My Wife Wants Me To Reject My Job Offer As My Ex Works There r/Relationships

[00:00:03] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories And if you do love a Reddit story why not consider in that like subscribe Maybe that notification bell too. Let's crack on with today's first story

[00:00:18] Much love guys now today's first story comes from T.A. co-worker ex from yeah my wrong subreddit It says am I wrong? My wife wants me to reject the job offer because my ex works there I

[00:00:30] 36 male have been having an argument with my wife regarding this issue for the past few days I wanted some neutral opinions especially from married women on what to do in this scenario

[00:00:41] I work in the tech field and our research area is very niche at issues with my current company and started interviewing at different companies At one of the companies I've ran into Abby who I dated 14 years ago

[00:00:55] We dated for three years and I broke up amicably as I wanted to pursue further studies And she wanted me to settle down. I met my wife a year after our breakup And I was still friends with occasional benefits with Abby till then

[00:01:09] I was upfront about the whole situation with my wife And she told me early on during our dating that my friendship with Abby bothers her I love my wife and was serious about us and it was a no-brainer for me to stop hanging out with Abby

[00:01:23] Abby was confused but understood why I did it They have not spoken to each other since then my wife and I have been married for 11 years now and have one super cute toddler

[00:01:35] During the interview process Abby was one of the interviewers and we had a nice professional discussion I received the job offer from that company the very next week I'll be in middle management and Abby would be directly reporting to me

[00:01:48] I've already informed the hiring manager regarding Abby and they seem to have no problems with it I also have two more job offers and I negotiated with all the companies And the first company where Abby works is willing to pay me almost 80k more than the other companies

[00:02:03] However, my wife told me that I promised her that I would not be in touch with Abby many years ago And she's asking me to take the offer from the company who is willing to offer the second most compensation

[00:02:14] The reasoning is it'd be awkward for me to be Abby's manager and since we both work in the same field It is not like I can transfer her to another manager She insists that it's not insecurity, but I made a promise She says that it's finally my choice

[00:02:29] But she does not feel comfortable with me managing Abby and working with her I see her side as what have to travel with my team Including Abby for a few days to do an onsite location at least once a month

[00:02:42] I can see why it would make my wife nervous I personally want to join the company as the compensation is higher and the experience in that company would be very valuable to me

[00:02:52] What I'd be wrong if I decided to go with the first company will offer my family a lot of financial security And would be good for my career. I do not want that taken away because of Abby

[00:03:03] At the same time, I want my wife to be comfortable and not be constantly worried about the situation I will be putting her in I agree 80k is a lot of money and even though your wife says it's not insecurity

[00:03:17] It is but at the same time people get insecure. It happens And you have to ask how do you think your wife is going to react? Do you think it's gonna cause resentment down the line if you take it?

[00:03:27] You might have this 80k, but it also might start to strain your relationship And I think only you can answer that one What will happen if you was to take that job? Will it ruin your relationship? Would that be it?

[00:03:38] Ultimately only you will know how this will affect your family But Zelda pin says I couldn't imagine the drama that will unfold every time to take a work trip

[00:03:47] Take your direct reports to lunch etc all the resentment that you will harbor for feeling forced to make a choice I guess what it comes down to is what has more value to you your relationship

[00:03:58] Already K justified in security or not the job will cause issues in your relationship Blast intention says I don't disagree with your reasoning on the issue The only thing you should be thinking about here is the money worth ruining my marriage

[00:04:12] Think about it. Wife has told you this is a problem for her So you taking this job is going to cause issues in your relationship Every day or every so often your wife is gonna bring this up Resentment from your wife thinking she and her feelings don't matter

[00:04:27] And the resentment you have towards your wife will fester Arguments will happen and you'll both suffer and you know who else will your child Children will see their parents not being happy Oh, is this worth it? Look you did make a promise to not see this woman again

[00:04:43] And I know it's been years but it wasn't a clean breakup. We're friends with benefits before your wife Nagging insecurities or life and marriage are going to creep in while you're away on site with this divorced woman

[00:04:54] I'm not suggesting you will ever cheat or Amy will want it or that your wife is insecure enough to think you will But people are human and to be fair your wife is telling you not to do this That she is not comfortable with this

[00:05:07] If you do this against her wishes and feelings Don't be surprised down the road if your marriage deteriorates beyond repair again. Is this job worth it? Nerd as a verb says is Amy married with kids

[00:05:20] You say the brief interaction was professional, but you don't really know Amy's viewpoints or motives here Your wife is clearly insecure, but she may have a good reason to be insecure I can't tell whether you're full of it or not

[00:05:33] This is factually a great setup for you to cheat I think you really know whether you are being sketchy, but your wife's reaction is well within normal Opie says my wife did all the PI work and found out that Amy is divorced and has no kids

[00:05:47] Was one of the reasons why she was a bit apprehensive about me taking the job too And one final comment from Kamakaze Gorilla who says don't shit where you eat Sounds like you've got a situation unscathed and want to try it again with your marriage on the line

[00:06:01] You're wrong. The money isn't worth it. Even your wife was happy with it Crazy ex could easily ruin your life The OP came in with her update and says I want to give a quick update

[00:06:13] I posted a week ago regarding being confused about a job offer that my wife wanted me to reject because my ex Let's call her Abby would be directly reporting to me

[00:06:22] And there were a lot of you pointed out why this such a bad idea, but I want to be honest here The reason why I wrote the post was to get ideas on how I can convince my wife that I should take the position

[00:06:32] I felt that I have never given my wife a reason to not trust me except one time long story I should not be making important life decisions that benefit my family because of Abby. I've not spoken to him 14 years On Friday evening

[00:06:48] We had a long discussion as my kid was at my sister-in-law's place for a play date As many of you guys pointed out my wife might be insecure with me hanging out with Abby specifically because we were friends with benefits after the breakup I

[00:07:01] Asked her about it and told her to be honest is I would never make a decision without her being 100% on board My wife said that out of all of my ex-girlfriends she felt a bit insecure about her

[00:07:13] The reason was because I did not get a clean breakup with her and had lingering feelings even when I met my wife Context when I met my wife through mutual friends I was still friends with benefits with Abby for a few months after

[00:07:26] However, I cleared things with Abby and broke up for good before I asked my wife on our first date My wife had heard about I was not able to get over Abby before that and only agreed to date me after I told her

[00:07:37] I decided to go no contact with Abby. I Asked my wife if she feels I will be less loyal to her if I'm around Abby My wife and kid are everything to me and I assured her there is no

[00:07:49] Circumstances where I'd even think of stepping out of line to risk that I also assured her that I will maintain professional boundaries with each of my direct reports as I have been doing over the last many years and Abby will be no different

[00:08:02] However, I miss out on this job opportunity because of Abby. I'll always feel like irrespective of what I do My wife does not 100% trust me My wife said that she trusts me 100% Does not want me to feel like I'm doing something wrong

[00:08:16] He says she does not want some Hypothetical scenarios affect the important decisions. I'm making my career and is okay with me except in the offer She asked me to make sure that we set up specific rules about Abby one of them being no communication outside of work

[00:08:31] Maintain only strictly professional communication and always over communicate with my wife about everything about Abby Abby messaged me on Saturday about how it was great to see me during the interview process And I immediately told my wife based on her idea are applied back to her on LinkedIn

[00:08:48] And we'll make sure any of our communication stays there. I Had until Monday to accept the offer Yesterday when I went to my office, I was planning to call the other company during lunchtime However, my manager asked me to come to the meeting room discuss something urgent

[00:09:03] My current company knew that I was entertaining other offers I told them and decided to match the offer from Abby's company It's not exactly the same compensation

[00:09:13] But it is only 20 a less than their offer plus they also assured me that they promote me as soon as I direct the level position Opens up in one of the teams. It was amazing and I called my wife. She was very happy

[00:09:26] Of course, I decided to stay at my current job Overall, I feel happy that I got a big raise in my current place and also know that my wife is not insecure And trust me 100%

[00:09:36] Edit since a lot of people are asking what the one thing was adding it here instead of replying It was stupid years ago. My wife's friend told me we kissed while drunk I did not tell my wife a friend thought I was her husband and apologized a lot

[00:09:51] I told my wife after a few days later out of guilt My wife had seen the whole incident and laughed because I drunk only pushed her away after she tried to kiss me Which I do not remember but that was about it

[00:10:04] She still teases me and a friend about it to this day And someone asks if OP blocked Abby and OP said I have not and neither do I plan to I did not block her 14 years ago And did not contact her once

[00:10:18] She's also not a wacko as everyone is making her out to be and respected my wishes and never messaged me during that time I trust myself to stay away from her without being rude to her

[00:10:28] Just because she's attractive and we had a dating history a long time ago It's not a reason to go out of my way and block her to make her feel bad Or as well the ends were like guess

[00:10:37] I mean it had me a bit nervous when all those comments were saying you know absolutely don't take the job Etc etc but OP was going down that route in the update and especially when Abby

[00:10:50] Immediately started messaging you after the interview was giving me sort of sussy vibes But what about you guys? What do you guys make of this one? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below Let's move on to another story

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[00:12:11] I do want to give you a warning that this talk of ppd and body shaming within the story So if you do want to skip it, please feel free to do so timestamps are always down in the description and along the timeline below Thank you

[00:12:22] The story comes from jellyfish 158 from the mi the arsoul subreddit and says I'm I the arsoul shouting at my husband at a family gathering I 25 female and my 27 male husband had a child three months ago

[00:12:37] But the pregnancy was hard on my body, especially after the delivery of stretch marks all over my stomach And I also got diagnosed with ppd. Well, I'm working on it now and doing better day by day

[00:12:49] But since my delivery, I've been extremely tired taking care of the baby and stuff But since last two weeks I started going to the gym again with my husband

[00:12:58] One thing which urged me was he always made remarks about my stretch marks and I should be somewhat better by now Here we go

[00:13:08] He was talking about my body and how it always turned him off. I kept up with it since I didn't have any mental strength to argue But four days ago when I was feeding the baby again made a remark about my stretch mark

[00:13:22] I don't know what happened inside me, but I shouted back at him and literally berated him about it so much that the baby started crying I took the baby and went to the spare bedroom to sleep

[00:13:32] Well since that day he's been giving me the cold shoulder and we only ever talk when it's about the baby Yesterday we had to go to his mom's house for a family gathering and midway through the night when all the people were present in a single room

[00:13:46] She brought up the topic about my body and my stretch marks And basically said it's not normal that I still have them Must not be doing enough to get rid of them. Well all the people ages 40 plus chimed in my mother-in-law support

[00:14:00] I was so embarrassed and ashamed by this that I left midway But I did shout at them and I left without my husband. I Drove to my sister's home with a baby and living here since yesterday

[00:14:12] Most of our mutual friends specifically guys support him have bombarded me with messages about how I overreacted and it's my fault Oh, so did my husband this morning saying how I'm overreacting and it's nothing and I should just come back etc etc

[00:14:26] I haven't replied to any of them, but I don't have the mental capacity to even think about it But I do think I shouldn't have shouted at them and I was wrong, but I need an outside perspective So I the asshole What a fucking wanker gee whiz

[00:14:45] Yeah, this baby three months ago you've been dealing with PPD and you know dealing with parenthood in itself Of course is extremely difficult as well I need to slap upside the head I mean what what goes through that dome of his that he thinks it's a good idea

[00:15:02] To talk about your stretch marks some people never lose those from what I've read previously And I'm no expert on this is that they just fade and then to say it turns him off That be it That's that's it and the family are just as bad

[00:15:17] And he's clearly been talking about it to his family as well for mother-in-law to suddenly start bringing it up in a room As well with full of other people and them to join in it as well Absolutely disgusting people

[00:15:30] Geez I think I can feel a vein popping out the side of my head I am pissed off for your OP But pure philosopher says not the asshole at all your husband and his family are massive ones

[00:15:41] I'm so sorry they've been so horrible to you those stretch marks of evidence of the nine months You spent growing and carrying his child trying to recover from pregnancy birth PPD and adjusting to the needs of a new baby is no mean feat

[00:15:55] He should be worshipping the ground you walk on not critiquing your body and shaming you for not physically recovering to his shallow standards The fact that he complained to his mother about your body and she raised it in front of everyone just boggles my mind

[00:16:08] In the family absolutely deserved everything you gave them and more Please don't go back to him unless he sincerely apologizes and supports you against these family members and so-called friends But even if he does apologize well his attitude really truly changed

[00:16:25] She said that the stretch marks turn him off. What if they wasn't to fade for OP? I'm not sure I'd be able to trust him anymore from what he's already said But lost or doubt says not the asshole you gave birth three months ago

[00:16:37] It takes two months six to eight weeks just to recover physically Why does he think you're magically going to look exactly the same as for the stretch marks comments? Those also aren't just going to disappear. You didn't yell at him in front of his family

[00:16:51] You're rightfully told off everyone in the room that making horrible comments about something that is none of their business Your friends telling you that you overreacting should not be your friends Stay with your sister until you get a genuine apology

[00:17:04] And one final comment from raccoon key who says not the asshole as a matter of fact You should tell all those mutual so-called friends to go fuck themselves and tell your mother-in-law to mind your own damn business

[00:17:15] Exactly like that your husband and I'm going to keep it real with you here There's a total waste of space in a waste of your time You just had a baby and he's acting like an total

[00:17:25] Unmitigated asshole if you want to be criticized by this arse in his arse all tribe the whole marriage by all means stay with him By the way, he's talking your private business with mummy dearest This jerk is going to make you miserable. You can do much better

[00:17:42] Opie updates their posts and says few things I should have mentioned in my last post But I didn't not all people were against me many supported me my fault not mentioning it

[00:17:52] Also, this happens a lot in Asian families and honestly I was surprised it's so rare everywhere else long Well, I found how my mother-in-law came to know about my stretch marks

[00:18:02] My husband casually mentioned it in a chatty head with her and it turns out she barely has any stretch marks on her Superior genetics, I guess and surprise surprise for some reason

[00:18:12] She hates me and she tried to turn my husband against me by telling him that that's not normal I must be doing something wrong that it can be harmful for the baby What your da city I guess it worked

[00:18:24] My husband also started doubting and pestering me about it I had a long chat with my husband about it and he's agreed to try and work things out starting with marriage counseling as many of you Suggested I also twisted his arm to go to individual therapy

[00:18:38] We're still living separately and to make things clear. He's never abused me before this incident Oh, thank you to all I realized how condescending his family was towards me subtly He has agreed to go no contact with them won't be allowing them to visit the baby

[00:18:53] I've told him that things don't work out divorce is still very much an option for me So I hope it doesn't get to it Anyway, thank you all for your advice It helped me so much and I hope it works out for me

[00:19:05] And one comment which says good for you for standing your ground stretch marks and whether ones get them or not is very Individualistic and I think it's also slightly genetic It's down to how elastic someone's skin is and hormones affect that

[00:19:18] Someone may be super skinny, but their skin stretches well and they never get a single stretch mark Well, you may be slightly more Polluctuous and therefore think that your body may be more forgiving with extra weight

[00:19:29] But get stretch marks really easily present no guarantee not to get them unfortunately There are some things that help them bio oil and some vitamins vitamin E. I think but ultimately they never entirely

[00:19:42] Disappear and your husband is still a huge prick getting mad at you after your body grew and birthed a baby I'm not sure how the update made me feel I wanted to like be happy for Opie and you know, hopefully met and I hope

[00:19:58] Marish counseling works out and he loses these shitty toxic thoughts that's going through his head, but I'm not sure if I believe it From the first post although Opie did confirm it wasn't everyone

[00:20:10] It was other people other friends who was bashing on Opie at the same time getting in contact and you know saying that Husband is right. I know it just made me feel uneasy But what do you guys make of this?

[00:20:25] Situation let me know your thoughts down in the comments below Now just a huge thank you from the bottom my heart for getting involved in today's stories

[00:20:33] You'll love your support your time always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so so much and hopefully I see you in the next one Take care and much love