Sister Said I Don't Deserve The Honor Of Being A Sister, Now She Wants To Reconcile r/Relationships

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[00:00:48] And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:52] Now today's first story comes from Lord Grint from the MIVR Soul here subreddit.

[00:00:57] And before we do get into the story, I do want to give you a warning that there is mentions of miscarriage within the story

[00:01:02] and past accident trauma as well. So if you do want to skip the story, please feel free to do so.

[00:01:06] Timestamps are always down in the description and along the timeline below. Thank you.

[00:01:11] And it says MIVR Soul for refusing to meet with my half sister because I don't deserve that honour.

[00:01:17] So this is rather simple and messy.

[00:01:20] I 24 female am an affair baby.

[00:01:24] My father 75 male had me with my mother 60 female will still be a married to someone else.

[00:01:30] And divorced with his first wife when I was four and married my mom two years later.

[00:01:35] Because of the age gap and the general mess of the situation, I never truly had any relationships with my father's side of the family.

[00:01:42] For them, I was just an unexpected person to exist, which I'm totally okay with since I have a great loving family on my mother's side anyway.

[00:01:51] So since my birth we have settled this lovely mutual agreement where they pretend I don't exist and I forget that my father is not an orphan.

[00:01:59] Lovely.

[00:02:01] The only person who decided to break this mutual indifference pact was my half sister, 55 female.

[00:02:08] I probably also need to mention that my father was somewhat wealthy when he started dating my mother.

[00:02:13] He had already provided well for his eldest daughter.

[00:02:16] Paid for her education, helped her to get a decent job in a law firm and bought her a large apartment.

[00:02:22] So my sister was extremely unhappy with my birth.

[00:02:25] Since for her, it meant that some of my dad's money will now flow the other direction.

[00:02:30] Not my petty words by the way. She said that to my mother.

[00:02:33] And not only that, according to my mother's words, confirmed by my father and grandparents,

[00:02:39] she had been harassing my mom throughout her entire very complicated pregnancy to the extent that my mother ended up in hospital.

[00:02:47] My sister then found a way to call her even there and wished she had a miscarriage.

[00:02:53] The last time when she and my mother met, she said I am worthless and don't deserve the honor of being called her sister

[00:03:00] and she would rather give everything up to charity than let me inherit something from her.

[00:03:05] She was single and childless then and still is now.

[00:03:09] As for my own memories, I've seen her probably only three to four times as a kid and got a few presents from her as a teenager.

[00:03:16] Some of her hideous old clothes she didn't want to wear anymore.

[00:03:20] She decided it would be hilarious to just send them to my mother in a garbage bag so I donated it to charity upon her forgotten wishes.

[00:03:28] The funny thing is that even though my mother was accused of gold digging,

[00:03:32] my father had an accident and retired soon after their marriage.

[00:03:35] So she was the one who provided for me and gave me the future.

[00:03:40] Now I live in another country with my soon to be husband, studying and all in all doing okay.

[00:03:46] I was supposed to visit my family next week when my father unexpectedly called me.

[00:03:51] He never does that.

[00:03:52] Upon a very awkward conversation, I received this information.

[00:03:56] Number one, even though agreeing to cut contacts, my father began talking with his eldest daughter a few years ago.

[00:04:04] Two, he systematically updated her on my life.

[00:04:08] Three, then she learned I'm doing okay and I'm soon to start my own family.

[00:04:12] She suddenly expressed desire to meet me.

[00:04:14] She has no family on her own and that somehow made her value our sister Bond more.

[00:04:20] I kindly rejected that offer and said I would rather not.

[00:04:24] Then followed 20 minutes of a pointless conversation with such arguments as

[00:04:28] and become an older and want my children to reconcile.

[00:04:31] She was young and stupid now she regrets etc etc.

[00:04:35] When I reminded him that she basically harassed my mother and wished me dead.

[00:04:39] He called me out for being vengeful towards my sister and said he taught me better.

[00:04:44] I then said I don't think I deserve the honor of meeting her and don't seek to earn that honor.

[00:04:50] And he hung up on me.

[00:04:52] I know my father is an old man who doesn't want any drama.

[00:04:55] However, my mother is the sweetest person alive and the mere thought that someone in a right mind could harass her to the point.

[00:05:02] She was at hospital makes me sick.

[00:05:04] I didn't have any interest in this sister bonding BS and I don't care what she has to say.

[00:05:10] So am I the asshole for not even giving her a chance to speak with me?

[00:05:15] So there was a fair few comments on the back of this one calling out

[00:05:19] OP's mum basically for breaking up a family being a home wrecker etc etc.

[00:05:24] OP came into reply to those comments and says

[00:05:27] you are more supportive than I expect the guy so thanks.

[00:05:30] Just wanted to quickly address the infidelity part before going to sleep.

[00:05:34] I live in Europe and this past midnight.

[00:05:36] I noticed some people concerned about my lack of judgment when it comes to my mum being a mistress and breaking up the family.

[00:05:43] I personally would rather not go into deep details about with whom and why

[00:05:47] since it is the info I'm not comfortable sharing with all on Reddit.

[00:05:51] However, I would say the thing that is relevant to my post and my sis.

[00:05:55] My mum is not an angel but she is not a home wrecker either because the home already didn't exist when she and my father met.

[00:06:03] He wasn't loyal before that, his family knew.

[00:06:06] I don't know their exact emotions on that but he wasn't loyal for years before my mother and he and his wife still lived together.

[00:06:13] Even when he met my mum they knew about her and showed no animosity to water, even the sis.

[00:06:19] They met a few times and sis was indifferent.

[00:06:22] My mother getting pregnant was the reason the shit show started.

[00:06:25] And as the reason why, regardless of my mum's actions, I am so not okay with the harassing part from sister.

[00:06:32] She wanted abortion so dad would not waste his money on another child then wanted me dead.

[00:06:38] As for the no contact request from mum, heart I mentioned in the comments.

[00:06:42] Guys if you please read what I write.

[00:06:45] My mother said don't let her come near me or my baby after almost losing an unborn child due to endless harassment.

[00:06:52] My so called sister wished me dead multiple times.

[00:06:56] She stopped only when my father agreed to leave all his savings to his old family.

[00:07:00] I know that because other people around me shared that info when I became older, but only my mother.

[00:07:06] She doesn't talk about any of my father's relatives at all if she is not asked to.

[00:07:11] Church of Dan comes in with a first comment that says not the asshole sounds like she wants to reach out for selfish reasons

[00:07:16] and wants you to just roll over and pretend she hasn't hated you your entire life.

[00:07:21] Even though her anger is misdirected, you seem to understand why people might scapegoat you as the living embodiment of the death of their family.

[00:07:28] But harassing someone into the hospital and then finding a way to continue that in the hospital is a bridge too far.

[00:07:34] I'm not a strong math guy but if you were 24 and she's 55

[00:07:38] then she was 31 when she did this to your mother.

[00:07:42] She wasn't some middle schooler, she was an adult over 30.

[00:07:46] Young and stupid indeed.

[00:07:48] Opie says indeed, the young and stupid part cracked me up as well.

[00:07:52] Yep, she is not much younger than my mother.

[00:07:55] They even share the same name and I think it may be one of the many reasons why my mom decided to keep her own surname.

[00:08:01] Lawl.

[00:08:02] Chakra says not the asshole.

[00:08:04] She gets to have feelings about her dad cheating on her mom.

[00:08:07] If it had been me, what a raised hell.

[00:08:09] But she crossed a line when she actively took it out on a pregnant woman and became vengeful towards you.

[00:08:15] Though dad was in the wrong for ever agreeing to cut himself off from his child for the sake of someone else.

[00:08:20] Let's be clear about that.

[00:08:22] You and your mom never ever needed to have contact with her.

[00:08:25] But he is still her parent.

[00:08:27] It was on him to create healthy boundaries for everyone in the situation and he failed.

[00:08:32] Opie says to be honest, I wouldn't care if he talks with her or not if it wasn't for my mom.

[00:08:38] She insisted on cutting her off after my birth.

[00:08:40] What would be precise?

[00:08:42] Make sure I never see around me or my daughter because I will call the police.

[00:08:46] The boundaries is something my dad was never strong in.

[00:08:49] He tends to avoid conflicts at all costs.

[00:08:52] He is constantly trying to force people to be okay with each other and be forgiving.

[00:08:56] So if my mother wouldn't do this, it's all them fit and 100% sure he would constantly try to make sis and my mother reconcile.

[00:09:04] Invite her to dinners and our home etc.

[00:09:06] This inability to leave things as it was was the reason my mother was harassed in the first place.

[00:09:11] I love him but man, can't understand why his daughter wouldn't be besties with his mistress

[00:09:16] and got it only after she called mum at the hospital.

[00:09:19] Now like the comment said, I can see why sis is angry about the whole situation.

[00:09:25] It doesn't obviously excuse the behaviour.

[00:09:28] But it sounds like we're just being told to meet up because family, which you're not the arsehole for,

[00:09:34] for not wanting to meet up I can't blame you for doing so if it was me and this is just like personally me

[00:09:40] because everyone's different and if OP doesn't want to meet up they shouldn't meet up.

[00:09:44] It's as simple as that but for myself I'm always curious about what the person's going to say.

[00:09:50] So for me I potentially might go meet her just to find out what she has to say.

[00:09:54] You don't have to forgive, you don't have to move past anything, you can just hear what they have to say

[00:09:58] and then move on, you can get up and walk out at any point you want to.

[00:10:01] And again, I'm not suggesting OP do this, this is just from my curiosity really.

[00:10:07] But OP comes in to update the post and says hey guys just came home and looked through your answers.

[00:10:12] Jesus I did not expect that many and oh boy some are very interesting.

[00:10:17] I have a tiny, tiny update but first let me answer some of you guys.

[00:10:21] At first those who addressed the issue I was talking about, me and my sis being total strangers

[00:10:26] with her resenting me even before my birth and suddenly wanting to meet.

[00:10:31] Thank you for your feedback, you are the most appreciated of all.

[00:10:35] I'm not all that good at dealing with someone trying to do the speed run to my personal space

[00:10:40] so I really wanted to know if I'm overreacting.

[00:10:43] I think it's hard to judge especially because I don't actually know sis apart from her being a huge fan of me being born.

[00:10:51] As far as I know, but the most pleasant person to be around.

[00:10:54] I have zero desire to test this personally.

[00:10:57] As for my mother's infidelity, many people were not happy with the sweetest person part

[00:11:02] and even less with my further explaining which I find absolutely understandable.

[00:11:07] Many of you were polite and respectful in your argumentation so thank you for that.

[00:11:12] Actually upon reading my own answers the next day without context I can see why so many people were confident that I'm trying to do black and white here.

[00:11:20] I don't actually think it is necessary to have a huge discussion since it is not the main point of my post anyway

[00:11:26] but for those who are respectful to me, I want to make my only and last point here.

[00:11:31] My position on that matter is not that cheating is totally okay since it is my mama who did the nasty and slash or she was the first mistress to my father.

[00:11:40] I can get a little defensive on that I know but don't blame me, blame the flashback from my childhood when I constantly heard all the things you wrote from my father's friends.

[00:11:49] Sorry kidding but not really.

[00:11:51] My position is that I've decided to refrain from judging my mother on that.

[00:11:55] In other words not approving like hey my pops is a cheetah anyway so it's totally okay to sleep with him then.

[00:12:01] It is rather I don't think it is my place to shame my mother.

[00:12:05] She made a decision and faced the consequences.

[00:12:07] I leave that to her and I won't let this impact our relationship.

[00:12:11] That's it.

[00:12:12] You may not agree with my point of view and that's fine.

[00:12:15] Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and I'm entitled to my own perspective also.

[00:12:20] The perspective is I saw only kindness and love from her.

[00:12:24] This is my way of showing love and kindness back.

[00:12:27] Please be respectful.

[00:12:29] For those who actually insulted my mother or me by calling names and wishing me being cheated on to get the feeling.

[00:12:36] I hope people you love never make any mistakes.

[00:12:39] Oh boy, you would let them know they are not worthy of anything anymore.

[00:12:43] Now to the actual update.

[00:12:45] Actually not much to update about.

[00:12:47] My father had a brilliant idea of asking my mother to persuade me and now it is a huge shit show.

[00:12:53] My mother crying on Skype and asking me if meeting my sister is something I truly want.

[00:12:58] Me explaining that I don't give a flying fuck about her.

[00:13:01] My father screaming on my mother that it is her upbringing.

[00:13:04] Fun.

[00:13:05] Oh, he also said he had given her my number so we could settle things as adults.

[00:13:10] But now I'm even more irritated.

[00:13:12] You do some issues with my residents renewal.

[00:13:15] I often have to pick up from unknown numbers.

[00:13:17] I have to give attention to the country code before picking from now on.

[00:13:22] The first Skype call was a disaster and my father went outside to smoke.

[00:13:27] My mom called me in again.

[00:13:28] I asked her about no contact thing.

[00:13:31] My mother explained that she was indeed against my sister being anywhere near me.

[00:13:35] Because she was scared of her hating me so much and couldn't trust her.

[00:13:39] However, she said she actually forbade my father talking to her.

[00:13:43] She just wanted it to be away from our house and our lives.

[00:13:47] And that he tried for some time when I was a kid to see her occasionally.

[00:13:50] But then the car accident happened and sis never called him or visited him in the hospital.

[00:13:55] This made him so frustrated that he went full no contact mode himself.

[00:13:59] I then asked her does she have any idea of what sis could possibly want from me.

[00:14:04] But she had no clue.

[00:14:06] So that's what it is now.

[00:14:08] If some drama happens I will update.

[00:14:10] But I probably would not go to every single new thing that has the new post mode.

[00:14:14] Have a life to live and a wedding to plan.

[00:14:16] Just maybe you will give some closure in case there would be one.

[00:14:19] Thanks for wasting your time reading this and have a nice life.

[00:14:22] Couple of the top comments from that post so very didn't say it.

[00:14:25] Personally just tell her to text you.

[00:14:27] She is short and don't engage.

[00:14:29] She can't meet you.

[00:14:30] You don't have a bond.

[00:14:31] So just be straight with her.

[00:14:33] Never liked me, wished me harm and could never have my best interest at heart.

[00:14:37] What do you want?

[00:14:38] Short, sweet to the point.

[00:14:40] Good luck.

[00:14:41] And Glass Girl says it sounds like your father has experienced him some late life guilt about his choices

[00:14:46] and feels making happy family will absolve him.

[00:14:49] It's not your job to fix this for him.

[00:14:51] If you don't see yourself getting anything at a meeting her, don't.

[00:14:55] Maybe suggest if she has something to say.

[00:14:57] She can write you a letter.

[00:15:00] And many of the other comments suggesting that.

[00:15:03] It's just like typical Reddit, but not totally out of the realms of possibility.

[00:15:09] We've seen it a couple of times that sister needs an organ of some kind.

[00:15:13] But what do you guys make of this situation?

[00:15:16] What do you think sister is after?

[00:15:18] Do you think she has just changed?

[00:15:20] Has she not?

[00:15:21] Would you meet up with her?

[00:15:23] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:15:26] Let's move on to another story.

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[00:16:53] Now our next story is titled, I'm Ivy Arsall here for telling my sister-in-law.

[00:17:01] I won't dress modestly around her husband.

[00:17:05] And before we do get into this story, there is talk of past sexual assault trauma.

[00:17:09] So as always, please feel free to use the time stamps down in the description below.

[00:17:14] Thank you.

[00:17:15] And it says, I 33 female have been married to my husband 33 male for four years.

[00:17:21] One year ago, I had my daughter.

[00:17:23] When I was a teenager, I had been sexually assaulted by a family friend multiple times.

[00:17:28] This has left me with a lot of complex feelings about my body.

[00:17:32] My abuser told my parents that the abuse was my fault because I dressed slutty around him.

[00:17:37] He was 40s and I was 14.

[00:17:40] For years, I would only wear baggy clothes and not do my hair and makeup.

[00:17:44] I've gotten some therapy and worked hard to overcome these feelings of self-blame

[00:17:49] but being pregnant and having a baby mess with my body image a bit.

[00:17:53] I've been working out a lot and have really liking my body currently.

[00:17:57] It feels very freeing.

[00:17:59] My sister-in-law 29 female knows all about my past abuse and my issues

[00:18:04] with blaming myself for my teenage clothes for my abuse.

[00:18:07] She is married to my brother-in-law, 30 male,

[00:18:10] and the four of us have always gotten along.

[00:18:13] We're going on a trip with my husband's parents,

[00:18:15] my brother-in-law and sister-in-law, and their two boys, eight and six male.

[00:18:19] My sister-in-law texts me and asked me to not bring any bikinis because she had two young boys.

[00:18:25] I thought this was weird but I told her that I wouldn't if that was important to her.

[00:18:30] She came over last weekend and had clothes out to pack for our trip.

[00:18:34] She wanted to see what I was bringing.

[00:18:36] She framed it in a fun, lighthearted way.

[00:18:39] She saw my bathing suit and asked me why I was bringing that

[00:18:42] since she asked me not to bring a bikini.

[00:18:44] I told her it was not a bikini but a covering two piece.

[00:18:48] She got very quiet and started looking through my pile of clothes.

[00:18:52] I also had a maxi dress that had spaghetti straps.

[00:18:55] Again, she asked me if I could bring something more modest.

[00:18:58] I told her I was uncomfortable and it was such a big deal for boys to see me in a dress.

[00:19:04] She finally admitted that she did not want me to wear any flattering clothes

[00:19:08] or bathing suits around her husband.

[00:19:10] She said her husband has been struggling with a porn addiction

[00:19:13] and clothes I was bringing would make it hard for him and would be tempting.

[00:19:18] This is where I may be the asshole.

[00:19:20] I was so grossed out and angry.

[00:19:22] I told her very assertively that she was crazy if she thought

[00:19:25] I need to cover my body to keep her creep of a husband from jerking off to me.

[00:19:30] I told her how wrong she was to say that to me when she knows my past issues.

[00:19:34] I also told her she is grossed for at first using her kits

[00:19:38] when the real reason is she didn't want her husband looking at me.

[00:19:41] She started crying and left.

[00:19:44] She called my husband, her brother later crying

[00:19:47] and asking him to make me bring more modest clothes.

[00:19:50] My husband completely took my side and told her

[00:19:53] if it's such an issue for a husband then maybe they should not come on the trip.

[00:19:58] My mother-in-law has now gotten involved

[00:20:00] in his asking to bring a more covering bathing suit and modest clothes.

[00:20:04] Edit the context.

[00:20:06] My husband's family is extremely religious.

[00:20:08] I think Duggar family religious.

[00:20:10] Edit two.

[00:20:11] Sorry, I never posted on Reddit.

[00:20:13] I get more info that has been asked.

[00:20:15] My brother-in-law has never made me feel uncomfortable.

[00:20:18] In fact, I thought we had a good relationship.

[00:20:20] He was not raised in the Pentecostal Church

[00:20:23] but did join when he married my sister-in-law.

[00:20:26] My husband and I both grew up in church

[00:20:28] but have since left.

[00:20:29] My mother-in-law has asked me to bring modest clothes

[00:20:32] but she has not mentioned an addiction issue.

[00:20:35] I assume she knows but when I look at her message as objective

[00:20:38] it could be very possible that my sister-in-law told her

[00:20:40] I was bringing very skimpy clothes.

[00:20:43] Also, my husband is paying for the trip completely.

[00:20:46] I bought my dress recently.

[00:20:48] This is the dress.

[00:20:49] I thought it was beautiful and I was excited to wear it

[00:20:52] especially since I had a baby nine months ago.

[00:20:55] I might even return it because it feels like it's tainted

[00:20:57] and I just think of my in-laws when I wear it.

[00:21:01] Then OP shared the image of the dress

[00:21:04] which is on screen right now.

[00:21:06] Now if I'm being totally honest, I'm not sure what Duggar family is.

[00:21:09] I had a quick Google and saw it's 19 kids in counting

[00:21:13] or something, there's a series.

[00:21:15] So I'm certainly going to be looking into that

[00:21:16] because it looks kind of wild.

[00:21:18] But first I just want to say well done to you

[00:21:21] for you know, you've been through a lot

[00:21:24] and don't let anyone knock the progress you've made.

[00:21:27] And look at that dress.

[00:21:29] It's pretty amazing.

[00:21:30] Absolutely treat yourself.

[00:21:31] Don't let someone else paint it for you.

[00:21:33] Go out and rock that dress.

[00:21:36] And you also said that mother-in-law got un-volved

[00:21:38] and she was sort of telling you to bring a more covering bathing suit

[00:21:41] and modest clothes.

[00:21:42] And then you later said that your husband is paying for the trip completely.

[00:21:46] You want to take any of these people?

[00:21:48] I see you just go with your husband and enjoy the trip yourself

[00:21:51] and you know, do what the hell you want, wear what you want

[00:21:54] because their logic is just wild in this situation

[00:21:58] and fuck those people.

[00:22:00] OP updates the post.

[00:22:02] That particular post says, wow thank you so much for your support

[00:22:05] especially those you shared your experience with the past.

[00:22:08] My husband has been away for work but landed early this afternoon.

[00:22:12] On his layover he canceled the reservations for the trip.

[00:22:15] He's currently on his way to his sister's house

[00:22:17] to confront my brother-in-law.

[00:22:19] His plan is to show up in their house unannounced

[00:22:21] and take brother-in-law out for a drink

[00:22:23] and talk to him away from my sister-in-law

[00:22:25] or post an update tomorrow.

[00:22:27] Thank you all so much for your kind words.

[00:22:30] Stranger loop says, not they are so aware whatever you want,

[00:22:34] when you want.

[00:22:35] You've been through enough in your life with people judging your appearance

[00:22:38] and trying to gaslight you into thinking your appearance somehow causes trouble.

[00:22:42] I'm sorry for what happened to you when you were younger.

[00:22:44] I'm proud of you for putting in the work to overcome something so awful.

[00:22:48] The piece of thank you so much.

[00:22:50] I've done really hard work to be able to function and be a good mum.

[00:22:53] Unfortunately, I think I may be going back to therapy after all of this.

[00:22:59] Ah, dear me.

[00:23:01] Commenter says, not they are so,

[00:23:03] and definitely not they are so since I read in a comment of yours

[00:23:06] that your husband is actually the one that is paying for this whole trip.

[00:23:09] Are you fucking kidding me?

[00:23:11] You guys are paying and they have the audacity to ask the ones

[00:23:14] funding a trip for them to cover up.

[00:23:17] I would find the skimpiest bikinis in outfits I could find

[00:23:20] and then tell them they're more than welcome to take their judgmental

[00:23:22] mooching ourselves back to their own houses.

[00:23:25] I didn't like what you were wearing to the place that you guys paid for.

[00:23:29] OP says the whole reason my husband paid for the trip

[00:23:31] so that their two boys can have some fun.

[00:23:34] They never get to do trips because their parents do not have the financial means.

[00:23:37] I think that's the main reason I feel guilty about telling them they can't come.

[00:23:41] It's my brother-in-law that should feel guilty.

[00:23:44] Further commenter said, I'm so sorry you're handling this sort of past trauma

[00:23:48] and current guilt but here is where you draw the line in protecting your peace.

[00:23:52] If you and your husband want to offer something special for the boys

[00:23:55] you can save this money and sponsor something for them in the future

[00:23:58] but now is not the time to make yourself vulnerable to a misogynistic sister-in-law

[00:24:03] and a creep of a brother-in-law. Protect your peace.

[00:24:07] OP says that's really good advice

[00:24:09] I hadn't really thought that we could use the money to have the boys do something without us.

[00:24:13] That's fun. My daughter is only nine months old

[00:24:16] and I definitely don't want a creep around her or a woman who enables him.

[00:24:20] But OP comes in with her updates.

[00:24:22] Hi everyone. Accidentally deleted my OG post last night

[00:24:25] but I'll post a body of my original post in a comment below.

[00:24:28] I want to say thank you for all your support and advice

[00:24:31] especially thank you for people who damn me with their personal stories of abuse and trauma

[00:24:35] I'm so grateful for you sharing your stories.

[00:24:38] To answer if you had any questions

[00:24:40] I am very average looking but by conventional standard.

[00:24:43] Have a nice body, I'm 5'6 and 120 pounds

[00:24:47] since I had my daughter I've been going to Pilates three times a week

[00:24:51] the first time in my life has some abdominal muscle

[00:24:54] which I'm very very proud of.

[00:24:56] I don't mean this as a subtle brag.

[00:24:59] You brag away.

[00:25:00] I also put a good amount of effort into the way I look

[00:25:03] such as doing my hair and makeup and wearing well-fitting clothes

[00:25:07] My sister-in-law is a very attractive woman

[00:25:10] she is much taller than me

[00:25:12] she's gained about 40 pounds since she had her kids

[00:25:15] and I know that she feels a bit self-conscious about it

[00:25:18] but she said she's not willing to change

[00:25:20] she said that she's a mum so it doesn't matter what she looks like

[00:25:23] I wonder if she's having a bit of depression

[00:25:26] because she goes days without even sharing

[00:25:28] again, I'm just trying to give her a better picture of my sister-in-law

[00:25:31] So for the update

[00:25:33] To make things clearer

[00:25:34] I will refer to my husband as Tom and myself as Kate

[00:25:37] I refer to my sister-in-law Jill

[00:25:39] and my brother-in-law as Jack

[00:25:41] My husband showed up at my in-laws house unannounced last night

[00:25:44] He said my brother-in-law was happy to see him

[00:25:46] and he asked to go for a walk with him so he could talk

[00:25:49] One thing that was interesting is that my brother-in-law wasn't under the impression

[00:25:53] but the trip was still on for this Saturday

[00:25:55] My husband said this is the most awkward conversation he ever had

[00:25:58] He started by asking Jack, my brother-in-law

[00:26:00] if he and his wife are having any trouble

[00:26:03] because his wife had mentioned that he had a porn addiction

[00:26:06] My brother-in-law rolled his eyes

[00:26:08] said he's only looked at porn once since Christmas

[00:26:11] He looks at it once every couple of months

[00:26:14] His wife is convinced as an addiction

[00:26:16] He thought my husband is frustrating because he feels shame for normal sexual desire

[00:26:21] He also confided in my husband that him and his wife

[00:26:24] had not had sex in over a year

[00:26:26] and he's not sure what to do

[00:26:28] He said he suggested counselling but his wife only wants to see someone from the church

[00:26:32] which was not a licensed therapist

[00:26:34] My husband said

[00:26:36] well, Jill said it was enough of an issue that

[00:26:38] she didn't want Kate to wear a two-piece bathing suit or a sun dress on the trip

[00:26:42] because it would be difficult for you

[00:26:44] He said my brother-in-law was very surprised and upset

[00:26:47] and asked a bunch of questions about the incident

[00:26:49] My husband said that my brother-in-law was mortified

[00:26:52] My brother-in-law said wait

[00:26:54] does Kate think I've been thinking about her in that way?

[00:26:57] My husband told him that was what Jill implied

[00:27:00] Again, Jack was mortified

[00:27:02] He profusely apologized to my husband and said it's not the case at all

[00:27:06] He said he wanted to apologize to me directly

[00:27:08] but he didn't want to make me feel more uncomfortable

[00:27:10] and he was so sorry

[00:27:12] My husband asked him if he had any pictures of me and his phone

[00:27:15] and that he had taken any without my consent

[00:27:18] Immediately said absolutely not

[00:27:20] and gave my husband his phone and told him to look through it

[00:27:23] My husband also asked my brother-in-law Jack

[00:27:25] if he'd made any comments about my body to his wife or others

[00:27:29] Jack said that he had made a few comments that he thought were innocent

[00:27:32] but in the light of day he can understand how they could have been construed otherwise

[00:27:36] He said that he made comments when I was pregnant about me glowing

[00:27:39] He said that he recently has been talking to his wife

[00:27:42] and how he thought it was adorable that I made a point to work out

[00:27:45] and make time for myself after my baby was born

[00:27:48] He said that he had mentioned I had looked good

[00:27:51] and he knew how hard it is to make time to work out with a little one

[00:27:54] Jack apologizes that he realized that these comments he thought were innocent

[00:27:58] might not have been the most appropriate

[00:28:00] and then going forward he'll be careful what he says to his wife and others

[00:28:05] My husband told him that even though the air has been cleared

[00:28:08] but the trip is off

[00:28:09] Jack said he completely understood and he will tell his boys this morning

[00:28:13] and that he would be talking to Jill

[00:28:15] About an hour ago I got a text from Jill saying

[00:28:17] my kids are devastated

[00:28:19] I hope you're happy

[00:28:20] I've ignored her

[00:28:21] My husband is going to talk to his parents today

[00:28:24] He wants to give it a few days before he talks to his sister

[00:28:27] That's all for now

[00:28:28] Thank you again for your support

[00:28:30] Edit because I can't recover my original post

[00:28:32] This is the dress and then shares the dress again

[00:28:35] This is the dress that I bought

[00:28:37] that my sister-in-law did not want me to bring in the trip

[00:28:39] when we send the dress previously

[00:28:41] I think I'm going to keep it

[00:28:42] because honestly I love the dress

[00:28:44] and everybody hyped me up

[00:28:46] Thanks again

[00:28:47] Absolutely brilliant

[00:28:49] Another little update in the post which says

[00:28:51] My brother-in-law sent this text to my husband about an hour ago

[00:28:54] Please share this with Kate

[00:28:55] if you feel like she's in a good place

[00:28:57] Kate, I'm so terribly sorry

[00:28:59] I know this is really uncomfortable

[00:29:01] but I just wanted to let you know that I've never used

[00:29:03] any thoughts or images of you in a sexual way

[00:29:06] I feel sick to my stomach having to say that

[00:29:08] I really truly apologise if I've made comments

[00:29:11] that made you feel uncomfortable

[00:29:12] I'm sure there's more I could say

[00:29:14] but I just wanted to let you know

[00:29:15] how truly apologetic I am for the whole situation

[00:29:18] Understand if you do not want to see me

[00:29:20] and Jill for a while

[00:29:21] and that's totally okay

[00:29:23] Please don't feel bad about the trip

[00:29:25] The boys are fine

[00:29:27] Opie then says this was a good apology

[00:29:29] I tend to believe him

[00:29:31] And then there were some comments which Opie responds to

[00:29:33] so Icewolf Fenris says

[00:29:35] Is there a chance Jill is cheating on Jack?

[00:29:37] Just to know sex for a long time

[00:29:39] gives me that vibe

[00:29:41] Opie says I would be shocked if that was the case

[00:29:43] She was 18 and he was 19 when they got married

[00:29:45] He's the only man she's ever been with

[00:29:47] Interestingly enough

[00:29:49] they got married so young because they were having sex

[00:29:51] and her parents found out and pressured them to get married

[00:29:54] Someone replies saying

[00:29:56] It's unfortunate that really the whole problem is Jill

[00:29:58] is insecure and it appears a bit jealous of you

[00:30:01] If that's all Jack, I don't see a problem

[00:30:03] At least now you know Jack hasn't been a creeper towards you

[00:30:06] And yet again Jill can't take any responsibility for her actions

[00:30:09] as trying to blame you

[00:30:11] You aren't the cause of her kid being devastated

[00:30:13] The situation not being able to go on this vacation

[00:30:16] is completely on her shoulder

[00:30:18] I hope that you, your husband and the family

[00:30:20] still go get away for a bit though

[00:30:22] It would be nice to relax after all the BS

[00:30:25] Opie says my husband still has PTO next week

[00:30:28] He's going to see if we can change the plan tickets

[00:30:30] and go somewhere with just him, me and our daughter

[00:30:34] Little bit funny says if Jack is telling the truth

[00:30:37] I suspect he is particularly since

[00:30:39] he is so willingly handed over his phone

[00:30:41] and expressed both the desire to apologise and awareness

[00:30:43] that you might not be comfortable around him

[00:30:45] And damn that poor guy

[00:30:47] His wife is making him out to be a sexual predator

[00:30:50] I hope he can get a divorce

[00:30:52] Opie says also my husband believes him

[00:30:54] and I trust his judgement

[00:30:56] My husband said if he's lying, he's got to be a sociopath or something

[00:30:59] because he seemed very sincere and forthcoming

[00:31:02] Adventurous basis says holy crap

[00:31:04] sounds like your sister-in-law is having some serious issues

[00:31:06] She doesn't want to have sex with her husband

[00:31:08] but also doesn't want him to take care of himself

[00:31:10] Sounds like she is just reflecting all of her insecurities

[00:31:13] onto you and blame it on the brother-in-law

[00:31:15] Hopefully this opens his eyes and he takes action

[00:31:18] If she is saying this type of crap to you

[00:31:20] who else has she been lying to about him

[00:31:23] Opie says I suspect he's also been spreading the narrative

[00:31:26] to her parents because my brother-in-law

[00:31:28] originally asked me to not bring the dress

[00:31:30] and to pack more modest clothes

[00:31:32] Historical replies that say my concern is

[00:31:35] what she is teaching her kids

[00:31:37] Opie says this also concerns me

[00:31:39] Up to this point my husband and most answers

[00:31:42] that we left the church

[00:31:43] My husband's family knows our feelings

[00:31:45] but we know that they can live their life the way they want to

[00:31:48] I'm just afraid that our boys are going to grow up

[00:31:50] with some twisted ideas about sex and women

[00:31:52] followed me and growing up in the Pentecostal church

[00:31:56] That boys were told that they couldn't be alone with girls

[00:31:58] because they would be too tempting

[00:32:00] It made me feel like it teaches boys

[00:32:02] they didn't have to control themselves

[00:32:04] And you know, going with what brother-in-law is saying

[00:32:07] is true, it seems like he is

[00:32:09] he's handed over his phone

[00:32:10] willing to give proof, seems sincere

[00:32:13] taking Opie's feelings into account

[00:32:15] that you know, maybe she doesn't want to see brother-in-law

[00:32:18] any time soon because of what's been going on

[00:32:21] So if all this is the case, imagine being that brother-in-law

[00:32:24] and finding out that your wife has been saying this

[00:32:26] to multiple people potentially

[00:32:28] that you are sort of creeping on people like this

[00:32:32] That is just over there and then isn't it?

[00:32:35] But what do you guys make of this situation

[00:32:38] Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below

[00:32:41] Just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart

[00:32:43] for getting involved in today's stories

[00:32:45] your love, your support, your time

[00:32:47] always means the absolute world to me

[00:32:49] so thank you so so much and hopefully

[00:32:51] I'll see you in the next one

[00:32:53] Take care and much love

[00:33:38] Hello Fresh