My Wife Prefers Her Body Pillow Over Me r/Relationships

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now our first story comes from BodyPillowBigFight from the AmITheArsehole subreddit. And it says, AmITheArsehole for arguing with my wife over her preferring to sleep with a body pillow over me?

[00:00:30] So my wife gave birth eight months ago. During her pregnancy, she was having trouble sleeping so I bought her a pregnancy body pillow that was a lot more comfortable for her. However, even after giving birth, she prefers sleeping with a body pillow rather than me. She just says she's used to it and finds it more comfortable to sleep with. Maybe I'm just being dramatic but it feels like she doesn't want to sleep with me. I'm often sleeping near the edge of the bed using a separate blanket and I just feel a lot more lonely.

[00:01:00] I brought this all up with her and she told me that I'm being more of a baby than our newborn. With all of this and just to deal with it. This led to a big fight where we were both yelling at each other. I don't think either of us said anything particularly hurtful, but it's not the norm in our relationship to raise our voices like we did and argue for as long as we did. Outside of this, our relationship is more or less fine.

[00:01:23] I mean, I obviously still love her and I'm sure she still loves me. Basically, am I the asshole for starting an argument over something like this? This is the pillow I bought. Remove the link since people think I'm trying to sell pillows. Opie shared the image and for the podcast users, it's like just like a big U-shaped pillow and you're in the middle of it. Looks like I can't take up about half of the bed maybe.

[00:01:48] Opie said, please click the link before commenting. I think some people have misunderstood what I meant as a body pillow. The one she has is more like two body pillows plus a regular pillow. Some people seem to think that I'm jealous of the pillow. This isn't the case. I don't think she loves a pillow more than me. I would just prefer we sleep together and not with a pillow between us. Edit 2 I didn't think this was relevant, but just so you guys know, we have a nanny that takes care of the child from Sunday to Thursday.

[00:02:16] We both take turns on Friday and Saturday nights and we have to, so it's not like I'm expecting her to do everything. Also, I'm not asking her to cuddle with me all night or let me spoon her or vice versa. I would just like it if there wasn't a pillow between us. Opie added another image which was a diagram they drew and it's like, what in the hell? What in the Microsoft paint? But also does explain how he feels.

[00:02:42] It just basically shows the big U-shaped pillow with her in the middle of it and him cast off to one side of the bed basically. And a final edit which said, clarifying that the body pillow she has isn't just one long pillow. Check out the image link. It's more N-shaped. I think it's less about the pillow and more about the disconnect from his wife. And I think calling him a baby isn't constructive in any way, shape or form. Dude's just expressing his feelings.

[00:03:11] And I personally don't see anything wrong with the pillow itself or however you want to sleep. I think, you know, we see stories about sleeping a lot and normalizing how to sleep in the best way for you should simply be the way. That's it. We all need a good night's sleep, right? I mean, God help anyone that sleeps next to me. I'm like a rotisserie chicken. But it's just about that communication at the end of the day, isn't it? It's totally normal to want that physical closeness to your spouse, your partner.

[00:03:38] And it's absolutely fine for her to want to sleep with her pillow as well. They just need to talk about it with some empathy rather than mocking him. And that's simply it for me. But the first commenter says, you're the arsehole. A body pillow doesn't move around. Roll, breathe in her face. Create intense heat. It's not like she's sleeping with another person. It's a pillow made for sleeping. You're being extremely sensitive. Ask for a compromise. Cuddle for five minutes in bed. Then roll into your own spots and devices.

[00:04:07] Grimlock Lau says, no one's an arsehole here. People have different sleep needs. I hate body warmth and sleep year round with a light blanket. My husband's the opposite. We use our own blankets. He'll cuddle me every so often until I can't take it and then tell him. He gets it. He discussed this with me early on. So I make an effort to snuggle with him a few times a month or more. He appreciates it. I enjoy it until I'm too hot. Tyler Black says, not the arsehole. Your need for intimacy is completely valid and your relationship began with a different

[00:04:37] foundation when it came to bedtime rituals. Some things to consider. Are you still comfortable in your bed? Are there ways to get the affection you need in a different way slash at another time of day? Does she normally call you a baby when you bring up concerns showing vulnerable behavior? Opie says, I mean, I'm comfortable enough to fall asleep, but not as much as I'd like to be if that makes sense. We both work longer hours than normal. So we usually only see each other for dinner and on weekends.

[00:05:04] On weekends, we might cuddle while watching TV or something, which is fine. No, this was just a one time thing, which I kind of understand since she may have also been frustrated over me starting an argument over this. And one more comment, which says, no one's an arsehole here. Jesus fucking Christ, the people on this sub. This guy probably hasn't held his wife before they fell asleep for over a year. At least. All he did was express his feelings about it and you guys are calling him a baby.

[00:05:32] He's not an arsehole for wanting to cuddle his wife. She's not an arsehole for wanting the pillow. No, he's obviously not jealous of a pillow. The fact that anyone commenting here thinks that makes me worry. By the way, why is it okay to berate this guy for expressing how he feels? He didn't hurt anyone. This is healthy, at least healthier than keeping it bottled up. What would you rather have him do? Express his frustration in a healthy way? Or shut up and be resentful of his wife? So OP came in to the post a month later and says,

[00:06:02] so a bit of a weird update since my wife actually saw this thread through a co-worker. To clarify, the co-worker didn't know that it was about my wife. She was just sharing an interesting thread. She texted me asking if I was looking to buy a new bed and I said, yes, without thinking much of it. She then linked me this thread and said we would talk later that night. Not in a bad way. We sat down and she apologized for calling me a baby. And I apologized for starting a fight over something so small.

[00:06:29] She said that she really enjoys the pillow, but we can get rid of it and sleep together instead. I told her this isn't necessary and that I would deal with it, but she insisted. I ordered her a new body pillow that just covers one side of her, that she could put on the opposite side of me, so hopefully everyone can be comfortable. Everything worked out and we've been sleeping together for the past couple of weeks now. The new body pillow came in and is on the opposite side of her.

[00:06:55] She switches between me and the body pillow every now and then, and it's not a big deal. A lot more comfortable to sleep now too. Thanks to everyone who PM'd me giving advice, as well as those giving advice in the comments. I tried to emphasize this as much as I could in the comments, but seriously, my wife and I never fight and this was extremely out of the norm for us. Everything is good now, though we're going to start date nights again on Saturday and it's been going well. Feels more like our relationship when it was just starting out in the honeymoon period kind

[00:07:25] of thing. But yeah, everything's fine now. To be honest, it was always fine. This was just a minor thing that somehow got blown up out of proportion. I barely remember, but I think we'd both just stressed with work that day, so we ended up getting into a silly fight. Seriously, I love my wife, so hopefully no judgment by you guys on the comments she said back then. She's honestly a really good person. I made an update thread a few weeks back, but it was a few days early for the minimum and someone commented on the old thread a few days ago.

[00:07:54] So I remembered to repost the update thread today with a few more updates. Thanks everyone. Edit, if you want to know which pillow it is, send me a PM and I'll send you the link. Just don't want to advertise anything in this thread. Couple of the short top comments on this one. Marriage is all about communication and compromise. Loved reading this update. Another one says, it's amazing how much simple communication can improve a rocky relationship. I settled the toxic relationship my neighbors were in for the better by simply communicating with them.

[00:08:23] And of course, the majority of the comments were just saying they're glad that they was able to talk it out and absolutely right. It just needed a good old bit of cheeky communication to win the day. Absolutely. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Now our next story comes from the Am I the Asshole here subreddit from motherad1658.

[00:08:51] And it says, am I the asshole here for refusing to make my boyfriend dinner? Okay. So here's the deal. I, 26 female, have been with my boyfriend, 28 male, for about two years. We live together. And I'm the one who usually cooks because I enjoy it. And honestly, I'm just better at it. He can boil water sometimes. Lol. Anyway, last night he came home from work and immediately plopped himself on the couch. I asked him how his day was.

[00:09:18] And he just grunted at me like, I'm his roommate or something. Whatever. I let it slide. Then around 7pm he's like, what's for dinner? And I told him I hadn't started cooking yet because I've been busy cleaning the house and doing laundry. He kind of scoffed and said, well, I've been working all day. Can't you just throw something together? And that just rubbed me the wrong way. Like, yes, you work a 9 to 5, but I work too. Freelance, so at home. And I also handled 99% of the housework.

[00:09:49] I told him he could figure out dinner himself. And he got all pouty and said he was too tired and didn't know what to make. I suggested ordering takeout, but he said he didn't want to spend money. Long story short, I stood my ground and didn't cook. He ended up eating cereal and was super passive aggressive the rest of the night. Slamming cupboards and sighing dramatically. This morning he made a snide comment like, yes, I know where I stand now. And now I'm wondering if I was too harsh.

[00:10:18] Like, I get that he's tired, but so am I. I feel like a jerk, but also I'm not his personal chef. Am I the asshole? Oh, absolutely red flag in this situation. You're not his mum and you work yourself and do all the chores. And his, I guess I know where I stand now, just sounds more like guilt tripping than having an actual adult conversation about household responsibilities.

[00:10:45] Like I said, red flags all around. I hope he added their own comment and said, he lived with some college friends before we moved into our apartment. We never really discussed chores before living together, so I don't know if he contributed more when he lived with them or not. Yeeho Miho says,

[00:11:29] Educational War says, I'm living with my man child and he's like this. I had COVID. I honestly thought I was dying for a few days there. He couldn't handle anything on his own. He ate nuggets and kept forgetting to take the dogs out or feed them. I really wanted some soup after not eating for quite a while, and he couldn't heat up a can without boiling it over the stovetop and smoking the house up while I was struggling to breathe. Fuck my life. Get out now before you get any deeper. You're far too young to take on a dependent.

[00:11:58] And I love how your work doesn't seem to count because it's from home. So OP added their update and said, Hey everyone, I wanted to give you an update after reading all the comments. Thank you to everyone who gave advice, even the tough love. After reading all your comments and really thinking about it, I decided I need to have a serious talk with my boyfriend about how I've been feeling. I told him I was overwhelmed from doing almost all the cooking and housework on top of my freelance work,

[00:12:25] and that it wasn't fair for me to carry the bulk of everything just because I work from home. He didn't take it well. He got defensive and said things like, You're making a big deal out of nothing, and I work harder so it makes sense you'd handle the rest. That really hurt because it made me realize he doesn't respect the work I do, whether it's my job or taking care of our apartment. I tried explaining that I didn't mind helping more, but that I wasn't willing to keep doing everything. Instead of meeting me halfway, he doubled down,

[00:12:55] saying he shouldn't have to change anything because he's the one who pays more of the bills. That was the final straw for me. I realized I deserved a partner who sees us as equals and who's willing to put in the effort to make things fair. So I ended things. It's been hard because two years is a long time, but I already feel lighter knowing I'm no longer stuck in a relationship where my contributions aren't valued. Thank you to everyone who gave me the push I needed to stand up for myself.

[00:13:23] I'm sad, but I know this was the right choice for me. And absolutely good on OP for recognizing that they deserve better than that. And of course, it's going to be sad because, you know, two years your time with someone that I'm guessing you're assuming you was going to be spending the rest of your life with at some point is going to hurt. But I think in the long run, it's going to be good for OP at the same time. Like I always say, I always think of it as like a gray cloud around you and you can't see past anything.

[00:13:52] But once you start moving on that gray cloud list, you can see much further ahead and the freedom that you have now, etc. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Let's move on to another story. Now, our next story comes from the Am I the Arsehole subreddit from Telephone Constant 270 and says, Am I the Arsehole for refusing to attend my best friend's wedding after she replaced me as maid of honor because I'm too fat.

[00:14:22] I'm pregnant and asking her to pay me back for everything. I, 27 female, have been best friends with Claire, 28 female, since high school. When she asked me to be a maid of honor, I was thrilled and went all out to make her wedding special. I paid for the bridal shower, bachelorette party, a weekend trip, decorations and other expenses, spending several thousand dollars. While it was a lot of money for my husband and me,

[00:14:49] I wanted to make her big day perfect because she's like family to me. Two months ago, I shared that I'm four months pregnant. Claire congratulated me but started acting distant afterwards. She excluded me from conversations about the wedding and made passive aggressive comments about how hard it is to coordinate when people are distracted. I brushed it off thinking it was wedding stress. A few days ago, she sat me down and told me she didn't want me in the wedding anymore. Her reason?

[00:15:19] I'm getting too fat and she doesn't want me in the pictures. She said she has a specific vision for a wedding and I no longer fit it. I was devastated. I asked if this was about my pregnancy but she insisted it wasn't personal. She said she was replacing me as maid of honor with another friend who fit her aesthetic. I told her if I wasn't in the wedding, I wouldn't attend at all. I also handed her the receipts for everything I'd paid for

[00:15:47] and told her she or her fiance needed to reimburse me since I'd only spent that money as a maid of honor. Claire flipped out calling me selfish and accusing me of trying to ruin her wedding. She said it was tacky to ask for the money back and that expenses like these were my responsibility as maid of honor. I reminded her that she removed me from that role so those expenses were no longer mine. Since then, Claire, her fiance and even her family

[00:16:15] have been spamming me with calls and texts. They're accusing me of being petty and overreacting because of pregnancy hormones. They're also saying I should have just let it go and written off the money because weddings are stressful. Claire didn't mean to hurt me. My husband has been incredibly supportive and says I did the right thing. He's furious at how Claire treated me and agrees that I shouldn't be out thousands of dollars for a wedding I'm not part of. I feel heartbroken and humiliated by someone I thought was my best friend.

[00:16:45] Still, the constant backlash has made me second-guess myself. Am I the arsehole for standing up for myself and asking for reimbursement? Should I have just quietly stepped aside? Absolutely not the arsehole at all. And that's no friend. This story is just Claire revealing who she really is. Quite happy for you to empty your bank account for her perfect day and then tosses you aside like it meant nothing at all. And then the family trying to gaslight OP by blaming pregnancy hormones

[00:17:15] instead of actually acknowledging how cruel and entitled their behavior is, again, is just showing their true colors. A real friend would have been excited to have their pregnant best friend by their side during their wedding day. But once again, this is just not a friend. East B says, sounds to me like she's afraid of being upstaged. Main character syndrome. She also waited till it was close enough to the wedding where the majority of the expensive costs were paid for before releasing OP from her duties.

[00:17:44] You're damn right to ask for that money back. Take her to small claims if you have to. Threaten her with that too. She literally thought she could tell OP she's getting fat. Weird how she uses that term and not pregnant to describe OP. And OP would just roll over and take it without a word. The way her family is behaving proves that they know exactly what she said to OP also. Good for you for standing out for yourself. You are not the arsehole at all. Ducky says, not the arsehole. Glad your husband has your back. Both of you can enjoy some quiet time

[00:18:14] instead of Claire's aesthetic. You shouldn't be at thousands of dollars, but you are now out one friend. Unfortunately, she's picked photos over a friendship. I see no problem asking for reimbursement for the money you spent in a role you got fired from. If need be, file in a small claims court and be petty and do it before the wedding to recoup your money. Pregnancy hormones have nothing to do with this. Of course, you're overreacting because they want you to believe it really isn't a big deal and you should let it go.

[00:18:44] Translation equals, they don't have the funds to repay you. If Claire didn't mean to hurt you, she wouldn't have done what she did and she would apologize profusely. Neither of those happen because she's not really a friend. Just remember, photos first. ETA, since folks are wondering if this can even be taken to small claims court, anybody can sue in small claims court for just about anything. OP may not get her money back, but it sure would be a pain in the arse for the bride. Brainjacker says, when on earth did it become

[00:19:12] other people's responsibility to pay thousands of dollars for someone else's wedding? You shouldn't have dropped that money in the first place, but now at least you don't have to waste any more time thinking this person is your friend. Not the arsehole. Chillingstorm says, not the arsehole and I hope you get your money back. What a selfish, myopic person Claire is regarding this wedding. Her vision has clouded the actual reasoning behind the wedding and reception and that is to celebrate with family and friends the union of two people. It isn't a vision border on movie production.

[00:19:42] It is those we love and care about. Tall, short, fat, thin, wrinkles and pregnancy. All of it. Those are the people who choose to spend their money and time to celebrate the union. If Claire doesn't understand that, then Claire is far too immature to be getting married. Who on her for kicking you out of her Pinterest wedding? She should have cardboard cutouts of those she think fit her vision rather than real life people. And OP was in the comments saying they don't know how she just suddenly changed like that

[00:20:12] and people questioned OP like really think back. You sure you've never seen any of this behavior before? But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? What would you do in it? A lot of people saying that OP probably won't get the money back even if they was to take it to small claims court. It just won't happen. Other people saying, you know, there's a chance. What do you guys make of it? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And just a huge thank you for being here today, getting involved in the stories,

[00:20:42] your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much. And hopefully, I'll see you in the next one. Take care. Have much love.