My Wife Just Abandoned Me To "Find Herself" r/Relationships Compilation

[00:00:02] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we have another compilation story. Some of you guys love these, I know some of you don't as well, totally get it. So I just want to throw that warning out there straight away. This is a compilation video to get you through your workday or whatever you're doing right now. The old long form stuff. With that being said, if you do enjoy it, don't forget to hit that like, subscribe maybe, and that notification bell too. And let's crack on with it. Much love guys.

[00:00:29] Now, today's first story does come from a throwaway account. It's one that I believe that we have covered in the past but now has a final update attached to it as well. We'll cover all the usual parts of the story and if you want to skip parts, timestamps are always down in the description and along the timeline below. Thank you. It's titled, My Male 50 Wife Female 48 Abandoned Me Two Months Ago To Find Herself. My Wife Mary's Family Has A History Of Dementia.

[00:00:58] Developing memory issues in their mid to late 50s. Her mom, grandmother and several other relatives on her mom's side have developed dementia.

[00:01:07] Her mom lived with us for four years until earlier this year. Her father is dead.

[00:01:12] Our kids are independent and out of the house. Oldest is in her last semester of college and the younger enlisted.

[00:01:19] The last four years were tough on us. Our kids thought to move for college but moved back for a bit during COVID and our marriage.

[00:01:27] Living with someone with dementia is brutal.

[00:01:30] We talked a lot the last year about taking the remaining college funds, our regular savings, sell or rent the house.

[00:01:37] We were ready to downsize anyway.

[00:01:39] Quit our jobs and travel for a year or until the money runs out.

[00:01:43] We just had to wait for her mom to move into a home.

[00:01:45] I understand her anxiety about developing dementia and I was burned out.

[00:01:50] We lived through COVID working remote, a wife working remote, a college and high school students taking remote classes

[00:01:57] and a mother-in-law with dementia and see how you hold up.

[00:02:00] Space finally opened up and we were able to move her mom into a care facility.

[00:02:05] I finally thought I had a chance to breathe.

[00:02:08] When we moved Mary's mom out, Mary's mental health took a huge downward spiral.

[00:02:14] I went from caring for a mom to caring for her.

[00:02:17] She felt guilty about putting her mom in a home and had lots of anxiety about developing dementia.

[00:02:22] Our plan was to start our traveling summer 2024.

[00:02:26] Two months ago, I get home and she's left a note.

[00:02:30] My friend calls it Exhibit A.

[00:02:32] Basically, she was going on our trip without me.

[00:02:35] She'd quit her job, took most of the savings and wasn't sure when she'd be back.

[00:02:40] Maybe a year, maybe sooner.

[00:02:42] She knew I'd understand.

[00:02:45] Her location is turned off and my calls go directly to voicemail.

[00:02:49] I text the kids a picture of the note.

[00:02:51] We have our own checking accounts for direct deposits of our paychecks,

[00:02:54] but we transfer most of it into a joint account to pay the household bills and savings.

[00:02:59] We both had access to main savings account.

[00:03:03] We have joint credit cards we use for household expenses.

[00:03:06] The two cars are mortgage adjoint.

[00:03:09] We both have our own small savings account, our own retirement accounts,

[00:03:13] equally funded, and our own credit cards for gifts and fun things.

[00:03:17] I closed all joint cards and accounts.

[00:03:21] I waited for a month to see if she'd come back,

[00:03:24] hopefully before she spent our savings.

[00:03:26] After receiving only one text the first month, I went to a lawyer.

[00:03:31] She basically said there was very little to do right now,

[00:03:34] other than change the beneficiaries of my retirement accounts and life insurance.

[00:03:38] Yay, my wife gets nothing if I die alone while she's having our adventures.

[00:03:43] It was only a month and there was no way to serve her papers.

[00:03:47] My lawyer advised me to keep paying the mortgage in the cars.

[00:03:51] The cost of trying to get a judge to approve the sale of joint assets was more than making payments.

[00:03:58] I didn't want to ruin my credit by letting one of our cars get repossessed,

[00:04:01] but I can't sell it because she's on the title.

[00:04:05] I get random texts and she sporadically posts on Instagram.

[00:04:08] Of course, she has comments turned off.

[00:04:10] I want to block her so bad, but my lawyer advised me that it's better to maintain a communication channel.

[00:04:16] That's not through our kids.

[00:04:18] Her last post was from Hawaii.

[00:04:21] She put in the comments how great a husband I was for letting her take this trip.

[00:04:25] I'm barely making it.

[00:04:26] Paying two cars, a mortgage, household bills, insurance,

[00:04:30] hoping there are no emergencies because I have no savings.

[00:04:33] And she's enjoying our trip.

[00:04:36] Fuck her.

[00:04:36] I'm so pissed at her.

[00:04:38] I helped her take care of her mom for four years and her

[00:04:41] when she fell apart after her mom moved into a memory care home.

[00:04:45] And she returns the favor by abandoning me.

[00:04:48] I'll never get to take this trip and have to put off retirement.

[00:04:51] My only solace is the kids are pissed at her,

[00:04:54] but they'll probably forgive her eventually.

[00:04:57] Double F her.

[00:04:58] I'm no fool.

[00:05:00] She's hooking up with guys.

[00:05:01] She looks good.

[00:05:02] She has zero problem getting men.

[00:05:04] I texted her and asked if she was sleeping around.

[00:05:06] A week later, she responded that she wasn't.

[00:05:09] Sure.

[00:05:10] With an eye roll emoji.

[00:05:12] So I'm drinking alone on a Friday night and she's somewhere probably on a beach enjoying life.

[00:05:18] Triple F her.

[00:05:20] Edit two.

[00:05:21] My lawyer has given me a bunch of advice and options.

[00:05:24] It was just way more than I could possibly include in this post.

[00:05:28] I could definitely push the issue harder and I might need to at some point,

[00:05:31] but all that work is very expensive.

[00:05:34] Finding her.

[00:05:35] Serving her.

[00:05:36] Getting a judge to sign off.

[00:05:38] That's not cheap.

[00:05:39] I'm following up soon and I plan on talking about the savings and my finances.

[00:05:44] Until I paid all the bills and realized how little was left did it hit me that I had to worry about money.

[00:05:49] And my first initial thoughts after reading this is what are the daughters thinking?

[00:05:54] What's the rest of the family thinking?

[00:05:56] You know, your immediate family seeing this situation going down.

[00:05:59] Do they know all the full details about this?

[00:06:01] And is she really just expecting to go away and then come back and everything's fine after she's basically used all your savings?

[00:06:10] But Opie did give some additional bits of information.

[00:06:13] So on the situation and regarding the family knows.

[00:06:17] Opie says,

[00:06:18] Everyone that matters knows.

[00:06:19] My daughter has been talking to her aunt, my wife's youngest sister.

[00:06:23] A lot.

[00:06:25] I was worried about my daughter, but it was tough to be there for her at the beginning.

[00:06:29] Fortunately, she's always had a good relationship with all of her aunts and uncles.

[00:06:33] This helped her to talk to people that really know her mother.

[00:06:36] My sister-in-law told her aunts and uncles and her brother.

[00:06:40] She invited us to Thanksgiving.

[00:06:42] There'll be tons of family from my wife's side and they always take and post tons of pictures.

[00:06:48] My family and our shared friends know.

[00:06:50] I don't care about anyone else.

[00:06:52] King of Leprechauns says to Opie saying,

[00:06:54] Thanking you for letting her take this trip is basically her saying,

[00:06:57] When I get through living the single life, I'll be coming back to the comfort and security of married life.

[00:07:02] When she returns, I'd say,

[00:07:04] Welcome home.

[00:07:05] Here are your walk-in papers.

[00:07:07] Opie says she 100% is under the delusion that she's coming back to a marriage.

[00:07:11] She's had a few conversations with our daughter and she's convinced I'll understand and forgive her.

[00:07:17] Naive Subject 65 says,

[00:07:19] Tell your daughter to pass along the message that you're filing for divorce for abandonment

[00:07:23] and see if this gets you some traction.

[00:07:26] I don't generally like the idea of going through kids, but they need to have your back on this.

[00:07:30] Maybe even tell her to cut her off as well if she keeps doing this to you and the family.

[00:07:35] Maybe even start posting about how she's living a good life and letting your friends and family know what kind of pickle this has put you in.

[00:07:42] Everyone probably assumes you're on board if you're not purposely driving the true narrative.

[00:07:48] Opie responds saying she only hears what she wants.

[00:07:52] I asked her to send me an address to serve her papers.

[00:07:54] She only told me that she'll work it out when she comes home.

[00:07:57] The fuck we will.

[00:07:58] My daughter tells her all the pain she's causing,

[00:08:01] but she just says she only has 5-10 years left until she gets dementia.

[00:08:06] It's impossible to know if she'd even develop dementia,

[00:08:09] but shouldn't she be spending this time with her family?

[00:08:12] And Naive Subject replies that saying,

[00:08:15] Yeah, you think she would.

[00:08:17] I still think that controlling the narrative online is necessary.

[00:08:20] There will be fallout resulting from the divorce.

[00:08:23] If you don't get out in front of this,

[00:08:25] informing people she actually knows, other than strangers on Reddit,

[00:08:29] you'll make herself to look like she's a victim of a deranged and bitter husband.

[00:08:32] I think you'll get the most mileage by applying pressure through friends and family in the court.

[00:08:37] I know court is expensive, but you're going to pay one way or the other.

[00:08:41] You might as well take the hit now.

[00:08:43] Also, I'd bet a private investigator with good internet sleuthing skills

[00:08:47] could help you find her much faster than you think.

[00:08:49] She's been leaving a digital footprint since she's still posting and using her phone.

[00:08:53] It's amazing what you can find out about a person if you know how to look for the information.

[00:08:58] And I don't know if it's right or wrong, especially legally,

[00:09:01] but getting your side out there publicly to your social media,

[00:09:06] I think that might be the right thing to do as well.

[00:09:08] We've seen in many other stories about how a narrative gets pushed a certain way if you don't speak up.

[00:09:14] I don't usually agree with posting all your stuff on Facebook or whatever socials you use.

[00:09:20] But in this particular situation, when she's posting pictures of herself in Hawaii

[00:09:25] and, you know, thank my husband for all this, for supporting me in this,

[00:09:29] when you're absolutely not,

[00:09:31] it's just that chance that it could backfire further down the line

[00:09:35] if you don't say something on it now, I guess.

[00:09:37] Again, I don't know if that's wise legally or not,

[00:09:41] but it certainly popped into my head.

[00:09:43] But the first update comes two weeks later and says,

[00:09:46] an update from my original post.

[00:09:48] I'm feeling much more positive now that the financial situation has become a little more manageable.

[00:09:53] Basically, I'm running up debt that will get paid off when I sell the house.

[00:09:57] Even with lawyer's fees, I have six to eight more months before I have to worry about money,

[00:10:02] assuming there are no emergencies.

[00:10:04] My wife's friend gave me some good advice.

[00:10:06] Don't go from being a hero to a villain in your kid's eyes.

[00:10:09] How I talk and treat my wife will determine my future relationship with my kids.

[00:10:13] I don't give a damn about my wife, but I don't want to make her a sympathetic figure

[00:10:18] or drive them away from both of us.

[00:10:20] I followed up with a lawyer.

[00:10:22] Basically, she said we're going to have her pay back the savings she took

[00:10:25] through a reduction in her share of the assets.

[00:10:28] Any division of assets will include the savings she took.

[00:10:31] She'll also have to repay the money I spent maintaining the household while she was gone.

[00:10:36] There's plenty of equity in her share of the house and her retirement plans to cover that.

[00:10:40] She said that our finances are so intertwined after nearly 25 years in marriage.

[00:10:46] My wife is going to get some share of the assets.

[00:10:49] Best case is she agrees to the terms of the divorce and it's relatively cheap and quick.

[00:10:54] Otherwise, it gets complicated and expensive.

[00:10:58] She gave me a lot of options and how much I can expect to spend.

[00:11:01] I decided to just mostly wait.

[00:11:04] I got a couple of credit cards with promo rates for purchases and transfers that gives me breathing room

[00:11:09] and I can conserve cash.

[00:11:11] I'll just pay them off when I sell the house.

[00:11:14] Now that my financial situation is less stressful, I'm actually enjoying her being gone.

[00:11:20] I'm free to do whatever I want, whenever.

[00:11:23] I didn't have to cook or clean or take care of anyone.

[00:11:25] The house is quiet for the first time I can remember.

[00:11:29] I loved my wife but her mental health weighed down on our marriage.

[00:11:33] On balance, it was worth it until now.

[00:11:36] The first month or so I expected her to be there whenever I'd get home.

[00:11:40] When someone was at the door or if I heard noises, I think it was her.

[00:11:44] I checked the doorbell cam obsessively.

[00:11:46] I'm not looking forward to her returning.

[00:11:49] It has to happen but when she comes back I have to deal with her.

[00:11:52] The divorce.

[00:11:53] Getting the house ready to sell.

[00:11:55] Dividing all our stuff.

[00:11:56] Finding a new place to live.

[00:11:58] I'm hoping she'll stay away until after New Year's but my daughter said she thinks her mum will be home for Christmas.

[00:12:04] Either to stay or visit.

[00:12:06] My lawyer will have papers ready to serve her.

[00:12:09] Hopefully she'll just agree to the terms and continue her travels.

[00:12:13] People had some great advice.

[00:12:15] Renting or selling the house.

[00:12:17] Not really feasible right now since I'd have to fix some things and get stuff ready to sell and rent.

[00:12:23] Since I need a place to live, the amount I net each month, rent, mortgage, rent on a new apartment, storage unit equals not worth it.

[00:12:31] My kids' rooms are still full of their stuff and I don't want to spend the time and effort to clear them out and put them in storage.

[00:12:37] Getting a H-E-L-O-C.

[00:12:40] I'm not sure if you pronounce that as HELOC or we actually just use the letters.

[00:12:44] But it stands for Home Equity Line of Credit.

[00:12:48] This was great advice.

[00:12:50] I didn't realize I didn't need both people to get a loan.

[00:12:53] If I need more money, I can go this way.

[00:12:55] In the short term, the promo rates on the credit cards were cheaper and easier than getting a H-E-L-O-C.

[00:13:01] Serving my wife divorce papers or getting a divorce in absentia.

[00:13:05] This is something I might need to do eventually.

[00:13:08] But the cost in lawyer fees goes up exponentially in cases like this.

[00:13:12] I'm comfortable just waiting for now.

[00:13:14] Look at the phone bill to see where she's at and possibly going.

[00:13:18] I did look at her usage and did notice that she doesn't post on social media until she leaves a place.

[00:13:24] Like when she posted about Hawaii, she made a call that day that originated from Los Angeles.

[00:13:28] She posted about a cruise and I figured out the dates.

[00:13:31] Trying to serve her at the port possibly.

[00:13:33] But it ended a couple of days before she posted.

[00:13:36] She tried adding international calling to her line but I blocked it so she removed her phone from our account.

[00:13:42] She said comments on that post and oh my gosh, I'm infuriated on your behalf.

[00:13:46] The audacity of my husband is so great for letting me take this trip.

[00:13:50] The petty in me hope she'd be home for Thanksgiving because I want her world to explode.

[00:13:55] Opie says she's told her family she won't be home for Thanksgiving.

[00:13:59] Nobody told her my daughter and I are spending Thanksgiving with her family though.

[00:14:03] She can see the post of us having a good time without her.

[00:14:07] Careless Ostrich replies to that and says,

[00:14:09] That's petty revenge that doesn't hurt anybody.

[00:14:11] I love to see it.

[00:14:13] There was a couple of like miniature updates that were two and a bit months later after those posts and says,

[00:14:18] Nothing much has changed.

[00:14:21] Went to the in-laws with my daughter for Thanksgiving.

[00:14:23] It went well.

[00:14:24] Everyone was nice and tried to apologize for their sister, cousin and niece.

[00:14:28] I told them it's not their responsibility.

[00:14:31] I just appreciated them taking us in.

[00:14:33] Meant a lot to my daughter to be there.

[00:14:36] Next edit.

[00:14:37] Got a text from the wife that she'd be in town for Christmas.

[00:14:40] Lawyer said the papers are ready so she can be served.

[00:14:43] It's like an early Christmas gift.

[00:14:45] So OP's final update which comes three months after the original post and says,

[00:14:50] My wife texted me in the middle of December that she'd be home for Christmas.

[00:14:54] I told her that we, our daughter and I, would be at my brother's.

[00:14:58] She obviously wasn't welcome.

[00:15:00] I'd leave her car in the driveway and the fob in the backyard.

[00:15:04] She wasn't allowed in the house unless I was there.

[00:15:06] She didn't have the keys to get in.

[00:15:08] She spent Christmas with her sister.

[00:15:11] When we got back I met with her.

[00:15:12] I decided not to be overly confrontational because I didn't want to give her the satisfaction of thinking I cared enough to be mad.

[00:15:19] She was taken aback about how detached I was.

[00:15:22] I could tell it bothered her that I didn't show her much emotion.

[00:15:26] I just wanted her to agree to a divorce.

[00:15:29] This is a summary of several different meetings both with and without our daughter.

[00:15:33] She hasn't wanted to meet with her mum alone yet.

[00:15:36] I asked why she left without telling anyone.

[00:15:39] She said she didn't want to wait a year.

[00:15:41] She didn't want anyone talking her out of it.

[00:15:44] She didn't want to work anymore.

[00:15:46] She wanted to leave before her mental health got worse.

[00:15:49] I'm sure it was mostly because she didn't want me to stop her from taking the money.

[00:15:53] She knew I would take care of everything with the kids in the house when she left.

[00:15:57] We had decided to go summer of 2024 for a few reasons.

[00:16:01] Packing everything and getting the house ready to sell was going to be a lot of work.

[00:16:06] We wanted to make sure our daughter graduated college, got a job and was settled.

[00:16:10] We wanted to make sure we had money when we got back.

[00:16:13] We wouldn't have a house, cars or jobs so we needed money because it could take months

[00:16:18] to find work and a place to live.

[00:16:20] We didn't want to have any worries or deal with a mess back home.

[00:16:23] At some point in our planning, she began questioning to herself, not me, if she ever wanted to

[00:16:29] go back to our old life.

[00:16:31] She didn't want to work full time or buy a house or stay in one place after we got back.

[00:16:36] She wasn't sure what she wanted but she didn't think she would figure it out talking to me.

[00:16:41] I told her that's the reason we were taking the trip.

[00:16:44] To figure those things out together.

[00:16:46] To see what we wanted for the next part of our life.

[00:16:48] I asked her why she didn't want to get a divorce before she left.

[00:16:52] Then she wouldn't have had to do any of this behind our backs.

[00:16:54] And she would have had plenty of money without stealing our joint savings.

[00:16:58] She claimed she didn't want a divorce.

[00:17:00] That she wanted us to live whatever life she figured out.

[00:17:03] I told her that's not how marriages work.

[00:17:06] One person deciding for the other.

[00:17:08] In talking and texting our daughter, her family, my texts and voicemails,

[00:17:12] she realized I might not forgive her.

[00:17:14] She was right about that.

[00:17:16] So she might have to visualize a future without me.

[00:17:20] This is where I hoped that she would say some stupid shit like she was going to squander all her money

[00:17:25] living in a van and make travel vlogs.

[00:17:27] Or met some guy that she needed to wire money to so they could open an ice cream shop in Alaska.

[00:17:33] Instead, she wants to be a digital nomad.

[00:17:36] Working part time, fully remote and living in new places.

[00:17:40] She tried to convince me to go with her.

[00:17:42] But I'll never be able to trust her.

[00:17:44] Plus, I didn't love her anymore.

[00:17:46] Traveling like that for a few years doesn't sound bad.

[00:17:49] But she doesn't have a job or any work lined up.

[00:17:52] She's not in her 20s.

[00:17:54] And that way of living will get old quick.

[00:17:57] No close friends.

[00:17:58] No family.

[00:17:59] I want her to make it work.

[00:18:00] So she won't be here trying to get back into our lives.

[00:18:04] How are the kids doing?

[00:18:05] Our son wouldn't have seen us the entire time she was gone away.

[00:18:10] He only responds to her with very short texts.

[00:18:12] He told me she wanted to see him but he said he was too busy and wouldn't be able to get away.

[00:18:17] He lives in the barrack so it's an easy excuse to avoid her.

[00:18:20] My daughter stopped talking and texting her.

[00:18:23] She's pretty upset.

[00:18:24] Her worry turned to anger when she realized her mum wasn't having a mental breakdown but was just being selfish.

[00:18:30] If her mum was sticking around, they probably could work through it eventually.

[00:18:33] I just care that my daughter is happy so whatever she decides, I'll support.

[00:18:39] 2.

[00:18:40] Did she spend all the money?

[00:18:42] About half.

[00:18:43] I think she realized she needed to figure it out before she completely ran out of money.

[00:18:48] 3.

[00:18:49] Did she sleep with anyone?

[00:18:51] I didn't ask because I didn't care.

[00:18:54] Asking would imply I wanted her back or it would matter.

[00:18:57] Even though I didn't ask, she claimed she didn't.

[00:19:00] Not sure if she's lying or not.

[00:19:01] She might be just saying that because she doesn't want the kids to have another reason to be mad at her.

[00:19:07] 4.

[00:19:07] Does she feel bad for what she put us through?

[00:19:10] She claims she does and she wishes she'd handled it differently.

[00:19:14] She said getting away and figuring herself out was best for her.

[00:19:18] I told her she was just being selfish.

[00:19:21] When she first left, we were worried something would happen to her and we would never see her again.

[00:19:26] She's always been self-centered.

[00:19:28] I told her she's taken the easy route and letting everyone else handle the difficult parts.

[00:19:33] If she gets sick, kids will take care of her.

[00:19:35] Goes broke, live with family.

[00:19:38] Abandon everyone, they'll forgive her.

[00:19:41] She thinks her siblings and our children will let her live with them like we let her mum live with us.

[00:19:46] I'm sure when she visualizes her future, she sees our kids there.

[00:19:50] They might not be and definitely not in the same way they were before.

[00:19:55] Despite how it might sound, I'm actually really happy with how it all turned out.

[00:19:59] Our divorce is far from final but we've agreed on the big things.

[00:20:03] We sell the house.

[00:20:04] How to split the retirement and profit from the house.

[00:20:07] How to pay back the money she took and what I spent maintaining the household.

[00:20:12] I got most of what I wanted from the settlement and she'll soon be mostly out of my life.

[00:20:18] I won't have to pay alimony and because she's choosing to make significantly less money than she was,

[00:20:24] I won't be forced to support her.

[00:20:27] That would have been a kick to the teeth.

[00:20:29] She isn't my responsibility anymore and I won't have to care for her if she does get sick or goes broke.

[00:20:35] I figured I'd start dating again.

[00:20:37] I didn't realize a 50 year old man with children out of the house, a good job and in decent shape would be a catch.

[00:20:44] I'm not fighting women off with a stick but I've had a lot more interest than I expected.

[00:20:48] It's been kind of nice meeting new women.

[00:20:51] I've worked out the numbers and I'll be doing pretty well after everything is settled and I only have to support myself.

[00:20:57] Not where I wanted to be.

[00:21:00] 50, getting divorced and using Reddit as free therapy sessions.

[00:21:04] But I'm happier now than I've been in a while.

[00:21:07] I'm even planning a little vacation on my own.

[00:21:10] P.S.

[00:21:11] Thank you to everyone that has responded and reached out.

[00:21:14] It meant a lot.

[00:21:18] So a commenter said Detective Sutton 281 says,

[00:21:21] I predict she'll be back when she starts having health problems or runs out of money.

[00:21:26] It only took her a year to burn through half of your life savings.

[00:21:29] She'll burn through whatever she gets from the divorce before five years are out.

[00:21:33] I know some actual digital nomads.

[00:21:36] All of them are highly skilled in some sought after tech field, are famous media personalities or are sex workers.

[00:21:43] If your soon to be ex-wife isn't any of those, she'll soon run to ground somewhere.

[00:21:48] People this selfish can literally not conceive of a world where they're not the main character and everyone drops whatever they are doing to help them.

[00:21:56] And another commenter says,

[00:21:57] Sir, you are a catch.

[00:21:59] For your information, don't date anyone under 30.

[00:22:02] Cheers to a new life.

[00:22:03] I hope you respond saying,

[00:22:05] I just recently got everyone out of the house.

[00:22:07] I'm not dating anyone that has young kids or wants kids.

[00:22:11] Not that it would matter if they did.

[00:22:13] I took care of that a while back.

[00:22:14] And although it's just like an incredibly sad situation for OB to have to have gone through all of that,

[00:22:22] just the mental load that must have had constantly thinking about how to deal with this situation,

[00:22:29] the legal stuff, the house, the money, what your future looks like.

[00:22:34] It must be just absolutely draining.

[00:22:37] And for your children as well.

[00:22:39] I hope they receive some help from what they're going through at the same time.

[00:22:43] And I'm glad that, you know,

[00:22:46] OB's believing in themselves.

[00:22:47] And it sounds like they're going to have, you know, a pretty positive future.

[00:22:50] Obviously, it's going to take some time as always with these things.

[00:22:53] But, you know, fair play to them.

[00:22:55] And there was people questioning about the wife's mental state in this.

[00:22:59] You know, was it just selfish, narcissistic behavior?

[00:23:02] Or was there something more mentally going on?

[00:23:05] I'm not saying dementia, obviously,

[00:23:06] but because it was just wasn't rational behavior.

[00:23:10] But what do you guys make of this situation?

[00:23:13] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:23:17] And our next story comes from DorkVader23.

[00:23:20] It says,

[00:23:21] Bride made a profit on the Bachelorette trip.

[00:23:25] Sister-in-law drama.

[00:23:27] And OP's title straight away.

[00:23:29] I'm not going to lie.

[00:23:30] Got me a little bit excited.

[00:23:32] It said so much tea.

[00:23:33] I'm glad I can spill to my Reddit community

[00:23:36] because I can't gossip about it to my family.

[00:23:39] So, about six months ago,

[00:23:41] the Bride planned a destination Bachelorette trip

[00:23:44] and charged each of the 11 girls $650 for the Airbnb.

[00:23:49] I was salty about the high cost,

[00:23:51] but it's my sister-in-law,

[00:23:53] so I sucked it up and paid her.

[00:23:55] I was also suspicious about the high as fuck price,

[00:23:59] so I did cross-check the Airbnb listing and checked it out.

[00:24:03] Yes, this B wanted a $2,300 a night each front house.

[00:24:09] Well, today I'm chatting about wedding stuff with my brother,

[00:24:13] who is marrying future sister-in-law.

[00:24:15] And he said something along the lines of,

[00:24:17] What a relief her dad paid for the Airbnb

[00:24:19] because that would have been so expensive for your group.

[00:24:23] I about choked.

[00:24:24] He said,

[00:24:25] Hey, are you sure about that?

[00:24:26] Because all 11 girls paid $650 for the house alone.

[00:24:31] Maybe run it by her.

[00:24:32] His face turned purple,

[00:24:34] so I take it he had no idea.

[00:24:37] To add to the greed going on here,

[00:24:39] when I got married,

[00:24:40] I flew her out,

[00:24:42] paid for her accommodations,

[00:24:43] paid her hair and makeup,

[00:24:45] paid for a bridesmaid's dress,

[00:24:47] and paid transportation

[00:24:48] because she was going through a hard time.

[00:24:50] Now she has the balls to steal from me.

[00:24:54] I get that weddings are expensive,

[00:24:56] but don't have one if it requires stealing from your bridesmaid.

[00:25:00] Assuming I'm the only bridesmaid who is aware of what's going on here,

[00:25:03] not sure if I should spill to the group or just let it go.

[00:25:06] There's a chance her dad stepped in and paid for it after the fact,

[00:25:10] and she just chose not to refund us.

[00:25:12] I'm not clear on the exact situation

[00:25:15] and want to avoid embarrassing my brother.

[00:25:19] Opie added the updates within the same post,

[00:25:21] so I don't want to mix up the comments and updates,

[00:25:24] so we'll go straight to update one,

[00:25:25] which says,

[00:25:26] thanks for all the advice and support.

[00:25:27] Yes, I agree with most of you who are saying

[00:25:29] I'm morally obligated to spill the beans

[00:25:32] because $650 is not child's play.

[00:25:35] This is what I'm going to do.

[00:25:37] First, I'm going to talk to my brother

[00:25:39] and give him a chance to clear it up with sister-in-law.

[00:25:42] Before I make a scene,

[00:25:43] I want to understand what's really going on.

[00:25:46] For example,

[00:25:47] did daddy pay for the trip,

[00:25:48] but sister-in-law decided to put that towards a different wedding expense,

[00:25:52] things like that.

[00:25:53] That answer will determine when and how

[00:25:55] I will tell the rest of the bridesmaids.

[00:25:57] I'm going to give my brother only one to two days

[00:25:59] because this trip is literally next week.

[00:26:02] Stay tuned for update two.

[00:26:04] Update two.

[00:26:05] All right, so I regroup with my brother.

[00:26:08] My mom also stepped in,

[00:26:09] bypassed my brother,

[00:26:10] and got some more info directly from her dad.

[00:26:13] Here's the tea.

[00:26:15] I love it when people say that.

[00:26:18] Future sister-in-law's dad did not offer to cover the cost

[00:26:21] until a few months after we all paid for the trip.

[00:26:24] This was after he found out the cost

[00:26:26] and was pissed that she chose a $2,300 a night house

[00:26:30] and asked us to pay.

[00:26:32] Apparently, he threatened not to pay for the wedding

[00:26:34] if she added more expenses onto the wedding party.

[00:26:37] Turns out she originally wanted out of the Maldives

[00:26:40] and he forbid her.

[00:26:42] According to my mom who chatted with him directly,

[00:26:44] he felt embarrassed when he heard about the Airbnb price

[00:26:47] and wanted to save face with my side of the family.

[00:26:50] So he gave sister-in-law about $7,000

[00:26:52] to cover the cost of the house.

[00:26:54] She was supposed to refund us,

[00:26:56] but obviously that never happened.

[00:26:57] This is where it gets good.

[00:27:00] So my mom went total FBI

[00:27:02] and learned that in addition to not paying us,

[00:27:05] sister-in-law didn't put the money

[00:27:07] towards a different wedding expense either.

[00:27:09] She doesn't have it.

[00:27:11] So where did it go?

[00:27:12] What did she spend it on?

[00:27:14] There is currently a full-blown investigation

[00:27:17] going down between our two families right now.

[00:27:20] I've been asked by my mom

[00:27:21] not to alert the bridesmaids just yet

[00:27:23] until we get the last bits of info

[00:27:25] and come to a resolution

[00:27:27] with both sister-in-law and her dad.

[00:27:29] I will tell them ASAP one way or another.

[00:27:33] We'll come back tomorrow with another update.

[00:27:35] Wow, crazy.

[00:27:38] Update three.

[00:27:39] The plot thickens.

[00:27:43] OP's introductions, man.

[00:27:45] So as this drama is all unfolding,

[00:27:47] the maid of honor,

[00:27:48] who doesn't know what's going on yet,

[00:27:50] is continuing her duties.

[00:27:52] We all get a four-paragraph text from her

[00:27:54] outlining the dress code

[00:27:55] for each night of the Bachelorette.

[00:27:57] Per the bride's orders.

[00:27:59] Keep in mind,

[00:28:00] the bride is asking us all to go out

[00:28:01] and buy new outfits for each night of the trip.

[00:28:04] And the themes are wild.

[00:28:06] Animal print Thursday,

[00:28:08] faux fur Friday,

[00:28:09] sparkle dress Saturday,

[00:28:11] and Barbie brunch Sunday.

[00:28:12] As if we're all going to go out

[00:28:14] and buy that shit one week before the trip.

[00:28:17] Or at all.

[00:28:18] Thankfully,

[00:28:19] the bridesmaids seem to be waking up to the BS.

[00:28:22] Several of them wrote back saying

[00:28:23] they won't be able to pull together

[00:28:25] those outfits in time.

[00:28:26] And one flat out said

[00:28:27] it's just not going to happen.

[00:28:29] That's just a side story

[00:28:31] to the absolute shit show

[00:28:32] that is unfolding.

[00:28:33] My mom is very involved now

[00:28:35] and she's paid a decent chunk

[00:28:37] of this wedding as well.

[00:28:38] And does not like that

[00:28:39] the bride is throwing around

[00:28:40] thousands of dollars from her dad

[00:28:42] as well as lying to the bridal party.

[00:28:45] She set up a meeting

[00:28:46] directly with sister-in-law

[00:28:48] to cut the BS

[00:28:48] and explain what's going on.

[00:28:50] She told sister-in-law

[00:28:52] she's going to inform

[00:28:53] the bridesmaids herself

[00:28:54] unless she gets a valid answer.

[00:28:56] At this point,

[00:28:57] I'm just shoveling down popcorn

[00:28:59] waiting for the events to unfold.

[00:29:03] I will be back tonight

[00:29:05] with hopefully the final update.

[00:29:07] I think it's OP's excitement

[00:29:09] that's got me really hyped up

[00:29:10] in this story.

[00:29:11] It's like,

[00:29:11] here's the tea.

[00:29:13] Update 4.

[00:29:14] A swan ice sculpture.

[00:29:16] She used a 7K

[00:29:18] to book a swan-shaped ice sculpture

[00:29:20] to be displayed at the reception

[00:29:22] and didn't tell anyone.

[00:29:24] Turns out her dad banned her

[00:29:25] from adding any more extras

[00:29:27] to the wedding design

[00:29:28] because it was already

[00:29:29] so expensive and unnecessary.

[00:29:32] When he Venmo'd her

[00:29:33] for the Airbnb,

[00:29:34] she thought she was being sneaky

[00:29:35] and kept it instead.

[00:29:37] She didn't even tell my brother this.

[00:29:39] He only found out

[00:29:40] that her dad decided

[00:29:41] to cover the Airbnb

[00:29:42] because those two went out

[00:29:43] for cigars one night

[00:29:44] and it came up.

[00:29:45] So that mystery is solved

[00:29:47] thanks to my mini FBI crew.

[00:29:49] Now the real questions remain.

[00:29:51] Where the fuck is my $650

[00:29:53] and how to break the news

[00:29:55] to the other bridesmaids?

[00:29:56] How does the kindness

[00:29:57] of her soul,

[00:29:59] my mum is giving sister-in-law

[00:30:00] 24 hours to confess

[00:30:01] to the bridesmaids

[00:30:02] and figure out

[00:30:03] how to pay us back our money

[00:30:04] because you know what?

[00:30:06] I did not spend $650

[00:30:08] on some damn ice.

[00:30:10] I have kids to feed.

[00:30:11] I have bills to pay.

[00:30:13] It's taking everything in me

[00:30:14] not to text

[00:30:15] the bridesmaid group right now,

[00:30:16] but my mum is trying

[00:30:17] to give sister-in-law

[00:30:18] one opportunity

[00:30:19] to do the right thing.

[00:30:21] This has been a rollercoaster.

[00:30:23] Don't know if anyone here

[00:30:24] is still interested

[00:30:25] but let me know

[00:30:26] if I should post

[00:30:26] a final outcome

[00:30:27] with my bridesmaids

[00:30:28] in one last update.

[00:30:30] Lord have mercy.

[00:30:33] Update 5.

[00:30:34] Okay, as promised

[00:30:35] here is the latest tea

[00:30:36] served boiling hot.

[00:30:39] This is a long update

[00:30:41] and I'm going to try

[00:30:42] and get everything in.

[00:30:43] First,

[00:30:44] let's start with

[00:30:45] the bride's explanation

[00:30:46] to her family,

[00:30:47] myself,

[00:30:47] my mum,

[00:30:48] my brother,

[00:30:48] her fiancé

[00:30:49] and her dad.

[00:30:51] She broke down crying

[00:30:52] saying that wedding planning

[00:30:53] has been getting into her head

[00:30:54] and she has been crushed

[00:30:56] under the pressure

[00:30:57] to have the perfect wedding

[00:30:59] which she felt

[00:31:00] couldn't go on

[00:31:01] without the alleged

[00:31:02] ice one.

[00:31:03] I didn't buy her sob story.

[00:31:05] After this whole incident

[00:31:06] I think she is delusional,

[00:31:08] controlling,

[00:31:08] attention starving

[00:31:09] bridezilla

[00:31:10] who is using the wedding

[00:31:11] as a way to compete

[00:31:13] with other girls

[00:31:14] by the way,

[00:31:15] her job is

[00:31:16] influencer

[00:31:17] if I didn't mention that yet.

[00:31:19] My brother took the bait.

[00:31:21] To be honest,

[00:31:22] I don't even blame him.

[00:31:23] This is his future wife

[00:31:24] and he said

[00:31:25] he wants to help her

[00:31:27] with her mental health

[00:31:28] and get her back

[00:31:28] to a good place.

[00:31:30] He's disturbed

[00:31:30] by the situation

[00:31:31] but will continue

[00:31:32] to support her.

[00:31:34] The wedding is on

[00:31:34] for those

[00:31:35] who are curious.

[00:31:37] Next,

[00:31:38] let's get into

[00:31:39] the matter of

[00:31:39] the missing 7k

[00:31:40] and whether we're

[00:31:41] getting our money back.

[00:31:42] The sad,

[00:31:43] gut-wrenching answer,

[00:31:45] probably not.

[00:31:46] Her dad said

[00:31:47] he already paid

[00:31:48] the Airbnb cost

[00:31:49] once and

[00:31:49] he will not do it again.

[00:31:51] He said his daughter

[00:31:52] is 31

[00:31:52] and needs to get herself

[00:31:54] out of her own mess

[00:31:55] and figure out

[00:31:55] how to make it right.

[00:31:57] She chimed in

[00:31:58] that 7k is gone

[00:31:59] and asked

[00:31:59] how she would possibly

[00:32:01] pay us back.

[00:32:02] My brother refused

[00:32:03] to pay for her screw up.

[00:32:05] While I love

[00:32:06] that everyone

[00:32:06] is finally forcing

[00:32:07] this bee

[00:32:08] to be an adult,

[00:32:08] I would like

[00:32:09] my money back more.

[00:32:11] Unfortunately,

[00:32:12] we're not going to get it

[00:32:13] unless she magically

[00:32:14] wins a lottery

[00:32:15] or gets a real job.

[00:32:16] For those that asked,

[00:32:18] there is nothing

[00:32:18] we can do legally.

[00:32:19] We all willingly

[00:32:20] paid a fixed amount

[00:32:21] and we would have

[00:32:22] to move mountains

[00:32:23] and spend more cash

[00:32:24] to sue.

[00:32:25] Plus,

[00:32:26] while she was

[00:32:26] incredibly shady

[00:32:27] and a terrible friend,

[00:32:28] she technically

[00:32:29] didn't do anything

[00:32:30] wrong that we could prove.

[00:32:32] Now,

[00:32:32] onto the bridesmaid.

[00:32:34] After some threats

[00:32:35] from my mum,

[00:32:36] sister-in-law

[00:32:36] finally broke down

[00:32:37] and contacted

[00:32:38] the bridesmaids

[00:32:38] in our group chat.

[00:32:39] She sent a text

[00:32:41] that made my skin crawl.

[00:32:42] It read,

[00:32:44] Hey ladies,

[00:32:45] you're my bride squad

[00:32:46] so I feel compelled

[00:32:47] to share that my dad

[00:32:48] recently offered

[00:32:49] to pay for

[00:32:49] a bachelorette

[00:32:50] accommodations.

[00:32:51] However,

[00:32:52] being that the wedding

[00:32:52] is so expensive,

[00:32:53] I've decided

[00:32:54] to put his donation

[00:32:55] towards a wedding expense.

[00:32:56] I hope you all understand

[00:32:58] and I can't wait

[00:32:59] to party with you

[00:32:59] all next week.

[00:33:01] OP continues,

[00:33:02] Oh hell no.

[00:33:04] I immediately replied back

[00:33:06] making sure

[00:33:06] everyone knew

[00:33:07] the expense

[00:33:07] was an ice sculpture,

[00:33:09] an ice swan.

[00:33:11] Come on people.

[00:33:12] Many of them replied

[00:33:13] and expressed

[00:33:14] how they would

[00:33:15] have loved

[00:33:15] to use that 650

[00:33:16] for something

[00:33:17] more important.

[00:33:18] But ultimately,

[00:33:19] no one is backed out.

[00:33:21] One of the girls

[00:33:22] started a side chat

[00:33:22] without the bride

[00:33:23] and asked

[00:33:24] if there is any chance

[00:33:25] of getting our cash back

[00:33:26] if we force

[00:33:27] sister-in-law

[00:33:27] to cancel the reservation.

[00:33:29] Unfortunately,

[00:33:30] since we're only a week out,

[00:33:32] we aren't eligible

[00:33:33] for a refund.

[00:33:34] They decided

[00:33:35] to go through

[00:33:35] with the bachelorette

[00:33:36] or else it would be

[00:33:37] a literal waste

[00:33:38] of $650.

[00:33:40] As for myself,

[00:33:42] I'm in the same boat.

[00:33:43] I'd rather run myself over

[00:33:45] than go on this trip

[00:33:46] but $650

[00:33:47] is not a small amount

[00:33:48] and I can't fathom

[00:33:50] just throwing it

[00:33:50] down the drain.

[00:33:52] I haven't made

[00:33:53] my final decision yet.

[00:33:54] If I do go,

[00:33:55] it will solely be

[00:33:56] to avoid

[00:33:57] eating the $650

[00:33:58] plus my airfare.

[00:33:59] I will not be doing

[00:34:00] any of the planned events

[00:34:01] or outfits

[00:34:02] or contributing

[00:34:03] even $1 more.

[00:34:05] I'd have my own

[00:34:06] mini-vacation

[00:34:06] as best as I can.

[00:34:07] I'm really upset

[00:34:08] that it seems like

[00:34:09] this crazy person

[00:34:10] is going to get away

[00:34:11] after all.

[00:34:13] OP adds a mini-update

[00:34:15] and says

[00:34:15] there are so many

[00:34:16] curious comments

[00:34:17] coming in

[00:34:17] so I want to keep

[00:34:18] you in the loop.

[00:34:19] More drama has unfolded

[00:34:21] among the bridesmaids.

[00:34:22] A side text

[00:34:23] without the bride

[00:34:24] popped off

[00:34:24] and we have all

[00:34:25] agreed to do the following.

[00:34:27] One,

[00:34:27] we will be going

[00:34:28] on the trip

[00:34:28] but it is no longer

[00:34:30] a bachelorette trip.

[00:34:31] We will all be

[00:34:32] taking personal vacations

[00:34:33] with our hubbies

[00:34:34] and significant others

[00:34:35] or staying at the property.

[00:34:36] We are forced

[00:34:37] into this beachfront

[00:34:38] mansion plus airfare

[00:34:39] so we're going

[00:34:40] to make the most of it.

[00:34:41] Two,

[00:34:42] we've all backed out

[00:34:43] of hosting

[00:34:44] and paying for

[00:34:44] the bridal shower.

[00:34:45] The bride will need

[00:34:46] to find another way

[00:34:47] to move forward

[00:34:48] if she wants to have it.

[00:34:49] We will attend

[00:34:50] as guests

[00:34:51] if she has it

[00:34:51] and we will not

[00:34:53] be gifting anything.

[00:34:54] Mother of the bride

[00:34:55] is absolutely furious.

[00:34:58] More on this later.

[00:34:59] Three,

[00:35:00] letting the bride know

[00:35:01] she needs to

[00:35:02] cancel the ice swan

[00:35:04] trademarked

[00:35:04] and give us

[00:35:05] our money back.

[00:35:06] After some more research

[00:35:08] we doubt

[00:35:09] all of the 7k

[00:35:10] went towards

[00:35:10] the alleged swan

[00:35:11] because it doesn't

[00:35:12] seem likely

[00:35:12] they cost that much.

[00:35:13] I won't be back

[00:35:14] for a while

[00:35:15] because I want to

[00:35:15] save my next update

[00:35:16] for after the trip.

[00:35:18] Stay tuned.

[00:35:22] Holy moly

[00:35:23] as OP says

[00:35:24] that tea is steaming.

[00:35:25] It's boiling over

[00:35:26] at this point.

[00:35:27] I honestly

[00:35:27] I know

[00:35:28] there's drama

[00:35:29] in someone else's life

[00:35:30] and I shouldn't

[00:35:31] be excited for it

[00:35:32] but if I'm being

[00:35:33] completely honest

[00:35:34] I can't wait

[00:35:35] to see what happens here.

[00:35:36] It sent me off

[00:35:37] investigating

[00:35:38] Airbnb prices,

[00:35:40] ice sculpture prices,

[00:35:41] bloody 100cm by 50

[00:35:43] by 25

[00:35:44] can cost anywhere

[00:35:44] like 430 pounds.

[00:35:46] How big is this

[00:35:47] bloody swan?

[00:35:48] Or like OP said

[00:35:49] it's not all going

[00:35:50] towards a swan maybe.

[00:35:51] And what's going to

[00:35:52] happen in between?

[00:35:53] Are they just going

[00:35:53] to turn up to this

[00:35:54] Airbnb and then

[00:35:55] not greet her

[00:35:56] and not have any

[00:35:56] communication with her?

[00:35:58] Oh man

[00:35:59] I think this is going

[00:36:00] to get real spicy.

[00:36:02] I will certainly

[00:36:03] be keeping a lookout

[00:36:03] for that update

[00:36:05] but what do you guys

[00:36:07] make of this situation?

[00:36:08] Holy tea.

[00:36:10] Let us know your

[00:36:10] thoughts down in the

[00:36:11] comments below

[00:36:12] and let's move on.

[00:36:16] And our next story

[00:36:17] does have an update

[00:36:18] as well.

[00:36:19] It's from

[00:36:21] VastFruits7116

[00:36:22] from the true

[00:36:22] off my chest

[00:36:23] subreddit.

[00:36:24] Before we do get

[00:36:24] into the story

[00:36:25] I want to give you

[00:36:26] a couple of warnings

[00:36:27] in case you want

[00:36:27] to skip it.

[00:36:28] It'll probably be

[00:36:28] the last story

[00:36:29] of this video

[00:36:30] but timestamps

[00:36:31] are always down

[00:36:31] in the description

[00:36:32] anyway and along

[00:36:33] the timeline below.

[00:36:35] It does contain

[00:36:36] body shaming,

[00:36:37] body dysmorphia

[00:36:38] and mentions

[00:36:39] of an eating disorder

[00:36:40] as well.

[00:36:41] Titled

[00:36:42] I hurt the nicest

[00:36:43] person I've ever met.

[00:36:46] This is a throwaway

[00:36:47] as all people involved

[00:36:48] are avid redditors.

[00:36:50] I need to tell

[00:36:51] someone what I did.

[00:36:52] I feel guilty

[00:36:53] every single day

[00:36:54] for what I said

[00:36:54] four months ago

[00:36:55] and I do not know

[00:36:56] what to do in order

[00:36:57] to be able to move

[00:36:58] on and focus

[00:36:59] on my life.

[00:37:00] So I came here

[00:37:01] hoping that I can

[00:37:02] find my peace

[00:37:03] after writing this

[00:37:03] for complete strangers.

[00:37:05] I, 30 male,

[00:37:07] have a friend

[00:37:07] since childhood.

[00:37:09] Clark, 26 male.

[00:37:10] Clark married July,

[00:37:12] 24 female,

[00:37:13] two years ago.

[00:37:14] This summer,

[00:37:15] Clark and July

[00:37:15] invited some of

[00:37:16] their friends

[00:37:17] including me

[00:37:18] to their new house

[00:37:18] in the mountains.

[00:37:20] They have a pool,

[00:37:21] a jacuzzi

[00:37:21] and a room for games

[00:37:23] in which there are

[00:37:23] some arcade games.

[00:37:25] We spent there

[00:37:26] one week

[00:37:26] and it was amazing.

[00:37:28] In the first day,

[00:37:29] I was talking to Clark

[00:37:30] and I told him

[00:37:31] I wish I were confident

[00:37:32] enough to go swimming.

[00:37:33] I was obese

[00:37:34] for my entire life

[00:37:35] but in the last year

[00:37:36] I managed to lose

[00:37:37] over 60 kilograms.

[00:37:38] I went every day

[00:37:39] to the gym

[00:37:40] and I kept a strict diet

[00:37:41] and it was worth it.

[00:37:43] However,

[00:37:43] now I have a lot

[00:37:44] of loose skin

[00:37:45] all around my belly.

[00:37:47] I told all of these

[00:37:48] to Clark

[00:37:49] and Julie overheard us.

[00:37:50] She was very nice

[00:37:52] and said that my loose skin

[00:37:53] is the result

[00:37:54] of a very impressive journey

[00:37:55] so I should not

[00:37:57] feel ashamed of it.

[00:37:58] She encouraged me

[00:37:59] to go swimming

[00:37:59] if I wanted to

[00:38:00] and assured me

[00:38:01] that nobody is perfect.

[00:38:03] She even joked

[00:38:04] that her stretch marks

[00:38:04] are more visible

[00:38:05] than my loose skin.

[00:38:07] The next day

[00:38:08] in the morning,

[00:38:09] Julie was the only one

[00:38:10] at the pool.

[00:38:10] She has extremely light skin

[00:38:12] and she only stays

[00:38:13] in the sun

[00:38:14] during early morning hours

[00:38:15] and late afternoon hours.

[00:38:17] I wanted to go swimming

[00:38:18] but I was reluctant

[00:38:19] to do this

[00:38:20] while she was there.

[00:38:21] She was again

[00:38:22] very supportive

[00:38:23] and even said

[00:38:24] she can go back inside

[00:38:25] if I wanted to be alone.

[00:38:26] I appreciated this

[00:38:28] but it did not seem fair

[00:38:29] so I just sat

[00:38:30] on the edge

[00:38:31] of the pool

[00:38:31] and talked to her.

[00:38:32] It was the first time

[00:38:33] I've ever been alone

[00:38:34] with her

[00:38:35] and I realized

[00:38:35] she must be one

[00:38:36] of the nicest people

[00:38:37] I know.

[00:38:38] During that week,

[00:38:39] every morning

[00:38:40] I woke up very early

[00:38:41] hoping that Julie

[00:38:42] would not be at the pool

[00:38:43] so I can go swimming

[00:38:44] but every morning

[00:38:45] she was there.

[00:38:46] At some point

[00:38:47] I just got rid

[00:38:48] of my t-shirt

[00:38:48] and started swimming

[00:38:49] in front of her.

[00:38:51] Her reaction

[00:38:51] was so nice.

[00:38:53] Not once

[00:38:53] she looked at my loose skin

[00:38:55] and she talked to me

[00:38:56] like nothing happened.

[00:38:57] When she went back inside

[00:38:58] she said

[00:38:59] in a very serious tone

[00:39:00] that I was right

[00:39:01] to be concerned

[00:39:02] and not want to be seen

[00:39:03] without my t-shirt.

[00:39:04] She said

[00:39:04] all the single girls

[00:39:05] would probably pass out

[00:39:06] if they saw me swimming.

[00:39:08] I laughed

[00:39:08] and thanked her

[00:39:09] for her support

[00:39:10] and kindness.

[00:39:11] During the last day

[00:39:13] I was talking to Julie

[00:39:14] and thanked her again.

[00:39:16] She said

[00:39:16] she felt concerned

[00:39:17] and anxious

[00:39:17] about her body

[00:39:18] for many years

[00:39:19] but Clark helped her

[00:39:20] and now she feels

[00:39:21] more confident than ever.

[00:39:22] I looked at her

[00:39:23] and just saw

[00:39:24] all her flaws.

[00:39:25] She was overweight

[00:39:27] pale like a vampire

[00:39:28] and not a single feature

[00:39:29] was beautiful

[00:39:30] or appealing.

[00:39:31] She looked so common

[00:39:32] like a background character

[00:39:33] in a very underwhelming movie.

[00:39:35] In that moment

[00:39:36] my big stupid mouth

[00:39:37] just said to her

[00:39:38] what my brain thought

[00:39:39] without any filter.

[00:39:41] I figured that

[00:39:42] if you're confident enough

[00:39:43] to wear a swimsuit

[00:39:44] I should also feel confident.

[00:39:46] I mean

[00:39:46] you did not even go to the gym

[00:39:48] and you're not on any diet

[00:39:49] but you're having fun

[00:39:50] no matter what people

[00:39:51] think about you.

[00:39:53] I saw a smile fading away

[00:39:55] and she suddenly looked so sad.

[00:39:57] She said I was right

[00:39:58] and walked away.

[00:40:00] Immediately

[00:40:01] I felt so stupid

[00:40:02] for what I said.

[00:40:03] She was nice and kind

[00:40:05] and in return

[00:40:05] I told her

[00:40:06] she should not be so confident

[00:40:07] in her body.

[00:40:09] She showed me a lot of support

[00:40:10] and I hurt her.

[00:40:11] I apologized that day

[00:40:13] many times

[00:40:13] but each time

[00:40:14] she just said it was okay.

[00:40:16] She never told Clark

[00:40:17] anything

[00:40:18] as he acted the same

[00:40:19] towards me

[00:40:20] which is even worse

[00:40:22] because it means

[00:40:22] she's even nicer

[00:40:23] than I thought.

[00:40:24] Since that day

[00:40:25] I saw Julie

[00:40:26] only a few times

[00:40:27] and each time

[00:40:28] I apologized.

[00:40:29] However she is still

[00:40:30] cold with me

[00:40:31] and doesn't speak with me

[00:40:32] at all if we are alone.

[00:40:34] Tomorrow

[00:40:34] I will meet her again

[00:40:36] for Christmas.

[00:40:36] I bought her a present

[00:40:38] a book she really wanted

[00:40:39] but could not find it anywhere.

[00:40:41] I just hope

[00:40:42] after I give her the present

[00:40:43] she will forgive me

[00:40:44] or at least

[00:40:45] she will see how much

[00:40:46] I regret my words.

[00:40:48] This one literally

[00:40:49] had me going

[00:40:50] what the fuck

[00:40:51] in the middle

[00:40:52] when you said

[00:40:52] you've met

[00:40:53] like the kindest person

[00:40:54] you've ever met.

[00:40:56] Someone who's treating you

[00:40:57] with compassion

[00:40:58] kindness

[00:40:59] you know

[00:40:59] trying to boost you

[00:41:01] and then you came out

[00:41:02] with that comment

[00:41:03] about seeing all her flaws

[00:41:05] and that is just

[00:41:08] I didn't know

[00:41:08] what to make of that.

[00:41:09] I was like

[00:41:10] what the fuck

[00:41:10] I just can't get

[00:41:12] how words like that

[00:41:13] can slip out of your mouth

[00:41:15] and I'm talking about

[00:41:15] when he said

[00:41:16] I figured

[00:41:16] I figured that

[00:41:17] if you're confident

[00:41:18] enough to wear a swimsuit

[00:41:19] I should feel confident.

[00:41:21] I mean

[00:41:21] and I just don't think

[00:41:23] there's any coming back

[00:41:24] from that.

[00:41:25] I mean

[00:41:25] you'll be extremely lucky

[00:41:26] if she does turn around

[00:41:27] and start talking to you

[00:41:28] but to keep chasing it now

[00:41:29] it just feels like

[00:41:30] you're doing it

[00:41:31] for your own sort of benefit

[00:41:32] if you like.

[00:41:33] But Opie did update the post

[00:41:35] a lot of comments

[00:41:36] said pretty much

[00:41:36] the same thing here

[00:41:38] some people even saying

[00:41:39] that you know

[00:41:39] he knew what he was saying

[00:41:41] from the very start.

[00:41:42] Opie said

[00:41:43] I do not know exactly

[00:41:45] how to link my previous post

[00:41:46] but I heard a nice

[00:41:47] and kind woman

[00:41:48] Julie

[00:41:49] with a very rude

[00:41:50] and unnecessary comment

[00:41:51] about her appearance.

[00:41:52] I said sorry multiple times

[00:41:54] and for Christmas

[00:41:55] I bought her a book

[00:41:56] that she really wanted

[00:41:57] but could not find anywhere.

[00:41:58] This brings me to the events

[00:42:00] that took place

[00:42:01] at Christmas dinner.

[00:42:02] First I want to say

[00:42:03] that I cannot cut contact

[00:42:04] with Julie

[00:42:05] as many suggested

[00:42:06] in my previous post

[00:42:07] because her husband

[00:42:08] Clark

[00:42:08] is my childhood best friend.

[00:42:10] So we had our

[00:42:11] annual Christmas dinner.

[00:42:13] We were 16 friends

[00:42:14] and we gathered

[00:42:15] at one of our

[00:42:15] common friends house.

[00:42:17] I said hi to Julie

[00:42:18] and Clark

[00:42:19] and we started talking.

[00:42:20] Julie

[00:42:21] was still cold

[00:42:22] so I asked

[00:42:22] if I can talk a bit

[00:42:23] to her.

[00:42:24] She was reluctant

[00:42:25] but Clark

[00:42:26] who doesn't know

[00:42:26] about what I said

[00:42:27] to Julie

[00:42:27] in the summer

[00:42:28] excused himself

[00:42:29] and left us alone.

[00:42:31] I gave her the book

[00:42:32] and I told her

[00:42:32] I regret what I said

[00:42:34] and I understand

[00:42:34] that she never wants

[00:42:35] to talk to me again

[00:42:36] but I cannot cut contact

[00:42:38] with them

[00:42:38] as Clark

[00:42:38] is still my friend.

[00:42:40] I said that I was

[00:42:41] and I still am struggling

[00:42:42] with my own image

[00:42:43] and self-hatred

[00:42:44] and I'm currently

[00:42:45] in contact

[00:42:46] with a therapist

[00:42:47] and I will start

[00:42:47] therapy sessions

[00:42:48] in January

[00:42:49] in order not

[00:42:50] to hurt other people.

[00:42:51] I apologized again

[00:42:53] and I said

[00:42:53] I never want to hurt her

[00:42:55] as she is the nicest

[00:42:56] person I have ever met.

[00:42:57] She accepted my gift

[00:42:59] but told me

[00:42:59] that my words

[00:43:00] not only hurt her deeply

[00:43:01] but also made her

[00:43:02] struggle again

[00:43:03] with an eating disorder.

[00:43:05] When I said

[00:43:05] those things to her

[00:43:06] she was actually

[00:43:07] having a good relation

[00:43:08] with food

[00:43:08] and she was going

[00:43:09] to the gym.

[00:43:10] When I told her

[00:43:11] she did not look like

[00:43:12] having a diet

[00:43:13] or doing sport

[00:43:14] she relapsed

[00:43:15] and could not eat

[00:43:16] properly for a few weeks

[00:43:17] losing a lot of weight.

[00:43:19] She told me

[00:43:20] she always thought

[00:43:21] highly of me

[00:43:21] because of all the things

[00:43:22] Clark had said to her.

[00:43:24] This is why

[00:43:25] my words affected her

[00:43:26] so much.

[00:43:27] She said she was

[00:43:28] happy to know

[00:43:29] that I will address

[00:43:29] my problems

[00:43:30] with a specialist

[00:43:31] and insisted

[00:43:32] that our next discussion

[00:43:33] should be after

[00:43:34] at least five sessions.

[00:43:35] She ended by telling me

[00:43:37] that she wants

[00:43:38] our relation

[00:43:38] to be as before

[00:43:39] but I need help

[00:43:40] and she needs time

[00:43:41] to figure out

[00:43:42] how not to be mad at me.

[00:43:44] We did not talk

[00:43:44] much after this

[00:43:45] but when I was leaving

[00:43:47] she said goodbye

[00:43:47] and even shook my hand.

[00:43:49] I think we're

[00:43:50] on the right path

[00:43:51] and I may be

[00:43:52] having her back

[00:43:52] as my friend.

[00:43:54] Wow.

[00:43:55] Now I'm going to

[00:43:56] turn this one

[00:43:57] to you guys.

[00:43:58] What do you guys

[00:43:59] make of this

[00:44:00] situation?

[00:44:01] Let me know

[00:44:02] your thoughts

[00:44:03] down in the comments

[00:44:04] below.

[00:44:04] And our next story

[00:44:05] comes from

[00:44:06] Am I the arsehole

[00:44:07] here for wanting

[00:44:08] separation

[00:44:08] and co-parenting

[00:44:10] instead of working

[00:44:11] on my marriage.

[00:44:12] When my husband

[00:44:13] 29 male

[00:44:14] and I

[00:44:15] 27 female

[00:44:16] decided to have a kid

[00:44:17] I thought we had

[00:44:18] a happy marriage

[00:44:19] and a financially

[00:44:20] stable future.

[00:44:21] My pregnancy

[00:44:22] was high risk

[00:44:23] and with the health

[00:44:24] complications

[00:44:25] I was going to

[00:44:26] end up using

[00:44:26] a good chunk

[00:44:27] of my medical

[00:44:27] leave before

[00:44:28] the kid was born.

[00:44:29] So together

[00:44:30] we decided

[00:44:31] that I'd quit

[00:44:32] my job

[00:44:32] and be a

[00:44:33] stay at home

[00:44:33] mum for a few

[00:44:34] years

[00:44:34] and then go

[00:44:35] back into

[00:44:36] the workforce.

[00:44:37] After our son

[00:44:38] was born

[00:44:39] I had PPD

[00:44:40] and severe

[00:44:41] anxiety

[00:44:41] had complications

[00:44:43] in recovery

[00:44:43] and no help

[00:44:44] from family.

[00:44:45] I had low

[00:44:46] contact from my

[00:44:47] family

[00:44:48] and my mother

[00:44:48] in law

[00:44:49] had passed

[00:44:49] away

[00:44:50] and father

[00:44:50] in law

[00:44:51] had no interest

[00:44:52] in helping.

[00:44:53] My husband

[00:44:53] expected me

[00:44:54] to be a full

[00:44:55] housewife

[00:44:55] as soon as

[00:44:56] we got home

[00:44:56] with the baby

[00:44:57] and stopped

[00:44:58] helping with

[00:44:58] anything home

[00:44:59] or baby

[00:44:59] related

[00:45:00] because it

[00:45:01] was my

[00:45:01] job now.

[00:45:02] I was lucky

[00:45:03] to get involved

[00:45:04] with a mum's

[00:45:04] group that helped

[00:45:05] me a lot

[00:45:06] because otherwise

[00:45:06] I was very lonely

[00:45:08] and stressed.

[00:45:09] When our son

[00:45:10] was 10 months

[00:45:11] old I saw

[00:45:12] some messages

[00:45:13] on my husband's

[00:45:13] phone indicating

[00:45:14] that he was

[00:45:15] having an affair.

[00:45:17] I don't know

[00:45:17] when it started

[00:45:18] but a lot

[00:45:19] of his work

[00:45:20] in late

[00:45:20] was because

[00:45:20] of that.

[00:45:21] At that time

[00:45:22] my mental health

[00:45:23] was not good

[00:45:24] and I became

[00:45:24] scared he'd

[00:45:25] divorce me

[00:45:26] and take my

[00:45:26] baby.

[00:45:27] My reaction

[00:45:28] wasn't even

[00:45:29] anger at him.

[00:45:30] It was as if

[00:45:31] my love for him

[00:45:32] had disappeared

[00:45:32] and was replaced

[00:45:33] by abject fear.

[00:45:35] I didn't confront

[00:45:36] him and he didn't

[00:45:37] realize that I knew.

[00:45:38] I ignored it

[00:45:39] and tried to deal

[00:45:40] with all my issues

[00:45:41] myself while

[00:45:41] living in a

[00:45:42] constant fear

[00:45:43] of getting kicked

[00:45:43] out without my son.

[00:45:45] I know that

[00:45:46] wasn't a reasonable

[00:45:47] assumption and

[00:45:48] I have rights

[00:45:48] but I can't

[00:45:49] explain why my

[00:45:50] head was stuck

[00:45:51] in that mode

[00:45:51] back then.

[00:45:52] I moved into

[00:45:53] my son's room

[00:45:54] separated myself

[00:45:55] from my husband

[00:45:56] but kept being

[00:45:57] a good stay at home

[00:45:58] mum.

[00:45:58] The sad thing is

[00:46:00] that he didn't

[00:46:00] even realize that

[00:46:01] I wasn't living

[00:46:02] in our room

[00:46:02] anymore.

[00:46:03] He got home

[00:46:04] cooked meals

[00:46:05] a clean house

[00:46:06] and got to play

[00:46:07] with our son

[00:46:07] whenever he was

[00:46:08] home and didn't

[00:46:09] care about me

[00:46:10] at all.

[00:46:11] When our son

[00:46:12] was two

[00:46:12] I got a job

[00:46:13] and needed to

[00:46:14] put him in

[00:46:14] daycare.

[00:46:15] My husband was

[00:46:16] opposed to that

[00:46:17] because he liked

[00:46:18] how things were

[00:46:18] and wasn't

[00:46:19] willing to pay

[00:46:20] for it.

[00:46:20] I went ahead

[00:46:21] with getting

[00:46:22] employed and

[00:46:22] the majority

[00:46:23] of my paycheck

[00:46:24] goes to pay

[00:46:25] for the daycare.

[00:46:26] The rest is my

[00:46:27] car payment and

[00:46:28] a very little bit

[00:46:28] for savings.

[00:46:30] Over the last

[00:46:31] few weeks my

[00:46:32] husband has been

[00:46:33] home more and

[00:46:34] acting depressed

[00:46:34] and I found out

[00:46:36] that his affair

[00:46:36] partner has dumped

[00:46:37] him.

[00:46:38] Now he's acting

[00:46:39] like the past

[00:46:39] three years were

[00:46:40] normal and wants

[00:46:41] intimacy and

[00:46:42] regular relations

[00:46:43] with me.

[00:46:44] I told him that

[00:46:45] our relationship

[00:46:45] was over when

[00:46:46] he stepped out

[00:46:46] of his marriage

[00:46:47] and he can go

[00:46:48] and start a

[00:46:48] different affair

[00:46:49] if the first

[00:46:50] one didn't

[00:46:50] pan out.

[00:46:51] He got angry

[00:46:52] about that and

[00:46:52] accused me of

[00:46:53] being a cold

[00:46:54] hearted gold

[00:46:55] digger.

[00:46:55] He put me

[00:46:56] through agony

[00:46:57] and hell and

[00:46:58] I am here

[00:46:58] because I love

[00:46:59] my son and

[00:47:00] want to be

[00:47:00] with him every

[00:47:01] day.

[00:47:02] Not 50% of

[00:47:03] custody so I am

[00:47:04] dealing.

[00:47:04] But he believes

[00:47:06] he's the wrong

[00:47:06] party here.

[00:47:08] I've become

[00:47:09] accustomed to

[00:47:10] the situation

[00:47:10] and I'm okay

[00:47:11] with us living

[00:47:12] separately like

[00:47:13] roommates and

[00:47:13] raising our

[00:47:14] son.

[00:47:14] I don't care

[00:47:15] who he dates

[00:47:16] or loves or

[00:47:17] fucks.

[00:47:17] If things

[00:47:18] change down the

[00:47:19] line when my

[00:47:19] son is going

[00:47:20] to school and

[00:47:21] is less

[00:47:21] dependent on

[00:47:22] me or if I

[00:47:23] fall in love

[00:47:23] with someone

[00:47:24] then yeah I'd

[00:47:25] file for

[00:47:25] divorce.

[00:47:26] If he wants

[00:47:27] a divorce that's

[00:47:28] okay too.

[00:47:29] I've consulted

[00:47:29] with a divorce

[00:47:30] lawyer already and

[00:47:31] I know I'll get

[00:47:32] half of the equity

[00:47:33] in our house.

[00:47:33] Half of his

[00:47:34] 401k and either

[00:47:36] child support or

[00:47:37] shared expenses into

[00:47:38] our son's needs.

[00:47:40] Living in this

[00:47:40] house with our

[00:47:41] son is more

[00:47:42] convenient for me

[00:47:43] right now.

[00:47:44] He's arguing that

[00:47:45] because I didn't

[00:47:45] say anything when I

[00:47:46] found out about

[00:47:47] the affair I have

[00:47:48] no right to bring

[00:47:49] it up now that

[00:47:50] it is over.

[00:47:51] My parents agree

[00:47:52] with him and say

[00:47:53] that since I chose

[00:47:54] to ignore the

[00:47:55] affair it has no

[00:47:56] bearing on our

[00:47:56] relationship now.

[00:47:58] My husband wants

[00:47:59] to go into

[00:47:59] marriage counseling

[00:48:00] but I don't see

[00:48:01] a point to that.

[00:48:02] The only two

[00:48:03] options acceptable

[00:48:04] to me are the

[00:48:05] status quo as is

[00:48:06] now or divorce.

[00:48:08] Does that make me

[00:48:09] an asshole?

[00:48:10] Now we do have

[00:48:12] an update and some

[00:48:12] comments in a

[00:48:13] moment but yeah

[00:48:15] immediately I think

[00:48:16] the obvious thing

[00:48:17] that I'm going to

[00:48:17] say is divorce this

[00:48:18] guy and you know

[00:48:19] your parents backing

[00:48:21] him up as well.

[00:48:22] Yeah I wouldn't

[00:48:23] want much to do

[00:48:23] with them.

[00:48:24] Them telling their

[00:48:24] daughter that they

[00:48:25] should stay with a

[00:48:26] man who cheated

[00:48:27] on them.

[00:48:28] What the fuck is

[00:48:28] that logic?

[00:48:29] And I can totally

[00:48:30] understand OP wanting

[00:48:32] what's best for their

[00:48:33] child but you know

[00:48:35] and it's like always

[00:48:37] it's very easy for me

[00:48:38] to say outside the

[00:48:39] situation questioning

[00:48:40] is that really best

[00:48:42] for your child?

[00:48:43] Because you know if

[00:48:44] you was to stay in

[00:48:45] this house where

[00:48:46] you're not having a

[00:48:47] relationship you don't

[00:48:48] really like this guy

[00:48:49] he's treating you

[00:48:51] like absolute shit.

[00:48:52] These are the things

[00:48:53] that you want your

[00:48:54] child to see.

[00:48:55] Of course you know

[00:48:56] 50% custody is going

[00:48:58] to be difficult as

[00:49:00] well but he's treated

[00:49:02] you like crap and you

[00:49:03] simply don't deserve

[00:49:05] that and your child

[00:49:06] will pick up on these

[00:49:08] little things that do

[00:49:08] happen in your house.

[00:49:09] We've seen it time and

[00:49:10] time again in these

[00:49:12] stories and you

[00:49:13] simply deserve so much

[00:49:16] better.

[00:49:17] A glittering job

[00:49:18] 7996 says not the

[00:49:20] arsehole please divorce

[00:49:21] him.

[00:49:22] Him and your parents

[00:49:23] are arseholes.

[00:49:24] I can't believe your

[00:49:25] parent would want you

[00:49:26] to stay with someone

[00:49:27] who cheated.

[00:49:29] Lopey says I am low

[00:49:30] contact with my parents

[00:49:31] because they are like

[00:49:32] this.

[00:49:32] I reached out to them

[00:49:33] and I know they are

[00:49:34] not right but it's

[00:49:35] hard to ignore doubts.

[00:49:37] Would I be morally

[00:49:38] wrong if I stick around

[00:49:39] for another few years

[00:49:40] so I have 100%

[00:49:41] custody and also

[00:49:43] comfortable living

[00:49:43] while my baby is so

[00:49:45] little?

[00:49:45] He's saying that me

[00:49:46] not confronting him

[00:49:47] about this affair and

[00:49:48] wanting to be a

[00:49:49] co-parent not a wife

[00:49:50] makes me a gold

[00:49:51] digger.

[00:49:52] Pretty Lucia replies

[00:49:54] that saying your

[00:49:54] strength and focus on

[00:49:55] your child's well-being

[00:49:56] are commendable.

[00:49:58] You endure challenges

[00:49:59] and betrayal and your

[00:50:00] decision to maintain

[00:50:01] the status quo or

[00:50:02] pursue divorce is

[00:50:03] entirely justified.

[00:50:05] Your resilience doesn't

[00:50:06] make you an arsehole

[00:50:07] it makes you a

[00:50:08] dedicated parent.

[00:50:10] Real Difficulty says

[00:50:11] please divorce that

[00:50:12] man he's the arsehole.

[00:50:14] Lopey says I've looked

[00:50:16] into it but it's such a

[00:50:17] messy process and I

[00:50:19] don't even have enough

[00:50:19] time to sleep.

[00:50:21] On top of that the

[00:50:22] complication of finding

[00:50:23] another place to live

[00:50:24] doesn't benefit me I

[00:50:25] think to do that right

[00:50:26] now but if he does all

[00:50:28] the work then I'll just

[00:50:29] sign the paperwork with

[00:50:30] my lawyer of course.

[00:50:32] But starting it all

[00:50:32] myself feels daunting.

[00:50:36] Illustrator Slow replies

[00:50:37] to Opisa and you

[00:50:38] can't safely be roommates

[00:50:39] with someone who is

[00:50:40] angry with you.

[00:50:41] He's going to start

[00:50:42] bullying you back into

[00:50:43] the box he created for

[00:50:44] you before you know it

[00:50:45] and this is not what

[00:50:46] your child should be

[00:50:47] learning about

[00:50:48] relationships.

[00:50:49] You fall so hard to

[00:50:50] get back to work and

[00:50:51] get your own money in

[00:50:52] your pocket to improve

[00:50:53] your self image.

[00:50:54] Don't throw all that

[00:50:56] hard work away now.

[00:50:57] You will chip away at

[00:50:58] it very very easily.

[00:51:00] The model of co-parenting

[00:51:01] from one home is only

[00:51:02] really achievable for

[00:51:04] people who still like

[00:51:05] each other as friends

[00:51:06] but have no romantic

[00:51:07] feelings for each

[00:51:08] other left.

[00:51:09] You don't want to

[00:51:10] date him and you

[00:51:11] don't even like him

[00:51:12] and he doesn't want

[00:51:18] but they won't

[00:51:18] realize it's not

[00:51:19] normal to dislike

[00:51:20] your spouse.

[00:51:21] This will be your

[00:51:22] child's normal.

[00:51:23] It's the baseline for

[00:51:24] which all their adult

[00:51:25] relationships will be

[00:51:26] formed.

[00:51:27] If you want your

[00:51:28] child to eventually

[00:51:28] have a marriage full of

[00:51:30] love and respect

[00:51:30] this is not the way

[00:51:32] to go about it.

[00:51:33] So around a month

[00:51:34] later after that post

[00:51:35] OP came in with

[00:51:36] her update and says

[00:51:37] we have been having

[00:51:38] non-stop arguments.

[00:51:40] I tried disengaging

[00:51:41] and grey rocking

[00:51:42] but that didn't help.

[00:51:44] He swings between

[00:51:45] love bombing and being

[00:51:46] around all the time

[00:51:47] to yelling and

[00:51:48] raging at me.

[00:51:49] I agreed to

[00:51:50] couples counselling

[00:51:51] with a goal of

[00:51:51] having a better

[00:51:52] co-parenting arrangement.

[00:51:54] He told the

[00:51:55] counsellor he still

[00:51:55] wants the marriage

[00:51:56] to work out.

[00:51:57] We had some

[00:51:58] proper organised

[00:51:59] discussions so that

[00:52:00] was useful.

[00:52:01] We were both

[00:52:02] asked to lay out

[00:52:02] our resentments.

[00:52:03] Mine was the

[00:52:04] years long affair

[00:52:06] obviously.

[00:52:06] I don't think

[00:52:07] anything beyond

[00:52:08] that needs to be

[00:52:09] said but of

[00:52:10] course there's the

[00:52:10] neglect, the lack

[00:52:11] of help, the

[00:52:12] absence from home and

[00:52:13] that I have to pay

[00:52:14] for our son's daycare

[00:52:16] from him.

[00:52:17] His list of

[00:52:18] resentments were a

[00:52:19] doozy.

[00:52:19] He says that I

[00:52:20] ruined his

[00:52:21] experience of

[00:52:21] becoming a father

[00:52:22] because I was

[00:52:23] difficult and

[00:52:23] neurotic.

[00:52:24] My painful

[00:52:25] pregnancy and

[00:52:26] medical complications

[00:52:27] were unnecessary

[00:52:28] drama to him.

[00:52:29] When we agreed that

[00:52:30] I'd be a stay-at-home

[00:52:31] mum till our son

[00:52:32] started school, he

[00:52:33] was envisioning a

[00:52:34] picture of a

[00:52:35] perfect home with a

[00:52:36] beautiful wife and

[00:52:37] a child who

[00:52:38] catered to him.

[00:52:39] He's upset the

[00:52:40] reality was nothing

[00:52:41] like that and is

[00:52:42] convinced that I

[00:52:43] tricked him.

[00:52:43] He's a selfish

[00:52:44] idiot but he was

[00:52:46] also encouraged and

[00:52:47] enabled by people

[00:52:47] around him who

[00:52:48] talked this up,

[00:52:49] including my

[00:52:50] parents.

[00:52:51] I've always known

[00:52:52] that my parents

[00:52:53] didn't love me much

[00:52:54] but I've come to

[00:52:55] realise that they

[00:52:56] resent me and

[00:52:57] look down on me.

[00:52:58] The first year of

[00:52:59] our son's life, he

[00:53:00] was a bit sickly,

[00:53:01] creamy and had acid

[00:53:02] reflux, so he

[00:53:04] was clingy to me.

[00:53:05] He resents me for

[00:53:06] that too.

[00:53:07] Now that son's a

[00:53:08] healthy toddler that

[00:53:09] can run around and

[00:53:10] throw ball, he's

[00:53:11] more interested in

[00:53:12] engaging with him.

[00:53:12] The whole thing was

[00:53:14] a pretty painful

[00:53:15] exercise for me.

[00:53:16] I restarted my own

[00:53:17] individual therapy,

[00:53:19] had made myself

[00:53:20] numb to his

[00:53:20] actions.

[00:53:21] I grew up that

[00:53:22] way thanks to my

[00:53:23] neglectful parents and

[00:53:24] was ignoring issues

[00:53:25] to focus on my

[00:53:26] son, but my

[00:53:27] husband did a good

[00:53:28] job of opening up

[00:53:29] all the scabs.

[00:53:30] I learned a lot

[00:53:32] more than I wanted

[00:53:32] to about his affair

[00:53:33] partner too.

[00:53:34] Now that I am

[00:53:35] physically recovered,

[00:53:37] lost a lot of

[00:53:37] weight, ironically

[00:53:38] from stress, and

[00:53:39] look well put

[00:53:40] together, I am

[00:53:41] good enough to be

[00:53:42] his partner again.

[00:53:43] Anyway, I filed

[00:53:45] for divorce.

[00:53:45] I think it would

[00:53:46] take a year and

[00:53:47] then some for it

[00:53:48] to go through.

[00:53:49] I stay here and

[00:53:50] not move out till

[00:53:50] we sell the house

[00:53:51] and divide assets.

[00:53:53] Gwen asks

[00:53:54] Opie a question

[00:53:54] after that, says

[00:53:55] good job, and

[00:53:56] my nosy ass is

[00:53:57] so curious what

[00:53:58] your couple's

[00:53:58] counsellor said to

[00:53:59] all of his BS.

[00:54:01] Opie says,

[00:54:02] our counsellor

[00:54:02] tries to put

[00:54:03] everything as a

[00:54:03] question instead of

[00:54:04] making statements.

[00:54:05] At one point, he

[00:54:06] asked him why he

[00:54:07] thinks my mother,

[00:54:08] who only saw me

[00:54:09] twice throughout my

[00:54:10] pregnancy, has a

[00:54:11] better understanding

[00:54:11] of my medical

[00:54:12] needs than the

[00:54:13] OBGYN who was

[00:54:14] treating me.

[00:54:15] He kept arguing

[00:54:16] that I was

[00:54:17] exaggerating the

[00:54:18] doctor's concern,

[00:54:19] even though I

[00:54:20] had the printed

[00:54:20] notes of the

[00:54:21] diagnosis and

[00:54:22] doctor recommendations.

[00:54:23] My mother has a

[00:54:25] long history of

[00:54:25] avoiding doing

[00:54:26] anything for me

[00:54:27] by being dismissive,

[00:54:28] so things affecting

[00:54:29] me are never

[00:54:30] important enough

[00:54:31] or problematic

[00:54:32] enough to involve

[00:54:33] any work from

[00:54:33] her.

[00:54:34] My husband knows

[00:54:35] she's like this,

[00:54:36] but is still round

[00:54:37] with it.

[00:54:37] See, even your

[00:54:38] mother thinks you

[00:54:39] are making

[00:54:39] things up.

[00:54:40] And a final

[00:54:41] comment with

[00:54:41] response from

[00:54:42] Tiamat Fire

[00:54:42] and Ice who

[00:54:43] says, wow, how

[00:54:44] dare you have a

[00:54:45] difficult pregnancy

[00:54:46] to spite your

[00:54:46] poor husband.

[00:54:47] The man is

[00:54:49] crazy.

[00:54:50] That's the worst

[00:54:51] case of narcissistic

[00:54:52] main character

[00:54:53] syndrome I think

[00:54:54] I've ever read

[00:54:54] about.

[00:54:55] People don't get

[00:54:56] sick because of

[00:54:56] him, they just

[00:54:57] get sick.

[00:54:58] And he thinks

[00:54:59] you cause the

[00:55:00] baby to get

[00:55:01] sick too.

[00:55:02] He's really

[00:55:02] imbuing godlike

[00:55:03] powers into you,

[00:55:04] isn't he?

[00:55:05] I rarely say this,

[00:55:06] but you definitely

[00:55:07] should divorce him.

[00:55:08] His egg is

[00:55:09] cracked.

[00:55:10] I'm only sorry

[00:55:11] he has to be

[00:55:11] around your son

[00:55:12] because I don't

[00:55:13] think he's going

[00:55:13] to be a good

[00:55:14] influence.

[00:55:14] It's good that

[00:55:15] you've started

[00:55:16] therapy for

[00:55:16] yourself,

[00:55:17] individually,

[00:55:18] because you

[00:55:18] deserve to have

[00:55:19] a loving husband

[00:55:20] down the road.

[00:55:21] But I'm

[00:55:21] concerned about

[00:55:22] how you choose

[00:55:23] men.

[00:55:23] I mean, your

[00:55:25] current husband is

[00:55:25] so out there that

[00:55:26] I don't get how

[00:55:27] you didn't see him

[00:55:28] coming from a

[00:55:28] mile away.

[00:55:29] Sometimes people

[00:55:30] pick spouses who

[00:55:31] are like their

[00:55:32] parents, even if

[00:55:33] that parent was

[00:55:34] abusive in some

[00:55:35] way.

[00:55:35] I hope you get

[00:55:36] to a place where

[00:55:37] you find a good

[00:55:37] guy because you

[00:55:38] deserve it.

[00:55:39] By the way, what

[00:55:41] did your couple's

[00:55:41] therapist say about

[00:55:42] your husband's list

[00:55:43] of grievances?

[00:55:44] I hope you took

[00:55:45] him to task for

[00:55:45] the selfish load

[00:55:46] of garbage it

[00:55:47] is.

[00:55:48] I hope he

[00:55:49] responds and

[00:55:49] first quotes the

[00:55:51] last comment and

[00:55:52] says, and he

[00:55:52] thinks you caused

[00:55:53] the baby to get

[00:55:54] sick too, and then

[00:55:55] says no.

[00:55:55] It was more like

[00:55:56] he thought the

[00:55:56] baby wanting to

[00:55:57] be with me, not

[00:55:58] reaching out for

[00:55:59] him was something

[00:56:00] I was training

[00:56:00] him to do.

[00:56:01] I followed

[00:56:02] certain method to

[00:56:03] hold our son

[00:56:03] right after feedings

[00:56:04] to minimize

[00:56:05] discomfort from

[00:56:06] his GERD

[00:56:07] symptoms, and

[00:56:08] his dad just

[00:56:09] wouldn't get the

[00:56:09] hang of it.

[00:56:10] Obviously, the

[00:56:11] baby wants to be

[00:56:12] the one giving

[00:56:12] him comfort versus

[00:56:13] the dad who

[00:56:14] wanted to bounce

[00:56:15] him and worsen

[00:56:16] his gastro pains.

[00:56:17] But my husband

[00:56:18] was determined to

[00:56:19] find fault, so

[00:56:20] that has to be my

[00:56:21] fault, not the

[00:56:22] lack of care from

[00:56:23] him.

[00:56:23] And quotes the

[00:56:24] comment again and

[00:56:25] says, me, your

[00:56:26] current husband is

[00:56:27] so out there, I

[00:56:28] don't get how you

[00:56:29] didn't see him

[00:56:29] coming from a mile

[00:56:30] away.

[00:56:30] And then says,

[00:56:31] that's something I

[00:56:32] don't understand

[00:56:33] myself.

[00:56:33] We were pretty

[00:56:34] happy together

[00:56:35] before I got

[00:56:35] pregnant.

[00:56:36] He was a

[00:56:37] helpful, loving

[00:56:37] husband, very

[00:56:38] excited about

[00:56:39] becoming a

[00:56:40] father.

[00:56:40] And I really

[00:56:41] hope that the

[00:56:42] divorce moves as

[00:56:44] quickly as

[00:56:45] possible for

[00:56:45] OP and they

[00:56:46] get themselves out

[00:56:47] of that place,

[00:56:48] their own place

[00:56:49] with their child,

[00:56:50] stick to therapy

[00:56:51] and lean on

[00:56:52] positive support

[00:56:53] systems that are

[00:56:54] around them like

[00:56:55] therapy, not their

[00:56:57] fucking parents.

[00:56:58] You know, the

[00:56:59] comment questioning

[00:57:00] about how she

[00:57:01] didn't see him

[00:57:01] coming, you can

[00:57:02] sort of get a

[00:57:03] gist of why

[00:57:04] when you've

[00:57:05] grown up with

[00:57:06] parents like that

[00:57:07] who's telling

[00:57:07] you, you know,

[00:57:08] you should stay

[00:57:09] with a guy who's

[00:57:09] cheating on you.

[00:57:11] Your view on

[00:57:11] relationships has

[00:57:12] to be distorted

[00:57:13] and those parents

[00:57:14] need to be not

[00:57:15] just low contact

[00:57:16] but completely

[00:57:17] removed from her

[00:57:18] life.

[00:57:19] They are toxic

[00:57:20] individuals.

[00:57:21] Imagine telling

[00:57:22] your child to

[00:57:24] stay with someone

[00:57:24] who was cheating

[00:57:25] on them.

[00:57:26] Absolute arseholes.

[00:57:27] But now I'm going

[00:57:28] to turn this one

[00:57:29] to you guys.

[00:57:30] What do you guys

[00:57:31] make of this

[00:57:32] situation?

[00:57:33] I really do wish

[00:57:34] you all the best

[00:57:35] if you do hear

[00:57:36] this and let's

[00:57:37] crack on with

[00:57:38] another story.

[00:57:41] And our next story

[00:57:42] does come with an

[00:57:43] update as well from

[00:57:44] suspicious exam

[00:57:45] 3842 from the

[00:57:46] am I the

[00:57:46] arsehole here

[00:57:47] subreddit and

[00:57:48] says am I the

[00:57:49] arsehole for

[00:57:50] telling my husband

[00:57:50] to choose his

[00:57:51] PlayStation over

[00:57:52] our marriage?

[00:57:54] I, 34 female,

[00:57:56] have been with

[00:57:57] my husband, 41 male,

[00:57:58] for 15 years

[00:57:59] and married for

[00:58:00] 11 of those years.

[00:58:01] We have a

[00:58:02] seven-year-old

[00:58:02] together.

[00:58:03] We have sex

[00:58:04] maybe once a year

[00:58:05] since our daughter

[00:58:06] was born.

[00:58:07] I'm always the one

[00:58:08] that has to

[00:58:08] initiate any type

[00:58:09] of intimacy.

[00:58:11] When we do it's

[00:58:12] hard to get him

[00:58:12] to stay up and

[00:58:13] there's a lot of

[00:58:14] work on my end.

[00:58:15] He's seen a doctor

[00:58:16] and there's no

[00:58:16] issues with labs

[00:58:17] and he won't

[00:58:18] take the little

[00:58:19] blue pill because

[00:58:20] he says he doesn't

[00:58:21] need it and

[00:58:22] doesn't have an

[00:58:22] issue.

[00:58:23] My husband has

[00:58:24] always blamed our

[00:58:25] lack of intimacy

[00:58:25] on our daughter

[00:58:26] since she slept

[00:58:27] in bed with us.

[00:58:28] I try to get him

[00:58:28] to go into a

[00:58:29] different room

[00:58:29] and there's always

[00:58:30] some excuse like

[00:58:31] he's too tired

[00:58:32] but then he will

[00:58:32] get up to our

[00:58:33] game room and

[00:58:34] play his video

[00:58:34] games.

[00:58:35] Our daughter has

[00:58:36] slept in her

[00:58:36] own room for

[00:58:37] over six months

[00:58:38] now and nothing

[00:58:39] has changed.

[00:58:40] His excuse is

[00:58:41] still well,

[00:58:41] our daughter has

[00:58:42] slept in bed

[00:58:43] with us all this

[00:58:43] time.

[00:58:44] My husband is a

[00:58:45] good person and

[00:58:46] a good dad who

[00:58:47] works hard for

[00:58:48] this family.

[00:58:49] He works 60

[00:58:50] hours a week but

[00:58:51] besides paying the

[00:58:52] bills, that's the

[00:58:53] extent of it.

[00:58:54] He says he's

[00:58:54] tired and tells me

[00:58:55] I don't understand

[00:58:56] the stress of

[00:58:57] having to take

[00:58:58] care of the

[00:58:58] family financially.

[00:58:59] I work 40

[00:59:01] hours a week,

[00:59:02] have a small

[00:59:02] business, make

[00:59:03] all of our

[00:59:04] appointments, do

[00:59:04] anything related

[00:59:05] to our daughter.

[00:59:06] I'm a classroom

[00:59:07] mom on PTO and

[00:59:09] do all household

[00:59:10] chores.

[00:59:10] I do laundry,

[00:59:11] cleaning, make

[00:59:12] meals, grocery

[00:59:13] shopping, take

[00:59:14] vehicles for oil

[00:59:14] changes, yard

[00:59:15] work, I mow and

[00:59:17] take care of 2.5

[00:59:18] acres and take

[00:59:19] trash cans out.

[00:59:20] I do pay some

[00:59:21] of our bills and

[00:59:22] I pay for all of

[00:59:23] our daughter's

[00:59:24] extracurricular

[00:59:25] activities which

[00:59:26] definitely adds

[00:59:26] up.

[00:59:27] He just thinks my

[00:59:28] load of work

[00:59:29] contributions does

[00:59:30] not amount to

[00:59:31] what he does.

[00:59:32] This past week I

[00:59:33] got on his phone

[00:59:33] because he saves

[00:59:35] reels on Facebook

[00:59:35] for me, normally

[00:59:37] funny stuff and

[00:59:37] recipes he wants

[00:59:38] me to try.

[00:59:39] I saw in his

[00:59:40] search history all

[00:59:41] of these sexier

[00:59:42] girls and groups

[00:59:43] he's been looking

[00:59:44] at which really

[00:59:45] pushed me over

[00:59:45] the edge.

[00:59:46] I wouldn't be

[00:59:47] mad if he came to

[00:59:48] me to have sex and

[00:59:49] I denied him sex.

[00:59:50] I confronted him

[00:59:51] about it and he

[00:59:53] and I told him

[00:59:55] I'm not naive and

[00:59:56] as clear as day.

[00:59:57] Then the next day

[00:59:58] he says yeah, he

[00:59:59] clicks on those

[01:00:00] girls profiles and

[01:00:01] groups because he's

[01:00:02] a man and likes

[01:00:03] to look.

[01:00:04] He's been locking

[01:00:05] his game room

[01:00:06] recently while in

[01:00:07] there and says

[01:00:07] he's sleeping.

[01:00:08] I know he's

[01:00:09] playing his

[01:00:10] PlayStation and I

[01:00:11] guess now he

[01:00:11] looks at these

[01:00:12] different profiles.

[01:00:14] I've seen lotion

[01:00:14] up there a long

[01:00:15] time ago while

[01:00:16] cleaning and asked

[01:00:17] him about it and

[01:00:18] he swears he's

[01:00:19] not jerking off but

[01:00:20] I'm not stupid and

[01:00:21] naive.

[01:00:21] I really just hate

[01:00:23] being lied to.

[01:00:24] He says I'm a

[01:00:25] hypocrite because I

[01:00:26] watch porn but I

[01:00:27] wouldn't watch porn

[01:00:28] and take care of my

[01:00:29] needs if he would be

[01:00:29] intimate with me.

[01:00:31] It's also not like

[01:00:32] I'm going to a

[01:00:33] specific person or

[01:00:34] their profile when I

[01:00:35] do pull up a video.

[01:00:36] I've also been

[01:00:37] honest with him that

[01:00:38] I masturbate and

[01:00:39] watch porn.

[01:00:40] I admit I'm a

[01:00:41] lyrical and I

[01:00:42] guess I'm just

[01:00:43] hurt because it

[01:00:44] just seems it's

[01:00:45] me.

[01:00:45] To me it feels

[01:00:47] he's not attracted

[01:00:47] to me or just

[01:00:48] doesn't seem to

[01:00:49] want me.

[01:00:50] He says he

[01:00:51] doesn't really have

[01:00:52] a drive and that's

[01:00:53] what I had thought

[01:00:53] but after seeing what

[01:00:55] he likes to click on

[01:00:56] I just feel he doesn't

[01:00:57] have a drive towards

[01:00:58] me.

[01:00:59] Looks wise people

[01:01:00] tell him he definitely

[01:01:01] leveled up.

[01:01:02] Overall I take care of

[01:01:03] myself and put effort

[01:01:04] into my looks.

[01:01:05] I'm definitely not the

[01:01:06] hottest or most

[01:01:07] beautiful but I'm not

[01:01:09] bad looking.

[01:01:10] He's overweight,

[01:01:11] short and

[01:01:12] balding.

[01:01:13] Why do I feel now I

[01:01:14] don't look good enough

[01:01:15] for him or excite him

[01:01:16] enough to be with?

[01:01:17] I told him I want

[01:01:19] him to get rid of all

[01:01:20] the gaming stuff and

[01:01:20] to not be locked

[01:01:21] upstairs and to spend

[01:01:22] more time with me and

[01:01:23] our family or it's

[01:01:24] time for us to

[01:01:25] divorce.

[01:01:26] He said he's not

[01:01:27] giving up his gaming

[01:01:28] stuff and he doesn't

[01:01:29] see how that's the

[01:01:30] problem.

[01:01:30] He told me that I'm

[01:01:32] going to ruin our

[01:01:32] family because all I

[01:01:34] want is sex.

[01:01:35] I'm just tired of

[01:01:36] begging.

[01:01:37] I feel like I

[01:01:38] shouldn't be begging

[01:01:38] for intimacy,

[01:01:39] affection and him

[01:01:41] being present with

[01:01:41] his family.

[01:01:43] Who's so much for

[01:01:44] everyone and tired

[01:01:45] of not getting

[01:01:45] anything in return?

[01:01:46] I'm tired of

[01:01:47] putting my wants

[01:01:48] and needs last.

[01:01:49] I'm tired of

[01:01:50] begging him to

[01:01:50] hang out with us

[01:01:51] and do family

[01:01:52] stuff.

[01:01:52] The only thing that

[01:01:53] excites him is to

[01:01:54] go upstairs in the

[01:01:55] game room and

[01:01:55] play his video

[01:01:56] games.

[01:01:56] I guess now I

[01:01:57] know he likes to

[01:01:58] do other stuff as

[01:01:59] well.

[01:02:00] We've done the

[01:02:01] counseling stuff here

[01:02:02] and there and it

[01:02:03] gets better a bit

[01:02:04] and then goes back

[01:02:04] to our normal.

[01:02:06] So am I the

[01:02:07] asshole and a

[01:02:08] hypocrite?

[01:02:08] Am I in the wrong

[01:02:09] and taking things

[01:02:10] too far?

[01:02:12] Edit to add,

[01:02:13] it's about our

[01:02:14] child sleeping in

[01:02:14] the bed with us.

[01:02:15] We both allowed

[01:02:16] her to sleep in

[01:02:17] the bed with us.

[01:02:17] I tried to boot

[01:02:18] her out to her

[01:02:19] own room sooner

[01:02:20] but my husband

[01:02:21] kept saying she

[01:02:22] wasn't ready.

[01:02:23] She'd cry and it

[01:02:24] was a lot of work

[01:02:24] and bribery to

[01:02:25] get her in her

[01:02:25] own room.

[01:02:26] Edit to add

[01:02:27] another note,

[01:02:29] there's definitely

[01:02:29] two sides to

[01:02:30] every story and

[01:02:31] you're just getting

[01:02:32] mine.

[01:02:32] We both have

[01:02:33] different love

[01:02:33] languages.

[01:02:34] Mine is affection

[01:02:35] and physical touch

[01:02:36] and his is acts

[01:02:37] of service.

[01:02:38] He likes to clean

[01:02:39] and tidy the house

[01:02:40] and I do my best

[01:02:41] to keep up with

[01:02:42] everything home-wise.

[01:02:43] I try talking to

[01:02:44] him about what

[01:02:45] makes me happy

[01:02:45] and what I want

[01:02:46] but he's not

[01:02:47] listening to me.

[01:02:48] I feel like a

[01:02:49] spoiled brat at

[01:02:50] times because yes

[01:02:51] he provides

[01:02:51] financially well for

[01:02:52] us and I don't

[01:02:53] go without.

[01:02:54] It just sucks.

[01:02:55] I want to be seen

[01:02:56] again.

[01:02:57] We used to be

[01:02:58] such a team and

[01:02:58] it's a pissing

[01:02:59] contest of who

[01:03:00] does what.

[01:03:01] My husband really

[01:03:03] isn't a bad

[01:03:03] person or dad.

[01:03:04] Our daughter is

[01:03:05] definitely a

[01:03:06] daddy's girl,

[01:03:06] mostly because I'm

[01:03:08] the disciplinary

[01:03:08] parent.

[01:03:09] That makes sure

[01:03:10] she has to brush

[01:03:11] teeth,

[01:03:12] schoolwork and

[01:03:12] etc.

[01:03:14] On our days off

[01:03:15] together he do

[01:03:15] things with us

[01:03:16] then says he needs

[01:03:18] to get some rest

[01:03:18] and he goes upstairs

[01:03:19] and video games.

[01:03:21] He really does

[01:03:22] work too much.

[01:03:23] He says he works

[01:03:24] so much because

[01:03:25] he wants to make

[01:03:26] sure we're taken

[01:03:26] care of if

[01:03:27] something happens

[01:03:28] to him.

[01:03:28] Which his dad

[01:03:29] was never there

[01:03:30] and his mum did

[01:03:31] struggle when he

[01:03:32] grew up.

[01:03:33] Battling the Mod

[01:03:34] says on this one

[01:03:35] I know the title

[01:03:36] insinuates gaming

[01:03:37] over marriage

[01:03:38] and family but

[01:03:39] it just sounds like

[01:03:39] it runs deeper

[01:03:40] than that.

[01:03:41] If it wasn't

[01:03:42] gaming it would

[01:03:42] be golf or

[01:03:43] something else

[01:03:44] your husband would

[01:03:45] use as an escape

[01:03:45] from his family.

[01:03:47] It sounds like

[01:03:47] there is a ton of

[01:03:48] unresolved issues

[01:03:49] that have festered

[01:03:50] for years now.

[01:03:51] I think trying to

[01:03:52] establish a line of

[01:03:53] communication at this

[01:03:54] point is too late.

[01:03:55] I can't imagine

[01:03:56] not having constant

[01:03:56] communication about

[01:03:57] my partner's needs.

[01:03:58] Agree with the

[01:03:59] others that this

[01:04:00] relationship may be

[01:04:01] at an end.

[01:04:02] Not the arsehole

[01:04:02] and good luck.

[01:04:05] Mysterious Art says

[01:04:06] not the arsehole but

[01:04:07] it sounds like your

[01:04:07] marriage has run its

[01:04:08] course.

[01:04:08] I'm sorry.

[01:04:10] Opie says

[01:04:10] that's how I feel.

[01:04:11] I've held on because

[01:04:13] I don't want my

[01:04:13] daughter to be

[01:04:14] affected.

[01:04:15] She doesn't really

[01:04:16] know anything is

[01:04:16] going on because I

[01:04:18] don't say stuff in

[01:04:18] front of her.

[01:04:20] Additional Passion

[01:04:20] says she probably

[01:04:22] already notices that

[01:04:23] her dad is always

[01:04:23] gone playing video

[01:04:24] games.

[01:04:25] Not much will

[01:04:26] change for her.

[01:04:27] Sweaty Elephant

[01:04:28] says what a name.

[01:04:30] I mean I game a lot

[01:04:31] after the kids go to

[01:04:32] bed don't get me

[01:04:33] wrong.

[01:04:33] Probably too much if

[01:04:34] I'm being honest

[01:04:35] with myself.

[01:04:35] But I also work

[01:04:37] full time.

[01:04:37] Cook a ton.

[01:04:38] Clean a ton.

[01:04:39] Spend time with the

[01:04:39] kids when I get

[01:04:40] back from work.

[01:04:41] Do chores.

[01:04:42] Do the handyman

[01:04:42] stuff I'm capable of

[01:04:43] doing.

[01:04:44] And have the money

[01:04:44] for.

[01:04:45] Replacing the

[01:04:46] hardware in the

[01:04:46] back of the toilet

[01:04:47] for instance.

[01:04:48] Take days off work

[01:04:49] to go to the kids

[01:04:50] events sometimes

[01:04:50] etc.

[01:04:51] I still feel guilty

[01:04:53] sometimes when I sit

[01:04:53] down to game at

[01:04:54] night.

[01:04:55] If my wife came to

[01:04:56] me and said you're

[01:04:57] gaming too much and

[01:04:58] is making me sad and

[01:04:59] I want to spend more

[01:05:00] time with you.

[01:05:01] I think about what

[01:05:02] she said and offer

[01:05:03] some solutions.

[01:05:04] Not just flat out

[01:05:05] say lol no.

[01:05:07] Like it sounds like

[01:05:08] he did.

[01:05:09] Opie says your

[01:05:10] comment really stuck

[01:05:11] out.

[01:05:12] Sometimes I do get to

[01:05:13] the point of

[01:05:13] frustration because I

[01:05:14] wish she'd just see

[01:05:16] what needs to be done

[01:05:16] without me having to

[01:05:18] nag him.

[01:05:19] Every year I ask if

[01:05:20] he can put Christmas

[01:05:21] lights up and he

[01:05:22] doesn't do it until I

[01:05:23] finally snap at him.

[01:05:24] Christmas lights

[01:05:25] make me and our

[01:05:26] daughter happy and

[01:05:26] he knows it so why

[01:05:28] do I need to ask him

[01:05:28] to do it every single

[01:05:29] year?

[01:05:30] My birthday is around

[01:05:32] Christmas and he

[01:05:32] doesn't do anything

[01:05:33] thoughtful.

[01:05:34] He says it's because

[01:05:35] he's working and he

[01:05:36] didn't have time to get

[01:05:37] anything but he can

[01:05:38] make time to game and

[01:05:40] order stuff for his

[01:05:41] games on Amazon.

[01:05:42] I tell him to make a

[01:05:43] cake with our daughter

[01:05:44] and have her make a

[01:05:45] card.

[01:05:46] Take her to Walmart and

[01:05:46] let her pick something

[01:05:47] out for me.

[01:05:48] I want to show my

[01:05:49] daughter that I matter.

[01:05:51] I'm sure you saw the

[01:05:52] TikTok about the wife

[01:05:53] stocking and not having

[01:05:55] anything in it.

[01:05:56] That's another thing I

[01:05:57] have to tell him to find

[01:05:57] time to do for me with

[01:05:59] our daughter.

[01:05:59] I just want him to

[01:06:01] make the time and

[01:06:01] don't have to nag him.

[01:06:03] I think I'm just tired

[01:06:04] too.

[01:06:05] I know gaming is his

[01:06:06] relaxing and winding

[01:06:07] downtime but he's not

[01:06:08] understanding prioritizing

[01:06:10] his family should be

[01:06:11] first.

[01:06:12] Lost Dad Lost Hope says

[01:06:13] not the arsehole but

[01:06:14] have a sleep study done.

[01:06:16] Sex drive is one of the

[01:06:17] things to go with

[01:06:18] apnea and I see

[01:06:19] Pap has restored it

[01:06:20] for a number of people

[01:06:21] I know.

[01:06:22] Hope he says I work

[01:06:24] for a pulmonologist and

[01:06:25] he definitely has sleep

[01:06:26] apnea.

[01:06:27] I've been making him

[01:06:29] go to the doctor.

[01:06:30] I even have to go with

[01:06:31] him to make sure he

[01:06:31] actually keeps

[01:06:32] appointments.

[01:06:33] I've even been helping

[01:06:34] him with weight loss and

[01:06:35] was hoping 40 pounds down

[01:06:37] would help with

[01:06:37] everything.

[01:06:38] I tried to get him to

[01:06:39] do a sleep study but he's

[01:06:40] not wanting to do one.

[01:06:42] He has a family history

[01:06:43] of cardiology issues and

[01:06:45] he definitely needs a

[01:06:46] CBAP so it can be here

[01:06:47] as long as possible for

[01:06:48] our daughter.

[01:06:49] Only so much I can do.

[01:06:51] So, Hope he does come

[01:06:53] in with her update and

[01:06:53] says I'm overwhelmed by

[01:06:55] the response from my

[01:06:56] first post and appreciate

[01:06:57] the feedback.

[01:06:58] I wasn't expecting to

[01:06:59] write an update this

[01:07:00] soon or even at all.

[01:07:02] Also, I realized as I

[01:07:03] was blindly rage writing

[01:07:04] my issues to a bunch of

[01:07:06] strangers, I didn't

[01:07:06] write the title properly

[01:07:07] so I corrected it in the

[01:07:09] post update.

[01:07:10] Yesterday, I messaged my

[01:07:12] husband the following.

[01:07:13] Why should we stay

[01:07:14] together?

[01:07:15] Just for our daughter.

[01:07:16] What do you love about

[01:07:17] me besides being a good

[01:07:18] mother and wife?

[01:07:19] What do you like about

[01:07:20] me?

[01:07:21] What are things you want

[01:07:22] from our relationship that

[01:07:23] you're not getting

[01:07:24] besides financial?

[01:07:25] What do you think I

[01:07:26] contribute to our

[01:07:27] relationship?

[01:07:28] Do you really not want

[01:07:30] sex or a physical

[01:07:30] relationship?

[01:07:31] Do you think that's not

[01:07:32] an issue?

[01:07:33] I need a physical and

[01:07:35] intimate relationship.

[01:07:36] That's something that's

[01:07:37] important to me.

[01:07:38] It's more than just sex.

[01:07:40] Am I not attractive to

[01:07:42] you?

[01:07:42] Do you not desire me?

[01:07:44] Please be honest.

[01:07:45] Why do you hide the fact

[01:07:46] that you masturbate?

[01:07:47] Why can't you see why I'm

[01:07:49] upset and that my feelings

[01:07:50] are valid?

[01:07:51] Do you think I'm upset

[01:07:52] over nothing?

[01:07:54] I feel you take my words

[01:07:56] as if they are water being

[01:07:57] poured into a colander.

[01:07:59] Do you hold no value to

[01:08:00] what I say?

[01:08:01] Why can't you see my pain?

[01:08:03] Do you think this is easy

[01:08:04] on me?

[01:08:04] Have I thrown too many

[01:08:05] empty threats to you that

[01:08:07] you don't take this and

[01:08:08] what I say seriously?

[01:08:09] Where can we go from

[01:08:11] here?

[01:08:11] Can we work it out?

[01:08:13] Sometimes my issue is

[01:08:14] that you can't be honest

[01:08:15] with me.

[01:08:15] That there's an issue.

[01:08:17] I hate when you don't

[01:08:18] take accountability and

[01:08:20] place blame elsewhere.

[01:08:21] We're adults.

[01:08:22] We make mistakes and we

[01:08:24] should take accountability

[01:08:25] for what we say and do.

[01:08:27] I know I'm not who I was

[01:08:29] and I don't love who I am

[01:08:30] right now.

[01:08:31] I don't like nagging,

[01:08:32] yelling and begging.

[01:08:34] Begging you for help,

[01:08:35] attention and affection.

[01:08:36] I'll go back and get a

[01:08:38] better paying job and

[01:08:39] help more with finances

[01:08:40] if we decide to move

[01:08:41] forward.

[01:08:41] In return, you have to

[01:08:43] help more with our

[01:08:43] family.

[01:08:44] Can't worry about

[01:08:45] finding a sitter for

[01:08:46] our daughter who's

[01:08:47] picking her up from

[01:08:48] school.

[01:08:48] You'll need to help and

[01:08:49] call out when she's

[01:08:50] sick.

[01:08:51] Take off for field trips,

[01:08:52] help make her lunches,

[01:08:53] take her to extracurriculars

[01:08:54] and help more with

[01:08:55] daily tasks.

[01:08:56] He never responded.

[01:08:58] Instead, I saw where he

[01:08:59] played over three hours on

[01:09:01] his PlayStation.

[01:09:02] To me, that speaks volumes.

[01:09:05] Someone messaged me this

[01:09:06] link and it was titled

[01:09:08] You Should Have Asked.

[01:09:09] That story really

[01:09:11] resonated with me and

[01:09:12] it hit close to home.

[01:09:14] I'm guessing I'm at the

[01:09:15] point where I don't want

[01:09:16] a roommate anymore.

[01:09:17] I just want a partner

[01:09:18] that cares and can see

[01:09:19] the value I bring to our

[01:09:20] relationship and our

[01:09:22] family.

[01:09:22] Many of the original post

[01:09:24] responses talk about how I

[01:09:25] just want sex and that's

[01:09:27] really not it.

[01:09:28] I want intimacy and a

[01:09:29] yearning to feel loved and

[01:09:30] longed for.

[01:09:31] I want our relationship to

[01:09:33] be where we are a team

[01:09:34] again and it no longer

[01:09:35] feels like a pissing

[01:09:36] contest of who does what.

[01:09:38] I guess we are past that

[01:09:39] point of working things out.

[01:09:40] Now my concern is how to

[01:09:42] make this an easy

[01:09:43] transition for my daughter.

[01:09:44] I'll continue to put a

[01:09:46] smile on my face and hold

[01:09:47] back my pain because as

[01:09:49] a parent how she feels and

[01:09:50] what she sees comes first.

[01:09:52] I don't want her to feel

[01:09:53] blame or to be sad.

[01:09:55] I know it won't be easy but

[01:09:57] thank you strangers for

[01:09:58] your advice even when some

[01:10:00] of it stung a little.

[01:10:01] As I've said I know it's

[01:10:03] hard to have an opinion

[01:10:04] when you're only getting

[01:10:05] one side.

[01:10:06] I'm not an angel in any

[01:10:08] of this and take

[01:10:09] accountability for my

[01:10:10] parts for ending this

[01:10:11] chapter.

[01:10:12] I guess it's time to move

[01:10:14] on.

[01:10:15] A day later OP adds a

[01:10:17] smaller update in the

[01:10:18] comments and says this was

[01:10:20] his response a day later.

[01:10:22] OP if I don't make you

[01:10:23] happy then I don't want to

[01:10:25] force something that's not

[01:10:26] going to make you happy.

[01:10:27] I'm fine with what you want

[01:10:28] to do.

[01:10:29] I do love you and I

[01:10:30] shouldn't have to prove

[01:10:31] that after being together

[01:10:32] for 14 years.

[01:10:34] We can go our ways.

[01:10:35] I will financially support

[01:10:36] you and Landry for the

[01:10:38] best of my ability.

[01:10:40] I only have a few

[01:10:41] requests.

[01:10:41] At wherever you decide to

[01:10:43] move.

[01:10:43] Please stay within 30

[01:10:44] miles of each other.

[01:10:45] I can see Landry and I

[01:10:47] can help better.

[01:10:48] I can pay your mortgage

[01:10:49] on a $250k house if you've

[01:10:52] got $100k down and will

[01:10:53] of course pay for whatever

[01:10:54] Landry needs.

[01:10:56] When we sell the house I

[01:10:57] want $100k and you can

[01:10:58] have everything else.

[01:11:00] I need you to pay the

[01:11:01] Tesla off.

[01:11:02] I owe $33k.

[01:11:04] We need to at least get $600k

[01:11:06] for our home if not more.

[01:11:07] I hate that it's come down

[01:11:09] to this but we'll help you

[01:11:10] achieve happiness as long

[01:11:11] as we can agree on some

[01:11:13] terms with our child and

[01:11:14] finances.

[01:11:16] Gee whiz that felt like a

[01:11:18] very very cold response

[01:11:20] and one that's already been

[01:11:21] thought about in the past

[01:11:22] like he's already checked

[01:11:23] out of this relationship.

[01:11:25] But what do you guys make

[01:11:27] of this situation?

[01:11:29] Let me know your thoughts

[01:11:31] down in the comments below.

[01:11:32] And our next story comes from

[01:11:34] Constant Nebbya 1982

[01:11:35] and says my soon to be

[01:11:38] ex-husband humiliated me on

[01:11:39] our wedding day and met

[01:11:41] his karma instantly.

[01:11:43] It had been two days since

[01:11:45] my wedding day.

[01:11:46] I'd already been with him

[01:11:47] for four years.

[01:11:49] One year of which I was

[01:11:50] engaged.

[01:11:51] It all started a few months

[01:11:52] earlier when I noticed my

[01:11:54] husband Jake watching

[01:11:55] prank videos.

[01:11:56] Oh dear.

[01:11:58] Among other things.

[01:11:59] These videos showed

[01:12:00] embarrassing photos of

[01:12:02] the bride being played on a

[01:12:03] projector in front of the

[01:12:04] whole room or the bride's

[01:12:06] face being smashed into the

[01:12:07] cake.

[01:12:07] I told him straight away

[01:12:09] that I didn't want anything

[01:12:10] like that at our wedding.

[01:12:12] He just laughed and said

[01:12:13] that he wasn't planning

[01:12:14] anything like that.

[01:12:16] I thought that was the end

[01:12:17] of it but I kept catching

[01:12:18] him making strange

[01:12:19] arrangements with his

[01:12:20] friends.

[01:12:21] He suddenly wanted to

[01:12:22] choose the wedding

[01:12:23] photographer and the cake.

[01:12:25] I thought nothing of it

[01:12:27] and was just glad that he was

[01:12:29] helping me with the wedding

[01:12:30] preparations.

[01:12:31] Nevertheless I reminded

[01:12:33] him the day before that if

[01:12:34] he did something like that

[01:12:35] I would break up with him

[01:12:36] immediately.

[01:12:38] When the day of the

[01:12:39] wedding came everything

[01:12:40] went smoothly until the

[01:12:42] ceremony.

[01:12:43] Until the moment came when

[01:12:44] the cake was about to be

[01:12:45] cut.

[01:12:46] The whole room watched as

[01:12:47] I made the first cut and

[01:12:49] the photographer stood in

[01:12:50] front of us with camera in

[01:12:51] hand.

[01:12:52] Suddenly I felt a hand on

[01:12:54] the back of my head pushing

[01:12:55] me face first into the

[01:12:56] cake.

[01:12:57] Not only my makeup but the

[01:12:59] whole wedding dress was

[01:13:00] ruined and the whole room

[01:13:02] laughed.

[01:13:02] My husband the loudest.

[01:13:05] At that moment the

[01:13:07] photographer took the photo

[01:13:08] and Jake said that this was

[01:13:09] now our wedding photo.

[01:13:11] I turned around slapped him

[01:13:13] in the face and run out of

[01:13:14] the room in tears.

[01:13:15] Thank God karma didn't take

[01:13:17] long to arrive and it came

[01:13:19] in the form of his own

[01:13:20] brother.

[01:13:21] I ran to the toilet and

[01:13:22] started crying when I

[01:13:23] suddenly heard loud shouting

[01:13:25] from the hall.

[01:13:26] It was his brother Frank.

[01:13:27] I could barely understand what

[01:13:29] he was saying and when I

[01:13:30] left the toilet he was

[01:13:31] waiting for me.

[01:13:32] He told me that Jake had

[01:13:34] something to tell me.

[01:13:35] Jake was shaking and

[01:13:36] apologized without looking me

[01:13:38] in the eye.

[01:13:39] Frank told him to look me in

[01:13:40] the eye and apologize again.

[01:13:43] Even I was a bit scared of

[01:13:44] Frank at that moment because

[01:13:45] I had always thought of him

[01:13:46] as a kind and gentle man.

[01:13:49] I had never seen him angry

[01:13:50] before.

[01:13:52] Jake apologized again and

[01:13:53] then Frank led us back into

[01:13:54] the hall which was suddenly

[01:13:56] very quiet and most of our

[01:13:57] families looked down at the

[01:13:58] floor a little embarrassed.

[01:14:00] The festivities were cut

[01:14:01] short and I was taken home

[01:14:03] by Frank because I was too

[01:14:04] angry with my husband and I

[01:14:06] didn't want to see him.

[01:14:07] During the ride Frank

[01:14:08] apologized for blowing up

[01:14:10] like that.

[01:14:11] He explained that my husband

[01:14:12] was horrible even back when

[01:14:13] he was a brother and used

[01:14:15] every special occasion to

[01:14:16] humiliate Frank.

[01:14:18] When it was Frank's birthday

[01:14:19] my husband would throw his

[01:14:21] cake at him and break his

[01:14:22] presents but back then

[01:14:23] their parents always brushed

[01:14:24] it off by saying that's just

[01:14:26] how brothers behaved.

[01:14:27] So he had to endure every

[01:14:29] humiliation.

[01:14:31] But when he saw my husband

[01:14:32] bury my face in the cake

[01:14:33] he was fed up because he

[01:14:35] realized that my husband was

[01:14:36] just a bad person who got

[01:14:38] his satisfaction from

[01:14:39] humiliating others.

[01:14:41] I asked Frank if he thought

[01:14:42] it would be an exaggeration

[01:14:43] if I separated from my

[01:14:45] husband and he said no.

[01:14:47] Because according to him

[01:14:48] I deserved better and he

[01:14:50] didn't care how his brother

[01:14:51] felt about it because he had

[01:14:52] brought it on himself.

[01:14:54] And he told me that if I

[01:14:55] needed help collecting my

[01:14:56] things he would help me and

[01:14:58] gave me his number.

[01:14:59] And I decided to separate

[01:15:01] from him and file for

[01:15:02] divorce and inform Jake and

[01:15:03] my family about it.

[01:15:05] Jake just told me not to do

[01:15:06] that because it was just a

[01:15:07] harmless prank.

[01:15:09] I was spammed by both his

[01:15:11] family and mine that it

[01:15:12] would be ridiculous to end

[01:15:13] our marriage over this.

[01:15:15] But I see it differently.

[01:15:17] If he does something like

[01:15:18] this to me despite multiple

[01:15:19] requests not to do it even

[01:15:21] after promising he wouldn't do

[01:15:22] it then I can't trust him.

[01:15:24] No matter what he promises

[01:15:26] me I have to assume that

[01:15:27] the opposite can and will

[01:15:28] happen and that he doesn't

[01:15:30] care how I feel about his

[01:15:32] decisions.

[01:15:32] This situation can be

[01:15:34] projected onto so many much

[01:15:35] worse situations where it

[01:15:37] would be important for me to

[01:15:38] be able to trust him.

[01:15:40] His brother Frank seems to

[01:15:41] be the only one who supports

[01:15:42] me now and I will go through

[01:15:44] with the divorce.

[01:15:45] Call me humorless.

[01:15:46] Call me what you want.

[01:15:47] But I have given my reasons.

[01:15:50] I feel in some ways that this

[01:15:53] is a pretty simple one in

[01:15:54] that you told him time and

[01:15:56] time again that you told him

[01:15:58] that if you do this the

[01:16:00] relationship is over and he

[01:16:03] chose to do it.

[01:16:04] The biggest thing in a

[01:16:06] relationship is trust.

[01:16:07] He destroyed that by what he

[01:16:09] did.

[01:16:10] But Vegetable Cod says OP I'm

[01:16:13] sorry this has happened but so

[01:16:15] proud of you.

[01:16:16] He warned him multiple times

[01:16:17] and he felt it was more

[01:16:18] important to get last than

[01:16:19] be a trustworthy partner.

[01:16:21] I don't know why people

[01:16:22] think humiliation is a

[01:16:24] prank.

[01:16:24] If you have to explain that

[01:16:26] it was a joke it's not

[01:16:27] funny.

[01:16:28] Best of luck.

[01:16:29] Yes let Frank know he's a

[01:16:30] good man and we appreciate

[01:16:32] him having your back.

[01:16:33] 10 10 10 Tree says he lied

[01:16:36] and was disrespectful.

[01:16:37] Obviously not the things you

[01:16:38] want in a marriage.

[01:16:40] Divorcing him will now save

[01:16:41] you from dealing with more

[01:16:42] boundaries being broken and

[01:16:44] the heartache.

[01:16:45] You deserve better.

[01:16:48] Another commenter says you

[01:16:49] told him what the

[01:16:49] consequences would be.

[01:16:51] Now he gets to live without

[01:16:52] choice.

[01:16:53] I don't think you have to

[01:16:54] divorce.

[01:16:55] If you don't file the

[01:16:55] marriage certificate within a

[01:16:56] certain amount of time you

[01:16:58] aren't legally married.

[01:16:59] Just make sure he doesn't

[01:17:00] file it on your behalf.

[01:17:03] Susie says I'm in the UK and

[01:17:05] don't think we do the smash

[01:17:07] the cake in the face prank

[01:17:08] here.

[01:17:09] If we do it's a new thing

[01:17:10] that's come over from the

[01:17:11] US.

[01:17:12] I'm certainly not aware of

[01:17:13] anyone I know going to such

[01:17:15] a wedding.

[01:17:16] It's beyond me why anyone

[01:17:17] thinks it's funny.

[01:17:18] I think it's very cruel, rude

[01:17:20] and a waste of a lot of

[01:17:21] money when you factor in the

[01:17:22] cost of cake, clothing, hair,

[01:17:24] makeup, etc.

[01:17:25] I'd divorce him too.

[01:17:28] Oh I just had a little

[01:17:29] flashback of a video I saw

[01:17:30] online once of there's this

[01:17:32] couple that just got married

[01:17:33] they're just cutting their

[01:17:34] cake at the front of

[01:17:35] everyone you know tables all

[01:17:36] around everyone's watching

[01:17:38] taking photos and stuff and

[01:17:39] then this guy who's

[01:17:40] absolutely pissed up drunk

[01:17:42] comes up and he just like

[01:17:43] grabs a big chunk of the

[01:17:45] cake and starts trying to

[01:17:46] come over he's trying to

[01:17:47] shove it in their face or

[01:17:48] chuck it at them and the

[01:17:49] groom's just like what the

[01:17:50] hell and then floors him

[01:17:51] it's like it's a wild one.

[01:17:53] But OP did update their

[01:17:55] post and said many of you

[01:17:56] asked for an update so

[01:17:57] here it is.

[01:17:58] Read the original post if

[01:17:59] you haven't already done

[01:18:00] that.

[01:18:01] Many of you pointed out that

[01:18:02] I could get an annulment.

[01:18:04] Don't ask me why I didn't

[01:18:05] think of this earlier but

[01:18:06] after you guys pointed it

[01:18:07] out I planned on doing that.

[01:18:09] Haven't done it yet but it

[01:18:10] will happen in the next few

[01:18:12] weeks.

[01:18:12] It will probably be much more

[01:18:14] easier than a divorce.

[01:18:16] With that being said what

[01:18:17] happened now?

[01:18:18] So a day after I wrote the

[01:18:20] original post I went to

[01:18:21] Jake's apartment to get my

[01:18:22] stuff.

[01:18:23] I slept over at best

[01:18:24] friend's house in the

[01:18:25] meanwhile.

[01:18:25] Of course I also took up

[01:18:27] Frank's offer to help me

[01:18:28] getting my stuff.

[01:18:29] When we arrived there he

[01:18:31] pleaded with me that it was

[01:18:32] just a prank and he didn't

[01:18:33] mean to hurt me.

[01:18:34] The only thing I could

[01:18:35] think about is how he

[01:18:37] broke my trust before and

[01:18:38] how I couldn't trust him

[01:18:39] now if he told me he

[01:18:41] didn't mean to hurt me.

[01:18:42] When he saw Frank his face

[01:18:44] turned red and he yelled

[01:18:45] at Frank and accused him

[01:18:46] of poisoning me against

[01:18:48] him.

[01:18:48] Don't worry Jake you did

[01:18:50] this yourself.

[01:18:51] He argued with Frank for a

[01:18:52] while and Frank confronted

[01:18:53] him with everything he did

[01:18:54] to him during his

[01:18:55] childhood.

[01:18:56] He told Frank to grow a

[01:18:57] pair and he should forget

[01:18:58] about what happened back

[01:18:59] then.

[01:19:00] Ironic when he's the one who

[01:19:02] never changed and is just as

[01:19:03] bad as before.

[01:19:04] He constantly tried to talk to

[01:19:06] me but Frank stood in his way

[01:19:08] and talked over him.

[01:19:09] When we left I saw how he

[01:19:11] angrily smashed the door.

[01:19:13] Apparently he's now

[01:19:14] spreading lies to his

[01:19:15] family that Frank tried to

[01:19:16] steal me from him.

[01:19:18] Luckily I was able to see who

[01:19:19] he really was before it was too

[01:19:20] late.

[01:19:21] What a coincidence that

[01:19:23] after this incident my family

[01:19:24] spammed me with messages as

[01:19:26] well about how we should talk

[01:19:28] to a therapist instead of

[01:19:29] breaking up over this.

[01:19:30] They only stopped when I

[01:19:31] threatened them to cut them

[01:19:32] off too.

[01:19:33] I also didn't plan to share

[01:19:35] this with you but so many

[01:19:36] people suggested it that I

[01:19:37] thought I could at least ask

[01:19:38] him so after we got my stuff I

[01:19:41] asked Frank out that he

[01:19:42] rejected me telling me that

[01:19:43] he's already dating someone

[01:19:44] else.

[01:19:45] I just wanted to tell you this

[01:19:47] so you can stop asking.

[01:19:48] But honestly I'm also kind of

[01:19:50] glad this was his answer

[01:19:51] because it means he didn't

[01:19:53] just help me because there

[01:19:54] was a malicious intent behind

[01:19:55] it but more because he's

[01:19:57] simply a good person.

[01:19:58] Regardless I told him about

[01:19:59] my post here and Frank told

[01:20:01] me he read many of your

[01:20:02] comments.

[01:20:03] He said he liked your

[01:20:04] comments and that you made

[01:20:05] his day.

[01:20:05] I thought you might want to

[01:20:07] know this.

[01:20:07] This is probably the first and

[01:20:09] last update of this.

[01:20:11] I just want to get this

[01:20:12] behind me and look forward

[01:20:13] but thank you for all your

[01:20:15] support.

[01:20:16] Edit.

[01:20:16] If you want to call my

[01:20:18] story fake because I asked

[01:20:19] Frank out feel free.

[01:20:21] I just acted on what many

[01:20:22] of you asked me to do and I

[01:20:23] thought to myself that asking

[01:20:25] him once doesn't hurt anyone

[01:20:26] and maybe led to a much

[01:20:28] healthier relationship if he

[01:20:29] said yes.

[01:20:30] I'm not in the best state of

[01:20:31] mind and will now leave this

[01:20:33] account.

[01:20:34] I don't be surprised if I

[01:20:35] don't respond anymore.

[01:20:37] My story will stay here and

[01:20:38] hopefully raise awareness

[01:20:39] for many people who are in

[01:20:40] similar situations with toxic

[01:20:42] partners.

[01:20:42] No matter if they're male or

[01:20:44] female I wish you all the

[01:20:46] best.

[01:20:48] And there was a lot of people

[01:20:49] questioning Opie on asking

[01:20:51] Frank out so soon after what

[01:20:54] just happened but what do you

[01:20:56] guys make of this situation?

[01:20:59] Let us know your thoughts down

[01:21:01] in the comments below and let's

[01:21:03] move on to another story.

[01:21:06] And our next story comes from the

[01:21:08] entitled people subreddit with a

[01:21:10] bit of work related stuff going

[01:21:11] on from TG Marie 137 does come

[01:21:14] with an update as well and says

[01:21:16] customer demands my personal

[01:21:18] cell number and blames me for him

[01:21:20] losing his job.

[01:21:21] I work as a claims adjuster for

[01:21:23] auto accidents.

[01:21:24] A customer filed a claim after

[01:21:26] hours and I follow up with him

[01:21:28] first thing this morning.

[01:21:29] I have no info on the vehicle other

[01:21:32] than what he reported.

[01:21:33] I inform him there is a

[01:21:34] possibility of it being a total

[01:21:36] loss.

[01:21:37] He immediately jumps down my

[01:21:38] throat and tells me he doesn't

[01:21:40] want his car to be a total loss

[01:21:42] and he doesn't want me to have it

[01:21:43] moved to another location for an

[01:21:45] in-person inspection.

[01:21:46] I start to discuss an alternative

[01:21:48] with him when he starts cursing at

[01:21:50] me and berating me constantly

[01:21:52] interrupting me telling me just

[01:21:53] to pay the claim.

[01:21:55] If it were that easy of a job I'd be

[01:21:57] paid less and my job would be a hell

[01:21:59] of a lot easier.

[01:22:01] I explain that per his insurance

[01:22:02] agreement we have to inspect the

[01:22:04] vehicle before I can make a payment

[01:22:06] for his claim and we need to see if

[01:22:08] it is going to be a total loss or

[01:22:09] repairable.

[01:22:11] He continues to be an arse so I

[01:22:13] inform him that I will disconnect

[01:22:14] the call and try talking to him

[01:22:16] again when he has regained his

[01:22:17] composure.

[01:22:19] I hang up and go into a meeting

[01:22:21] and he proceeds to call our customer

[01:22:23] service line over and over and

[01:22:26] over.

[01:22:26] He harassed a total of four women and

[01:22:29] refused to end the call until I

[01:22:30] accepted his call.

[01:22:32] I explained I was in a meeting and

[01:22:34] wouldn't be out for at least another

[01:22:35] 30 minutes or so.

[01:22:37] He continued to stay on the line with

[01:22:38] them for a few more minutes before

[01:22:40] hanging up and calling customer service

[01:22:42] again.

[01:22:43] I finally have a chance to call him

[01:22:45] back and I explained that we can try

[01:22:47] to work with his shop in having them

[01:22:48] submit photos so we can do a

[01:22:50] preliminary check to at least see if

[01:22:52] the car is a total loss or not.

[01:22:54] He tells me he sent me photos from the

[01:22:56] night before.

[01:22:57] I explained that there were no

[01:22:58] attachments to the emails he sent me

[01:23:00] and that we need very specific

[01:23:02] photos to have the most accurate

[01:23:03] review.

[01:23:04] He proceeds to tell me it's my job to

[01:23:06] call the shop and request them

[01:23:07] which is what I told him at the

[01:23:09] start of the call anyway.

[01:23:11] He then demands my cell phone number.

[01:23:13] I explained that I don't have a work

[01:23:15] cell phone.

[01:23:16] He states he wants my cell phone number

[01:23:18] to be able to reach me over the

[01:23:19] weekend.

[01:23:20] I informed him I will not be providing

[01:23:22] that info to him.

[01:23:24] He demanded a few more times before

[01:23:25] stating he wanted to talk with my

[01:23:27] supervisor.

[01:23:28] I stated she was already informed of

[01:23:30] the situation and would be reaching

[01:23:32] out to him when she is able to.

[01:23:34] I'm not allowed to give out her

[01:23:35] contact info.

[01:23:37] He tells me that I need to have her

[01:23:38] call him immediately.

[01:23:40] I remind him that she is my

[01:23:42] supervisor and I cannot dictate her

[01:23:44] schedule.

[01:23:45] He proceeds to try and keep me on the

[01:23:47] phone until his demands are met.

[01:23:49] I inform him that I'm going to

[01:23:50] disconnect the call if there is

[01:23:52] nothing further to discuss and he

[01:23:54] ends the call.

[01:23:56] I called the shop and they also

[01:23:58] gave me attitude stating that I was

[01:24:00] keeping a good man from his job and

[01:24:02] that I shouldn't be wasting his time

[01:24:04] like this.

[01:24:04] I asked if they could email the

[01:24:06] photos to me just so that I can get

[01:24:08] it done and they say they will.

[01:24:10] I have an uncommon last name so I

[01:24:12] made sure to spell it out for them

[01:24:13] multiple times since it is part of my

[01:24:16] email address.

[01:24:17] So hours before I leave for the day I

[01:24:19] still don't have the photos.

[01:24:20] I text the customer and let him know

[01:24:22] and he told me that he would call

[01:24:23] them.

[01:24:24] Five minutes before I'm supposed to

[01:24:25] leave I call the shop again and

[01:24:27] don't get an answer or option to

[01:24:29] leave a message.

[01:24:29] I text the customer and let him know

[01:24:31] that photos aren't received yet and

[01:24:33] we won't be able to move forward on

[01:24:34] his claim until Monday.

[01:24:36] He starts blaming me for working in a

[01:24:39] different time zone stating it isn't

[01:24:41] fair that I work three hours ahead of

[01:24:42] him.

[01:24:43] I explain that I don't work three

[01:24:44] hours ahead of him.

[01:24:45] I'm just one hour ahead and the shop

[01:24:47] had all day to send me the photos

[01:24:49] needed.

[01:24:49] He now states that since he doesn't

[01:24:52] have a rental didn't purchase the

[01:24:54] coverage he's going to be fired on

[01:24:56] Monday and it's all my fault.

[01:24:58] I offer to set him up with a

[01:24:59] discounted rental and he tells me he

[01:25:02] doesn't have a rental company in his

[01:25:03] area but it's still my fault for him

[01:25:05] losing his job.

[01:25:06] Goodness gracious.

[01:25:08] I'm so sorry to hear that.

[01:25:10] You mean to tell me your employer is

[01:25:11] so heartless as to fire you for

[01:25:13] missing a workday unexpectedly when

[01:25:15] it's your first occurrence or

[01:25:16] infraction with them.

[01:25:17] You may want to contact your state

[01:25:19] department of labor then.

[01:25:21] He tells me I should just pay the

[01:25:23] claim and I'm holding up his claim

[01:25:25] for no reason to make life difficult

[01:25:27] for him.

[01:25:28] I would wonder what he thinks happens

[01:25:30] to adjusters who don't follow due

[01:25:31] diligence on a claim and just pay it.

[01:25:34] We don't get cookies that's for sure.

[01:25:36] In fact we face termination with our

[01:25:38] employer.

[01:25:39] Fines with a state the claim was

[01:25:41] handled in and possible jail time.

[01:25:43] Oh yeah and our employer can sue us for

[01:25:46] the money we pay to the customer without

[01:25:47] authorization.

[01:25:48] If the customer knowingly cashes the

[01:25:50] check when they know their claim wasn't

[01:25:52] supposed to be paid out they get

[01:25:54] reported to the federal government for

[01:25:55] insurance fraud and sued by the

[01:25:57] insurance company for repayment of the

[01:25:59] claim.

[01:26:00] I guess I'll see what he has to say on

[01:26:01] Monday.

[01:26:02] My supervisor has been reading my notes

[01:26:04] and keeping up to date with the

[01:26:05] claim and she is going to have a very

[01:26:07] fun conversation with him especially

[01:26:09] when all the cause exhibiting his bad

[01:26:11] behavior were recorded.

[01:26:12] ETA this is a single vehicle accident

[01:26:15] where the customer hit a large object in

[01:26:17] the road that he absolutely should have

[01:26:19] seen.

[01:26:20] I won't state the specifics in case he's

[01:26:22] a Redditor.

[01:26:22] He did not file a police report and he

[01:26:25] wanted to send me photos from the scene

[01:26:26] of the accident which took place at night

[01:26:28] and became more irate when I stated I

[01:26:31] needed a VIN photo from the sticker

[01:26:32] inside his driver's side door.

[01:26:35] Update not too much going on which is

[01:26:37] unexpected.

[01:26:39] It's been radio silence from the customer

[01:26:41] and I don't trust it.

[01:26:42] I'm expecting a full blow up.

[01:26:45] My supervisor called him and left a

[01:26:47] message yesterday but he hasn't called

[01:26:48] her back either.

[01:26:49] She informed me that I have her

[01:26:51] encouragement to put him on written

[01:26:53] only communication.

[01:26:54] I don't have to answer his calls

[01:26:56] anymore.

[01:26:57] She also stated that if he threatens

[01:26:58] me which I'm not sure if he will or

[01:27:00] not she will get our security team

[01:27:02] involved.

[01:27:03] I can press charges against him with his

[01:27:04] local police as these are recorded

[01:27:06] calls.

[01:27:07] I called the shop today and spoke with

[01:27:09] the owner.

[01:27:10] I explained how the rep I spoke with on

[01:27:12] Friday acted very unprofessionally and he

[01:27:14] informed me that the customer had

[01:27:16] apparently been calling her non-stop on

[01:27:17] Friday and harassing her as well because

[01:27:20] she somehow thought it was a good idea to

[01:27:22] give him her cell phone number when he

[01:27:23] demanded it.

[01:27:24] The owner is an old friend of the

[01:27:26] customer.

[01:27:27] You all called it.

[01:27:28] But he provided this info very freely and

[01:27:31] stated that after this repair they aren't

[01:27:33] friends anymore and he will blacklist him

[01:27:35] as the rep I spoke with is his niece.

[01:27:37] I got the photos and there were several

[01:27:40] very thorough photos.

[01:27:41] It is pretty minor damage and it is clear

[01:27:43] that he ran into something on the road.

[01:27:45] I can't give specifics but it was a metal

[01:27:47] object that happened to be laying in the

[01:27:49] road that got wedged in the undercarriage.

[01:27:51] It had to pull really hard to get it

[01:27:53] unstuck and the shop sent me a photo of

[01:27:55] the very warped item as well.

[01:27:57] Redditor sleuths also called that he has a

[01:28:00] huge custom item that was not on the

[01:28:02] policy.

[01:28:03] It's a bed cover for his truck but there

[01:28:05] was no damage to it and even if there

[01:28:07] was we wouldn't cover it if he didn't

[01:28:09] have endorsement for the custom equipment.

[01:28:11] I ran this SIU special investigations unit

[01:28:15] and while they agreed that the customer was

[01:28:17] acting shady as hell they didn't have

[01:28:19] enough info to start an investigation and

[01:28:21] they stated that since it is a single car

[01:28:23] accident we would still be obligated to

[01:28:25] cover his repairs even if he was lying.

[01:28:28] There are several states where we can

[01:28:30] deny a claim if the customer lies about

[01:28:31] how the accident happened but sadly this

[01:28:34] is not one of those states.

[01:28:35] I've texted the customer to let him know

[01:28:37] I got photos and that I was in contact

[01:28:39] with a shop but he hasn't responded in

[01:28:41] its radio silence.

[01:28:43] Either he's really embarrassed about his

[01:28:44] actions as he rightly should be or he's a

[01:28:47] ticking time bomb that's going to

[01:28:48] explode near the end of the week when

[01:28:50] I'm at my busiest just to tell me in

[01:28:52] detail how I made him lose his job.

[01:28:54] We shall see.

[01:28:55] This will probably be the last update

[01:28:57] but if anything else happens I'll be sure

[01:28:59] to let you know.

[01:29:00] I truly appreciate the support and

[01:29:02] collective what the fuck from everyone

[01:29:04] as it confirms I'm not just being crazy

[01:29:06] or sensitive.

[01:29:07] The one poster who told me that it's my

[01:29:09] job to handle this sort of thing

[01:29:10] I've been trained for it.

[01:29:12] One, I have never been trained for this

[01:29:14] level of crazy and I challenge you to

[01:29:16] find anyone short of an orderly and a

[01:29:18] psych ward to be trained for it and two

[01:29:20] it is my job to get cars fixed not to

[01:29:23] deal with harassment and bad behavior.

[01:29:25] Let this be a reminder to everyone to

[01:29:27] be kind to others especially the

[01:29:29] disembodied voices on your phone

[01:29:31] providing a service to you.

[01:29:33] And we do have another update to this

[01:29:36] and I always think like OP talking at

[01:29:39] the end there about you know talking to

[01:29:41] someone on the phone etc etc and no

[01:29:43] matter what if you're frustrated on the

[01:29:46] phone I always make it a point so this is

[01:29:49] just coming from my point of view

[01:29:50] because I've certainly faced frustration

[01:29:53] on the phone with with certain places

[01:29:57] before you know when you're getting

[01:29:59] passed from customer service to customer

[01:30:01] service it can be extremely frustrating.

[01:30:04] I always make a huge point though of

[01:30:06] being up front with people and saying

[01:30:08] look I'll start off just by telling you

[01:30:10] that I'm incredibly frustrated right now.

[01:30:12] I'm not frustrated at you however so

[01:30:14] please do not take this personally.

[01:30:16] I can remember myself saying that a lot

[01:30:18] when I was trying to help deal with my

[01:30:20] dad's illness and was calling around

[01:30:22] hospital getting passed from department

[01:30:23] to department trying to get certain

[01:30:25] medications for him and it you know

[01:30:28] you spend hours in a day trying to get

[01:30:30] through to certain people incredibly

[01:30:32] frustrating and I find most of the time

[01:30:35] you know if you come at people with

[01:30:37] that sort of attitude and you're like

[01:30:38] you're just saying like I understand

[01:30:41] that it's not you personally they're a lot

[01:30:44] more receptive.

[01:30:48] OP's update says I appreciate all the

[01:30:50] support I've received so far and I did get

[01:30:52] a few messages requesting an update.

[01:30:54] As I expected the quiet didn't last long

[01:30:57] and the customer was indeed a ticking

[01:30:59] time bomb.

[01:31:00] The shop got me the info I needed to

[01:31:01] complete an estimate for repairs and the

[01:31:03] owner explained that he expects he most

[01:31:06] likely will find additional damages that

[01:31:08] he will contact me for once he knows.

[01:31:10] He again apologized for his niece's

[01:31:12] behavior when I called the shop the first

[01:31:13] time and stated he's no longer friends

[01:31:15] with a customer.

[01:31:17] Special investigations unit did review the

[01:31:19] claim and stated that there wasn't enough

[01:31:21] evidence of fraud so no dice.

[01:31:23] I text the customer to see if he wanted me

[01:31:25] to issue payment to him or the shop

[01:31:28] directly.

[01:31:29] He immediately demanded I call him as he

[01:31:31] didn't agree to the estimate amount.

[01:31:33] A bit of info on how auto claims process

[01:31:36] works for payment.

[01:31:37] One insurance company creates an initial

[01:31:39] estimate based on what they can see of

[01:31:41] the damages.

[01:31:42] Two insurance pays an initial amount to

[01:31:44] get the ball rolling.

[01:31:46] Three the shop and insurance stay in

[01:31:47] context so that additional payment can be

[01:31:49] issued as needed through the process.

[01:31:51] As the shop finds additional and

[01:31:53] internal damages that might not have

[01:31:55] been super apparent initially.

[01:31:57] Sounds simple enough right?

[01:31:59] Knots for the customer.

[01:32:00] He starts talking about how the estimate

[01:32:03] from the shop is 7k and we are paying

[01:32:05] 6.5k.

[01:32:07] I let him know that we're happy to work

[01:32:09] with the shop to issue further payment as

[01:32:11] needed and explain that shop estimates

[01:32:12] are based on what they expect to see for

[01:32:15] the full repairs.

[01:32:16] And insurance pays what they can see and

[01:32:18] confirm.

[01:32:19] Not to mention to keep insurance prices

[01:32:21] down for our customers.

[01:32:22] We try to negotiate costs with the shop

[01:32:24] to ensure that what we pay is reasonable.

[01:32:26] Before I can get two words out he

[01:32:28] interrupts me and starts yelling saying

[01:32:30] how I lost his job and I'm now denying

[01:32:32] his claim since I'm refusing to pay the

[01:32:34] amount the shop demands.

[01:32:35] I explain again that we aren't denying

[01:32:38] the claim but this is the first of

[01:32:39] multiple payments we'll be issuing and

[01:32:42] I need to know where to send the

[01:32:43] payment.

[01:32:43] I tell him that if he keeps talking to

[01:32:46] me like that I will end the call.

[01:32:48] His response?

[01:32:49] Of course you will.

[01:32:50] No self-awareness or apology.

[01:32:53] Acting like a toddler when he's nearly

[01:32:54] 40.

[01:32:55] I continue trying to explain but he

[01:32:57] decides to keep talking over me and

[01:32:59] yelling at me.

[01:33:00] He starts to say shit about me as a

[01:33:02] person in my family and I interrupt and

[01:33:04] state,

[01:33:05] do you want to finish that sentence for

[01:33:06] this recorded line for who knows how

[01:33:08] many people to hear?

[01:33:09] He stops,

[01:33:10] stinks and then tells me that he hopes

[01:33:12] my husband sexually assaults me and

[01:33:14] leaves me.

[01:33:15] I recently got married and IT is in the

[01:33:18] process of changing my name in the

[01:33:19] system.

[01:33:20] So some of my systems show my new name

[01:33:23] and some show my maiden name.

[01:33:24] It causes a lot of confusion and so I

[01:33:27] have to explain it a lot while waiting

[01:33:29] for the updates.

[01:33:30] I had to explain it to this customer as

[01:33:32] well.

[01:33:32] So he knew full well he was saying this

[01:33:35] to a newlywed.

[01:33:36] I'll admit I kind of snapped a bit and

[01:33:39] left my tour guide Barbie voice behind

[01:33:41] real quick.

[01:33:42] I said,

[01:33:42] sir,

[01:33:43] during this entire claims process your

[01:33:45] own attitude has gone in the way of

[01:33:46] your repairs.

[01:33:47] The way you have acted to me,

[01:33:49] my co-workers and the employees at the

[01:33:51] shop is absolutely deplorable and you

[01:33:53] should be ashamed.

[01:33:54] You haven't said a kind word to me at