Overheard My Fiancee Saying "I'm Not Exciting" So I Want To Call Off The Engagement r/Relationships

[00:00:03] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:20] Now today's first story comes from the Am I The Asshole Here subreddit from ObligationSerious764 and says, would I be the asshole for calling off my engagement after my fiancee basically said, I'm not exciting.

[00:00:34] I, 29 male, know this may sound like a huge overreaction on my part, but my head has been ringing ever since this happened. I've been engaged to my fiancee, 28 female for a few months now. We had dated for just shy of two years prior to that.

[00:00:49] It would be cliche to say everything was going great, but for the most part it was good. My family really took a liking to her, which was also really great. Now I've never been one to think too much about how I'm viewed as a partner, but all of that changed recently. I basically overheard her on the phone telling her friend that if she wants to find the one, excitement isn't important. She basically said that me, the OP, isn't exciting, but he makes me feel like that.

[00:01:19] I feel safe. And that's when I realized I want to settle down with him. This hit me kind of hard. Reddit. I've read these types of posts before, you know, the whole, she goes for bad boys then settles with a safe schmuck type of thing. But I don't think that's what she meant. So the day after I just straight up told her that I overheard her talking about me and I don't understand what she meant by not finding me exciting.

[00:01:49] I honestly felt very hurt. Maybe my ego is fragile. I don't know, but it was a surprise to me because I felt like the way I see myself in my head was colliding with how she sees me and it made me feel spaced out.

[00:02:02] I asked her what she means by not finding me exciting and she didn't seem to know how to even answer. She could see I was upset and as pathetic as this sounds, I've made an excuse to leave and said we'll talk about it later.

[00:02:17] Ever since then, my head has been spinning. I ride motorcycles. I have tattoos. I go to the gym. I do MMA as a hobby. So how is it that I'm not the exciting guy?

[00:02:29] I've always seen myself as being that exciting guy. My ex was basically obsessed with me and constantly made it clear she found me exciting.

[00:02:37] But my now fiance doesn't see me as exciting for whatever reason. I was honestly shocked because I felt my sense of self kind of crumble.

[00:02:46] And what made it worse is I am excited by her. When I see her, I want to rip her clothes off. I want to do things. I think about her.

[00:02:53] But she seemingly doesn't see me the same way at all. As crazy as this sounds, I've considered calling off the engagement entirely. Am I being crazy here?

[00:03:05] Now personally, I found this one a bit weird because of the use of the word exciting. I don't think I've ever called anyone that I can think of exciting before.

[00:03:15] Or I usually associate that with something you're doing. You know, like I enjoy going bodyboarding or something of that nature. Going on a fair ride. I call that sort of stuff exciting.

[00:03:26] But I also don't blame Opie at the same time overhearing a conversation where they're overhearing that they're not something that which they might consider themselves to be.

[00:03:35] If that makes sense. My head's going around in circles here.

[00:03:38] But from what I can read out of this, she does love you and she sees you as like a safe person if that makes sense.

[00:03:46] I'm just trying to get past this word exciting within this story. I find it quite strange.

[00:03:51] So maybe just open up to her and ask, what did you mean that you don't find me exciting?

[00:03:56] What does she consider exciting in a person?

[00:03:59] But rather than act on it immediately and call off your engagement, etc.

[00:04:02] I'd sit down and have this heart to heart with her and find out what she means.

[00:04:06] But anime Theo says, not the arsehole for having feelings, but I would explore it with her.

[00:04:11] A long-term partner tends to be a stable partner.

[00:04:15] Life is at times a rollercoaster, but it shouldn't always be high stakes action.

[00:04:19] I'm not sure what she defines as exciting, but explore that with her.

[00:04:23] It sounds like she loves you and feels safe and that is what a partner should be.

[00:04:27] Home.

[00:04:28] I'd suggest even premarital counseling so you can navigate this with someone whom is neutral and can help guide the situation.

[00:04:36] Cconcert replies her saying, I wouldn't call my person exciting either.

[00:04:40] We're active and have fun and do things.

[00:04:42] We're not cliff diving or jumping out of planes, which is how I would define exciting.

[00:04:47] I guess in terms of how OP is defining it.

[00:04:50] But I feel understood and safe and loved unconditionally.

[00:04:55] I'm happy.

[00:04:57] I enjoy and look forward to being together.

[00:04:59] Is looking forward to spending time together exciting?

[00:05:02] In my opinion, yes.

[00:05:04] I agree that they need to explore this more as it's likely a miscommunication on their definition.

[00:05:09] Zaneth says, I know this is a trope, but couples counseling and put a pause on wedding planning.

[00:05:15] This is exactly what couples counseling is for.

[00:05:18] Communication issues.

[00:05:20] Zaneth says, I asked her what she means by not finding me exciting.

[00:05:24] And she didn't seem to know how to even answer.

[00:05:27] Then says, I remember on Reddit, there was a story a while back where basically the poster posted that they didn't love their spouse.

[00:05:34] They were only with them because they were a good provider.

[00:05:37] People in the comments questioned her and it turned out she had this weird and impossible fairy tale idea of what love is supposed to feel like.

[00:05:45] And the more she spoke, the more people were saying, that's what love is.

[00:05:49] You love him.

[00:05:50] Maybe your definition of excitement and hers are different.

[00:05:53] At the moment, you're swimming in your own head with your and only your definition of that word.

[00:05:59] You need to understand her definition.

[00:06:01] You'd be an asshole to yourself if you break this off without trying.

[00:06:04] Don't throw this relationship away until you both agree on the definition of words.

[00:06:09] And I do remember that story that Zaneth is talking about there.

[00:06:14] Fire or water, Kai, says not the asshole for feeling hurt.

[00:06:17] And your partner did you no favors by not answering the question.

[00:06:21] Spiraling is going to lead to the end of the relationship for certain.

[00:06:24] I wouldn't call it off just yet.

[00:06:27] She really needs to explain the whole exciting thing.

[00:06:30] Some women with shitty relationship paths think exciting is toxic behavior.

[00:06:35] Cheating, disrespect, etc.

[00:06:37] Maybe she has kinks.

[00:06:39] Who knows?

[00:06:40] Your view of excitement is probably different.

[00:06:43] Definitely talk before pulling the plug.

[00:06:45] She could have said this all wrong.

[00:06:47] Or if it's the worst, you at least know before you got married.

[00:06:50] And it's easier to break up than divorce.

[00:06:53] And one more comment from Kitty Senpai who says,

[00:06:56] I absolutely adore my husband.

[00:06:57] Completely 100% think he is the best possible match for me.

[00:07:01] Exciting isn't the word I would use to describe him.

[00:07:04] Funny, caring, reliable, considerate, sexy, intelligent, interesting, affectionate, and a plethora of other terms.

[00:07:12] But exciting?

[00:07:12] I don't even think that word was intended to describe a person.

[00:07:16] I was excited when we started dating.

[00:07:18] We occasionally have exciting adventures.

[00:07:20] But I don't think people themselves are exciting.

[00:07:23] So I don't get it.

[00:07:25] And I would say no one's an arsehole here.

[00:07:27] But you're probably overreacting big time.

[00:07:31] So then OP came in with their update and said,

[00:07:35] The last few days have been a rollercoaster of emotions.

[00:07:38] There are a lot of interesting perspectives from both male and female posters.

[00:07:42] It seems that the female posters said that being seen as safe is a really great compliment.

[00:07:48] Whereas the male posters said I should run for the hills.

[00:07:51] Certainly an intriguing insight into how men and women see things differently.

[00:07:56] So I ended up talking to my fiancé about what she meant.

[00:07:59] She seemed really nervous and knew that she had upset me.

[00:08:02] I have to admit, I was quite nervous too.

[00:08:05] It's not easy when your sense of self has crumbled.

[00:08:08] Learning that you aren't seen in the way that you think you are is a very tough feeling.

[00:08:12] I can't describe it, but it made me really feel fragile.

[00:08:16] In the truest sense of the word.

[00:08:18] I started by telling her that I was really upset about her comment because frankly,

[00:08:22] I'd always thought I was that exciting guy to her.

[00:08:25] I told her that in my mind, I was the guy who makes her heart skip a beat.

[00:08:30] So I had to brace myself and ask again what she meant when she said I wasn't exciting.

[00:08:35] She looked like she wanted to cry because I guess she could sense I was also upset.

[00:08:39] She said that she didn't want to hurt my feelings but that I make her feel very safe and secure.

[00:08:45] And that with me, I'm not exciting in the sense that I don't give her thrills like her exes used to.

[00:08:50] Ouch.

[00:08:52] Man, that hurt.

[00:08:54] But I was still confused.

[00:08:56] She was being really vague and not really clear in what she meant.

[00:09:00] I had to ask again what she meant by thrills and she just began crying and apologizing.

[00:09:05] She tried to hug me but again, I walked out.

[00:09:09] I seem to do this when things get emotional.

[00:09:12] So I decided to take some shrooms and spend the day outside at a nearby lake.

[00:09:18] This helped me clear my mind and come to some devastating realizations about myself.

[00:09:23] I think what I realized was that I was lying to myself.

[00:09:27] Another commenter said it, which I didn't want to admit.

[00:09:30] Which is I'm more into her than she is into me.

[00:09:33] I didn't disclose this on my first thread but she never initiates sex.

[00:09:38] I don't think she's done that once.

[00:09:40] With my exes, they always initiated with me.

[00:09:43] You see, my fiancé is beautiful to the point where I wonder how I landed her.

[00:09:48] But you see, that was the issue.

[00:09:50] Because I was so attracted to her, I wanted her approval.

[00:09:54] I know that sounds pathetic but I was able to overlook red flags such as her lack of initiating sex.

[00:10:00] I thought if I stayed with her, she'd like me the way I like her.

[00:10:04] Now, here's the kicker.

[00:10:06] I thought that if I proposed to her, then over time I could win her over.

[00:10:10] I've been with women who were madly into me and my fiancé just didn't behave like them at all.

[00:10:15] In addition to never initiating, she never complimented me much.

[00:10:20] It was always one-sided.

[00:10:22] A lot of this begs to question, why would she even be with me?

[00:10:25] I think that she saw me as someone who could provide stability.

[00:10:29] And I guess maybe she thought my exterior, tattoos, motorcycles, MMA, craft beer was a facade.

[00:10:36] I mean, maybe she was kind of right.

[00:10:39] Not that I don't enjoy those things.

[00:10:40] I do.

[00:10:41] But I'm able to have that lifestyle because my parents are wealthy doctors.

[00:10:45] Maybe she thought I was cosplaying as a bad boy and that in actuality,

[00:10:49] I am a loaded rich kid who provides stability.

[00:10:51] The other insight I had was that, truth be told, I didn't want to actually get married.

[00:10:57] I'd definitely do one day.

[00:10:58] But I didn't really think it through.

[00:11:01] I thought to myself that if I propose, I will grow accustomized to the idea of getting married.

[00:11:06] But the truth is, I kind of want to continue my lifestyle as it is.

[00:11:10] Which involves riding my motorcycle, fixing muscle cars, traveling across the country,

[00:11:14] going to festivals, etc.

[00:11:16] Do I want to get married one day?

[00:11:18] Of course, but I want to be with a woman who is really crazy about me.

[00:11:22] Someone who compliments me a lot, initiates sex, etc.

[00:11:25] So I ended up talking with her later on and telling her that I want to call things off and end things.

[00:11:31] I won't bore with the details, but yes, she cried a lot.

[00:11:34] Even got angry.

[00:11:35] Said I wasted her time.

[00:11:37] I told her that it wasn't anything she did, but she didn't buy that and kept pressing.

[00:11:42] She told me that I misunderstood her comment.

[00:11:44] But I told her she couldn't even clarify what she thought.

[00:11:48] It ended with me telling her that I have nothing against her, but that I am just not ready for marriage.

[00:11:53] I told her that the lifestyle I want to continue in addition to me not feeling the connection I thought I had with her was why.

[00:11:59] It ended quite predictably, but I think going forward, I'm going to see a therapist to sort my insecurities,

[00:12:05] as well as find someone more compatible with myself.

[00:12:43] Another commenter says,

[00:13:02] I was really baffled when she came out with a line about the exes giving her more thrills.

[00:13:09] I mean, maybe they did, but why would those words come out your mouth then?

[00:13:14] What do you think that's going to achieve?

[00:13:16] It just felt like there was a whole bunch of different ways that you could have cleared up your thoughts and feelings and express them in a way that wasn't hurtful.

[00:13:25] But I guess in some ways it was the best outcome really that gave him some strong realizations were there about what was going on.

[00:13:35] Because, you know, if they did get married or whatever, it could have been really messy.

[00:13:39] Once you're married and tied together, etc.

[00:13:41] And then you have this realization, it wouldn't have been good, would it?

[00:13:45] But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:13:48] What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:13:51] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:13:54] And let's move on to another story.

[00:13:57] And I found a smaller little story from the anti-work subreddit.

[00:14:02] It was, it looked like an interesting title.

[00:14:04] As I said, it's pretty short, but I thought it was quite interesting.

[00:14:07] It's from Shots420 who says,

[00:14:10] The boss lets his workers fight over a piñata filled with money at a Christmas party.

[00:14:16] And said,

[00:14:17] I just got a heads up from my girlfriend that her boss does this every year.

[00:14:22] As her partner, they will expect me to partake and help my girl fill her bags.

[00:14:27] The boss also tries to grab as much money.

[00:14:30] Is this the perverse metaphor I think it is?

[00:14:33] Will I be rolling on the ground fighting my comrades over 50 peso notes?

[00:14:37] The commander said,

[00:14:39] Bring a leaf blower and cause some real chaos.

[00:14:42] Or Ocean 13 that shit and replace the piñata with one filled with office supplies.

[00:14:48] Holy as the lord says,

[00:14:49] Or a shop vac and just suck up all the cash.

[00:14:52] Writer's life says,

[00:14:53] Dunno why, but upon reading this,

[00:14:55] The first image that came to mind was of a king dropping a small bag of coins into an arena

[00:15:00] to watch commoners fight amongst themselves.

[00:15:02] And the king laughing his ass off while muttering,

[00:15:05] Ah, peasants.

[00:15:07] Under his breath.

[00:15:08] A commenter below that one shared a link for something similar.

[00:15:12] And it's like an 800 year old tradition where

[00:15:14] they throw hot pennies into the crowd.

[00:15:17] If you were interested in that,

[00:15:19] search up Tom Scott is the YouTube channel.

[00:15:21] And it's titled,

[00:15:22] This town throws pennies at people.

[00:15:24] They hurt.

[00:15:25] Which is just fucking wild in itself.

[00:15:28] But Opie updated the post and says,

[00:15:30] So just to let you know how this went down.

[00:15:33] There wasn't just money in the piñata,

[00:15:35] but also buttons.

[00:15:37] The person with the most buttons won a big TV.

[00:15:40] In the previous game,

[00:15:42] the winner was allowed to choose a prize from the raffle table.

[00:15:45] The boss won.

[00:15:46] Of course he won.

[00:15:48] Of course the fucking boss wins.

[00:15:50] And went straight for one of the two TVs.

[00:15:53] So comes the piñata.

[00:15:55] People putting hands full of gravel in bags to search it for buttons.

[00:16:00] People selling their buttons for cash.

[00:16:02] Remember last year I got a blue eye.

[00:16:04] Haha.

[00:16:05] Well,

[00:16:06] my girlfriend won the big TV.

[00:16:08] And says she's going to ask if she can swap it for some days off.

[00:16:11] I'm still speechless.

[00:16:13] But I was asked why I think the game is wrong.

[00:16:15] And I don't know how to express myself.

[00:16:18] My girlfriend says it's just a bit of fun.

[00:16:20] And doesn't see what's wrong with it.

[00:16:21] And even feels like I'm attacking her by criticizing the game she played.

[00:16:25] As if I were making them out to be idiots for participating.

[00:16:29] And there's a couple of comments on the back of this as well.

[00:16:32] But I just had a flashback for when I worked in that warehouse environment.

[00:16:35] I've probably mentioned several times here before.

[00:16:39] And one of the people that we used to get loads of stock from in the warehouse was an Italian company.

[00:16:43] And they used to send you know various furniture bits and bobs to us.

[00:16:48] I think our company would give them lots of money over the year.

[00:16:51] So you know buying these supplies.

[00:16:53] So at Christmas time they would send us a big box.

[00:16:56] Almost sometimes a palette of goodies like chocolates.

[00:17:01] You know sometimes like electric shavers.

[00:17:03] All sorts of stuff that would be in this box.

[00:17:05] That would say for your staff members.

[00:17:08] And of course top level management was aware this palette was coming in.

[00:17:11] So they would all be excited about it.

[00:17:13] And soon as it would come in you know.

[00:17:15] We're still unloading stuff from the truck with forklifts and whatever.

[00:17:18] All the top level management would be down there.

[00:17:21] And they would take all the good boxes of stuff.

[00:17:23] And leave all like the chocolate and stuff.

[00:17:26] And sweets in the bottom.

[00:17:27] And that could be passed out among the other staff.

[00:17:30] Whereas all these directors and things would take all the good stuff.

[00:17:32] And I just think you cheeky bastards you know.

[00:17:35] That same company like I can't remember what year it was in as well.

[00:17:39] We'd all recently just been told that there'd be no bonuses this year at all.

[00:17:44] Not that we got very much anyway.

[00:17:46] But it made a difference around you know the holiday season.

[00:17:49] We'd just been told that we'd all been dragged into a meeting to be told that we were getting nothing this year.

[00:17:54] But hopefully things are looking up in the future.

[00:17:56] So obviously the company morale went down pretty quickly after that.

[00:18:00] So what did they do?

[00:18:03] Two days later they bought god knows how many pizzas.

[00:18:07] And a game's afternoon to raise the morale.

[00:18:11] You can imagine what that was like.

[00:18:13] It was awful.

[00:18:14] Not that I don't appreciate pizza.

[00:18:16] Don't get me wrong.

[00:18:17] But it just felt like a kick in the nuts you know.

[00:18:20] But anyway a couple of comments from that one.

[00:18:22] Individual fail said sold cars for a while in college.

[00:18:25] In our sales meetings occasionally the GM or SM would motivate the crew of sales people by throwing a bunch of $1 and a few $5 bills into the crowd.

[00:18:36] There are about 50 sales people and I'm the only woman.

[00:18:40] In the AM shift there were probably about 30 of us there.

[00:18:43] These guys dove, fought, jumped and rolled around on the floor to get a few bucks.

[00:18:48] I had about $6 just land in my lap.

[00:18:51] I did not participate otherwise.

[00:18:53] SM asks me if I liked the money.

[00:18:55] I respond, not enough to degrade myself by rolling around on the floor for $5.

[00:19:00] He was annoyed.

[00:19:02] What an arsehole.

[00:19:04] Jelly says, nobody realizes Squid Game was actually a series of HR training films.

[00:19:10] Stardust says, the dude should watch Squid Game with his girlfriend and explain that the piñata game was basically a scaled down version of the same shit.

[00:19:20] And Cobra misreplaced that saying, on the TV that she won.

[00:19:25] It just feels so awful.

[00:19:28] It was the boss participating in this story as well.

[00:19:31] Trying to grab as much money and winning one of the main prizes.

[00:19:34] I mean, oh fuck's sake man.

[00:19:36] But what do you guys make of this situation?

[00:19:39] Would you have taken part in that?

[00:19:42] Or not?

[00:19:43] Have you ever had anything similar in your workplace?

[00:19:45] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:19:49] Now just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's stories.

[00:19:54] Your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me.

[00:19:58] So thank you so, so much for being involved.

[00:20:00] Truly, it's absolutely amazing.

[00:20:02] And hopefully, I'll see you in the next one.

[00:20:04] Take care and much love.