My WHOLE Family Is Angry I Won't Babysit For My Sister, They're My "Sisterly Duties" r/Relaitonships

[00:00:03] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:19] Now today's first story comes from a throwaway account from the Relationship Advice subreddit and says,

[00:00:25] My 23 female sister, 30 female, is upset that I babysit my friends 23 male and 22 female baby over her nightmare kid. How can I get my family to understand that a kid is a nightmare? Throw away so my family doesn't connect this to my main. I'm a 23 year old child free woman. I don't know if this is needed for the story.

[00:00:49] And my sister is 30 with a 4 year old son. She's a single mom, ex-husband is not in the picture and has no contact with her or the kid. I'm gonna get straight to the point. A kid is a nightmare to be around. It's not his fault. It's my sister's fault. He very clearly has behavioral and mental health disorders, even at his young age. However, my sister was and is very ableist and refuses to accept that her son has problems. The kid screams bloody murder.

[00:01:19] Whenever something doesn't slightly go his way. Screams and cries when he's overwhelmed. Has meltdowns to certain sounds and textures. Like I said, I don't blame the kid for these issues. But my sister refusing to get him treatment or help makes the kid a nightmare to be around.

[00:01:34] So, as a result, I don't babysit the kid when my sister asks. More like demands, I do so. This causes a lot of fights between us and our family.

[00:01:45] I have a friend, 23 male, who's married to a wonderful lady aged 22. And they have a baby boy together who just turned one. Yes, they got married and had him young, but it's not my place to judge them.

[00:01:57] Just past weekend, they asked me to babysit for them. And I agreed for a few reasons. A kid is calm, well behaved and a general good kid slash toddler baby to be around. I love babysitting him.

[00:02:11] And they asked me nicely and understood that I might say no because I'm child free. They were polite about their request.

[00:02:17] A thing about me is that if you asked me to do something politely, even if it's something I wouldn't usually agree to, I'd probably do it because you were nice and polite.

[00:02:27] So, for these reasons, I happily agreed to babysit the boy. My sister also asked me to babysit her son that day so she could have a day to herself.

[00:02:35] And I refused and I told her I was already babysitting for my friends. She was pissed, to say the least.

[00:02:41] She said a few comments about how I was an ass and not a good sister. But I thought she dropped it after that.

[00:02:48] This past weekend, while I was watching the baby, my sister started banging on my door.

[00:02:53] I looked through the window and saw that she had a kid in a care bag with her.

[00:02:57] And I knew she was trying to drop him off and make me babysit.

[00:03:00] She was banging on the door, yelling at me and calling me heartless and a baby hater.

[00:03:05] While I was holding a baby. Ironic. And I better open up and do my sisterly duties.

[00:03:11] I put the baby in a different room to keep him from getting scared by the noise.

[00:03:16] And told my sister through the window to leave where I would call the cops.

[00:03:19] She started cursing for a solid five minutes before she finally left him.

[00:03:24] I had the whole thing on my doorbell camera and sent it to the family group chat.

[00:03:28] Surprisingly, my whole family is on my sister's side.

[00:03:32] She keeps arguing with me about how I'd rather babysit a kid not even related to me over my nephew.

[00:03:38] I reminded her that her kid is a nightmare to be around.

[00:03:42] But she keeps saying that for family, you help out.

[00:03:46] My sister has been cold since and keeps sending me text messages to provoke me into arguing with her more.

[00:03:52] She's also started saying some pretty ableist and nasty things towards my friend's wife.

[00:03:56] My friend's wife is on the spectrum and has BPD.

[00:04:00] My sister keeps saying that she should have been sterilized and never should have passed her issues to her kid.

[00:04:05] By the way, a kid has shown none of the signs that autistic infants usually show so I don't know what my sister is on.

[00:04:12] I will admit that I do feel a bit guilty because I never consider babysitting my nephew.

[00:04:17] I jumped at the opportunity to babysit my friend's kid.

[00:04:20] My sister, dad 66, mum 64 and brother 33 are all calling me an arsehole and saying that I'm just using the CF label to avoid family responsibility.

[00:04:31] I need advice on how to get my family to see my perspective on this.

[00:04:35] How can I explain to them that the issue isn't the idea of babysitting, but it's the behavior of the kid?

[00:04:43] And OP's gonna respond to a bunch of comments in a minute, which we're gonna cover.

[00:04:47] But my first initial thoughts is like, one, you don't have to babysit anyone's kid if you don't want to.

[00:04:52] And two, what about all this family that's calling you the arsehole here?

[00:04:56] Why are they not able to babysit?

[00:04:58] Someone says to OP, just ignore your sister, maybe even block her.

[00:05:02] She isn't entitled to you as a babysitter.

[00:05:04] As for your family, black kettle them.

[00:05:07] So, when are you babysitting sister's kiddo, since family should care for family?

[00:05:12] Absolutely.

[00:05:13] OP says, my brother, 33, which I should have mentioned, has a wife and kids, so he can't babysit.

[00:05:19] My parents are in their early to mid-60s.

[00:05:22] Also probably should have mentioned, and claim to be too old to do so.

[00:05:26] Of course they do.

[00:05:27] I'm the youngest and was a whoops baby my parents had in their 40s by chance.

[00:05:31] Because of my young age and the fact that I'm not married and don't have kids, they keep saying I'm the perfect person to babysit because I have nothing to do.

[00:05:40] Not even taken into consideration that I have a job and friends of my own.

[00:05:44] Someone says to OP, why can't your brother take care of him if he already has experience with his own kids?

[00:05:50] OP says, in the words of my family, he already has his own family responsibility.

[00:05:55] You have none.

[00:05:57] Yes, that's pretty much always their response to when I ask, why can't my brother babysit the kid?

[00:06:03] My brother also deep down knows the kid is a nightmare.

[00:06:05] Even as much as he tries to ignore it along with my sister and parents.

[00:06:10] OP says to a different commenter, his kids don't like spending time with her kid because he's had violent meltdowns and hurt them before.

[00:06:17] The kids avoid that boy like the plague.

[00:06:19] I don't blame any of the kids in that situation.

[00:06:21] My sister's son clearly has behavioral or some mental issues that cause him to react violently to overstimulation, which is not his fault.

[00:06:30] He needs help so he can develop ways of controlling his meltdowns.

[00:06:34] I don't know if that's the right phrase and keep his emotions in check.

[00:06:38] My brother's kids, while mature for their age, are kids and don't fully understand why he acts the way he does and therefore harbor resentment and dislike towards him.

[00:06:46] I feel bad for all the kids involved.

[00:06:49] Nobody is winning.

[00:06:51] Someone says to mute the group chat and contact experts for advice for your nephew.

[00:06:57] OP responds saying, I've muted the group chat and I know this is a me issue, but I can't help but check on it every few hours and feel bad about causing a fight.

[00:07:05] I'm soft, I know.

[00:07:07] As for my nephew, I don't mean to sound rude, but what good would dad do?

[00:07:11] Yes, I can have an expert weigh in on their opinion, but at the end of the day, my sister won't get him help, so what would be the point?

[00:07:17] Once again, I don't mean to be rude.

[00:07:20] The commenter says to OP if she plans to send her child to public school, the neglect will become extremely obvious when he's unable to manage himself and she tells mandated reporters she refuses to get him the help he needs.

[00:07:33] OP says this issue already came up.

[00:07:36] He's close to turning five and last school year he was supposed to be in preschool.

[00:07:40] He was enrolled and of course the workers and teachers noticed his issues right away and tried to convince my sister to sign him up for the SPED program, SPED, in the preschool and for behavioral therapy.

[00:07:53] She outright refused, went off on them and pulled her kid from the program.

[00:07:57] He's going to start kindergarten in the fall and my sister said if they insult her son, she'll pull him out and homeschool him.

[00:08:04] I feel bad for my nephew because it's not his fault he was born with these issues that cause him to act out when he gets overwhelmed.

[00:08:11] I sincerely hope that my sister wakes up and gets him help and that once he grows up, he'll get help himself.

[00:08:18] Someone says to OP you need to be honest with your family and what a nightmare the child is.

[00:08:23] Ask them to babysit if they disagree then block the idiots.

[00:08:27] OP says they know the child is a nightmare.

[00:08:30] They keep trying to pretend he's not and ignore the issue, but they know.

[00:08:34] They don't want to piss my sister off by mentioning it.

[00:08:37] As she goes nuclear with insults and fights whenever someone brings it up.

[00:08:41] I love my family, I love my nephew, and I love my sister.

[00:08:45] But it is so wrong to just ignore the issues he has.

[00:08:48] He needs help.

[00:08:50] There is something wrong in his head.

[00:08:52] I'm not saying that to be mean or cruel or ableist in any form, but it's the truth.

[00:08:58] OP responds to a comment after that and says I really hope I wasn't offensive with my wording.

[00:09:02] It feels wrong to say this kid has things wrong with him in the head or he's messed up in the head.

[00:09:08] I genuinely don't know how else to describe it.

[00:09:11] I really don't phrase it that way to be mean or ableist or any kind of ist or phobic.

[00:09:16] But that's the only way I can think of to describe it without a diagnosis.

[00:09:20] I don't know how much help CPS would be.

[00:09:22] We live in a small town in the south and I don't even know if CPS has an office in our town or district.

[00:09:28] The nearest town over is a run down city with a high crime rate, child abandonment rate and drug use rate.

[00:09:34] So I can imagine that CPS offices there are probably overwhelmed.

[00:09:39] Sounds like she has mental health issues too.

[00:09:41] OP was quoting someone there and says I don't want to speculate.

[00:09:44] But I don't think she does.

[00:09:46] I think she's just ableist towards mental health disorders specifically.

[00:09:49] I'm not saying that mentally ill people can't also be prejudiced towards others with disorders and mental illnesses.

[00:09:56] But she doesn't show any of the signs of having any mental illnesses so I don't think she has any.

[00:10:00] I could always be wrong as I'm not a therapist or doctor.

[00:10:03] But this is just my perspective from growing up with her.

[00:10:07] Someone says maybe when he's too much for everyone else in your family and she really has no help at all.

[00:10:12] She will take steps to get her son the guidance he needs.

[00:10:16] OP says my parents used to try and tell her this when he was a smaller toddler and showing these behaviors.

[00:10:22] They were more tame then and have escalated as he's got older.

[00:10:25] She blew up and said that if they kept insulting her kid she wouldn't let them see him again.

[00:10:31] Obviously I can't imagine the position that I put my parents in.

[00:10:34] They love their children and grandchildren so I imagine a threat like that would make them cave.

[00:10:39] The sister's point of view.

[00:10:41] OP says the problem is my sister doesn't want him to be diagnosed with anything.

[00:10:45] She has this belief that kids are over-diagnosed as a way for pharmaceutical companies and hospitals to get more money out of parents and insurance companies.

[00:10:53] And I agree to an extent that we do have an issue of over-medicalization in our country.

[00:10:58] And that we tend to slap pills and medication over the problem rather than find a way to actually resolve it.

[00:11:03] However, that doesn't mean I think that medication isn't the solution in some cases.

[00:11:08] I don't know what would help my nephew but I'm pretty sure that doing nothing is worse for him.

[00:11:13] On OP's families and their views OP says

[00:11:16] My parents and brother don't share the same beliefs about mental illness that she does.

[00:11:20] And I was in no way raised in any way that could even remotely cause that belief.

[00:11:24] I'm still shocked, angry and horrified she said that about my friend's wife.

[00:11:28] I almost feel like I need to address it in itself.

[00:11:31] She literally said my friend should be sterilized and prevented from having kids because she has a mental illness.

[00:11:37] I can't even wrap my head around how cruel someone can be to say that to a woman who's always wanted to be a mom

[00:11:43] and is a great mom should be sterilized simply because she has a mental illness.

[00:11:48] OP adds three last more clarifications before the update and says

[00:11:52] My sister makes enough money to live comfortably with her and her son.

[00:11:55] Hiring a sitter would put a bit of a strain on that.

[00:11:58] They're in a financial bracket where they are comfortable

[00:12:00] but they can't afford expensive things or afford to pay for extra things.

[00:12:04] I guess you could say they are lower middle class?

[00:12:07] Two, according to them they are parents being too old.

[00:12:11] My mom retired early from a state job and has a part-time easy job.

[00:12:15] My dad is still working a different state job for a few more years.

[00:12:19] Three, my sister's ex isn't the dad.

[00:12:22] My sister has red brown hair.

[00:12:25] Her husband had brown hair.

[00:12:26] Kid come out with very light blonde hair.

[00:12:28] My family didn't see this as odd because I have a very light white looking blonde hair

[00:12:33] and one of my nieces also has blonde hair.

[00:12:35] We just figured my niece carried the recessive gene.

[00:12:38] Husband wasn't suspicious of anything either

[00:12:40] until my sister broke down in a panic at the blonde hair

[00:12:43] and confessed that while there had been a short break after a fight

[00:12:46] she had slept around a bit.

[00:12:48] Husband left because he didn't agree to opening the marriage during the break

[00:12:52] and didn't sign the birth certificate.

[00:12:54] Sister has no idea who the father is

[00:12:56] and has no way to get in contact with any of the guys she slept with.

[00:13:00] So then OP came in to update that post and said,

[00:13:04] so shit has hit the fan.

[00:13:07] My original post was about three days ago

[00:13:09] and ever since that post my sister's behavior escalated.

[00:13:13] I tried to talk to her about getting help from my nephew

[00:13:16] and she kept screaming at me every time I brought it up.

[00:13:19] She said a lot of derogatory terms towards people with mental illnesses

[00:13:22] and mental disabilities, terms I won't repeat here.

[00:13:27] That wasn't the only escalation.

[00:13:29] She was at my door several times a day starting two days ago,

[00:13:33] the day after I made my original post,

[00:13:35] banging on my door, screaming, crying, cursing, the works.

[00:13:39] She brought my nephew each time

[00:13:41] and he always looked so confused and defeated.

[00:13:44] He was too tired to react or melt down like he normally does around loud noises

[00:13:48] and it broke my heart to see that on my doorbell camera.

[00:13:52] I wasn't at my house.

[00:13:53] I was crashing with a friend and his wife.

[00:13:56] I took the advice of a commenter who said

[00:13:58] to put some physical distance between me and my sister.

[00:14:01] They said I was free to stay as long as I wanted,

[00:14:04] as long as I helped out with some house chores and childcare while I stayed,

[00:14:07] which I thought was more than fair.

[00:14:10] So I'm staying in their guest room currently.

[00:14:12] I'm still with them even though my sister isn't much of a problem.

[00:14:17] Many will be glad to know that my sister won't have parental rights over my nephew soon.

[00:14:23] She dropped him off at a safe haven site in the middle of the night.

[00:14:27] Totally a fun phone call to wake up at 2am in the morning.

[00:14:30] And my nephew is currently with my parents.

[00:14:33] Social services placed him with my parents and he's set to have mandatory therapy.

[00:14:38] In my state, don't know if it's different in others,

[00:14:41] if a child is abandoned in any way, safe haven or not,

[00:14:44] a physical and mental health exam is done.

[00:14:48] Other than being a little underweight, my nephew was physically healthy.

[00:14:51] He wasn't being physically abused like a few people were worried.

[00:14:54] But it was obvious he needed mental health,

[00:14:57] so he's starting therapy sessions soon, as mandated by a caseworker.

[00:15:01] We are not looking for my sister.

[00:15:04] After she dropped her son off, she left.

[00:15:06] She'd quit her job a few weeks back, sold her car and even a house a few weeks ago

[00:15:10] and has been renting a place, so this was planned.

[00:15:14] In my personal opinion, she planned to abandon her son the day I was babysitting my friend's baby,

[00:15:19] which is why she had such a nuclear reaction.

[00:15:22] She did leave a note saying she can't do it anymore.

[00:15:25] She met someone and that she doesn't want to be a mum to my nephew anymore.

[00:15:29] In her note, she said she deserves a normal kid and not a burden like my nephew.

[00:15:34] I seriously hope that my sister doesn't have any more kids with this mystery person she's referencing,

[00:15:39] but it seems like she's running off to start a new life and family.

[00:15:43] She still has 30 days to reclaim rights over my nephew,

[00:15:47] but it doesn't look like she'll do that.

[00:15:49] Time will tell.

[00:15:51] Like I said, I'm still with my friends because I was worried my sister would do something.

[00:15:55] My parents and brother have also been blowing up my phone and coming to my house,

[00:16:00] switching between apologies and blaming me for this.

[00:16:03] I think that maybe if I babysat that day, she wouldn't have done this,

[00:16:06] but I think she wanted me to babysit so she could do this.

[00:16:09] I'm not mad at them for blaming me.

[00:16:12] I understand that my sister is still their family and they're rightfully in shock and want someone to blame.

[00:16:17] They're human.

[00:16:18] And I know humans can be cruel sometimes while going through shock and grief.

[00:16:23] So yeah, that's life right now.

[00:16:25] I'm currently sitting on the couch with my friend's baby while my friend is at work

[00:16:29] and his wife does a quick grocery run.

[00:16:31] She was going to take the baby, but I insisted on watching him

[00:16:34] so she didn't have to hassle with the car seat in the very stormy weather we have in our area right now.

[00:16:39] This update is all over the place.

[00:16:41] I feel like I'm rambling.

[00:16:42] There's still a lot of unknown stuff regarding my sister and nephew.

[00:16:46] But for now, this is the update.

[00:16:48] I don't know if I'll post more regarding the situation.

[00:16:51] My friend's wife is telling me I should relax and just not think about anything relating to this until I'm more level-headed.

[00:16:57] But I don't think that's possible.

[00:16:58] And we have a further update to this in a second.

[00:17:01] But someone said to OP,

[00:17:01] OP, your sister clearly has her own severe mental health issues she's refusing to acknowledge.

[00:17:06] As fucked up as it might have been.

[00:17:08] This is best for your nephew.

[00:17:10] Also, I didn't know you could just drop off a child of any age at a place like that.

[00:17:14] I thought any child over two couldn't be released like that.

[00:17:17] OP says,

[00:17:18] I don't know my state laws, so I don't know.

[00:17:20] Because I'm not directly involved in the case.

[00:17:23] I'm not getting updates.

[00:17:24] When I say we're not looking for her,

[00:17:26] I mean me and my family.

[00:17:28] Police could be looking for her, but I'm out of the loop on this whole case.

[00:17:32] So, sometime later, OP comes in with a latest update and says,

[00:17:37] Am I wrong for forgiving but not forgetting my family for blaming me for what my sister did?

[00:17:43] My sister abandoned her five-year-old son a little less than two weeks ago and fled.

[00:17:48] Police are looking for her, but she hasn't been found yet.

[00:17:50] My nephew is with my parents and is in therapy.

[00:17:54] When that first happened, my parents were quick to blame me

[00:17:57] because I'd refused to babysit the kid in the past

[00:17:59] and the weekend before my sister ultimately abandoned him.

[00:18:03] I think, had I babysat him that day, she wouldn't have fled.

[00:18:07] I've been staying with my friends since then and, oh my god, it's chill here.

[00:18:12] They're young parents with a baby and yet, it's chill here.

[00:18:15] Everyone is happy.

[00:18:16] They talk things out when there are issues.

[00:18:18] They work together.

[00:18:19] I've met both parents of my friends and they're nice and polite.

[00:18:24] Obviously, I don't know what goes on behind closed doors,

[00:18:26] but I've seen some bickering and they always find a way to resolve it.

[00:18:30] Growing up, my parents always argued a lot.

[00:18:33] My siblings were always loud and cruel to each other at times

[00:18:36] and there always had to be someone to blame.

[00:18:39] If you were the person who was blamed,

[00:18:41] you were insulted and shunned for a while,

[00:18:43] then they would apologize.

[00:18:45] You were always expected to forgive and forget.

[00:18:47] My parents are trying to apologize to me about their blowout at me regarding my sister.

[00:18:53] I can understand their initial feelings.

[00:18:55] I'm willing to forgive, but I know my family will also expect me to forget.

[00:19:00] But I can't forget.

[00:19:01] I don't think I can forget this whole situation.

[00:19:04] So I'm wondering if I'd be the arsehole if I chose to forgive them,

[00:19:07] but refuse to forget this whole thing.

[00:19:10] Usually in these situations, it's you'll accept their apology,

[00:19:13] but you're not going to forgive them.

[00:19:15] You didn't have some sort of right to be forgiven for anything for the way they treated you.

[00:19:19] And, you know, a part of me is like,

[00:19:21] I think they're only reaching out now because they're going to insist on help from you at some point.

[00:19:26] Maybe that's me thinking too much into this,

[00:19:28] but it certainly feels that way to me.

[00:19:31] The way that you've been treated through this whole thing,

[00:19:33] you've been called an arsehole because of it.

[00:19:36] You said yourself in this post,

[00:19:38] this isn't just like a one-off thing.

[00:19:40] This has been you growing up.

[00:19:41] This has been your life.

[00:19:42] When you finally went somewhere where there's a stable family who treats each other like normal people,

[00:19:47] the relief you found in that moment.

[00:19:50] You need to ask yourself what you want for your own future here.

[00:19:53] I know, as always, it's very easy for me to say this kind of thing because I'm sat behind a microphone.

[00:19:58] I'm reading a very small part of your story.

[00:20:01] And this has been your life, your family, your normal growing up.

[00:20:05] But it doesn't have to be that way.

[00:20:08] These people are choosing to treat you like shit time and time again.

[00:20:13] So what I'd say to you is keep that physical distance for now.

[00:20:17] If your friends are willing to have you around for a little bit longer,

[00:20:20] enjoy that freedom, enjoy that peace, and really think about your future.

[00:20:24] And what are you getting out of these relationships?

[00:20:28] And personally, I don't think you should forgive the way that you've been treated.

[00:20:31] And you're certainly not going to forget it because you can't just do that.

[00:20:35] You can't control your mind just to forget something like that the way that you've been treated.

[00:20:38] It just doesn't work like that.

[00:20:40] The whole family just sounds really exhausting to me.

[00:20:43] And I'm going to say this, whether it happens or not, but you know,

[00:20:47] it's good to have in the mind just in case.

[00:20:50] I just keep in there that they might be just trying to reel you in to take more responsibility

[00:20:54] than you want right now, trying to pressure you into that.

[00:20:58] Just my thoughts.

[00:20:59] But what do you guys make of this situation?

[00:21:02] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:21:06] So just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's stories.

[00:21:10] Your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me.

[00:21:13] So thank you so, so much.

[00:21:14] And hopefully I'll see you in the next one.

[00:21:17] Take care and much love.

[00:21:19] Take care and much love.

[00:22:00] Take care and get a dream trip to the USA.

[00:22:05] Get more info on Ford.de

[00:22:07] .