Wife Asked Would I Rather Be With My Dying Mother Or Her During Labor r/Relationships

[00:00:00] Hey waffle gang, I do your well my name is Mark and today we're checking out some more

[00:00:08] Reddit stories and if you do love a Reddit story why not consider and I like subscribe

[00:00:14] maybe that notification bell too unless crack on with today's first story.

[00:00:19] Much love guys.

[00:00:20] Our first story comes from a deleted user from the M.I.V.L.S.O. here subreddit and says

[00:00:26] I would choose my mom over the birth of our baby.

[00:00:32] Now before we get into this story I want to give you a couple of warnings in case you

[00:00:35] do want to skip the story that does contain death of a parent, cancer, emotional abuse

[00:00:41] and manipulation as well so if you don't want to skip the story please feel free to

[00:00:45] do so time stamps are always down in the description and along with timeline below thank you

[00:00:50] and it starts off.

[00:00:52] So this is a throwaway account.

[00:00:54] I will check some of these comments but not all.

[00:00:57] So to get started I am 36 male, my wife is 33 female.

[00:01:02] We're expecting our first child soon.

[00:01:05] My mother who is 70 was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and has been hospitalized since it's

[00:01:11] so bad Dr. Sace will not survive this treatment is not working well on her.

[00:01:16] My dad died when I was young and my mom took care of me while working two jobs so that

[00:01:21] I could have a good life.

[00:01:23] I feel I owe everything to my mother.

[00:01:26] I bought her a house and whatever she needed that she could live her all the years well

[00:01:30] since we had to struggle so much.

[00:01:32] When I got home from work and visiting my mom, my wife and I were talking and she asked

[00:01:38] if you got a call that I was in labor or your mom was going to die who would you pick?

[00:01:44] I told her I would pick my mom.

[00:01:46] She asked why and I told her that I wanted to be there to say goodbye to my mom since

[00:01:51] I would never see her again and so she would have somebody there in her final moments.

[00:01:56] She got mad and said what about her and our baby?

[00:01:59] I told her I would try to be there as fast as I could after my mom but that most likely

[00:02:04] wouldn't happen.

[00:02:06] So I told her not to worry about it.

[00:02:09] She was still mad and told me to get out of the house.

[00:02:11] I left and now I'm on my mom's house so read it, I am the asshole.

[00:02:19] Read it to everyone saying I would be leaving her alone.

[00:02:22] No, I wouldn't.

[00:02:23] She didn't have her mom there.

[00:02:25] She has said she wanted her mom there with her.

[00:02:27] Yes, I was right for leaving my house.

[00:02:29] It was either I leave or she go.

[00:02:31] I was not about to put my pregnant wife out of our house.

[00:02:35] Yes, I had been there for her.

[00:02:36] I've taken off work to comfort her and help her in any way she needs during pregnancy.

[00:02:41] Edit 2

[00:02:42] I keep getting the same question about why did I leave my house even though I may own

[00:02:47] the house.

[00:02:48] It was late and I didn't want my pregnant wife out late at night but she told me to leave

[00:02:52] so I knew it was either me or her.

[00:02:55] 2

[00:02:56] My mother is in the hospital and she is not at her house.

[00:02:59] 3

[00:03:00] I thought a lot about what a lot of you said about how I should put her first but she doesn't

[00:03:05] put me first at all.

[00:03:06] She chooses assisters over me all the time.

[00:03:09] 4

[00:03:10] I do not make her feel second.

[00:03:12] I've put my wife first especially in emergencies and have tried my best to comfort her.

[00:03:17] I've gone home and now I'm thinking I don't need to apologize.

[00:03:21] I really don't know.

[00:03:24] Thanks to everyone who's commented.

[00:03:25] And there was a couple of relevant comments which OP responds to so pace no 4108 says you

[00:03:31] got kicked out of your house for getting a hypothetical question wrong.

[00:03:34] On face value you're not the asshole but what is likely happening is your wife isn't feeling

[00:03:39] in the support and love she really wants a needs right now.

[00:03:42] Is she a super needy controlling woman or simply feeling a tad neglected or monol?

[00:03:48] I think you need to consider why she asked a question and address that.

[00:03:51] That's the problem.

[00:03:52] A hypothetical question and hurt reaction is simply how it plays out.

[00:03:56] Get out of your mum's house and go fix this.

[00:03:59] Leaving a home alone isn't going to help.

[00:04:01] Sleep out in front if you need to.

[00:04:03] Bring lots of apologies too.

[00:04:04] You were not kicked out for a bad answer here.

[00:04:07] There was a feeling of loss and something that is missing that your wife isn't feeling

[00:04:11] and needs to as soon as possible.

[00:04:13] Figure that out and go give it to her and give her another version of it every day for

[00:04:17] the rest of your life.

[00:04:18] Don't find out what part of love your wife doesn't think she has.

[00:04:22] Don't become a yor the asshole and sleep at mum's house.

[00:04:26] OP says no.

[00:04:28] She's not a needy controlling woman.

[00:04:30] I never thought about that but I did plan to go home and apologize today and ask

[00:04:34] us some questions about it.

[00:04:37] Kari says info.

[00:04:38] Have you missed important appointments or not helping out around your house as much?

[00:04:43] Making your wife feel like she is alone.

[00:04:45] For her to ask questions like that.

[00:04:47] OP says no.

[00:04:49] I've been to all but one and that's because she forgot to tell me about it.

[00:04:53] When I get home I wash the dishes from dinner and clean the floor, usually she prefers

[00:04:58] to cook.

[00:04:59] I've taken off a lot of days to help and comfort her through this so maybe I could do

[00:05:03] more.

[00:05:04] I don't know what else to do but I will ask though.

[00:05:07] Week Possession 765-0 is a hard choice but I'd say not the asshole.

[00:05:12] As long as your wife does actually have another plan for getting to the hospital and someone

[00:05:16] to support her.

[00:05:18] If not, the situation is a little iffy.

[00:05:21] Chances of both happening at the same time are quite unlikely though.

[00:05:24] So here's hoping you don't actually have to choose.

[00:05:28] OP says yes she does have support.

[00:05:31] A mum and sisters live close to us about 5 minutes away.

[00:05:35] It would be able to drive her.

[00:05:37] Like this comment said to me if out like there was always something in the background

[00:05:40] for that question to pop up in the first place.

[00:05:43] Do I agree that asking that question was a good idea?

[00:05:47] Absolutely not.

[00:05:48] It's hypothetical and one that you're not likely to like the answer to.

[00:05:53] But it does feel like it comes from some sort of resentment.

[00:05:56] When OP came in with their first update and says if you haven't read the story here

[00:06:00] it is and shares the link and then says hello again people have read it.

[00:06:04] Some of you asked for an update so here it is.

[00:06:06] I went back home yesterday afternoon.

[00:06:08] She wasn't there and I assumed she was at her mum's house.

[00:06:11] She came back in the evening and we had to talk about what happened.

[00:06:14] She did apologise for asking the question and that when she thought about it she understood

[00:06:18] my answer because she would do the same.

[00:06:21] I asked her why she asked and she said she didn't know and thought I was going to pick

[00:06:25] her since I normally do.

[00:06:27] I kind of just said okay and moved on.

[00:06:30] I did tell her I want marriage counseling after all even before the baby is born.

[00:06:35] She asked why and I told her how I felt and she denied it so I had to give her proof

[00:06:40] and she started crying and got mad and told me to sleep in the guest room instead of kicking

[00:06:44] me out.

[00:06:45] So I guess I got a win there.

[00:06:47] Anyways, she told me that she no longer wanted me in the delivery which I was fine with.

[00:06:52] I understand to an extent where it's coming from.

[00:06:55] I'll go into therapy which was suggested and I think I do need.

[00:06:59] Anyways that's it.

[00:07:01] Thanks to the advice you all gave me some good and bad advice and so if my comments came

[00:07:05] off as mean I'm not really a friendly person to you know me especially if you're accusing

[00:07:09] me of something.

[00:07:12] Winterworld says on the back of that one you would actually be fine with not being there

[00:07:15] to see the birth of your child really.

[00:07:18] I hope he says no but it's her choice I can't make her let me in there.

[00:07:23] He could say as you could have told her it's a priority for you.

[00:07:27] That you're sorry too.

[00:07:28] That you guys were talking hypothetical in the chances of your mum dying on your child's

[00:07:32] birthday are very slim.

[00:07:34] You could try to make her see it's important to you.

[00:07:37] Just accepting it would make me feel like you just don't care.

[00:07:41] Also you could have been more understanding.

[00:07:43] Take an accountability and apologize to her before you brought in marriage counselling.

[00:07:48] Opie says I did tell her that she is a priority and she did see it's important to me because

[00:07:53] she would do the same when we all did that.

[00:07:56] Why'd you want me to argue with a pregnant woman?

[00:07:59] Sad Bunny says please tell me your in therapy.

[00:08:01] I've made an appointment with one but Opie comes in with another update and says hello

[00:08:07] people this will probably be my last and final update.

[00:08:10] I read a lot of your comments and I did apologise not for bringing up marriage counselling

[00:08:14] but for the timing I boarded up and that I did show her proof.

[00:08:19] She did forgive me and told me I was still going to be the birth of our child.

[00:08:24] I said to her that it was okay and that I accepted it and I wasn't going to fight her

[00:08:28] on her choice.

[00:08:29] I did tell her that I think she and I both need some space before the baby comes, which

[00:08:34] she agreed.

[00:08:35] I told her I would leave and that she could have the house and that she needed anything

[00:08:39] to call or text me.

[00:08:41] No, I'm not at my mother's house.

[00:08:43] I'm out of friends house, he doesn't live there anymore but to usually rent it out.

[00:08:47] To all of you asking why didn't you kick her out?

[00:08:50] It's because I'm the only person who makes money in the house and I know especially

[00:08:54] now if I kick her out it would be called financial, emotionally manipulation or even

[00:08:59] abuse.

[00:09:00] Though it's better a lot of times if I leave.

[00:09:03] Yes, I do plan to go back home when the baby is born and to someone who asked I do plan

[00:09:08] to take paternity leave.

[00:09:09] No, she does not know where I'm at.

[00:09:11] She didn't ask so I didn't tell.

[00:09:15] Mainly because her family will be banging on my door.

[00:09:17] The people who I know are going to ask why aren't you fighting harder to be in the

[00:09:21] delivery room?

[00:09:23] I've learned that some things I cannot control.

[00:09:25] One thing is people if she doesn't want me there, I won't be.

[00:09:29] I made an example as if I had gotten someone pregnant in my 20s and said get an abortion

[00:09:34] just because it's my baby as well doesn't mean I can control what she does.

[00:09:38] Though it's her body and her choice.

[00:09:40] Lastly to people who are saying they need more details, I'm not used to just randomly

[00:09:45] talking about myself.

[00:09:46] It's been that way since I was a child.

[00:09:48] I've gotten better since I was a kid but this has struggled so if you have a question

[00:09:52] give me a specific question because I don't know what you ask, not the above.

[00:09:57] And about the divorce thing, I do not care if she divorces me.

[00:10:00] I love her but I cannot control how she feels so personally I won't beg her not to.

[00:10:05] I will suggest that we get help but if she doesn't want to then that's fine.

[00:10:09] I'm secure.

[00:10:11] What I mean by that is she will get nothing in the divorce.

[00:10:14] So she knows that?

[00:10:15] I don't know.

[00:10:16] I will try my best to answer the questions in the comments.

[00:10:20] And we do have a final fight update in a moment which comes after the baby is born but

[00:10:25] there's a couple of relevant questions on this one so one awareness has not the arsehole

[00:10:29] but such a dramatic turn of events from a hypothetical question.

[00:10:34] Pete Rose replies that saying really escalated quickly like now I don't even think he's

[00:10:38] going to have a wife as an emotional support when his mum dies.

[00:10:41] I hope he has a support system in place because he's going to need it.

[00:10:45] Hope he says well that's why I'm going to therapy because I don't want to lean on my

[00:10:49] wife too much after she has the baby.

[00:10:52] Three times three animal style please says, can I ask why is your last line of the post

[00:10:57] certainty she would get nothing in the divorce?

[00:11:00] Can you elaborate on that a bit?

[00:11:02] Hope he says we have a prenup anything that was purchased before the marriage would be

[00:11:05] mine since even before we got married she was stay at home.

[00:11:09] Why purchase the house and everything before we got married so it would be mine.

[00:11:13] Toffee Swarrel says do you have autism?

[00:11:16] Hope he says ADHD not autism.

[00:11:19] Spoon Bill says I'm secure but I mean by that is she'll get nothing in the divorce because

[00:11:24] she know that.

[00:11:25] I don't know.

[00:11:27] Then says do you hate this woman your wife who's carrying a children?

[00:11:30] She doesn't work she'd be doing primary childcare resumably how is she going to live?

[00:11:36] She's going to be a single mother just like your mom is that what you want for her and

[00:11:40] your kids?

[00:11:41] I do not understand you at all.

[00:11:43] Why are you throwing everything away because the first time pregnant woman feels insecure?

[00:11:47] Hope he says don't plan on getting a divorce is one no I don't hate her.

[00:11:53] She will still have to get a job and help probably end up paying child support.

[00:11:57] Don't plan on getting a divorce if you want one that's on her.

[00:12:00] I'm not throwing anything away I'm just giving her space and not making her more stressed

[00:12:06] okay team says the if she doesn't want me in there I won't be and she will get nothing

[00:12:11] in a divorce statements both bother me.

[00:12:14] It sounds like she may want you to show that you really want to be there with her and

[00:12:17] with her in general maybe try a little harder to make that known your attitude makes it

[00:12:22] seem like you just don't care also why would you want her to get nothing in the divorce

[00:12:28] she's the mother of your child hope he says that was decided before we got married when

[00:12:33] we got engaged decided to be a house fiance then house wife so for me I wanted to protect

[00:12:38] myself if she ever checked I've heard too many stories my attitude around her I tried

[00:12:43] to show I care but maybe she doesn't see it that way I don't know how she sees it yes

[00:12:48] I know she is the mother of my child.

[00:12:53] To op is final update and is the last one says hello people have good and bad news so

[00:12:59] start with a good news my wife had the baby on January 26th it's a girl I love us so

[00:13:05] much I wanted to name her after my mother but we found out a compromise and her middle

[00:13:09] name is my mother's name.

[00:13:12] The questions I'm going to get about was I in delivery room I was not I did ask but

[00:13:16] I got a no and she said really told her sister that she couldn't hurt my feelings which

[00:13:20] is okay right then I'd stop caring a lot the bad news is my mother died she died a week

[00:13:26] before my baby was born.

[00:13:28] At decent bit of her friends came to the funeral and if you go back up a sentence I said

[00:13:33] I'd stop caring a lot since she didn't come to the funeral she made stupid excuses

[00:13:37] and I just said forget it was nice though I'm mad that she wasn't there when I needed

[00:13:43] her so I haven't been talking to her much so I won't yell at her we talk about the

[00:13:47] baby in her and other than that we don't talk I'll bring up marriage council in a few weeks

[00:13:52] but for now I'm going to enjoy my baby and love her.

[00:13:57] Now I'm not sure if marriage council can ever turn around something like this because

[00:14:02] it certainly doesn't feel that way to me it feels like opi checked out of this relationship

[00:14:07] by the end of it and I gotta be honest I think at this point the force is probably the

[00:14:12] best way forward for all of them but now I'm gonna turn this one to you guys what do

[00:14:18] you guys make of this situation let us know your thoughts down in the comments below

[00:14:24] and let's move on to another story.

[00:14:29] And our next story comes from the top of the Amideus Soul subreddit from original good

[00:14:34] 2218 doesn't have an update yet but says Amideus Soul for reducing my parents allowance

[00:14:40] by whatever amount they share with my siblings.

[00:14:44] My parents live in a less developed country than I do.

[00:14:47] My siblings and I all live in North America or Europe.

[00:14:51] When I got my new job I did my budget and saw that I could send home roughly $1,300

[00:14:56] a month without it affecting my personal comfort.

[00:15:00] I'd still be able to save for my future and my mum and dad could retire so when I was

[00:15:05] home I set up a joint account for us that way I could see if they needed more and make

[00:15:09] sure they were not getting scammed or anything.

[00:15:13] After about a year and a half I started noticing that there was a $200 transfer every month

[00:15:18] and they said he was having difficulties with his budget so they're helping him out.

[00:15:22] My brother doesn't need help, he's a scholarship student, he actually receives a stipend from

[00:15:28] my home government to study abroad what he wants is money to party so I reduce the amount

[00:15:34] I give them by $200 obviously they do not need it if they can afford to give it away

[00:15:39] every month.

[00:15:41] My mum called me when she noticed and was yelling at me for being a crappy daughter and sister.

[00:15:45] They asked her to tell me exactly how much money they contributed to my party fund when

[00:15:50] I was away for school, just so you know the answer is $0.

[00:15:55] They also tried to talk me out of attending university in Canada.

[00:15:57] I'm not sure how common the idea of filial piety is in other cultures but it's a big deal

[00:16:02] in mind.

[00:16:03] She went off about it.

[00:16:04] I told her that I didn't need the money and had better ways to spend $200 and gifted

[00:16:08] to my brother so he could get drunk with his friends more.

[00:16:12] She said that I'm treating them like children by restricting how they spend their money.

[00:16:17] I replied that I was not going to subsidise my brother through them and that from now

[00:16:21] on the money they got from me would be $1,100 and if they sent him money again I would know

[00:16:27] and reduce their money by that amount going forward.

[00:16:30] My brother called me to bitch about me about cutting off his money from our parents.

[00:16:34] I said that I hadn't.

[00:16:35] He was welcome to tell our parents to go back to back breaking jobs at their age to pay

[00:16:40] for his party in London and they would have money to live off of and their wages to pay

[00:16:44] for his drinking.

[00:16:45] My boyfriend is on my side, as many of my friends.

[00:16:49] Most of my family and people from my culture think I am being an asshole.

[00:16:53] Whoever for the last two months my parents have only been spending on themselves.

[00:16:59] Now obviously I didn't come from a culture where there's this sort of expectance to

[00:17:04] care for your parents in their older age but I certainly would if they were struggling

[00:17:10] don't get me wrong.

[00:17:11] But the absolute entitlement of that sort of attitude makes me, it's just shit.

[00:17:17] I think it's disgusting when you're caring for someone in the way you are showing the love

[00:17:22] that you do, the consideration that you do looking out for them not wanting to be scammed

[00:17:26] and all this kind of thing, caring for them in a way that your brother certainly isn't

[00:17:32] and then you get called a crappy daughter and sister.

[00:17:36] An align that really did make me chuckle to myself is when she said I'm treating them

[00:17:40] like children by restricting how they spend their money.

[00:17:43] I would have said do you want to say that back to yourself?

[00:17:46] Stupid butts come straight and it's a 1300 a month girl I'll adopt you.

[00:17:53] Whilst while says not the asshole, essential parents probably don't tell you often enough.

[00:17:58] I'll say it for them.

[00:17:59] You're an amazingly thoughtful, loving and caring child to your parents.

[00:18:04] You send them upwards of $1,000 every month just so they can retire and not have to work.

[00:18:09] That's amazing.

[00:18:10] You're also reducing the amount you give them as a preventative measure to make sure

[00:18:15] they don't get taken advantage of by a spoiled son.

[00:18:19] If they give $200 now without consequences it would eventually increase to $300 then

[00:18:23] $500 and so on and so forth.

[00:18:27] You set a boundary that will help your parents to keep their money for themselves so they

[00:18:30] can continue to remain retired and not spread themselves too thin.

[00:18:35] Extinct Diplodocus says not the asshole if you wanted to give your brother $200 a month

[00:18:40] you could send it direct.

[00:18:41] You don't have to give your parents money to make an end run so they give in your brother

[00:18:45] that $200.

[00:18:47] I grew with your logic that I sent in 200 a month to brother, that's money they don't

[00:18:51] actually need from you.

[00:18:52] The total effect is that you stop giving brother $200 a month.

[00:18:56] The loaner hamps to says not the asshole, they don't want to be treated like children

[00:19:00] but will gladly take a monthly allowance from you.

[00:19:03] An allowance they wouldn't have if you had listened to them and accepted their lack of

[00:19:06] support.

[00:19:07] I doubt your brother will send them money when he gets a job so they have a choice

[00:19:11] to make.

[00:19:12] Keep giving him money they claim to need or use the money so they can have an easier retirement.

[00:19:18] The annex are a reply that's saying right, I have a friend who ended up being a sole

[00:19:22] supporter of the entire family back in their home country.

[00:19:25] A friend is far behind the poverty line by the standards of the country he immigrated

[00:19:30] to.

[00:19:31] Their brother who's doing okay financially isn't contributing and when the friend said

[00:19:35] they can't support the family anymore, they berated and insulted them for hours and

[00:19:39] blamed the parent being sick on them.

[00:19:41] And one more comment from Alpine lad 1965 who says you were way more generous than I

[00:19:46] could or would ever be.

[00:19:48] I went to university and bet yourself got a good paying job because you went against

[00:19:52] their wishes and studied in Canada.

[00:19:54] Now you sent them money and they think your brother deserves it because he is a man.

[00:19:59] Nah that has 18th century stuff right there.

[00:20:02] Personally I would not have given them anything because they didn't even want you to study.

[00:20:06] In that case you never would have had the money to give them anyway.

[00:20:10] They should be happy if you give them $500 a month.

[00:20:14] Now I can't comment on the culture and the expectations and stuff like that but I just

[00:20:20] find it incredibly sad that you think you taught your daughter this way.

[00:20:25] When they're supporting your way of life, they do incredible things with their own life

[00:20:30] living an independent doing things all by themselves looking after themselves and just

[00:20:34] still having the consideration the care and love to care for you at the same time and

[00:20:39] then you treat them that way.

[00:20:41] I find that just baffling honestly.

[00:20:44] Much love to you OP because you are an amazing person.

[00:20:48] If you do hear it please never forget that but now I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:20:54] What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:20:57] Maybe you have a different take on the matter what would you suggest OP do?

[00:21:00] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:21:04] Just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's

[00:21:07] stories.

[00:21:08] You'll love your support, your time always means the absolute world to me so thank you

[00:21:12] so much for being involved and hopefully I'll see you in the next one.

[00:21:17] Take care and much love.

[00:21:37] When you make decisions for your company, you look for the no brainers and if you have

[00:21:54] a lot of mailing to do stamps.com is the ultimate no brainer.

[00:21:59] It streamlines your processes to make your business more efficient which makes you less

[00:22:04] busy.

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