My Wife Is Prioritising A Bachelorette Over OUR Anniversary r/Relationships

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[00:00:53] Hey, hey, waffle gang.

[00:01:00] I do hope you're well.

[00:01:02] My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories.

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[00:01:12] Unless crack on with today's first story.

[00:01:15] Much love guys.

[00:01:16] Now today's first story is one that we've covered in the past but has a new update attached to it.

[00:01:21] So if you do want to skip parts of the story, time stamps are always down in the description.

[00:01:24] And along the timeline below, thank you.

[00:01:27] It's from 3000 and 4S that says,

[00:01:29] an IVR soul for being upset my wife will miss our first anniversary.

[00:01:34] For a bachelor at party.

[00:01:36] The woman my wife is missing our anniversary for hate me because I drove a wedge in their friendship.

[00:01:41] Since my wife obviously spends a large chunk of time with me.

[00:01:45] I also see through a bullying bullshit and do not have patience for her.

[00:01:50] Anytime my wife tries to include this friend in our plans, the friend whines about nearly everything.

[00:01:56] Yesterday she was car sick when we have to drive an hour and a half

[00:02:00] to and from the place we went to is she sat in the back.

[00:02:04] She tried to solve the problem by eating potato chips and two cans of soda.

[00:02:08] Only to keep complaining she felt sick.

[00:02:11] She was clearly hinting I should have been the one sitting in the back but I'm recovering

[00:02:15] from an injury and the extra room and the passenger seat is helpful.

[00:02:19] She made very obnoxious digs into my home country and background to the point where I almost

[00:02:24] took the train home leaving my wife with her friends. Living in a new country has already been

[00:02:29] exhausting. Having to hear things like that from my wife's friend wasn't pleasant.

[00:02:34] My wife didn't stand up for me against her friend which hurt my feelings.

[00:02:38] We spoke at length last night and today about it.

[00:02:41] A gring that would never go out with this friend again.

[00:02:44] My wife also said it was only a matter of time before the friendship ended because she couldn't

[00:02:49] deal with the negativity and self-centered attitude anymore.

[00:02:53] Onto the problem.

[00:02:55] April 17th is our first anniversary. My wife is the maid of honor at her wedding and

[00:03:01] got to choose when the bachelor at party is. She chose the week of our first anniversary

[00:03:06] meaning we would be flying home from my home country but very private getaway.

[00:03:11] I'd planned on our anniversary and my wife would leave me that night to go to this

[00:03:15] bachelor at weekend. I'm upset because my wife knew when her anniversary was.

[00:03:20] She knows this friend doesn't like me at all and the friend has made digs and comments about

[00:03:24] my wife getting married before her. I understand my wife is between a rock and a hard place

[00:03:29] but I'm tired of having to be understanding at the expense of my feelings over the friend.

[00:03:35] Edit. I don't know why everyone is dragging my wife.

[00:03:39] I've said several times this woman is a bully.

[00:03:42] Have you never had a friend who is clearly friends with a bully?

[00:03:45] It's a hard place to be in especially when the bully has been their friend for nearly 20 years.

[00:03:51] I've sent my wife interact with his friend and be mentally drained continuously now.

[00:03:56] It's a toxic relationship and those aren't things that are easy to get out of.

[00:04:00] I've been in a fair few myself so it's not as simple as she needs to block her.

[00:04:06] Edit too. I just had a very long discussion with my wife and explain my feelings.

[00:04:11] She's ending the friendship with a woman after the other woman in the car's birthday party

[00:04:15] in a week so there isn't a fallout. She said her own anxiety about the situation was

[00:04:20] clouding her judgement and making me feel how I did isn't what she wants at all.

[00:04:25] When action speaks louder than words sort of person, so let's see what happens.

[00:04:29] But she was heartbroken and worried I was going to start the conversation with a divorce.

[00:04:35] Of course people were asking questions after this post. Someone said on why they remained friends,

[00:04:40] so he says I don't either. The woman's other friends wised up and dropped her.

[00:04:45] My wife and this other woman who I know will drop her as soon as my wife has got sucked in because

[00:04:50] she had a crappy home life. So did I. I'm not an asshole though and adjusted just fine.

[00:04:56] I wouldn't jump the gun that the friend will destroy our marriage. My wife has already said it's

[00:05:00] me one million times over the friend. As I said, the friend is a bully. She's made my wife break

[00:05:06] down crying because I was too sick to have dinner with the friend when I first moved into the country.

[00:05:11] I went to hospital and the woman was giving my wife shit because she didn't get a chance to see

[00:05:15] me before everyone else. On what's more important, the wedding or the anniversary,

[00:05:20] Opie says we spoke today that she prioritises our relationship well at well over of her and her

[00:05:26] friend. She doesn't want to rock the boat though. She would 100% say our anniversary. I know this

[00:05:32] already but as I said, the friend is a bully and steamrolls people in their feelings.

[00:05:37] The other friend in the car tried to cut off that friend and the soon-to-be bride refused

[00:05:41] to let her end the friendship. She essentially wore her down until the woman complied.

[00:05:46] As you see in the second edit, I spoke with my wife for nearly two hours. She's afraid of the

[00:05:51] fallout she received from mutual friends. When I pointed out the mutual friends are likely friends

[00:05:56] with a person because of her. It was like a light bulb went off. She'd be ending their friendship

[00:06:00] as soon as this birthday party for the other woman in the Opie is over. They were all best friends

[00:06:06] for the last 20 years and my wife doesn't want to make things awkward for that friend. The Opie came

[00:06:11] in with her first update and said there were many discussions and disagreements leading up to her

[00:06:15] ending the friendship. Things were great at me that my wife was still going along with the

[00:06:19] friendship for the sake of her other friend in their friendship triangle's birthday party.

[00:06:24] Every day it was like I was more annoyed because she still hadn't even defended me to the friend

[00:06:29] and who was showing she cared less about me and how I felt in her country when she knows how much

[00:06:34] I missed my mind. She knew she needed to end it anyway and said losing our relationship wasn't an

[00:06:39] option. After a bit of crying it was clear how psychotic she thinks her friend is.

[00:06:45] My wife believes their friend will likely key her car, chop to the house and cause problems,

[00:06:49] drag all the other friends involved into it. It all came to a head when I told her I was not

[00:06:54] returning to her country from mine but back in mind for a Christmas thing with my family if

[00:06:59] the friendship was still intact. She ended the friendship two days later after the friend called

[00:07:04] me racist towards the very large white 85% plus majority of her country. I am white. As expected

[00:07:12] the friend has started to go off the rails so far it's been excessive phone calls, text,

[00:07:17] the friend tried to text me and apologise for her comments to salvage anything with my wife

[00:07:22] but I had changed my number a week prior. The apology was something along the lines of

[00:07:27] sorry if what I said hurt your feelings but your words hurt mine. What I said I just pointed out

[00:07:33] my frustration with lived experiences from the new country every day. Friendship is over,

[00:07:38] wife is worried ex-friend will key her car. She's genuinely fearful of this ex-friend.

[00:07:43] We'll be installing another camera as soon as we get home that only points to her car.

[00:07:48] I doubt this is the last update and we actually booked a vacation for our first year anniversary.

[00:07:53] Around 20 days later Opie comes in with an update and says my wife had an exchange of

[00:07:59] bachelor at party information with a new maid of honour at a cafe. The new maid of honour and

[00:08:03] her old friends she knew exactly why my wife was doing what she did in ending the friendship.

[00:08:09] The ex-friend made a request through the maid of honour that she wanted my wife to leave all

[00:08:13] pictures and videos of her from her phone. It was a bit of a head scratcher with how paranoid

[00:08:17] the ex-friend is because my wife would never even think to do anything negatively with them.

[00:08:22] It makes me think that the ex-friend will do to all my wife's images and videos from over the years

[00:08:27] if she's thinking my wife would do anything with hers. It just seems like another odd bit of

[00:08:32] controlling behaviour. The only real annoyance other than that is I've had to spend out of pocket

[00:08:37] $500 for my wife's dress, makeup hair that was paid for already. The dress was $40. She hasn't

[00:08:44] had a hair and makeup done and someone has already filled her slot as the missing bride made.

[00:08:49] My wife spent $400 on the hotel room we won't get to use for the wedding days. Nearly $1000

[00:08:55] out of pocket. Worth it though. The biggest upside has been my wife is much more relaxed over the last

[00:09:00] month. She doesn't get sucked into drama via text when looking at her phone now. She isn't on

[00:09:05] Snapchat having to hear her ex-friend talk horribly about her friends, her fiancé etc. So the messages

[00:09:11] disappear. I've always said to her the way she talked about all those others to you. She's

[00:09:16] talking right back to them the same way about you. We've been enjoying the last month plus of peace

[00:09:22] and quiet and hope it stays that way. I likely wouldn't have any further update unless something

[00:09:26] actually happens. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this

[00:09:33] situation? Do you think as the end of this one let us know your thoughts down in the comments

[00:09:37] below and let's move into another story with an update as well from throwaway agent 0-0-0 which

[00:09:44] says wife 36 female wanted an open marriage after i-38 male started dating she wants to add more rules.

[00:09:55] What would you do in my position? Two and a half years ago my wife Sarah 36 female asked me to

[00:10:03] open our marriage. She strongly implied the alternative was divorce. After thinking it through I said yes

[00:10:10] primarily because we do have two children. I worked long hours and the divorce sounded horrible.

[00:10:16] So I set up some ground rules not bringing dates into our house no dating mutual friends acquaintances

[00:10:22] family members colleagues keeping things private. For the next two years i focused on my job and

[00:10:28] on my kids. I worked long hours little free time I had I devoted to my kids. I didn't have time

[00:10:34] for dating so I wasn't even trying. I moved to another room because I thought of Sarah having sex

[00:10:39] with another man and sleeping in my bed felt horrible. Our relationship became purely transactional

[00:10:46] we became partners at raising kids I didn't want to know anything about a sex life this summer

[00:10:51] I managed to fulfill my financial goals. I do not have any debt whatsoever both my kids have

[00:10:57] enough money in their college fund and all they have to do is keep adding some savings every month

[00:11:02] into the fund I made for their first home deposits. So I did some math and decided to cut my work from

[00:11:08] 74 hours to just 30 per week. Sarah wanted to get indebted again to buy another house and a new car

[00:11:15] I said no. I used my free time to finally have a vacation I really needed took older some with

[00:11:21] me to tour US together did some renovation work on our house and basement into a man cave started

[00:11:27] working out play sports leading a healthier life then I actually started trying to land a date

[00:11:33] for me just having sex with somebody is not my thing. I want to at least be a friend before that

[00:11:39] to go out together watch movies have fun and have sex so I dated a couple of women and found a

[00:11:46] Jane with whom I clicked with Jane I was going out to concerts our galleries Comic Con's movies

[00:11:53] and we would boink too cheeky Sarah wanted to talk about my days I said no

[00:12:00] and I caught Sarah snooping through my phone and we had a very strongly worded argument now Sarah

[00:12:06] wants to update the terms of our open marriage she wants us to repair our marriage by going to

[00:12:11] the counselor she wants us to sleep in the same room go outside and have fun together

[00:12:16] are outside of marriage relationships are to be strictly sexual and nothing else and we have to talk

[00:12:21] about our sexual partners I told her that I'm content with the situation as it is I don't mind if

[00:12:27] she finds a partner to go out with I encouraged her to and I don't want to talk about our partners

[00:12:33] she's holding her ground this point I'm split between trying to fix our marriage and handing

[00:12:38] her the divorce papers I need advice guys hey I'm Ryan Reynolds at Mint Mobile we like to do the

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[00:13:33] and if I'm being blunt in this one it just feels like that marriage is already over it ended when

[00:13:39] you know when when this whole thing happened and you've pretty much just been divorced without

[00:13:45] the paperwork but zcm says should have divorced her when she wanted to open up the marriage

[00:13:51] her plan was for her to fuck around but you finding a girlfriend. Opie says I'm glad I didn't

[00:13:56] divorce at that point I grew up in a very poor family had the smart but couldn't afford to

[00:14:01] college had to struggle from the beginning to actually make it I don't want my kids to have

[00:14:06] to go through that by staying in the marriage I could keep working hard while still seeing my kids

[00:14:11] I could save enough to give them a chance in life with free collegeing going to save for their

[00:14:15] deposits as well so I actually do not have any regrets about that decision

[00:14:20] Taylor says tell her that it stays as is all divorce personally I would divorce your wife

[00:14:26] she's selfish and hasn't give two shits about you for the past two plus years

[00:14:31] she doesn't care until you got with someone probably because she felt you couldn't get anyone else

[00:14:35] leave dude you deserve better by the way this is gonna block now she's jealous

[00:14:40] you'll be branded a cheater so you need to protect yourself no more temper says your wife is a

[00:14:46] hypocrite you are emotionally numb down you agree to open up the marriage upon her request which

[00:14:52] was a really terrible idea that would have been the time to do the work you both should have done

[00:14:57] to fix this shit marriages get stale from time to time she needed to turn towards you not put

[00:15:03] her emotional energy into new dick sorry about the craft language I don't mean any disrespect but

[00:15:08] you need a wake up call you do not have a marriage it's a business arrangement now so what's the

[00:15:14] point pretty sure you know the answer good luck opian I hope you find what you're looking for

[00:15:20] opie quotes that and says yeah I recently noticed that too things which you said drive an emotional

[00:15:25] response from me are now leaving me feeling nothing my friend died and I went to his funeral in

[00:15:31] all and didn't feel anything just felt like shit for not feeling anything nobody notices because I

[00:15:37] act emotional responses I've been planning to see a therapist and one more comment from rip

[00:15:42] dirt back who says this isn't a marriage you to a nothing other than partners in this business of

[00:15:48] your family and have been since you decided to open the marriage like that credit to you for the

[00:15:53] work you've done and I'm sure having reliable support at home for the kids is while you're able

[00:15:57] to work 74 or at least specific hours a week but this isn't a romantic partnership and seems to

[00:16:04] not been for a while also I tell you understand the line you've drawn around not wanting to hear

[00:16:10] your wife about it she wanted to open the relationship you let it happen she wants to turn it into

[00:16:15] a shared kink fuck that noise opia adds a little bit of extra information and quoted someone saying

[00:16:22] but man you're working 74 hours per week and spending your free time with the kids then says

[00:16:27] after she decided to open our marriage at which point I pretty much focused on completing financial

[00:16:32] goals as soon as possible I was working longer hours before that but not that long I was finding

[00:16:38] time to spend with Sarah then quotes now you have free time you're still choosing not to see your

[00:16:43] wife and then says actually left her to initiate that if she wished to she didn't quotes again saying

[00:16:49] so yeah she probably just didn't estimate you'd be having a fun simultaneous relationship and

[00:16:54] says except I'm not having too simultaneous relationships didn't Sarah decided to open our marriage

[00:16:59] the two of us didn't have any intimate moments we didn't sleep together we didn't go outside

[00:17:04] together after I switched to work in 30 hours she didn't initiate to change anything our relationship

[00:17:10] was co-parenting under the same roof really once I started dating other women she started snooping

[00:17:15] around she found out I was dating Jane she wanted to change the rules even then she said nothing

[00:17:21] about closing the relationship just changed to only having sex outside her marriage which boils

[00:17:26] down to me not being able to have a single intimate relationship

[00:17:32] that op comes in saying several people have an ask for an update on my previous post so here it is

[00:17:38] me and my wife have had two sessions for the couples counselor counselor was very dedicated

[00:17:43] and professional however Sarah kept making demands which felt very unreasonable and unfair she wants

[00:17:48] to keep an open relationship which is only about sex she doesn't want to find a job and keep

[00:17:54] she wants us to buy a new house in every variation she stubbornly wasn't to have two thirds of

[00:18:01] these things today during the counseling she threatened divorce after counseling she said counselor

[00:18:07] was taking my side and wanted to change to another counselor although I think counselor was just

[00:18:12] trying to be fair and find a compromise I had a talk with a lawyer and started divorce proceedings

[00:18:18] you'll get the papers in a couple of days I'll give her two months to start earning on her own

[00:18:23] after that I'm not giving any money whatsoever to her anymore yes I just wanted to add that

[00:18:29] I only started working 74 hours a week after she decided to open our marriage before that I was

[00:18:34] working around 50 hours a week wasn't spending my time at bars and clubs either out with chores

[00:18:39] as much as I could and was being home and available every weekend I never understand people like

[00:18:46] that who want to go to counseling but when the counselor doesn't agree with them and try to make

[00:18:51] themselves reflect they're like no you need to find another counselor and threatening to divorce

[00:18:55] OP I mean I couldn't see this story ending in any other way and I gotta be honest I think it's

[00:19:01] like the best way forward and I think one of the positives to come out of this at least OP's debt

[00:19:06] free right but anyway what do you guys make of this situation let us know your thoughts down in

[00:19:13] the comments below and let's have another story and it's a story without an update as yet from

[00:19:20] sad hold 7262 who says I'm I the asshole for canceling our apartment signing after I found out

[00:19:27] that my boyfriend bought an expensive car my boyfriend 31 male and I 28 female have been together

[00:19:35] for just over two years we've been living with roommates and have been looking to move in for a while

[00:19:40] it's expensive and I have a dog so it's been difficult finding a landlord that would be okay

[00:19:45] with a dog my friend has been moving out and Chesa dog 2 and is willing to sublet for us

[00:19:51] the landlord said they're okay with assigning if we want to stay after the eight month sublet

[00:19:56] it's a fairly good price near work so I'm happy with it

[00:20:00] we went through the credit check and we're about to sign it but recently I discovered that my

[00:20:03] boyfriend bought another car he already has a daily driver but wants a weekend car which I'd

[00:20:10] personally find ridiculous but anyone needs two cars he has a Honda Accord that is fine and

[00:20:16] he's never complained about problems with it but he recently said he bought another car

[00:20:21] he isn't the best with money he really likes to spend the last dollar and doesn't have

[00:20:26] any savings but the bait him out twice on rent you both pay around a $1,100 plus utilities

[00:20:33] he makes around 70k a year so he should have savings but he doesn't he paid me back but it was

[00:20:40] months later than we agreed on so I wasn't really happy that he did that but I didn't realize he bought

[00:20:46] such an expensive car he didn't show me it until Saturday when he picked me up in a cool vet

[00:20:52] I don't know what model it is but I asked him how much it was and he said it wasn't my business

[00:20:56] and I was pissed off he bought a clearly expensive car admitted later because I refused to let it

[00:21:02] go that it was 42,000 and I tried it in the Honda even then his payments are almost $800 a month

[00:21:09] was so mad he did that especially because he asked me to cover part of his share of the apartment

[00:21:14] security deposit a week before he bought the car I called my friend and apologized and told her

[00:21:19] I can't sign the lease and she said she was okay with it I didn't pay the deposit yet thankfully

[00:21:24] my roommate is okay with me staying so I'm good but my boyfriend leases ending and the landlord

[00:21:29] wants him out so he's mad at me counselling us moving in together because now he still needs to move

[00:21:35] I hope we'll probably be paying more then if we moved in together yelled at me for butting

[00:21:39] in on his business saying it's not my business what he buys I think that's fair but he also

[00:21:44] doesn't have any money and more than expensive cars so if anything goes wrong I have to pay his share

[00:21:49] of rent now for me this is absolutely your business because it's affecting you you've already given

[00:21:56] his history and how unreliable he is but you really need to consider your future

[00:22:01] of moving in with this person which is a huge life change like you said if he fucks up

[00:22:06] you're in the hot seat and for me and it might sound a bit dramatic I would seriously be

[00:22:10] sidying the whole relationship and how far you want to go until he has his finances under control

[00:22:16] at least sure you keep the relationship casual if you want go on dates all that stuff not moving

[00:22:22] together but if you're really getting serious about it then you need to discuss these finances

[00:22:27] what he's doing with it because spending 42k on a car but in some ways he seems to be like

[00:22:31] struggling month to month is not a good financial decision it will affect you going to have a

[00:22:36] knock on effect on you which you just don't need in your life right I'm not quite sure how this guy

[00:22:41] is spending all those money month to month I'm sure it's possible but I'm not sure where he's

[00:22:45] spending it and if he's already struggling having a car like that I'm not sure I've never

[00:22:50] undercooked that but I've had a couple of high maintenance cars in the past but nothing to that

[00:22:56] kind of level it will get expensive yeah it'd be possible check out time for me but

[00:23:02] Sir Racer says not the asshole he hasn't paid you back for the time you've had to cover his rent

[00:23:06] but it's not your business that he buys himself a call vet I keep dating this man you clearly can't trust

[00:23:12] him hope he says he paid me back he said he would pay me as soon as payday comes around and

[00:23:18] he didn't pay me back fully until months after I lent him the money we are compatible if not for

[00:23:23] finances and I guess I'm hoping he will change on that so we can still be together and it was not

[00:23:29] likely but I guess I don't want to break up because of money but I'm not willing to move in

[00:23:33] until he changes Igor says money is something that breaks up relationships

[00:23:39] it's clear the two of you are incompatible in your attitudes towards money you think he should have

[00:23:44] he thinks money is for spending he's blurry about the lines between your money and his money

[00:23:49] or he wouldn't have asked you to cover for him while not mentioning he was buying an expensive car

[00:23:54] it's a good call to not move in with him not the asshole

[00:23:59] in a final comment from Nana Leoni who says not the asshole with a bunch of red flags and says

[00:24:04] just under $800 car payment who knows how much for insurance and maintenance and he only earned 70k

[00:24:11] that nettle gross he couldn't afford to rent on that apartment did the right thing to walk away

[00:24:16] from being trapped in the apartment rental with him now try and put yourself in op shoes what would

[00:24:23] you do in this position do you think you know there's a way to work through this with him there's

[00:24:28] a way that you can maybe talk about finances and still build a future together or would this be

[00:24:34] major red flags for you would this be the end of the relationship I got to be honest for me it's

[00:24:39] putting major red flags up especially when it's having a knock on effect with opn yet he still

[00:24:45] stands where you know it's none of your business but what do you guys make of this situation let us

[00:24:51] know your thoughts down in the comments below now just a huge thank you from the bottom of my

[00:24:55] heart for getting involved in today's stories your love your support your time always means the

[00:24:59] absolute world to me so thank you so so much for being involved and hopefully I see you

[00:25:04] in the next one your cheeky so and so much love

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