My Wife Is Insisting On Being Her Sisters Surrogate Against My Wishes r/Relationships

[00:00:03] [SPEAKER_00]: Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories

[00:00:10] [SPEAKER_00]: And if you do love a Reddit story why not consider

[00:00:12] [SPEAKER_00]: And a like

[00:00:14] [SPEAKER_00]: Subscribe maybe that notification bell too and let's crack on with today's first story

[00:00:20] [SPEAKER_00]: Not sure why I'm chuckling so much today and this story comes from little bear one zero five three from the MI the arseal here

[00:00:28] [SPEAKER_00]: Subreddit and before I do get into this story

[00:00:31] [SPEAKER_00]: I do want to give you a warning that this talk of domestic violence

[00:00:34] [SPEAKER_00]: So if you do want to skip the story, please feel free to do so timestamps are always down in the description and along the timeline below

[00:00:41] [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you. Now this story is titled MI the arseal for not wanting my wife to do surrogacy

[00:00:48] [SPEAKER_00]: My 34 male wife Olivia 32 female was asked by her sister Sophia 29 female if she could be a surrogate

[00:00:58] [SPEAKER_00]: Sophia has struggled with infertility for years and she and her husband have been wanting a kid for a long time

[00:01:04] [SPEAKER_00]: Olivia and I have four sons 10

[00:01:07] [SPEAKER_00]: 5 5 and 3 and don't plan on having more children

[00:01:12] [SPEAKER_00]: Olivia wants to do this for a sister and already agreed to it before discussing it with me after Olivia gave birth to our youngest

[00:01:19] [SPEAKER_00]: She suffered from postpartum depression

[00:01:22] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm worried that this might happen again and not to mention the toll it will take on her body

[00:01:27] [SPEAKER_00]: I talked with her and told her my concerns

[00:01:30] [SPEAKER_00]: But she got defensive and began yelling at me telling me that I'm a horrible person

[00:01:35] [SPEAKER_00]: Not wanting to help Sophia and her husband after they've struggled for so long

[00:01:39] [SPEAKER_00]: I told her I wanted them to be able to have a kid, but there were other options that didn't involve her

[00:01:45] [SPEAKER_00]: She shouted some more and stormed out of the house and didn't come back until the morning

[00:01:50] [SPEAKER_00]: I messaged Sophia's husband Dean as he and I get along really well

[00:01:55] [SPEAKER_00]: I told him how I felt about the situation and he completely understood and told me he'd talked to Sophia

[00:02:02] [SPEAKER_00]: He messaged me later that night and told me that he had tried to change Sophia's mind, but she wouldn't listen

[00:02:08] [SPEAKER_00]: When Olivia came home from work that night. She stormed up to me and slapped me

[00:02:13] [SPEAKER_00]: She told me that Sophia said Dean didn't want to follow through with a surrogacy because of me and Sophia was really upset about it

[00:02:21] [SPEAKER_00]: Olivia called me selfish and told me to get over it because she's doing it regardless of how I feel

[00:02:27] [SPEAKER_00]: I've given up talking to her about it, and I don't want her to get more angry

[00:02:31] [SPEAKER_00]: She's been sleeping in the guest bedroom

[00:02:34] [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm pretty sure she's only staying at the house because of the boys

[00:02:37] [SPEAKER_00]: We barely talk and she doesn't even look at me

[00:02:40] [SPEAKER_00]: I got a message from Dean saying they've got an appointment later this week to begin the process

[00:02:46] [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know what to do anymore. I didn't want to see her go through what she did again

[00:02:50] [SPEAKER_00]: I guess there's nothing I can do though. She's already made up her mind

[00:02:55] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm gonna start in the comments with text on it who says dude

[00:02:58] [SPEAKER_00]: I think your marriage has bigger problems than your sister-in-law's pregnancy desire

[00:03:03] [SPEAKER_00]: See your reply saying yeah, I got a rascopee does she hit you often?

[00:03:07] [SPEAKER_00]: Breaking says

[00:03:09] [SPEAKER_00]: I've been on the end of this

[00:03:10] [SPEAKER_00]: I thought everything was fine and it was a few small cases with her

[00:03:14] [SPEAKER_00]: Then it dawned on me that 99% of the time things were fine because things went away

[00:03:19] [SPEAKER_00]: And I was accrued every time most of the time we did truly agree

[00:03:23] [SPEAKER_00]: But the other times I just went along with it

[00:03:25] [SPEAKER_00]: So it wasn't until I looked at what happened

[00:03:28] [SPEAKER_00]: I stood up for myself and beliefs and realized those were all times I was gaslit and hit

[00:03:33] [SPEAKER_00]: Big pair says I help or not

[00:03:35] [SPEAKER_00]: I would be more worried about your wife's behavior towards you to express concern

[00:03:39] [SPEAKER_00]: She turned to anger and physically assaulted you. This is not good behavior towards a loved one

[00:03:45] [SPEAKER_00]: Not the asshole for expressing your concerns

[00:03:49] [SPEAKER_00]: Jokester says not the asshole

[00:03:50] [SPEAKER_00]: She unilaterally chose a decision that will affect your whole family your concerns are valid

[00:03:56] [SPEAKER_00]: I don't like the fact that she physically assaulted you

[00:03:58] [SPEAKER_00]: She's now ignoring you creating a hostile home environment for you and your children

[00:04:03] [SPEAKER_00]: The marriage is supposed to be a partnership that is not happening. Is this normal behavior for her?

[00:04:09] [SPEAKER_00]: Physically assaulting you giving you the cold shoulder

[00:04:13] [SPEAKER_00]: Unfortunately, I think this will be the straw that broke the camel's back

[00:04:16] [SPEAKER_00]: I doubt your marriage survives the pregnancy

[00:04:19] [SPEAKER_00]: You may not want to do it but get a consultation from a divorce attorney

[00:04:23] [SPEAKER_00]: Your wife is taking you for granted

[00:04:25] [SPEAKER_00]: But also quick communicating with the in-laws. They will support her and drive a wedge between the two of you

[00:04:31] [SPEAKER_00]: And one more comment from top bit who says the slap alone would push me to a divorce lawyer not to mention all the shouting

[00:04:38] [SPEAKER_00]: This is what she liked when she's not suffering from ppd

[00:04:42] [SPEAKER_00]: A friend of mine did this for someone the hormones they put her through so she could carry the embryo or brutal

[00:04:48] [SPEAKER_00]: The moods were off the chart. I'm sure she expects you cater to her every passing whim

[00:04:54] [SPEAKER_00]: This doesn't sound like something that should happen without both married partners agreeing

[00:04:57] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to cover the domestic violence part in a moment, but this is something that affects your whole family

[00:05:04] [SPEAKER_00]: You have children and pregnancy is a huge thing

[00:05:09] [SPEAKER_00]: That will 100% affect everything that you're going through

[00:05:12] [SPEAKER_00]: I totally understand why you've got concerns against this

[00:05:16] [SPEAKER_00]: I think with four children the position in life you're being in I would feel the same way

[00:05:21] [SPEAKER_00]: Of course, it's sad for so fear. Of course, you want to help them when they've been struggling for that long

[00:05:29] [SPEAKER_00]: But you're absolutely right to raise concerns about it. There's no two ways about it

[00:05:33] [SPEAKER_00]: So for her to come into this and then hit you

[00:05:37] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that will be the deal breaker for me immediately

[00:05:40] [SPEAKER_00]: Someone lays a hand on you thinks that the way of talking about things is raising their voice at you and shouting at you

[00:05:47] [SPEAKER_00]: Telling you that you're the horrible person for raising concerns about everything that's going on around you

[00:05:53] [SPEAKER_00]: like that

[00:05:55] [SPEAKER_00]: But op comes into their post with an update and says I've been reading the comments on my first post for the last several days

[00:06:01] [SPEAKER_00]: And i'm feeling a mix of emotions from them

[00:06:04] [SPEAKER_00]: There are things I need to address so I'll do that now before I get into what's been happening since that post

[00:06:10] [SPEAKER_00]: To start off many people have noticed that I haven't replied to anyone's comments and are calling me out for it

[00:06:16] [SPEAKER_00]: To be honest, I didn't plan on answering any comments

[00:06:18] [SPEAKER_00]: I've seen posts where the op doesn't reply to anyone. So I didn't think it was a big deal

[00:06:23] [SPEAKER_00]: The comments were very overwhelming as well

[00:06:26] [SPEAKER_00]: I've seen a lot of comments saying that this is fake and honestly, I wish it was but it isn't

[00:06:32] [SPEAKER_00]: I would never lie about something like this

[00:06:34] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not the type of guy to do that and the reason my account is new is because I didn't want to post anything on my main account

[00:06:41] [SPEAKER_00]: There have also been messages I've received that have been less than kind and haven't helped in the slightest with what's been happening

[00:06:48] [SPEAKER_00]: The things people have sent me are really helpful and disgusting

[00:06:52] [SPEAKER_00]: And I've been noticing people call me an asshole for going behind Olivia's back and talking to Dean

[00:06:57] [SPEAKER_00]: The reason I spoke to Dean was because at any time I tried to talk to Olivia

[00:07:01] [SPEAKER_00]: She would ignore me and walk away

[00:07:04] [SPEAKER_00]: So fear wasn't even an option. She hasn't liked me since Olivia and I began dating

[00:07:09] [SPEAKER_00]: I have no idea why but she's always been rude to me

[00:07:12] [SPEAKER_00]: And I knew if I talked to her about this it wouldn't go well

[00:07:15] [SPEAKER_00]: And the thing that everyone has been talking about the abuse

[00:07:19] [SPEAKER_00]: So this wasn't the first time Olivia has hit me

[00:07:22] [SPEAKER_00]: It started a few months before our oldest was born

[00:07:26] [SPEAKER_00]: It happened out of nowhere

[00:07:28] [SPEAKER_00]: I talked to her about it and she promised it wouldn't happen again, but it did

[00:07:33] [SPEAKER_00]: Every time she would hit me she'd apologize afterwards, but soon she stopped apologizing

[00:07:39] [SPEAKER_00]: I did try to stand up to her

[00:07:40] [SPEAKER_00]: But whenever I did she hit me harder and said she'd scream if I did anything

[00:07:45] [SPEAKER_00]: I told her I'd go to the police and she said she'd claim it was self-defense

[00:07:50] [SPEAKER_00]: She then began to mock me by saying that no one would ever believe me and then all sighed with her

[00:07:55] [SPEAKER_00]: And I'd never see my boys again

[00:07:57] [SPEAKER_00]: It just got worse as the years passed

[00:08:00] [SPEAKER_00]: I know a lot of people will call me weak and that I need to grow a pair

[00:08:04] [SPEAKER_00]: But I was terrified

[00:08:06] [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't want to lose my kids

[00:08:08] [SPEAKER_00]: It meant everything to me

[00:08:09] [SPEAKER_00]: And if I had to put up with the abuse to be with them then I would

[00:08:14] [SPEAKER_00]: Olivia has never touched the boys

[00:08:16] [SPEAKER_00]: I asked her one time if she had and let's just say that didn't end well

[00:08:20] [SPEAKER_00]: I've checked them for marks and have seen nothing

[00:08:22] [SPEAKER_00]: And the boys are hardly out of my sight and I haven't seen anything amiss

[00:08:26] [SPEAKER_00]: She also never hit me in front of them

[00:08:28] [SPEAKER_00]: She always does it when they're not around

[00:08:32] [SPEAKER_00]: My two older brothers Sam and Jack figured out what was happening and begged me to go to the police

[00:08:37] [SPEAKER_00]: But I couldn't

[00:08:38] [SPEAKER_00]: I asked them not to say anything

[00:08:40] [SPEAKER_00]: But my oldest brother Sam has a friend who's a lawyer

[00:08:44] [SPEAKER_00]: I found out only recently that I've been talking to him about it

[00:08:47] [SPEAKER_00]: And I've been secretly telling him when they notice I have a new mark or when something happens

[00:08:52] [SPEAKER_00]: Back to the main problem though

[00:08:54] [SPEAKER_00]: I hadn't seen Olivia for almost two days and when she came back I asked if we could talk

[00:09:00] [SPEAKER_00]: The boys were with Jack for the day so they weren't in the house

[00:09:04] [SPEAKER_00]: She went to walk away again but I stepped in front of her and said we needed to talk

[00:09:08] [SPEAKER_00]: This was the first time I stood up to her in years and I was scared as hell

[00:09:13] [SPEAKER_00]: She looked shocked but then she put the scowl back on and huffed out a fine

[00:09:18] [SPEAKER_00]: Add my phone beside me and recorded the conversation

[00:09:21] [SPEAKER_00]: We sat on the couch and I told her how I felt about the surrogacy

[00:09:25] [SPEAKER_00]: She kept rolling her eyes and scoffing every time I said something

[00:09:29] [SPEAKER_00]: I told her I was worried about how it would affect our family

[00:09:32] [SPEAKER_00]: I brought up the PPD again and she got angry

[00:09:35] [SPEAKER_00]: She started yelling at me telling me it was my fault that she had it

[00:09:39] [SPEAKER_00]: And I should never have gotten her pregnant

[00:09:42] [SPEAKER_00]: Every kid except for our oldest who wasn't planned was her idea

[00:09:46] [SPEAKER_00]: That's not to say I didn't want my boys

[00:09:48] [SPEAKER_00]: I did but I didn't have a say about it

[00:09:51] [SPEAKER_00]: She called me a horrible father and husband and said that I should support her

[00:09:55] [SPEAKER_00]: I said that if she goes through with the surrogacy

[00:09:58] [SPEAKER_00]: I won't be supporting her as it's not my kid

[00:10:00] [SPEAKER_00]: She got mad, hit me, called me an asshole, hit me again and left the house

[00:10:05] [SPEAKER_00]: I called Sam and asked if he could come over and waited for him to arrive

[00:10:10] [SPEAKER_00]: When he got to my house I just broke down

[00:10:12] [SPEAKER_00]: I told him everything what's been going on

[00:10:14] [SPEAKER_00]: The abuse, the surrogacy, the self-harm and suicidal thoughts

[00:10:18] [SPEAKER_00]: He hugged me and told me it would be alright and everything would work out

[00:10:23] [SPEAKER_00]: This is when he told me about his lawyer friend and how he and Jack had been talking to him

[00:10:28] [SPEAKER_00]: I told him I recorded the conversation with Olivia

[00:10:31] [SPEAKER_00]: And he said he'd send it to his friend

[00:10:33] [SPEAKER_00]: Along with a photo of the bruise from when she hit me before

[00:10:36] [SPEAKER_00]: And a few other marks as well

[00:10:38] [SPEAKER_00]: I had given up years ago

[00:10:40] [SPEAKER_00]: And my kids were the only thing keeping me going

[00:10:42] [SPEAKER_00]: I suffered from depression and self-harm

[00:10:44] [SPEAKER_00]: Which I still do

[00:10:46] [SPEAKER_00]: And I think if I didn't have my boys

[00:10:48] [SPEAKER_00]: I wouldn't be here

[00:10:50] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm finally standing up for myself

[00:10:52] [SPEAKER_00]: And it feels good

[00:10:53] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to divorce her and go for full custody

[00:10:56] [SPEAKER_00]: I just hope the courts won't take her side

[00:10:58] [SPEAKER_00]: And I just want to thank everyone who's been really kind about this

[00:11:02] [SPEAKER_00]: Especially the people who messaged me

[00:11:04] [SPEAKER_00]: I haven't replied to all of them

[00:11:06] [SPEAKER_00]: But just know that I appreciate it so much

[00:11:10] [SPEAKER_00]: And one of the top comments from this post said

[00:11:13] [SPEAKER_00]: From jokester who says good for you

[00:11:14] [SPEAKER_00]: Only you can stop the abuse

[00:11:16] [SPEAKER_00]: She knows she can physically assault you

[00:11:19] [SPEAKER_00]: And you won't do anything about it

[00:11:20] [SPEAKER_00]: You need to press assault charges on her

[00:11:23] [SPEAKER_00]: You need to see a divorce attorney

[00:11:25] [SPEAKER_00]: Just because you're a man

[00:11:26] [SPEAKER_00]: Doesn't mean that you have to put up with physical abuse

[00:11:29] [SPEAKER_00]: You've let this go on for too long

[00:11:31] [SPEAKER_00]: Eventually she will start abusing you in front of your boys

[00:11:34] [SPEAKER_00]: Is this the example you want to set for them?

[00:11:36] [SPEAKER_00]: To be physically abused by their spouse

[00:11:39] [SPEAKER_00]: Who claims to love them?

[00:11:40] [SPEAKER_00]: Do it for your boys

[00:11:42] [SPEAKER_00]: Otherwise they will think this is normal behaviour

[00:11:44] [SPEAKER_00]: But also recommend putting up some nanny cameras in the house

[00:11:47] [SPEAKER_00]: You have audio but a visual will seal the deal

[00:11:51] [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm glad that OP has taken the right steps

[00:11:54] [SPEAKER_00]: To get themselves out of that situation

[00:11:56] [SPEAKER_00]: That sounds absolutely horrific

[00:11:59] [SPEAKER_00]: And you know, like the comment said

[00:12:01] [SPEAKER_00]: You don't want your boys to be seeing that either

[00:12:03] [SPEAKER_00]: It sounds like something that can only keep escalating time and time again

[00:12:09] [SPEAKER_00]: I always find it particularly interesting

[00:12:11] [SPEAKER_00]: And you know, I'm not slamming on anyone here

[00:12:14] [SPEAKER_00]: Or anything like that

[00:12:15] [SPEAKER_00]: But how abusive behaviours can be normalised in your own minds

[00:12:20] [SPEAKER_00]: I've been watching a documentary

[00:12:21] [SPEAKER_00]: Very popular at the moment

[00:12:23] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm sure you may have seen it as well

[00:12:24] [SPEAKER_00]: This whole baby reindeer thing that's going around on Netflix

[00:12:27] [SPEAKER_00]: How behaviours get twisted back around on you

[00:12:30] [SPEAKER_00]: You feel guilty for certain things

[00:12:32] [SPEAKER_00]: And we saw similar behaviours in this one

[00:12:34] [SPEAKER_00]: Where she told you that no one would ever believe you

[00:12:37] [SPEAKER_00]: And they're all side with her

[00:12:39] [SPEAKER_00]: And you'd never see your boys again

[00:12:41] [SPEAKER_00]: Fucking sick man

[00:12:43] [SPEAKER_00]: But I hope OP does get themselves out of the situation

[00:12:47] [SPEAKER_00]: But now, I'm going to turn this one to you guys

[00:12:50] [SPEAKER_00]: What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:12:53] [SPEAKER_00]: Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below

[00:12:55] [SPEAKER_00]: And let's move on to another story

[00:13:00] [SPEAKER_00]: And our next story comes from

[00:13:02] [SPEAKER_00]: Sint Vincent from their relationship advice subreddit

[00:13:05] [SPEAKER_00]: He says

[00:13:05] [SPEAKER_00]: 25 male, my girlfriend, 25 female

[00:13:08] [SPEAKER_00]: Can get defensive very easily

[00:13:10] [SPEAKER_00]: Becoming a point of resentment

[00:13:13] [SPEAKER_00]: How to tackle

[00:13:14] [SPEAKER_00]: I read it

[00:13:15] [SPEAKER_00]: My girlfriend and I have been together seriously for nine months

[00:13:19] [SPEAKER_00]: Although a significant amount of that has been long distance

[00:13:23] [SPEAKER_00]: To get along extremely well

[00:13:24] [SPEAKER_00]: With loads of shared interests and ambitions

[00:13:27] [SPEAKER_00]: Lots of mutual love, support and trust

[00:13:29] [SPEAKER_00]: And we are a great match in the bedroom too

[00:13:32] [SPEAKER_00]: She's very intelligent

[00:13:33] [SPEAKER_00]: Well travelled, low maintenance

[00:13:35] [SPEAKER_00]: And I think she's absolutely beautiful

[00:13:38] [SPEAKER_00]: We very rarely argue

[00:13:40] [SPEAKER_00]: And when things are good

[00:13:41] [SPEAKER_00]: It's by far the most amazing relationship I have ever been in

[00:13:44] [SPEAKER_00]: I want to be entirely clear

[00:13:46] [SPEAKER_00]: That I'm aware of how lucky I am

[00:13:48] [SPEAKER_00]: To have found someone so well matched

[00:13:50] [SPEAKER_00]: Which makes the following all the more difficult to face

[00:13:54] [SPEAKER_00]: The thing that's given me doubts at the moment

[00:13:56] [SPEAKER_00]: Is that she can be very defensive

[00:13:58] [SPEAKER_00]: Reacting to even well meaning offhand comments

[00:14:01] [SPEAKER_00]: As though personal attacks

[00:14:03] [SPEAKER_00]: This is not just with me but with other people

[00:14:05] [SPEAKER_00]: And even my parents said she was lovely

[00:14:08] [SPEAKER_00]: But found her prickly

[00:14:10] [SPEAKER_00]: I think the root of it stems from her relationships

[00:14:13] [SPEAKER_00]: With her parents

[00:14:14] [SPEAKER_00]: Especially her mother

[00:14:15] [SPEAKER_00]: With whom this problem is worth by a long way

[00:14:18] [SPEAKER_00]: She has told me her mother

[00:14:20] [SPEAKER_00]: Has always been very unloving, unsupportive

[00:14:23] [SPEAKER_00]: And even undermining with one of the major disputes

[00:14:26] [SPEAKER_00]: Through her teenage years

[00:14:27] [SPEAKER_00]: Being one in her to fulfill a traditional catholic role

[00:14:30] [SPEAKER_00]: By getting married and having kids as soon as possible

[00:14:34] [SPEAKER_00]: Instead of pursuing higher education

[00:14:36] [SPEAKER_00]: And seeing the world

[00:14:37] [SPEAKER_00]: A relationship with her mother is to the point

[00:14:39] [SPEAKER_00]: Where entirely unprovocative comments

[00:14:42] [SPEAKER_00]: From her mum make her fly into a rage

[00:14:44] [SPEAKER_00]: At a very awkward first dinner with her parents

[00:14:47] [SPEAKER_00]: Where my girlfriend calls a huge scene

[00:14:49] [SPEAKER_00]: Over something seemingly inconsequential

[00:14:51] [SPEAKER_00]: To me

[00:14:52] [SPEAKER_00]: Comments blown out of proportion for example

[00:14:55] [SPEAKER_00]: I also noticed that her father is very critical

[00:14:58] [SPEAKER_00]: And quick to anger when talking to her mother slash his wife

[00:15:01] [SPEAKER_00]: Which I think may have said a precedence for her

[00:15:04] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not trying to change your relationship with her parents in any way

[00:15:08] [SPEAKER_00]: But trying to identify where the source of this behaviour may be

[00:15:11] [SPEAKER_00]: So it can be addressed where it spells over

[00:15:13] [SPEAKER_00]: Into her interactions with others including me

[00:15:17] [SPEAKER_00]: I should stress that this isn't the case all the time

[00:15:19] [SPEAKER_00]: Days will pass without anything like this happening

[00:15:22] [SPEAKER_00]: But when it does it casts a shadow over my day

[00:15:26] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm an easy going guy and with the nature of my work

[00:15:29] [SPEAKER_00]: Have to deal with people all the time

[00:15:31] [SPEAKER_00]: I've not made a scene over anything

[00:15:33] [SPEAKER_00]: But the most extremes of these occasions

[00:15:35] [SPEAKER_00]: But it's gotten to the point where I feel like I've said

[00:15:38] [SPEAKER_00]: Honey, I'm not criticising you just saying

[00:15:41] [SPEAKER_00]: Or similar too many times

[00:15:43] [SPEAKER_00]: And it's embarrassing to see this behaviour sometimes

[00:15:45] [SPEAKER_00]: Where it gets head around my friends and family

[00:15:48] [SPEAKER_00]: In response to one recent outburst

[00:15:51] [SPEAKER_00]: Via text over me simply repeating something important

[00:15:54] [SPEAKER_00]: I'd said a few days earlier

[00:15:56] [SPEAKER_00]: I was straight with her

[00:15:57] [SPEAKER_00]: I don't think her temper flips are acceptable

[00:16:00] [SPEAKER_00]: I loved her that there was no fun when she does that

[00:16:03] [SPEAKER_00]: She responded with noted

[00:16:06] [SPEAKER_00]: Which I suppose could either have been

[00:16:08] [SPEAKER_00]: A tale between the legs acceptance or a bare minimum apology

[00:16:13] [SPEAKER_00]: Often these instances are too small for me

[00:16:16] [SPEAKER_00]: To want to make a fuss when they occur

[00:16:17] [SPEAKER_00]: So I let them pass

[00:16:19] [SPEAKER_00]: It's taken a while for me to come to terms with the fact

[00:16:21] [SPEAKER_00]: That this is a genuine issue to be dealt with

[00:16:24] [SPEAKER_00]: Rather than something I can get used to

[00:16:26] [SPEAKER_00]: I know I haven't given great examples

[00:16:28] [SPEAKER_00]: But from talking with others

[00:16:30] [SPEAKER_00]: And really reflecting on things

[00:16:32] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm positive I'm not being over sensitive or judgmental here

[00:16:35] [SPEAKER_00]: A tricky aspect of this is the current long distance

[00:16:39] [SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to bring things up

[00:16:41] [SPEAKER_00]: While we are far apart

[00:16:42] [SPEAKER_00]: But then the time we do spend together

[00:16:44] [SPEAKER_00]: Seems too special to waste arguing

[00:16:47] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm aware that I can be a people pleaser

[00:16:49] [SPEAKER_00]: And will generally try to avoid confrontation when possible

[00:16:52] [SPEAKER_00]: Or bring it to an end quickly

[00:16:55] [SPEAKER_00]: Often before really expressing the extent of my feelings

[00:16:58] [SPEAKER_00]: This is something I am actively working on

[00:17:00] [SPEAKER_00]: I'd love to be with this girl for life

[00:17:03] [SPEAKER_00]: But I don't want to fast forward a decade or so

[00:17:05] [SPEAKER_00]: And find myself tied to someone that at best

[00:17:08] [SPEAKER_00]: I have to tread on egg shells around

[00:17:10] [SPEAKER_00]: And at worst resent and constantly be at odds with

[00:17:13] [SPEAKER_00]: We were to have children

[00:17:14] [SPEAKER_00]: I'd want them to be raised in an environment of patience

[00:17:17] [SPEAKER_00]: Empathy and calmness

[00:17:19] [SPEAKER_00]: I know this is thinking far into the future

[00:17:21] [SPEAKER_00]: But in a long distance relationship

[00:17:23] [SPEAKER_00]: You have to commit to make it worthwhile

[00:17:26] [SPEAKER_00]: I know no one is perfect

[00:17:27] [SPEAKER_00]: And want to work with her through this

[00:17:29] [SPEAKER_00]: To the point that it's no longer an issue

[00:17:31] [SPEAKER_00]: I believe she feels strongly enough about me

[00:17:34] [SPEAKER_00]: That she'll want to make the work too

[00:17:36] [SPEAKER_00]: Once I bring it up

[00:17:37] [SPEAKER_00]: So I guess my question is

[00:17:39] [SPEAKER_00]: How should I go about this?

[00:17:40] [SPEAKER_00]: She's come in to stay with me for two and a half months

[00:17:43] [SPEAKER_00]: In a couple of weeks

[00:17:44] [SPEAKER_00]: Should I bring this up straight away when she settled in?

[00:17:47] [SPEAKER_00]: Or wait until it happens again to have a serious talk?

[00:17:50] [SPEAKER_00]: She is not aware of this being a large and persistent issue for me

[00:17:54] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not sure how she'll respond if I bring it up out of the blue

[00:17:58] [SPEAKER_00]: I feel like this is ingrained behavior at this point

[00:18:00] [SPEAKER_00]: So I'm not expecting it to resolve itself right away

[00:18:03] [SPEAKER_00]: But has anyone experienced something similar?

[00:18:06] [SPEAKER_00]: Even just being with a partner you think is so right in so many ways

[00:18:10] [SPEAKER_00]: That there's a behavioral problem that needed to be addressed

[00:18:13] [SPEAKER_00]: If so, how did it work out?

[00:18:16] [SPEAKER_00]: Many thanks in advance

[00:18:18] [SPEAKER_00]: And there was barely any comments on this post

[00:18:21] [SPEAKER_00]: But we do have an update in a second

[00:18:22] [SPEAKER_00]: And my first thoughts on this is that

[00:18:25] [SPEAKER_00]: You just need to bring it up ASAP

[00:18:27] [SPEAKER_00]: You need to talk to her as soon as possible

[00:18:29] [SPEAKER_00]: Long distance or not

[00:18:31] [SPEAKER_00]: You can't keep delaying this

[00:18:33] [SPEAKER_00]: It's an issue that's going to affect your relationship massively

[00:18:36] [SPEAKER_00]: Either way

[00:18:37] [SPEAKER_00]: And it's at the point where

[00:18:38] [SPEAKER_00]: Where you need to make a decision

[00:18:40] [SPEAKER_00]: So you need to talk to her about this

[00:18:42] [SPEAKER_00]: It needs to change

[00:18:43] [SPEAKER_00]: And if it doesn't, you need to go your separate ways

[00:18:45] [SPEAKER_00]: It's as simple as that for me

[00:18:47] [SPEAKER_00]: But OP comes in with her update and says

[00:18:49] [SPEAKER_00]: I've had the talk with her

[00:18:51] [SPEAKER_00]: Unfortunately things did not go particularly well

[00:18:55] [SPEAKER_00]: Express the things I wanted to express

[00:18:57] [SPEAKER_00]: In the way that I wanted to

[00:18:59] [SPEAKER_00]: But while she was initially receptive

[00:19:01] [SPEAKER_00]: She has since let me know

[00:19:02] [SPEAKER_00]: She's extremely upset

[00:19:03] [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't bring this up sooner

[00:19:05] [SPEAKER_00]: And that she feels I have been deceitful and dishonest

[00:19:08] [SPEAKER_00]: For not telling her before

[00:19:10] [SPEAKER_00]: In my eyes, I have been honest in bringing this up now

[00:19:12] [SPEAKER_00]: That has become a real issue for me

[00:19:14] [SPEAKER_00]: And I can't agree with her views on this

[00:19:17] [SPEAKER_00]: She also seems to be turning the issue around on me

[00:19:20] [SPEAKER_00]: Since she can't understand why I should be affected by her tantrums

[00:19:24] [SPEAKER_00]: My word, not hers

[00:19:26] [SPEAKER_00]: Seemingly not understanding that her mood affects those around her

[00:19:29] [SPEAKER_00]: And that it's not normal behaviour

[00:19:31] [SPEAKER_00]: As it's been left, we'll speak sometime tomorrow

[00:19:34] [SPEAKER_00]: All the day after once we've reflected on this whole thing

[00:19:37] [SPEAKER_00]: But it seems we're at an impasse

[00:19:39] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm slightly shocked the situation devolved as quickly as it did

[00:19:42] [SPEAKER_00]: I don't see how I can continue to commit to this relationship

[00:19:46] [SPEAKER_00]: If she's not willing to understand my concerns

[00:19:49] [SPEAKER_00]: That never did I want or expect to be considering breaking up

[00:19:53] [SPEAKER_00]: And for me, I think that would pretty much seal the deal

[00:19:57] [SPEAKER_00]: If she's twisting things back around on you

[00:19:59] [SPEAKER_00]: Not willing to discuss it really

[00:20:01] [SPEAKER_00]: Telling you that she doesn't understand why you're affected by her tantrums

[00:20:06] [SPEAKER_00]: Which of course are going to affect you

[00:20:07] [SPEAKER_00]: So it just seems like this is the end

[00:20:10] [SPEAKER_00]: This is the end

[00:20:13] [SPEAKER_00]: But now what do you guys make of this situation?

[00:20:17] [SPEAKER_00]: Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below

[00:20:20] [SPEAKER_00]: And just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart

[00:20:22] [SPEAKER_00]: For getting involved in today's stories

[00:20:24] [SPEAKER_00]: Your love, your support, your time

[00:20:26] [SPEAKER_00]: Always means the absolute world to me

[00:20:28] [SPEAKER_00]: So thank you so so much

[00:20:29] [SPEAKER_00]: And hopefully I'll see you in the next one

[00:20:32] [SPEAKER_00]: Take care and much love