.

[00:15:53] He'd been texting and calling me but I haven't responded because I feel so sad,

[00:15:57] betrayed and mostly angry.

[00:15:59] I thought this was going to be one of the best days of my life.

[00:16:03] What should I do?

[00:16:04] And we start in the comments with Forgotten Horse who says

[00:16:07] Old boy took it too far.

[00:16:09] It's hard to come back from that sort of disrespect.

[00:16:12] I think you'd be best not seeing him anymore.

[00:16:14] He lied to you and tricked you.

[00:16:16] Now he can deal with the fallout.

[00:16:19] Me and Replice are saying it seems in these pranking relationships someone always goes too

[00:16:24] far.

[00:16:24] I just don't get it.

[00:16:26] You're supposed to feel safe with your person.

[00:16:28] How can you feel safe perpetually on guard for pranks?

[00:16:31] I hate all of this.

[00:16:33] OP I hope you learned a lesson here.

[00:16:36] Wimbleton Butt says

[00:16:37] Not always.

[00:16:38] My ex and I started like this but a couple years in we had a talk about how we'd both

[00:16:42] been living in a state of heightened anxiety and we needed to call a truce.

[00:16:47] Both of us were too worried about what the repercussions would be if we broke the truce.

[00:16:52] Neither of us wanted to risk starting a war so we went years without targeting each other again.

[00:16:57] I don't even remember what the last prank was.

[00:17:00] It was before we got married.

[00:17:02] Pancake says

[00:17:03] What do you mean what should I do?

[00:17:05] You announced that you have big news.

[00:17:07] You and Andrew are finally ready to let everyone know that the relationship was just a prank.

[00:17:12] You're actually single.

[00:17:13] Then go date someone else who cares about you.

[00:17:16] Another user says

[00:17:17] Jesus reddit is so overreacting.

[00:17:20] Obviously I don't know anything about your relationship but you said it was healthy and

[00:17:23] stable and this was just something he does.

[00:17:26] Yes he fucked up big time but is it worth throwing away the whole relationship?

[00:17:31] What do you think you two can talk it out and he will learn his lesson.

[00:17:34] Another commenter says

[00:17:35] Typical reddit telling you to run.

[00:17:37] You were ready to marry this man.

[00:17:39] This prank was out of bounds but just take time to cool off.

[00:17:43] Let him know what he did and you can move past this.

[00:17:46] I'm giving you a heads up.

[00:17:47] The current dating pool is currently not that hot right now.

[00:17:51] If he's a good man forgive him.

[00:17:53] Don't be silly.

[00:17:54] Kebab Enthusiast says

[00:17:55] Took it too far with a prank but there was no need to physically assault him.

[00:18:00] And one more comment which says

[00:18:02] Pranks have been getting out of hand the last couple of years so let's clarify what a prank

[00:18:07] is and is not.

[00:18:08] Is harmless, funny, something everyone can laugh about, a short-lived moment with no

[00:18:14] lasting impact, not physically or emotionally damaging, psychological tricks or manipulations,

[00:18:20] bullying.

[00:18:21] I can't believe I have to say this.

[00:18:24] But pranks are not an excuse for you to bully someone.

[00:18:27] Something only you laugh at.

[00:18:29] He's a massive piece of shit.

[00:18:31] Leave him and find someone who respects you.

[00:18:35] I just think what goes through someone's mind before they do something like this.

[00:18:40] You know he set up this big day, this special day with a spa or a meal, you know like leading

[00:18:46] up to this final thing.

[00:18:49] So you know it's been well thought out.

[00:18:52] He's thought about all the things they're going to do.

[00:18:54] So at some point it must have crossed your mind like is this a good idea?

[00:19:00] Is she going to find this funny?

[00:19:03] I'm not saying there's no one in the world that would find this funny because I'm sure

[00:19:07] there's couples out there that have done this and had a laugh about it.

[00:19:10] But I would think that the majority would be upset by this, toying with someone's emotions

[00:19:15] in this way.

[00:19:16] Like that last commenter said, pranks are meant to be funny and harmless.

[00:19:20] This was neither.

[00:19:22] Whilst I agree at the same time, you know slapping someone is never a good way to deal

[00:19:25] with things.

[00:19:25] But the update comes in and says thank you guys so much for all the love and the replies

[00:19:31] on my last post.

[00:19:32] I honestly didn't expect it to get as much attention as it did but I'm very very grateful

[00:19:36] for that and it has helped me a lot.

[00:19:39] I asked mods of this subreddit if I could do an early update and they allowed me to.

[00:19:43] So here's the update.

[00:19:45] After I made that reddit post I fell asleep crying, then woke up and decided to call my

[00:19:50] now ex boyfriend.

[00:19:52] I told him it was over and that I didn't want to be together with someone who after

[00:19:55] 5 years still isn't ready for marriage and make a big joke about it.

[00:19:59] He cried and then turned angry and demanded me to stay and told me I was a fucking arsehole

[00:20:04] for leaving him like this after everything he has done for me.

[00:20:08] He cussed me out so much that I stopped listening at one point so I don't really remember

[00:20:12] everything he said.

[00:20:13] In the end we came to a sort of agreement that we're going to sell the house and that

[00:20:17] he will be sleeping in the guest room for now.

[00:20:19] So today I've just been scrolling the internet for apartments so I can have a fresh start.

[00:20:25] He's still not happy about the breakup though.

[00:20:27] He's trying so bad to get back with me, saying stuff the whole day like can't we be together

[00:20:32] again and this was just a small mistake I made.

[00:20:36] But the one that did it for me was don't be so fucking petty and drop it.

[00:20:40] You know we are happy together and you know you still want me.

[00:20:45] When he said that I absolutely lost it and called him every single name I could come

[00:20:49] up with then slammed my door.

[00:20:51] I think he also told his family about this whole situation cause today I got a call from

[00:20:56] his mom telling me how selfish I was and how I couldn't handle a simple joke and it ended

[00:21:01] with her calling me a slur and hanging up the call.

[00:21:04] After that I have gotten several messages from his other family members such as his

[00:21:08] siblings, his dad and even his aunt.

[00:21:11] I've tried to block them all but every now and then comes a new message.

[00:21:16] I feel like more will happen but the next update will probably not be in less than a

[00:21:20] week or so as I'm going to try and sell stuff I don't need, find a new apartment and fix

[00:21:24] everything with the house and stuff before we put it for sale.

[00:21:27] I just want to get out of here as quickly as possible.

[00:21:31] And I'm just trying to picture this scenario where this guy has gone up to his family and

[00:21:36] explained his story and the mom agrees with him.

[00:21:40] I'm going to start messaging her and call her a slur and that she can't take a joke.

[00:21:48] Sometimes it gives me a headache trying to get into the mind of these people.

[00:21:52] But what do you guys make of this situation?

[00:21:57] Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:22:00] And just a huge thank you for being here today getting involved in the stories,

[00:22:04] your love, your support, your time not just towards me but towards the stories and towards

[00:22:09] each other down in the comments below as well.

[00:22:11] It's always absolutely amazing.

[00:22:13] Thank you so much and hopefully I'll see you in the next one.

[00:22:16] Take care and much love.