Sister-In-Law Is DEMANDING I Wear Her Wedding Dress To My Wedding "As It's A Gift" r/Relationships

[00:00:03] Hey, what's up, gang? I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories

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[00:00:15] And let's crack on with today's first story

[00:00:18] Now, today's first story comes from the MIVA so here's subreddit from Capital Manager 7070

[00:00:24] And says, I'm IVA soul for refusing to wear the wedding dress, my sister-in-law gave to me as a wedding gift

[00:00:31] It starts off, I female 27 met my fiance Jacob, ML31 when I was 21

[00:00:38] We've been together for six years and engaged for almost a year out of those

[00:00:42] My mother's wedding dress has been passed down for generations

[00:00:45] And I remember being a little girl dreaming of walking down the aisle in it

[00:00:49] Every recently been wedding planning and we're invited to a dinner hosted by my fiance's family that was on Sunday

[00:00:55] When we arrived we greeted everyone and sat at the table to eat

[00:01:00] Sister-in-law stood up and tapped a spoon against her glass and said that she had to make a toast

[00:01:05] She then said she'd be right back before going into another room and returning with a large plastic bag

[00:01:11] Everyone seemed to be excited but I just felt confused

[00:01:15] I awkwardly smiled as I asked Sister-in-law what was inside the bag

[00:01:19] She opened it up to reveal her wedding dress from a wedding which was two years ago

[00:01:24] Everyone began clapping as Sister-in-law announced that this was her official wedding gift to us

[00:01:29] And she wanted me to wear her dress at the wedding

[00:01:32] I tried to smile but I guess I didn't do a good job of hiding my disappointment and everyone began asking me what was wrong

[00:01:39] I tried to explain how I wanted to wear my mother's dress and that it was nothing personal

[00:01:43] But that I refused to wear my sister-in-law's dress

[00:01:47] My sister-in-law began crying is my in-laws began tearing into me and comforting her

[00:01:52] I just burst into tears and ran outside

[00:01:54] My fiance didn't even come after me and after crying my eyes at on the steps for what felt like hours

[00:02:00] You finally came outside and yelled at me to get into the car

[00:02:04] I was so confused but I got into the car just to hear and berate me on how I abade such a big scene

[00:02:10] And embarrassed him in front of his family

[00:02:12] He sounded so mad and he even said he couldn't believe he chose to marry such a bitchy to you next Tuesday

[00:02:19] This exact words well swear version of course my fiance also said how sister-in-law was just trying to be nice

[00:02:26] And that a dress was more modern compared to my mother's dress

[00:02:29] Which looked like an old rag

[00:02:31] Also his exact words

[00:02:33] I tried to tell him how much my mother's wedding dress meant to me because I promised her that I would wear it

[00:02:40] I felt like my fiance's family planned this and put me on the spot thinking I wouldn't stand up for myself

[00:02:45] And just agreed to wear sister-in-law's dress

[00:02:47] I didn't think I did anything wrong but part of me things I should have just gone along with it

[00:02:52] And then told sister-in-law and private that I wouldn't be wearing the dress

[00:02:56] I

[00:02:57] Yarsaw

[00:02:59] So in the comments a fiction at tap says not the arse or but be thankful that he is showing you who really is before you marry him

[00:03:06] You've just had a glimpse of what your future is going to look like if you go through with your wedding

[00:03:11] disastrous photo replies and says OP this right here. Let me tell you it's way worse than you've previewed

[00:03:19] Any person who would speak to their partner with such derision and blatantly disrespect their family's traditions and can

[00:03:25] Spire with their family to control you and the choices you make does not see you as a human being

[00:03:30] But merely as a prop or accessory to users they wish and serve them to bend to their will

[00:03:35] This means when you do not 100% anticipate and fully comply with their worldview

[00:03:40] Expectations of you will be emotionally and verbally abused which quickly escalates in many cases

[00:03:46] To physical and sexual abuse you not continue for thinners relationship

[00:03:51] You deserve so much better and your future children if that is your plan also

[00:03:56] Deserve a loving and mutually respectful householder grow up in could you imagine allowing your daughter to be spoken to

[00:04:03] Entreated the way your fiance treated you could you imagine raising a son who saw his dad treat you that way

[00:04:09] And allowed to grow up believing that was how women are to be treated you are so much more than that the man for yourself a person

[00:04:16] Was it deserving of you the you are of them?

[00:04:20] No order says mom you need to leave that whole family behind including your fiance

[00:04:25] Definitely not the answer you just had a peek into your future if you carry on with this relationship

[00:04:32] Rylan says OP do not waste your mum is waiting dress on this man. He doesn't deserve it

[00:04:37] Hail needle worker says not the asshole your fiance needs to have more respect for you as he probably knew

[00:04:43] You are really set on wearing your mother's dress

[00:04:45] He should have been there for you and defended you and when he didn't he clearly shows you what kind of person he is

[00:04:52] OPCs thank you. I think I really needed to hear this

[00:04:55] It's just so reassuring to know because I really felt like I was in the wrong for the past few days

[00:05:01] And all I can do on this one is agree with a comments and that this is a glimpse of your future

[00:05:06] Where he spoke to you the way he's demanding that you wear this dress and not defending you against his family

[00:05:13] This is your future if you carry on. I also feel maybe he was a part of this and didn't like your mother's dress for whatever reason

[00:05:21] And you know it was getting the sister involved to hand down her dress so so you'll have a more modern one

[00:05:27] But obviously I can't guarantee that

[00:05:29] It just popped in the old noggin as I was thinking about it

[00:05:33] But OPC did come in to update the post and said hi everyone. I just wanted to start off by saying thank you to everyone in the comments supporting me

[00:05:40] And all of the private messages reaching out

[00:05:43] I haven't got to all of them but I'll try to whenever I can

[00:05:46] I really didn't expect so many people to see my post, but I just want to make it clear how grateful I am

[00:05:52] I know I'm a jerk you told me to leave him and I took some time to think about it

[00:05:56] But I know I can't leave without a proper conversation

[00:05:59] At the end of the day I spent six years with this man and this behavior was honestly out of the ordinary

[00:06:05] I agree with a lot of the comments saying that his family was influencing him because he used to be so caring and kind

[00:06:12] But ever since the wedding planning began, he changed

[00:06:14] Since the dinner on Sunday, there's a mental talking to me at all and always leaves the room whenever I come in

[00:06:21] Is honestly immature behavior and all of your comments have made me rethink my whole relationship

[00:06:26] I did end up making him sit down with me a few hours ago to talk about things and have an adult conversation

[00:06:32] It was very dismissive and was just scrolling on his phone for the majority of the time

[00:06:37] I tried to explain how I felt put on the spot at the dinner

[00:06:40] How his reaction and the fact that he didn't come after me or comfort me posted dinner was so hurtful and disrespectful

[00:06:47] All he had to say in response was that I was being selfish and that my sister-in-law was trying to help

[00:06:53] I just embarrassed her in front of everyone

[00:06:56] The conversation honestly went nowhere and I felt really shitty and lost

[00:07:01] Around an hour ago, he came up to me and apologize saying he was sorry that he understood how I was feeling

[00:07:07] I asked what we would do about the dress and he told me that he had talked to sister-in-law

[00:07:11] And she had agreed to let me wear my mother's dress during the reception

[00:07:15] But I would wear her dress during the main ceremony

[00:07:18] I'd met a kind of lost it because he said it as if I needed permission to wear my wedding dress on my wedding day

[00:07:25] I haven't felt so disrespected in my life

[00:07:28] I've just been sitting inside our bedroom and I'm pretty sure things are over after this

[00:07:33] Edit, I wanted to admit my mother's dress is slightly old version

[00:07:37] I had talked to him before we got engaged and that was my dream to wear it

[00:07:41] Which he had no problems with

[00:07:43] The fact that he didn't respect how sentimental it was to me is what hurt

[00:07:47] Also during our second conversation, he kept bringing up how his family was paying for a majority of the wedding

[00:07:53] Which yes, they were paying about 75% of it

[00:07:56] I tried to remind him that it was my wedding too

[00:08:00] Edit too? Yes, I'm leaving him for sure now

[00:08:03] I really don't appreciate the comments calling me bad names for staying

[00:08:07] I never intended to stay and the only reason I thought we needed a conversation was because this behavior was recent

[00:08:13] I wanted to understand what was going on

[00:08:15] I haven't told him that it was over officially

[00:08:17] Though it should be obvious

[00:08:19] Yet mainly because on scared might do something violent as many comments said

[00:08:23] I need a few days to figure things out and I'm going to tell my brother to pick me up so I can stay there for a few days

[00:08:29] I'm logging off from now but our date if anything happens

[00:08:33] So the top comments after that one election sad said girl that was not an apology

[00:08:38] He just told you his family pay 75% of the expenses so you better wear the sister in those dress

[00:08:44] This is the type of husband that would be dismissive and chooses family over his wife

[00:08:49] I'm in perspective says she will not be able to choose the name of her children

[00:08:53] She will not be able to choose the type of clothes they will wear when they visit us on in his house

[00:08:57] They will criticize everything and everything that OP does or does not do

[00:09:02] Does this wrong? This is just the beginning

[00:09:05] The road says the apology wasn't real if you marry him

[00:09:09] They go back to being who he's been since the wedding planning started

[00:09:13] He thinks he's trapped you. He's starting being his real self

[00:09:16] Run

[00:09:18] Arun Gregg says I was about to post this and you beat me to it

[00:09:21] Yep, he thinks you're not going to cancel on him now

[00:09:24] It's all reserved in the possessor but down

[00:09:27] He had feel so guilty about his parents losing money blah blah blah

[00:09:30] So he doesn't have to pretend to be super caring and loving anymore

[00:09:34] He's done

[00:09:34] You won't do anything terrible until after the marriage is official

[00:09:38] But he's not ever going to be that sweet and nice guy again

[00:09:41] Unless he thinks you're going to leave him

[00:09:43] Then he'll fake nice until you change your mind

[00:09:47] Can you imagine like from the sister-in-law's perspective?

[00:09:51] Have in that kind of attitude that you must wear my dress

[00:09:55] I've gifted it you and you must do this

[00:09:58] This is why it drives me towards the reasoning that maybe

[00:10:02] OP's fiance

[00:10:03] Doesn't like the dress and therefore got a sister-in-law

[00:10:07] To give this dress to guilt her into wearing it so he can basically get what he wants

[00:10:13] Again, I don't know the full-in synapse, but that's what it reads like to me

[00:10:17] But I totally agree with all the comments that get yourself out of this situation now

[00:10:22] Do it it into a safe way as possible like you said getting your brother involved having someone with you all the time

[00:10:28] Having conversations in open places if you have to

[00:10:32] But what do you guys make of this situation?

[00:10:35] Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story

[00:10:43] Can you imagine that you are a pretty fast girl

[00:10:47] She's a girl who has a coffee and says a flick

[00:10:50] No panic, a personal disc with her craft-formal side dishes themselves

[00:10:56] The hard-nackees are flaking for deep rain

[00:10:59] Just the disc in the dream and the rest

[00:11:02] That's why you have a washing machine

[00:11:04] Because you always have your best skills

[00:11:06] Try the best discs from a dog

[00:11:08] And you can find them out of the way

[00:11:14] Now our next story comes from the relationship advice, so I read it from a throwware count

[00:11:18] who says, what do I do first? My 29 female boyfriend 37 male dropped on me that he wants

[00:11:25] kid after almost two years and I'm realising I have to go. My boyfriend and I moved in together

[00:11:31] about a year ago. I've been very clear from the second date but we ever went on that I don't

[00:11:37] want biological kids. I've discussed it at length with him and until about two and a half weeks

[00:11:42] ago I thought we were on the same page. He told me he didn't think he could do another 18 years

[00:11:48] of childrearing as he already has a 10 year old daughter. He just moved in with us in January.

[00:11:55] He bought a house, we got a dog together and I was planning for an entire life with he and his daughter.

[00:12:00] Originally he told me he bought the house so that his daughter would have a bedroom. He told me the other

[00:12:05] night his entire purpose in marrying me was to have a child. It used to me and at the whole

[00:12:10] reason he brought the new house so we could build towards having an actual family, minimizing the

[00:12:15] one that we already have. I've been crying in secret for two weeks. I finally accepted yesterday

[00:12:22] that I probably can't stand this relationship. I wanted marriage and he's telling me that

[00:12:27] marriages are neatly tied to having a child with him. I can't compromise that part of myself

[00:12:32] but I'm also trying not to spiral. My car broke down unexpectedly yesterday. It's raining oil

[00:12:39] out of the bottom and I have no savings. I've been living paycheck to paycheck,

[00:12:43] I've been spending money on our mortgage, all pets on activities with his daughter,

[00:12:48] I'm paying down credit. I have no idea what my next step should even be and the worst part is

[00:12:53] is that I love him so much still. It's such a good person and everything feels so normal.

[00:12:59] Except that he doesn't want to get married anymore and he wants to have a kid and I still don't.

[00:13:04] I'm struggling to see solutions, and I only need to leave but logistically,

[00:13:09] I haven't so much devil-quity figuring this out. Especially trying to sort through my feelings in

[00:13:14] the midst of it. Edit the clarify, I'm not on the mortgage with him. I told him I would not sign

[00:13:19] anything together until we're ever married. I've been contributing to basic cost of living things,

[00:13:25] mortgage payments, bills, groceries, etc because I care about him and thought we're building

[00:13:30] towards a life together. I didn't want him to have to do things alone because I believed we're

[00:13:34] in a partnership. His help support me as well. However, he's also ignored my voice and ways

[00:13:40] I dismissed and I able to see now. I want to say I really appreciate everyone's suggestions

[00:13:45] and support. It is really helpful and meaningful that also validating my decision.

[00:13:51] And the first comment to say is your immediate next step should be to secure your birth control.

[00:13:56] I know you probably don't want to believe that he's a kind of guy who would sabotage

[00:13:59] birth control to get what he wants, but here's the guy who has been lying to about what he wants

[00:14:04] for years. Make sure that whatever birth control you're relying on is not one he can mess with.

[00:14:09] AKA no pills. After that, you need to look towards other forms of security.

[00:14:14] Not spending money on activities with his daughter. Tell him you can't afford that.

[00:14:18] If you can pick up any extra income on the weekends, like by pet sitting, yard work, babysitting,

[00:14:23] chew during or whatever else is available and fit your skills. You got a reason?

[00:14:28] You can point to us why that's necessary. Fixing your car, but it also cuts into time you're

[00:14:32] available to spend with him. Ask around with your friends or coworkers. See if anyone

[00:14:37] is looking for a roommate. You not feel guilty about lying to him about your plan to get out of this

[00:14:42] relationship. He's been lying to you for years about what he wants from this relationship with you

[00:14:47] because he knew. It's not what you want and he wanted to get you sucked in anyway.

[00:14:53] You can't trust him. Have your best interest in mind. The second still says,

[00:14:58] is he keeping you broke? Suttled but that's what they do. You have to pay ex because it's fair

[00:15:04] when you don't want to be a burden right? They have the groceries even though he filled

[00:15:08] the car with stakes and brand names. Can you grab me a case of beer while you're out?

[00:15:13] You should take your daughter out for ex and why. Don't you love her? By this, by that.

[00:15:20] Extra lengthiness says, yeah. So your entire relationship is either been lying or

[00:15:24] just not listening to you. Okay, if you don't want to have a child to cure your birth control

[00:15:29] right now, start planning your exit. Save up your money. You're not having co-sign for a new car.

[00:15:35] Start planning out a life without him. I mean, was it able to plan out your life without him

[00:15:40] taking your thoughts into consideration? Another common disaster. You're at front with him from

[00:15:45] A1. He's been building a life in his head that he has not shared until just now. Yes, this has to end.

[00:15:51] You can love him but don't forget or forgive that you think your means to his dream.

[00:15:56] He does not think of you as a person with agency. Good riddance. Oh, and he put his daughter

[00:16:01] in the middle of this. OP response saying, or accurate. All things have been coming to accept

[00:16:07] over the last few weeks. Thank you for sharing your perspective. And one more comment which says,

[00:16:12] the other side of that happened to me. He was married for 25 years and at the end she had an affair

[00:16:18] with a married guy who had done the same thing to his wife. Kid told him she didn't want kids from

[00:16:23] the beginning. After 18 years, he dropped on her that he did. In fact, one kid. When she said no again

[00:16:30] and again and again, he had an affair with my wife. So we got divorced and they got divorced

[00:16:36] and then wife and a fair panic on married. I'm glossing over it but this was the worst

[00:16:41] was painful year of my life and yet they tried. Except my wife at the time was 46 and I had already

[00:16:48] a three kids with me. I don't know which one of them was Dhamma but after four years of no success,

[00:16:54] duh, he cheated on her and knocked up another woman and left my ex for her.

[00:16:59] The point to telling you is that, yeah, is probably better to let him go. A pressure will build

[00:17:05] and build in him and I'm not saying it cheated at that point but I'm also saying it happened to

[00:17:11] good luck. I'm sorry this happened to you. So OP came in with her update and said so several

[00:17:17] people requested an update. Boy, have I got one for you? I dropped my vehicle at the mechanics on

[00:17:23] Friday and waited until Tuesday to hear anything back. He called me back on Tuesday afternoon

[00:17:29] once I was just off of work to tell me they had diagnosed a problem and it was going to be less than

[00:17:34] $300 to fix it. He told me it would be about a weep before it was done. I began to make arrangements

[00:17:40] with a kind coworker of mine for rise to work and then that evening I got a call from the mechanic again.

[00:17:46] He told me that he had gotten hold of the party needed, replaced it and that my car would be ready

[00:17:51] for pick up that evening. Tuesday night when I got home from this however, my boyfriend and I ended

[00:17:56] up in an extremely intense discussion. During which he once again clarified that it doesn't

[00:18:01] give two shifts about getting married. I only did make as a abundantly clear he actually spent

[00:18:06] about two hours essentially dismissing, minimizing and deflecting the importance of marriage to me.

[00:18:12] I kept throwing it in my face that the way I feel about marriage with him is the way he feels

[00:18:16] about kids with me. He said nothing would change if we got married but when I asked why it matters

[00:18:21] so much if nothing would actually change. I wouldn't just get married to me since it's obviously

[00:18:26] important to me. I got no response of any substance, only deflection and patronisation.

[00:18:33] It was honestly devastating and I couldn't do it just as typing it out.

[00:18:38] I spent from 9pm until one in the morning crying and I sob myself to sleep.

[00:18:43] I was no room for denial at that point and because my vehicle had miraculously been fixed,

[00:18:48] had an out. Wednesday I contacted a local landlord who I rented from previously.

[00:18:54] I asked if they had any units available and they did. Within my price range at a flat rate,

[00:18:59] she told me she would call me back and she did and she said I could come in the next day to

[00:19:04] look at it. Which brings us to today. After I got off work I went straight to a landlord's office

[00:19:09] and called the keys to go look at the apartment. It's tiny but it's perfect. I decided to take

[00:19:15] it. I knew that when I got home I had to tell him. He come home after me and when he walked in

[00:19:20] the door I asked if he had any plans made prior that evening and he said no. I didn't want

[00:19:25] to disrupt anything that he had intended to do with the conversation of me moving out.

[00:19:29] But it turned out that he didn't. So we had it. Initiated by telling him I was moving out and

[00:19:35] when he asked why I told him it was clear if my conversation was over the past couple of weeks

[00:19:40] that there have been a lot of unspoken expectations that was effect in our relationship

[00:19:44] and there was no way to gain clarity about those while we were living together.

[00:19:49] In that conversation he told me it invested everything in our relationship and he asked me what I

[00:19:54] invested. He acted as though I had re-rooted him through our entire relationship and told me that

[00:20:00] he was compromising on having children. The one time he asked me for anything, I refused to compromise.

[00:20:07] He guilt trip me again about how easy the having kids with me or he's not going to have

[00:20:11] them at all due to his age. And this is his last chance. He told me he'll never date again if

[00:20:18] our relationship doesn't work. He blamed me for having to explain what is happening to his daughter

[00:20:24] and based on what he said, I don't think he's going to let me say goodbye to her.

[00:20:28] It was a surprise when I told him that I wanted the dog to stay with him. I said I'm doing this

[00:20:33] because marriage and children and relationships don't have a gray area. I don't see a way to bridge

[00:20:38] that gap because we want different things essentially. I said I'm not ending the relationship

[00:20:43] because I don't care about him. His daughter are life the dog. Anything. But I'm doing it because

[00:20:48] I believe this is the right thing to do right now. I even told him I could be wrong but I wasn't

[00:20:53] sure what else to say and he went back to marriage. Not changing anything about the relationship

[00:20:59] and minimizing the value of it. He said he would still essentially be doing everything in the

[00:21:03] relationship and committing to it without marriage. I responded to that by saying, I didn't

[00:21:09] understand how we can make all these commitments and invest so much but the unwilling to fully

[00:21:14] commit through marriage. The final nail in the coffin for me was when he said, if you use marriage

[00:21:19] as an institution, he doesn't need a piece of paper to validate his relationship and that

[00:21:24] he, unlike me, does not brought up in a religious environment of sheep. I led him to believe marriage

[00:21:30] was the make or break of a successful relationship. After that, I cried a lot. I went to get

[00:21:37] some ice cream and I feel better now. I'm going to start moving my stuff into new apartment tomorrow

[00:21:41] and everything worked out at a rapid rate. That tells me I'm on the right track.

[00:21:47] Thanks to the community for the encouragement here. I thought I was going crazy. Then after this

[00:21:52] conversation tonight, I realized that the only time I actually feel crazy is after I talked to him.

[00:21:59] I'm also looking forward to having my own place again. Why? Just for me. I know that I still

[00:22:04] be sad for a while but I also know that I'm going to be okay. So there was some top comments on

[00:22:10] this one as well. Trish said congratulations. You sound excited and realistic about your new life.

[00:22:15] And you made the only decision that you could have. Wow, you really showed his true color

[00:22:20] Sydney. Stunning. Relevant demands as congratulations. You sound like excited about the

[00:22:26] move in your own space. Think you made the right decision. Staying with a meant given up

[00:22:30] a part of yourself and what is important to you. Suffering says wow, I just arrived here and let me

[00:22:36] tell you it's for the best. Who knows what other insane views you might have put up with somewhere

[00:22:41] when you were more dependent on him financially or for support. Example, you get sick or

[00:22:47] pregnant and can't go anywhere else. You definitely got out of there and my view dodged a huge bullet.

[00:22:54] Brassel guy says one time he asked you for something, locking yourself to him forever raising

[00:22:59] children. You say no, that one simple thing. I think that was sarcasm. But anyway, now I'm going

[00:23:06] to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts

[00:23:12] down in the comments below. That's just a huge thank you for the bottom of my heart for getting

[00:23:16] involved in today's stories you'll love, to support your time always means the absolute world.

[00:23:21] And he says thank you so so much for being involved and hopefully I'll see you in the next one.

[00:23:26] Take care. I'm Mike Schlaf.

[00:23:57] Achtung, here comes a good night for all the car drivers.

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