Told My Fiancee Her Wedding Dress Is WAY TOO Extravagant r/Relationships

[00:00:16] Hey, what's all going on?

[00:00:33] Choice is WAY to Extravagant and Suggesting Alternatives.

[00:00:39] And it started off with the groom's post and said, sorry on mobile and throw away as she's

[00:00:45] a redder to her.

[00:00:46] We're getting married in July of this year.

[00:00:49] The venue is booked in the wedding is pretty much sorted.

[00:00:52] Emma has been researching dresses and has a little scrapbook of lots of dresses she likes

[00:00:57] for ideas but isn't now looking to buy.

[00:01:00] All that's left is to get the brightest maids dresses and her wedding dress.

[00:01:04] We jointly put aside 10k each for the wedding.

[00:01:07] Everything is paid and we have 6k left over, which I think could go towards the honeymoon.

[00:01:12] On top of the honeymoon fund we already had.

[00:01:14] We aren't the extravagant type at all.

[00:01:17] Then comes the time for Emma to pick a dress.

[00:01:20] I know everything is more expensive when it has the term wedding attached to it.

[00:01:24] What I was an expect in was a $950 dress plus $120 veil.

[00:01:32] I'm using my dad's old tucks he used for his wedding to my mom.

[00:01:35] Just had it taken in a little.

[00:01:37] Emma can't use her mom's dresses, her and her mom both say the style has an aged well, which is fair.

[00:01:44] Add a quick Google around that dresses online and there were so many and so many just

[00:01:50] like the one Emma wants for like $50 to $100.

[00:01:54] I'm not trying to get her to cheap out on her dress but she will literally wear it once.

[00:01:59] One dress for over $1000 is just insane.

[00:02:03] That would fund our honeymoon.

[00:02:04] I tried to show us some dresses I found on a recommended app called Wish and other websites but

[00:02:10] she was having none of it.

[00:02:12] She is very slim but apparently once it's specially fitted.

[00:02:16] It turned nasty unfortunately because I said I refused to drop

[00:02:19] such a large amount of money on the dress and she argued that she's using her own money for

[00:02:24] the dress which isn't strictly true as we are about to marry and our finances will be joined.

[00:02:31] Then her mom had to get involved.

[00:02:34] They offered to pay for the dress but it's not a case of not being able to afford it.

[00:02:38] It's a dress.

[00:02:40] There are identical ones online as a fraction of the cost.

[00:02:43] I thought she would be ecstatic to learn.

[00:02:46] There are identical dresses for a fraction of the cost but she was really angry and upset.

[00:02:51] I'm the asshole here.

[00:02:53] Is there something I am seriously missing because after we argued about the dress Emma had been

[00:02:58] extremely cold towards me?

[00:03:01] And yes, she said if I wanted to cheap out on her wedding dress or on her wedding day

[00:03:05] she needs to really consider if we are a good match for marriage.

[00:03:09] I'm blown away that she would say that over a dress.

[00:03:12] I told her she's like a toddler throwing a tantrum over a sparkly toy she can't have.

[00:03:18] That was a mistake because she left to stay with her parents who called to tell me

[00:03:22] I am much more than an asshole.

[00:03:25] I'm the asshole here.

[00:03:28] OP later edited the post and said Emma found this thread.

[00:03:32] It was a mistake to post here and I'm sorry I posted our problems on Reddit.

[00:03:35] I am the asshole.

[00:03:37] So there was a bunch of comments below this from OP as well but also some relevant comments

[00:03:43] with OP replying so OP first said but the gowns I found on wish looked very professionally made

[00:03:49] and very similar to the one she's picked.

[00:03:52] Obviously because of the website OP picked a lot of people were bashing on OP for that one.

[00:03:58] Another comment OP made said I mentioned a second hand wedding dress store and she said no

[00:04:02] without even going to take a look.

[00:04:04] People on the back of that comment was basically calling OP controlling here another comment

[00:04:09] OP made said that's not fair.

[00:04:11] I would never tell her what to wear she can wear what she wants it is the absurd price

[00:04:15] that I'm against another comment for OP says see I can definitely understand caring about the

[00:04:20] quality of their dress if there's a work dress or a regularly worn formal dress.

[00:04:25] I think what everyone's missing is this will be worn for one day.

[00:04:29] And people below that one were basically saying yeah everyone knows

[00:04:33] wedding dresses worn for one day OP because he just kept repeating it over and over again.

[00:04:38] I mean potentially she could be wearing it to two weddings at this rate but Mary Mary says

[00:04:44] Emma ask if your fiance's behavior here is a one off.

[00:04:49] There are some concerning things here.

[00:04:51] He's insistent on controlling your purchase made with your money even if it's funded by your

[00:04:56] parents.

[00:04:57] Is he controlling in other ways?

[00:04:59] Has he ever been insistent on you spending your time and money only in ways he approves of?

[00:05:04] And does he usually lash out when you don't do what he wants?

[00:05:08] The way he's resorting to name calling because he wouldn't capitulate to his demands,

[00:05:12] calling you a toddler throwing a tantrum instead of communicating with you respectfully.

[00:05:17] This is made especially worse by the fact that his demands are unreasonable and stemmed from

[00:05:22] a fundamental ignorance about the subject.

[00:05:24] Wedding gown cost.

[00:05:25] What knock-offs are and why they're a bad idea etc.

[00:05:29] And that he's shutting down your attempts to educate him.

[00:05:32] Does he normally communicate with you openly and respectfully?

[00:05:36] Does he normally get angry and verbally attack you when you disagree with him?

[00:05:39] Are you normally able to have conversations with him on difficult topics that I can't

[00:05:44] Respect for and productive even when you disagree?

[00:05:48] Maybe you're both cracking under wedding planning strain and this isn't out of character

[00:05:52] moment that you can work through, but maybe this is pointing to a larger pattern.

[00:05:57] Received with caution.

[00:05:58] Remember that you're about to end to into a pretty intense legal and social contract with

[00:06:02] this man, and that you're signing up for a lifetime of conflict resolution with this person in

[00:06:07] particular.

[00:06:08] The way you both approach disagreement and handle conflict now reflects how you'll be likely

[00:06:12] to continue to do so going forward.

[00:06:15] Now maybe the time to double check with yourself if this is the right move.

[00:06:19] Edit.

[00:06:19] After reading through the comments, I would also encourage you to look at his behavior here.

[00:06:24] On this Reddit post.

[00:06:25] His response to new information is not to take it on board and process it, but to double down.

[00:06:30] Plug his fingers in his ears, close his eyes and refuse to listen.

[00:06:33] The lengths here go to avoid admitting he was mistaken a habit troubling.

[00:06:38] It may also be worth asking yourself if there's a reason someone who's so insistent on

[00:06:42] always being right, may have for seeking out a partner who's a decade younger.

[00:06:47] I'm wishing you all the best and hope this works out for you.

[00:06:52] OPR response that says, I thought I'd have a look through the comments to see if anything

[00:06:56] explained why M has blocked me and our phone is ringing through the voicemail.

[00:07:00] I seriously can't believe people started a witch hunt over a dress.

[00:07:04] I watched some YouTube videos of wish-wearing dresses and yes, wish to try and get it.

[00:07:09] I was wrong about that site.

[00:07:11] But to end up being blocked because you've told that I am abusive and manipulative is just

[00:07:16] a call to parents house and the lines of the hook.

[00:07:19] Do you see this Emma call me please? I won't shout. I won't get mad. I just want to end this

[00:07:24] crap. Get whatever dress you want. I see that I was wrong and I'm sorry.

[00:07:29] Spelling's bad had some whiskey. Can you blame me after this?

[00:07:33] Mary Mary replies that and says, Edith too, based on Josh's newest comment about you blocking

[00:07:38] him on messenger. It sounds like you're taking some time and space to think things over.

[00:07:42] I think that's a really good move. There's a quiz from the love,

[00:07:46] is respect project that may help you clarify your thinking about whether this is a healthy,

[00:07:51] nurturing relationship. Everything turns out well for you Emma.

[00:07:54] Whatever you decide to do, there's a whole community of people here rooting for you to be happy.

[00:07:59] Edith 3 it looks like OP has been banned from Amidea.

[00:08:03] He just sent me a furious, invective filled PM.

[00:08:06] Laming this sub for what's happening in his personal relationship and reiterating that

[00:08:11] abusive behavior is normal and fine. So I guess he's learned nothing. According to the PM,

[00:08:17] Emma's dad just called him and chewed him out. So it sounds like at least she has a strong

[00:08:21] familiar support system. Mary Mary provided a transcript of the message that she was sent and said

[00:08:27] which was from OP, uh, the groom. I said, I'm now banned from Amidea, so I'm good fucking riddance.

[00:08:34] The dad just called to cut me the fuck out. Can you believe I'm in trying to not fucking

[00:08:39] cast, so I didn't get banned so I can at least defend myself then banned for no reason.

[00:08:44] I live in the real world where when people are angry they yell. They save money where they can.

[00:08:49] Don't fucking run away and block you. Fuck this, fuck it all.

[00:08:53] And fuck Emma for believing strangers on the internet over a fiancee of two fucking years.

[00:08:59] Cupcakes and vodka says Emma if you see this run for the fucking health.

[00:09:03] Men who are almost 40 married 27 year olds off to them because they're manipulative and going

[00:09:08] to put all shit of women his age went put up with. He's too old for you. You're seeing signs

[00:09:14] of this behavior now. 950 bucks for a wedding dress ain't shit. Is already trying to control

[00:09:20] them manipulate you in your fiancee and you aren't even married yet, you not go through with it.

[00:09:25] OP you're a massive asshole and she shouldn't marry you. OP says wow thanks seriously.

[00:09:31] She's been keeping up with this thread because she told me not to take it down.

[00:09:35] She wanted to read the reply and now she's blocked me on a messenger and my cause

[00:09:39] go to voicemail. Thanks a lot everyone. Couldn't have left it at your the asshole.

[00:09:43] Legitimately out for blood. Mob mentality if ever I saw it.

[00:09:49] So then the bride came in with her own post titled Me 23 female with my fiancee 43 male

[00:09:56] of one and a half years. It's humiliated me just a few months before I were wedding over my

[00:10:01] dress and I don't know what to do. I will change their name despite his inability to do the same.

[00:10:07] I don't really care if he sees this but he isn't subbed the relationships. I literally don't

[00:10:12] know where to start. I feel like I'm not saying well called Greg, I don't know what came over him.

[00:10:17] It's completely insane. Getting married summer the argument started over my wedding dress.

[00:10:23] I picked a very simple and traditional gown that was already discounted as it's an example

[00:10:28] gown. By absolute idiot of a fiancee decided to post to a subreddit asking for opinions or

[00:10:35] more likely validation and whether I was being unreasonable. My dress is under $1,000 but

[00:10:41] will come to around 1,500 with alterations. We have over 7,000 left in our budget.

[00:10:47] As another thing that seriously upset me, he lied in his post multiple times. I make a much

[00:10:53] higher salary than him so we agreed he would put 5k towards the wedding and I put it in the rest.

[00:10:58] But why lie? Why ask opinions if you skewed the details?

[00:11:03] Had no problem with this as he makes just above the minimum wage. A thread got way too much

[00:11:08] attention. I already gone to my parents because I was angry about him calling me immature and shouting

[00:11:14] about me being spoiled. I also happened to find the thread shortly after he made it because

[00:11:19] not only did he use my real name. His throw away Worcester's real name followed by his alarm pin.

[00:11:26] He sent me a text saying that he wasn't the asshole in this situation and I just knew he'd posted

[00:11:31] on Reddit. It's not the first time he posted on Reddit about stuff.

[00:11:36] But nothing of this magnitude. Anyway, I don't know what to do. There are people online now claiming

[00:11:42] to be me and it's been shared on Twitter and Facebook and I'm absolutely mortified.

[00:11:48] He got totally hammered last night and called my parents. I dad had to hang up on him because

[00:11:52] he was screaming down the phone and my mum was disgusted. I can't get my money back on the

[00:11:57] venue or anything. I recently started anti-depressants because I've been feeling low but now I just

[00:12:02] feel empty. This whole thing was about the cost of my dress and he suggested I use the wish app

[00:12:08] to get an identical gown. First he refused to listen to me that wish is garbage but he also argued

[00:12:14] it to death in the comments. I read every single comment in that thread and it was like being

[00:12:18] punched in the gut. I can't get over the odd lies either. Give out my real name and his but

[00:12:25] lied about the age gap and budget. I'm 23, he is 43. Admittedly he looks much younger and for the

[00:12:32] few weeks dating I thought he was in his early 30s. We also have only been together a year,

[00:12:38] not two years I think he said and I'm starting to think this was all too fast. I need help,

[00:12:44] I need advice. I know I'm quite possibly pot-coil in the kettle by posting the reddit but

[00:12:48] I post here a lot usually anyway and all the fake accounts claiming to be me might throw them

[00:12:53] anyway. I might be slow replying as I start working an hour. Thanks all. So the original OP, the

[00:13:02] casual husband, put up another post three months later in the dating advice subreddit saying

[00:13:09] struggling to get back into the dating scene since my fiance left me unexpectedly.

[00:13:17] They said a few months back I was going to be married and long story short things were called off.

[00:13:23] She wanted to end things I didn't and I feel like I've lost all my trust in women.

[00:13:28] I don't want to feel like the anymore. I was dating someone called Isabelle up until last week.

[00:13:33] She's really amazing in kind but the second she heard about my ex and Fiasco, a surrounded it,

[00:13:39] she ghosted me and it's become a pattern. At some point no matter how close we are getting

[00:13:44] I hear about it from my friend and it comes up somehow and they bail. I just want to know how to

[00:13:52] friend Casey when she broke up with me. She said the issue was that I hadn't changed from who I

[00:13:58] was when my fiance left me but I have a hardly drink at all now. My job is steady and I'm a good guy

[00:14:05] but I think the issue is that I'm suffering from small towns syndrome. Everyone knows everyone here.

[00:14:11] Back afterwards little town it is. Please give me advice on putting this behind me and honestly

[00:14:17] desperate. My life was about to move towards a phase and now I'm stuck in limbo.

[00:14:22] I need a girl to fill that place so I can move forward with my life and I'm just going to read

[00:14:27] the top comment from that post from Bazaarque the kid who says, I'm either guy that was really

[00:14:31] rooting and trolling over what your fiance wanted to buy with her own money. I saw your M.I.D.

[00:14:36] arseful story on YouTube and came to check you out. I was not surprised at your fiance left you.

[00:14:42] Actually I applaud if I're doing so. You need to work on yourself like seriously work on yourself

[00:14:48] drop the self-ish entitled attitude. No woman wants to be treated the same way you treated

[00:14:54] your ex fiance. I think the scariest part is how unawares your own up. A horrible behavior you are.

[00:15:00] You need a serious reality check first and you also need to understand why you're in the wrong

[00:15:05] because you're always blamed the woman you're with instead of yourself until you learn to take

[00:15:09] responsibility for your actions and examine your flaws. Don't punish any woman with your personality

[00:15:14] into you fix it. Good luck. My wordy wordy. When he said I need a girl to fill that place I can

[00:15:22] move forward with my life as a f***ing house, bells and it was like the fiance's slash bride said.

[00:15:30] It's like why do people create a post with skewed details on a throwaway account? I never understand

[00:15:36] that to validate themselves yet you're lying to validate yourselves. It's like another level of

[00:15:42] fitness really isn't it? But anyway, now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys

[00:15:48] make of this situation? Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on

[00:15:54] to another story. The next story comes from the MIVR soul subreddit from a throwaway account

[00:16:01] and says MIVR soul for refusing to wave my alamoony because my ex husband has cancer and can't afford it.

[00:16:08] Max has burned 56 male and I 52 female. What divorce because of his infidelity? He married his

[00:16:15] affair partner. She was a prostitute 20 years younger than me. As part of our pre-nupgell agreements,

[00:16:22] we had agreed that I would receive alamoony for being a stay at home mom. I was a stay at home

[00:16:27] mum for my entire marriage. We had three daughters. He never had a problem with paying alamoony

[00:16:32] after other vores. We had to be friendly to maintain a good copayringing relationship. My daughters

[00:16:38] were very hurt in the beginning but learned to forgive my husband and his wife. They make

[00:16:43] TikToks with their all the time now. Ended up getting cancer and because he became a big

[00:16:48] spender and had recently started his own business, the build had been hard on him. In his

[00:16:54] wife asked if I could wave my alamoony payments at least for a little while so they can pay for

[00:16:59] his cancer treatments. I see no reason why they can't downgrade their quality of life. They live

[00:17:04] in a multimillion dollar house and his wife is decked out in designer clothes and has a full

[00:17:09] face of procedures. I told them no and they have been pressing me to wave my alamoony payment.

[00:17:15] They've even made my daughters bring it up. He called me cold hearted and said,

[00:17:20] he'd been good to me. I would have helped me out if I was going through a hard time.

[00:17:25] I, the arse of, edit his early stage thyroid cancer is very treatable he's not going to die.

[00:17:35] The first commenter says from scene odd, I feel like there's more information that could influence

[00:17:40] a vote and there's an argument possible that both parties have some arse or behaviour.

[00:17:45] Go to a judge, let them decide or be more civil, ask to sit down with their minthig or out of plan.

[00:17:51] Maybe it's used up alamoony for two months while they adjust assets and redo their budget.

[00:17:56] If they aren't willing to redo a budget then this was likely attacked to get out of it and

[00:18:01] there they are sold either way tell them to keep your kids out of it. That's absolutely not okay.

[00:18:07] It's not their fault you guys divorced. There was also a bunch of people saying

[00:18:12] y'all they are sold some people called OPE vindictive. Another commenter says not the

[00:18:18] soul that they live above their means isn't your problem. They asked and you said no,

[00:18:23] that should have been it. But here's where I really feel you are not at fault. They keep

[00:18:28] harping after you said no. And they tried to use the kids. That's a seriously loathing to do.

[00:18:35] Any cause you named and says how good he's been after he cheated and it led to divorce.

[00:18:41] The alamoony isn't being good. That's caught mandated. He would have helped you out. Right?

[00:18:47] Easy to say now. He didn't help you out when he helped himself to another woman.

[00:18:52] If they really had a money crunch, they can probably sell cars or a house or take a loan against

[00:18:57] the house which they pay back when they downsize the house later etc.

[00:19:01] Basically there are many other avenues before the alamoony payments. They probably went for that

[00:19:06] because it would be the easiest if you just agreed. There's the wife not work.

[00:19:12] Act machine says not the asshole in Jesus. I'm going to assume it's all middle schoolers

[00:19:17] in the comments because good God. If he truly can't afford it, he can go back to court to try and

[00:19:22] have it reduced. She's not lazy. She was a stare at home mum who'd have an extremely tough time

[00:19:28] getting back into the workforce at this point because of sacrifices she made for him.

[00:19:33] He has a multi-million dollar house. No one needs that. If you can afford it great if not,

[00:19:39] well he's thought who cheated, knowing there was a clause for alamoony in the pre-num.

[00:19:44] Good Lord, read it sometimes. Commenter asks O.P. said info have either of you talked to a lawyer.

[00:19:52] O.P. said half is very unlikely my alamoony payments would be affected.

[00:19:56] illegally owes a lump sum amount that he pays in instalments.

[00:20:01] There was a commenter talking about him who deliberately chose not to get any health insurance

[00:20:05] and hope you responded to him. The man has never planned that anything in his life.

[00:20:09] He's an incredible salesman but he lacks other critical skills like discipline.

[00:20:14] He should have known that opening up his own business came with its own risks.

[00:20:17] He always needed the structure of a job to succeed. He has early stage thyroid cancer which

[00:20:23] is very treatable. He can easily afford his treatments with an adjustment in lifestyle but

[00:20:28] he knows it won't keep his wife. Being the mother of his children means Jack shit to him.

[00:20:33] It's only the legality that binds him. I think it's safe to say the majority of the

[00:20:39] comments on this post were leading towards not the asshole but there was quite a few

[00:20:44] y'all the assholes in there as well but now I'm going to turn this one to you guys what do you

[00:20:49] guys make of this situation? Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below and just

[00:20:55] a huge thank you for being here today for getting involved in the stories you'll love,

[00:20:59] support your time, always means the absolute world to me so thank you so so much for being

[00:21:04] involved and hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.