Told My Ex-Husband Our Kids Are JUSTIFIED In Feeling Like They Don't Have A Father r/Relationships

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from GlitteringMail117 from the AmITheArseOheia subreddit. And it says,

[00:00:26] Am I in the wrong for telling my ex-husband that our kids are justified in feeling like they don't have a father? I'm 33 and have two kids, 12 and 8. I divorced their dad when I discovered he was cheating on me with a mum from our younger son's school group. Despite that betrayal, I agreed to share custody because I wanted my kids to grow up with their father in their lives. However, since the divorce, he's only been around when he's picking them up for visits.

[00:00:55] He often goes out with his stepchildren but rarely includes our kids, claiming those out-ins are spur of the moment and can't always include them. Eventually, I stopped pushing, but I've always thought it was unfair that he keeps his distance from our children's lives. Recently, I decided to upgrade my older son's computer and he asked if we could give his old one to his cousin, my brother's son.

[00:01:19] My brother has been a huge support for my kids. He's always available to take them to their school events when I can't and often takes them out to the park for trips when I'm busy. My ex, on the other hand, is rarely available for them. Anytime I ask him for help with an activity, he has an excuse. He's out of town or swamped with work. Ironically though, whenever his stepkids need something, he's there. Once, he even argued with a stepkids father at a school event, insisting he had the right to be there.

[00:01:49] When my ex found out, I gave the computer to my nephew. He got upset. He complained that if I had money to spare on a gift like that, I should have forgiven two months of child support he'd missed since his finances were tight with a new baby. He added that if I could give away a computer, I should have gifted it to either his kids or his stepkids, who shared just one computer among the three of them. I told him my finances were none of his business and that I owed nothing to his stepchildren.

[00:02:18] And his wife jumped into the conversation, accusing me of spoiling my son by giving him a new computer and of being petty for letting my son bring it to their house, claiming it was just a show off in front of his step-siblings. I told her she had no right to speak to me that way or question my decisions. I added that I allow my kids to see their father so they can grow up with him in their lives, not so she can interfere with how I parent.

[00:02:43] My ex was offended, but I told him this whole situation could have been avoided if his wife hadn't inserted herself where she doesn't belong. After that, things seemed to calm down until last week. I went to pick up the kids and my ex was visibly upset. He explained that he'd tried reading a bedtime story to our youngest. At home, he still likes to be read to before bed, usually by me or my brother. And when none of us are around, he listens to audiobooks.

[00:03:12] Apparently, my ex wanted to make an effort to connect, so he offered to read it to him. But our son turned him down, saying he didn't need him for that because he could do it himself. My ex stayed to listen as he searched for a story for eight-year-olds without a dad on his tablet, and it hit him hard. The next day, my ex offered to take our older son to basketball practice, but he replied that he'd be going with his dad. He quickly corrected himself and said, Uncle. That made my ex even angrier.

[00:03:42] And when I came up to pick up the kids, he confronted me about it. I told him that if our kids feel like they don't have a father, he's only himself to blame. He tried to shift the blame onto me, saying I was the one pushing him away from his role. I told him it's up to him to show up for his kids, not something I can do for him. I reminded him he was the one who broke our family, and he's chosen to be more involved with his stepkids than with his own children. I told him not to kid himself.

[00:04:10] The kids are growing up, and they're starting to see the reality of who he is as a father. If he keeps this up, he can't expect much from them in the future. After that exchange, his mom called me. While she's always been polite to me, I felt the need to say that I would have appreciated the same concern from her when she supported her son's affair, knowing her grandchildren were losing their father in the process. She hung up, and we haven't spoken since. My brother advised me that I had every right to express how I feel,

[00:04:40] but he suggested that maybe this discussion shouldn't have happened in front of the kids. Later, my ex texts me saying that if I weren't so difficult, he'd spend more time with them. I told him his duty as a father doesn't depend on whether I'm easy or not, and he knows I've never prevented him from seeing the kids. The truth is, when he has to choose, he prefers outings with his stepkids over his own children, and that's something only he can change. It's exactly like you said.

[00:05:08] The older the kids get, and the more this behavior continues, the kids are going to feel like that, and they're justified in feeling like that. It sounds like you've given him ample opportunity to step up and be in their lives, and be a good father. And him getting involved in the computer, and the ex's partner getting involved saying you're spoiling the shit. Like you said, it's nothing to do with him at all. Take their nose out. And instead of taking accountability for his actions, he wants to blame you. He wants to keep turning it around,

[00:05:37] so he's trying to shirk his responsibilities with child support at the same time, saying he deserves to be let off a couple of months. Absolutely not. This is all his doing and his responsibility. But Lap Steel Guitar says you can only do so much OP, and don't let him off the hook for any child support. The fact that it's stretching his budget is a him problem, not a you problem. And I agree with your brother that the conversation should not have happened in front of the kids, but if I understand correctly,

[00:06:06] your ex chose the time and place, not giving you much choice in the matter. Not the arsehole. Amazing Reserve says, I love how if she had extra money she should forgive child support, but him already knowing money was tight, wasn't a reason to not have another kid. Ancient Wishbone quotes OP, saying my ex stayed to listen, as he searched for a story for eight-year-olds without a dad on his tablet. And then says, Your kid is ruthless. Good for him. Not the arsehole.

[00:06:36] So OP comes in with a first update and says, These past days have been a bit unusual. First, I want to thank all of you. I didn't expect to receive so much advice, and I never thought this app would be so useful. It's not very popular in my country. Now back to the topic. Mike sent me messages saying he wanted to resolve things, stop arguing, and talk to me. I agreed. He came to my house, and we didn't beat around the bush. We went straight to the point. He asked me if I really thought he was a bad father.

[00:07:06] I replied that looking back now, I never would have chosen him to be the father of my children. He said it wasn't easy for him, and I answered that it wasn't easy for me either, because I take on both his role and mine. He told me he couldn't leave his stepchildren without a father, because he has already broken their family. And I replied that he had left his own children without a father. He started crying and told me it was my fault, saying that when the infidelity happened, I refused to forgive him or go to couples therapy.

[00:07:35] I kept telling him things, I'll admit they weren't kind, but none of them were lies. He asked me if, given his current state, I didn't feel sorry for him, and I said no. He told me he didn't think I could be so cruel, and I replied that when I changed jobs, pulled my kids out of school two months before the end of term, moved houses, and watched him disappoint our kids over and over again, any empathy I might have felt turned into apathy. He left after that.

[00:08:03] His mother called me and said she knew what I had told her son, that he hadn't stopped crying, and that she didn't understand how I could carry so much hatred to hurt her son like that. She said I should just get over it. I answered, with all due respect, what I said wasn't out of hatred, but out of truth. If your son is crying, it's because he's finally facing the consequences of his actions. Maybe instead of worrying about how he feels now, you should have taught him to take responsibility,

[00:08:31] and treat people with respect. She said I didn't know what it was like to feel a mother's love, and see a child suffer, and I replied that I did understand, because I have two children who cry over a living father. Two children who see their dad being a father to other kids, when he doesn't have time to be their father. She said he was sorry, and I told her not to put words in his mouth, and stop calling me about anything related to her son. I hung up. I wanted to cry so badly,

[00:09:00] but I'm a damned mother, and I don't have time for that. I want my kids to feel safe, loved, and strong enough not to need anyone, not even me, to be themselves. Last Thursday, I took my kids to their cousin's birthday party, hosted by my ex-sister-in-law. I still have a good relationship with her. She was the one who told me about the infidelity, and that her mother was already encouraging it. My ex showed up alone and irritated. My kids kept their distance from him.

[00:09:30] They kissed his hand, but they ignored him completely. My ex-mother-in-law told the kids they should show more respect to their father, and my eldest replied that he doesn't show respect for me, since he and his partner talk badly about me. I scolded my son, not for what he said, but for how he addressed his grandmother. I told him it was wrong to eavesdrop on private conversations and repeat them. Then I asked him to gather his things, because we were leaving. My ex-mother-in-law asked me not to leave, saying the kids were having fun,

[00:09:59] and we could resolve this as adults. She asked my ex what he had said, and he claimed not to remember. I told her I didn't care, and she said we should be good parents. I replied that to be good parents, you need to be good people first. Whew. My ex was getting agitated. My ex-mother-in-law asked why we couldn't have a civilized co-parenting relationship. I told her everything I've mentioned here, about his free will to see the kids, and how the second custody agreement isn't working,

[00:10:27] since he only sees them some weekends. My ex didn't want to discuss it, saying he had too many kids at home. My ex-mother-in-law told him the only kids who should feel comfortable are his, and the comfort of others should be provided by their biological father. Max wanted to end the conversation, because his mother was scolding him for being a careless father. He also said it was my fault. I asked him to clarify how it was my fault. You can see the kids whenever you want. What more do you want? He started yelling,

[00:10:57] claiming I was only being petty because I didn't need the money since I earned more than him, and had fewer kids to feed. I told him I wouldn't continue the conversation, and I'd show him what being uncivilized looks like by filing for the overdue child support payments. His mother asked what I meant by overdue payments. I explained that he was three months behind. She was furious, slapped him, and demanded to know what he had done with the money for his children. He answered, I couldn't let Junior miss out

[00:11:26] on attending the same school as my son. I didn't want him to feel inferior. Max' mother-in-law said she couldn't believe it, and they started arguing. I left. Yet, for context, my youngest son attends a private school, and my ex pays for his stepson to attend the same school. Yesterday, my ex-mother-in-law came over and said she would pay the overdue fees. She brought the money in cash. I knew my ex would be furious. Here's some context. My ex-mother-in-law doesn't work,

[00:11:56] doesn't own anything herself, and lives with my ex-sister-in-law. However, she does have significant savings from her inheritance. If she pays the tuition, my ex knows there won't be much left for him when she passes, even though she's still healthy. He's been asking her for years to invest some of that money in his business ideas, but she's always refused. My ex's retaliation was not picking up the kids this weekend. Yesterday, my ex-sister-in-law called me. She doesn't know all the details yet, but apparently,

[00:12:25] my ex's 15-year-old stepson punched him in the mouth. She said she'll let me know exactly what happened once she finds out. And before anyone asks, the new custody agreement will likely take a year to finalize. The court says the overdue payments are the priority and the rest can wait. We have more urgent cases. Duh-duh. Xing. I got a job offer for Xing. And that in these times. And now I'm doing exactly the same as before. It's the same industry, the same job.

[00:12:55] I have almost the same office. I get a few thousand euros more. Xing helps you to earn more. Find job offers and tips for your next health conference. Xing. Das Jobs Netzwerk. Snoo Woofers says on the back of this one, at least his mama finally got some fucking sense. Her son is a piece of shit. Glass Girl says he obviously fed her a line of bullshit when she was defending him. Odd Welcome says, when the evil mother-in-law

[00:13:25] turns on a spoiled child, you know he was 100% wrong. It's not even a question of perspective anymore. Unusual Potato says the chef's kiss was being punched by the stepson he prioritized his own kids over. But he feels utterly ridiculous now. OP came in with another update and says, a promise is a promise. As I mentioned earlier, my ex's stepson had an altercation with him because my ex refused to let him go out. Now I have more details.

[00:13:55] My ex's stepson had plans to go bowling with some friends. His biological father had already given him permission and money for the outing. However, when he told his mother, she said he couldn't go because they needed him to stay home and watch his younger siblings. My ex and his wife had planned an outing and needed someone to stay with the kids. This led to an argument. The boy raised his voice to his mother and my ex stepped in to demand that he respect her. The boy replied that he wasn't his father,

[00:14:24] trying to maintain authority. My ex told him that as long as he lived under his roof, he had to follow his rules. The boy ignored him and turned away. My ex followed him and touched his shoulder to get his attention. At that moment, the boy turned around, punched him and shouted that he wasn't his father and could never compare to him. The mother scolded him for his behavior, but the boy, still angry, shouted back that he hated her. This version was shared by my ex and his wife to my ex-mother-in-law.

[00:14:54] My sister-in-law later relayed it to me. They went to see my ex-mother-in-law to try and gain her sympathy and convince her to take care of the kids, the two stepchildren and the baby so they could go out. However, my ex-mother-in-law told them she would not take care of the children. When I spoke to my ex, he mentioned he was dealing with family issues and claimed that the boy's biological father was turning him against him. He didn't give me many details and admitted most of what my sister-in-law had shared. He simply informed me

[00:15:23] that due to the situation, he wouldn't be able to pick up our children this weekend. The 15-year-old boy is now staying with his biological father. As for what I mentioned earlier, my ex was two months behind on child support and that same week, he was supposed to make another payment. He didn't, leaving him three months behind. In the end, his mother was the one who covered the overdue amount. Regarding the child who attends the same school as my son, it's not the 15-year-old involved in the altercation.

[00:15:52] It's his younger stepbrother who is eight years old, the same age as my son. I decided to enroll my son in that school when the affair became public. At the time, I was working as a kindergarten teacher at the same school and the boy had been one of my students. We all knew each other and to protect my children from rumors, I transferred them to a private school. This happened two months before the school year ended. Thanks to the circumstances and the support of some kind people, we managed to get them admitted.

[00:16:23] GD Ron says, so even after the punch in the argument, they still wanted to go out. What a pathetic excuse for parents. Hope their marriage eventually falls apart. Yeah, I was thinking about that as well. I was actually shocked by that. I know it's not the most shocking thing in this story, but after everything that's gone on, your children being pushed away by yourself and telling you that, the stepson then turning around and punching you and they're just like, oh yeah, let's go out for the evening. Go and grab a bite to eat.

[00:16:53] We just need to find a babysitter. It's like, what the fuck is going on? What are your priorities here? And I just found myself feeling for OP, of course, after everything she's been through. But for all the kids in this, all these people that's had their lives turned upside down because of their selfish choices, and again, instead of taking responsibility for this, taking a step back and just saying, yeah, I've absolutely fucked up here. I'm sorry for the hurt I've caused

[00:17:22] and just trying in some way, it might not be possible ever, but just trying in some way to lessen the damage that you've caused instead of doubling down and blaming everyone else for your problems. It's just so shit. But Carolina Mama says not only did they want to go out, but it's funny how he had money to take his new wife out but not pay child support for his two bio children. Whatever says, I think it's funny that because of the altercation, he said he couldn't take his own children for the weekend.

[00:17:52] So yeah, the 15-year-old was right. The man would never compare to the kid's father. The kid's own father is a better man. Libra Harper Serene says a true father would prioritize his children's needs, especially during a conflict. Instead, he uses the situation to avoid his responsibilities. But now, I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below

[00:18:22] and let's move on to another story. Now, this next story comes from our very own subreddit, the r slash mark narration subreddit from extra assignment 1387. And it's some work-related drama. Lovely. It says, the office holiday decoration wars. I can't use my main because some of my friends are on it and they are part of this office crazy. So throw away because I can't not share this.

[00:18:52] To boost morale because our jobs have gone back into the office scene rather than just letting us work from home like gods, our office has decided on decorating competitions for the different seasons. The winner or winning group gets a few gift cards and a basket of goodies with their office pictures on our website and Facebook. Overall, it's been pretty chaotic and so many problems. Christmas is on the horizon and the competition has heated up. Backtracking to Halloween.

[00:19:21] The announcement was made sometime in September and not very many were interested. They thought it was stupid and annoying complaining it wouldn't do anything. Enter Linda. Fake name. 40s female. Linda took this chance to decorate and ran with it. Apparently, her house is the top-notch one of the neighborhood every year for every holiday. Days after the email, she dragged her poor husband in and had him help move all the furniture out of her office. She laid down

[00:19:51] black carpet, changed her light fixtures, changed the lights, added fake candles, switched out to a boring office desk for a coffin-shaped one and more. The curtains were replaced with spider web lace. The chair was replaced by a creepy bench. She added rent-a-friendly peelable wallpaper. There was a mini fog machine and creepy music, pumpkins and more. This was far beyond what HR, management and our owner had predicted. But it started a fire.

[00:20:21] Literally, I hope. In days, offices became witch hunts, mad scientist workstations and organ-filled bloody messes. People in cubicle sections banded together, making mini haunted houses or jump scares, creating graveyards or apocalyptic zombie moments. Desks were designed for style rather than functionality. People came in with costumes to wear when not in meetings with outside clients. Normal internal meetings now had clowns, zombies, ghosts and more.

[00:20:51] People began bringing in themed snacks for their desk display. IT was a strobe light show. People started standoffs in the hallways. People began nitpicking at others' ideas. Someone smashed a cake into a clown's face. A desk was thrown. People spent more time at the office after hours to work and scare each other shitless. There was a Jacko clown thing that would pop up randomly and scare people in the break room. No one knows

[00:21:21] who put it there. Management played eerie music daily. Needless to say, Linda won round one. Last week, Linda began again with Christmas decorating. She had a red carpet, green curtains, a freaking small Christmas tree. It's small, real and smells nice. She is designing. She's changed her light fixtures again. She is wearing Santa outfits. She warned us her husband will be in tomorrow to help her carry things. The poor man looked so defeated

[00:21:50] last time. Had to ask how his house worsened. He said their garage wasn't for the cars. It was for decorations. Others have been hauling in totes and boxes of different things. The cubicle section has entirely banded together. They were doing a big ass winter scene with a fake sleigh for pictures and things. They're building the sleigh from cardboard. Everything is white. They're making paper snowflakes to hang from the ceiling. Someone from an office wanted to do a snow scene and was shouted down

[00:22:20] for stealing ideas. If anyone wants an update on this, let me know. I was just like, what the hell is going on here? It sounds like the management's in on it as well. Any company that I've worked for and they might allow you to, you know, decorate a desk, something like that. But to start doing the whole office, changing light fixtures, wallpaper, carpets, people will just be going like, nah, you can't be doing that just for health and safety. When OP said it started a fire. Like, I thought

[00:22:50] they meant literally like the smoke machine or something caught fire. I thought, fuck it hell. I like those little tribes forming, like the cubicle section all banded in together. Like I told you before, I worked for a company that had a warehouse attached to it and upstairs was a core center and it was like very much cubicles. And that whole building was very tribal, like the core center. They were, you know, they barely interacted with anyone else but they had a good bond between them and done stuff together. You had accounts who didn't socialize

[00:23:20] with anyone else, the IT department, warehouse, well there was only three of us. They tried getting us all to bond at one point by having like a company day. After a meeting we all had to, you know, they basically went through every person in the company went A, B, C, A, B, C and then you all grouped together with your relevant letter. So the groups were all mixed up and they'd done stuff like trying to teach everyone to juggle and then you had to perform as a group at the end in front of everyone. It was just like the most awful thing. I was like, oh fuck,

[00:23:50] I just want to do my work. I'm just here for that. I was just like, no, I'm not standing in front of the whole company trying to juggle. And I'm all up for like socializing to a point, you know, sitting down with another team, you know, over a beer just chatting about their lives and what their interests are and stuff but acting like a literal fucking clown in front of the company wasn't it for me. I play anyone that does love that sort of stuff though. But anyway, I've gone on again. What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:24:19] Have you got your own office-based drama? Don't forget to share it over at r slash mark narration so I can tag them on at the end of our updated stories because I do love to hear it. And just a huge thank you for being here today, getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me so thank you so much for being here and hopefully we'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.