Step-Dad Is Trying To Control What I Can In MY HOUSE So I Started Charging Him Rent r/Relationships

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider a like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now, today's first story comes from similardig2585 and it says, Am I the arsehole for putting my foot down and charging rent when my stepdad started trying to tell me what to do in my own house?

[00:00:29] My stepdad, 55 male, has been married to my mum, 52 female, for about 5 years. They were doing alright but hit hard times and eventually had their house foreclosed on. So they moved in with me, 27 female. They've been living here for about 2 or 3 months now and it's been going okay until last week-ish. Also, my stepdad has been working a part time job but has not had full time employment since then.

[00:00:57] Anyways, I feel like some of the issues started since I've been on vacation, which I have for 2 weeks. Sometime during the first few days, he saw me heading out and made some sort of comments regarding my outfit. He said the shorts were too short and that I should reconsider. We thought about it back and forth until I decided to just leave because I was tired of reasoning with him anymore. He's been making a lot of these comments in various times and various different ways.

[00:01:24] Example, skirt or shorts are too short, your belly is showing, etc, etc. I told him to stop and he says okay then starts up again. I can't say I understand. I think the straw that broke the camel's back for me was when I had my boyfriend over. I told my mum about it as well and she said she doesn't support it but that this is a dispute him and I need to solve.

[00:01:46] He stayed till maybe 10.30 or 11pm and left. My stepdad didn't say anything while he was here but he emotionally imploded after he left. He said that it's wrong to have guys over this late and to be in my room with them alone. He said that we don't stand for these things in our house. I responded to him that he can stand for whatever he wants in his house, maybe even in a hypothetical our house but he can't tell me what to do in my house.

[00:02:14] On top of that, I told him that from here on out I'm charging $400 a month rent with a month to month agreement. On top of that, if he continues to make comments, this agreement is over and he'll be out of the house as soon as I'm able to make it happen. My mum was upset at first about it but I was able to calm her down. First, I told her that she told me that it was up to us how to solve the dispute and this is how I've decided to solve it.

[00:02:40] Secondly, I told her that he's been staying a while and starting to charge rent would make my life a bit easier for as long as he stays. She's a bit more amenable to the second point. Stepdad is just overall quite pissy. He hasn't told my mum or I his thoughts on the arrangement since he yelled at me about it the night of our big argument but he's just generally ignoring me when he can. Now of course, absolutely not the arsehole in this situation and your stepdad is completely out of line, the absolute cheeky bastard.

[00:03:10] Trying to police your clothes and visitors when he's living under your roof. The actual audacity to say that we don't stand for these things in our house when it's just your house. Oh dear. I just like what goes through their minds in that moment when these words are coming out of their mouths, you know? And the $400 in rent is doing them a favor in all honesty because it's probably cheaper than anywhere else. However, I did find the mum's passiveness in all this a bit strange but a commenter said,

[00:03:40] Sounds like you found a good solution, not the arsehole. Opie said, I was initially thinking of evicting them ASAP but I figured that given he's been chill for months, I didn't need to go nuclear right away. My idea with charging the rent is that to an extent it's a punishment but also sort of a hint that it's my house. Commenter too says, Not the arsehole. I think your boyfriend needs to come over a lot more. I think you need to assert your dominance over your home each and every day.

[00:04:07] If they get too comfortable, they won't be incentivized to get their own place. Opie says, That's actually a good idea. Maybe he should move in because if the threat of eviction doesn't stop him, maybe see my boyfriend will. Boyfriend hasn't been over since the incident but he hasn't made any comments on my clothes at all so maybe he's improving. Or maybe he just doesn't want to get evicted. Who knows? Another commenter says,

[00:04:44] I do feel like stepdad is making progress towards leaving on his own but damn it's slow progress. It hasn't made any comments since and my mom says he's planning to pay the first rent soon so I think I'm good for now. Another commenter says, he's acting like the dad of a teenager. And not only are you not a teenager, he is not even your dad, nor is he in his house. This is a great solution. I think you need to start talking with them about their plans to move back out on their own. This can clearly not be a permanent solution.

[00:05:14] Not the arsehole. Opie says, true, I don't think it's planned to be permanent by anybody, but my mom says my stepdad is like maybe three to four months away from securing something permanent and moving out on his own. One of the things he said when I charged him the rent was that it was making it harder for him to afford his own place and get on with his life. But I think $400 a month while he figures it out is fair, especially given we're in a high cost of living area. An Opie on tenants rights saying,

[00:05:43] where I live does seem to have tenants rights already due to how long he's been here. For now, I accept this first rent payment and reconsider. I'm probably going to hold a zero tolerance policy going forward though. Failure to pay rent or unsolicited comments means you're out as soon as I am able. Yeah, and I forgot to mention about tenants rights. We've seen, I know it changes from country to country and state to state in the US, but we've covered them where they stayed for a certain period of time. So you need to give them X amount of time

[00:06:13] to get them out. And I wonder if that changes. Now Opie's charging them $400 at the same time. But sometime later, Opie came in with her update. And it's said, So I talked to a lawyer friend shortly after making that post. Apparently my state does indeed have laws given tenancy after staying for a bit. They're legal tenants as it stands unfortunately. So I decided on a month-to-month agreement where my stepdad pays $400 a month. On top of that,

[00:06:41] I thought a few punitive measures were fair at least temporarily. I placed an 8.30pm curfew on him for anything not work-related. I also disallowed him from staying in the common area anytime I have anyone over, period. I also placed the majority of the chores in the house as his responsibility as well. For instance, for as long as he stays, he's responsible for cleaning the place entirely. Absolutely every room in the house, no exceptions. Living room, any bedrooms, bathrooms including shower,

[00:07:11] toilets and sinks. Dishes, you get the picture. Of course, I can't force him to do anything but he won't stay in my house for long if he doesn't. I know it's a bit mean for sure but I felt there had to be some sort of punishment for his actions. Mainly I'd say that any further comments, non-payment of rent or violating his punitive rules or chore requirements would result in me not renewing the month-to-month lease and an eviction as fast as I possibly can. For now, we've been living with this arrangement for a few days and he's paid his first month.

[00:07:41] He hasn't made any off-putting comments or anything like that. If anything, he doesn't talk to me basically at all. My mum is still talking to me though. She agreed that she should intervene if and when he says something again but of course, hopefully nothing happens again. She did tell me that stepdad told her that the $400 a month was a lot given his current income from his part-time job and that he finds doing all the chores tiring. But I told her it was final there and no. Also, my boyfriend has been able to come over when he wants to

[00:08:10] without me being troubled for it. He already never bothered my boyfriend directly but now he's kind of just cold shoulders him and I both. My boyfriend doesn't care and finds it amusing though so it's fine. And the commenters after that said looks like you're taking the phrase my house, my rules to a whole new level. Good on you for standing up for yourself and setting boundaries even if it means charging your stepdad rent and making him do chores. Next thing you know he'd be asking for permission to use the bathroom. Another commenter says your current income

[00:08:38] does not affect market rate of rent. It only makes you ineligible to qualify for it. Another commenter says not the arsehole I can't believe how things turned out. It's like setting boundaries just flips the script on family dynamics. I mean who would have thought that making someone responsible for chores could actually lead to peace. It's funny how a little structuring and clear rules change everything so quickly. Maybe it's the idea of having some space or being reminded of daily tasks that makes all the difference. It really shows

[00:09:07] how important communication is. Once everyone knows where they stand things can settle down in unexpected ways. And the last commenter says I'd have to imagine stepdad isn't the happiest. He was living rent free before now he's paying a massive chunk of his paycheck in rent to you and he's doing what seems to be like every chore in the house which I'd have to imagine is exhausting. And he gets a curfew as if all that didn't stress him out enough. Like imagine being in your 50s with a curfew. Ouch. But ultimately

[00:09:37] he did this to himself. Until he gets a better job you have full power over whether there's a roof over his head. He needs to act like it. He chose to tell you what to wear and who you can bring home thinking you wouldn't do anything. He probably expected you to just take the comments and was shocked when you made the conditions for staying that much stricter. It's a good lesson for him and he'll learn not to bite the hand that feeds him. I was surprised that he didn't blow up more after you know the rent, the chores and the curfew.

[00:10:06] I was kind of expecting more of an explosion from that guy but what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story. Our next story comes from Tomato Flavored who says My 27 male girlfriend 26 female stopped talking to me after I found out she opened a credit card in my name. We've been dating for about a year now though we still live apart. Two weeks ago

[00:10:35] I received a phone call asking if I was trying to use my credit card about 200 miles away. I immediately said no and to lock my credit card. They did and told me that they would reissue me a new card. Awesome customer service. Seemed like they were saving my ass. Last week I noticed an automatic payment have tied to my card went through. I thought that was weird so I called my credit card company. They said there was no sign of fraud on my account. What the fuck? I thought about it

[00:11:05] a bit more and my girlfriend has a family in the city where they block the transaction. I checked my credit report and there it was. A credit card I've never seen before. My name is on it but the address is my girlfriend's house. When I talked to her about it she said she's never seen it and knows nothing about it. Yesterday I was able to call the credit card company and get a list of charges. Almost all of them are places she frequents. Same hair salon, same restaurant, same coffee shop,

[00:11:34] same supermarket, everything. She came over last night and I called her out on it and showed her the list of charges. It adds up to more than $4,000. She still denied everything. I told her it wouldn't be hard to get surveillance footage of the person using the card, especially at the supermarkets and she absolutely went off on me. She called me controlling, jealous and an awful person for blaming her. She left and texted me to call her when I've decided to grow up.

[00:12:04] I do love this woman but I'm just at a loss here. Absolutely not. You get rid of this person immediately. They've stolen your identity, spent money in your name and telling you to grow up. Currently she's just trying to deflect to save herself here but there ain't no saving her from this. Gee whiz. Commenter says she's a fucking criminal. Seriously, she opened up a credit card in your name. She's charged $4,000 in your name. Report this awful criminal. What more do you want?

[00:12:33] She's obviously going to lie and gaslight you. Run and report this bee. Kaylee says your girlfriend committed identity theft which is a felony. Your solid evidence is her that did it and the fact that she still continues to lie about it even after being called out is a massive red flag. If she can do something like this only a year in think about how bad it could get in the future or what other stuff she could lie about. I would call the bank and tell them you did not know anything about this card

[00:13:02] and you still don't and that they should cancel it immediately. Contact the police and explain the situation. Tell them your identity has been stolen and a card has been set up without your knowledge. Worst comes to worst involve a lawyer. As she's committed fraud you have a strong case. As for your girlfriend she's not only lying to you but could possibly be committing financial infidelity which is a deal breaker. Needsmore says Man this is plain robbery. First I call the bank and learn how they

[00:13:32] authorize to issue a card without your knowledge. If necessary they need to cover this with a fraud insurance. Second this is a deal breaker. Someone like that can ruin your entire life. Call the bank explain the problem and let them solve the legal matters with your girlfriend and cut everything with her like yesterday. Also contact the police and press charges. So some time later OP came in with the update and it said I decided to grow up and break up

[00:14:01] with her. She didn't have a lot of stuff at my house so I put it all into a few big boxes and had it shipped to her house. I also changed the access code to both my security system and my door locks. The day I posted last week I called her and told her I'm sending her all of her things. After I changed the code slash lock code and we were through. She said I was making a horrible mistake then apologized then said we can work through it. I told her we couldn't work through it and to not contact me anymore.

[00:14:31] Hung up and blocked her number. I drove to the sheriff's department in tears but I knew I could literally never trust her again. Once I got there the deputy was super polite and said it happens more than you'd think. He took a report and had me complete a form swearing that everything I said was the truth. The next day Wednesday I woke up to pounding at the door. It's my ex and she's demanding to talk. Through the door I told her to leave. She refused pounding on the door and crying. It took everything

[00:15:01] I had not to open the door and at least speak with her. Five minutes straight she's pounding on the door pleading with me. Then she starts getting quite a bit more violent kicking the door and yelling obscenities. Since I was afraid she was going to start breaking glass I called 911. After maybe five minutes of the obscenities she just sat down in front of the door which is where she was a couple of minutes later when the deputy got to my house. I live kind of outside of town in a rural subdivision. The deputy asked her if she lived there

[00:15:30] and she said she doesn't. The three of us talked for a few minutes and I gave him the report number from the day before. He didn't know anything about it but he asked if I wanted to have my ex trespassed from my property. Yes I do. Which set her off yelling and got her told off by the deputy. I signed a little slip of paper and had her served her a copy of the trespass warning. If she comes back onto the property she can be arrested for criminal trespassing. She left at that point and I haven't heard from her since. The sheriff's office told me

[00:16:00] they will follow up with me as far as identity theft charges go but that I may not hear anything for a while. I'm working on getting the debt out of my name and so far the credit card company is being very easy to work with. Their fraud department said I should be clear of it within a month. I truly appreciate the support I received from the thousands of people who commented here along with my family. I've realized I do deserve something far better than the relationship I had with a manipulative controlling woman. For anyone else who might be going through this

[00:16:29] just call the police. Don't think twice about it. Let them do their job. Shout out to a user and personal finance subreddit for going even more in depth into everything. It made me feel a lot better about my decision. I'll be happy to provide another update in the future if and when charges get filed or she gets prosecuted. A commenter said and quoted OP saying she said I was making a horrible mistake and says totally. It's the dream of every man to meet a sweet lass who will open credit cards in their name.

[00:16:59] Another commenter says Ugh my stepbrother stole $1200 of social security money from his granddad who is in very poor health which caused him to lose his health and life insurance since he couldn't pay for it. His granddad is being way too nice and giving him 30 days to pay it back. I promise you he won't. He's been begging his granddad to just let it go and not press charges. My stepbrother's dad isn't a horrible person but he enables his son so bad. He said he doesn't want him to go to jail. He's already got

[00:17:29] theft charges. He steals people's things and sells them. He refuses to hold a steady job. My stepdad will end up cleaning up his son's mess like he always has. People like that make me sick. If you want something you should work for it not steal other people's things. I'm so glad OP left her. Nobody deserves to be treated with such disrespect. Tea Tree says as a victim of identity theft as well I truly don't understand why it's so easy to open credit cards

[00:17:58] and accounts and other people's names. You barely even need their information. Mama Bear says if this fits you're indeed dealing with a narcissist. Every time you catch a narcissist doing something wrong they always recite this little prayer. Sometimes the words change and sometimes they recite it over days or weeks but it always comes out. A narcissist prayer. That didn't happen and if it did it wasn't that bad and if it was that's not a big deal and if it is

[00:18:28] that's not my fault and if it was I didn't mean it and if I did you deserved it. Sure Fuck says I never saw your previous post but it's good to see that you did what was best. Also please remember to stay safe. In my experience a warning doesn't always stop a person like that. Might be worse to get a camera to watch your front door. And it's one of those stories that makes me think about her

[00:19:07] somewhere right but to do that straight away just seems like a jump and to knowingly go out and spend four thousand dollars in someone's name is just like wild ass behavior to me. In the update when she came out with you're making a horrible mistake I

[00:19:37] turns violent kicking the door yelling obscenities when they don't get their way immediately. Absolutely scary behavior but I'm so glad that OP is hopefully getting those charges removed and I hope she gets charges for what she's done because if she does this and gets away with it it just enables her to go and do it again to someone else. But what do you make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down

[00:20:07] day getting involved in the stories your love your support your time it always means the absolute world to me so thank you so so much and hopefully I'll see you in the next