Told My Wife To Go NO CONTACT With Her Family After They Invited Her Abusive Ex r/Relationship

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:18] Now today's first story comes from VisibleAlps3606 from the Am I The Arsehole Here subreddit. And it says, Am I The Arsehole Here for telling my wife to go no contact with her family after they invited her abusive ex on her birthday. I'm 25 and my wife is 27. Actually, she isn't my wife yet. We will get married in May, so I will call her my wife because we both already consider each other as husband and wife,

[00:00:45] even though we aren't officially yet. I've been dating my wife since the past two years and my wife is kinda emotionally fragile. She has traumatized a bit. She told me earlier on that her ex had been verbally abusive and was rough on her. Even when we were dating, she was hesitant and during sex she would ask me to go slow.

[00:01:07] We're comfortable now, but on her birthday, which was 24 days ago, my soon-to-be mother-in-law and brother-in-law invited her ex on her birthday and in my home. I was pissed because I knew what he did to my wife. My wife immediately grabbed my hand when she saw him and she was scared. I asked him to get out and my wife's family started convincing me, but I didn't listen and I kicked them all out.

[00:01:31] My wife is hurt even after almost a month and I did my best to help her. We both decided to not invite them in our wedding and cut them off. But they are saying through text that I am going too far and manipulating her and they want to reconcile with my wife and I'm keeping her away from her family. I asked my wife and she said she wants to stay away from them for now and wants to celebrate this year being officially married to me and she hates them for inviting her ex on her birthday.

[00:02:01] Me and my wife has no problem with our decision. We are a couple and we make our decisions together, but I'm not feeling good about splitting my wife from her family. And they are saying that I'm manipulating her and sent me texts about how evil I am. I try to tell them that I just want to do what's best for my wife. But again, they repeat the same shit. You absolutely did the right thing in this situation. They created a traumatic event for your wife.

[00:02:30] She was in fear holding your hand because of what they had done. And then after they did all this for some fucking weird reason, they tried to make you out as like the manipulator for supporting your wife's choice to go no contact. They're enabling the abuser. Absolutely disgusting people. But Sparkle says in the end, it's her decision no matter what anyone thinks or says. Even if you do decide things as a couple, even if they want back in her life, you checked with her.

[00:02:59] She doesn't want to be around them. You supported her in what she chose. Not the arsehole. Also, fuck those people. Unlucky Start says yeah. Sounds like he did everything according to best practices on how to handle these situations. Didn't see a flaw. The reasoning behind the invitation might shed some light and could be helpful information moving forward. But it isn't necessary. Also, dick those people. Day Sailor says not the arsehole.

[00:03:26] What possible reason would her family have for inviting an abusive ex to your party for her? Even if they didn't know about the abuse. No contact these people. They would invite him to the wedding as well. Quirky Rose says you were right to kick them all out. Well done. Your wife should be proud of you. You've shown you're a real man and a loving and protective husband. I would ignore the family members who thought so little of your wife and were so insensitive as to invite her ex to her birthday.

[00:03:55] They've shown their true colors and deserve no respect. That they can't see what they did was so wrong is even worse. I'm glad your wife wants to put some distance between them. Foolish Frog says as the mediator between my partner and his family, you're doing exactly what you need to do. Be there to support your wife. You never need to apologize for that. If her family can't respect their boundaries, at least you're there to keep it firm. I've had to tell my father-in-law, I don't care what the argument is between you two.

[00:04:23] I'm here to support him first. You and I are cool, but I'm going to protect and support your son. We've had to leave major holidays and I've gotten this string of guilt texts. I always just reiterate, your issue isn't with me. It's with your son and relative. I only know you because I love him. I will be in his corner. So Opie comes in with the update. It says, After we both decided to cut our family off, my soon-to-be mother-in-law showed up at my place today.

[00:04:52] And she said that I'm manipulating my wife and she just wants to have a good relationship with her future son-in-law and her daughter. But I am being unreasonable. I asked her if she loves her daughter so much, why did she bring her abusive ex in our home? Did she expect us to just go through with it? My mother-in-law apologized and said that ex is family as well. And they wanted to involve him. And he wanted to apologize, but I kicked them out. And she wants to be in her daughter's life and her grandchildren's life.

[00:05:20] And she will never bring her ex in front of my wife, even willing to cut him off. I asked her if she's so important, why would you bring your daughter's abuser in her home and on her birthday? You cause so much pain to her and she doesn't want to talk to you right now. And what man hurts a woman as sweet and as kind as her? She was abused and she is still scared. And now not only her parents betrayed her, even her family betrayed her. I asked her to leave and told her I will talk to my wife and we will get back to her.

[00:05:49] After she left, I told my wife everything. And she was shocked. But she said if her mother is sorry and promising us that ex won't get involved in our life, she's okay with it. I told her we should wait. And after what they have done, we don't know if they're manipulating us or are genuine with their intentions. My wife agreed. She's still angry and sad, but I'm helping her as much as I can to uplift her mood. But I don't know if my wife should be in their life. I can't tell her what to do.

[00:06:16] But as a man, I feel like I should protect her after what they did. And we trust and communicate with each other. And we don't do something unless we both agree on it. So I'm wondering, what should I do? Still Actuator says, the only thing I can say is if your wife is willing, then go ahead, but take it slow. Make her parents earn her trust again through their actions and not just their words. But also make it clear to them that there will not be another chance if they mess this one up. I wish you both the best.

[00:06:45] Lucy Loves Apple says, I think OP's wife should see a therapist first before moving forward with her family again. We've covered a couple of stories like this in the past where ex-abusers are brought back into the person's lives, the OP's lives or whoever's lives it may be. And it always just feels like when they come in with the apology, it's just apologies for now facing consequences of their own actions. Just to me in this, the way mother-in-law apologized,

[00:07:12] it just, it felt like she still didn't get it. You know, saying stuff like the ex's family too. Is he fuck? He's her daughter's abuser. Also coming in with saying that he wanted to apologize. Yet they didn't ask OP's wife if it's okay to bring him around. They just ambushed her with it. And then she was also saying things like, I'll never bring him around again. So basically admitting she knew it would hurt your wife the first time around.

[00:07:39] And then one of the big standouts for me, and we see this time and time again, when they start thinking about grandchildren and not being in their lives. And that's what they really start panicking about. That's the way it felt to me anyway. And all I can really say on the back of this is that, you know, your wife's healing should come before like the desire for access to her life. These apologies for me just feel way too convenient.

[00:08:07] But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Now, our next story comes from top dragon fruit 7469 and says, am I the asshole for refusing to let my sister bring her dog to my house after what happened last time? So here's the deal.

[00:08:33] I, 30 female, host family gatherings at my house because I have the most space. And honestly, I love it. Last year, my sister, 28 female, insisted on bringing her dog, a large, hyperactive golden retriever, to Christmas dinner. I wasn't thrilled about it because I don't have pets. And I like keeping my house clean and fur free. But I thought, okay, miss the holidays. Let's be nice.

[00:08:58] Fast forward to Christmas day and this dog goes absolutely berserk. It knocked over the Christmas tree, chewed up one of the gifts, a handmade scarf from my mom that took her weeks to knit and somehow managed to jump up on the counter and eat half of the appetizers before we even sat down for dinner. I spent most of the day cleaning up after the dog and barely got to enjoy the holiday. My sister's response? He's just excited. It's Christmas after all.

[00:09:28] This year, I told her no dogs. I was polite but firm, saying we'd love to have her, but the dog needs to stay home. She got super upset, saying her dog is part of the family and it's unfair to exclude him. Now she's threatening not to come at all. And my mom is pressuring me to let the dog come so the family can be together. Oh no, say it folks. I told them both that I'm not changing my mind. Now I'm being called selfish and not understanding.

[00:09:58] My sister is acting like I'm banning her child or something and I'm starting to second guess myself. Am I the arsehole for putting my foot down? If I took Poppy around to a family member's house and she caused that kind of chaos, I would be absolutely mortified. I mean, not that Poppy can. She's tiny. You know what I mean? And she's an amazing dog anyway. You know, she goes to the door if she needs the toilet. She sleeps most of the time.

[00:10:27] You know, occasionally will get at your legs for a little cheeky treat, but that's about it. You can leave a plate of food on the side and she literally won't touch that plate. She'll stand at it and stare at it and like do, you know, the typical shih tzu hafa it where she goes for about 30 minutes, but that's all she'll do. This is just about having basic respect for someone's home. If I ever need to take Poppy somewhere, I always ask beforehand. Knowing Poppy is an amazing dog

[00:10:55] and I'm very lucky to have inherited, I don't know what, adopted a dog like her. She's absolutely amazing, but I still check with anyone when I'm taking her around someone's house. Is it okay if I bring Poppy? It's just basic respect and your sister's already shown you that she won't control the dog. She won't take responsibility for the shit it causes and the fact that your mum's on board with this for the family, do it for the family.

[00:11:22] But after she destroyed the mum's handmade gift last year, is she going to knit another one for the dog's Christmas dinner this year? Hell no. And I'm sure the comments will be saying, and call her bluff. And the top comment did say, okay, don't come. Call her bluff. This is your house, not the asshole. TootsNYC says, absolutely call her bluff and tell mum she's pressuring the wrong person. Pause for effect says, agreed, but I'm super petty

[00:11:52] and I'll take it up a notch. Tell your mum she's welcome to host the whole family. So the whole family can be together. Then gift your sister dog training for dummies and your mum cleaning supplies. And there is a sad aside to this story as well, which really pisses me off with stories like this because she's doing the dog no favours as well. And it just winds me up. But a couple of days later, OP comes in with her update and says, first off,

[00:12:21] thank you to everyone who offered advice and support on my original post. I was feeling a lot of pressure and was starting to second guess myself. But I really appreciated reading all of your comments. To clarify a few things before I get into the update, I don't hate dogs. I grew up with pets, but since moving into my own place, I've chosen not to have any. I also have some health concerns, allergies, which make it difficult for me to handle dogs in an indoor environment. I love my sister,

[00:12:51] but the last time her dog was at my house, it caused major stress. Now for the update. After my original post, I had a long conversation with my sister and mom. My sister kept saying that I was being unfair by not allowing her dog to be a part of the family celebrations. She compared it to me banning her child, which I told her was a pretty extreme comparison, considering her dog is over 80 pounds, rambunctious, and wasn't exactly well behaved at my house last year.

[00:13:20] To be honest, things got a bit heated during our conversation. I tried to explain that it wasn't about her dog. It was about a peaceful, enjoyable family gathering. My house isn't pet proof, and I didn't want to spend the entire evening cleaning up after the dog or worrying about my guest safety. The dog knocked over a glass of wine last year too, but she kept saying that I was being too controlling and that I didn't care about her happiness. At this point, my mom started to get involved.

[00:13:49] She'd been trying to play the family unity card, saying that my sister's dog is like a family member and that we should make exceptions to ensure everyone is happy. I held my ground and it felt like I was in the middle of a tug of war. The next day, my sister texted me saying she would come if I made the choice to accept the dog as part of the family. Otherwise, she said, she'd just skip Christmas dinner altogether. My mom called me in tears, saying I was making the holidays divisive and that I was being difficult.

[00:14:19] Honestly, at that point, I started feeling like maybe I was being unreasonable, but I stuck to my decision. So here's what happened. My sister showed up without the dog, but she was very upset about it. She barely interacted with anyone at first and spent a lot of the time on her phone. It was super awkward. By the end of the night, things had calmed down a little and we were able to enjoy dinner, but I still feel the tension is lingering. And I'm honestly wondering if I made the right choice.

[00:14:50] Some of the comments I received, especially about setting boundaries and considering my own well-being, made me feel better about my decision. But now that it's all over, I can't help but feel guilty for causing this rift. My sister has barely spoken to me since and my mom is still upset. So for the final question, did I make the right choice? Was I being unreasonable? Or was I just standing up for myself? Thanks again to everyone for your advice.

[00:15:19] And the top three comments on this one said, Tiny Extreme said, Not the arsehole, you don't want a rambunctious, ill-behaved dog in your house. If your sister wants to bring her dog to get-togethers, then she can host them at her house. Another commenter says, My dogs are over 80 pounds. You wouldn't know we had dogs if you came over for a party. They say hi, but they don't beg and will go chill somewhere if things get crowded. Having well-behaved dogs is a substantial commitment on part of the owner. Good dog training

[00:15:49] gives the dog a better life as well. And in my opinion, anybody with poorly behaved and untrained dogs is a huge arsehole. Bubble T Bob says, Mine aren't great. I'm working with a behaviorist, but I would never even want to take them to a family event, ignoring the chance they would do damage to someone and something. I wouldn't be able to relax or chill for fear they were off somewhere eating a mince pie or a pound of dark chocolate, especially the little one. She once stole a sandwich

[00:16:19] out of someone's mouth. And while she's better than she used to be, bless the place command, I wouldn't want to test it to destruction like that. Absolutely, you need to stick to your guns on this one and not let their little manipulation tactics win because that's all it is. You are not wrong for wanting this dog destroying your home. And don't get me wrong, I feel sorry for the dog because like one of those commenters says, it's doing the dog no favors and your sister's not

[00:16:48] helping the situation. Yes, some dogs can be harder to train than others, but from the sounds of what I'm reading here, the sister isn't doing any training, just, you know, he's just the way he is kind of thing. And the sister's behavior is just bloody rude. That's all there is to it. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And we're going to finish this one with a bit of airline drama from a throwaway account who says,

[00:17:18] am I the asshole for reclining my seat on an international flight? Last week, I was on a flight from Dallas to Paris. I don't know why I find that funny. A nine hour flight. My plan was to sleep as much on the plane as possible. As it was an overnight flight and I was losing seven hours of time. After takeoff, I leaned back, I leaned back my seat to begin snoozing. Almost immediately, the girl behind me taps on my shoulders and asked me to pull up my seat, which I do,

[00:17:48] but then asked why. She said there was a baby in a car seat right behind her, so she couldn't recline. And if I leaned my seat back, she can't really see the TV on the back of my seat. I was like, okay. But a few minutes in, I realized I really needed to lean my seat back if I was going to sleep. It just made a huge difference for me. I figured since there was an empty seat in the middle section just a few rows back, if it really bothered her, she could move there. I had even told her as much.

[00:18:17] So after a few minutes, I leaned back my seat again and closed my eyes. She then gets the attention of a flight attendant to tell me to pull up my seat. I put in my headphones so the next part is relayed to me by my mom, who was sitting next to me. Apparently, the flight attendant told her she couldn't do anything about it. What was she supposed to do? Make everyone in front of her not lean their seats back? The girl then got the attention of two more flight attendants who all said the same thing and offered the same seat I told her about.

[00:18:47] Thing is, we're in the window seat and the girl complained that she picked that seat because it's the window seat so she refused to move. Meanwhile, I pretended to sleep the whole time. I felt really bad for her. If it was me, I'd be complaining too. But I also didn't really care about the window and wouldn't have been bothered at all about moving. So in my mind, when I leaned back, I figured she could move if it really bothered her. I bet she really thought I was the asshole though. It was just a sucky situation.

[00:19:17] Am I the asshole? ETA, the seat configuration was a 333 and the open seat was an aisle seat in the middle section. Not a middle seat. If there were no other seats available, I wouldn't have reclined. I mostly didn't want to move because I'd rather sleep next to someone I know versus a complete stranger. But also because I was traveling with my aging parents and my mom gets super anxious flying. So like, I didn't just have no reason not to move. Only small reasons.

[00:19:47] Granny May says on the back of this one says, if one is only thinking only of themselves, then technically whatever you do in the seat that you paid for, including reclining your seat, is within your rights and any inconvenience for someone else is their problem, not yours. However, if one is thinking compassionately and is kind to be considerate of everyone else and find the most agreeable solution for everyone involved. Since the window seat was important to her but not to you and since you stated you wouldn't mind moving, it would have been

[00:20:17] kind of you to move in order to recline and go to sleep. I wonder why you didn't. And Opie did give a couple of reasons why they felt they didn't want to move. So that comment may have been before that edit. Individual ad says no one's an arsehole here. Airline passenger seats have been designed without thinking through all the permutation on how people actually use them when flying. Being able to recline and sleep and rest is an acceptable activity when on a flight, especially when it's overnight and across the pond.

[00:20:46] Being able to watch a show seems like another perfectly reasonable activity on a flight. Being able to place a baby in a car seat behind another seat is another perfectly acceptable activity, though I'd think that a solution to your conflicting needs and wants would have been for the baby to have been moved to the middle seat so that the person behind you could have reclined their seat. As long as the airline seats continue to be cramped, people will need to learn how to deal with these sort of conflicts in a polite and well-mannered way, which I think that you did. If I had to tilt

[00:21:16] in one direction, it would have been for the passenger to have moved to another seat. Overnight travel with all the shades pulled does not afford someone sitting out a window of an outside side-watching experience anyway. Psychological Hope says it's funny reading this when I've literally just got off a long-haul transatlantic flight where I was almost made to feel like the asshole for putting my seat back. In my case, the woman didn't use her words, just kept passive-aggressively kicking my seat until I turned round and politely asked her to stop. It took several attempts to get her attention

[00:21:46] as she was studiously ignoring me when I tried to talk to her. Then was super unpleasant and aggressive towards me in our interaction. She even admitted she had a child behind her. It wouldn't have taken up as much space but refused to put her own seat back. I also think she had her bag under my seat instead of overhead which brought her knees up more. Again, wouldn't compromise on anything. I ended up having my seat upright all night and fucking up my neck as a result. Such fun. Man, I hate flying.

[00:22:16] I absolutely hate it. It makes me nervous anyway. But, the planes, I've never been on like a long-haul flight like nine hours plus or anything like that. Probably the longest I've ever been was Egypt some years back. But more recently I got on this plane and it is the most cramped I've ever been. I mean, I'm not a big guy but my knees were literally touching the back of the seat. It was awful. And I struggle to sleep without sort of leaning back as well like this. And you can't really

[00:22:45] do that on these flights that I go on. So it's just like four plus hours of pain. But what would you do in this situation? Would you sympathize with the mum? Would you think that she should have moved to the other seat? She had the option to, right? Or do you think fuck it, whine and recline? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And just a huge thank you for being here today, getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me.

[00:23:14] So thank you so, so much for being here. And hopefully, I'll see you in the next one. Take care. And much love, your cheeky so-and-so.