My Wife Kissed Another Man, I Wasn't Bothered But SHE'S Creating Issues Over It r/Relationships

[00:00:03] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider a like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too, if you're feeling extra cheeky of course. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:22] Now today's first story comes from a throwaway account from the relationship advice subreddit. It's one with eight updates overall at this current moment. So if you have heard parts of this story elsewhere, feel free to use the timestamps below and in the description to skip certain parts of it. Now let's get started.

[00:00:40] It's titled, My 41 Male, Wife 41 Female Kissed Another Man On A Night Out. I Wasn't Bothered And Now She's Causing Issues Over It.

[00:00:52] Sorry if the title doesn't make much sense. I didn't know how to word it. Also on throwaway as I don't want this on my main. Bit of context. We've been together since we were 18. Never had a great sex life after the first year. Maybe once or twice a year at most since then, but at the minute it's going on three years. Although it bothers me, I love her and I love our kids so I'm not going to make a big deal out of it. I know plenty of friends in the same situation.

[00:01:20] Another bit of context is that I've always been mildly overweight. I'd always fit as I played a lot of sports until about 10 years ago when I got really ill and a mixture of meds and comfort eating made me balloon up to nearly 300 pounds.

[00:01:34] Well, two years ago, I decided to do something about it. I'm now around 200 pounds and at six foot two is the lightest I've been as an adult. I've actually enjoyed using weights for the first time in my life, but have a bit of abs and some muscle.

[00:01:48] My wife having always been far hotter is pretty obviously insecure about the fact for the first time we've been together, women are starting to look at me and message me on my baking pages on social media.

[00:02:00] For the record, I've never been looked at another woman in that way.

[00:02:04] On the night in question, my wife went out with some friends, a mix of single and in a relationship.

[00:02:09] She looks stunning and I told her so.

[00:02:12] I even updated my phone home screen to that picture of her.

[00:02:15] Lol.

[00:02:16] One of the friends she was out with messaged me about three months ago and the gist was that she knows I get no sex.

[00:02:22] My wife doesn't realize how lucky she is and basically, do I want to hook up?

[00:02:26] I obviously instantly take a screenshot and send it to my wife.

[00:02:31] Around 4am, my wife gets home and she wakes me up as she gets into bed.

[00:02:35] I'm half awake but can tell something is wrong and ask her what the matter is.

[00:02:39] She doesn't say anything for a few seconds and as I go to grab her hand, she pulls away.

[00:02:45] I ask if she wants me to get her a drink and she says no.

[00:02:48] Then she just blurts it out and says,

[00:02:50] I met a guy tonight, he kissed me.

[00:02:53] I didn't kiss back at first, then I did.

[00:02:55] And for the next half hour, we were dancing and constantly kissing.

[00:02:59] She kept saying sorry and begging me not to leave her.

[00:03:03] My honest first reaction was, so what?

[00:03:05] It's only kissing and dancing.

[00:03:07] I didn't say that, I just hugged her and tried to calm her down.

[00:03:11] An hour or so later, once I got the right words into my head, I said,

[00:03:14] I know you feel really guilty but please don't.

[00:03:17] I'm not going to leave you and break up our family over some kissing and dancing.

[00:03:21] I don't love you any less than I did yesterday.

[00:03:23] And this isn't something that's going to grow and cause resentment.

[00:03:27] More or less right on cue, my phone goes off.

[00:03:30] And it's that friend of hers with a picture and a video of what my wife was doing.

[00:03:34] This set my wife off again.

[00:03:35] But my feelings still haven't changed and a month later, that remains the case.

[00:03:41] In that month since then, my wife has accused me of not loving her because I didn't care.

[00:03:45] She's accused me of kissing other people and more which is why I didn't care as

[00:03:49] I was covering up my own indiscretions as she's accused me of being gay multiple times,

[00:03:54] which doesn't make sense.

[00:03:55] She keeps asking me why I haven't initiated anything with her.

[00:03:59] Though in the past, she's told me she hates being touched and not to ever try it on with her,

[00:04:04] which I have respected.

[00:04:05] She's basically projecting and it's annoying me as it's putting a strain on us,

[00:04:09] which she is 100% causing.

[00:04:12] How do I get through to her that she needs to stop feeling guilty and just move on because

[00:04:16] I have as it's not a big deal?

[00:04:18] I was genuinely more annoyed when she broke my baking bowl and tried to blame it on the cat.

[00:04:23] Lol.

[00:04:25] Edits.

[00:04:26] Hi all.

[00:04:26] I just wanted to say thank you all so much for taking the time to respond to me.

[00:04:30] I really do appreciate it and I'm overwhelmed you all took the time.

[00:04:34] I keep getting asked a few questions so I thought I'd address them here.

[00:04:37] Over the years, we have been to a few different couples counselors and sex therapists,

[00:04:42] the latest being last September for both.

[00:04:44] My wife always feels like she's being victimized by them and we stop going.

[00:04:48] Nearly all have said though that they think she is asexual and to even saying she's displaying

[00:04:53] a lot of signs of being a closeted lesbian, which I have brought up to her before and she's

[00:04:59] adamant she's not.

[00:05:00] On that note, I've had a lot of messages saying she wants to feel wanted and for me

[00:05:04] to be more forward with her.

[00:05:06] This is not true.

[00:05:08] In all our sessions, she said she doesn't want me trying it on with her.

[00:05:11] She doesn't even want me to initiate hugs and just bringing up sex makes her feel under

[00:05:15] pressure.

[00:05:16] She let me and our therapist know that if she ever had sex without her initiating it,

[00:05:20] it will be no more than pity sex.

[00:05:22] As for people saying I don't love her, I buy her flowers every Friday on the way home from

[00:05:27] work. I bake her her favorite cookies or cupcakes every weekend.

[00:05:31] I send her voice notes of songs I'm listening to that remind me of her.

[00:05:34] I tell her I love her every day.

[00:05:36] I run her a bath every night.

[00:05:38] This isn't me showing off.

[00:05:40] This is how I was brought up to show love for those saying I must have been brought up

[00:05:43] in an unloving home.

[00:05:44] People have said that if I don't get jealous, I don't love her.

[00:05:48] If she told me she was having an emotional affair, she spent hours on the phone with someone

[00:05:52] else laughing and joking.

[00:05:53] If she snuggled on a sofa eating chocolates and watching TV with someone, etc, I'd be

[00:05:58] devastated.

[00:05:59] A dance and a kiss isn't a big deal to me and not even close to divorce.

[00:06:04] Thank you all again for reading.

[00:06:06] Second edit.

[00:06:07] Sorry for these.

[00:06:08] It's 7am in the morning here now, the day after I posted.

[00:06:11] I've been talking to my wife since 6 and said she's got a week to agree to go back

[00:06:16] to couples counseling and she's got to stick it out this time and just not accuse them

[00:06:20] of taking sides and refuse to go back.

[00:06:22] She said no.

[00:06:23] She said they all bully her and make her out to be the bad guy.

[00:06:26] She said I went back on my word that I forgive her and won't resent her.

[00:06:30] I said this isn't about the kiss, it's about her reaction since the kiss and that it feels

[00:06:35] like she's purposely trying to drive me away and make me leave her.

[00:06:38] She just got up and stormed out of the room.

[00:06:40] She then got dressed and said she's going out until I go to work.

[00:06:44] So just two of the top comments.

[00:06:45] The first one said she's trying to sabotage the relationship and she's getting mad that

[00:06:49] you won't let her.

[00:06:50] I'll be says that's the conclusions I'm heartbreakingly coming to.

[00:06:54] This hurts infinitely more than seeing her kiss someone else.

[00:06:57] And one more comment that says friend texting you is a setup.

[00:07:02] And I think for me I got to agree with those comments that she's trying to purposely sabotage

[00:07:06] the relationship.

[00:07:08] I mean I don't see any other way around it.

[00:07:11] But just looking at the whole thing and to me it just all looks so unhealthy.

[00:07:15] You started off with like you never had a great sex life and you're not going to make a big

[00:07:20] deal out of it.

[00:07:21] You know that she said she doesn't like being touched yet she's dancing and kissing someone

[00:07:25] on the dance floor.

[00:07:26] I'm just like what?

[00:07:28] But OP came in with a first update 12 days later and said it's been nearly two weeks since

[00:07:33] I made the post.

[00:07:34] And the short update is that we are getting divorced.

[00:07:36] I said in my last post I told her I wanted us to go back to couples counseling and sex therapy.

[00:07:41] She said no to both as we went before when she felt bullied.

[00:07:45] She said at sex therapy that unless she initiates touching.

[00:07:49] Not just sex.

[00:07:50] Any touching like hugs or hand holding.

[00:07:52] It will be against her will.

[00:07:53] And will be forced and pity affection from her.

[00:07:56] The sex therapist said that's very unreasonable.

[00:07:58] And that's why she felt bullied there.

[00:08:00] I tried to ask her a few questions too.

[00:08:03] She said are you a lesbian or at least bi?

[00:08:06] She said don't be stupid.

[00:08:08] Are you asexual?

[00:08:09] She said I'm not a teenager with a stupid label.

[00:08:12] She said what did he have I don't?

[00:08:14] Nothing.

[00:08:15] I just wanted to do it.

[00:08:17] Why didn't you ever want to do that with me?

[00:08:20] Don't know.

[00:08:21] What can I do to make you do that to me?

[00:08:23] Don't know.

[00:08:25] Do you want me to take the initiative and try it on with you more?

[00:08:28] Fuck no.

[00:08:28] I'll tell you when I want it.

[00:08:30] Don't guess.

[00:08:31] So she refused the therapy and gave me no straight answers.

[00:08:35] She's also said I've gone back on my word about not letting the kiss split us up because now it is.

[00:08:41] I said it's not the kiss.

[00:08:42] It's your behavior since then that has caused me to want to divorce.

[00:08:46] She said as it's my decision to divorce and it's all my fault.

[00:08:50] Then I should be the one to tell our kids.

[00:08:52] And she will have no part of it.

[00:08:54] That was hard.

[00:08:54] As soon as they were told my wife left for her sisters and in three days since then I haven't heard anything from her.

[00:09:01] I've tried to speak into her about the kids as they miss her but she reads my messages and ignores me.

[00:09:07] A lot of people have asked about the friend and why they still talk after she tried it on with me.

[00:09:12] How I understand it is my wife tried to get the friend group to cut the friend out but they all pretty much refused and so my wife just chose to ignore her in group settings.

[00:09:20] On the night in question a friend approached my wife and told her if she didn't tell me she would send the video.

[00:09:26] So my wife didn't tell me because she felt guilty but because she was forced.

[00:09:30] I've also spoke to a couple of other friends in the group and asked what's been going on I'm not privy to.

[00:09:35] Apparently my wife was sex enough for a friend's boyfriend a couple of years ago.

[00:09:39] My wife has also been boasting about how she has me under the thumb and she gets away with giving me nothing and I'm too scared to ask.

[00:09:47] A friend apparently saw me out shopping one day and decided I was now more fuckable and thought she'd try and exact some revenge on my wife.

[00:09:54] She didn't really want me. I was just a pawn in this weird friend group's one of many internal beefs with each other which I found out about in the last few days.

[00:10:04] Basically they all seemed to hate each other and mess with each other's partners.

[00:10:08] I'll be honest now and I feel incredibly guilty about it but when she left my body and soul seemed to take a massive sigh of relief.

[00:10:14] It was like a black cloud that was dripping eggshells on the floor for me to constantly avoid as gone.

[00:10:19] I feel terrible for feeling this way but I feel like I'm my 6 foot 2 height now rather than a brow beaten 3 foot who was scared to even say anything for fear of being told I was wrong or insulted or ridiculed.

[00:10:32] It's like the blinkers have been taken off.

[00:10:35] I spent the day baking with my kids, eating easter eggs and watching cartoons and I haven't stopped smiling all day.

[00:10:41] I haven't winced or broke out in a sweat worrying about to be told off about being too noisy or watching the wrong thing on TV.

[00:10:48] Well there's a rapper on the floor etc.

[00:10:50] Thank you everyone for your support on my last post.

[00:10:53] I appreciate you all.

[00:10:55] Max Zaddy says to OP after that one, you didn't go back on your word friend.

[00:10:59] Her actions after the fact and lack thereof is the reason.

[00:11:03] OP says yep, I'm still not bothered about the kiss.

[00:11:07] ScaryButterscotch says, I think that your state of being unbothered is exactly why you should divorce her.

[00:11:11] You're past the point of caring for what she does or with whom she does it.

[00:11:15] That's the divorce death now.

[00:11:18] Farrah Aras says,

[00:11:19] It's some Olympic level mental gymnastics to say that the divorce is your fault because you went back on your word for being unbothered.

[00:11:26] Pretty sure kissing someone else while being married also goes back on her word.

[00:11:30] That said, I'll be taking her up on her demand that you're the one to tell the kids.

[00:11:34] Don't let her control the narrative because she seems like the type to be attempting parental alienation at every opportunity.

[00:11:41] OP's next update says,

[00:15:15] OP's next title says,

[00:15:52] And there's a wee bit of sex chat for about 10 seconds or so, so you may want to skip this if that bothers you.

[00:16:00] I've had some people bother by it before.

[00:16:02] If you read my profile, you'll see around six weeks ago, I left my abusive wife after I realized how bad she was.

[00:16:09] Prior to this, we hadn't had sex for three years.

[00:16:12] And when we did, it was no foreplay.

[00:16:14] Hadn't received or given oral in close to 20 years.

[00:16:17] Me and Top and telling her to go as fast as I can so I can come quickly.

[00:16:21] Now we continue.

[00:16:22] There was also zero affection, no holding hands, no kissing, no hugging, no snuggling up, nothing.

[00:16:28] We didn't even share a bed.

[00:16:30] Since becoming single, I've realized how much I miss this.

[00:16:33] I basically had suppressed this desire with my ex as I knew it was never going to happen.

[00:16:37] Since becoming single, it's like a switch had flicked and I realized there's a world of women out there

[00:16:42] and some might want me to bake them some cakes and then we can snuggle up and watch some rubbish TV

[00:16:47] and I can play with their hair or stroke their back or whatever.

[00:16:51] Damn, sounds like a dream.

[00:16:52] Cakes and a back tickle, holy moly.

[00:16:55] After my original post on here, a woman started talking to me who seems lovely and I expressed these desires

[00:17:01] and she said she'd love to do that with no implications of anything more happening.

[00:17:05] She arranged to come around last night and we arranged the movie.

[00:17:08] I made her a cake and she said she'd like and I was all set.

[00:17:11] She arrived and it was the first time I'd really seen her.

[00:17:14] She was very beautiful and a couple of photos I'd seen hadn't done her justice.

[00:17:18] She told me she didn't drink alcohol so I offered her a tea which she accepted and a slice of cake.

[00:17:24] The cake went over a treat and she asked for seconds and then thirds which was fine by me.

[00:17:31] After that she suggested pushing my sofas together, getting a duvet and getting under to watch a film.

[00:17:36] And then she said, oh, if you've got a TV in your bedroom, let's go up there.

[00:17:40] Me being terrible at hints thought that was just a good idea so said yes.

[00:17:45] As soon as we got in the room, she just stripped off and got into bed saying she felt bloated from the cake.

[00:17:50] She wanted me to sit up and she would lay with her head on my lap while I stroked her back and played with her hair.

[00:17:56] I'll spare you the details but I'll imagine you can guess what she tried to do pretty quickly in that position.

[00:18:02] My body wasn't up for it nor expecting it still at the time, which was stupid of me.

[00:18:06] Nothing happened.

[00:18:08] She then said maybe I'm just nervous and started kissing me and rubbing herself against me.

[00:18:12] I felt terrible for her but she was really trying but my body just wouldn't play along.

[00:18:16] She then got upset and said I'd made her feel ugly and that crushed me as that's exactly how my ex-wife always made me feel.

[00:18:24] She ended up getting dressed and leaving.

[00:18:26] I tried messaging her straight away to say sorry but she must have blocked me as soon as she got in the car.

[00:18:31] Is this my life now?

[00:18:33] I can't even have sex with someone.

[00:18:35] I'll be honest, I've only slept with three people before and they were all relationships.

[00:18:40] I've never done no-string stuff.

[00:18:42] If she unblocks me, how do I apologize to her for making her feel bad?

[00:18:46] This could be massive, says to OP.

[00:18:48] Six weeks is not enough time to process that amount of trauma.

[00:18:52] Be patient with yourself.

[00:18:53] It gets better but you have to give yourself some time.

[00:18:56] Be upfront and say that you just got out of a bad marriage and you need to take things slow.

[00:19:01] Big Fire Truck says she not only crossed your boundary but manipulated you into thinking she was the victim.

[00:19:07] You did nothing wrong.

[00:19:09] And it is more than acceptable to not be ready for sex.

[00:19:12] Six weeks after leaving your ex.

[00:19:14] Now it's totally normal to not be able to perform given the circumstances.

[00:19:18] I.e. you likely need to move on before being ready to be intimate with another.

[00:19:22] Here are my two cents from my own experiences.

[00:19:25] One, when I left my previous long-term relationship and entered the dating pool.

[00:19:30] I was also uncomfortable, not ready to get intimate with someone else.

[00:19:33] But wanted connection.

[00:19:34] I communicated this and it was respected by almost all women.

[00:19:38] Some did feel ugly or unattractive which I understand.

[00:19:41] Two, ideally you don't want to have these types of Netflix and chill style dates.

[00:19:47] They attract a certain type of person and suggest that you're open to these implications.

[00:19:52] I.e. sex.

[00:19:53] Try and have more public dates.

[00:19:55] Example meal, drink, activity such as mini golf or arcade or an outdoor picnic etc.

[00:20:01] Three, it is not a bad thing to go out with people for the sake of building connections, finding your feet etc.

[00:20:07] This is all part of the process.

[00:20:09] There'll be experiences that are less than ideal but you'll find someone that respects your boundaries and or eventually someone that can help you become intimate once again.

[00:20:19] Hope he adds a little update for those who still follow me.

[00:20:23] I've moved back to my hometown and given my ex the house.

[00:20:26] I know people won't be happy with that but I just wanted a clean break and no ties to her or that city.

[00:20:32] The kids are with me and see their mum at weekends.

[00:20:35] Provided I make the 5 hour round trip to drop them off on a Saturday morning and then make the same trip Sunday afternoon to pick them up.

[00:20:41] I know again people will say I'm doing what she wants but if that makes my kids happy, it makes me happy.

[00:20:48] She seems okay with this arrangement although she's flaked twice already.

[00:20:51] Once the kids say they no longer want to go, I won't take them.

[00:20:55] The divorce is still going through but won't be done for a few more months yet according to my lawyer.

[00:21:00] I'm baking a lot more and loving it.

[00:21:02] Thank you to everyone who has thought about me.

[00:21:05] You're all so great.

[00:21:06] One comment to OP where that one says,

[00:21:08] Get your slice of peace man.

[00:21:10] Sucks to lose out on the house but if it brings you more peace, all the power to you.

[00:21:15] OP says it's only a possession is how I saw it.

[00:21:18] One less thing to worry about.

[00:21:20] OP comes in with her next update titled,

[00:21:22] My 41 male ex 41 female messaged me yesterday saying she no longer wants to see our two kids

[00:21:28] and is happy to give them away in our divorce.

[00:21:31] How to navigate mixed emotions of this.

[00:21:34] Six weeks later.

[00:21:36] I posted on here a few months ago.

[00:21:38] If you want to look at my profile and read them about my wife kissing another man on a night out despite not having sex with me for years.

[00:21:46] I wasn't bothered and willing to ignore it and carry on but she kept making issues over it and eventually we split up.

[00:21:52] I moved back to my home city about two hours away and the kids came with me.

[00:21:56] My ex wife said it was too far for her to travel to have them at weekends so every Saturday morning I'd been driving them up to her and then picking them back up on Sunday evening.

[00:22:05] So they got to see their mom.

[00:22:07] We'd make fun trips out of it and would take snacks, play audiobooks, have sing-alongs etc.

[00:22:12] But I'd noticed they'd always seemed happier to be picked up than taken there.

[00:22:16] I just always assumed it was because all their stuff and their main home was with me.

[00:22:21] My ex has started to cancel these weekends a bit recently.

[00:22:25] Three of the last five, she's cancelled.

[00:22:27] She started to say things like,

[00:22:29] They didn't like me anyway and you've poisoned them.

[00:22:31] Which is not true.

[00:22:32] I've never said a bad thing about their mom to them or in front of them and never would.

[00:22:38] Plus I make two four hour round trips every weekend so she can see them and they can see her.

[00:22:45] I'll be honest, every Saturday after I drop them off, I cry all the way home.

[00:22:50] I miss them so much.

[00:22:52] They are my little best mates.

[00:22:54] Every night after dinner we will do our chores and do a different activity.

[00:22:57] Sometimes it's a walk in the woods behind my house or we bake or have movie nights.

[00:23:02] Or read books together.

[00:23:03] I'm quite good with my hands and love making and fixing things whether it's baking,

[00:23:07] cooking, DIY or car repairs and they have started to take an interest too.

[00:23:12] So we have a couple of projects on the go.

[00:23:14] Like building a kind of Wendy house for them.

[00:23:16] That will have games consoles, a fridge for their drinks and snacks etc.

[00:23:20] Plus we are also building a couple of petrol go-karts from scratch for them to race at a nearby track.

[00:23:26] When they are done, which they are designing themselves and we are building together.

[00:23:30] Basically my life is taken up with them in the week and at weekends I feel like a lost zombie

[00:23:36] until it's time to go get them.

[00:23:37] Then yesterday I received a short text from her saying she no longer wants to see them.

[00:23:42] All they do is ask for me anyway.

[00:23:44] They don't have fun there and they basically get in the way.

[00:23:48] I was absolutely heartbroken for my boys and I rang her straight away.

[00:23:52] I'd be honest I started crying as I felt so bad for them and she genuinely acted like

[00:23:56] I was annoying her for wanting to get to the bottom of it.

[00:23:59] She then said,

[00:24:00] Sounds like you don't want them either and they're just trying to palm them off at the weekends.

[00:24:04] And hung up on me.

[00:24:06] I don't even know how I'm going to tell them this.

[00:24:08] Do I just say she's cancelled for a few weeks and see how it goes?

[00:24:12] Do I tell them the truth?

[00:24:13] How do I say it in a way that kids will understand and won't absolutely crush them?

[00:24:17] And I've got the conflicted selfish emotion of pure joy that I have the whole weekends with them.

[00:24:22] They're so selfish of me I know.

[00:24:24] Is that going to be sad while I'm happy?

[00:24:27] Has anyone been in a similar situation from my side or the kids side?

[00:24:31] How do I handle this?

[00:24:34] Zealous Ideal says on the back of that don't forget child support.

[00:24:37] I hope you're receiving and get it adjusted based on new custody agreement.

[00:24:41] Helga the Viking says don't forget getting your kids into counselling.

[00:24:45] I know two boys who a very similar thing happened to and despite having a happy life with their dad and his new partner.

[00:24:51] The pain of being deserted by their mom never left.

[00:24:54] They're still there and they're in their 30s now.

[00:24:57] Rana says sad truth.

[00:24:59] Saw that first hand with two different friends male and female.

[00:25:02] This makes me so angry for the little kids.

[00:25:06] OP says I got them into therapy as soon as we split up because everyone in their life is attached to this one way or another.

[00:25:12] And they need an outside voice to help them understand it.

[00:25:15] As someone they can be truly honest with without fear of hurting feelings.

[00:25:19] Rana says lock that in quick.

[00:25:20] Talk to a lawyer and have her give up her parental rights.

[00:25:24] Sicko Nat says I'd also be rethinking giving her the house.

[00:25:28] Time to sell and split the proceeds.

[00:25:30] Also she can pay you child support or you get a bigger slice of the house if you agree to her terminating parental rights.

[00:25:36] Because the money is for your kids.

[00:25:39] Second order of business is therapy for you and the kids.

[00:25:42] Again lawyer up so there's money from the house for paying for this.

[00:25:46] OP comes in with another update four weeks later.

[00:25:50] They give a quick recap in the first paragraph which pretty much covers everything we've already read.

[00:25:54] So I'll skip to the second one which says

[00:25:56] So far as her giving up her rights as parents is a lot harder than I thought.

[00:26:00] Both my lawyer and hers have told me that it's hard to do this in the UK.

[00:26:04] And neither of them seen a judge allow it unless there is a physical or sexual chance of harm to the children.

[00:26:10] However they both have also said they've never presented a case like this to a judge where both parties agree to it fully.

[00:26:15] They've drafted an agreement where both agree to my ex-wife no longer having responsibilities towards my children.

[00:26:22] Including financially.

[00:26:23] Let's see what happens with that.

[00:26:25] Just waiting now to get a court date.

[00:26:27] But they said that could be months away.

[00:26:30] On to the hardest part.

[00:26:31] And then my kids.

[00:26:33] I'll be honest.

[00:26:34] I haven't.

[00:26:35] The first couple of weeks I just said mum had cancelled again when they asked.

[00:26:39] And the eldest in particular seemed pretty relieved at this both times.

[00:26:42] And last weekend they didn't even ask.

[00:26:45] It's been over a month now since they've seen her.

[00:26:47] The eldest has also told me that he doesn't like going there anyway.

[00:26:50] As all she does is sleep and shout.

[00:26:53] He also told me that the other day he prefers his new house and feels more relaxed.

[00:26:57] I feel terrible as I was obviously missing signs before that he wasn't fully happy when we were together as a family.

[00:27:04] At least he's more comfortable now.

[00:27:07] I had a bit of a wobble last night with my youngest though.

[00:27:10] He was watching land before time and then he started saying he misses his mum and started crying.

[00:27:15] It was full blown tears and breaking down and it was awful to see.

[00:27:19] While I was holding him I started crying but made sure he couldn't see.

[00:27:22] I didn't say anything bad about his mum or tell him she doesn't want to see him anymore.

[00:27:27] I just hugged him and stroked his hair and told him I'd always be here for him and he can always come to me if he's upset.

[00:27:33] Happy or just to be silly and I'll never push him away.

[00:27:37] Once they were in bed I was in pieces.

[00:27:39] Blaming myself for leaving their mum.

[00:27:41] Questioning why I couldn't be stronger and live with it for a few more years until they were adults.

[00:27:46] It was me who left.

[00:27:47] It's me who made them drive up and down the country every weekend.

[00:27:51] Unsettled them.

[00:27:52] I rooted their lives.

[00:27:53] At 2am this morning I drafted a text to my wife asking her to get back together and to be a mum again.

[00:28:00] Luckily I didn't send it.

[00:28:02] I had about 3 hours sleep but feel better this morning.

[00:28:05] None of her family have been in touch either to try and maintain a relationship with the boys.

[00:28:10] It's horrible to be honest but they're the ones missing out on these two amazing kids.

[00:28:15] One of her cousins messaged me every so often but she asks more about me than the kids.

[00:28:19] So either feels like ulterior motive or a trap which I'm not falling into.

[00:28:25] As for my divorce lawyer who said it should hopefully be finalized before Christmas.

[00:28:29] Not that it make much difference.

[00:28:31] I don't wear my ring and she has a new 20 year old boyfriend.

[00:28:34] Not the guy she cheated with.

[00:28:36] It would be nice though to finally be able to say ex-wife and it be official.

[00:28:41] Zoe says to the OP on the back of this quoting them about blaming themselves and says don't do this.

[00:28:46] Your ex cheated.

[00:28:47] Your ex gave up on your marriage without talking and trying to fix what's wrong.

[00:28:52] Yes you were the one that physically went out the door.

[00:28:55] But only after she showed you in several ways that she wants you gone.

[00:28:59] Staying for the kids would have made no one happy including the kids.

[00:29:03] See how she treated them after you left.

[00:29:06] Now think of how many years of this you and your kids would have had to endure.

[00:29:10] Not a great option.

[00:29:11] I suggest seeking therapy for the kids.

[00:29:14] To help them break the news in regards to their mum abandoning them.

[00:29:16] And for yourself as well.

[00:29:18] Help get rid of the unnecessary guilt you feel.

[00:29:21] And find a way to actually process what happened and find a healthy way forward.

[00:29:25] You are the role model for your kids.

[00:29:28] You just showed them self-respect and that you will always protect them.

[00:29:31] That's so much better than letting a woman who happens to give birth to them neglect.

[00:29:35] And potentially abuse them further down the line.

[00:29:38] And currently that is OP's last entry on their post.

[00:29:42] And it's just so heartbreaking for the kids about how confusing that must be for them.

[00:29:50] And I would agree that you know seeking some sort of therapy to break that news to them has got to be the best way forward.

[00:29:56] I mean it's going to be heartbreaking either way.

[00:29:58] They're slowly starting to see what their mum is like.

[00:30:01] And I'm so glad OP didn't go down the route of sending that text of getting back together.

[00:30:05] Because like the comments said.

[00:30:07] Being in that relationship.

[00:30:08] Getting back into that relationship.

[00:30:10] Wasn't going to be good for you.

[00:30:12] It wasn't going to be good for the kids.

[00:30:13] And I'm really hoping to see an update further down the line where OP and the children have moved on as much as they can in a situation like this.

[00:30:23] And they're living their own lives without you know her lurking over them.

[00:30:27] Because she sounds like an absolute shitty person.

[00:30:31] Absolutely horrific.

[00:30:32] Thinking having your kids and then sending a text message.

[00:30:35] I don't want to see them anymore.

[00:30:36] Just like that.

[00:30:38] Ugh deary me.

[00:30:39] But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:30:42] What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:30:45] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:30:48] And just a huge thank you for being here today.

[00:30:50] Getting involved in the stories.

[00:30:51] Your love.

[00:30:52] Your support.

[00:30:52] Your time.

[00:30:53] Always means the absolute world.

[00:30:54] And hopefully I will see you in the next one.

[00:30:57] Take care.

[00:30:58] And much love.