Told My Sister's Fiance About Her Testing His Loyalty And May Have Ruined Everything r/Relationships

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00]: Hello, we are Julia Becker and Chris Sommer from the podcast Trinnis.

[00:00:05] [SPEAKER_00]: Dogs are not really trinnis, they want to go out several times a day and play with others.

[00:00:09] [SPEAKER_00]: Everyone has to know that.

[00:00:10] [SPEAKER_00]: However, if you are out and about a lot, you should be well insured.

[00:00:13] [SPEAKER_00]: The animal health insurance from Petolo offers full protection for your dogs and cats.

[00:00:17] [SPEAKER_00]: That means operation and health insurance.

[00:00:20] [SPEAKER_01]: With the voucher code trinnis you secure a free trial month

[00:00:23] [SPEAKER_01]: with which you can use all Petolo services for a month

[00:00:25] [SPEAKER_01]: as well as a video chat at Dr.Fressnapf without obligation and free of charge.

[00:00:30] [SPEAKER_01]: You can find all information on petolo.de

[00:00:33] [SPEAKER_01]: slash trinnis

[00:01:06] [SPEAKER_02]: about her loyalty test.

[00:01:09] [SPEAKER_02]: Using an alt because my friends use reddit and not sure if I want to open this stuff

[00:01:14] [SPEAKER_02]: up to those in my life as things haven't settled between everyone yet.

[00:01:18] [SPEAKER_02]: I 26 female have a younger sister, Lily 24 female, who's been with her fiancé, Mark

[00:01:26] [SPEAKER_02]: 28 male for 3 years.

[00:01:29] [SPEAKER_02]: They've always seemed really happy together and they're planning to get married next summer.

[00:01:33] [SPEAKER_02]: Lily and I have always been close, but she can get pretty intense and a bit paranoid

[00:01:38] [SPEAKER_02]: when it comes to relationships.

[00:01:40] [SPEAKER_02]: A few weeks ago, Lily told me about this plan she had.

[00:01:43] [SPEAKER_02]: She wanted to test Mark's loyalty by having her friend Sarah flirt with him at a party

[00:01:48] [SPEAKER_02]: to see how he'd react.

[00:01:50] [SPEAKER_02]: I told her it was a terrible idea and that she should just trust him, but she was dead

[00:01:55] [SPEAKER_02]: set on it.

[00:01:56] [SPEAKER_02]: She said she needed to be sure Mark wouldn't cheat on her once they are married.

[00:02:01] [SPEAKER_02]: So last weekend at a party, Sarah went ahead with the plan.

[00:02:05] [SPEAKER_02]: According to Lily, Mark was nice but didn't flirt back and even mentioned he was engaged.

[00:02:11] [SPEAKER_02]: But Lily was still upset because she felt he didn't shut Sarah down forcefully enough.

[00:02:17] [SPEAKER_02]: I thought this whole thing was really unfair to Mark.

[00:02:19] [SPEAKER_02]: He had no idea he was being tested and I felt bad for him, so I ended up telling him what

[00:02:25] [SPEAKER_02]: Lily did.

[00:02:26] [SPEAKER_02]: He was shocked and hurt but thanked me for being honest with him.

[00:02:29] [SPEAKER_02]: Now Lily is absolutely furious with me.

[00:02:32] [SPEAKER_02]: She says I betrayed her and ruined her relationship.

[00:02:36] [SPEAKER_02]: She won't talk to me and she's saying I overstepped big time.

[00:02:40] [SPEAKER_02]: Our parents are split on this.

[00:02:42] [SPEAKER_02]: Mum thinks I did the right thing but Dad thinks I should have stayed out of it.

[00:02:46] [SPEAKER_02]: Mark is now reconsidering the engagement and Lily has cut me off completely.

[00:02:51] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm feeling really torn and guilty.

[00:02:54] [SPEAKER_02]: I don't know if I did the right thing by telling Mark or if I should have just stayed out of

[00:02:58] [SPEAKER_02]: it.

[00:02:58] [SPEAKER_02]: Am I the asshole?

[00:03:00] [SPEAKER_02]: If I am, how do I fix this?

[00:03:02] [SPEAKER_02]: Should I try to repair my relationship with Lily?

[00:03:05] [SPEAKER_02]: Should I reach out to Mark again or give him space?

[00:03:08] [SPEAKER_02]: Any advice would be appreciated.

[00:03:11] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm so lost right now.

[00:03:13] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm trying to picture the scene at this party where he turned her down, where Mark didn't

[00:03:19] [SPEAKER_02]: flirt back and even mentioned that he was engaged.

[00:03:22] [SPEAKER_02]: But Lily was still upset because she felt he didn't shut Sarah down forcefully enough.

[00:03:27] [SPEAKER_02]: What did she want Mark to do in this situation?

[00:03:30] [SPEAKER_02]: Cause a huge scene, shout at her?

[00:03:32] [SPEAKER_02]: And if he did, surely then all of this loyalty test would have come out anyway.

[00:03:37] [SPEAKER_02]: And we've seen various versions of these loyalty tests within these stories and they never work

[00:03:43] [SPEAKER_02]: out.

[00:03:43] [SPEAKER_02]: The truth always comes out and it always damages the relationship.

[00:03:47] [SPEAKER_02]: You know, I don't think you ruined their relationship.

[00:03:50] [SPEAKER_02]: I think she ruined her own relationship by doing this stupid shit in the first place.

[00:03:54] [SPEAKER_02]: But Angry says your sister isn't mature enough for marriage and is looking for reasons to

[00:03:58] [SPEAKER_02]: cause drama.

[00:03:59] [SPEAKER_02]: Either she's bored or she cheated and came close to cheating and projecting her guilt

[00:04:03] [SPEAKER_02]: onto the man.

[00:04:05] [SPEAKER_02]: Your dad is also an idiot.

[00:04:07] [SPEAKER_02]: Think about it like this, she gave him a test, he passed with flying colours and she's still

[00:04:11] [SPEAKER_02]: mad he didn't do well enough somehow.

[00:04:14] [SPEAKER_02]: She passed the test she created and roped her equally terrible friend into.

[00:04:18] [SPEAKER_02]: And she's mad at the result even though it's the one she said she wanted.

[00:04:21] [SPEAKER_02]: Your sister needs help, not a husband.

[00:04:26] [SPEAKER_02]: RNG says not the arsehole.

[00:04:27] [SPEAKER_02]: One of my favourite sayings is, if the truth causes your character to be called into question,

[00:04:33] [SPEAKER_02]: the problem is not with the truth, it's with your character.

[00:04:37] [SPEAKER_02]: You didn't ruin her relationship, the stupid loyalty test did.

[00:04:41] [SPEAKER_02]: You just told the truth.

[00:04:43] [SPEAKER_02]: Alarming Reply says you're both adults, you're both free to make your own choices and have

[00:04:48] [SPEAKER_02]: your own thoughts and feelings.

[00:04:49] [SPEAKER_02]: Lily made her choice, you believe she made a bad decision, I agree with you.

[00:04:54] [SPEAKER_02]: Lily does not have to agree with you.

[00:04:56] [SPEAKER_02]: Lily is responsible for her own actions, she made her choice and she owns the consequences

[00:05:00] [SPEAKER_02]: of her own decisions and actions.

[00:05:02] [SPEAKER_02]: Let her be pissed off.

[00:05:04] [SPEAKER_02]: Your sister is not mature enough to be married.

[00:05:07] [SPEAKER_02]: At this point, you should stay away from this situation.

[00:05:10] [SPEAKER_02]: Let Lily and Mark figure out their relationship, not the arsehole.

[00:05:14] [SPEAKER_02]: ETA it appears both you and Mark failed at the loyalty test according to Lily's definition.

[00:05:18] [SPEAKER_02]: Perhaps you should ask your sister what exactly loyalty means to her, I don't think she has

[00:05:23] [SPEAKER_02]: a good understanding of the meaning.

[00:05:25] [SPEAKER_02]: If she did, she would not have put either one of you in this situation.

[00:05:29] [SPEAKER_02]: And Caitlyn's Corpse says and quotes according to Lily, Mark was nice but didn't flirt back

[00:05:34] [SPEAKER_02]: and even mentioned he was engaged, but Lily was still upset because she felt he didn't

[00:05:38] [SPEAKER_02]: shut Sarah down forcefully enough and then says what did she expect?

[00:05:43] [SPEAKER_02]: Did she want Mark to punch her friend in the face or something?

[00:05:46] [SPEAKER_02]: She did this stupid fucking test and wasn't happy with the way he turned her friend down.

[00:05:52] [SPEAKER_02]: Seriously, your sister is not ready to get married.

[00:05:55] [SPEAKER_02]: I don't blame you for telling Mark honestly because your sister's actions were foolish

[00:05:59] [SPEAKER_02]: and childish.

[00:06:01] [SPEAKER_02]: She can say you ruined their engagement all day long but at the end of the day she is

[00:06:05] [SPEAKER_02]: the one who ruined it by being a childish dipshit, not the arsehole.

[00:06:09] [SPEAKER_02]: People who play games like this with their partners can get bent.

[00:06:12] [SPEAKER_02]: So OP comes in with her update and says hey everyone, I wanted to update you since it's

[00:06:18] [SPEAKER_02]: been a month since everything went down.

[00:06:21] [SPEAKER_02]: First off, thanks to everyone who shared their thoughts and advice.

[00:06:24] [SPEAKER_02]: It helped a lot to hear different perspectives in that most people seemed to agree I did

[00:06:28] [SPEAKER_02]: the morally right thing which lifted a huge weight off my chest.

[00:06:32] [SPEAKER_02]: After my post things were really tense, Lily refused to talk to me and there was a huge

[00:06:37] [SPEAKER_02]: divide in our family since we're the only two kids my parents have now.

[00:06:41] [SPEAKER_02]: Mark reached out to say thanks but I could tell he needed space so I gave it to him.

[00:06:47] [SPEAKER_02]: Me trying to be a source of comfort for him after everything went down didn't seem right

[00:06:51] [SPEAKER_02]: and I didn't want any worse assumptions to start.

[00:06:54] [SPEAKER_02]: About two weeks in, Lily reached out and asked to meet up.

[00:06:57] [SPEAKER_02]: I was surprised but eventually we met up and while she was still upset and despite how

[00:07:02] [SPEAKER_02]: pissed off she was at the beginning, she realized her actions were over the top.

[00:07:06] [SPEAKER_02]: She told me she's going to see a therapist to work on her insecurities.

[00:07:09] [SPEAKER_02]: It was an emotional talk and we both cried.

[00:07:12] [SPEAKER_02]: We agreed to try and slowly mend things, starting with meeting up at our parents' house more

[00:07:17] [SPEAKER_02]: often but it's going to take time.

[00:07:19] [SPEAKER_02]: Mark took a break from Lily to process everything.

[00:07:22] [SPEAKER_02]: They put their wedding plans on hold which was hard for both of them.

[00:07:26] [SPEAKER_02]: About a week ago, he decided he wanted to try and work things out, agreeing to attend

[00:07:30] [SPEAKER_02]: couples therapy with her too.

[00:07:32] [SPEAKER_02]: It's not easy but they're committed to trying and I guess I was so guilty at the

[00:07:36] [SPEAKER_02]: start because it was obvious despite everything he was crazy in love with her and I didn't

[00:07:41] [SPEAKER_02]: want to break that.

[00:07:42] [SPEAKER_02]: During this time, I've been working on myself too.

[00:07:45] [SPEAKER_02]: I've realized how much I value honesty and integrity in relationships and I'm trying

[00:07:50] [SPEAKER_02]: to be more supportive without overstepping.

[00:07:52] [SPEAKER_02]: It's a learning process but I'm trying.

[00:07:55] [SPEAKER_02]: Lily and I aren't back to where we were and I don't know how long it's going to

[00:07:58] [SPEAKER_02]: take but we can keep trying.

[00:08:00] [SPEAKER_02]: We've had a good few talks and laughed a little like we used to.

[00:08:04] [SPEAKER_02]: Thanks again to everyone who offered advice and support.

[00:08:07] [SPEAKER_02]: It's been a tough month but I'm happier now.

[00:08:09] [SPEAKER_02]: I'll keep you posted if anything major changes.

[00:08:12] [SPEAKER_02]: Take care and thanks again.

[00:08:33] [SPEAKER_02]: Do you agree that it is a happy ending and communication does win the day or something else?

[00:08:38] [SPEAKER_02]: Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story.

[00:08:44] [SPEAKER_02]: Now, our next story does have an update as well.

[00:08:47] [SPEAKER_02]: It's from Reddy405 from Am I the Asshole and says,

[00:08:50] [SPEAKER_02]: Am I the asshole for feeling like my eldest daughter should be treated the same as my

[00:08:55] [SPEAKER_02]: real children?

[00:08:57] [SPEAKER_02]: When my male 45 daughter female 13 was born, I immediately felt that something was obviously

[00:09:04] [SPEAKER_02]: amiss.

[00:09:05] [SPEAKER_02]: She was blonde haired and blue eyed which was extremely unlikely for a child of myself

[00:09:09] [SPEAKER_02]: and my ex wife female 39.

[00:09:13] [SPEAKER_02]: I am very Mediterranean and have olive skin, dark eyes and dark hair.

[00:09:18] [SPEAKER_02]: My wife has brown eyes and relatively dark brown hair.

[00:09:21] [SPEAKER_02]: Her skin is barely lighter than mine.

[00:09:23] [SPEAKER_02]: The baby also clearly bore no resemblance to me or anyone in my family at all.

[00:09:29] [SPEAKER_02]: I've been having misgivings about my ex too and she seemed too quick to express surprise

[00:09:33] [SPEAKER_02]: and make excuses.

[00:09:35] [SPEAKER_02]: Still though, I didn't want to throw away my marriage over what could have been my own

[00:09:39] [SPEAKER_02]: misunderstanding of genetics and so I signed the birth certificate.

[00:09:43] [SPEAKER_02]: I instantly knew that I was going to have a paternity test done but something else surprised

[00:09:48] [SPEAKER_02]: me.

[00:09:49] [SPEAKER_02]: When I brought our little girl home, I still fell in love with her.

[00:09:52] [SPEAKER_02]: It felt just like bringing my son, male 14 home and looking at her I still just saw her

[00:09:58] [SPEAKER_02]: as an innocent, beautiful little baby and we bonded.

[00:10:03] [SPEAKER_02]: The paternity test came back negative as I suspected it would and I decided that our

[00:10:07] [SPEAKER_02]: marriage was over.

[00:10:09] [SPEAKER_02]: I still loved our little girl though.

[00:10:11] [SPEAKER_02]: My then wife did everything she could to drag out the divorce and refused to separate or

[00:10:16] [SPEAKER_02]: move out.

[00:10:17] [SPEAKER_02]: My daughter's biological father, every bit as blonde and blue eyed as I suspected, turned

[00:10:22] [SPEAKER_02]: out to want nothing to do with her or my ex.

[00:10:26] [SPEAKER_02]: He was already married with his own family and his only focus was preventing the situation

[00:10:30] [SPEAKER_02]: from blowing back on himself too much.

[00:10:33] [SPEAKER_02]: My ex went totally nuts when both I and her affair partner rejected her and she made some

[00:10:39] [SPEAKER_02]: very unfortunate decisions.

[00:10:41] [SPEAKER_02]: To make a long story short, she ended up with prison time for crimes including identity

[00:10:45] [SPEAKER_02]: theft, assault with a deadly weapon and grand theft auto and she stole credit cards and

[00:10:50] [SPEAKER_02]: forged documents for both of us.

[00:10:52] [SPEAKER_02]: And when she stole her affair partner's car and tried to run him over with it, I ended

[00:10:57] [SPEAKER_02]: up with custody of our kids, with the affair partner never even attempting to establish

[00:11:01] [SPEAKER_02]: any kind of paternity rights.

[00:11:03] [SPEAKER_02]: I didn't want to press the issue myself as I couldn't deny that I had bonded with this

[00:11:07] [SPEAKER_02]: child, even knowing that she wasn't my real daughter.

[00:11:10] [SPEAKER_02]: I had been shunning my ex wife as best as I could and trying to move on with life after

[00:11:15] [SPEAKER_02]: she was finally out of the house.

[00:11:17] [SPEAKER_02]: It wasn't long before I got together with and married my current wife, female 34 and

[00:11:23] [SPEAKER_02]: we've since had another two children, male 10, female 8.

[00:11:27] [SPEAKER_02]: My eldest daughter is a total daddy's girl and we have a wonderful relationship.

[00:11:32] [SPEAKER_02]: She always feels loved and I treat her the same as my other kids, even though she obviously

[00:11:37] [SPEAKER_02]: stands out.

[00:11:38] [SPEAKER_02]: My family accepts her too, or at least that's what I thought.

[00:12:17] [SPEAKER_02]: I work for my father's company and the other day we were out talking about the future and

[00:12:25] [SPEAKER_02]: his will.

[00:12:26] [SPEAKER_02]: He was talking about what money and assets etc he wanted to leave whom, including his

[00:12:31] [SPEAKER_02]: grandchildren and I noticed that my older daughter had been left out.

[00:12:36] [SPEAKER_02]: I mentioned it to him and he said, it's nice what you've done for daughter's name, but

[00:12:41] [SPEAKER_02]: you have real children and obviously they should come first.

[00:12:45] [SPEAKER_02]: I interrupted him and told him she is my real daughter and that I thought she should be treated

[00:12:50] [SPEAKER_02]: equally.

[00:12:51] [SPEAKER_02]: He just paused and looked at me for a moment and he said, I guess you feel how you feel.

[00:12:56] [SPEAKER_02]: Before he noticed I was still about to argue with him and he shrugged and moved the conversation

[00:13:00] [SPEAKER_02]: onto things about work and my siblings.

[00:13:03] [SPEAKER_02]: I was too polite to try and force the matter at the time but it sort of stuck with me.

[00:13:07] [SPEAKER_02]: My father isn't the type of man to stop on a point and I'm certain that he's content

[00:13:12] [SPEAKER_02]: to have his peace and would let the matter drop.

[00:13:15] [SPEAKER_02]: He could suddenly tell what had upset me so I doubt he'd bring it up again.

[00:13:19] [SPEAKER_02]: Frankly, he sort of raised me the same way.

[00:13:22] [SPEAKER_02]: At the time I was shocked because he always seemed to accept my daughter as part of the

[00:13:26] [SPEAKER_02]: family.

[00:13:27] [SPEAKER_02]: He buys her gifts for her birthday and for Christmas.

[00:13:30] [SPEAKER_02]: He makes her feel welcome but thinking about it, he really is just a kind, polite and generous

[00:13:35] [SPEAKER_02]: man in a lot of ways.

[00:13:37] [SPEAKER_02]: He will and has bought Christmas gifts for high school friends or significant others

[00:13:41] [SPEAKER_02]: if he knew they were coming and the same for other gift giving occasions.

[00:13:46] [SPEAKER_02]: He's generally very hospitable to anyone his friends or family bring around.

[00:13:50] [SPEAKER_02]: So I thought that maybe it was just that and I misinterpreted.

[00:13:55] [SPEAKER_02]: My wife is Asian and so my eldest daughter always stands out.

[00:13:59] [SPEAKER_02]: She's thin and blonde and blue eyed unlike pretty much anyone else in my family and she's

[00:14:04] [SPEAKER_02]: taller than any other girl or even most of the other women really.

[00:14:08] [SPEAKER_02]: So I'm aware that she might look like the neighbors kid visiting or something.

[00:14:12] [SPEAKER_02]: My wife loves her and I know that she 100% accepts her as one of our kids and she has

[00:14:17] [SPEAKER_02]: been a great mom slash stepmom.

[00:14:19] [SPEAKER_02]: I talked to my own mother though and while she's definitely closer to my daughter than

[00:14:23] [SPEAKER_02]: my father is, they interact a lot more and she includes my daughter with the other kids

[00:14:28] [SPEAKER_02]: and other girls in the family traditions and activities.

[00:14:31] [SPEAKER_02]: I got a little bit of the same vibe from her.

[00:14:33] [SPEAKER_02]: She was much more diplomatic but it seems that she may also sort of consider my daughter

[00:14:38] [SPEAKER_02]: to be a sort of guest or unfortunate orphan on hosting or something like that.

[00:14:43] [SPEAKER_02]: She pointed out that I can make my own will however I want.

[00:14:46] [SPEAKER_02]: My daughter knows that she isn't biologically mine.

[00:14:50] [SPEAKER_02]: That would have been hard to hide even if we had really had the opportunity.

[00:14:53] [SPEAKER_02]: She doesn't want anything to do with either of her bio parents though.

[00:14:56] [SPEAKER_02]: She's seen her bio dad perhaps a handful of times in her entire life and I don't

[00:15:00] [SPEAKER_02]: even think he can remember her middle name.

[00:15:03] [SPEAKER_02]: He seems to have pretty successfully kept his family together and his wife from leaving

[00:15:07] [SPEAKER_02]: him but he definitely doesn't want any involvement.

[00:15:11] [SPEAKER_02]: My ex-wife continued to spiral for a long time and she lives in another state with another

[00:15:15] [SPEAKER_02]: man and her own family at this point.

[00:15:18] [SPEAKER_02]: She mercifully rarely makes contact.

[00:15:21] [SPEAKER_02]: I've never really tried to go after either of them for the money.

[00:15:24] [SPEAKER_02]: I don't need it and it's not a pot I want to stir.

[00:15:27] [SPEAKER_02]: My siblings are mostly supportive if a little bit mixed on the issue.

[00:15:31] [SPEAKER_02]: Some of them say that they could never raise a child if a partner's affair but all of

[00:15:35] [SPEAKER_02]: them say that they love and accept their niece.

[00:15:38] [SPEAKER_02]: I just can't get over the way that I feel distant and upset about what my father said

[00:15:42] [SPEAKER_02]: though.

[00:15:42] [SPEAKER_02]: He's an extremely kind and generous man and he's always taken care of his family.

[00:15:47] [SPEAKER_02]: He's given me opportunities in a lifestyle that I could have never achieved without him.

[00:15:51] [SPEAKER_02]: I love him and I look up to him.

[00:15:53] [SPEAKER_02]: Maybe that's why I sort of feel, I don't know, betrayed.

[00:15:56] [SPEAKER_02]: It feels wrong that she's the only one of his grandchildren to be left out of his will,

[00:16:01] [SPEAKER_02]: apparently because he doesn't consider her a real grandchild.

[00:16:05] [SPEAKER_02]: Intellectually I can accept that he's technically correct but it feels wrong.

[00:16:08] [SPEAKER_02]: She is my daughter.

[00:16:11] [SPEAKER_02]: Am I wrong though?

[00:16:12] [SPEAKER_02]: Am I just being entitled and unreasonable here?

[00:16:14] [SPEAKER_02]: Am I the asshole?

[00:16:17] [SPEAKER_02]: Jacoby says, I get why members of your family might consider you foolish for raising the

[00:16:22] [SPEAKER_02]: result of your ex-wife's affair but honestly it speaks well of your character that you

[00:16:27] [SPEAKER_02]: treat her as your own.

[00:16:28] [SPEAKER_02]: I wonder if your parents would be similarly non-acceptive if you had adopted a child

[00:16:32] [SPEAKER_02]: because practically that is what happened.

[00:16:35] [SPEAKER_02]: I wish you and your family the best, not the asshole.

[00:16:40] [SPEAKER_02]: Lorefox says, I think Opie should ask his parents that if I had adopted a child would

[00:16:44] [SPEAKER_02]: you feel this way about that child?

[00:16:46] [SPEAKER_02]: Okay because that's what I did.

[00:16:48] [SPEAKER_02]: I put my name on her birth certificate and raised her knowing she wasn't biologically

[00:16:52] [SPEAKER_02]: mine.

[00:16:53] [SPEAKER_02]: I adopted her and she's my daughter.

[00:16:57] [SPEAKER_02]: Liv Weston says, I agree and to be honest she was born into your family and you have

[00:17:01] [SPEAKER_02]: claimed her as your own child, same as if you had adopted her or brought her into the world

[00:17:05] [SPEAKER_02]: through birth.

[00:17:07] [SPEAKER_02]: That's very important to me and to be honest anybody that didn't want to accept that and

[00:17:11] [SPEAKER_02]: wanted to treat that child differently from my other kids would not be someone I'd want

[00:17:15] [SPEAKER_02]: to spend much time with any of my kids.

[00:17:17] [SPEAKER_02]: Not the asshole, I think you're an amazing dad.

[00:17:21] [SPEAKER_02]: And around 5 days or so later Opie comes in with an update and says just a small update.

[00:17:27] [SPEAKER_02]: Thanks for the comments and wishes.

[00:17:29] [SPEAKER_02]: It really put a lot of things into perspective and it confirmed to me that I needed to say

[00:17:33] [SPEAKER_02]: something.

[00:17:34] [SPEAKER_02]: Some people seem surprised at the way I let my daughter's bio parents off the hook so

[00:17:39] [SPEAKER_02]: to speak.

[00:17:40] [SPEAKER_02]: The main reason I've never tried to go after my ex or a fair partner for child support

[00:17:44] [SPEAKER_02]: is that my daughter is more important than money.

[00:17:47] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm not struggling at all and I have the support I need.

[00:17:50] [SPEAKER_02]: More importantly though, I have my daughter.

[00:17:53] [SPEAKER_02]: Even though the affair partner didn't apparently want anything to do with her.

[00:17:57] [SPEAKER_02]: My lawyer did mention way back in the day that either he or my wife being her biological

[00:18:02] [SPEAKER_02]: parents could have a strong case for seeking custody.

[00:18:05] [SPEAKER_02]: I know I'm biased but her bio dad seems like a huge asshole and I know he doesn't care

[00:18:10] [SPEAKER_02]: about her.

[00:18:11] [SPEAKER_02]: I wouldn't put it past him to try and get custody just to duck out of paying child support

[00:18:15] [SPEAKER_02]: though.

[00:18:15] [SPEAKER_02]: If his hand was forced.

[00:18:17] [SPEAKER_02]: And the idea of her having to go stay with him is just something I don't even want to

[00:18:21] [SPEAKER_02]: think about.

[00:18:22] [SPEAKER_02]: Kinda the same thing when her mom got out of prison.

[00:18:25] [SPEAKER_02]: She seemed like she was very quick to go shack up with her new guy and she seemed willing

[00:18:29] [SPEAKER_02]: to let the matter lie.

[00:18:31] [SPEAKER_02]: So I did the same.

[00:18:32] [SPEAKER_02]: The fact that neither of them tried to get her or in my ex's case, the way she hasn't

[00:18:36] [SPEAKER_02]: even bothered to keep much contact with our son either tells me more than everything I

[00:18:40] [SPEAKER_02]: need to know about the kind of parent they are or would be.

[00:18:43] [SPEAKER_02]: They only seem interested in their pre-existing slash new families respectively.

[00:18:48] [SPEAKER_02]: I wouldn't want to try to back them into trying to take custody.

[00:18:51] [SPEAKER_02]: With my daughter being 13 it's possible that we sort of run out the clock on that matter.

[00:18:57] [SPEAKER_02]: And it's still not drama we need or a risk worth taking.

[00:19:01] [SPEAKER_02]: In better and more important news though, I talked with my dad.

[00:19:05] [SPEAKER_02]: I met with my father for lunch which was easy enough as he's around most days and we could

[00:19:10] [SPEAKER_02]: sync up some time.

[00:19:11] [SPEAKER_02]: I mentioned that I wanted to talk about my daughter not being in his will.

[00:19:15] [SPEAKER_02]: I told him that even if it meant dividing what was being left to me and my other kids,

[00:19:20] [SPEAKER_02]: I felt it was really important for her to be included.

[00:19:23] [SPEAKER_02]: I also mentioned as I felt and as a lot of people pointed out that it would be devastating

[00:19:27] [SPEAKER_02]: for her to find out that she'd been excluded after his death.

[00:19:30] [SPEAKER_02]: My father agreed that that was a really good point and he said that she's a lovely girl

[00:19:35] [SPEAKER_02]: and he does love her and that he wouldn't want to add extra pain or bitterness to her

[00:19:39] [SPEAKER_02]: life especially at such a time.

[00:19:43] [SPEAKER_02]: Also, it had gotten around to him that I'd been sort of pulling my siblings a little

[00:19:46] [SPEAKER_02]: bit and I think my mum talked to him some and he said this is obviously very important

[00:19:51] [SPEAKER_02]: to you.

[00:19:52] [SPEAKER_02]: You are my son, you can just change it, it's not so much money anyways.

[00:19:57] [SPEAKER_02]: And he was right.

[00:19:58] [SPEAKER_02]: The amounts of money being left to individual grandchildren aren't massive but the gesture

[00:20:02] [SPEAKER_02]: and the thoughts are what's most meaningful.

[00:20:05] [SPEAKER_02]: Mostly everything is going to my mum or us his kids anyway.

[00:20:09] [SPEAKER_02]: Really, there was no reason for me to expect him to have been stubborn or hard-hearted about

[00:20:13] [SPEAKER_02]: any of this.

[00:20:14] [SPEAKER_02]: It was just something that we needed to talk about.

[00:20:17] [SPEAKER_02]: My father reiterated that everyone loves my daughter and that she'll always be family

[00:20:21] [SPEAKER_02]: and always have a home.

[00:20:23] [SPEAKER_02]: He has a gold bracelet that he has worn somewhat occasionally over the years and he mentioned

[00:20:28] [SPEAKER_02]: that my daughter thought it was pretty.

[00:20:30] [SPEAKER_02]: When she was very little, she noticed it on his wrist and said that jewelry was for girls.

[00:20:34] [SPEAKER_02]: He laughed and explained to her that sometimes boys wear jewelry too.

[00:20:38] [SPEAKER_02]: She thought it was nice and he let her try it on, even though it was way, way too big

[00:20:42] [SPEAKER_02]: for a wrist.

[00:20:43] [SPEAKER_02]: She was a little toddler then.

[00:20:45] [SPEAKER_02]: I didn't know about that moment between them and I thought it was really sweet that

[00:20:49] [SPEAKER_02]: he remembered.

[00:20:50] [SPEAKER_02]: He said that he was going to leave her the bracelet and a note that as far as money goes

[00:20:54] [SPEAKER_02]: she'd get the same share as the rest of my kids.

[00:20:56] [SPEAKER_02]: So we had a nice lunch and we both felt better for it.

[00:21:00] [SPEAKER_02]: Nothing too dramatic but really the best way things could have gone.

[00:21:03] [SPEAKER_02]: Thanks everyone for confirming that I wasn't being crazy and confirming that I needed to

[00:21:08] [SPEAKER_02]: talk to my father and set things right.

[00:21:10] [SPEAKER_02]: My thoughts through that story, especially the first part was like yeah what happens

[00:21:15] [SPEAKER_02]: when all the other children are being gifted something from their grandpa and then this

[00:21:22] [SPEAKER_02]: daughter is just on the sideline and is being basically told that she isn't the same as

[00:21:26] [SPEAKER_02]: everyone else.

[00:21:27] [SPEAKER_02]: That would sting wouldn't it?

[00:21:30] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm glad Opie and his father did have that conversation and came to some sort of resolution

[00:21:35] [SPEAKER_02]: out of it but now I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:21:38] [SPEAKER_02]: What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:21:41] [SPEAKER_02]: What's your thoughts and opinions on the matter?

[00:21:44] [SPEAKER_02]: Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:21:46] [SPEAKER_02]: Just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's

[00:21:49] [SPEAKER_02]: stories.

[00:21:50] [SPEAKER_02]: Your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me so thank you

[00:21:54] [SPEAKER_02]: so so much as always for being involved.

[00:21:56] [SPEAKER_02]: Truly I really do appreciate the time that you take out of your day to be involved.

[00:22:00] [SPEAKER_02]: It means the world and I will see you in the next one.

[00:22:03] [SPEAKER_02]: Take care and much love.

[00:22:36] [SPEAKER_00]: Dogs are not really trinnies.

[00:22:38] [SPEAKER_00]: They want to go out several times a day and play with other people.

[00:22:40] [SPEAKER_00]: Everyone has to know that themselves.

[00:22:42] [SPEAKER_00]: However, those who are out and about should be well insured.

[00:22:45] [SPEAKER_00]: The animal health insurance from Petolo offers full protection for your dogs and cats.

[00:22:49] [SPEAKER_00]: That means operation and health insurance.

[00:22:51] [SPEAKER_01]: With the coupon code trinnies you can get a free trial month with which you can use

[00:22:56] [SPEAKER_01]: all Petolo services for a month as well as test a video chat at Dr.Fressnapf for free

[00:23:00] [SPEAKER_01]: and without any fees.

[00:23:02] [SPEAKER_01]: You can find all the information on petolo.de slash trinnies.