Rolled My Eyes At Husband As He Proposed After 25 Years Of Me Begging r/Relationships

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[00:00:34] Hey, Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well.

[00:00:37] My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories.

[00:00:40] And if you do love a Reddit Story why not consider in a like, subscribe, maybe that notification

[00:00:46] bell too and let's crack on with today's first story.

[00:00:51] Much love guys.

[00:00:52] Now today's first story comes from the Am I the Arsell here subreddit from Throwaway

[00:00:56] Proposal Finn and this is a story that we have covered in the past but it does

[00:01:01] have a new update to it as well.

[00:01:03] So as always if you want to skip certain parts of the story time stamps are always down in

[00:01:07] the description and along the timeline below.

[00:01:11] Thank you now let's get started.

[00:01:13] Yesterday after dinner my 52 female boyfriend for 30 years, 53 male proposed to me.

[00:01:20] He just walked towards me holding a box and said to open it.

[00:01:24] It was a ring.

[00:01:25] I had pictured this moment a million different times but never thought I'd be so apathetic.

[00:01:31] My boyfriend then said that he was retired now and he wants to kick back and enjoy life

[00:01:36] with me and would love to do it all with me as his wife.

[00:01:40] A nice speech and all but from the five year mark of our relationship onwards I'd been

[00:01:45] making clear my deep desire to marry and was consistently dismissed given empty promises

[00:01:51] gas lit.

[00:01:52] We had been through the gamut with therapy and one counselor implied that me telling

[00:01:57] him we needed to go to therapy and getting his butt on the couch still means nothing if

[00:02:02] his mind has been made up.

[00:02:04] I was in denial about the fact that he was just giving me the false illusion of progress

[00:02:08] to store.

[00:02:09] My boyfriend and I have four kids.

[00:02:12] The oldest three are adults while the youngest is 15 female.

[00:02:16] We're sleeping over elsewhere when this all went down.

[00:02:19] All of our kids went to private school filled with typical Southern soccer parents.

[00:02:24] I had to enjoy PTA mom's jabs about me not sharing a last name with my kids.

[00:02:29] Preteen years were held because the older kids would taunt my kids by saying your dad would

[00:02:34] rather sin and go to hell than marry your mom.

[00:02:37] My boyfriend's mom would tell him marriage would be selfish on my part.

[00:02:41] It's just a piece of paper.

[00:02:43] My boyfriend ended up rising the ranks until he became an executive.

[00:02:48] I was a stay at home mom so I felt like there was always a power imbalance exasperated

[00:02:53] by the fact that I could be tossed at any time.

[00:02:55] I partly did stay because I wanted my kids to have the best life and because I felt lucky

[00:03:00] and proud to be partnered with such an intelligent, successful man but also because I loved him.

[00:03:07] These past few years my boyfriend's career has taken a downturn.

[00:03:11] He will never be poor but the company he was a part of took a nosedive during 2020

[00:03:16] and had made enemies out of associates slash board members.

[00:03:20] He decided to step back from his role and take a generous severance agreed upon.

[00:03:24] Now he is living off of investments and wants to relax.

[00:03:28] I did not like how his career ended and how he treated people and had been deciding whether

[00:03:32] I wanted to leave and find somebody else after our youngest turns 18.

[00:03:37] So the proposal was a shock because I should hope that he noticed I have avoided conversations

[00:03:42] about the future as of late.

[00:03:44] He rattles on about downsizing our house so we can travel and also cutting back on

[00:03:49] our other expenses.

[00:03:50] But we are not married so it is all his money slash house anyway.

[00:03:55] He did notice my eye roll and was offended.

[00:03:58] He asked what's wrong and I said that suddenly now that he's downsizing I'm good enough

[00:04:02] to marry.

[00:04:03] He got mad and said that now that he's downsizing and no longer an executive I suddenly think

[00:04:09] our relationship is disrespectful and started implying I was a gold digger.

[00:04:14] I was so angry I walked out and said I might just go out looking for a respectful relationship

[00:04:20] because I don't know what respect is anymore.

[00:04:22] And I, yeah, so.

[00:04:24] But in the comments President Pugs had straight away and you didn't leave earlier because

[00:04:30] Celtic Arch replied to that saying seriously if you start saying that you want to

[00:04:33] get married at year five you dump him if he doesn't show he's going to make

[00:04:37] an effort by the end of year six could be sunk in cost fallacy.

[00:04:41] March Crow says to that she literally addressed this though.

[00:04:44] She wanted a better life for her kids then she wouldn't be able to give them on her

[00:04:48] own since she was a stay at home mum likely didn't have her own money or it was limited

[00:04:53] as a real concern.

[00:04:54] She also mentioned being in the South the safety net of resources down here is rotted

[00:04:58] through and also that she genuinely did love him and enjoyed much of the relationship.

[00:05:03] A big part of what keeps people stuck in dead end relationships is this exact

[00:05:07] reaction the comments section is having.

[00:05:10] Literally every stage of a bad relationship people blame women.

[00:05:14] I get I'll probably get down voted for this but like she did give her reasons and she's

[00:05:19] also not asking about those reasons.

[00:05:22] She's asking if she was an asshole for rolling her eyes and not being about it.

[00:05:26] Obviously not the asshole.

[00:05:27] She feels how she feels now.

[00:05:30] Celtic replied to that saying if she didn't have kids at year five she should have

[00:05:34] left him.

[00:05:35] People don't change after five years of ignoring you no matter how much you love

[00:05:39] them or enjoy the relationship.

[00:05:41] So okay okay replies that and saying if she didn't have a prenup before having kids

[00:05:46] a pre-breg was living with someone who kept demonstrating how little her happiness

[00:05:50] meant to him.

[00:05:51] She shouldn't have had them.

[00:05:53] I mean she shouldn't have had unprotected sex with a guy who didn't want to marry

[00:05:57] her if that's what she needed to be happy unless she lived in a common law state

[00:06:02] and was considered legally married at the time for the purposes of alimony and

[00:06:06] child support or at least unless she was staying with him or getting a degree and

[00:06:10] work experience to support herself and the kids.

[00:06:13] Anything else is fantasy land.

[00:06:15] I wish men and women both had to receive a little booklet and pass a test demonstrating

[00:06:20] basic knowledge of the legal realities of marriage before getting married or before

[00:06:25] not getting married and having kids.

[00:06:27] It's incredibly risky for both partners and says if I can't have sex with you

[00:06:32] I just have it with someone else.

[00:06:34] Famous last words of Prince Charming.

[00:06:36] I feel for this woman but come on she lived and had four kids with an arsehole.

[00:06:42] She's not the arsehole but she is the one who didn't look after her own interests

[00:06:46] or those of her children.

[00:06:49] So a day later after this OP comes in with an update and says at the time of my original

[00:06:53] post my boyfriend and I had not spoken since the engagement fight.

[00:06:57] I've been with him long enough to know that when he goes and closes the bedroom

[00:07:01] door before I get in that's a signal that I should sleep in one of the guest rooms so

[00:07:05] I did that.

[00:07:06] However this morning I broke the ice.

[00:07:08] I told him about how dismissed I felt over the years.

[00:07:11] He also said that we are both in our 50s and his last few years have taught us that

[00:07:16] people at work who kiss the ground you walk on one day can easily turn on you the

[00:07:20] next.

[00:07:21] And true partners in life are valuable and hard to find.

[00:07:25] So I wish he'd treat me like I'm valued.

[00:07:27] Instead he treats me like he thinks prettier better and just as loving is always around

[00:07:32] the corner.

[00:07:33] I apologize for the eye roll but told him that if he wants marriage I want a quick

[00:07:37] committed timeline and genuine happiness from him to be marrying me.

[00:07:41] I don't need a big party.

[00:07:43] He listened to me and finally asked if this was about money slash security.

[00:07:48] He told me that being an executive's girlfriend required things of me.

[00:07:51] But if I wanted to work I could leave.

[00:07:54] He said he doesn't think I'm grateful enough for the position in society I was

[00:07:57] in due to his career.

[00:07:59] But that he's not mad about the eye roll.

[00:08:02] He said he didn't succeed by being that sensitive.

[00:08:05] He went on to say that I was not his prisoner so I can leave at any time.

[00:08:09] But to remember he won't tolerate being made my prisoner either via

[00:08:13] manipulation.

[00:08:15] He said that for what it's worth the engagement ring is mine and that I

[00:08:18] could do whatever I wanted with it.

[00:08:20] He will also not be accused of not providing for his daughter so be

[00:08:23] assured he won't shirk child support.

[00:08:26] But that he felt what I said before was emotional blackmail.

[00:08:30] So he no longer wants to go forward with marrying but says if I'd like to

[00:08:33] travel with him that's fine.

[00:08:36] Him traveling is non-negotiable and so if I wanted to get a job it would

[00:08:40] have to be a remote job.

[00:08:42] It was a sad conversation.

[00:08:43] I spent a few hours alone after that.

[00:08:46] I felt I had nothing to lose.

[00:08:48] So I just asked him if he would support me getting an associate.

[00:08:51] But that most associates for technical careers were in person.

[00:08:55] He then dropped the bombshell that if I wasn't traveling with him he

[00:08:58] wasn't going to go those periods without sex.

[00:09:01] I was astounded by his callousness because he's back to take it or leave it.

[00:09:06] We fought again with me saying we're all feeling the effects of age.

[00:09:10] I've supported him through health issues and if he thinks he can just

[00:09:13] find somebody who has that loyalty I've shown him, he's wrong.

[00:09:17] At this point I'm looking for ways out.

[00:09:19] I can't say I haven't been tempted to say I'll travel with him and try to get a

[00:09:23] remote job but also realise how resentful I am that he continues to

[00:09:27] need to have the power in their relationship.

[00:09:29] I don't think I'll ever know my value truly but something telling me

[00:09:33] there has to be better out there at least in a partner.

[00:09:36] So Quiet Village responded to OP and OP left a bit of an

[00:09:40] update slash comment on that one.

[00:09:41] Quiet Village said yes 25 years it's time to just leave.

[00:09:46] Staying with him is pointless.

[00:09:48] He will need to pay child support but unfortunately since he's loving off

[00:09:51] severance and interest good luck with that.

[00:09:53] He planned everything out just right.

[00:09:56] OP says so last update from me for a while.

[00:09:59] I've decided to start sending in applications from work from home jobs

[00:10:03] such as social media manager, operations assistant and bookkeeper

[00:10:07] as soon as I can get a resume together.

[00:10:09] I have downloaded templates online and I'm looking into displaced

[00:10:12] homemaker programs.

[00:10:14] There are some resume tip websites that are saying they have helped

[00:10:17] homemakers land 60k jobs and I'm going to work hard on my resume.

[00:10:23] I hope that when they see my earnestness in the interview

[00:10:26] they will be moved to take a chance on me instead of saying that a white

[00:10:29] collar job is too much for me to ask for when I'm willing to work hard.

[00:10:33] I feel that after running a household that these operations and

[00:10:36] administration jobs as well as social media management jobs since

[00:10:40] I've done the photography for my family and friends would be within my scope of

[00:10:44] experience. I hope my comments have not come across as spoiled or out of touch.

[00:10:48] I apologize if that has offended anyone.

[00:10:51] What I was trying to say is that I want to be able to rent a studio slash one

[00:10:54] bedroom in a semi-safe neighborhood.

[00:10:57] I've heard that new grads are able to make 45 to 50k a year

[00:11:01] semi remote in business administration or marketing

[00:11:04] then hit 70 to 80k in around five years

[00:11:07] and I hope that if I show my intent to get a certification in those fields

[00:11:10] that employers would give me this opportunity for me to rise up the ranks.

[00:11:15] I just need somebody to take a chance on me and let me prove that I'm a hard

[00:11:19] worker. I'm not above applying to the big box

[00:11:22] retailers and such but the people who work there seem to all be teens or

[00:11:26] else adults with dubious criminal pasts so for the sake of my safety as

[00:11:30] well as the promotion opportunities available with these desk jobs

[00:11:33] I'd like to explore all my options. I will not sell the ring as of right now

[00:11:38] out of respect for my partner however if you show me any more displays of

[00:11:42] disrespect I will sell the ring. I will however do everything I can to

[00:11:46] prevent myself from falling into poverty and if that means seeing a lawyer

[00:11:50] I will do so then in my opinion new grads

[00:11:53] don't have that much more experience and much less invested in their job

[00:11:57] they can pack up and leave at any time I feel I'd be a more reliable

[00:12:01] hire and there were some comments on the back of that one saying you know

[00:12:05] OP is pretty deluded if they think they're gonna land one of those jobs in this

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[00:13:00] comedy ad free that's amazon.com slash comedy ad free to catch up on the

[00:13:05] latest episodes without the ads. A month later OP comes in with another

[00:13:12] update and says it's been over a month since I last posted and my life has

[00:13:15] changed drastically. For those who didn't see my previous posts

[00:13:19] my boyfriend of 30 years proposed after I'd begged him for 25 years

[00:13:22] and had rolled my eyes because it took 25 years and him not being an

[00:13:26] executive anymore. In response he retracted the

[00:13:29] proposal. I really wish this update could have been

[00:13:32] positive but I'm not doing well. But what remains is hope.

[00:13:37] Open the kindness of others, my grown kids, employers, cause,

[00:13:41] even my kid's dad. Open the value of love that I've given so freely to my

[00:13:45] kid's dad because I was raised to believe even

[00:13:48] those who don't appreciate the love I've given them will eventually

[00:13:51] self-actualize and pay it back. Here's what has happened since.

[00:13:56] Since my kid's dad accused me of trying to keep him an emotional prisoner

[00:13:59] I tried to show him I valued his freedom. I gave him his space and showed that

[00:14:04] I could live life without trapping him. I started doing that right after our

[00:14:08] discussion. His reaction was anger. After our talk he

[00:14:13] started glaring and picking fights over everything.

[00:14:16] The speed at which I did housework, my spending within his allowance

[00:14:20] and cut it to nearly zero. I asked for the ring back during an

[00:14:23] argument. I took the comments to my poster heart.

[00:14:27] In particular advice telling me that if badgered I should refuse to leave the

[00:14:31] house. Just a few days after our conversation

[00:14:33] about the engagement he picked a fight and accused me of ignoring him.

[00:14:37] He said he wanted me out. I said no, I deserve to be here.

[00:14:42] He responded by having a lawyer send me notice telling me to vacate that day.

[00:14:46] That happened so quickly I was too shocked to react.

[00:14:50] My kids were torn between dad's bluffing and try to leave.

[00:14:54] But now he's filed to evict. He's up to the courts now.

[00:14:58] I tried looking for legal aid but the person I talked to was cold

[00:15:01] and implied that my status as a mom and partner won't protect me from eviction.

[00:15:07] I've tried sending out applications for office jobs. I was told by friends to

[00:15:10] be kind to myself because if one rejection comes

[00:15:13] something better will be along. My adult kids suggested I apply for snap,

[00:15:18] food stamps and I haven't out of shame. They said if I do and dad and I no longer

[00:15:23] live together the government will help me collect child support.

[00:15:27] My grown kids said they can't risk upsetting dad.

[00:15:30] My oldest told me the gas station was hiring night shift

[00:15:34] and tried to help me once he graduated. Just when I decided

[00:15:38] to just be grateful for the job they rejected me after an interview where

[00:15:42] I feel I spoke well. That hurt. But I keep having hope because

[00:15:47] every day there are new remote and non-remote jobs posted saying they're

[00:15:50] trained the right candidate. I'm applying to every corporation it seems

[00:15:55] with hope that one of them will take the chance on me. Give me an interview

[00:15:59] that I will ace. See me for somebody pulling herself up.

[00:16:03] I know my boyfriend wants me to beg but I don't know if that would

[00:16:07] make him drop the suit. I just don't know anymore.

[00:16:10] I am in my corner of the house trying to keep things normal and applying

[00:16:13] like as a job. I don't know what else to say

[00:16:16] but that ends my update for now. I maintain hope and dignity.

[00:16:20] And we do have an update to this in a second but Uncle Nedd is dead says

[00:16:24] Arkanzas doesn't recognize common law. OP's boyfriend knew how to ensure she

[00:16:28] was a position of no power and at every opportunity

[00:16:32] OP kept making the wrong decision. Severink says I actually read the

[00:16:36] original post before the update and I actually told OP that she had to be

[00:16:40] very careful of what she did next because she had almost no leverage

[00:16:44] nor did she have any power as far as ownership of anything that was major in

[00:16:48] the relationship. Of course everyone else was telling OP to

[00:16:51] just leave or give the guy an ultimatum and I couldn't understand

[00:16:55] why they'd so glibly give a stranger that advice without having any

[00:16:58] understanding of the situation except OP's post.

[00:17:02] The sassiest pandas says yeah I think a lot of redditors are young and

[00:17:05] don't have the life experience to give out half the advice they

[00:17:09] really dispense. I read her post and died inside for

[00:17:12] every turn. She kept making wrong turns and

[00:17:15] now look at the mess she's in. Life isn't a rom-com.

[00:17:19] Actions have some real ugly consequences. No Jedi response saying I mean I'm 21 but

[00:17:25] rolling your eyes was the worst thing she did to herself.

[00:17:28] Even worse than staying with him for 25 years without a ring.

[00:17:32] I keep replying to this but this woman sounds extremely delusional.

[00:17:36] She has no degree, no experience, no money

[00:17:39] and nothing on her name yet she is very picky with her job applications.

[00:17:43] She thinks hiring people should see her as a human instead of data

[00:17:47] and she thinks she can marry someone rich. She didn't need any advice to screw

[00:17:51] herself over. She is very well capable of doing it herself and

[00:17:55] she doesn't even understand the position she is in right now.

[00:17:57] And a comment which OP responds to from the 94th EU says

[00:18:02] Amazon will literally hire anyone. That's not a dig at you by the way

[00:18:06] so if you need a job and don't mind warehouse work and can get there

[00:18:09] you just have to pass a drug test. I've had some terrible worker and

[00:18:13] interview friends apply and get the job. Plenty of warehouse workers are like 50

[00:18:17] plus so even age isn't a problem. I don't know how old you are just covering grounds.

[00:18:21] I think starting pay was like 17 to 19 dollars an hour depending on where you're at.

[00:18:26] I'm assuming that's more than a gas station. I could be wrong though.

[00:18:30] I haven't applied to a gas station job before wishing you all the luck.

[00:18:34] OP says I just think for me to be committed as something I need to be passionate about it

[00:18:40] and it would likely be in a marketing field. At this time I just don't think it would be

[00:18:43] a good fit for my needs and where I want to go from here. I've applied to around 100 marketing

[00:18:48] jobs for big corporations and small ones as well as remote. Ideally I'd like a remote

[00:18:54] position since I work better when I'm comfortable in my setting.

[00:18:58] In JES reply set saying you're not qualified you need to prepare to work to survive.

[00:19:04] Thinking you should be remote and too good for physical labor isn't going to help you get a job.

[00:19:08] Seriously you need a job. OP says I have been applying for jobs where I will be making six

[00:19:15] figures in a few years. I just need one person to see me as a human rather than sheet of paper

[00:19:20] and data point. And one more comment from Starcats and me replies to OP saying I'm an attorney

[00:19:26] and it took me a lot more than a few years to hit six figures. If you have no degree and no

[00:19:31] experience you're applying to the wrong jobs. So around five weeks later after this one OP comes

[00:19:38] in with another update and says inconscionable has happened a judge is letting my ex-boyfriend

[00:19:43] evict me. A judge who is supposed to uphold the laws of fairness, morality and for years I

[00:19:48] assume kindness found in favor of my ex-boyfriend. My head is spinning. I have not found a job

[00:19:55] yet and I did everything right. I applied to hundreds upon hundreds of marketing jobs online.

[00:20:00] I've gotten three responses but those responses asked me to download communication apps

[00:20:05] to do the interview and their instructions are so hard to understand. I didn't do well with

[00:20:10] non-concrete directions so I got too aggravated to respond. However at this point I'm desperate

[00:20:16] enough to interview even there. I've taken the advice to apply to non-marketing jobs.

[00:20:21] My older daughter wrote me a resume for an office assistant job. For a church that only

[00:20:26] offered 8-10 hours a week at $2 over minimum wage. I got called for interview and the pastor

[00:20:33] of all people seemed disappointed after seeing me and greeted me with a different tone than he

[00:20:37] greeted the next applicant who came in. A woman in her mid 20s. Probable behavior from a mid 30s man

[00:20:44] even called me mom in the apprehensive tone. I did not get the job but I feel bad for whoever

[00:20:50] does. I only have a few days before a sheriff arrives. I called my kids for help. My legal

[00:20:56] aid attorney predicted I'd only get visitation until I have a stable place and child support would

[00:21:01] likely be enough to only partially pay for motel living so I needed to quickly get a job.

[00:21:07] How can the world treat a mom like this? My adult kids arranged to meet me and told me

[00:21:12] there's a reason even their grandma called my ex an alley cat. They offered to sneak food from

[00:21:17] dining halls when I visited and let me close for interviews. That said their dad laid down the

[00:21:22] law with regards to sending money and that it's not my fault but at some point the shows of fickle

[00:21:28] affection they've seen during their childhood where they face bullying and watch people like me

[00:21:33] who are kind be scorned. And in all that instability accomplishments and money

[00:21:38] were the only constants and that has made them emotionally apathetic. That it's hard to

[00:21:44] fix because it goes hand in hand with the overreactive having sense of self-preservation they've acquired.

[00:21:49] They blame it on watching how self-preservation got their dad far and the lack of it crushed others.

[00:21:55] I was able to sell the few things that my ex did not bother to claw away from me.

[00:22:00] I have enough to book a room at a hotel for about a week but then I don't know.

[00:22:04] I asked my newly 16 year old if she'd want to stay with me when I get a motel room.

[00:22:09] She started crying and begging her dad to let me stay. I will fight for custody with every ounce of

[00:22:15] strength they have but I'm guessing her siblings are telling her to enlist self-preservation

[00:22:19] and stay with their dad. I understand that I do but she still needs her mum. I'm in contact

[00:22:25] with the shelter. Hopefully I can find someone who will fight for me to get housing but I don't

[00:22:30] know what my future holds. And I think it's fair to say that the majority of the comments

[00:22:36] after this one was just saying there is just so much delusion within one post and you know it's

[00:22:43] just incredibly sad at the same time. And a lot of people praying that this isn't real of course but

[00:22:51] what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:22:58] Now just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's stories.

[00:23:02] Your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me so thank you so so much

[00:23:07] and hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.

[00:23:35] Hey,

[00:23:47] have a catch of self-eating the same flavorless dinner three days in a row? Dreaming of something

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[00:23:58] Let's wake up those taste buds with hot juicy pecan crusted chicken or garlic butter shrimp

[00:24:03] scampi. Hello Fresh. Stop dreaming of all the delicious possibilities and dig in at hellofresh.com.

[00:24:13] Let's get this dinner party started.