Told My Brother He Can't Come To Christmas With Me If He Brings His Prosthetic Leg r/Relationships

[00:00:02] Als Kind ist einfach alles um einen herum riesengroß. Kinder haben Bedürfnisse, die man als Erwachsener zum Teil falsch einschätzt. Verschenkt man zum Beispiel eine Babypuppe, ist diese oft zu groß für kleine Kinderhände. Als Einstieg für Kinder ab einem Jahr eignet sich daher viel besser die Babyborn Lena in 36 Zentimeter. Sie lässt sich leicht herumtragen und ist mit ihren altersgerechten Spielfunktionen perfekt auf die kleinsten zugeschnitten. Füttern, spielen, Fläschchen geben und aufs Töpfchen gehen. Alles kinderleicht.

[00:00:35] Hey Waffle Gang, Happy Christmas! I hope you have a wonderful day ahead of you. This is going to be our Christmas compilation. We've sort of done this year on year. As you're cooking up a storm in that kitchen, having your Christmas lunches, whatever you're up to today, I wish you a wonderful day ahead of you. A huge thank you for sticking with me all year and just being absolutely wonderful to myself, to each other, to the people in the stories. You are absolutely amazing.

[00:01:04] Please never forget that. Merry Christmas and let's get into today's stories. Today's first story comes from Appropriate Elk2603 from the Am I the Asshole Here subreddit does have an update of course and says, Am I the Asshole Here for telling my brother he cannot stay with me over Christmas if he brings his prosthetic leg? My younger brother has a prosthetic leg. I think it's creepy as fuck and I have no idea where he got it from.

[00:01:33] I'm reasonably certain that it is something I would rather not know. To be clear here, my brother has two perfectly healthy legs still attached to his body. Say what now? He just has this thing he takes with him everywhere. I don't know why. I don't want to know. Before you ask, yeah, it's probably a mental health thing. He wanted to stay with me rather than our parents while he is home for the holidays.

[00:02:00] I said he was welcome to stay as long as he doesn't bring that thing into my house. He said it wasn't a big deal and that he would leave it in his luggage. I agreed on the condition that if I saw it outside of his luggage in my home, then I had the right to destroy it. He backtracked on staying with me and is at our parents' house, where he is miserable. They still treat him like a little boy instead of a guy who is almost 30. He called me again after supper and asked to please stay with me.

[00:02:27] I said he could as long as we, together, took his thing and put it into a storage unit until he leaves. I get the key. He won't do it. He says that I'm being a bitch for not letting him stay with me. I think he needs to get therapy or medication or both. Or a girlfriend, boyfriend, dog, cat, hamster, something. Just not a GD prosthetic leg. Now, I think the top comment on this one is going to sum up a lot of people's thoughts. It certainly summed up mine.

[00:02:56] This was from BodybuilderKitchen45, by the way. Progression of my reactions. Title, oh yeah, you fucking suck. Of course, we're all going to think that, right? First paragraph, what do you mean? Second paragraph, huh? Third paragraph to the end. What the fuck? Captain Sean says, I know, right? I was like, that's really mean. Oh, he has two whole legs. Chris 1986 says, I know this is extremely distressing for you, but I'm laughing so hard.

[00:03:25] At first, I was like, is this asshole serious? She won't let her brother bring his leg. Like his whole last leg, he needs to walk on because he's literally lost a leg in some horrible accident. But then you clarified both, he has healthy legs and is still attached and I lost it. Not the asshole, but you and I are not the same. I would need to know. All of it. Where did you get it? Why do you have it? What do you do with it? Did you steer it off a bum or something?

[00:03:51] And I would stare at him uncomfortably until he broke and told it all to me. I may later regret my decision, but I don't often think that far into the future when something catches my attention. Polly says, an emotional support prosthetic leg. That's a new one. Fantastic Warning says, her brother won it in a raffle and it came all the way from France in a crate marked Fragile.

[00:04:15] The leg is actually a lamp and it wears a black fishnet stocking, a black high heel shoe and a fringed lampshade. Dan says, I'm a prosthetist and I have to ask, what does this leg even look like? Below knee or above knee? Does it just have the pylon bear? Or is there a foam covering so that it sort of looks like a leg? Is there a foot shell on it? Or is the foot component just sort of hanging out?

[00:04:41] The reason I'm asking is because A, prosthetic anything is mind-bogglingly expensive. And B, you can't just have a prosthetic leg if you have two perfectly healthy legs. You literally need a stunt to make one that's specifically yours. Did your brother receive it from someone? Did he steal it? And just to be sure, it's an actual prosthesis and not a leg brace of some kind. I've had patients and their families make that mistake before.

[00:05:05] OP says, it looks like a carbon fiber cup with a steel knee and lower leg and foot. Dan then replies to OP and says, AK prostheses are not cheap. There's an entire car right there. I would actually grill your bro on where he got it because it is 100% not his. If he stole it, he's looking at a felony slash grand theft charges. If he bought it, check his and your parents' financials because again, these things are insanely expensive and he doesn't sound like the brightest bulb.

[00:05:35] Make sure he does not try to sell the prostheses or any of his components. I get that they can be hard to get for the people who need them the most, but if the components are damaged in any way, it can lead to gnarly injuries for when they inevitably fail. If you truly do want to get rid of it, there are organizations out there that will take old prostheses and refurbish them. I love it when an expert on specific subjects join the chat. Gin and Tonic with Dog says, out of interest, what happens to prosthetics when their owner dies?

[00:06:05] Do they get refitted to someone else? Not the arse offer that wants to get in your house though. OP says, unfortunately, the vast majority get tossed. The socket is specific to the owner and you can't really adjust them to someone else's limb due to the material and the fact that everyone else's stump is different. Components such as the knee and foot are technically reusable, but a lot of the time they've been used enough you can't pass them on with a good conscience. The only times I've ever seen components reused is if the patient tried them on during test fittings

[00:06:34] and they didn't like it, basically less than one hour of use, or they happened to pass away before they even got to put them on. The OP did come in with a short update around 11 days later and says, I didn't realize how much attention this was going to get. Enough that someone informed the woman my brother stole it from and she was able to figure out what happened. She called the cops and he got arrested. I guess he was sort of trying to do the thing where he could be the hero that tracked down her leg.

[00:07:03] Please don't ask me what the fuck was going through his head. The leg was expensive enough that he is facing real criminal charges. That's all. Sorry there's not more to tell. Couple of comments on the back of that gold magic up says, I remember reading this originally and wondering why the hell he needed to take that leg around everywhere with him. I feel like he would have returned it way sooner if he wanted to play the hero. The potential speech says, That's wild. I wonder why he wanted to bring it with him though.

[00:07:32] As he obsessed with the woman, he has to carry the leg with him all the time. I mean, stealing it is one thing, but carrying it around all the time. If he tried to be the hero, he could have hid it. Sounds more like a weird obsession. I don't think he wanted to give it back to be the hero. I have so many questions, but I'm glad the woman will get her leg back. This is something I never thought I would ever say. I think I'm with those comments there. It doesn't feel like he was trying to play the hero at all. I mean,

[00:08:00] why did he have to take it around everywhere with him? What was the end game in this? So many questions, but I think we still got enough info in that particular update. Holy moly. My thoughts also go to the lady that owned the leg as well. How terrifying must that have been for her? That you rely on like that, just be stolen. Must be absolutely terrifying for that person. And how long has he had that leg for? It sounds like because, you know, OP was like, you can't bring that thing with you.

[00:08:30] Like he's been carrying it around for quite a while. It felt like, and did the parents know about this leg? Why is everyone cool with this guy? Just carrying your leg around. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What? I'm asking you, what do you think about this situation? I imagine you're just like I am right now. I'm like, what the fuck? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Now, over on Twitter this morning, I had a little notification from Karen,

[00:08:59] who shared a story with us, which is titled, My Mother Has Sticky Fingers. It does have an update as well, from Competitive Oil 5227, from the r slash hotels subreddit. Oh, I like a different subreddit. I'm excited. So, my mother has sticky fingers. Today, I got a package in the post from my mother, which was odd, as she just came to visit me in Chicago over Christmas. I open it, and there's a two foot tall,

[00:09:28] excuse the pronunciation here, Baccarat Crystal Vase, and a post-it note that says, please call me, love mom, stuck to it. I'm perplexed, as I'm not a fancy crystal vase kind of guy. Well, turns out, that she was staying in a fancy suite at a hotel over Christmas, that had this object displayed, and she took a liking to it. So much so, that she took it with her. As I looked at it, I could see chunks of that white putty, that people use to stick things down with, so,

[00:09:58] she literally must have pried it off. And the hotel noticed, as they added a $1200 line item to the bill that arrived. My mother apparently does not like it that much. She also removed the robe, but I guess she is okay with paying $125 for that item, as it was not included in her package. So, it's now my job to take this back to the hotel, and explain to some poor desk person, that my mother took it in error, and could you please remove it from the bill?

[00:10:27] Please tell me that they will do this. If they don't, I will feel the full wrath of an old lady, as anything less than a refund, will be seen as a failure on my part. So, some of the comments on this one, ObjectiveWelcome73 says, call hotel, explain mum has a mental challenge, and offer to bring it in. Apologise and throw your mum under the bus, and hope they pity her, or pity you. LingenberryPryor6896 says, let them know she is being evaluated for dementia.

[00:10:57] Of course, she can't stay there again. Amanda Maelstrom says, if you call, explain and apologise up and down. Hotel management might let it go. I tend to be a lot more sympathetic, to the long-suffering family members, of my problem guests, than said guests themselves. Just make it clear, that you are mortified, by your mother's behaviour. But on a ranty tangent, why can't people stop stealing our decorations? We try so damn hard, to make our hotels pretty, and welcoming, and guests just keep ruining it.

[00:11:27] They stole my cute little, bobble-headed leprechauns, on St. Patrick's Day. They unscrewed the pineapples, atop the luggage carts. They somehow carried off, gorgeous antique model ship, that was nailed to the fireplace mantle. They tried to steal a whole sofa, from the conference centre. I think the worst was a few weeks ago, when a guest stole, all of the shower curtain rings. Just the rings. They folded up the shower curtain. I'm just saying, if anyone thinks, that modern hotels lack charm, there's a damn good reason why. All of our charm,

[00:11:56] got freaking stolen. Oh man, people who work in hotels, must have stories. You know, if you ever, on my Twitter, you see that sometimes, I go out into London, and visit some sites there, pretty much on a yearly basis now. They always stay in like, a decent-ish hotel, because it's always nice, to just chill and relax, in these places. But they've always got like, beautiful decorations. And Opie talking about, the long boat, the boat being nailed down, on the mantelpiece.

[00:12:26] The hotel I just stayed in, just before Christmas, had a massive boat there, and I thought, wow, like a ship in the bottle, kind of thing. And I thought, I'd love that decoration. Obviously, I wasn't going to steal it, but I thought, that's a really cool decoration. And it just had me thinking, when Opie was talking there, that must be a daily occurrence, about people just like, taking shit from hotels. I wonder how often, these people get away with it as well. Cool hotel stories, exciting. But Opie came into, the post one day later, and said,

[00:12:57] very expensive vase, from a hotel suite. The hotel added it to a bill, and sent it back to me, to return. I took all your advice, and walked into the hotel, with the full intention, of claiming my mom has dementia, and didn't know what she was doing. And honestly, with the size of the vase, it seemed very plausible. I also knew to ask, for the shift manager, and had worried, I was about to go down, to felony theft. I put a paper check, in my wallet, just in case I ended up, having to pay for something, and put on my nice overcoat.

[00:13:26] The entire drive downtown, I was cursing my mother. But anyone on here, with an 83 year old, stereotypical Jewish mom, will know that sometimes, you just have to do things, as the fallout from her, would be worse, than anything a hotel, could dish out. The front desk fellow, couldn't have been nicer. When I gestured to the box, he didn't even ask, why I needed to see, the shift manager. Just asked me to wait, while he was paged. The shift manager arrives, I open the box, and display the vase inside. I still had a post it, that said,

[00:13:57] please call me, love mom on it. Before I even got, half my story out, he excuses himself, and disappears. The desk fellow, walks over, and asks if I'd like to sit down, and takes me to this little area, with a desk, and offers me a coffee. I'm now imagining, that the police have been called, and I'm triple cursing my mom. In walks a fellow, who is the hotel general manager. I hear that Mrs X, has sent the case back. I start in on the dementia story. He stops me.

[00:14:27] I first met your mother in 1982, when I started working here. There was a young boy, who had climbed into the lobby fountain, and was about to urinate on the statue. And your mother asked me to fish him out, as she was wearing difficult shoes. I'm guessing, that was you. I'm confused, but tell the fellow, that was my brother, and the story had become, a family legend. Guy continues. She has a hobby, of removing things, during her stay, and we have historically, just added them to her bill.

[00:14:56] Am I to take it, she does not want to keep this? I'm thinking, how much money, has she spent on stolen towels, and other hotel crap? And all I can do, is thank the fellow, for looking out for her. He follows up with, when she was here last year, I worried, that may be the last time, we would see her. It made my Christmas, the day I saw her reservation request. Which was about the nicest way, anyone could say, your mom is very old. I'll be checking her luggage next time.

[00:15:26] Pilot says on this, I love that this turned into, a 41 year old, cat and mouse game, your mom, and that general manager, have been playing. Very lucky, he has been understanding. Jullible Toe says, any hotel, that keeps that same general manager, for 40 plus years, and is still in business, seems like a really, awesome place to stay. Holiday Penn says, probably wasn't the general manager, but worked his way up. Like first job, as a bellhopping 82 at 18, is now the general manager, and has been for 15 years.

[00:15:56] Which means, they were a good place to work, at multiple levels, of a hotelist career, which is even better honestly. OP reply sentences, I left out a few, of the less attractive parts, of the story. Like the fact, that she had mailed, the thing back to me, in a 1990s box, that once held, a Sears vacuum cleaner, which had people, glaring at me. And the fact, that the valet guy, charged me 45 bucks, to hold my car for 20 minutes, to make it a little more appealing. Entire phone call, I had with her, when this project, got dumped on me,

[00:16:25] was well, acerbic. Textile Factory says, I take it, she's a well off klepto. Money excuses, a lot in this world. OP says, the crap that my mom, always routinely, gotten away with, is astonishingly, simply because, she looks very well healed. I used to dread, school events, when I was a kid, because of how weird, she treated people. Like she wouldn't even, take the time, to be demeaning to people. She just honestly, didn't notice most people, that were around her. Now that she is old, she totally abuses that as well.

[00:16:56] People end up, doing things for her, simply because, she makes it obvious, she expects them to, and you can't say no, to old ladies. Blue Fluff says, this makes the story, even better. How many family heirlooms, are from the hotel? OP says, it makes me think, that a large collection, of decanters, of the house, might have a dodgy, backstory. I can remember, asking her once, why one of them, was monogrammed QE2, and her telling me, that it was a gift, from a ship captain. That may have been the origin,

[00:17:26] but it probably wasn't a gift, the ship was aware of making. Off my rocker says, but wait, did he take the vase back? Did your mum have to pay for it, after all? Inquiring minds, want to know. OP says, I think they took it back. I definitely left it, sitting on the table I was at. If that actually becomes, a refund to her credit card, is the question. Never done, never ready, OP says, this reminds me of, the book Montana, 1948. The lady keeps shoplifting, and the husband goes to, all the stores, and pays for what she steals.

[00:17:56] I hope your story is true. I don't think so, but you're a decent writer, and should continue. OP says, it's very true. I omitted some of the, tedious and frustrating bits, and made my mum, sound a lot friendlier, than she is in reality. A sort of sad, undertone to it all. We have to have a family meeting, earlier this year, because my mum, has absolutely blown through money, on truly ridiculous, things. Excluding her purloined items, the hotel bill, for her one week stay, was still more, than my entire monthly income. And it's very possible,

[00:18:25] that we still have to sell her home, to pay for care. Had she been, even slightly less extravagant, with things, she would have been able, to die in bed at home, with private nurses. And Barb PG asks, saying, so was it your brother, or was it really, you in the fountain? Your mum sounds like, the best kind of, character. character. How awesome, that they remember her, for so many years. Opie says, it was for sure, my brother. In my father's version, of the story, my mum was pregnant with me, at the time, with swollen feet, and refused to wear tennis shoes,

[00:18:55] and he had to help, wedge her feet into heels. In my godmother's version, who lived in a condo, above the hotel, my mum's doctor, had said it was okay, for her to resume drinking, at the eight month mark. So her feet, were both swollen, and she was not, quite sober. And, I think it's fair to say, there was a mix of comments, on this particular story. Some people saying, they absolutely, love the update, to this people. Other people saying, that you know, she's gotten away, her whole life,

[00:19:25] without consequences here. But now, I'm going to turn this one, to you guys. What do you guys make, of this situation? Let us know your thoughts, down in the comments below. Let's have one more story. Now, our next story comes from, the am I the asshole, subreddit doesn't have an update, as yet. From mysterious macaroon, who says, am I the asshole, for ordering food to go, when my friend group, wanted to split the check, evenly. This has been,

[00:19:55] an ongoing issue. I have a friends group, that likes to eat nicer food. Personally for me, I am fine getting, something cheap on the menu. The issue is always, they want to split, the check. I've had the conversation, so many times, that I want to pay, for what I ordered. It results in an argument, where I have to bend, or everyone is mad at me. I also make a lot more, than my friends, so it always results, in them basically, calling me cheap. They don't get, I want to pay for my meal, and that is it. Anyways, we went out to eat yesterday,

[00:20:25] and they all ordered, things that are around $30. I got the house salad, and my total, was around $12. They told the server, to split the bill, and I didn't want to fight, about it again. I asked the server, to add onto the bill, an entree and dessert, for me to take home. This resulted, in my bill going up to $30. They asked me, what I was doing. I told them, I'm getting some more food. They got upset, I increased the price, they needed to pay. This resulted, in another argument, and they think, I am a jerk. Edit.

[00:20:55] Reddit, I've done everything, you suggested. I had the server, take mine out, and I pay for it. I have spoken to them. If I do anything, that isn't splitting the bill, with them, they get pissed. And we'll start with Luna, who says, you're doing it wrong. You will only have to do this once, since you can afford it. Start ordering, the most expensive items, and a nice bottle of wine, and smile and say, since we're splitting the bill evenly, problem solved. Mert Blake says, not the arsehole, but when you first arrive,

[00:21:25] it'd be helpful for you, to tell the staff, that you're on your own check. If they prefer to split the bill, they can, but you don't have to. Also, your friends kind of suck. Swift like Taylor Swift, says not the arsehole, 100% not the arsehole. I feel this in my bones. I was on vacation, with some extended family, and we went out, or most of our meals, alongside some of their friends, who I did not know. Most of them, 30 plus years, my senior, and highly successful, in their fields of work. I'm talking, owns a beach house wealthy.

[00:21:55] They'd basically play dumb. Oh, I don't know, what's the total come to? $300 for six of us. Let's just pay $50 each. It's too hard to calculate it. Meanwhile, they've ordered several bottles of wine, and had at least two dishes each. Whilst I've had one simple dish, and one to two non-alcoholic beverages at most. Sometimes just water. I had to insist, that it's very simple math, but if it's too much trouble, I'm more than happy to calculate, everyone's individual totals. To save them the burden, explained was their reasoning.

[00:22:25] My total would end up being, 20 plus, a generous, 20 to 30% tip, and theirs would all be, $55 plus, give or take. I was ensured, my tip was not factored into their math, because they'd try that too. Gaslighting is real, when you're told that, fussing over $30 is so silly, but their bills only went up, by $3 to $10 each, when they required to pay for, what they actually ordered. I just hit them with, if $30 is nothing, $3 is dust, is it not?

[00:22:54] And they accepted it, after that particular meal. A two week vacation, dining out twice a day, and overpaying by $30 per meal, is over $800 of stolen money. No thanks. I always find it really shitty, that friends as well, like if a friend said to me, that I don't want to, I don't want to like combine bills, or whatever, I want to split the bill. Yeah, absolutely, of course. But, how would you deal with this, particular situation? Let us know your thoughts down, in the comments below.

[00:23:25] Now, our next story comes from, sports obsessed BF, who says, my 24 female, boyfriend, 24 male, is obsessed, and superstitious, with sports, to the point where, it interferes with his life severely. I'm also a sports fan, but, I think he is out of control. My relationships, I realize that this problem, may seem minor, and insignificant, but it's really affected, my relationship, with my boyfriend. I'm posting this, with a throwaway, because people I know, in real life, know my reddit handle.

[00:23:54] Excuse any typos please, I'm on mobile. I, 24 female, have been dating my boyfriend, 24 male, for 17 months, and we have lived together, for five months. He is a wonderful guy, and he treats me great, and doesn't have a mean bone, in his body. We get along, with each other's friends, and families, and we have the same sense, of humor, and common goals, and beliefs. I know we are young, and I don't want to rush, but I love him, and can really see a future, with him. There is just one problem, that I feel, is getting in the way.

[00:24:24] It may seem like, such a stupid, and insignificant problem, because he doesn't hit me, or cheat on me, or use drugs, or alcohol to excess, but it's really affecting, our relationship. My boyfriend, is obsessed, with sports, and is really superstitious, when it comes to his teams. We live in Massachusetts, and he is obsessed, with the Red Sox, the Bruins, and the Celtics, the Patriots, and the Revolution. I like sports as well, but he takes it, to a whole different level. He gets superstitious, and has routines,

[00:24:54] and things he does, because he believes, it will help his team win. Some examples. Earlier this season, the Red Sox, went on a winning streak. The day they won their first game, he had a day off work, and he'd fallen asleep, on the couch the night before, still wearing his socks. So for the entire winning streak, he refused to take off, or change his socks. He was washing his hair, and body in the bathroom sink, and wearing clean clothes, but he wouldn't change his socks, or wash his feet. This went on for days,

[00:25:23] and it was gross, and his feet smelled so bad, and he admitted, he could smell them too, but he didn't care, because he said, it helped the team win. When the NFL season, started this year, my boyfriend's car, was in the shop. So when he went to work, the day before opening day, he walked to work, and then took the bus home, at the end of the day. This happened, for the first two games, of the season, and the Patriots won every game, and he was convinced, that this ritual, was helping the team. He kept this up, for the first 10 games, of the season,

[00:25:52] even after, he got his car back. He didn't care, what the weather was, and even made the trip, on days he wasn't working, even though, it was 30 to four minutes, each way without a car. Two mutual friends, of ours, got married, on November 28th, of last year, and he couldn't make the trip, because we had to go, out of town for the wedding. He was actually thinking, of skipping the wedding, but because I talk sense, into him, he went. Although, he was tense, the whole time. The next day, the Patriots, lost their first game, of the season,

[00:26:22] after winning 10 games, in a row. He was pissed off, and still blames me, for it. And by blame me, he just says, it's my fault. He doesn't do stuff, like yell at me, or refuse to spend time, with me, just for clarity. He is not abusive. He has certain rituals, for game days. He will only eat certain foods, or drink his coffee, a certain way, or go to a certain coffee shop, or gas station. For the last Bruins season, he went and got coffee, every morning, even if he didn't want coffee. He has certain brands,

[00:26:51] of shampoo, depending on what sports season, or playoff it is. He will change his hairstyle, or not shave it, if it is the playoffs, or he will only sit, in a certain seat, in the living room, during the game. When we moved in together, I moved in with him, because my lease was up, but he still had six months, left on his. The plan was that, after six months, we could find a bigger place, have almost a new living room set, with a couch, love seat, and two recliners. His living room furniture, is ripped, and on the verge of breaking.

[00:27:20] He insisted on keeping his, because he doesn't know, the temperament, of my furniture, when it comes to the teams. Seriously, I am not trying to be snobby, because mine is newer, but his, is being held together, with pieces of wood, and duct tape, and has holes in it. I know compromise is important, and at the time, it wasn't the hill, I wanted to die on, and so I agreed, to keep his furniture, and give mine to my parents, because they were looking, for replacements. But now in the big picture, I see why it was a problem.

[00:27:50] Another example, is our wedding. We aren't planning, on being engaged, or married yet, but we have talked, about the future. He said that, if we ever get married, and engaged, the proposal and wedding, would have to be, on the days, when none of his teams, are playing, because he doesn't want, the wedding to influence, a game, or winning streak, or something, because we can't have a wedding, every day, for the team to win. So far, he thinks July, or August, because three of the five teams, Bruins, Patriots, and Celtics, are on the off season, and there will probably be a day, when the Red Sox,

[00:28:19] and Revolution aren't playing. He can't guarantee, it will be a Saturday though. I'm not saying anything for now, because we aren't at the wedding, or engagement stage, but it bothers me, that he is so serious about this, that it will affect our wedding. If we did get married, and it was a game day, I wouldn't even mind, getting married sometime, before the game was on, then have the TV, with the game, and our reception. As I said, I'm a sports fan also, and I like the same teams he does. I enjoy watching sports, but I think he takes it too far.

[00:28:49] These are just some examples, and there are many others. I've tried talking about this, and he is saying, I don't understand how important, all this is. As I said, he doesn't pick fights with me, or yell, or mope, or anything, and he doesn't get emotionally, or physically abusive. His family members, are also sports fans also, and they say, he has always been like this. Although, they don't take it as far as him, and they thought, he was being dumb, with the walking to work, so the Patriots would win. I convinced him, to talk to the therapist,

[00:29:18] about these compulsions, and that included couple therapy, where we could talk. They agreed to go, but the therapist said, he didn't have a problem, and was normal. And yes, he was honest in therapy, at least when I was there. I wanted a second opinion, so I picked the therapist, and the same thing happened. So now, he is convinced, that he doesn't have a problem, and I just don't understand. Like I said, he's wonderful, in every other way. He's a good person. He isn't a snob, to anyone, and he treats me well, and doesn't cheat, or be abusive.

[00:29:48] He spends time with me, and is attentive. And even when we debate, about his sports obsession, he doesn't yell, or get mean. I love him very much, and I can see a future for us. I enjoy watching games, with him, but his obsession, and superstition, with sports, has given me second thoughts, because, while I like sports, my life doesn't revolve, around them. Since two therapists, said he is normal, and not mentally ill, or anything, he is convinced, this is fine. We are due, to move it, into a bigger place, in a month, and while we haven't,

[00:30:18] signed the leash yet, I'm not sure, I want to do it, without addressing this, but I don't know, what else to do, to make him listen. Am I being irrational, and not understanding, or am I right, to be concerned about this, and thinking of ending it? If anyone has any advice, or thoughts, I would appreciate them. Thank you, in advance, for reading. Now, I'm very interested, to know what the comments, are going to say on this one, a fair amount of the time, they're pretty spot on, with what they say. This had me seriously, like, side-eyeing, those therapists, that said this was,

[00:30:47] completely normal, certainly doesn't feel, that way to me. But Lane Ryder said, this is OCD, I have it, and I do some, extremely simple, more hygienic routines. This dude sounds like, he needs an intervention, and needs to get help. Blames you, for losing a game, because of a friend's wedding. Like, what the hell? Get him help, now. Another commenter says, I don't understand, how two therapists, cleared this. It's some hallmarked OCD. It's clearly affecting his life, and his romantic relationship, breaking from the,

[00:31:17] patterns causing distress. The behaviors, are not rational, which he acknowledges, to some degree. OP, did you go to couples counseling, for a length of time? How was this missed? Some of justice says, maybe see a psychiatrist, instead of a therapist. I'm appalled, that two therapists, said it was okay, for him to not change his socks, etc. And getting rid of your nice furniture, because he doesn't know, its temperament, is so irrational. OP, are you interested, in having children? I can only imagine, what being pregnant, with this guy,

[00:31:47] would look like. God forbid, you go into labor, on any game day. What would a child's, sports temperament be? I don't know, how you can handle this. It would be a deal breaker, for me. Seriously, the socks, would have just flat out, killed the relationship off. And one more comment, which says, I came into this post thinking, he probably just watches, too many sports, and it's interfering, with their relationship. Well, I was super wrong, about that one. Like other posters, I agree that this is OCD. I mean, it's one thing to wear a jersey, when the penguins are playing.

[00:32:16] It's another entirely, to plan your wedding, around sports seasons, and wear the same socks, for weeks. The bottom line here, is, that we on Reddit, can't help him, and that you can't help him. He needs medication, and cognitive behavior therapy, to get this shit under control. Start by seeing a psychiatrist. These people can prescribe medication, which psychologists can't. So, Opie comes back into the post, a year later, and says, my first post can be found here, and shared the link, and says, firstly, I would like to thank everyone, who posted supportive, and kind comments.

[00:32:46] I'm sorry, I didn't answer them all. I'd posted with a throwaway, and some stuff had happened. I'll explain below, and had forgotten, I'd posted for a while. Now things have kind of, evened out, I wanted to give an update, for everyone who was supportive. He is my ex-boyfriend. I read all of the posts, and a few days later, I decided to talk to him again. It didn't go well at first, and that should have been a sign. There was a Red Sox game on, when we were both home from work, and they lost, and he was upset with me, for talking to him,

[00:33:15] and not letting him focus on the game, and interrupting the things, he had to do. He was convinced they lost, because of that, and we had a huge fight. I should have ended it there, but I didn't. The next day, we were both off work, and he got me roses, and cooked me lunch, and there was candlelight, and music, and he asked me to dance with him there, in the living room. He apologized, and promised he would do better. He acknowledged it wasn't fair to me, and said he wanted to get help, and see another therapist. He talked about the future,

[00:33:44] and us having a life, and I stupidly listened. He didn't make an appointment, with a therapist. He talked with me about his feelings, and how I was feeling. He said he agreed, that we would get new furniture, for our new place. I tried to give him some space, regarding his habits, because he was committed, to seeing the therapist, and changing, and I didn't want to push him, and him ended up saying forget it. He was much more attentive though. I thought he changed, but I was wrong. A week or so, after we had fought and made up,

[00:34:13] and he made the therapist appointment, something else happened, that turned my life upside down. I had a mole on one of my arms, but I never thought anything of it. I had a new co-worker, and she pulled me aside one day, and said she didn't want to scare me, or be weird, but she is a two time skin cancer survivor, and the mole did not look good. She stressed, that I needed to see a doctor. I wasn't going to, and I was non-committal, and she begged me to go. It turns out she was right, and she saved my life. I made the appointment,

[00:34:42] thinking the doctor would look, and it would be no big deal. I had that mole for a while, and never paid much attention to it. It was melanoma. I had to have surgery, to remove the mole, as well as check the lymph nodes, to see if it had spread. The surgery was scheduled, for a day my idiot ex-boyfriend, had tickets to a Bruins pre-season game. He asked me to postpone the surgery, because he couldn't skip the game, as it would affect the team. He was actually being serious. He went so far as to call my doctor,

[00:35:10] and tell him I wanted to postpone the surgery, and he was calling on my behalf. He said if I went through with the surgery, he couldn't be there for me, and I needed to understand, because the team needs him. Then he actually fucking told me, that I could not sit in his recliner, the day I was scheduled to come home from hospital, because the Pats were playing, and he needed to sit there for game day. I would have to take the broken couch. I am dead serious. I broke up with him. I called a friend who had a truck, and we packed all my stuff,

[00:35:39] and she agreed that I could crash in her spare room, for as long as I needed. It was the last month on his lease, and I paid the landlord the last month of rent, because even though I wasn't on the lease, I didn't want him to be able to say I left him high and dry. I cut all contact with him, and blocked his phone number and email address. It was on the 18 month anniversary of the day we met, slash had our first date, and the 6 month anniversary of the day we moved in together. I thanked God, slash the universe, slash whoever, that I didn't sign the lease for a new place.

[00:36:09] We had planned to move in together with him, or combine my money with him. I had the surgery. It got so lucky. It was stage 2, and had not hit the lymph nodes yet. I had to stay in the hospital for a couple of days, but the wound was looking okay and not infected, so I was discharged to go home. The waiting was agony and the worst thing. I also was not in the best emotional state because of what happened with my ex. I cried when I found out. It wasn't in my lymph nodes yet.

[00:36:38] The doctor said it would have hit them and spread in under a year. I would have been much worse off. So now I am hyper aware of the sun. I go for skin checks every few months and have a nasty scar. But it could have been so bad. That co-worker saved my life, and we are friends now. Yesterday was the one year anniversary of my surgery. I had so much support from my friends, family, and co-workers. I will never forget it. Once I recovered and went back to work, I got a small promotion.

[00:37:05] I started night school for college last month, while I work full time during the day. I've taken up rock climbing, and last month I started night school. It will really help my career, and I'm excited about it. I'm single since I broke up with my ex, but on Monday, I had an impromptu date at the juice bar with a guy I bumped into at the gym. It felt good to be social again, and he seemed nice. That's my update. I wanted to thank everyone again. I haven't seen or talked to my ex since I broke up with him and left.

[00:37:34] I did hear through the grapevine that he stayed in his place when the power went out, and there was no heat for more than one day when the temps were below freezing, and there was a blizzard because he wanted to sleep in his bed and sit in his chair to help his teams. He apparently had to be taken to hospital for exposure because it was so damn cold. If he doesn't want to change, that's his problem and not mine now. Thanks everyone. Fun relationships. And I can't blame OP for checking out of that situation.

[00:38:02] I think OP is right that if he doesn't want to change, then it is going to be his problem and not OP's. And you know, him calling the doctor to cancel her appointment was just, that's awful. But regardless of the behavior, as I said, I'm glad that OP's out of that situation. I hope that one day he does find some help because that does sound really extremely unhealthy and sounds like it could escalate even further. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:38:31] Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. And our next story is from the Am I the Arsehole subreddit. It doesn't have an update as yet, but it's from beginning jaguar9693 and says, Am I the Arsehole for refusing to share my huge inheritance with my step-siblings? So I, 17 male, found out only a few weeks ago that my dad left me a lot of money and a trust. Like it's such a crazy amount that I didn't really believe it at first. But it's true.

[00:39:00] The reason is my dad had inherited from both his parents already. He also inherited from the only two uncles he had as well. And one of them was very successful and had a business. This was all explained in a letter my dad wrote to me. He kept the trust set up before he came into most of the money. But when he found out his cancer was incurable, he decided to put it all aside for me once all his medical bills were paid off for him. My parents were separated, but not legally divorced when my dad was sick slash died.

[00:39:29] But they weren't living together for a couple of years. This was 10 years ago. My mom found out about the money because she read the letter he sent me about the issue. Then she insisted she was joining me to meet with a lawyer to discuss this. When my mom learned about the money, she told her husband and suddenly the money became a very touchy subject. I can't touch it until I'm 19 with the way my dad set it up. I have some time to deal with this, but my mom and her husband want me to share the money with my step-siblings,

[00:39:58] 14, 8 and 7. The money is enough where even if I'd pay for college and buy a house, I would have money left. The way the trust works, I was told it's also getting interest, which my dad had intentionally set up. My mom and her husband have struggled financially for years. They started dating when his youngest kid was one. His wife had died. He's going through a legal battle with the mother of his oldest and his oldest is in therapy for trauma caused by their mom. Also, his youngest was born with some medical issues

[00:40:28] and has a lot of doctor appointments. Between everything, money was tight. We lived paycheck to paycheck and I worked to make my own life a little more comfortable, but we had no college savings or anything before this. My mom and her husband drained their own bank account to keep a roof over our heads. This has all been brought up to me as a good reason why I should do this. My mom told me it was selfish for dad to put it all away solely for my future and he should have been thinking about raising me as well.

[00:40:57] She told me I might not call her husband dad or his kids my siblings, but we are a family and that this family has been through so much together and we struggled for so long that it would be so good and generous for me to do this. I told her it's not like I can access the money now. She said no, but when I do, I should set up accounts for my three step-siblings so they have a better chance at college and if not college, the chance to have a help start in life. Despite all their trying to talk me into it, I said no.

[00:41:26] I told them that I wasn't going to share the money. My mom was so mad, but it was nothing compared to how mad her husband was. They told me to quit being selfish and start acting with compassion. Am I the asshole? I'm gonna start with Kronkla Sorder who's not the asshole, but get the hell out of that house. Is there a sibling of your dad you can move in with? Invest every cent of that money though. Talk to a financial advisor. Also make sure to keep your birth certificate, driver's license and any other IDs and documents

[00:41:55] where they can't hold them over your head. Opie says no. My dad was an only child and I'm the last person in that family. At least that I know of. No other family he had. Iron Beagle says not the asshole. So your mom's new husband is mad you aren't giving money to his children with your mother. This money came from your father. That was not their father's. It was yours. This is whom your father wanted the money to go to. Explain to your mother that if they're going to punish you for doing exactly what your dead father wanted,

[00:42:24] then go fly a kite. Mom should also ask a new husband to stay out of it. He isn't your father. Opie says his children with his late wife and his ex-wife. None of his kids are my mom's kids. And one more comment from Gypsy Bug who says what they're asking isn't compassion. It's displacing the financial burden of raising his children onto you. If you have no emotional drive to share, then please do not do it. Your mother is responsible for the costs of raising you. Well, stop.

[00:42:52] You didn't owe her for a choice to have and raise a child. She has made decisions that got her and her husband where she is. It is not your job to mitigate her life. Your dad was smart. He made sure your mother could not ruin your future. He guaranteed safety for you. Now take advantage of his forethought and thrive, not the arsehole. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? What would you do if you was OP?

[00:43:20] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now our next story comes from Would I be the arsehole make mom homeless? Who says, Would I be the arsehole making my mom homeless after what she did to my wife? My mom, Cara, 50s, doesn't hold down jobs. I think she's above working a regular nine to five and is a moocher. She's essentially just lives wherever she can find people willing to let her live for free and spends the little she has from doing odd jobs on booze and drugs.

[00:43:50] My dad, they divorced over a decade ago, John, finances a lot of her lifestyle. Cara will beg him for money since he's pretty well off and for some reason, he usually gives it to her. Recently, John bought her an old RV and she planned to move into it in her parents' backyard and get paid from the state to take care of them as they aren't well. My wife, Diane, 29 female, and I, 35 male, live right next door to Cara's parents, my grandparents.

[00:44:20] When Cara decided to move down here, we made it clear that we won't be taking care of her financially and she can't mooch off of us. I explicitly told her she isn't using our laundry or shower or bathroom, electric, a dress for mail, etc. I told her if she's moving to her parents, they are solely responsible for her. I said that as she tends to try and guilt me into helping her and is very manipulative. Cara decided to put the RV in between my shop and her dad's shop. I did make it clear

[00:44:48] that she can't plug into our shop as we aren't paying her electric and we need a main panel upgrade and don't have the power to run her RV. She was fine with that. Also to note, her parents have a room in their house but some repairs and things need moved but Cara refuses to do that for free even if it would get her a place to live and recently the application for her to get paid to be their caretaker got rejected as she failed the background check. She's slowly running out of money and it's tried to mooch off with Diane and I but we are sticking

[00:45:18] to our guns saying no. She has heat. There are multiple food banks around. She has a car and is capable of getting a job just chooses not to. Diane and I also have a 7 month old son. Diane is breastfeeding and was overproducing a lot for a few months so she has almost 2000 ounces of milk in the freezer in our shop. She recently went back to work and is cycling through the stuff in the freezer. Cara texted us this morning saying we should check power to the shop

[00:45:47] as she plugged in for just a minute a few days ago and it shorted out and she noticed it still isn't working. Today I got home to Diane bawling as she went out to check and found that the power to the shop was out and all 2000 ounces had defrosted and had to be thrown away. Diane is not overproducing anymore and is devastated. Cara apparently blew the fuse box at my grandpa's because she turned on the generator while plugged in so decided

[00:46:15] she'd just use ours. To say I'm pissed is an understatement. I explicitly told her not to use our power and for it to waste an insane amount of my wife's time and energy make me furious. I text Cara telling her what she did and Cara texts Diane saying she can just switch to formula. I told her we need an apology and Cara texts back saying it's not her fault we have shitty power. I'm sick of her entitlement and I know it's not legal to live in an RV here.

[00:46:44] I could report her and they usually give 45 days before the person has to leave. Cara has burned a lot of bridges and mentioned that the only place she has left to live is her car. I want to report her and get her away from us. Would I be the arsehole if I report her and make her homeless? Edit The RV is between the shops but entirely on my grandparents' property as we wouldn't allow it on ours. Edit 2 We made the report and are going to press charges. And what do we

[00:47:14] always say folks? Always press charges. It's incredibly sad. You can only imagine what your wife would be feeling after that. And that is so much milk. You just need to get that person away from your property that's actively hurting your family. And it just says a lot really doesn't it? That she'd burn every bridge that she's come across. There's consequences to her actions and she needs to find those out pretty damn quick.

[00:47:43] Silver Raspberry says I just did some research. Breast milk is worth $3-$5 per ounce. She costs you $6-$10k in breast milk. Not to mention wear and tear on your wife's body, time, and mental health. Mouse and Ladybug says my blood pressure just fucking spiked. I'm so angry for your wife. When I was nursing my first, I pumped one single bottle a day so my spouse could feed baby at bedtime. And even that

[00:48:13] was torture for me. I'd be fucking in jail for murder if I pumped that much and it went to waste. Not the arsehole at all. Personality says not the arsehole your wife lost gallons of milk and saying just switch the formula is so out of touch. Aqua says not the arsehole there is a reason why your mother has little to no connections left with other people. She just made things worse for your household and your mother is acting like it's no big deal. End it now before she does something that could

[00:48:42] have legal repercussions for you, your wife, and your grandparents. And a final comment from Bad Wolf who says I breastfed three boys. Was engorged and had to use a pan pump as I couldn't afford an electric one. I tipped over a four ounce bottle of breast milk and fell to the floor weeping. Postpartum hormones anyone? Two thousand ounces? I'd be rabid. I'm pretty pissed on yours behalf. Don't feel bad telling on her. She's broken the law, stomped on your

[00:49:12] reasonable boundaries of not using your electricity, caused massive damage. Two thousand ounces of love and effort by an awful mention boundary stomping and now refuses to acknowledge the damage she's caused. Get her the fuck out of there. She'd do it again if you don't. So, Opie comes in with her update and says I got asked for updates a few times so even though it's been chill I thought I'd explain what's happened. My wife didn't want to press charges. She has a hard time

[00:49:42] expressing boundaries and can be a pushover to keep the peace. But I decided we were going to. My mistake was calling my dad to let him know that was the plan. I do have her confession via text. My dad told my mom and she packed up her stuff that same night and left. I have no idea where she went. She sent me a text saying I'm a horrible son who only cares about money and then she blocked me. We're moving forward with legal action against her but it's honestly better already with her being

[00:50:11] wherever she is and not right by my family. We won't be speaking to her again. And absolutely good on you for continuing to press the charges on her because she doesn't sound like she's going to change at all. Messaging you that you're a horrible son after what she did. I wouldn't be telling the dad anything going forward either. He's constantly enabling her to continue to get away with her bullshit. What has she got over him? That was my question. Why? They're divorced

[00:50:40] yet he still continues to, you know, help her with her lifestyle. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story. Now before we get into our next story there is a warning of sexual assault within the story so if you do want to skip it please feel free to do so. Timestamps are always down in the description and along the timeline below. Thank you. And this is from

[00:51:10] Pastor, Pastor, Pastor who says am I the arsehole here for being mad at my girlfriend for hanging out with a guy who groped her. My girlfriend Kate and I 22 female 23 male have been together for three years now. My girlfriend has a friend Tom now ex-friend from college who used to be interested in her and asked her out. But he started dating someone else and she this friend and his girlfriend Jenna became great friends of each other.

[00:51:39] These three were extremely open with each other and had a group chat where these three discussed all sorts of things and made sex jokes. Typical I thought. However, I drew the line where he shouldn't directly talk about suggested things with her. This wasn't really something Kate understood as they've been in each other's lives for years and she led me to believe I simply couldn't understand their dynamic. I was also extremely uncomfortable with them hanging out alone together. Kate is extremely

[00:52:08] loyal to me and I wouldn't say she's the sort of woman to cheat. However, in my opinion she can be extremely naive especially when it comes to this person. Tom used to make suggestive jokes which I disliked but she used to laugh it off. I picked up on some bad energy from him and do not think he has good intentions when it comes to my girl. My parents took my brothers and I to vacation for two weeks so I wasn't in town. Kate, Tom and Jenna made plans to hang out together

[00:52:38] but then Jenna fell sick last minute and they had already purchased tickets so Tom and Kate went together. I raised objections to it and told her not to get drunk around him but she dismissed me and got angry that I was trying to control her. I was supposed to arrive four days after her plans and Kate didn't message me for the entire three days. We both were angry at each other I assumed. However, when I came back she invited me to her place and broke down and started apologizing. She confessed

[00:53:07] that she was so mad at me that she had like five shots that night and she didn't realize when Tom groped her. She slapped him hard in the bar and took an Uber and came home. She said she was ashamed of telling me earlier and that I was right about him. I was trying to really hold myself together and didn't lash out at her or anything. I said that we need to immediately report him to the university authority about what he did and I will support her. However, I wasn't very open or affectionate with her.

[00:53:36] She did cut him off and Jenna broke up with Tom. However, I'm extremely furious at Kate for completely dismissing and disregarding my feelings around Tom and getting drunk when I expressed it makes me uncomfortable on top of them hanging out alone. I'm not trying to victim shame her but that doesn't mean she gets to learn nothing from this and refuse to have a good sense to know who to trust and who not to. I feel like a total arsehole for even feeling angry at her but I can't help how I feel. She's picked up

[00:54:06] on this and I have no idea how to tell her this. ETA, I'm mad at my girlfriend for even being able to trust someone who conducts himself inappropriately. It took her being assaulted to listen to me finally. That's what I'm upset about. Like, she shouldn't have had to have this awful experience in order to finally process every single time I raised concerns about this. This is just terrible. Like, if she got scammed out of her life savings because she trusted a guy over me and I kept

[00:54:35] shouting repeatedly not to do that, would I still have compassion for her? I would struggle for empathy at least for some time because I would consider such a person unreliable to make big decisions in life. I feel disrespected and disgusted with her. How do I hold her responsible for her ignorance? I am so mad at her I want to break up with her. I'm extremely sorry if my post is triggering but I'm not blaming her for the actions of the douche who groped her without her consent and assaulted her.

[00:55:04] His actions are entirely his own and I'm going to make sure to get him fucking booted off campus for what he did. I mean, I don't know how to frame this without being problematic but she didn't prioritize her safety and acted like a freaking adult for god's sake and thought it was totally okay to get drunk like that and that too out of spite. Like, this whole situation tells me that unless she gets to experience the worst of the worst, undeserved consequences, she wouldn't change or listen to me. This isn't someone I want

[00:55:34] to be with. I just wish she stopped taking my concerns as an affront to her autonomy. Myth Aphrodite says you aren't mad at her for being sexually assaulted. You're upset your girlfriend didn't place any value in your opinions, words or thoughts. She had no respect for your opinion, words or thoughts. A commenter replied saying this right here is the facts. She blew the OP off and disregarded his feelings on the matter and unfortunately it turned out bad for her but thank god it didn't turn out even

[00:56:04] worse. He needs to sit down with her and let her know how disappointed he feels and betrayed how she disregarded him when he knew something wasn't right. So often women do this and get offended and tell the boyfriend and husband he's insecure. Men know men and we don't lie when we know exactly what the other man wants out of her. Will's Irish says not the arsehole she was drinking and hanging out with a guy that's arsed her out and expressed interest in her. Maybe you trust her but that's inherently untrustworthy

[00:56:34] behavior. The good news is that this is largely a young person's problem. More mature people rarely have to be told this. It's not cool to go drinking with someone that wants to fuck them while they're in a relationship with someone else. That's so obvious it should never have to be stated out loud. I have a few hard boundaries for romantic relationships that have stood me well over the years. Never date someone who prioritizes her friends over you. It's fine if they're close but if she's cancelling plans with you in non-emergencies to spend time with them

[00:57:04] cut her loose. This will never improve. Never date someone who's friends with ex-lovers. People can say whatever they want about insecurity and control. This is just begging to get cheated on. Same with hanging out with men who want in their pants. Just don't get involved with people who do this. And becoming better than says everyone seems to be overlooking a key thing. She doesn't respect your boundaries. You express discomfort with the sexual innuendo and jokes and instead of

[00:57:33] listening or respecting she minimized it and simply said you couldn't possibly understand their dynamic. Later you expressed a boundary of them being alone together and her drinking. Once again instead of listening or respecting she chose her own path. She didn't ignore your boundary. She actively crossed it out of spite. This is a toxic behavior. I don't know you and I can't judge how you are with her. What I can say is that she will cross boundaries again in the future and spite you. If she feels

[00:58:03] justified. Let's be honest. She doesn't love you. What she did isn't something a person in love would do. She spent three days after supposedly traumatizing experience and she didn't reach out to you. She's not your partner. She's your placeholder and honestly you're the same for her. Move on. So OP did update their posts and said I've had time to read all the comments. Most of you were supportive and had a balanced perspective. However some were uber extreme on

[00:58:33] both ends. Some called me an evil little misogynist who wants to act like her dad and control her and shame her and some called her a cheating repugnant whore. None of the two extremes are true. Love. I did however have fun reading that so thank you for the laughs. Particularly chuckled at the pearl clutching over the phrase my girl when I didn't even think for a second before writing that out. On to the main update. My now ex heard back from health and counseling services that will guide her to seek

[00:59:03] support and hold Tom accountable. Probably intense sensitivity training and attention based on the degree of the assault. My days weren't so great as you can tell. I was willing to give her a chance and move forward with her. At first I requested full disclosure including as to why she didn't get in touch with me over those three days. She was extremely hesitant in showing me her chats with him. In which she accused him of being inappropriate with her that crossed the line. Tom was apologetic and told her that he was too drunk and

[00:59:32] didn't know what he was doing. At first she didn't believe that and was scared about how Jenna would think. This made her rethink and she almost excused his actions away and decided not to tell me. But then she changed her mind and told Jenna immediately and then she told me. This shouldn't feel like a breach of trust but it did. Because she was this close to being willfully ignorant again. I was extremely upset at her and asked her what makes her so blind to the obvious.

[01:00:03] I really wanted to know what goes inside her mind that she continues to make these epically bad decisions. I decided that fine. I'll let her take this as a learning experience and told her that she needs to take me seriously too. Because despite what happened, her being sexually assaulted doesn't negate that she's continued to disrespect me and expect better from her as a partner. This angered her greatly and she expressed that I'm not her dad, emphasizing her right to make mistakes. She even had the

[01:00:32] fucking audacity to suggest she didn't feel like an equal partner, insinuating I shouldn't be holding her accountable for her actions. Precisely when it's a consistently downplay my concerns and making me feel small. Oh sweet irony. Look, I may not be the best, most compassionate person in the world but I don't need someone who arrogantly dismisses my concerns. There's some petty, abusive, trashy, obsessed jealousy in the relationship as if I'm the crazy one.

[01:01:01] I don't care what modern day world believes but I stubbornly believe that relationship isn't about making selfish choices that affect your partner too. It isn't about one person, it's about two people who at least acknowledge comfort of their partner in decision making. Look, I know I'm just in college but I honestly at least imagine her as my future wife, my loved one. However, I don't need my loved one to dismiss my concerns about her safety that affect me too as controlling. If I stayed in a

[01:01:31] relationship with her, no doubt she'll find excuses about not feeling like an equal and use that to call me controlling, an opportunity I refuse to give her by breaking up with her. I don't need my partner to make me out to be the male equivalent of a nagging shrew where she's the ball and I'm the chains in the relationship. It just makes me cringe hard about unintentionally taking that role in the relationship just because from my point of view, her actions came from a place of willful

[01:01:59] ignorance, spite and lack of respect for our relationship. And I think I can never have a high opinion of Kate unless she changes part of her personality. Which would be unfair given her awfully limited understanding of her surroundings. If I stayed with her, she'd complain about being treated like a child most probably because I'll see her as acting like one, going about drinking to spite her partner and not being able to recognize and put boundaries around inappropriate conduct and that's

[01:02:29] exhausting. Maybe I'm wrong for saying that but I sincerely hope she grows into an emotionally mature individual who doesn't feel the need to retaliate like a child when her so-called autonomy feels threatened just because a loved one is trying to look out for her. Peace. Now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Now our next story comes from Terrific Terror from the Am I the Arsehole subreddit that says would I be

[01:02:58] the arsehole for cancelling my brother's wedding? I, female 31, have a brother, male 28, who is hoping to get married to his fiancee, female 25. They've been in a relationship for a long time, have kids and a house together, so she isn't someone who's new to the family. We're all European but I own a gorgeous house in Colorado. It is in the middle of the mountains, surrounded by forests, has huge windows looking out on my acres surrounding.

[01:03:29] It truly is stunning and a dream come true. A couple of months ago my brother came to me and asked if they could use my house for a destination wedding. While I was hesitant to host a goddamn wedding in the house of my dreams, I can absolutely understand how my dream home is her dream venue. I told him they absolutely could but had some rules despite me not living there. 1. No more than 25 guests. It truly is in the middle of nowhere so guests will have to sleep at the house and

[01:03:59] I simply do not have room for more. 2. Nothing that permanently alters anything in or around the house. 3. No smoking indoors. 4. Any damage done by them or their guests would have to be paid for. Since I'm quite protective of the house, I offer to decorate and find a caterer and that would be my gift to them. So I'm providing them with a venue, food and decorations. I'm currently almost 10k into my gift because

[01:04:28] it's my brother's wedding and it's what I wanted to do. Now shit has hit the fan. His fiancee decided she needed at least 45 guests. While I was willing to be flexible by one or two, but 20? Nah. I asked her if she wanted to stack them and she got salty. On top of that, she wants me to pay to fly a family in because I fronted the money to my other brother. He is paying me back because he couldn't afford a ticket. I told her no and

[01:04:58] again, I got sassed. On top of that, she wants me to build a pagola, which I actually considered, paint my living room, cover up the beautiful wood, so fuck no, and also pay for the drinks. I said no, I've done enough. She has now taken it upon herself to tell people I'm coming back on my promises. I left her hanging that she can't afford a super expensive wedding I made her plan and even went as far as to uninvite my

[01:05:28] grandparents just to spite me. Her words were, you wanted me to cut back on the guests, so I'm picking your family. I'm getting at least two messages a day asking me why I'm ruining her day if I'm jealous. Today, she called me to tell me that if I keep going out of my way to make her miserable, I and my rescues, two of my children are adopted, would not be invited either. While I find it absurd that she thinks she can uninvite me from

[01:05:57] my own house, the fact that she referred to my kids as rescues has me absolutely fuming. I'm considering cancelling the whole thing, but be royally fucking over my brother in the process who has done nothing wrong. So, is her shitshow overshadowing my need to protect my brother from a giant financial hole? I don't know. Edit to add, I don't live in Colorado, we live in our home country in Europe. Imagine someone offering you all this for your

[01:06:27] wedding, to host it at their house, to offer caterers, to have the place decorated. Opie said up to 10k in their expenses towards your wedding, and then you're like this. And I would absolutely not be attending that wedding at all, be cancelling it from them words where she said that you and your rescues directed at your adopted children, that would be it, that would be cut off, there is no coming back from that ever. And when people ask you

[01:06:56] why this is happening, I would be telling them exactly that. Anyone who hears that and still takes her side, you know, fuck them too basically. But lots of people were asking Opie about the second house and Opie said I purchased this house after it had been on the market for close to two years. It was in complete disrepair and I spent a little over a year of my life restoring, not renovating it to its original glorious state. I've spent a lot of money, love and time on this house and

[01:07:26] had anyone wanted it, it would have been purchased somewhere in the two years it was on the market. By that logic, should I no longer buy that last block of cheese at the supermarket because someone else might want it? Not park anywhere because someone else could want to park there. I might move into this home, I might not. Also happy to see you're getting your cardio in and jumping to conclusions. The house is currently being used by a friend who needs to get back on his feet. That's been for the past eight months. I work hard for what I

[01:07:55] have and if I want to spend it having a home of my dreams just in case I someday want to live there, that's my choice. Another commenter says info, does your brother know that she is behaving this way? Have you spoken to him about this behavior? Hope he says I have. Almost everything goes through text message so I screen grab the outrageous nonsense. He claims the pressure of planning a wedding has gotten to her and that I should try and be patient. The OP responds to someone talking about the size of the house.

[01:08:25] They said, how big is the house that you can accommodate up to 25 guests overnight? Well, it's decently big. The sleeping arrangements wouldn't be luxurious though. Think a combination of sleeping on couches, blow up mattresses and sharing beds. Not ideal but it would have worked for one or two nights. And your brother knows about this as well and he's not shutting this shit down but he's actually enabling the behavior by saying wedding planning is getting to her, it's stressful, etc. Yes, I get wedding planning

[01:08:55] is stressful but calling your adopted children rescues, presenting the invite to your grandparents out of spite and telling anyone that will listen to her that you're going back on your promises after the shit she pulled? That's not someone that's stressed, that's a toxic individual. But Rainbow Bright says, I'm sorry but my brother has done nothing wrong. Are you joking me? He hasn't stood up to her and has allowed her to disrespect you and he hasn't

[01:09:25] done anything to stop her publicly lying about your character. Doing nothing is very much being complicit in this case but you need to put yourself and your children first here. Your brother is putting his fiance first so you need to show the same respect to your children and cancel this shit show. You'll be doing your brother a favor. You also need to set people straight on what she is like, not the arsehole. Bluefurred Unicorn replies to that saying their brother has done quite a lot wrong including planning a destination wedding

[01:09:55] he can't afford in the slightest. A 10k present from the sibling when the groom can't even afford his own plane ticket. He'll pay it back. With what money? After the wedding they'll try for kids and God knows money will be even tighter then. I understand dreams but if you're not rich then you can't plan something like that as if you are. That's life. There are dream wedding venues all over Europe and certainly in your home country too. They should pick one of those. As a working class person I've

[01:10:24] never understood destination weddings. It seems so selfish for me to expect so much from your wedding guests. Spend all the money plus the vacation days etc. Not the asshole of course be even more protective of that house. You have every right to. And a final comment from Squiggles who says obviously you should cancel. The bride has shown huge disrespect and you should protect the family she calls rescues in your property. Not the asshole if someone disrespected my kids like that I would

[01:10:54] not be speaking to them let alone paying to host their wedding that has already crossed many of my boundaries. Maybe you canceling the wedding will wake your brother up from his stupor. The OP came in with their update which says hey all. As an update was requested a decent amount of times. Here I'm letting you guys know how it all went. First I want to address one thing. To those claiming I'm an asshole because I'm contributing to the housing crisis by owning a house I don't live in I am not. This is a house so deep in the mountains I need to drive 15 minutes to go do groceries.

[01:11:24] The internet is so crappy I am waiting for even Starlink to start covering the area. This is not a house built for living in full time. On top of that it was on the market for close to two years and in complete disrepair. I did not steal some family's home. No one wanted it. The fact that it is a dream home is because I spent a year of my life restoring the whole thing myself. Now onto the update. I heard they were visiting my parents and I drove

[01:11:54] down as well. Mostly because I wanted people present to witness the conversation. I told her and my brother that since my home did not suit her needs and it was stressing her out to the point that she was calling my children names, I no longer felt like I was giving them the appropriate gift by supplying a venue, caterer, and decorations. I said that I felt like in my efforts to protect my home, I was limiting their options too much, standing in the way of their dream wedding and as a result would no longer be hosting. My brother seemed relieved,

[01:12:24] admitted to not quite wanting a destination wedding and that things got a little out of hand during the planning phase, thanked me for my willingness to help and offered to pay me back for the deposits I'm losing, which I appreciated but declined. His SO however accused me of being petty and jealous because I'm single and no one wants me and going out of my way to cause her stress and ruin her day. She pointed at my two youngest children and said, you're doing more for strangers than you are your kids are

[01:12:54] luckily young enough so they didn't catch on to this but my older two did and were absolutely shocked. So were my parents. I told her she had all of three seconds to get out of my line of sight before I'd be bringing hellfire down on her while instructing my children to leave the room. My father stepped in, said it would indeed be better for her to leave and told my brother that he was sorry but that this is unacceptable. My brother agreed, took his family home and has since called me to apologise and say that the wedding planning has been

[01:13:23] hold until she comes to her senses. Thanks for all the input and help all. I'm happy it didn't end up all too dramatic. I'm surprised that it's only the wedding that's been put on hold and not the whole relationship. Imagine being in that room and watching her say that. Someone talking about your children like that. My word. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let me know your thoughts

[01:13:53] down in the comments below and let's move on to another story. And our next story is titled Am I the arsehole here for telling my mum she is dead to me if she mentors my bully? So my 16 male mum 40s is a teacher at my school. Our school has a special elective you can take which is being a teacher's aide during your elective period. It's mostly stuff like grading papers for them, making copies, mentoring, etc. It's pretty much

[01:14:23] always just teacher's favourite student at the time. I found out at the beginning of the semester that my mum chose Dave, 17 male, to be her TA. Dave has made my life a living nightmare since middle school. He has bullied me mercilessly both physically and emotionally since 6th grade. I don't want to get into everything he's done to me but everyone is fully aware of it, including the school and my parents. There have been countless meetings with school administration

[01:14:52] and suspensions on his end but it has never stopped him. Since we've been in high school I haven't had to see him as much, which is a relief, but the times that I do are always terrible. When I found out that he was an UTA, I was obviously very hurt and confused. I asked her why she would want to spend extra time with someone who made my life so terrible. She said that she had him in one of her classes and that he really isn't such a

[01:15:21] bad kid but he has a really terrible home life that she can't tell me about that makes him act out. For the record, my mum has always had a soft spot for kids who come from bad homes. I reminded her of all the things he had done to me and she said she understands but he really needs help right now. I told her that I get that but why does it have to be you? We have a huge school full of teachers and staff who can mentor him. Why does it have to be you? She told me to stop being selfish

[01:15:51] and some kids have it harder than I can imagine and she's just trying to help. I was honest with her and told her that if she continued to have him as her aid, she was dead to me. She was choosing him over me and she would no longer be my mother. I would no longer talk to her and the minute I turned 18 I was moving out and she would never hear from me again. She rolled her eyes and said I was being dramatic. But after a couple of days of ignoring her, I was grounded. It didn't change my mind and my

[01:16:20] dad tried to force me to talk to her. I still refused so they pretty much took everything away from me one by one for the past few weeks. I no longer have my car, computer, guitar and most recently my art supplies and I have to come home from school and go straight to my room and I'm not allowed out except dinner until I start talking to her again. I don't realize this is just strengthening my resolve. I'm going to sit in this empty room every day silently until I'm 18

[01:16:50] and they'll never see me again. My mum keeps coming in crying and begging me to talk to her which makes me feel kind of bad but she still won't remove Dave as her aid. Am I taking this too far? I just feel so betrayed. Hopey added their first update in the same post so I'm going to cover that before the comments because some of the comments are responding to it. Hopey said I'm sorry I stopped answering everyone's questions. I just kind of freaked out when this blew up out of nowhere and I almost deleted it a few times

[01:17:19] because I was scared someone at school would see it and recognize me. Everyone letting me know that it's not my fault helped a lot though so I felt less embarrassed about someone I know potentially seeing it. Nothing has really changed but a lot of you made a good point that if I'm really going to go this route then I need to come up with a plan for what I'm going to do when I get out. I considered the military like some people suggested but then I remembered my school has a special trade program. You go to our school for half a day and spend the other half at our local community college taking

[01:17:49] trade classes. I think depending on what you are doing you can get an associate's degree or whatever certifications you need by the time you graduate. I went to my guidance counselor during lunch today and told her I wanted to switch to that program. She acted really surprised and asked why did I want to change now since I'm already taking AV classes and I'm on the college track. I told her I didn't want to talk about it but I would need to be ready for independence when I graduated and this seemed like the best way. She said it might be too late to change

[01:18:19] this semester but she would look into it for me and let me know. This absolutely breaks my heart and I really don't understand your mother's logic in this. Let me just first say as always and many people probably know this but if you're new to the channel you know I was bullied in my last year, year and a half of school pretty badly, hit verbally abused to the point I had some pretty dark thoughts. So always I so I always like to say that I'm pretty biased towards these type of

[01:18:48] stories and in the way I feel so you know take what I say with a little grain of salt if you like but I do not understand your mom's logic in this situation. If I had a hypothetical child and found out they was being bullied there's no way I'd be assisting that bully any way shape or form. Yes they may have a shitty home life and and I really do think that is sad but to disregard your own child's feelings, thoughts and what they are going through

[01:19:16] is just it's just fucking heartbreaking man. And mom knows about what you're going through as well which makes it even worse for me. When I was going through it I can't tell you the feelings that I felt and I imagine it's for many people, I'm not going to say everyone because I don't know but it's for many people that the thoughts and feelings that you have when that's happening you sort of just feel like enclosed in your own little world you know it's hard to think logically. Yes I thought about telling adults around me but then I was

[01:19:45] worried about the repercussions from that. If I tell are they going to then get me after school are they going to just find sneakier ways to catch me out. If I told my brothers what would they do? Well I pretty much known what they would have done and they would have ended up in jail which again was my thoughts. I was like I don't want my brothers ended up like getting in trouble with the police because of this guy. And so when eventually you know a friend told his mom about what was going on at school the mom actually contacted my head of year at the time and I got

[01:20:15] called into a meeting and I had to explain what was going on. And I was told that they look into this and the teachers that I'm in the class with will look into it. It didn't happen. And I appreciated what my friend's mom did but I felt failed by the adults that were meant to be acting on it at the time those teachers especially that head of year. So I can totally understand OP's feeling of betrayal in this situation. My only thoughts were and you know it's going to sound stupid after what I just said about you know relying on adults around me is talking to that

[01:20:45] guidance counselor. I've never been to a guidance counselor it's like not even sure if we have them in UK schools to be quite honest but just sort of expressing what you're going through with them. Again I'm not sure if that's a good idea or not. You guys have to let me know in the comments. But Janet in Spain says I just read your update. The trade is actually a great way to go. You make money faster than a college graduate and you don't end up in massive student debt. Trades are also transferable to anywhere. You can literally move to any city and get a good paying job.

[01:21:15] You could even go to another country. It would open up a whole different world for you. Sounds like a smart plan. Have you chosen a particular trade? HVAC, plumbing or electrician would be smart choices. Hopi says thank you. From what she said the first semester you do a little of everything and decide what you like then choose from there. Honestly I'm not sure what they even offer yet but I could see myself doing something like electrical. Shin says not the arsehole. If my mother would have done that to me or one of my

[01:21:45] brothers we would have treated her like a traitor. She puts her savior complex or whatever this is over your mental health. She is in addition to that disloyal to your family. You. Just ignore her and organize your life. Do good in school and leave her behind when you are old enough and independent. I cannot even compute how people do this to their own blood. But here we are. I wish you the best. Prickly Peaches says not the arsehole. I'm sure Dave has a rough life but it doesn't excuse his cruelty towards you.

[01:22:14] I'd be extremely hurt if my mum sided with my bully. Your mum should ask one of her colleagues to take him on as an aide and then tell Dave that given his prior history with you it is no longer appropriate for him to be her aide. And this report replies that and unfortunately she's obviously not going to do that since she herself has resorted to bullying her own child for not just getting over it. The fact that they are punishing OP over this is wildly devastating. An ongoing conversation would have been one thing but to see

[01:22:44] your child so upset and hurt and punish them for it mum is fucking depraved. Her OP comes in with her update and says to everyone who said my mum was sleeping with Dave you were right. Just kidding you're the weirdos and watch too much porn. A lot has actually happened since last week and while nothing is really fixed I think things are going in the right direction. On Friday I got called out of class to the guidance counsellor. When I got there my mum and the assistant principal were there as well.

[01:23:14] The counsellor asked me to sit down and said that me changing tracks from college to trade like I mentioned in my last post was a big decision and she wanted to sit down with my mum and me to figure out if this really was the best for my future. She first asked me if I would fully explain why I wanted to switch. I explained the whole situation from my perspective and about how I was being punished. I said that if this is how I was going to be treated from now on I wanted to become independent as soon as possible and going to college would have me

[01:23:44] relying on my parents for longer than I would like. She then asked my mum if she had anything she would like to add. My mum tried to downplay the whole situation at first and make it look like I was just being stubborn and disrespectful but as the counsellor asked her more questions it became pretty clear that my side was the truth. After this the assistant principal stepped in and said that the teacher's aid was not worth all of this turmoil and that Dave would be switched with another teacher. The counsellor then asked me if this would help me to start working things out with my

[01:24:14] mum. I said not really because it wasn't even her choice and she hasn't even admitted she's done anything wrong. She then asked my mum if she was willing to apologise for anything that had happened. My mum gave a half-hearted apology where she said things had gone overboard and she never meant to hurt me so much. The counsellor asked if I would like to apologise for anything as well and I said not really but nobody pressed me on it. The counsellor then said about my transfer it was too late for this semester. What she suggested is that my mum

[01:24:44] and I and possibly my dad should go to a family counsellor for the rest of the semester. I would stay in my current classes my parents would give me all my stuff back and we could see if we can come to some kind of peace before next semester. She then asked my mum that if after that I still had not changed my mind. Would she still accept the class changes? My mum said no at first because she wanted me to go to college but I told her that she had already failed me as a mother once please don't do it again. She got really

[01:25:13] quiet and said she would agree to it if that was what I really wanted. When I got home all my stuff was returned to me. I also started talking to my mum again. I just kind of felt like there wasn't a point to ignoring her anymore. I didn't treat her like a mother or anything anymore but I'll answer her if she asks me a question. It just feels that now that I have a plan a lot of my anger is gone and I just see her as a person who happens to live in my house. We haven't scheduled our first counselling session yet but I don't see it changing much

[01:25:43] anyway. The damage is done so I don't see myself changing my mind. That's pretty much it. I probably won't update again unless something crazy happens or something. Thank you to everyone who gave me good advice. OP is one strong dude man. It just breaks my heart that he has to be this way to get himself through this because he doesn't have the people that should be supporting him. his mum and dad. His dad is

[01:26:12] equally as bad in my opinion for enabling this behaviour going through with the punishments to begin with. But I'm trying to cast my mind back to when I was 15 and I wouldn't have been able to deal with that kind of stuff man. So I can only say I really wish you the best for the future in whatever path that you do decide to take. And that guidance counsellor sounds like a pretty amazing person as well. And someone that you would be able to lean on in the future if you do need that support. So if it's possible and appropriate I

[01:26:42] would certainly be keeping them in the loop about everything. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now our next story comes from throwaway grey station who says am I the arsehole for icing my friend out after he tried to police my social media postings and constantly made it a point to remind me that I'm not in shape. I 23

[01:27:12] female was friends with Josh 21 male whom I only met about eight months ago in college and we immediately hit it off. He especially gave me a lot of support after my ex broke up with me reasons unrelated to Josh. I started posting more often on my stories mostly about funny memes and occasionally selfies of me trying out looks that I really enjoyed. after I posted a story of my gym access card no personal info was on the card only the gym logo saying it's

[01:27:41] time to do something for myself. Josh messaged me privately saying okay you don't have to post everything on your story lol. He went on to say that I should only post good moments on my page and that when I achieve an amazing body then that'll be something worth posting. I was taken aback because one it's my page and two although he said I can post whatever makes me happy he kept going on about how it's better to follow his method of posting. He jokingly decided that I need a social

[01:28:11] media manager so he can monitor what is or isn't worthy of posting. Basically went through my entire Instagram page and even asked why I still have my post about my UMAP preparation. To give more context Josh is a Christian and doesn't really post on a social media. He's also commented on my body on how I haven't reached my full potential multiple times. At its worst he would mention it at least once a day. I've set boundaries with him since that although I understand where he's coming from

[01:28:41] and that I agree that I'm not in the best shape that I can be. I don't appreciate him constantly mentioning it in every conversation. He knew I battled an eating disorder for years during my teens. He'd apologised and backed off from it mostly until this happened. I almost immediately distanced myself and we went from talking almost every day to almost no contact. Josh pointed out that he noticed a significant drop in conversation but I brushed it off. He texts me a couple of times asking when I'm

[01:29:11] free but I always find a reason to end the conversation ASAP. I understand to an extent on where he's coming from as I get he's trying to tell me things from a different perspective and how what I post could seem desperate to my ex. My ex and I never unfollowed each other. However him telling me what he thinks about what I post in addition to the body comments makes me feel very uncomfortable. I felt that he cared more about getting his point across over respecting the boundaries I've set. I would perfectly understand if he started this

[01:29:41] conversation if I was consistently posting about the breakup or sad things but this was not the case. I have since removed him as a follower so am I the asshole for pulling away. And we do have a couple of updates to this post as well which OP kindly gave us. As I was reading this and you know he's trying to get you to like seek his approval I can't remember the exact word that it is a form of like manipulation where they try to get you to seek their approval I'll google it after this but

[01:30:10] to me it just sounds like you've come out of a breakup and you've started to move on do stuff for yourself and sort of empower yourself in some ways going back to the gym doing what you want to do for yourself which you know more power to you I think and I would like to think as a friend if I was your friend in this situation I'd be bigging you up I'd be like yeah you know what fair play to you I know that you've just gone through this breakup so you do you you post as much as you want on your social media it's none of his bloody business to be quite honest

[01:30:40] you said that you understand to an extent where he's coming from well to be quite frank you shouldn't you said it's a different perspective it's a wrong perspective and the worst thing which absolutely infuriated me I know people with eating disorders and to say that to someone who's been who's gone through an eating disorder in the past is absolutely disgusting that can be so damaging and it could potentially set someone back to

[01:31:10] square one but absolutely you are not the asshole for pulling away in this situation but Genevieve says not the asshole tell him he still hasn't reached his full friend potential and you don't want him until he does because you only engage with people worth engaging with miss murder pants says not the asshole people like that seem to be energy vampires and a collage says not the asshole shut up Josh if I wanted to hear an asshole talk I'd fart

[01:31:40] amazing I'm such a child it's all you ever need to say post what makes you happy not what some tactless moron tells you you should post he has nothing actually constructive to say he just needs to be quiet a silent fool is always better received than a loud one Opie says ah man I wish I was clever enough to say that to him at the time lol I'll be posting an update maybe in the next day and once I get the final verdict I'm posting part one first so people can get the full context

[01:32:10] exquisite gerbil says not the asshole he's not trying to show you a different perspective he expects you to see the light and accept that his opinion is the one and only irrefutable truth he is rude treating you as lesser with the I know best attitude and you're being way too understanding the comments about your body are far over the line he does not have a point it doesn't matter if the comments are technically correct they are incredibly rude and damaging sounds like he's trying to chip away your self-confidence

[01:32:40] with little digs disguised as advice I'm seeing red flags that he may be controlling maybe he's just an obnoxious buffoon who just thinks he knows best but it could be that he's taking the first steps to get you to compromise away your boundaries if so be on the lookout for over-the-top apologies and love bombing not necessarily romantic love to close the recent distance decent pair says josh is negging you that's the word I was looking for it's a well-known psychological manipulation

[01:33:10] technique aimed at lowering your self-esteem and triggering you to seek their approval narcissistic people are predators who instinctively know how to push your weakest buttons and feed on your self-doubt anger and attention you give them the only way to win that game is not to play ghost josh he's not your friend so op gave us an update post and said hey it's me again yesterday i posted to ask if i was the arsehole for icing out my friend josh after he attempted

[01:33:39] to police my social media postings and patronized my body i went to bed soon after and holy crap i did not expect to wake up to my phone being blown up the amount of not the arsehole and supportive comments were overwhelming and i thank each and every one of you i also saw some fhqs i would like to clarify one i saw someone ask why i posted in a few threads about the same topic from past experience i wasn't sure if i'd be able to get a lot of feedback in one single thread hence i tried it out

[01:34:09] as i've seen a couple of people do it i also had issues with accidentally violating community rules because my post is relationship related my attempts to post on the actual am i the arsehole community has all ended in instant or delayed removals i didn't expect this post to blow up to the extent it did two many of you guys mentioned josh's actions as negging and secretly liking me even if all of what i said never happened i've never and will never like josh romantically i don't know whether it's his

[01:34:38] intention to mold me into having an amazing body so he can date me if that's what he's trying to do that's very appalling and it only solidifies that i would never let anything beyond friendship happen between us three josh and i are schoolmates and we study the same course in college so i feel that it's not in my best interest to block him unless he tries pushing my boundaries again my instagram account is private and i've already removed him from my followers list so he no longer has access to what i post this is also the only

[01:35:08] social media that he has of me four i dropped him i'm simply asking if my actions were justified and just want validation that i'm not overreacting to this now onto the update three weeks ago josh text me asking if i was mad at him as he noticed he wasn't hearing from me i initially left him on red but eventually decided that it was time to lay everything out i typed up a few long texts on how the past conversations really annoyed me and made me very uncomfortable whether he sees

[01:35:38] it or not he completely overstepped his place as a friend with the comments on my body i told him that he crossed the line multiple times even after i stated that i want him to stop and regarding his social media comments if no one asked for his opinion he should keep his thoughts to himself i also stated the fact that the number of times he commented on my body in a month far exceeded how many times my dad would mention it in an entire year he apologized for making me feel that way explaining that he got too comfortable and recognized he

[01:36:07] hurt me with his comments he explained himself as only trying to encourage me especially seeing how hurt i was from the breakup from how he worded his apology i think he still doesn't realize that the real reason the friendship ended was because he disrespected my boundaries and not just because of his comments i thought about explaining further but no longer can i be bothered to argue with him we made an agreement to stay civil in school and to continue helping each other out with studies but that from now on i want no conversation with him

[01:36:35] outside of academics coming to the decision to call him out was very difficult as i'm a very non-confrontational person i'm usually someone who just lets the friendship fizzle out by itself never have i ever full-on put a friend in their place and drop them out like that but i had a feeling that he would keep trying to get an answer from me so i just went fuck it although i'm so relieved for finally getting everything out and that he didn't try to put up a fight part of me still feel sad about it as we were once best

[01:37:03] friends it also sucks to lose a boyfriend and a friend within a six-month time frame there were times when i wondered if i went too far by severing almost all ties with him if this was worth ending a friendship for i ended up coming to terms that it wasn't his comments that i found offensive it was that i set a clear boundary for him and he chose to ignore and forget about it i also feel that he was projecting his standards on me that showed me he prioritized getting his point across over respecting my wishes and to me his intentions

[01:37:32] are irrelevant because of this i always make it my first priority to respect my friends boundaries once they mention it on me once they mention it to me and i'm slightly disappointed in myself that i let josh go on for a couple of months before i decided to pull away and eventually cut him off i will always appreciate josh for giving me support after my breakup but i now have zero confidence that he respect any boundaries i try to put up in the future we'll have to see him when college starts again in two weeks fingers crossed that he doesn't try to push anything

[01:38:00] as any attempts will earn him a block on all my methods of contact we'll update anything significant happens for now i'm lucky to be surrounded with friends and acquaintances who appreciate me for who i am and i never been happier i'm also thankful that i gained the awareness and self-confidence to recognize abnormal behaviors and to not tolerate anyone who's disrespectful towards me once again a big thank you to all for reading my posts and what's worth thank you for all the supportive and savage and hilarious comments

[01:38:30] lol i wish the best in life for all of you the op comes in with which they're calling their final update the first paragraph of it they just give a summary of what happened and shares links to part one and two and then says after cutting josh off we did not speak at all for over a month i'm not gonna lie it was really hard especially after the grief of the friendship breakup hit josh and i were very close we essentially had a big sister younger brother relationship i had to get used to

[01:38:59] him no longer being one of the first people that i decided to share a personal milestone or even just a meme with during the first week of school we did not even make eye contact and he sat far away from me during the lectures this was a stark contrast to us always sitting together and laughing about random shit part of me was relieved that he was finally respecting the boundaries i put up but it also stung knowing how close we once were after taking that month to process everything and based on our past interactions i knew he very

[01:39:28] likely didn't have any malicious intentions when he said those things to me but was just unfortunately extremely ignorant and oblivious to how he was acting after talking to a friend about everything i'd been feeling i decided to reach out to josh and ask to talk in person after class i missed my best friend i missed the dynamic of our friendship i knew his attitude will be a crucial factor in determining whether we can be friends again if we reconcile i can forgive but not forget

[01:39:56] and if we don't this would have been good to close the chapter on my part josh had already had an inkling of what i wanted to talk about he explained that after we stopped speaking he understood how badly fucked up and how out of line he was when his co-workers learned of what he did they ripped him apart asking why on earth he would do that to me that made me smile because i'm glad his co-workers actually think with their heads instead of their asses i told him while i'm hurt by what he did to me our friendship meant

[01:40:25] a lot to me and after seeing that he's genuinely remorseful i think we can move past this i also acknowledged that i could have handled the situation better by immediately confronting him instead of giving him the cold shoulder for two months before saying anything we agreed that hard boundaries need to be set if he criticizes my body again or breaks any more boundaries the friendship will immediately be terminated i told him that it will take time for me to trust him again and for the friendship to return back to the way it

[01:40:53] was or if ever he understood and was glad that i was willing to talk to him again as i said before i'm usually someone who never looks back once i cut the cord however i made my first exception considering josh and i had such strong sibling like bond and seeing him take accountability for his actions we're nowhere near back to normal yet but at least we can get along well and not have things be awkward in school again for now i will remain cautiously optimistic for those who followed my story from part

[01:41:23] one i thank you all for your support so far josh has been very respectful of my boundaries and we promise to immediately communicate if we accidentally overstep any unspoken boundaries hopefully i won't have to make a part four so this will be it signing off and best wishes to all of you now of course i've read this in the space of a few minutes so this has all happened very quickly for me so my first thoughts are i still don't like josh personally you mentioned your eating disorder and and he

[01:41:52] talked about your body like that i've seen the damage comments like that can cause and that's just a bridge too far for me and that's not forgivable but you know this is your life and you need to lead it and you need to deal with it in the best way possible you're putting up boundaries again another thing that rubbed me the wrong way in this is that you know when this co-worker learned of what he did they ripped him apart and asked him why on earth he would do that to me of course why wouldn't anyone but it still required you to go up to him to talk this out can people change

[01:42:22] will your friendship work potentially who knows and and i truly hope that he does learn his lesson he is remorseful for this because the alternative is he gets comfortable again and does it again which i really hope it doesn't go down that path for you op but a couple of the top comments after this one firefly says i hope this all works out for you i know you said josh has taken accountability for his actions but this doesn't really come across in any of the three posts in quotes he explained that after we stopped speaking he

[01:42:50] understood how badly fucked up and how out of line he was when his co-workers learned of what he did they ripped him apart asking why on earth he would do that to me firefly continues i noticed that he needed other people to point out what he had done he didn't seem to come to that conclusion himself even after you explain how he made you feel please continue to expand your friend group don't just rely on this guy hope he says thank you for your advice i think he realized it after i finally told him

[01:43:18] his co-workers reactions were just further confirmation on that and yes i do have lots of other friends other than him i'm optimistic but still cautious as we only talked not so long ago i will be observing to see if his actions align with his words pheromancer says there's a song i really like that goes if it weren't for second chances we'd all be alone that being said it has to be on your terms not his i'm glad to hear that he's got an

[01:43:47] idea of how badly he messed up in this it's also very good to hear that you're being resolute and strong in your boundaries the second chance is a gift that we should be careful giving out not everyone deserves it hope things work out with your friend but before we move on to another story i just want to say op thank you for sharing your story on our subreddit and i truly hope whatever path you take going forward it works out for you as you

[01:44:13] deserve it but now i turn this one to you guys what do you guys make of this situation let me know your thoughts down in the comments below let's have another story and our next story comes from the am i the arsehole subreddit does have like a little update attached to it it's from no job 7202 who says am i the arsehole for proving to my boyfriend the nerds never cared about the popular

[01:44:38] kids in high school my boyfriend and i both 25 went to the same high school my boyfriend was talking about our high school days he thought high school me would have been thrilled to date the popular guy because i was a nerd mind you we're 25 and it's 2024 i played along for a bit until i realized he wasn't joking he literally thought that i told him that i didn't know he existed he was surprised and said he was a popular kid he played football and was in

[01:45:08] the popular crowd he said i must have been lying i told him the nerds never cared about the popular kids in high school because we were fiercely competing amongst ourselves for college admissions for a backstory on our town my boyfriend was born and raised there but i moved when i was 13 along with a bunch of other high achieving kids that's because an engineering company opened up a branch near that town and brought in a ton of engineers and their families so it was a

[01:45:35] sleepy town with a big high school that suddenly got a ton of competitive kids and i mean insanely competitive nobody had time to think about popular kids or really anything but college admissions i was only getting four or five hours of sleep a night regularly sports like football or cheerleading which required five days a week training at school were out of the question and i saw the same people regularly because we're all in the same classes so all of the drama was contained

[01:46:03] within that group of 50 to 100 or so students it paid off for me i got into a top college and had no student loans it was literally cheaper than the state school and despite my auto-generated username i do have a good job that i enjoy my boyfriend said that i'm lying i don't like being called a liar though i literally reached out to all my high school nerd friends and yep they didn't know the popular group and the ins and outs of the dynamic like my boyfriend thought a few people recognize some names but like i said

[01:46:32] we were really focused on competing with each other he got quiet when i proved my case he said i humiliated him and i proved my point and we should never mention high school again i talked with his sister and she said that high school was a special experience for him and i ruined his memories am i the arsehole and as i said op made like an update within the same post replying to some of the comments basically um but i noticed the top comment straight away and it said peaked in high school

[01:47:01] and i didn't notice this was like kind of a a thing i understand what it means obviously but nick says not the arsehole i won't echo the peaked in high school thing because while it may have an echo of truth i also think it's reductive i think it's more important for your boyfriend to realize that the reason nerds bond together in places like high school and why weirdos slash nerds slash freaks slash geeks self-identify as such despite implied social stigma is that it's a

[01:47:28] conscious act of defiance against the notion that their self-worth is solely defined by their dominant social hierarchy op says i'm going to be really honest here it was not about defiance in any way for us in fact we played more heavily into a social hierarchy measured by the prestige of your college and perceived pathway it was a very competitive and unhealthy environment the reason i or other people didn't care about popular kids or freaks or weirdos because they weren't competitors

[01:47:54] if my boyfriend was a student athlete who had great stats we would have all have known and cared it's not a good thing but it's the reality of many high achieving students in high schools constant gold says ugh not one of those peaked in high school kids who always want to talk about it what does high achieving you see in him this scenario is the basis for many cheesy movies based on high school op says he's got a ton of qualities that i love he definitely consumes too many cheesy movies but i can't complain when he loves

[01:48:23] romance movies maybe more than me pk blaze says no one's an arsehole here i think being popular in high school gave him an ego and everyone in his circle knew him clearly this wasn't the case as you and others didn't those circles don't really mix anyway outside of him calling you a liar which he should apologize for it doesn't seem much of a big deal on either end op says i don't think it's a big deal either way i find it kind of funny that he knew who i was at least in senior year but i didn't

[01:48:52] know who he was despite his perceptions so op gave an update in the same post and said update this is crazy i didn't expect so many wild replies it's already on tiktok i know my boyfriend isn't a loser still stuck in his glory days in high school so i talked to him and asked why he was upset at me not knowing him in high school well he told me he did have a passing hallway crush on me mustache eye bags and and all which was flattering to hear he felt

[01:49:20] defensive because i felt i kind of stomped all over his daydreams of fleeting thoughts of each other he also literally thought i was lying because he knew of me and he thought wrongly that i would know of him i hate being called a liar which made me go on the war path don't worry i didn't tell my friends why i was asking about my boyfriend's friend group but they'd probably figure it out he apologized and we hugged it out honestly these comments were really

[01:49:45] wild people were salivating over my boyfriend being this apparent loser jock character i wasn't making a statement about anything my boyfriend and i just ran in different social groups neither better nor worse than the other well maybe mine was slightly more toxic we had different social experiences with good and bad points i can't believe the number of stereotypes about nerds which i never considered myself lol or popular kids in these comments i was definitely not taking a social

[01:50:14] stance by not noticing the popular kids they weren't in my radar i missed way more days of school than my boyfriend for competitions for my clubs as a boring person i didn't have any drama but i witnessed a lot there were always parties and sneaking around but there was always this undercurrent of stress that dominated my school life i don't regret high school and i'm grateful for the opportunities and experiences but i don't want to go back i'm not better or worse than my boyfriend because of my

[01:50:43] high school experience we're all just people at the end of the day and i kind of like that update it's not massively dramatic and you know opi's just saying you know we've all we're all people with our backgrounds and opi says themselves they're not particularly happy about their past and they can see that you know in some ways it was toxic themselves it was nice to see that you know they just hugged it out in the end and and hopefully can move past it because i personally couldn't see them breaking up

[01:51:12] over this but i don't know what do you guys make of this situation let me know your thoughts down in the comments below now our next story comes from a deleted user and before we do get into the story there is talk of fertility within the story so if you do want to skip it please feel free to do so timestamps are always down in the description and along the timeline below thank you and it's titled am i the arsehole here for divorcing my wife because she lied about her fertility

[01:51:41] i male 38 have been with my wife natalie female 37 for eight years married for four years natalie has a daughter from a previous relationship kaya female 12. kaya's dad left when she was a newborn we have no idea where he is i love her as if she were mine she calls me dad and has a great relationship with me i told natalie from the very beginning that i would like to have biological children and she said she is

[01:52:09] open to having more kids after we got married we bought a nice place and started trying for a baby after a year we did some testing and all came back normal my wife said ivf would be too costly and hard on her body i was secretly devastated but i decided to come to terms with the fact that i'll never have any biological kids this was until a few days ago when i found out from natalie's sister

[01:52:34] that natalie lied to me she and her sister got into a fight in our house and her sister screamed at least i don't take pills behind my husband's back and claim i'm infertile does he know you had an abortion i was floored my wife kicked her sister out and started crying saying she really didn't want another kid and didn't want to lose me i can't believe she lied to me instead of just talking to

[01:52:59] me i just left i've been staying at my parents house since then natalie begs me to come back and she says we can try for a baby kaya even messaged me to come back my parents think i should just move on and give her another chance she made a mistake and she apologized am i the arsehole here for wanting a divorce for this lie opi adds i live in canada i'm pro-choice i do believe women have the right

[01:53:26] to control their bodies don't lecture me about her rights but this is a different case she lied to me i could now have a baby in my arms i have no idea she is against having more babies until a few days ago abortion happened 1.5 years after our wedding yes my baby yes she saw me devastated and upset when she claimed we can't have a baby i can't believe she lied to my face now this is just you know all

[01:53:55] about the actual lying for me you can choose to want more kids you can choose to not have any more children that's totally up to you these are your choices but to lie about your fertility to your partner like that is devastating i feel like i say it all the time now but once the trust is gone in a relationship how do you rebuild from that i'm sure there are some people that can but i always

[01:54:18] struggle to move past that and especially something as huge as this not discussing it just straight out lying but in the comments impact says not the arsehole there is nothing wrong with not wanting to have kids there is nothing wrong with not wanting to have more kids there is nothing wrong with changing your mind about wanting or not wanting kids this is not about any of that this is about the fact that your

[01:54:43] partner chose over and over again to lie to you to allow you to dream about a future she knew you won't have with her she lied betrayed and misled you for years even if she did at 180 and honestly wanted kids now is this really someone you'd want to stay with a co-parent with to be the mother of your child and that comment said it better than than i could in that situation like how do you move on from

[01:55:07] something like that it's just a massive betrayal leon says that's not a mistake that's an eight year lie every single day that prevented you from having a child the great news is that you can have one with someone else not your stranger says not the arsehole that is not a small lie i generally support women's rights to choose but lying is not a right she aborted your wanted child without discussing it with you that's a pretty high level of betrayal she told her sister

[01:55:37] but not you how many people knew how many people kept the truth from you and for how long i'm sorry op and a final comment from challenge houdini who says it's the fact that she now wants you to come home to have a baby with her that disgusts me so not only is she lied and deceived you for eight long years about being infertile taking birth control pills and aborting your baby which you desperately wanted without ever letting you know now all of a sudden she is truthful and honest and

[01:56:04] wants to consider your feelings she is deceitful as they come she only wanted you to father her daughter from her ex she never truly cared about you in the relationship she's scared you won't be around to be a father to her daughter anymore hence why she's giving you a baby i would never ever trust her again not the arsehole op updates the post sometime later and says thank you for all your kind

[01:56:29] comments and private messages i did receive a few unkind ones accusing me of trying to control her body or making her feel unsafe which is why she secretly went through with it natalie came over to my parents house last night after dinner she dropped off kaya at her friends because she said she needed to talk to me i'm glad i gave her the chance because now i have no doubt she is a pathological liar she said after her first pregnancy she had to work so hard to be in shape and she

[01:56:56] swore she would never do that again i said then you lied to me from day one she said she thought she would change her mind but she didn't then she saw me come to terms with not having a baby so she decided not to tell me i said so you lied more you got rid of my baby because you wanted to stay fit you didn't even discuss anything with me how could you do that to me i could be holding my baby right now and you

[01:57:22] stole that from me she said she is sorry but the good news is she still can i said you are still lying you still don't want a baby and you're only saying it so i stay i don't even know what to believe anymore i can't trust you ever she started crying saying kaya is so sad you left us because i can't give you a baby i lost it you lied to her too is this why she thinks i left i told her it's over

[01:57:48] and to get out of my parents house she cried and cried i'll meet with my lawyer this week to start the separation process i'll send a text to kaya and explain that i didn't abandon her and will do anything to be in her life i never legally adopted her sadly i can't believe i blindly trusted her all these years as for kaya's dad i have no idea who he is she refuses to talk about it we have another update on

[01:58:15] this in a second but the top comments on that one said the lack of an adoption might not matter but my stepfather and mother divorced he was able to get visitation rights but not custody or decision making power as the courts thought it was best for the child me if this is a priority for you make sure your lawyer knows it opie says i'll discuss this with my lawyers this week salt concept says in quotes she said after her first pregnancy she had to work so hard to be in shape and she swore she would never

[01:58:42] do that again and then says that was her excuse for lying to you for eight years and aborting your child behind your back yikes boring cycle says my eyes about popped out of my head when i read that poor op it isn't even about having a kid it's about the fact that she lied for eight years so he could be a daddy to kaya poor girl i wonder if he can get parenting time because he's been the only dad she's known for eight years the op comes in with a next update that says i'm sorry for multiple posts

[01:59:11] but you guys have been so helpful definitely more than my family and friends in real life i took your advice and met with my sister-in-law over lunch she was very reluctant to give me any info but here is what she said natalie is in no contact with her parents since before kaya was born she didn't lie about this part i asked if she knows who kaya's dad is because natalie gets upset every time i asked and refuses to talk about him she was surprised and said you're kidding right you can't be this naive

[01:59:41] it's obviously ryan her boss the guy who owns the yoga place i asked about their relationship she kept saying natalie really loves you i begged her to tell me everything she said she thinks not sure the reason natalie had an abortion was because she wasn't sure if the baby was mine or ryan's either way she didn't want another baby i was floored she was cheating on me the same time we were trying for a baby with the

[02:00:10] same guy who already abandoned her once what's going on here why i was stupid enough to start a college fund for a kid yet she cheated on me at least once with this guy i'm gonna lose my house and half of everything she said listen you're a good guy just move on no need to dig more you're making yourself crazy i asked if kaya knows who her dad is she said absolutely not because ryan has zero desire to be in

[02:00:37] her life i want to tell everything to kaya before leaving but my parents think this is crossing the line because i'm not a dad or mom and it's none of my business my friends think i want to tell her to hurt natalie but it's the opposite i know how awful it is to be lied to and kaya deserves the truth my parents think i act like a crazy person i should just meet with a lawyer what an absolutely devastating

[02:01:04] situation and after that first update i was certainly questioning her what like why wouldn't she talk about kaya's dad why wouldn't she even like mention him or discuss it you know that was a red flag in itself for me but in the second update this is saying like there's no need to dig any further i mean how much worse can this get but ryan she says crazy how many things people wrote ended up on point

[02:01:30] and then quotes no need to dig more and then says this also sounds bad like there is more to dig out just meet the lawyer and get to the gym a real glimmer says leave the kid out of your fight with her mom if she wants to know about her dad she can ask and if she doesn't you do not have the right to violate her wishes here sorry you're hurt your ex is a b stop using the kid you're involving her too much as is stop texting her about her mom stop telling her what you and your ex talk about you can

[02:02:00] try to be there but opening her eyes to the person her mom was to you isn't fair and doesn't accomplish anything handle your business with the adult like an adult kiki says so wait she still works with her baby daddy who refuses to be a dad and they're still hooking up what an absolute mess and you know what i can say from op's point of view is best to be out of that situation in terms of kaya

[02:02:27] that's incredibly difficult isn't it and i'm not sure what the legalities are behind that but what do you guys make of this situation let me know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story and our next story comes from a throwaway account from the am i the arsehole here subreddit that says am i the arsehole for leaving a dinner party after a girl sat on my

[02:02:54] husband's lap i'm still so shook with everything so sorry for my rambling my husband jake and i have been married for three years and from the beginning he was very close with his best friend's sister cindy 18 female well my husband would often talk about her and tell how he'd seen her grown up throughout the years cindy is always very bubbly and seems very fond of jake as well

[02:03:20] i remember when we were dating she would ask to come along on our dates a lot i never really said anything as i like spending time with her as well she was like a little sister to me when we announced our engagement she asked my husband to better not forget her after being a married man and to still hang out with her well we got married i even made her my bridesmaid soon we moved to a different state and kind of lost contact now jake's best friend came to stay with us for some time and cindy came

[02:03:49] along as well now the moment she saw us the first thing she said was how hot my husband has gotten and she was glad he didn't look like those boring married men then throughout their stay cindy would just ignore my presence and would be way too close with jake i told jake that it was looking a bit inappropriate and to ask cindy to tone it down but he said that cindy is just a bit childish and is that way with everybody well at their last day we decided to host a dinner party for everybody

[02:04:19] during the dinner i was with jake when cindy came and told me oh i need to steal your husband for a while and before i could say something she grabbed jake's hand and took him for playing games i ignored it since it was their last day but then throughout the dinner she was getting way too close with jake and would drag him away whenever i would be around while giggling at me when everybody sat for dinner

[02:04:41] i sat beside jake and cindy came last she then said oh there is no seat and then just went and sat on my husband's lap everybody was surprised and jake said laughing cindy stop acting like a kid you're not a kid anymore cindy started laughing saying it was a joke and got up and sat on another seat while giggling at me yeah also angry with the disrespect and with the fact that jake was so cool with it

[02:05:08] but i didn't want to say anything bad so i excused myself took my car and went out about one hour later jake called me asking where i was i told him i'm going to my friend's house and i will come after cindy has left i know what i did was terrible but i was so angry at the time that if i had stayed there any longer i would have probably started fighting or crying i came the next day and cindy and her family

[02:05:32] had left jake was very pissed and said i took things too far i started crying and told him how everything made me feel he said i was horrible to think such things about cindy and that she was like his sister i told him that i was not doubting his intentions but i was hurt by how disrespectful cindy's behavior was and he was enabling her by not saying anything he started saying that i sound

[02:05:56] ridiculous and couldn't even take a joke referring to the sitting on lap incident i said regardless i don't want her in my house again to top it off cindy sent a message saying that she was sorry about making me so insecure in myself and that she would make sure to make me feel better but i should not have left as it was pretty childish and kind of spoiled the mood it felt so backhanded i didn't reply

[02:06:20] anything to her i just told my husband he needs to maintain a distance with cindy he asked if i was giving him an ultimatum i said if he will go as far as disregard and disrespect my feelings for cindy this really rubbed my husband the wrong way and he said i have such disgusting thoughts in my mind and is giving him an ultimatum anyways then he might as well leave because he cannot live with such an insecure person who has such disgusting thoughts about him he packed the bag and left to his mother's

[02:06:50] place i've tried apologizing numerous times telling how sorry i am for everything but he is ignoring my texts and calls later cindy's brother text me and called me a bunch of names to think like that about his sister saying jake should just leave me and a disgusting person like me deserves to be alone i could not stop crying after that i don't know how to fix this is there a way to even come back was i so

[02:07:15] wrong to deserve this i don't know anymore edit people who are asking our ages we're 25 years old just months apart and there was an update shortly after this one that said thank you for all responding and people gave me good advices and personal messages i couldn't read all the comments but now i know my feelings are valid and boundaries were crossed by cindy now during the dinner there was cindy her brother sean and his girlfriend and their cousin derek also a good friend of my husband

[02:07:43] with his boyfriend so i called derek and asked about the situation and what happened after i left he was sympathetic and said that after i left at first they thought i would come back after some time however things were really awkward but when i didn't come sean's girlfriend told cindy that she was so disrespectful for doing that derek and his boyfriend also said the same thing there cindy started crying saying didn't have to corner her and attack her over a silly joke that she didn't know it gets so out of

[02:08:11] hand she then left the room crying jake didn't know what to say and everybody left early the next day derek also told that cindy has always had issues with boundaries and when he introduced his boyfriend to everybody cindy would get too close and would joke that she was just checking if he was really gay they were really uncomfortable with it as well so derek confronted her which cindy rolled her eyes and said they can't take a joke and eventually stopped this all sounds so bizarre i don't know what's going on

[02:08:39] with cindy sean's girlfriend also texted me saying she was sorry for what happened i told him how sean's message was inappropriate but she had no idea about the text so i sent her a screenshot and asked her to tell sean not to harass me again she was very apologetic and said she would talk to him now my mother-in-law called and asked what's going on as jake didn't tell her and only said we had an argument

[02:09:04] i was a bit hesitant to tell but eventually told everything she was furious at my husband she said they will be coming to have a talk so yeah i'm just waiting for them to arrive and really nervous i don't know if what i did was right or wrong but we will see as for people saying my husband is some pedo or they're having an affair i know this is the furthest from the truth i never questioned his intentions but what hurt me was the lack of respect from cindy towards me

[02:09:31] and if i was in op's position in this situation i would feel the same way husband clearly didn't tell his mom was what was going on because he knew he fucked up here but still doubling down with it and then a couple of the comments before the updates top bit says not the arse or your only mistake was apologizing to your husband as if his accusations were fair blue wolves at night says agree she had

[02:09:56] nothing to apologize for now her apologies justify their actions as making it seem like they did nothing wrong but she did since she is apologizing i would go as far as taking back the apology 777 says not the arse or your husband should care about making you uncomfortable he pointed out it was inappropriate he blew it off up until the point that she sat on his lap and even he has to say something not because he was upset but because everyone was looking he is disregarding his own encouragement of

[02:10:25] the behavior and gaslighting you to try and make it a you problem he's a married man who was letting a young woman sit in his lap and intentionally disrespect his wife you don't have a problem with cindy you have a problem with your husband this level of disrespect to one spouse is unacceptable the day man says yeah as someone five years into marriage there are only two people i really give a shit about myself and my wife there is no situation anymore that i care about making some friends

[02:10:53] slash co-workers etc feel awkward or uncomfortable instead of my wife these posts always seem crazy when someone blows up at their spouse over you made my friend's sibling feel weird like how could you possibly care about that over the feelings of the person you spend 99 of your life with then op comes in with her update and says for people who are still asking about the update in private messages so my mother-in-law came with my husband and well the talk happened there are a lot of

[02:11:21] things but i will try to summarize basically jake apologized to me first and tried to explain his point of view he said that he was angry because a i left without saying anything for the whole night he was literally trying to just diffuse the situation and tried to laugh it off because it was so awkward he didn't know what else to do but instead of communicating i just left him in that weird situation as a child is everything's big서 huge

[02:11:48] children have needs issues that you see as a child sometimes wrong and you will somehow retake to sell others a baby puppet perhaps too heavy for little children as a step for children at a year there is emирion much better the baby born lena in 36 cm she lets you carry a light around and is perfectly strict you have them perfect on the small

[02:12:19] He was meeting with his friends after such a long time and just wanted the dinner to be peaceful and Cindy was going back anyways and we would most likely never meet her again. He acknowledged Cindy was indeed overstepping boundaries but he didn't know how to bring it up since he has literally seen her growing up and she is like a little sister to him. Also she acts like that with everyone. He thought that it was just for a few days and he wanted no drama during their stay so he would just brush it off.

[02:12:47] He did acknowledge he was wrong about not saying anything. He was already really worried and sad because how I just felt with no explanations. Even after I came not once I asked how he felt. He was also very overwhelmed with everything and felt I was accusing him for not doing anything when he literally pushed her off as politely as possible when she tried to sit. He felt I was attacking his character and even gave the ultimatum which made him so sad as he felt as if I thought less of him.

[02:13:14] It wasn't about Cindy but about how easy it was for me to question his sincerity. He said that after dinner he was going to go extremely low contact with her anyways. He apologized for not speaking up about the disrespect Cindy was showing towards me and for also leaving like that. Then after Jake said everything mother-in-law explained Jake about the situation from her perspective. She scolded him a lot as well. In short she told him that as a husband it was his responsibility to make me feel like I am his priority

[02:13:44] and that he disappointed me the moment I had to come to him to ask for establishing boundaries. As a husband it was his duty that I never would have to come to him about this in the first place. She also asked him how he would have felt had it been a guy on my lap and he had no answer to it. She told him how what I did was an eruption of suppressed feelings and as a husband it was his duty to go after me and never let me leave in the first place.

[02:14:09] There were a lot of things said by her and Jake seemed to realize and sincerely apologize for his actions. She told him if he ever pulls such a stunt ever again then not to expect her to take him in. Later she took me for a walk. It was just the two of us and there she explained some things to me as well. She said that she is sorry for everything but told that even at her house Jake was distraught. He didn't tell her because most likely he knew he was wrong too but was overwhelmed about everything as well.

[02:14:37] She said in no way is she excusing her son's behavior but would hope that I would forgive him. She also said that in no circumstances I need to leave my house as it was my house and my family. She said I shouldn't be afraid in speaking my mind if anything makes me uncomfortable and to talk to her if Jake does something stupid again and she will set him straight. She hoped we work it out since she has seen our love for each other and it would be sad to see us split up due to some disrespectful brat. So worse.

[02:15:05] She said she cannot have a say in our issues but suggested that we get counseling to understand each other better. She even bought ice cream for me. I know it's a bit childish but she said sweet things work as a charm when people are upset and well she was right. Well it was awkward at night. Jake came to our room and we didn't know what to say. After a while we talked and both apologized to each other. However I did tell her that I was angry at him to tell everything to Sean and was deeply hurt by the text he sent me.

[02:15:33] He said he didn't know what I was talking about and I showed him the text. He said he didn't tell Sean about our fight and only told him that he was at mum's place. He called Sean and well it turns out Sean told Cindy how she went too far at the party. Then Cindy made a huge sob story about how I was passive aggressive with her the whole time. I would always try to question her character and act insecure and jealous. She even went on to say that I was always like that with her even when she was a kid

[02:16:01] and that I never liked her and always tried to manipulate people into thinking I was an angel while she was a slur. Well that made him angry to think how I've been treating Cindy and he sent those texts. Jake and I was baffled by such accusations and he tried to explain how it wasn't true. Then Jake just let it be and decided to go no contact with Cindy and extremely low contact with Sean. Jake apologized again and we just cuddled and slept. Well Cindy is out of our lives for good now.

[02:16:30] And we've decided to go to counseling for better communication in the future. Let's see how everything goes in the future but yeah we're not getting divorced. I know a lot of people wanted me to show Jake this post but he was so sad and got scolded a lot already. So I decided not to show him for now. Maybe in the future. Sorry for all this rambling. Have a good day people. Edits. I read people saying we should be no contact with Sean too. And I felt that it would be best to let that friendship go as well. So I talked to my husband about it and he agreed.

[02:17:00] So he sent a text to Sean stating that he could not be friends with him and then blocked him as well. To clarify. I have somewhat forgiven Jake for his actions but I told him he needs to rebuild the trust I had. So I know I can rely on him in situations like that. He agreed and will get couples counseling as well. Thank you for all your advice. You will make me feel less lonely in all of this. Now part of me wants to praise the mother-in-law in this situation because she sounds like someone to have in your corner right?

[02:17:28] But mother-in-law shouldn't have had to be involved in the first place. It just sort of gave me an image and I know it's probably not the way it happened but like mother-in-law sort of like grabbing him this 25 year old by his ear and dragging him around to his house and then sitting down and telling him to apologize like some naughty five year old. I mean why did it take mother-in-law to come around with him to do this in the first place? He should have done this. Or he should have at least been around there discussing the situation like an adult with OP.

[02:17:57] So that kind of stuff rubbed me the wrong way and I'm not sure how what the future looks like for them but all I can do is wish them all the best for trying in their relationship. I'm sure there was a lot of comments calling out you know you disrespect is too much etc etc but what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now our next story comes from a throwaway account from the relationship advice subreddit.

[02:18:25] It does have a fair few updates to this post as well and it's titled There's a lot of background here so I try to keep it to what's relevant. Married 10 years, dated 3 before that and we have 2 kids. Her parents are divorced. Her mum comes from a wealthy family and when her parents got married her family did a lot of legal and financial stuff and prenups and stuff to keep the money safe.

[02:18:55] Growing up her mum was busy a lot and was the primary breadwinner. Her dad really was the one who raised her. He was the one who took her and picked her up from school, who helped her with her homework and went to her shows, plays, games etc. When she was 12 it turned out her mum had been having an affair and it led to her parents divorcing. This is where her mum's family's money comes in. They were able to afford very good lawyers and her money had already been locked up tight.

[02:19:22] So she wound up with custody and he left the marriage with not very much to his name. And since he had spent so much time raising her, he neglected his own career. He struggled after that. My wife has a fraught relationship with her mother. She never really forgave her mother for the affair, the divorce and her destroying his life. When she was a teenager, she chose to move in with her dad. So that's a bit of background. She remained close to her dad to this day.

[02:19:48] He's been an active part of our lives and he spends a lot of time with our kids, who both love him. But he's been struggling. Covid was really hard for him because he really couldn't work. He fell behind on his bills and he's been struggling to catch up ever since. He's now about to be evicted. My wife wants him to move in with us. She says it's absolutely unacceptable to her for him to be homeless when we have a basement we can move him into. Thing is, the basement is my space.

[02:20:18] It's set up to be my retreat and now she wants to turn it into a bedroom for him. We've been arguing about this because she says she won't allow him to be homeless. My point is, he won't be homeless. He has a place he can go with his sister. But she lives on the other side of the country. My wife hates that idea. She says she wants him to be a part of her and our kids' lives and not on the other side of the country. He's not a bad guy. I don't hate him or anything. I just want some space for our family.

[02:20:46] My wife's position is that he is family and he can help with her kids. She's accusing me of caring more about my man cave than the well-being of her father. That's an exaggeration. He isn't going to be homeless. He can move in with his sister. This argument is starting to become pretty ugly now and she's threatening to take the kids and move out to find a place with him if I won't agree to let him move in here. I resent that threat. I'm starting to wonder if this is really a hill I should die on.

[02:21:15] On the other hand, I'm shocked and angry that my wife seems ready to throw away a whole marriage over this. Now, I'm not sure if this is a good take or a bad take because I'm sure some people, you know, will fight for their space, etc, etc. But I feel like if I was in that position and, you know, my hypothetical father-in-law was in this struggle, my wife expressed how much he means to her, etc. You know, that guy's my family as well. And he sounds like a good chap and I myself have a man cave

[02:21:45] and I would give that up if need be. No one said it was permanent. The threatening to take the kids did also rub me the wrong way. Obviously, you know, you need to have a deep, serious conversation here. But Garden Gnome says, you do care more about your man cave than both your wife and father-in-law. Yet another TV. You can hang out in your bedroom. Jesus, dude. Your solution involves your wife never seeing her father and your kids growing up without him. So you can go and sit in your basement occasionally.

[02:22:16] Holy shit. Kara says, are you kidding me? First of all, before we touch on the father-in-law part, where is wife's basement size relaxation space? Does she have one? Second, he's a staple in your children's lives. You're willing to make that disappear. Because if he is on the other side of the country, he's not going to be with them. You'd be robbing your children of the time left with him. Third, you'd be robbing your wife of the time remaining with him.

[02:22:43] I'm so mad at you and I don't even know you. Eleanor Likes Vodka says, are you for real? Your position would be easier to understand if you had no room, but you do. Let me ask you something. Does your wife have a space in your home that is exclusively hers? That she can retreat to in order to rest or practice her hobbies? If the answer is no, why doesn't she? Why are you the only one who gets the luxury of having such a space? Why is your man cave, let's be honest, that's what it is,

[02:23:11] more important than housing the man who raised your wife? Why do you get to monopolize a whole basement that is solely for your benefit? This is a hell worth dying on. For her. Maybe this is the first step towards realizing she's married to a very selfish man. He replied to that saying, no, because my wife doesn't work on call in a high pressure job as a surgeon like I do. She doesn't need space to unwind after she loses a patient like I do. Oh, dearie me, dude. You tit.

[02:23:38] Pretty Green Feather says, as a surgeon, married to a surgeon, you suck. Get off your high horse and realize you're not nearly as important as you think you are. Throwaway says, super simple. If you have a loving relationship with your own parents, imagine if it was your dad on the verge of becoming homeless. If you don't, then it will be hard for you to understand and you might end up in a divorce. I assume your wife will learn from her own mom and she will end up with house, kids and a dad in the basement.

[02:24:06] Expect similar conversation in 20 years between your kids and their partners where you will end up. He replies, I haven't spoken to or seen my dad in 22 years. I could not care less if he was homeless and I wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire. For all I know, he could be homeless now and I'd just laugh and tell him he deserved it. I don't plan to see my father again until he's in a coffin and I'll only go to his funeral and deliver a eulogy to remind everyone what a garbage person he is.

[02:24:33] And a final comment from CKM who says, she watched her mother strip her father of everything, even her, and she was powerless to help. Today, she has the chance to help because it's within her power. This is important to her for this reason alone, but the other reasons you admitted to. She doesn't have to sit back and watch him suffer today. This is the reason she will leave you because you're robbing her of the opportunity to help her father today. Do not think for one minute that she will not divorce you because she will. You are losing the following.

[02:25:02] Your wife, your children, your home, your happiness, money for the child support and alimony. That room is more important than all of these things, then by all means say no. Not only will you lose these treasures, but oh yeah, you will lose the space anyway because you won't be in the house, but he will. So Opie leaves like a mini update on that post and says, I'm going to talk to my wife about getting him an in-law suite in our yard and he can stay in permanently and give up the basement until we can build it.

[02:25:31] The comments have helped me play out how the most likely scenarios will go. Just so everyone knows whose side you're all taken here. She's a spoiled rotten princess who grew up with a silver spoon in her mouth. Everything she has was given to her. Between my salary and the trust fund her parents left her, she doesn't need to work, but she does anyway and complain she needs her dad to help with the kids. I'm a surgeon and she's an interior designer. Which one of us contributes more to humanity?

[02:26:00] She's a shallow, vapid woman who decorates houses while I'm saving lives. Nah, come on now. So the top comment after the update said, why would you say such terrible things about your wife in public like this? Well, because people on Reddit are pointing out that you're in the wrong in this situation and could choose to behave better. If you actually respected your wife, you wouldn't be this comfortable putting her down publicly when you know she's going to read it.

[02:26:27] Your disdainful words about her gives off the impression that you don't want to reconcile or compromise with your wife, but that your priority was just to receive validation of being right so that you could continue neglecting your kids without improving. So, like you might have seen on the thumbnail, wife did discover this post and posted their side of things and said, my husband is a surgeon and according to him, he's the most important person in the world.

[02:26:53] A god among men who casually determines life or death and is far, far too important to be bothered by the trivial concerns of us mere peons. Concerns like maybe you should spend more time with your fucking kids, but I'll know. You see, he works so hard and has so much pressure that when he's home, he has to be sequestered from the annoying sounds of our girls playing or, you know, being happy to see him. My dad has picked up the slack. He's been the one that's changed their diapers. I drop them off at school and go to work.

[02:27:22] Dad picks them up and stays with them till I get home. My dad was the one who taught them to ride a bike. My dad is the one who shows up to the plays in dance recitals. He's the one that helps with the homework. My dad is the one who dresses as Santa. My dad is the one who does the Easter egg hunts and the tea parties. My husband is far too important for any of that. And despite the fact that my husband has absolutely no interest in our kids, he's still pissed that the kids are closer to my dad than him. So my dad is now struggling financially.

[02:27:53] We have the means to help him, but my husband doesn't want to. He'd rather see my dad move to the other side of the country and removed from our kids' lives. I put my foot down and he goes on to Reddit to whine about it. Well, now I'm here too, dear. You want to whine about our marriage on Reddit? I can do it too. And there were some comments to the wife's side of things. You know, we're skeptical on the whole post now because whenever you see two sides of things, people are always like, oh, is this real? Is this real? Whereas I like to live in my own little world.

[02:28:22] So some of the top comments were replies from the wife says, so Blades of Grass Dewdrop says your dad's a great dad and grandpa. Your kids will know that. Wife says the kids love him. He's been a daily fixture in their lives since they were born. They know him better than they know their father. I'm not a stay-at-home parent. I also have a job. I'm also the only parent in this marriage. Everyone acts like I'm not working full-time too, but I still manage to make time for the kids. I get the kids up and dressed for school.

[02:28:50] My dad picks them up and stays with them until I get home. Kids get out at three. I'm home by six. My dad is there to pick the kids up and stays till I get home. Husband has no part in this. Sad Significance says, in my opinion, his concern about the children preferring their grandparent over him indicate a genuine desire to connect with his kids. Wife says, I've heard this before, but nothing ever changes. He complains and then tells me he has to go out of state to do some medical conference and we'll talk about it later.

[02:29:19] And we never do. He just text messaged me now. I have surgery. We'll talk about this tonight. Yeah, he always has surgery when we need to talk about this. It's like clockwork. It never fails. Abstract Lifeform says, I don't see you complaining about the lifestyle he's afforded you. Wife says, everyone keeps acting like it's all his money. Well, it isn't. I work too. And my family helped us with the house and his medical school debt.

[02:29:46] Avertly girl says your family helped with his debt and he's not willing to even budge. What the fuck? And the wife left a comment on the husband's post, which is now all of it's been removed. It's all been deleted. So all this was recovered. And it said, I'm done. This isn't about the man cave or the space and you know it. We have the money to help my dad. We have a seven bedroom fucking house with a pool and a movie theater. This isn't about space or money. This is about you being petty and jealous that the girls are closer to my dad than you.

[02:30:16] Get this through your thick fucking head. That's your fault. For nine years, everything else in your life has been more important than the girls. You work 70 hours a week. And when you're not at work, you go golfing with the people you work with. Or you're at a medical conference with the people you work with. Or you're dragging me to some fundraiser with the people you work with. When you are at home, you need to sequester yourself because the sound of my children playing annoys you. You seem to conveniently forget that they're your children too.

[02:30:44] You only seem to remember that part. But I want to move my father in to help me with our girls. It's amazing how you can be so smart and so fucking stupid at the same time. You're upset the girls love dad more than you. And you're such a petty and small man that your solution is to ship them off out of our lives and break our girls' hearts. But you don't plan to actually be a part of their lives. You just want my dad gone. I won't fucking let you take him out of their lives. The family is me, the girls, and my father.

[02:31:12] Your family are the people you work with. And you're married to your job, not me. Well, you can have it. Don't come home. Stay at the hospital or go to your whore's house. Yeah, I know about her. I don't fucking care anymore. I'm done. I'm done trying to make this marriage work. I'm done begging you to be a father. The girls won't miss you anyways. You've never shown an interest in their lives. And I'm done letting you hurt and neglect my children. They deserve someone in their lives that loves and cares for them and shows interest in them.

[02:31:43] You don't. You want to drag this out onto Reddit, then fine. Let's do this on Reddit. I'm divorcing you. We're done. Go save the world. You're free. By the way, you're worse than your parents. They may have been weird and misguided, but they were a part of your life. Now he wants to talk about this in private, everyone. Now he has a problem with this being on Reddit. You're the one who brought it here, honey. Deal with the bed you made. So around two days later, the wife updates again and says, Wow, this all blew up.

[02:32:11] I was so angry when I posted this. Now I'm just drained. He came by yesterday to pick some things up and we argued. The girls were out with my dad because I knew this would be a fight and I didn't want them around for this. He said awful things, just awful, about me, my dad and the girls. After he left, I talked to my mom. We have a difficult relationship, but if there's one person I want in my corner going into the divorce, it's her. The divorce is happening. I saw an attorney my mom recommended today.

[02:32:39] I'm really, really glad I went through with that prenup my mom wanted when we got married now. At this point, I won't speak to my soon-to-be ex-husband. My lawyer is doing my talking for me. I'm exhausted. Thank you everyone for all the support. It helped read comments and I know people supported me. He made me feel so small and stupid yesterday. And he said awful things about our girls. I'm not mad anymore. I'm just heartbroken. Our girls deserve better than this. I really want a better for them.

[02:33:08] I just wanted to have a family and a nice home. Now I'm just going through a divorce like my parents. I never wanted this. I tried so hard to keep all this together so we didn't wind up here, but I failed. Below that post, OP added a comment about how they initially met and said, When I met him, he was in medical school and working as a paramedic. He moved into my apartment and I covered the expenses so he could quit working and focus on medical school full-time. He didn't have a problem with me being an interior designer then,

[02:33:37] and he didn't resent my trust fund when it was paying for our apartment. Rubberlover says, What was his self-admitted reason for marrying you? OP says, Cash. Another commenter says, Why not pay dad's outstanding rent? OP says, You have to understand this was not about space or money like he claimed. His goal was to get my father out of our lives. My dad leaving our lives was the solution he wanted. Any solution that kept him in our lives he had a problem with. He wasn't like this when we met.

[02:34:06] And in defense of my mom, for as difficult as things have been with us over the years, I don't question that she loves me. We had had our differences in our fights, but when I need her, she comes through like she is now. And like she did with the wedding. And God bless her for her foresight in having a prenup made. What she did to my dad will never sit right with me, but she's in my corner. And right now, I'm glad to have both my parents in my corner. I don't want the girls living with someone they're afraid of. It was only tolerable because of how little he was around.

[02:34:37] Dutch says,

[02:35:06] I always said, Maybe. But without this marriage, you wouldn't have these children. That's more than a silver lining. Somewhere in the future, there might be another better suited SO. My mother, a widower, waited until my sister and I left for uni. OP says, I don't think my failure was in having my kids with him. It was in keeping this marriage together and giving him a home and family he actually wanted to come back to. Two months later, OP comes in with another update and says,

[02:35:36] Hi everyone, I'm back. My husband is now my ex-husband. I'll state you only need 30 days between filing and judgment. We both agreed divorce was best. He moved out New Year's Day and has never been back. My original post sort of went viral and it was reshared on TikTok and Facebook and our family and friends wound up seeing it. My lawyer recommended I stop posting about the divorce until it was finalized. Well, the divorce is done now. After he moved out, we both retained our lawyers and most of the divorce was handled through them.

[02:36:04] We didn't speak much until we went into final arbitration and signed the agreements to bring to the judge. About a week after I retained my attorney, I had my attorney, his attorney and some movers meet at my house to inventory everything that belonged to him, including his man cave, pack it up and ship it out to a storage unit his lawyer arranged. I didn't want to give him any reason to come after me for anything. I know people wanted me to nail him to the wall, but I really didn't want a long and bitter divorce. He wanted to go.

[02:36:33] I wanted him gone and we both wanted it to happen as soon as possible. Turns out he was offered a job in another state and he wanted to take and was itching to get out of here. We both had prenups that made the division of assets pretty painless and he had no problem with giving me full custody and paying child support. I didn't need or ask for spousal support. Honestly, how little he fought for our girls was the part that hurt me the most. The biggest disagreement we had was with the house.

[02:37:00] My mom stepped up to buy him out of the mortgage payments he put down so that me and the girls and my dad wouldn't have to move. He really wanted this done as fast as he could so he could ride off into the sunset with his affair partner and take his new job. And that's exactly what he did. He got the ending he wanted, free of me and the kids and free to be the world's best surgeon or whatever. My mom and dad both came through for me in big, big ways. Mom is a lawyer herself and she had set up the house and my other assets to be protected.

[02:37:29] She also was the one to get me my lawyer. Dad moved into the pool house and that's where he's going to stay. My dad is going to enjoy his golden years being pop-pop to our girls and dad to me. I'll make sure he won't have to worry about anything. My daughter's 10th birthday was two weeks ago. My husband promised her he would fly out for it. I made this party a really big deal. I hired performers, rented a bouncy castle, had all her classmates over. Most of my family was there. My mom and dad were able to be in the same place and not fight.

[02:37:59] We had a really great time and he never showed up. She got a card from him the day after the party with a lame apology and a $500 gift card. I asked her if she was okay and she shrugged. She had a great time at her party and didn't expect their dad to show. She knows he doesn't love her. That's what she told me. She wasn't really upset about it either. She's 10 years old and already expects him to disappoint her. It breaks my heart. But she's a trooper and she didn't let it stop her from enjoying her day.

[02:38:29] I realized that for years I've been trying to make a home for him to come home to. But he's had one foot out the door and I've been holding his hand, trying to keep him from going. I finally let go. I'm doing better than I thought I would, to be honest. And the girls are too. I don't really miss him. The girls don't really miss him. I'm not even angry about the affair. She can have him. I'm just disappointed.

[02:39:19] And we do have another update in the moment. On the outside, they may seem like they don't care, but they may really be hurting deep inside. You know, the guy sounds like he was pretty absent and not a father anyway, so it might not bother them at all. But just in case, right? But Dateline Deli says and quotes, the shallow, vapid woman who decorates houses while he's saving lives, right? And says the woman who doesn't need to work,

[02:39:46] but does so you have income and a purpose, right? Fuck that guy. With any luck, he gets slapped with a malpractice suit so he can really taste his own medicine. Insulin for the non-diabetic, I say. Opie says he could just never wrap his head around that. That I wanted to work. That I like my career. That I have relationships with clients and contractors and vendors and office staff. There was a constant argument with us. There were multiple stressors that broke our marriage. This was a big one. His steady insistence,

[02:40:15] I quit my job, close up my business and stay home. But I'm also a lazy, entitled, spoiled, rotten princess. So who the fuck knows? Dateline replies to that saying, it'd never make sense because it's nonsensical. I'm so happy for you and your daughters and father. You deserve good things. You're so fortunate to have them. Hope things improve with your mom. Had a rough patch with mine too. And it was the worst. The money stuff is another layer a lot of folks don't understand. Opie says things with my mom are getting better.

[02:40:45] And amazingly, things between my mom and dad are getting better as well. They both showed up for my daughter's tenth. And didn't fight or make catty remarks to each other. Or side eye each other. Or glare or any of it. I said it in another comment. But ironically, my marriage dissolving has done more to heal the rest of my family than anything else has. Saying what am I supposed to tell my girls, ten and seven, about their father. Mike's husband was never a present father.

[02:41:14] He's a surgeon and spent most of his time either working or doing something with his co-workers. He was rarely ever home. And when he was, he was mostly wanting to be left alone to hang out by himself in his man cave. He didn't like the girls being loud or playful because it disturbed him. Our daughters have always walked on eggshells around them. And he's never taken much of an interest in their lives. So, we just finalized our divorce. He couldn't wait to get out of the marriage. We wanted to be done with this marriage and our kids so we could take a new job in another state

[02:41:43] and live with his affair partner. I asked for her custody and he was relieved. He didn't want custody. He didn't fight at all for them. He hasn't even seen them since the day he moved out two months ago. He's gone now in another state. And my oldest had her tenth birthday about two weeks ago. I threw a really huge party for her. I made it a really big deal and he promised he would be there. He never showed. We get a card with a lame apology and a gift card from her day after her birthday. I felt so bad for her. And what makes it worse is she wasn't even upset.

[02:42:13] I asked her how she felt it and she just shrugged. She said she wasn't surprised and that dad didn't really love them. What the hell do I say to that? I'm at a loss for words because I don't believe he loves them either. So, I lied to them. Tell them of course he does. He's just busy. Do I tell her? The truth? No, he doesn't really love you? I have no idea what to say to my girls. Should I even bring it up? Just not talk about it at all. Just leave the fact that their dad doesn't give a shit

[02:42:41] and has pretty much abandoned them. Just carry on as usual because let's be honest he hasn't been part of our lives for a long, long time. He never really was. Not that much has changed for the girls besides the fact that they don't need to walk on eggshells for the one or two days a month he was even at home. I just, I just don't know. Both the girls are in therapy now. We all are. Maybe this is something I should bring up there. And absolutely that's my thoughts. I'm glad to see that OP did turn to therapy

[02:43:11] for all of them to get them to get them through this basically. And I definitely think that should be brought up. Like, this guy from what we've read here is an absolute shitty person. Bad father. Where these girls have had to tiptoe around him all the time. Not disturb him. Always told that they're being too loud. But I still imagine that they have very, very complicated feelings around it all. This is someone who's still been a part of all of their lives. And I can remember some of my thoughts and feelings

[02:43:39] around that sort of young age. And sometimes it's really hard to navigate certain things. I can only imagine that completely cutting him off out of their lives is only going to be beneficial for them in the long run. But I think it will be a difficult process to deal with at the same time. But all I can really say is I do really wish you all the best. You, your girls, your father, and your mum of course. And I hope that, you know, they all mend their relationships in the end. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make

[02:44:08] of this situation? Holy moly. What a ride that was. Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now, our next story comes from Cat Owner Victim from the Off My Chest subreddit and says, My husband-to-be wants everyone to know I'm not pure. Saying that didn't make me feel good. It's exactly what the title says. I've been with my fiancé for six years and engaged for the past eight months. I've been doing most of the wedding planning but my fiancé, let's just call him Ryan,

[02:44:39] will give his input here and there. So, about a month ago, Ryan out of nowhere said he was talking to some of his co-workers and thinks that I shouldn't wear a white dress. This was totally weird to me. Ryan is a very artistic guy so I figured this was more about how the photos would turn out or something along those lines but I'm set on wearing white. I told him this and I could see that he was annoyed but he let it go. Two weeks ago, I finally picked and paid for my dress and this caused

[02:45:08] a huge argument. Ryan again came to me very annoyed. He asked to see the dress I picked but I said no because I wanted it to be a surprise for our wedding day. He asked me to at least tell him what colour it was and when I said white he threw a fit. I honestly do not see why this was a big deal almost everyone wears white on their wedding day. When I asked him what colour he thought I'd be wearing he told me that I should wear red. Again, this was super weird to me. I asked him

[02:45:37] why I would wear red to our wedding and he told me that brides only wear white when they are pure. For some background, Ryan and I started dating when I was 21 and he just turned 20. He was a virgin when we met and I only had one other person who was my ex-boyfriend of four years throughout high school. This caused a lot of problems in the first year of our relationship and we almost did not continue dating because of how insecure he felt. After that first year it was never a problem again until now I guess. He went to his mum

[02:46:07] about all of this thinking she would convince me but she's on my side. So two nights ago Ryan, his mum and I stood in our living room and argued about my sex life being shown in a dress. His mum stated that he is no longer a virgin either so maybe he should wear red too and he burst out crying. Ryan is still stating that me wearing a white dress would be deceiving all of the guests and that is different for guys. This all has honestly made me question even marrying him. I don't know if it's just because everything

[02:46:36] is so fresh but I'm really disgusted by him. He's not even religious so I know this is just about him still thinking about me losing my virginity at 18 before I even knew him. We just needed to rant to anyone about how psycho this is. And that is a deal breaker for the relationship right there. This guy wants to punish you for having sex before you met him. That is insane. And if for some bizarre reason you did stay with this guy what does the future look like for you? Is he going to be

[02:47:06] bringing this up at other stages of your life as well? Imagine when you have children. What kind of bullshit is he going to come up with his head then? Greycat17 says look if he is this secure after six years together things are not going to improve. Is he going to mention your impurity in his wedding speech? Is he going to try to leverage this in your marriage to get what he wants? Is he going to demand paternity tests for your children? I'd seriously consider what you are signing up for. Dude sounds messed up as fuck.

[02:47:36] Inevitable Okra says Jesus throw the whole man in the bin. For six years he's been planning on getting back at you for not being a virgin at your wedding. I'm petty as fuck. And we'll just stop having sex with him. Yeah. As a child is just everything around the world is huge. Children have needs, which you sometimes are wrong to consider wrong. If you give a baby pup, it's often too big for little children. As a step for children in a year is the baby born

[02:48:06] Lena in 36 cm. She lets it be light around and is perfectly with her old-y play-played perfect on the smallest and put on the baby born that's why I would say that since he finds your sexual history so disgusting he's now part of the history while you tell him to pack his shit and go and find a virgin at 26. Toe Truck says he's got no idea. The bride

[02:48:35] wearing white to symbolize virginity was something that dates back to the renaissance. However, in the majority of western countries, it has come to symbolize the bride's first wedding and even that isn't taken seriously by brides on their second or more weddings. The fact that he refuses to back down and that he's offended by his mum suggesting he wear red too shows you that he has a distinct lack of maturity. It's different for guys. That sounds like something you'd hear in old-fashioned Italian or Greek wedding where religion makes a much bigger deal about the bride's

[02:49:05] virginity than the groom's. He's either showing some kind of insecurity about being sexually inexperienced or trying to assert his dominance. Think very carefully about your future. With all the information you have now, try to picture your life within five years from now. I personally think this might be the tip of the iceberg of stupid arguments. As others have said, find somewhere to stay that's away from where you are currently living. Don't tell the fiancé or anyone you can't trust to keep their mouth shut where that is. He can grovel and apologize but his refusal to

[02:49:35] back down suggests he thinks you're the one that has to make all of the compromises. A good relationship is all about finding common ground, something he doesn't appear to have a knack for doing. So a year later OP comes in with her update and says this is my update one year later on the whole situation. I will start by saying that I did not get married. Ryan made that decision quite easy for me. I remember reading a comment that said it had to already been done with the relationship for me to move on so fast. That statement was very true.

[02:50:06] As much as I want to be the bigger person and not slander Ryan, he deserves it. I won't get into all of our issues but there were some big ones that I would like to address. The absolute deal breaker for me has nothing to do with a red dress but instead was all of his little lies that built up through our entire relationship. Ryan is very smart. I can't take that away from him. We actually met because even though I am a year older than him, he graduated a year before me. We had mutual classes.

[02:50:35] For someone so smart, he always got caught in dumb lies. As far as I know, he never cheated on me. That was something that I know a lot of people assumed but even now, I don't believe it. There was never any big lie that caused massive drama but rather a mountain had little white lies that always made me question why. He would lie to people about having allergies. He would lie about stopping for food before coming home. He would lie about losing weight. He's a healthy weight and with a very normal build. He would just lie about so

[02:51:05] many things that did not matter. My issue with this is I had absolutely no trust in the man over literally nothing. I never held him back from doing things and he never asked permission to do things. So him going out of his way to lie about meaningless things really made me start to resent him. I don't think he ever talked to his co-workers about the dress. I think that was another lie. After telling him I did not want to be together anymore, I asked him about everything that happened surrounding the wedding. I got no real answers out of him and until this day,

[02:51:35] had no real closure. My best assumption is that he got sucked into misogynist forums surrounding purity and made up a story to bring it up to me. Our breakup was pretty nasty since he talked about me a lot online. For the most part, I had support. No one ever reached out to me or threatened me, but it's still annoying having my feed filled with rumors I cheated and broke up our engagement over nothing. There was a lot of name-calling as well. Apparently, I ran through. I'm fat. I let myself go. I look miserable

[02:52:05] without him. Eventually, he stopped on his own as I never acknowledged any of it. Even with the online harassment, he never really fought to save our engagement. I was actually hurt by how he seemed equally as ready to part ways. We have no contact with each other at all, but I do know that last month he actually got engaged again. All I know about this girl is that she is 23, a hardcore Catholic, and actually looks very sweet. For her sake, I hope they work out. I do not still talk to Ryan's mum. Sorry to disappoint.

[02:52:35] She was very kind to me through everything, but for me to continue talking to her would be a bit weird. I still got a happy birthday text and a Merry Christmas. I did have a date two weeks after I called off my engagement. That didn't go anywhere and it was never meant to. For me, the date was just to see if I felt any guilt for moving on, which I had none. I had a huge career shift two months ago and am now living in Philadelphia, far away from all the drama. I'm happy with where I'm at and he seems happy with his life. I don't think I'll ever have to interact

[02:53:05] with him again. I'm sorry for waiting so long to update. It was just never really a right moment. There are also probably many grammatical errors but whatever. If anyone is interested, I do have pictures of the dress. I saw a comment directly below this post from Loudman's lover who said Ryan should wear brown because he's being a little shit. And I think OP handled this in the best way that they could in that moment, not responding, you know, not acknowledging what he was saying about OP so he just basically

[02:53:34] moved on. Part of me was hoping that OP, you know, would just reply to all these people that were harassing OP and just say, you know, here's the story, read for yourself, he wants me to wear red because of this, just to basically give them that virtual slap in the chops, you know. But as they always say in a lot of these stories that revenge is living your best life, moving on is the best form of revenge, isn't it? And I'm really glad that it's working out for OP. There's a part of me that feels like really sad about this new fiance

[02:54:04] of Ryan's and I always think of these stories like when we see abusive partners or we see cheaters and we see various other people and, you know, people can change of course. But I always think after these stories when they've split up and moved on and whatever, that they're going to get with someone else and I always think, bloody hell, you know, who's gonna end up with that? But now I'm gonna turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let me know your thoughts down in the comments

[02:54:34] below. Let's move on to another story. And our next story comes from the Am I the Arsehole here subreddit from strange tadpole3749 and says, Am I the arsehole here for not coming to terms with the fact that my wife cheated on me 14 years ago before our marriage? I, 35 male, am married to my wife, 37 female, for 11 years and together for 14. I have a beautiful 7 year old daughter and our marriage has been great without any major problems until last year.

[02:55:05] Last year I learned that my wife cheated on me before our marriage. One of her friends became religious and confessed her actions to me which had me confront my wife. She was shocked that I learned it and apologized profusely about her actions. However, she said it's not something important now because we have been going strong and have a family together. She told me I should come to terms with it since it happened four months into being exclusive and she was a stupid girl out of college back then. My mind told me the same. It happened 14

[02:55:35] years ago and we are happy right now. I decided to forgive her and continue our usual life. Reality was not that great. My mental health took a big hit. I realized it's not something that happened 14 years ago for me. The cheating happened for me when my wife confirmed it. I was less confident, could not have sex with my wife. I could just not get an erection for her. This turned into feeling disgusted being around her. I even took a DNA test and STD tests secretly.

[02:56:05] Thankfully, our daughter is mine and I'm clear of STDs. Then a year of intense individual therapy started for me. I realized I needed to change somehow. I was not the same person I used to be. I also communicated my feelings to my wife and after pushing for a bit, we started going to couples counseling too. However, at the end of everything, I decided to proceed with divorce. Here are my reasonings. She not only cheated back then but lied to me for 14 years. She did not confess the action herself.

[02:56:35] Even though she apologized, she dismissed the fact by saying it's not important anymore. Young me was robbed of having a choice. Cheating was and still is one of the biggest deal breakers for me. If I knew it back then, I would have broke it off. I'm happy with my life and I'm glad that our daughter came to the world. She's the light that shines the brightest for me. One of the biggest reasons I keep living, but I still was robbed of a choice back then. I see an MC could not change our problems and my feelings towards her.

[02:57:04] It also started affecting my family life which could affect our daughter. I think our daughter would be better off having us as co-parents instead of living in a broken family environment where consistent arguments are present. Sex life is basically dead for me. We do have sex but I feel like those women on film slash series that just lay there and look at the ceiling waiting for it to be over. The only difference is that I'm a man. I do not even want non-sexual gestures anymore. Last week I had a sit down with my wife and explain everything

[02:57:33] I wrote here in detail. My feelings, reasonings and some other private things. I've been talking to a lawyer for the last month and papers are almost finalized. 50-50 custody, 50-50 asset sharing and as amicable as possible. I explained everything thoroughly and clearly to her. She freaked out and had a panic attack. We spent the night at ER. She was begging me to reconsider and not throw away 14 years. However, even though I would like to stay, it results in us being roommates

[02:58:03] and a broken family environment for our daughter. Am I in the wrong here? A couple of comments. So KGBJ says this isn't about being an asshole or not. You're not able to deal with something and this changed your view of someone. KatmoKatmo says that's the thing. Hopi has tried everything they can to make it work. He didn't throw his hands up in the air and walk out. He tried. He really tried. But you can't make yourself have emotions you don't have. Nor can you let go of ones you're currently feeling. There's no right or wrong here.

[02:58:33] KW says this isn't an asshole or not question. You aren't able to love her the way you did before. You no longer trust her. Your relationship is dysfunctional. Therapy didn't help. Calling you or her, after all she's the cheater, an asshole will solve absolutely nothing. All you can do now is make the separation as smooth as possible for your daughter. Jay says someone else wrote this in a thread months ago and I still remember it. The affair happened 14 years ago for you. It just happened for me.

[02:59:04] Like she's had 14 years to process and lie about it and then to just let it go. But OP, this just happened. He's still dealing with all of it. And not just the affair, but the 14 years of lying by omission too. It's brand new to him. Also OP, not the asshole. OP responded saying it happened on a girl's trip they went together. It was confirmed by my wife. Her friend told me she could not hold the secret of sin anymore and decided to confess. About four months into being exclusive slash couple,

[02:59:34] girlfriend and boyfriend, so it's not before being boyfriend and girlfriend. Paper is basically an agreement with blank sections including custody, asset sharing, and other marital things. I propose my side to her and she is free to consult with a lawyer to propose her side. Both sides meet and come to an agreement. Then this agreement is proposed to a family court in case of amicable divorce to get an appointment for the court case. I let her know beforehand that I'm considering divorce and getting the draft agreement ready so she should also consult with

[03:00:04] a lawyer. Square Spare asks, how is your wife dealing with all of this? Has the anger presented itself yet or is she still in denial? OP says she's barely eaten since the ER visit and still in denial. OP does update the post and says firstly I want to thank everyone for their ideas and input about my situation. Some people reached out to me on Reddit chat to state their opinions and we had long talks. They have been incredibly helpful and I want to thank them especially.

[03:00:34] Some people asked if we went to counselling together. Yes, we've been visiting a counsellor for over a year now on top of my individual therapy. I understand blowing up a marriage for something happened 14 years ago is not logical. However, my feelings towards my wife got even worse after counselling and therapy. It started with not being able to trust her, converted to not wanting sex, then not wanting non-sexual gestures and finally I'm not even comfortable to be in the same space as her. We've been less than roommates in the last couple of

[03:01:04] months. I do not hate or resent her but I just cannot shake off the feelings. I would say I forgave her but it's not about forgiving anymore when there are no feelings and love. I do not want my daughter to grow up in such an environment. I know how hurtful it can be. I experienced a similar situation with my parents, only the gender is reversed. Living in such an environment breaks you as a child and teen. I would have much preferred if my mother just divorced my dad instead of staying for my sake. She's being

[03:01:33] said, I had long talks with my wife this morning. She had not been eaten much since visiting ER and I'm concerned for her well-being and safety. Some redditors who reached out suggested considering separation before proceeding with a divorce and see if my feelings would change. That is very logical actually. I proposed the idea to my wife and she was happy to hear it. I have an upcoming business trip to Netherlands next week and I'm planning to extend my stay and stay with my sister once I'm back.

[03:02:03] Wife abruptly suggested one-sided open marriage and I can do what I want on that business trip if it has saved the relationship. Make us even and change my feelings. I reject it because it has nothing to do with that. Even if it changed something for me, it would devastate her knowing I cheated on her in the future. It's not something easy to get over and not an easy decision. That is all the update. We'll try separation for a while and depending on the result, I'll make my decision. Thank you for all the help and opinions.

[03:02:34] And the top comments on that one Horizon said is telling how quickly just because you stood up for yourself, she went from telling and what feels like dictating to sudden panic attacks and begging instead. Would it have been different if she had gone straight to begging and contrition earlier? Uni Jack says avoid falling for her self-abuse charade, which is intended to make you feel sorry for her. It's an attempt at manipulation. Horizon says again in quotes, I understand blowing up a marriage for something that happened

[03:03:04] 14 years ago is not logical and says it is absolutely logical. As you said yourself, it didn't happen 14 years ago. The lies continued up to present day. And to be honest, I couldn't see this ending any other way. There was a lot of good comments in there, which I won't parrot them, but and all of it was wrong. But the dismissing feelings on this, you know, after he found out, yes, she apologized, but she said it's not something important now. It's like, come on, man.

[03:03:33] Why wouldn't that be important? Finding out your wife cheated on you 14 years ago, 15 years ago, 20 years what does it matter? How would you find yourself in this situation? Would that be a deal breaker for you or not? Maybe you have a different opinion on the matter. Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now, our next story comes from 1273rockefeller who says, I, the arsehole for telling my mother-in-law I'll pay for my wedding myself if she

[03:04:03] can't respect my few wishes. I, 25 male, will be marrying my fiancé, G, 25 female, later on this year. I proposed to her a little bit before Christmas and were aiming for a November wedding. G has two older brothers, only one of which has gotten married, and for one reason or another, my mother-in-law, 68 female, was not involved in the planning of the wedding at all. She was pretty hurt over this as she always wanted to help plan her children's weddings.

[03:04:33] So when we got engaged, she offered to pay for most of the wedding and in return, we agreed to let her help with the planning. In my mind, as long as I'm marrying G, I'm happy, so I was okay with this. The only thing I'm really sticking to that I refuse to change is what I'm wearing. My mother died when I was very young and she was the daughter of first-generation Scottish immigrants. My grandparents moved from the north of Scotland in the 60s and my mother was brought up learning about her parents' culture.

[03:05:02] Since she died, I decided I wanted to wear her family's kilt when I got married. I talked about this with my fiance before we got engaged because it is an unorthodox idea, but she thought it was sweet and liked the idea. A few days ago, my mother-in-law came up to me and told me I'd have to wear a more traditional tux instead of a kilt. When I asked her why, she said it went against the view she had of G's wedding and that the colors of my mother's tartan clashed with the colors she had

[03:05:32] chosen for the wedding. When I told her this was pretty much the only thing I'm unwilling to budge on, she brought up how she's paying for most of the wedding and wearing a tux is the least I could do. When I brought this up to G, she echoed the sentiment her mother had made about paying for the wedding. I'm able to pay for it myself and I told G that I thought she understood how important this connection to my mother was to me, especially since she can't be there. And if she wasn't able to accept that, then I'd pay for the wedding

[03:06:02] myself. G told me I was being a bit of a dick for being this stuck to what I want to wear. And once my mother-in-law heard that I would just pay for the wedding myself, she got really upset because it's always been her dream to plan G's wedding. I'm feeling like a bit of a dick right now and was wondering if I should just wear a standard tux. My family's kilt is really important to me. But this is causing more conflict than I thought it would. Now, alarm bells were going off in the

[03:06:30] first paragraph to me when it says, the brothers, only one of which has got married and for one reason or another, mother-in-law was not involved in the planning of the wedding at all. Which, you know, may have just been one of those things. But after this post, it says a lot to me. And in the stories we see a lot of where one partner defends like the mother-in-law or the father-in-law of this, it's a worry for your future, isn't it? That, you know, she's calling you a dick in this situation, but wanting to wear something

[03:07:00] that means the world to you. Imagine if your partner came up to you. I'd be like, oh yeah, absolutely, we need to include that within the wedding. It just says to me that your fiance values her mother's opinion and choices and possibly money more than you. But Raymond Beaumont says this should be a really good learning lesson and the point of it is, should the wedding take place? The only opinions and wants that matter in this relationship seem to be of your mother-in-law and so, are you willing

[03:07:29] to be an afterthought in your own marriage? Argoner says red flag in my opinion. It appears fiance is focused more on the wedding than on the marriage. You've been relegated to the back row with your preferences cast aside. Like you said, your fiance knows the importance and apparently just doesn't care. Famous Tap says tell mother-in-law that if she wants to see a standard tux at your wedding so much, she should wear one. Sassy, I love it.

[03:07:59] Noir Shield says, not the asshole, but I bet fiance would sing a different tune if her mother picked out her wedding dress that she didn't like and played the she's paying card. See beside the seaside says, and reply to that, too right. If you're getting married, why would you want to wear something so common and overdone? Like this is about two individuals coming together. The preferences of one person shouldn't be completely ignored in order to have some aesthetic. It's not about fucking photographs, it's about people.

[03:08:30] Redoraptor says, not the asshole, and you're getting a glimpse right now of how life will be if you marry this person. You told her one thing was important to you and she could do whatever she wants for everything else. She ostensibly agreed and now your needs are immaterial and you're a dick for wanting anything at all your way. You'll be making a huge mistake marrying this person. Your mother-in-law will stomp all over your boundaries and more importantly, your wife doesn't give a crap how you feel and will happily join her mum in stomping on them and then go

[03:08:59] Darvo on you and make it like she's the victim and you're being an asshole to any wants or needs at all. This is Red Flag City. Walk away or you will regret it. I absolutely guarantee it. So, Opie does come in with an update and says, so the past 24 hours or so have been eventful. I took most people's advice and talked to my fiance about this issue before going forward. Her siding with a mother like this and going against me was really out of character

[03:09:29] so I felt like I really needed to figure out what was on the go. The long and the short of it comes down to money. She doesn't make as much of a salary as I do. I make almost two and a half her salary. Despite this, she's pretty insistent on things being 50-50 between us. Our finances aren't combined into after marriage because of some weird tax issues and legal things in our home region. But even with me making more, she insists we're a team and have to go 50-50 on big things. Rent, car payments, electrical, wedding, etc.

[03:09:59] But even though I'm able to pay for the wedding myself, she's not able to pay for the half she feels like she'd want to pay. Because of this, she's really clinging to the idea of a mother paying for our wedding, even though I'd be more than happy to pay for it all myself. We talked yesterday evening and she said that since she accepted her mother paying for the wedding, the relationship has become pretty strained, with mother-in-law pretty much taking over the wedding planning. Apparently, mother-in-law was initially pushing for a tropical destination wedding in Jamaica, an idea G put

[03:10:29] down quickly, as she knows I hate the idea of destination weddings. And mother-in-law had even tried to get a final say on the dress G was going to wear, as well as she wanted a final say over who the bridesmaids were. She wanted her friend's daughters who G is not close with in the party. Had a pretty good relationship with mother-in-law so far, so I found it kind of odd how she went total momzilla. But I have noticed her and G drifting apart a bit, although I never thought it was related.

[03:10:58] A few people thought that G actually hated the idea of the kilt and had mother-in-law acting as the bad guy to try and change my mind. And you are not completely wrong. She doesn't hate the idea, but really doesn't like the other male members of the bridal party would be wearing tuxes, while myself and my cousin would be wearing kilts. She wanted consistency across the board and had expressed this to her mother. Mother-in-law took this as an opportunity to get me to wear a tux instead of getting the groomsmen to wear kilts, and had the wedding colors

[03:11:27] changed, without G's knowledge, to contrast with my family's tartan. When I talked to G yesterday, she said that she had just gotten out of a massive fight with her mother over-changing the colors, and really wasn't in the mood to start another argument with her. She acknowledged she was in the wrong for siding with her mom, and seemed genuinely sorry. She said that in the stress of planning a wedding while having an overbearing mother, she had thought of the kilt as another detail, and had forgotten the significance of it to me, and that she was

[03:11:57] really sorry. In the meantime, a few changes have been made. My mother-in-law is no longer paying for the wedding, and no longer involved in planning. I'm going to pay half, as G never wanted me to pay more than half by myself, but some think that's for both of us. My father-in-law is covering the parts that G is going to have some trouble covering. Mother-in-law is unaware of this. Father-in-law and mother-in-law are still together, however, he's not telling her he's helping pay. We're still getting married in November. Wedding colors have been changed back to

[03:12:27] match my kilt, and we've decided to rent kilts in our regional tartan for the rest of the groomsmen, so they match the aesthetic. Thankfully, no deposits were put down on things like tux rentals, bridesmaid dresses, or decorations, so no money lost. I know a lot of people told me to reconsider marrying G, and going into our talk last night, I really was. But I'm happy with how things turned out, since this really was an anomaly in her behavior. I'm really excited to marry her.

[03:12:55] Now, I'm glad that they're able to sort of navigate their way out of this situation, and get mother-in-law to stop planning, because clearly she was causing major issues within their relationship. But I can also see, like, I'm not trying to be a downer on this as well, the whole 50-50 thing causing further issues down the line, because clearly she wants 50-50, but can't afford it, so it's going to cause some issues. And one of the things I've seen in the past mentioned in these stories is like 50-50, but based on your

[03:13:25] annual income kind of thing. So basically you're using the same percentage of money as each other. But anyway, I really hope things do work out for you in the future. Much love to you, and let's move on to another story. Now, our next story comes from the Am I Wrong subreddit from RealisticGas7711, and says, Am I wrong for cancelling our wedding? We have been engaged for three years. My fiancé went on a trip of a lifetime

[03:13:54] six weeks in Europe. She decided that we would take a break in our relationship, allowing me no input in the decision. I called her the day she left and had me blocked. So I cancelled our marriage and her moving in with me in March. She called me today to inform me of her arrival time on Thursday morning, to which I answered, what does that have to do with me? They've since blocked her. Edit. I should explain better. I was fine with her trip and her old college sisters. In fact, I dropped at the airport and took her to boarding.

[03:14:25] That is when she dropped the whole break thing on me. Didn't explain it, just told me matter of fact and left. I called her the rest of the day and tried to call her when I was able to the rest of the week. After five days of ignoring me, I had enough that the wedding was off. She could move in with someone else because it's not going to be me. Left me with so many questions like why you've been engaged years. Is this normal behavior for her? A partner saying to me, they're going on a six week trip and oh, just before

[03:14:54] I do go on this trip, let's just put our relationship on hold while I go. You know, it says it all really, doesn't it? And then the audacity to call you on return and saying, I'll be back soon. Have everything ready for me. But the first commenter says she blocked you for six weeks to go to Europe on a break so she could bang people. I'm so sorry that happened to you. I would have broken up with my partner if he blocked me just because he goes on the trip. If she wants to be free before the marriage, she will do it again.

[03:15:24] Not wrong. A commenter called Dark Moonstruck says not wrong at all. She decided that she wanted to screw her way through Europe before getting married, gave you no say in the matter and broke up. Well, only one side has to decide to end a relationship for it to be over. She ended it and now you've decided to keep it that way. I wish I could see her face when she realizes all the things. I do hope you informed everyone of trying to claim you cheated on her or

[03:15:53] making up whatever other excuses. She wanted six weeks to go bang as many men as she could without any concern for you. Now she gets to face the consequences of that. She's not the kind of woman you want to put a ring on. End of. So Opie had some comments of their own which served as kind of little updates. So they said told my parents immediately and they were shocked. It says our friends I waited I shouldn't have. Maybe it means our friends said I shouldn't have maybe but I was embarrassed and depressed. I spent most of the last few weeks feeling sorry for

[03:16:23] myself and pain shopping. I sent out a message to our group chat informing them that our wedding and relationship are off and my phone has been blowing up ever since. Opie had another comment saying update-ish. We have a group chat amongst people close to us. Today I informed them all that our marriage is cancelled and our relationship is over. Did that about 10am. The chat quite literally exploded starting with questions about what happened which I answered honestly. About 2pm she just started asking me to call her so we could discuss this.

[03:16:53] I told her that talking on chat is perfectly fine and she said no. This is something between just us. Still have not spoken with her. The last message at 6pm. Please pick me up at the airport so we can talk about this as planned. I answered her that was your plan not mine. None of this was my plan. Her flight is at 9am. I wish her luck. Opie had another update and says first I got my ring back and it's safe with my mum. Secondly I would like to thank everyone for keeping me grounded while I was doubting myself.

[03:17:23] I'm not sure who said it but someone said that I shouldn't bother with what she did on her trip and focused on her breaking up with me at the airport. Which I did and was not what she was prepared to argue about so now she knows how it feels to be blindsided also. Seems her college sisters told her I would be insecure and fight about something I couldn't hope to prove but when I didn't she didn't know what to do. At one point she excused herself to go to the restroom and didn't come back for 20 minutes. Seems the brain trust was at a loss too. So do you have any vacation ideas?

[03:17:53] So my first thoughts was she going to the bathroom to cry or was she going to get some contact or some advice and Opie suggested no I imagine she is calling an emergency meeting with a coven of witches. And there was a lot of chat about Opie going to visit various countries to get away from it all because they've been saving for a house themselves so they got plenty of money stashed away but Opie came with another comment that said spoke with her parents last night. Woke me up they must have forgotten about the time difference

[03:18:23] between coasts. They offered to pay for couples therapy to help us work through this rough patch as her mother called it. told them no thank you she ended our relationship. Someone asks Opie if they told their parents Opie said told my parents in the first week. My parents told me to calm down and don't do anything out of anger. So I sat on it. Spoke with my work buddies in the fourth week or so. When she called and acted like nothing bad had happened it shook me and I posted on Reddit that I'd just been reading on cheating stories and seeing what

[03:18:52] the outcomes of stories like mine. Opie adds it's not resolved she has not given up she thinks she can fix this. Followed by she went by my work. I was at a job site. Thank God. So you can see this one isn't at a complete end right now. I pretty much think that the relationship is over from what it sounds like and rightfully so. It's never going to be fixed. Whether she will continue to try and make it up to Opie is another thing. But even though Opie said he's let people

[03:19:22] know do they really know the full truth of this? Surely anyone looking from the outside is going that's a red flag what she did right there because the parents talking about like it's just oh it's just a blip in the road you know one of those relationship problems. No she broke up with you to go what we're all assuming is to sleep around. Gave you no choice in the matter and put you on block. That was the end of the relationship right there. But what would you do in this situation? Some people suggest and you know if she

[03:19:51] continues down this path of you know turning up at places where you are. See if you can get some kind of you know restraining order put on a keeper away from you. Imagine doing that and think that you can still you know make this up somehow. Madness. And for our next story because I've been missing it a little bit we're going to go to the entitled people subreddit. A little bit of neighbor drama going on around. From Milas who says neighbor offered my mom one dollar for part of her property after expanding his

[03:20:21] driveway into part of her front yard. This might be in the wrong place for this as a combo of entitlement and general terribleness. My 74 year old mom's neighbor mid 60s male decided he needed a bigger driveway so it could fit four cars including the ones belonging to his two children who no longer lived there. My mom somewhat reluctantly agreed under the condition that she pay for everything built over the property line and maintain the right to remove or build on top of the unreasonably large driveway.

[03:20:51] A few years went by the neighbor wanted to sell the house and asked my mom to sell him part of the property he had built onto. The part which she had also paid for. For one dollar. When she said no all hell broke loose. He started showing up at her house with a video camera screaming at her for being a cruel woman who didn't want him to see his kids. There is permit street parking and all residents on the block have two parking passes and you can request up to six temporary guest parking

[03:21:21] passes. Eventually she decided to have a surveyor come to determine the property line and built a fence to keep him and his family away from her. When workers started pulling up part of the driveway on her side of the property line it got even more aggressive and ridiculous. His wife showed up crying over how they can't live without the extra driveway space. They started strategically parking their cars to make it difficult on the workers as possible. They threatened to report the workers to ICE despite having no knowledge of the

[03:21:50] immigration status of the workers. In response they rather hilariously pulled up everything around and under the son's car so only the tires were still in the driveway. Then the son showed up at the door and told my mom I just made my first million dollars I'm going to buy the house and make your life miserable. One day I was in the backyard and the guy was leaning over the fence yelled fuck you. When I turned around he said oh I'm so sorry I thought you were your mother. They eventually sold the house for nearly

[03:22:19] 500k under asking. The new neighbors are lovely. Someone said to Opie I hope you have some choice words for him when he explained his fuck you. Opie says I wish I had some awesome response that made him run off crying but I was so shocked I just told him to go fuck himself. I think that's a good response. So do you think that was part of like a long game he was trying to pull you know get the drive extended you can get more cars on the drive therefore increasing your house price. Not sure if it works like that but it did

[03:22:48] pop in the old noggin there and I'm sorry for laughing at the fuck you bit but it sort of took me by surprise at the same time as well. You know it must have been shocking for someone to suddenly peer over the fence and shout fuck you but it was also like the apology afterwards he went oh I'm sorry I thought you were your mother like they're expecting to Opie and turn around saying oh yeah absolutely no problem then carry on. Neighbor drama man I absolutely love it. Now I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[03:23:18] Do you have your own neighbor drama? Do you have maybe some of your own favorite neighbor drama stories that you'd like us to cover? You can share them over on r slash mark narrations and hopefully we'll cover them at some point in the future. You know how much I love that stuff. Now our next story comes from exciting ice nine one one nine from the am I the asshole here subreddit that says am I the asshole for cutting off my mother-in-law because she told my daughter she hoped I had died when I was taken to hospital. And before we do get

[03:23:47] into this story I just do want to give you a warning there is talk of a car accident within the story so if you do want to skip it timestamps always down in the description and a longer timeline below. Thank you. It says I 30 female was in a car crash. I had to be cut out of the car. I wasn't seriously injured though thankfully but the other person unfortunately wasn't doing too well from what I saw before I was taken away to the hospital. I was told to stay in hospital overnight to see if I suffered from a concussion.

[03:24:16] I rang my husband and told him what happened. My mother-in-law got the incidents mixed up when he dropped off our daughters 6 11 to my mother-in-law while he rushed to see me. Next morning my husband brings our daughters to come get me while I was waiting to be discharged. Upon seeing me my six-year-old bursted into tears and said I don't want you to die. I comforted her and said I'm not dying and I was very lucky. She then said granny said she hoped I'd die so that them and

[03:24:46] my husband can come live with her. Me and my husband were shocked and my 12-year-old confirmed she heard us say that. My husband said he was going to ring mother-in-law. When he came back in the room he looked furious but didn't say anything until after we got home and he said mother-in-law denied it but after he kept pushing she ended up admitting it. But she said she didn't mean it. I thought me and her were close but I guess not. I'm incredibly hurt she would want that and

[03:25:15] said I wanted me and the girl to go no contact with mother-in-law. I told him he can have a relationship with her but I don't want me and the girls to have one with her. My husband said he supports me. He then rang mother-in-law and told her what I said. I was crying and saying it was a misunderstanding and she didn't mean it and that we were taking it the wrong way. My husband asked what did you mean then? She just got hysterical

[03:25:44] and started crying and saying she always wanted daughters but my husband was the only child due to her not being able to have any more after him. And the girls are more like her daughters than granddaughters and she wasn't thinking properly when she said that to our six-year-old. She got so worked up that my husband had to take her home. When he got back he said he didn't know she felt like that and asked did I still want to cut her off? I said yes. He said okay and didn't argue. It's been a week now and

[03:26:14] he is still very quiet and hadn't said much about what happened and now I'm starting to feel guilty and wondering if I took it the wrong way. Am I being the asshole? Now there was no clarification to what the misunderstanding was at this situation but let's just face it it wasn't. She said that purposely and for me the hysterical crying towards the end there felt very manipulative and she thinks of your daughters as her own made me feel very very uncomfortable.

[03:26:43] What is going through your mind to say that to a child? Traumatizing them like that and you need to protect them from that. Laquilla says she traumatized your child. It was horrifying for your daughter to hear that. Bad enough her mum was in the hospital after a car accident. As a young child she luckily had a whole lot of frightening scenarios going through her mind. Unable to properly process that. Your daughter needed assurance and positivity. Not what that disgust

[03:27:13] inheritance said. Mother-in-law did mean it. You don't blurt something like that out out of misunderstanding or as a joke. The whole hysterical outburst she put on in front to you. That was bullshit. Manipulative bullshit because she got caught. And it seems to have worked on your husband because she's trained or brainwashed him that way. Stand your ground. She needs at very least a long time out. Do not let your husband or anyone sweep this under the rug because doing that would make

[03:27:43] everyone think it's perfectly okay for mother-in-law to hope you died. For your daughters to lose their mum. That's sickening. Had to make that time out at least six months. Heck, make it for the rest of this year. She loses out on the big holidays at the very least. What a vile fucking cow. Not the arsehole. That hella high hobbit says not the arsehole. Why would you feel guilty? She wished you dead out loud to your child so she could have a child with a vagina. That's so beyond

[03:28:12] fucked up. Hopefully your husband realizes how absolutely fucked that is and cuts her off too. Nick says you do realize that she basically told your husband that she didn't want a boy. He's probably dealing with his own issues at the moment and that's why he's been quiet. Law replies that saying the mean person is mother-in-law not the arsehole. I will say you of course should be mad at what happened and can understand going no contact. I can understand no contact with kid for a while as well. You do need to

[03:28:41] understand this is hard on your husband as well. He's basically told by his mum he wasn't enough. He can decide if he wants contact again someday but I'd recommend speaking to a child. As far as long term no contact for your child I'd say give it some time and then both of you can talk maybe with professional help without any further contact between grandma and child. A Rose says not the arsehole she's only sorry because she got caught. Do not allow her near you or to alienate

[03:29:11] your children. She's already shown you she cannot be trusted. She's so hateful she traumatized children and wished for you to die. How on earth can your husband even question no contact? My children are not emotional support animals or your mother's do over babies. If you feel sympathy for her by all means go move back in with your mother and be her sonsbund. The burning wizard replies that saying the husband hasn't questioned going no contact. Opia said several times that he supports her.

[03:29:41] The reason he probably has gone quiet is that his mother also said that she wished she had a daughter instead of him. So not only has he got his mother wishing his wife had died, his daughter being traumatized, he also got the triple whammy of knowing that his mother never really wanted him. I know society and social media thinks and pushes the narrative that men are stoic and unfeeling but we do have feelings and emotions and he's probably gone very quiet as he tries to process all of what has just taken place in a very very short space of time.

[03:30:10] Now would be the time for Opia to also support him as he supports her. The OP comes in with her first update and says well you guys were right. I decided to talk to my husband and asked if he's upset that I decided me and the girls would go no contact with mother in law. He said he wasn't. He said he always knew mother in law wanted a daughter instead of him and it brought back all the bad memories of rejection and hurt he felt growing up as a kid by her. I suggested therapy and he's willing to go. We're also going to

[03:30:40] get therapy for our six year old as she now gets anxious if I'm not within her sight. My husband agreed that going no contact with mother in law is the best thing for our family. Our daughter's birthday is coming up and we have yet to tell mother in law she is no longer invited. Not looking forward to that but that's the update. Thanks everyone for the lovely comments and support. I appreciate it. Two of the top comments on that one is someone says suggestion maybe take your daughter out of town for a birthday to a nearby attraction.

[03:31:09] Zoo, play, something special on her birthday instead of a party or a party at a later date with her little friends instead of family. If you are not there mother in law can throw all the witch fits she wants and nobody will be there to see her and there's no party for her to ruin. Another commenter says she wanted you dead so treat her as if you are not the arseo. An OP comes in with another update and says I didn't think I'd be posting here again. We thought my last update would be my last. But here we are.

[03:31:39] Mother in law has been arrested. My husband, cousin found my post and knew it was me and she reported straight to mother in law. Yeah we knew it was you who told her Christina. Margaret told us all about it when she came over and screaming we can't keep her daughters from her. She didn't even hesitate to drop your name and throw you under the bus. So much for loyalty huh? You are not welcome in home anymore and you are officially removed from Sam's birthday list and our lives. How about you show the

[03:32:09] whole family this post so they can see how two faced you are? To the reddit community sorry about that but mother in law has been arrested. She came to our house screaming we can't keep her daughters from her. Husband tried to calm her down and get her to leave. She wouldn't and attacked him. My husband had to restrain her and I called the police. She fought them but it got nowhere except the back of their car. The woman is truly insane. My husband talks to the police because I had to calm down my daughters because they

[03:32:38] witnessed the whole thing. My six year old was hysterical about granny being taken away. This is all just a big mess. And lots of people on the back of this one suggesting getting a restraining order clearly saying that mother-in-law has some mental issues going on. Not excusing the behavior of course. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let me know your thoughts down in the

[03:33:08] comments below. Let's move on to another story. And our next story does come with updates as well from Separated and Confused who says am I the asshole for going scorched earth over my inheritance rings? I know the title sounds bad and I also know that parts of this make me a bad person. However I think I deserve grace and understanding. Maybe I'm completely wrong though. I'm in the middle of a divorce with my 26 female husband 29 male.

[03:33:38] The divorce happened for many reasons. I started dating my ex when I was 15 and got married at 19. I was so young and broken from childhood sexual assault. He made me feel complete and used to say that he was the only one who could help put me back together. I believed him. I thought if I was with him I'd be okay. That was true for the most part but I lost a lot of my identity. I thought I was happy but when you lose yourself in someone you

[03:34:08] can't understand how toxic they can be because I thought I was finally whole. Then 2020 hit. My husband's infrequent outbursts became more common as his drinking got worse. He would scream at me, tell me I was worthless and stupid, tell me I wasn't enough fun anymore, coerce me into sex by telling me I was useless unless I put out and that he deserved it. He also hit me a few times when I got mad back or said no to sex. He messed around with

[03:34:37] his friend's wife and his best friend's girlfriend. To be honest I thought I deserved this behavior. I thought I deserved the abuse because I wasn't good enough. This is where the second part of my story starts. I found out about his friend's girlfriend because the friends told me. He didn't deny it. I felt broken. I resolved to stay and work it out but I ended up close with this friend. We started hanging out and I felt very close with him super quickly. I pumped the brakes when I thought I might have feelings and talked with my husband.

[03:35:07] He, maybe because he was drunk, maybe because he thought I wouldn't do it, gave me the go ahead. He said he figured if he fucked around, I could too. I enjoyed every minute with him. At first it was purely sexual. He was leaving a bad relationship. I was trying to learn how to ask for what I wanted. But over time I found out how awesome he was and little by little my personality felt like it was coming back. One day I decided to tell him everything he did to me.

[03:35:37] With my new confidence I learned that I didn't deserve that behavior. He was absolutely horrified. Said he figured something was up but didn't realize to what extent. He said he would be there for me no matter what and he was. We fell in love and I didn't know what to do. He loves me but isn't sure if he wants to be with me because of the severe blowback he'd have personally. I ended up deciding to get divorced. Even if I couldn't have him, I knew that I couldn't be in that

[03:36:06] home, constantly scared and freaking out. I filed and it was like a switch for my husband. He stopped drinking, said he would go to couple therapy and honestly, all the abuse stopped. I felt like I was making the wrong decision, like I should stay. But I knew I could not ever go back to how it was. He asked me to stop seeing my partner. I told him I did, but I did not. I couldn't and even though my husband was trying, I couldn't get over everything he did to me over the last

[03:36:35] three years. Maybe I could have if I stopped seeing my friend, but I didn't. I just knew I never wanted to go back to the potential of that. Now I feel horrible. I still am seeing my friend. I'm still in love with him, even with the uncertain future. I enjoy every day I get to see him. He said he feels the same. The guilt about it eats at me, but I just can't stop seeing him. In the divorce, my friends all took his side. He told them about my friend, but not about his abuse.

[03:37:05] And with him working on himself, I didn't want to tell anyone. I didn't think it was helpful. So now, everyone knows about me and my friend, but everyone thinks we're not together. No one really talks to us though. My divorce should be over in December. I'm excited and ready for it all to be behind me. I won't lie though. I'm hopeful that my friend and I can be together. And if that makes me a bad person, that sucks, but I don't want to wait hoping a man can get it together. I want something great

[03:37:35] that's in front of me. And if we don't work, that's fine too. I just know I deserve better. So there's a couple of top comments on this part where I hope you responded. So no investigator says you're making a mistake by not telling your friends what's really going on. You're allowing him to trash you and he will continue to do it. Give your friends a chance to support you and take it from a much older sister. The working on himself thing is phony. He'd go right back to being an abusive asshole if you went back. It happens all the time.

[03:38:05] Spouse abuses other spouse and vows to fix things when they leave. All they do is go right back when spouse is roped back in. Your new guy is a rebound. When you've been with an abuser, pretty much anyone who doesn't abuse you looks good. Been there, have the t-shirt. Get divorced and stay single for a while while you get on your own two feet. Opie says yeah, he might be a rebound but I've been with him for a year. He's been very supportive. I'm hoping that we can take some time apart and I can heal. I got my own

[03:38:35] apartment two hours from my ex in a big city. Able to make my own money and it's been nice. For me, I'm glad that comment said that because it was the way that I was feeling about this whole rebound thing. If you've been in a relationship like that where you're being abused etc etc, anything's got to look good. If you're getting even the tiniest bit support from someone else, that's got to look amazing, right? You look at that person that's kind of saving you as well, right? Obviously I don't know, I've never been in that

[03:39:04] position but that's the way it kind of feels in my head but Name Game No Shame says, I'm so proud of you for getting out of this horrible marriage any way you can. But I want you to know this time apart from your other guy as a gift, you absolutely must accept. I've been in these, sadly, a couple of these situations before and I have to tell you, I do not regret the relationship so much as I regret not to take the time to be alone for a long ass time. You are so brave but you need to heal and learn to love yourself more.

[03:39:34] I can see you're already on your way but you know, do it more. Baby says, thank you, I appreciate it. I kind of needed the permission to just do that. My friend said he'll be completely understanding if that's what I choose and support it. I'm just trying to wait until I get my bearings in the new city before we part ways. He knows this but neither of us want it but we know I need it. If he's still single when that happens and we hit it off again, that'd be amazing but it will also be fine

[03:40:04] if not. So Opie adds another post and this is where the title of the whole thing came in. That was a bit before was like a bit of back story to what happened and Opie added a post which was titled, Am I the arsehole for going scorched earth over my inheritance rings? Which came four months later after that post and said, My female 27 mum passed a year ago. It was known that it was a possibility so my mum divided up her jewellery my dad had gotten her over the years to give to us if she passes.

[03:40:33] I'd picked out two rings I'd help my dad pick out. They were not cheap, about $10,000 a piece when I got them appraised. When I left my husband 30 male, I left pretty quickly and with basically nothing just to get out. He kept some of my stuff but it was in our divorce agreement that certain things were to be given to me and held in a safe deposit box until I could get them. I took basically nothing monetarily from the marriage when I left and gave him basically everything. The divorce is now final.

[03:41:03] I finally came back to my home state to pick up the rings. I found out that he did not put the rings in the safety deposit box, just some of my other jewellery. I confronted him about it and I found out that not only did he not place them for safekeeping, he stored them in his new girlfriend's female 21 apartment who says she had them in her jewellery box for safekeeping but she can't find them. She knew what they were according to the text I have and they were not his or a gift. I talked to my lawyer,

[03:41:33] he's filing a lawsuit since, one, inheritance is not marital property and two, my ex did not follow his end of the divorce decree. I'm asking for $25,000 the cost of the rings plus emotional damages for the loss of the only thing I have left from my mum. I also filed a report to the police for theft of the rings by his girlfriend. That probably won't go anywhere though but they're investigating if she or he sold them. I think it's a high possibility given the value.

[03:42:03] I'm devastated by losing these, they were so special to me. Inna's girlfriend are pissed at me because it's too much money that they don't have. She could get charged with theft or laundering the money from selling them for my ex. Not sure, this is mostly from my lawyer and it's just a couple of rings. His friends, my old friends who I don't speak with, have been blowing up my phone calling me a bitch and I heard him so much already and to just leave it alone. I'm getting what I deserve.

[03:42:32] I wish I could get the rings back but I'm so upset at this and over the whole attitude about it that I want to basically go scorched earth on them. At this point, it's not only about the sentimental value but to give a big fuck you after everything. Am I the arsehole here for seeing my ex for my rings and potentially getting his girlfriend in legal trouble? A couple of top comments before we move on to the next update. So, someone says not the arsehole, he needs to give you a complete and honest account of what

[03:43:02] happened to your rings. If he'd rather see his new girlfriend in jail than face the truth, well, it sucks to be her and be thrown under the bus. I hope he says that's my biggest thing. I want to know where they went. If he would just tell me, locate them and give them back, I might not have to do this. It's not even about the money, it's about taking away something so important to me. Most likely, they're in some porn shop. I'm not in town much longer, but my siblings said they would search every porn shop to see if one of them have it. OK Play says,

[03:43:32] who cares what his friends say? The rings were your property and he either lost or sold them. Hold them accountable. Opie says, I agree. I just hate how my phone is blowing up. It's hard to continuously be called a bitch and everything else they say about me. I've been thinking about changing my number over all this. The Opie updates again 10 days later and says, I posted around a week ago about my ex-husband stealing my rings. I was getting nowhere with him. The cops seemed pretty uninterested

[03:44:02] and my lawyer said that while we had a case, it could take ages. My family went through a lot of porn shops but couldn't find anything. I was feeling pretty horrible about everything going on and figured they were a lost cause. I told a friend from my past message me on Instagram earlier this week. She never had sent me anything bad like other people. We just didn't talk. She linked the profile of my ex's new girlfriend's brother and said, I'm not sure. His fiance's ring looks like it might be yours.

[03:44:32] This friend also lost her mother when she was younger and said she didn't care what happened between me and my ex but she wasn't letting some guy take that away from me. We talked for a bit and she said she was upset when she heard about the rings being missing. My ex had gloated saying I wasn't ever giving them back. I wanted to find them if she could. I went over to the page and sure as shit my favorite ring, a diamond with weaving silver and rose gold diamond paste band was prominent in its engagement photos.

[03:45:01] I then went all CIA on them and looked at every family member this girl has and found another sister with my other ring saying it was a purity ring gifted by her sister for her 16th birthday. I was floored and very pissed. I called into and drove my ass back to my hometown. I picked up my brother and went to my ex's apartment. My ex answered the door and I lied telling him that the cops were going to arrest his girlfriend's brother and sister for theft and he could give me those rings back

[03:45:30] in two days or else. One day went by, no rings. So I messaged the brother's new fiance on Instagram, showed her pictures of the ring on my hand slash on my mum's hand and said it was stolen and that I wanted it back. This poor girl was appalled. I honestly think she had no idea. We ended up calling each other. She apologized and said she would talk to her fiance. I told her that I was getting that ring back. We ended up meeting up. I showed her more proof it was mine,

[03:46:00] told her the whole story and thank god she gave it back to me. She said she didn't like her fiance's sister and that she thought she was bad news and basically stayed away from her. She said she would talk to her fiance about why in the hell he thought getting a ring from her would be a good idea. I guess word got out and my ex started calling me incessantly. Basically leaving messages saying he'd do anything but don't make his girlfriend's sister give the ring back. It was embarrassing etc. I picked my

[03:46:30] brother back up and went back to his apartment. This time both his girlfriend and him were there. The yelling match started. My brother had to keep me from basically clawing the eyes out of that bitch. I ended up literally sitting in that entryway saying I wasn't leaving until I got that ring. Or they could call the cops to remove me and I'd tell them about the rings. I don't know exactly what happened after that but she left and came back with a ring after about an hour. The whole time my ex is saying my mum was basically his

[03:47:00] too and he should have something from her and it was only right. My brother was basically staying in between me and him telling him to back off. When I got the second ring back I stood up and just finally lost my shit. Years of him I don't think I'd ever gotten that mad before. I screamed at him, told him off and spit on him when I left. I don't think it was the most mature response but it felt fucking good. I'm also surprised that he didn't get a noise complaint slash cops called out on us but the

[03:47:29] apartment isn't necessarily known for being nice. As for why the fuck that woman thought it was a good idea to give the rings to her family, I don't know. I'm hoping that an old friend might give me some gossip or that I might hear from the fiance. Honestly, I'm just happy that my rings are back and the drama is settled. I don't have to deal with him anymore. Nothing else is needed from our divorce decree. My boyfriend promised me a massage and cuddles from the cat when I get back into town and honestly, I'm

[03:47:59] just hoping to never hear from them again. And a top comment on that says glad you got them back. I hope his girlfriend runs. Opie says honestly, I think they deserve each other. They both knew exactly what they were doing. But the not heartless side of me hopes she sees him for what he is and leaves and that he gets sober and gets better. What I enjoyed, maybe enjoyed is the wrong word for this, but it was seeing the change in Opie's character throughout the story.

[03:48:29] They've been through an absolute awful time from a young age by the sounds of it. They went through this abusive relationship, dealing with a lot of feelings of guilt and what they were going through as well, this potential rebound relationship and then discovering about these rings basically being stolen. And the changing character from Opie from the very beginning to that point where they were literally fighting to get these back, going back to their home state and telling people, no, I'm getting these rings back no matter what.

[03:48:59] It was nice to see for Opie, I thought. I mean, absolutely been through hell and back. But I'm so glad that Opie did go through with it and did get those rings back. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now, our next story comes from Illegally Blonde who says, am I the arsehole for hanging up on my girlfriend after discovering her mum was spying during our personal conversations?

[03:49:29] I, 18 male, have been dating my girlfriend, 17 female, for about seven months. Tonight, her and I had a deep conversation about some relationship hiccups. And I shared personal family struggles I typically only discussed with my therapist. As we finally got to a place we felt comfortable leaving things, I heard whispering in the background. When I asked my girlfriend about it, she adamantly denied anyone else being there. However, as I continued asking, she started crying.

[03:49:59] Just then, her mum pretended to come in the moment. She had been sitting there for an hour. Turns out, her mum has been sneakily listening on almost every serious conversation or argument we've ever had. I felt absolutely betrayed and hung up immediately. Since then, both my girlfriend and her mum have been apologizing and trying to shift the blame onto me. This violation of privacy has left me feeling super violated

[03:50:28] and unsure how to handle the situation. I do feel bad for hanging up so abruptly, but I just didn't know how to process what was going on. Am I the arsehole for hanging up on my girlfriend after discovering her mum was spying during our personal conversations? Any guidance on navigating the situation would be greatly appreciated. Edit I woke up an hour ago and watched all the comments come in while eating a whole faxed margarita pizza. Nice. Thank you all

[03:50:57] for your advice and opinions and provide more context. Throughout our relationship, my girlfriend has often joked about how her mum can get any information from her. However, I've witnessed first hand how true this is lately. I've also noticed that my girlfriend doesn't respect privacy, claiming she needs a confidant because my situations are too much for her mentally. But then her mum knows everything I share in confidence. I also have tried not talking to her but she pushes every time.

[03:51:27] Because of this, I've become extremely cautious about sharing personal details. They are both very religious and while I share the same beliefs, it's been a contentious issue in our relationship. Her mum has used religion to justify intruding on my personal life, citing the need to guide me if I'm sinning. My own family life has been challenging. I had to move out at 18 to escape. I talked to my own mother about all of this and her response was to say that it's not the worst thing and I was

[03:51:56] overreacting which is why I felt like posting. Her mum has expressed that she sees me as part of her family which has led her trying to control various aspects of my life like dictating when I can drink coffee or imposing a bedtime. She's also shared my private struggles with her pastor and best friend who've tried to intervene and fix me. I deeply care for my partner but I can't envision a future where her mother's involvement is so intense in our lives. I plan to talk to her about this tonight and we'll

[03:52:26] update you all afterwards. Now absolutely not the arsehole in this situation for hanging up the way you did. I would have done exactly the same and you know like a lot of these stories for me it always comes down to trust and that trust has been broken. You've been betrayed by her letting her mum listen in on your very very private conversations. There's not very much coming back from that and I just know from my perspective it would be difficult to come back from that.

[03:52:56] I could just imagine another conversation you're having with her on the phone. Can you trust her again that her mum isn't secretly listening and they're just being a lot more secretive with it? Maybe going too far here but possibly recording your conversations and listen back to it afterwards. There's a lot going on in this story for me. The fact that you know the mum has clearly got a lot of control over the girlfriend at the same time and you know I do feel sorry for her in that respect but she's gonna have to realise at the same time that this

[03:53:25] is not normal behaviour. Whether you want to tackle that with her is you know down to your choice. I think for me personally I would struggle after the first betrayal but you know everyone's different right? So someone asked how did mum listen in? Opie said she sat in the room and my girlfriend had the phone on speaker. I thought nothing of it because she has always just put me on speaker in her room. Now I see why. Someone says a foundation in the relationship is trust. That's not there anymore and it's

[03:53:54] okay to break up. Opie said thank you. It's tough because there is so much good but this was just so violating. I keep thinking what happens if a few months from now we have a really serious conversation and her mum wants to be a part of it. Someone says there is a lot of red flags here. I definitely recommend speaking with your therapist. Opie says I think this is a great idea. Thank you. I just bump our appointment up now. A couple more comments. Timothy says not the arsehole. You have every right to feel betrayed.

[03:54:25] If I found out my significant other had a parent eavesdropping during personal sensitive conversations I'd be devastated. Sounds like your girlfriend might be under her mum's control and not be allowed to live her own life. I sympathize with her but you shouldn't be expected to pay the price for that sick dynamic. You didn't sign up for secret non consensual polyamory with her and her mum. I am Maggie Mu says not the arsehole. I would give your girlfriend the chance to explain to you in person one on one what exactly has been going on. I would ask

[03:54:55] exactly what she's been allowing her mum to listen to and why hasn't she told you. I reconsider moving forward whether you want a relationship with a person you can't trust. trackless tinder says not the arsehole. It is unclear to me how complicit your girlfriend was in this breach of your privacy. She may have been alright with her mother listening in or that may be her mother is overbearing and she did not have the choice in the matter but even if that is the case she should have said to you privately don't talk about private stuff

[03:55:25] over the phone because my mum insists on listening and there is nothing I can do about it. Either way it should be considered a warning for you if you decide to continue in the relationship. And a final comment from PDK who says not the arsehole you have escaped an abusive relationship with your own family. Your girlfriend's mum is being abusive to you and your girlfriend is allowing it. Your girlfriend is betraying your trust and allowing her mum to hear your confidential information and her mum is trying to use that information to control you. They are also blaming you now.

[03:55:55] I suggest to discuss this with your therapist before talking to your girlfriend but also look up terms such as gaslighting in enmeshment in Darvo. Do not ignore all of the red flags. It's easier to get out of this relationship now than later. So Opie adds an update and says she just called me at work. She started the conversation by saying she thinks we should probably break up because she can't do it anymore. I'll be honest I snorted. She asked why and I responded by asking her if it was because

[03:56:24] she was scared to talk to me face to face or if it was because she just didn't want to deal with the fact she screwed up and hurt me. She said it was because I say everything is her fault. For context I know I have a lot of problems because of a really hard home life and upbringing and I acknowledge when I make mistakes. Last night was mostly me having to apologize and explain myself over and over but this time I flat out told her this was 1000% her and her mum's fault. I then had to go because I'm at work and people needed help.

[03:56:54] I then got texts saying things like I guess this is all my fault and I deserve to sit in my consequences apparently. She wants me to come to her house after work to sort things out. I think I'm going to see if we can meet a loan in a public place to ensure privacy. I'll update after that. And if I wasn't checked out after that first post I'm certainly checked out now. The way she's trying to switch this around on you. That sounded like manipulation at the end there. I guess this is all my fault and I deserve to sit in my

[03:57:24] consequences apparently. She says apparently on the end and she wants you to come to her house. I wonder if her mum would be lurking around in the background. That's the way it kind of feels like it would go down that path for me. But anyway one and a half months later OP gave a one line final update and says we ended up breaking up a bit after. She apologised in the end but the trust was gone. And you know it just feels like that is the best outcome for this story.

[03:57:57] That one at the same time and you know it's I'm going to be certainly reading up a bit more about that. I've heard of it in the past but never looked too much into it but after seeing a couple of examples it certainly seems like that but what do you guys make of this situation? Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story. And our next story comes from the relationship subreddit from a deleted user who says my boyfriend

[03:58:26] and I had an argument regarding his female friend and need to know the best way to approach her to fix this. My female 22 boyfriend 24 male has a friend female 24 who as far as I know has never been in a relationship. Ever since their friendship started she would give my boyfriend a valentine's gift every year. A few days ago I brought my discomfort about this since I'm currently his girlfriend and told the friend I would appreciate it if she would respect my request to stop

[03:58:55] giving valentine's. She disregarded my feelings so I brought this up with my boyfriend who also disregarded my feelings which led to me saying some hurtful things about the friend and even accused her of being in love with boyfriend and trying to keep him to herself. Ever since then he's been ghosting me. He doesn't even come by the restaurant I work at anymore where we met. I figured the best way to handle this was to talk to the friend. I still have her number. I also know where she lives and works.

[03:59:24] What's holding me back from talking to her is that I'm afraid that boyfriend told her what I said about her from our argument. What would be the best way to approach her? Edit. Yes he did tell me I think we should break up and yes I called the friend a virgin loser. And yes she performs this valentine's gift giving tradition to all of her friends and parents. I didn't mention these because I didn't think they were important. I just wanted to focus on making up with my boyfriend. I guess I didn't see what I requested was a big deal.

[03:59:54] I didn't think it would get this serious. There were a lot of people that were sympathetic and agreed that I was