My Son's Fiancee Is ANGRY I Won't Call Her Daughter Or Walk Her Down The Aisle r/Relationships

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider hitting the like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from Greatest Throw Man who says, am I the asshole for not wanting to walk her down the aisle or lie in a speech?

[00:00:27] I, 41 male, have two kids with my ex-wife, 42 female. A son John, 22 and daughter Sally, 20. I'm remarried to my wife, 28. I'm very close with my kids. My son is engaged to Abby. She seems nice but has been a bit pushy trying to create relationships with me and my wife, though she's also awkward with her. Abby isn't close to her family. She's told us many stories why and why she's not a little bit of a relationship.

[00:00:56] While some of her complaints don't seem awful, it's not my place to judge and I didn't live it so I can't know anyway. We tried to be welcoming but Abby has forced her way into some family traditions where she wouldn't have been invited. And some where no one outside of specific family would have. She's been calling Sally, sis, since they were only dating a few months. As an odd sister and mother-in-law thing she does with my wife. And the one I'm not a fan of wants me to be like a father to her.

[00:01:27] Not because we've clicked or anything. We are very different people. Not saying that in a bad way. Just saying it's not based on how we get along or anything. My kids and I have a tradition when they come over that we have a private catch up in my office slash study before they leave. Which is now even more important to them because while they both get along well with my wife, they don't want to have personal conversations around her yet.

[00:01:50] Abby asked if we could talk. And after I explained the tradition, John later asked that I do it. Saying she'd never had a caring conversation with her dad. We compromised that I didn't include her in the tradition but do join the two of them for coffee and let her talk. Then she started calling me dad. They weren't even engaged yet. John pulled me aside and begged me to give her that. Lay this whole thing on me. Always being the dad she always wanted right in front of her.

[00:02:17] And she just wanted that. Told me she cried watching me and Sally together. She still gives me random hugs. I'm a lucky dad. I didn't like it but I do feel bad so fine I gave her that. She wants me to walk her down the aisle and the father-daughter dance. I don't want to walk her down. And I walk with a cane so dancing is hard. At my own wedding I only dance twice. John is begging for me to do one. Preferably the aisle.

[00:02:45] They came over Sunday. John and I were talking. I thought to address it. When Ab walked in without knocking. Asking if he'd told me yet. I asked what? John said she wanted me to say something about having a second daughter now in my speech and how I loved her. I just looked at him. She asked if I'd do the walk and dance for Sally. I said of course. She yelled she's my daughter too. And I said it will never be the same. Sally is my actual daughter. I tried to explain.

[00:03:15] I'd talk about her being a happy addition to the family. And I love how happy she makes Jack. Which I thought was a good compromise. But she started crying. John apologized and they left. But he called me when they were home. Nearly begging me to. Am I the asshole? Because I won't lie and say I love her or she's my daughter. So the first commenter said to OP. Not the asshole. You have your boundaries. Abby sounds like she's developed this fantasy involving you and your family.

[00:03:44] That can't be healthy. And yelling at you. You will tell people you love me. You will tell people I'm your second daughter. You will have a good time at my wedding. Red flags. OP responded saying. John told me she really wants to be a part of the family. But she started so quickly. I wonder how much is us versus the idea of us. I've been told she immediately was obsessed with the relationship my kids and I have. But yelling. I was more concerned for John than upset honestly.

[00:04:13] She seemed not okay right then. The commenter replied to OP saying. Yeah this doesn't sound like it's about you or Sally as actual people. It's about Abby's fantasy of having a family. It makes me wonder how much she really even knows you or Sally. There's nothing wrong with her wanting a family. But she's going about it wrong. Relationships grow and develop over time. You don't just claim someone as a family and have an instant relationship with them. She could definitely benefit from therapy.

[00:04:43] OP responded saying. She knows Sally a bit now. With me she learns surface level things and approaches me. But when I try to engage. She immediately acts like we're so close. And switches subjects to something related to how much closer we should be. John says it's nerves. But it doesn't seem like it. People were saying to OP that he needs to keep correcting her. Or come up with some kind of compromise. OP came in with. That's partly why I'm upset. I've tried compromising because I want to help my son. But at some point.

[00:05:13] Understanding has to go both ways. I understand she wants family. And I know she's partly jealous because I like my daughter's girlfriend more. But we're in the same field. And she let it happen naturally. I feel like it's all give and no take. Someone mentions to OP that she's clearly starved for some kind of family. And she needs therapy. OP says that's why my wife feels bad for her. And she has tried. And they seemingly get along. But only because my wife is trying to be nice.

[00:05:41] But then it's Abby trying to fit us into roles for her instead. Of just trying to form a relationship. And one final comment from the OP who says. She sure is a lot. I find her like an overly rich dessert. Enjoyable in small doses. But then way overpowering. To the point where I need a drink to finish. This is why I didn't want to go down the dad road. While I do feel bad for her. And I'm proud the relationship I have with my own kids is enviable. I do not want her thinking we'll have one on one parent child time.

[00:06:11] I don't want her thinking that I'm that role for her. I even tried to be somewhat parental. Because whose genre showed me it would be enough. But now look where we are. So around a month and a half later. OP came in with a first update. And said I planned on writing this sooner. But life got in the way. In a couple of really good ways. But people were helpful and asked for updates. And have a surprise free day. So here it goes. Mother's day my kids and their partners go to visit my ex-wife.

[00:06:39] So it turns out my ex-wife and Abby are a lot closer than I realized. She calls her mom. Which is part of where this comes from. Also apparently my ex has been egging it on. On mother's day they were talking about the wedding. And I guess whenever Abby referred to me it was as dad. My son apparently told her to let it go. Which led to yelling. Abby about deserving to be my daughter. Ex telling her that she's right. Son telling her that I'm trying. And she should be realistic about things.

[00:07:08] Sally telling her I only had one daughter. Which was apparently a response to Abby saying to her. That as my daughters they should be united. According to my son Abby was crying. According to Sally. She was crying and yelling and kicked something before going to her room. And Sally told me she went off on her mom. But we'll not elaborate. So I don't know what was actually said. But knowing Sally. Oh boy. Around 2am I got a text from Sally's partner's phone saying.

[00:07:37] Abby really is great. She hasn't been perfect. But you should give her a chance. And you will learn to love her. I saw it when I woke up. And I tried to text her back. But was blocked. So I called Sally. But they were driving. They stopped by my place later that day. Because I am on the way. And my daughter prefers my liquor and cooking. And they told me about the night before. At the end I asked to speak to her partner alone. I asked if I had done something to upset her. She was confused. And I told her I was blocked.

[00:08:07] She said I wasn't. But checked her phone. And I was. And I said it was after her message. And she asked what message. I showed her. It was not on her phone anymore. At that point we brought in Sally. And caught her up. Neither of them were happy. A couple of days later. John and Abby dropped by unannounced. Not something we really do in this family. But okay fine. I had made salmon. Does not take long to cook. I cooked two more. Wife serves while I make drinks.

[00:08:35] The entire night was Abby trying to bring up the wedding. John trying to change a subject. Abby not allowing that. We talk logistics. Because I'm helping them get some good deals. Through some professional contacts I have. When finally she just says. So I was talking to mum. She said that you can walk me down the aisle. And she'll do the dance. Or you can dance. And she'll walk. It's your call. But you need to choose soon. I reiterated that I could not dance. She tried arguing that I had danced a little at my wedding.

[00:09:05] But I made it clear that that is different. And did not feel comfortable walking her. She got upset and said. Mum loves me. Why can't you? I felt bad. But couldn't lie. I pointed out that. She had John who loved her. My ex-wife. Friends. She had people who loved her. She said. But other than ex-wife. Those aren't my parents. I said. Neither am I. She was very emotional. So my wife and I gave them a few minutes. My son and I were alone later.

[00:09:35] He looked exhausted. He said the problem was. That after Mother's Day. Abby had called Sally. And kept saying they're both my daughters. That I did not get to be close with one. But not both. And that it was them against me. But at that one. Sally cried havoc. And let slip the dogs of war. Things were said. Grievances were aired. John had to hang up before it got worse. But I guess Abby was shaken. But there was a new problem. Abby had decided in her head.

[00:10:03] That I did not mean what I had been saying. And was just doing it for Sally. He told me he would handle it. Ron Howard. He did not. So now I get text messages from Abby. Every couple of days. Acting like we have a secret relationship. Sally doesn't know about. She even called herself my secret daughter. And lulled. She invited my wife to lunch. Saying two out of three of his girls. Going out. She has even started using the pressure. Of showing up at events. Like a recent barbecue.

[00:10:33] To play a certain image. She hugs me more. And holds it. Wants to do pictures. With just me and my wife and I. But always a few with just me. To post with captions I do not like. My wife is getting especially annoyed. Because of how she is with her. I guess Abby surprised her. With Father's Day plans for me. That had to be shut down. As it is. She just inserted herself into the day. But she has a soft spot for her. And when Abby gets emotional. She caves. My wife is a sweetheart.

[00:11:02] I asked him if he is upset with me. And he said no. He just wished it was different. He said we are good. But he is worried. He and Sally aren't. Which is when I took the advice of some people. And suggested pre-marital counseling. He said he would talk about it. Abby is insisting. Sally go to a fitting. That shop should pay per view. That potential royal rumble. Because Sally is not holding her feelings back anymore. I told him Sally loves him. And I'll talk to her. But for now. It is stressful all around.

[00:11:32] Abby is driving my wife crazy with her ideas. For what my girls should be doing. Driving me crazy with dad daughter content. Drove Sally to the edge. And oh yeah. Last night sent me an email. With three styles of father daughter dances. And song options. So I'm not feeling any more respected. Or heard than before. The six of us have barely been in the same room. In order to let things calm down. Since Father's Day. Which was great. Until it was a shit show. Sorry this is so long. With all the craziness.

[00:12:02] This is still the abridged version. We are supposed to meet Friday. Sally's partner and I have a bet. Going on about how bad it will go. So onwards and upwards. Hope you fathers had a less dramatic day than I did. And by any chance. Does anyone know exactly how bad of a crime I need to commit. To enter witness protection. Just curious. And we do have a couple more updates. At the moment. But it's just genuinely concerning. Behaviour isn't it. Trying to force these relationships.

[00:12:31] Overstepping boundaries. Time and time again. And this is what we're seeing out in the open. Can you imagine what their relationship is like behind closed doors. The force in relationships. Refusing to accept boundaries. Creating like fantasy father daughter narrative. The emotional manipulation. Crying when she ain't getting her way. Clearly some family trauma gone on in the background. Which she needs professional help to address. Before the wedding.

[00:12:59] And the ex-wife enabling this kind of stuff as well. Isn't helping matters. But three and a half months later. Opie came in with an update. And says. I've got a request for updates on my situation. And as I enjoy a refreshing mojito. And my wife her. Nojito. Life feels good. And the perfect time to amuse the world with my pain. And familial drama. Plus a cousin of mine who apparently reads these. And knows my situation. Gave me the convincing argument of. Dude. You can't keep people hanging.

[00:13:29] And how can I argue with that airtight argument. I apologize for how long this is. A lot has happened. My wife's pregnancy is going well. Keeping her as stress free and pampered as possible. Has been my focus. It is such a different experience this time. Both because of how much more involved I can be. And how much better a relationship I have with my wife. Than I had with my ex. My daughter Sally has been great. Even her partner has been great. Helping her with a nursery.

[00:13:58] Or driving her around when I can't. My wife doesn't know. Because it is a surprise. But my son has been building a crib for the baby. Modelled after the one I built for him and his sister. To show my wife his support. My son is a good man. And he is still in there. He just has a soft spot for Abby. Which I guess gets us to the part of the movie. Where Godzilla shows up. And starts busting up buildings. So I called a family meeting with my kids. To talk about the situation.

[00:14:27] Told John his sister was only doing wedding activity she wanted to. And that the guilting request needed to stop. That this was hurting his relationship with his sister. Sally was happy I said it. So she did not have to yet again. I told him if he did not stop her from messaging me. It would block her with a bluntly honest explanation why. We got a lot out. John seemed to understand. But then a few days later. They insisted on coming to talk. Sally and I decided. We would get everything out.

[00:14:56] So all of us ate at our place. Abby started in immediately about baby shower stuff. And I told her that this is the kind of thing we wanted to talk about. I told her that I understood. She's been trying to fill a hole that she has. That she thought she was getting a father. A second mother. She calls my ex-wife mum apparently. And a sister. I told her it was still possible. But that she needed to start listening to us. I told her that for the sake of family. We would give her a fresh start. If she agreed that moving forward.

[00:15:26] She would respect our boundaries. My daughter did not love this idea. But loves her brother. And was willing to try. Abby tried to say that. Since we were starting over. We could define what the relationship would be. And just be family. We told her we were not ready for that. That it needs to happen organically. She got mad that I'm closer with my daughter's partner. Which is true. But we just get along. And that she deserved it for trying so hard. My daughter said something about trying things we actually want.

[00:15:56] She ran to our bathroom. He ran after her. After a while I checked on him. I could hear her repeating. This is not what I wanted. My wife. Daughter. And her partner went out to the patio. To give them privacy. And salvage the night. After a bit. I got a text saying. They had just left. I checked in with him the next day. And he said. They talked more at home. And she understood. For a couple of weeks. Things were good. The text stopped. Except the occasional wedding question. Since it was getting closer.

[00:16:25] She stopped pushing herself on my wife and Sally. And my thoughts was involving us in less wedding planning. Out of respect. Since as it was. They only got the venue at the rate they did. Because of my professional connections. And they knew I was willing to help. But not interested in helping plan. Even if I'm good at event planning. But then I got a call from the venue. Telling me the card I used had been declined. Now this is a specific card I use for big purchases. Because of the miles. So I knew I had a high limit. That was how I learned that.

[00:16:54] They had changed dates by two months. Despite being informed. I would still be out. Much of the money. Because it was too close to the date. I was furious. I mean. I've been lucky in life financially. But I am not blow off deposits like nothing wealthy. Called my son. Said he needed to get his ass to the house. Just him. They both came. When they arrived I opened the door. She actually started with. Dad. I think I just replied. You've got to be fucking kidding me. And walked towards the table.

[00:17:24] Abby had the nerve to ask where dinner was. My response was not polite. As I made it clear. That was not why they were here. I hoped my son would not lie to me. So I asked what was going on with the venue. She started going into wedding details. But my son interrupted to tell me. They postponed. Because my ex-wife was unavailable. Because of a surgery. And he had not told me. Because he was putting money together. To pay the lost money himself. And he just reached out to the guests. To let them know. And that is when Abby's mouth opened.

[00:17:52] We have extra time to work on our dance. Now during this time. My wife came home. And I was walking her towards the bedroom. When Abby said that. My pregnant wife with me. I said. Calmly. I have different feelings about that. And will elaborate further shortly. Or something like that. Then I laid my wife down. And got her water. Turned on her symphonic covers. Of popular songs. And walked back to the table. And said something like. You're out of your fucking mind. Have you been listening? I made it clear. I was done with this nonsense.

[00:18:22] We all were. And kind of lost it. Asking. She did not hear us the last time. Because her head was up her ass. She was stunned silent. What a beautiful sound. And looked at me. While I. Admittedly. With little filter. Explained what Sally and I thought of our time with her. And her attempts to force us to love her. Without even getting to know us.

[00:18:54] And I'm pouring another drink to write this. It was a ploy. Mac's wife and her decided. If I had more time. I would come around. Apparently my ex told her not to worry about the money. Because. I am loaded. She has always been bitter. I make so much more than I did when we were married. As if that is out of spite. Rather than my career arc. I think she did that on purpose frankly. But she not only told me that lie. She and my ex told John as well. He was distraught. Repeating. You lied to me. As she tried to spin it.

[00:19:24] But he was letting it out. About how much he has defended her. And covered for her. And she lied to him too. She was defensive. And blamed my ex for telling her things. And me for being stubborn. She yelled. Why can't I just fucking call him dad? And finally after so long. I heard John respond. Because he is not your fucking dad. She started crying. And something about. Him being the one that told her she could call me that. And he said. He told her she might be able to eventually. But he had told her again and again to slow down.

[00:19:54] She started sobbing. And went to sit on her chair. But missed and fell on the floor. Appreciating physical humor to break the tension. I admittedly chuckled. And hid my mouth behind my drink. This all led to a lot of sobbing. I said I needed to check on my wife. And as I walked out. She was repeating. I just want him to be my dad too. I came out. And he was walking her to the door. And apologized. I said not to. They left. He came over a few days later. And said they had a long talk at home.

[00:20:23] He even asked her. If she would have dated him. If there was never a chance of being in the family. He believed her when she said yes. But she admitted. I was a big drawer as well. I was kind of the dad she always wanted. My relationship with Sally is. What she always wanted. And the way she said it. Gave John doubts. That she loves him. For him. I talked about marriage counseling. How his mother and I tried. And while it did not save us. It provided clarity. And an impartial voice. I pointed out. That they both like coming to me.

[00:20:53] But I cannot be impartial. And if they are trying. Then they need to do it for real. Abby text. Asking if I was the one who suggested therapy. I responded with. Does it matter if John wants to? She asked why it is so bad. She wants to know what I think. And I just said. John is the man whose opinion should matter most to her. They fought due to the text. She agreed to the counseling. And the wedding has been postponed. I may have done a dance. So they are in counseling. He said she struggles.

[00:21:21] But I obviously do not know details. She is pressing for me and Sally. To go to a session with her. Sally told her. She did not want to hear. Sally unfiltered. And I am not interested. Abby has been leaving Sally alone. She stopped texting me. Except for the occasional general question. Which included some attempt to go deeper. My wife still occasionally spends time with her. Because she is very into her pregnancy. More so than I like. But it is my wife's core. So that is where we are. Sorry it is so long.

[00:21:51] But alcohol makes for a poor editor. So OP came in with another update. A month and a half later. And says. I was told I should do updates here. People have been asking me to. And to get into what went down on father's day. And at their mother's house. I have been extremely busy these last few months. But I am enjoying my temporary unemployment. And thought of this account. Because of recent Thanksgiving drama. I will do an update. And then we will share what happened earlier. Oh. And to whoever made the joke that Abby finally got me to dance. That made me laugh.

[00:22:20] I shared that with the family. I got to admit. When I read that as well. Oh I did do a double take. I was like what? He's dancing now. OP continued. My time has been largely caring for my wife. I tend to dote. I know. But having a boy. We are really excited. Though neither of us really had gender preference. I've raised both. And both experiences were wonderful. Now we are discussing names. Who we are going to honor. I thought everything had been quiet. But recently found my wife crying. And found out I was wrong.

[00:22:50] Given how busy I have been with work. And my wife knowing I would be free again. Once we got into this month. My wife has kept this to herself. Apparently Abby has been pushing for one Thanksgiving this year. Things have been quiet with Abby. My son said the wedding blowing up woke her up. And that therapy has been helping. But then this. My understanding is that. While John has been talking less with his mother. Because of all that happened. Abby did the opposite. From my wife's telling. Abby dropped by one day.

[00:23:20] With my ex-wife. My wife intensely dislikes my ex-wife. Because of the lies she spread about my first marriage. Ending due to infidelity. With her. Despite there being no infidelity. And that the linear nature. Of time making it impossible. For us to have slept together back then. Before anyone asks. My ex-wife does not actually think there was infidelity. I would get into that. But I am sure I would sound biased. Anyway. So my wife looked at our camera app. Saw who it was. And called my daughter.

[00:24:17] Apparently the two of them were keeping things from me. Alone this time. My wife saw it was her. And asked her what she wanted through the door. Abby said to apologize. My wife let her in. She is too nice. And after a nice talk. Abby asked about. The whole family getting together for Thanksgiving. My wife said of course. She assumed as much. A couple of days later. In our group chat. We were discussing details. Who brings what. And Abby asks. What else is needed. I say John. Already committed. And she asked. What about my ex-wife. What should she bring.

[00:24:47] In the time I've known Abby. She's never made an intentional joke that funny. So I asked what she was talking about. And she mentioned the. Whole family comment. And my daughter and I both asked. What made her think we counted her as family. She actually replied. She is my family. I don't have a dad who wants me. Just a mom. And my mom deserves to be with family on Thanksgiving. Sally replied. Well. We'll miss you and John then. Abby asks. How can she say that. Sally asks. How can she be so stupid.

[00:25:18] John says not to call her stupid. And I say. That is fair. But there is no real way. She thought my wife thought. She meant my ex-wife. At this point. My wife had filled me in. And then. This. Is so stupid. She uses my son's phone. To add my ex-friggin wife. To the group chat. She then thanks us for the invitation. And asks what she can bring. As I was typing. My daughter beats me to it. And asks what she thinks she is doing. She knows she is not welcome. But says it less politely. My wife types.

[00:25:47] You could not have thought she was included when I said family. Abby responded that she was not coming as my family. But as hers. Sally let her mom have it. She is already not talking to her much. And said. If my ex-wife is there. Then she is not. I mentioned there was never a chance. Ex was going to come. And said. I understand Abby and John. Wanting to go to their mom's house. So she is not alone. John typed. Plans. Not definite. Will let you know. He has since told me that he is not going to his mom's place.

[00:26:17] But wanted to tell Abby alone first. All I can think about is the comment about not having a dad who wants her. Because it means she is still thinking about me as a dad. I believe. Just a negligent one. I mentioned that to my son. And he said he noticed it too. And had brought it up at therapy. Because family is such a frequent topic. Though I obviously do not know details. Wow. I thought this would be brief. But that was a lot.

[00:26:43] I will get into crazy stories later if there are people seeing this who want me to. I do not know how posting from here works in terms of anyone seeing it. But this has been good to get out. Hell no. I would have checked out of that a long time ago. You know. I am a patient person. I am willing to give people chances. But the sheer amount of boundary stomping. And just basic disrespect towards you here. It is just madness. And she is absolutely still thinking of you as dad.

[00:27:12] And it just felt like that comment about. I don't have a dad who wants me. Just a mom. It just felt like that was another go at manipulation. But someone said to AP. Someone needs to explain sunk cost fallacy to John. I genuinely cannot believe he is still with her after the sheer volume of time she has disrespected him. His boundaries. And your family. Maybe this was back in an earlier post. But has anyone really taken the time to reason with him? That there are other women out there. And he deserves so much better than this kind of relationship.

[00:27:42] OP says. I had a talk when this started. So did his sister. After a blow up with the wedding. His sister and I took him out for a game. And some time to really talk after. That was when he apparently demanded counseling. I am happy that for now. Marriage is on hold at least. He is seeing her a bit more honestly. But is still too optimistic in my view. Someone mentions to the OP. That he needs to tell his wife not to let Abby in. When he is not home. OP says. I have asked my wife to never let her in. If they are not there. After the last time.

[00:28:12] Well actually. I had already asked her. But after the last incident. My wife has agreed. You are exactly correct. That she takes advantage of my wife's kindness. Though once our boy is here. I think she will be very protective. And will hold strong. I have told John that Abby will not be holding our baby. At least for the foreseeable future. And many comments just saying. You know. OP and his daughter just need to have a serious talk. With his son about Abby. And OP says. His sister and I had a serious conversation with him.

[00:28:41] A little after everything blew up. It seems to be what inspired both his demands for counseling. And putting the marriage on hold. He is better about seeing her honestly. His sister said something about Abby having similarities to their mother. Which would have been fighting words from anyone else. And I saw the temper that rarely comes out. But then he listened. Because she clearly put thought into it. I never thought about it. I am proud to have kids smarter than me. I know my boy doesn't come off as a genius in these posts. And fair enough in that department.

[00:29:11] But professionally. He is brilliant. She laid her reasoning out in excruciating detail. He listened though. Because she was not enjoying it at all. It was sincere. Something seemed to have clicked. Because since that talk. He has been different with her. I just am not getting my hopes up. Another commenter says to OP. When two crazies are feeding off each other's crazy. They can start thinking anything is possible. I have a feeling that even if your son leaves her. She is not going to go away peacefully.

[00:29:39] Her and your ex sound like peas in a pod unfortunately. OP says my daughter really went at him. Pointing out the similarities. She made her case well. And thankfully it shook him up. And the comments were just all over the place on this one. Some people just saying like no one's making any human rational decisions in this. Other people saying that John needs to be cut off. Just to get Abby out of their lives. But now I'm going to turn it to you. What would you do in this situation?

[00:30:09] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. I just saw the time. Bloody hell this went on for a while. Just a huge thank you for being here today. Getting involved in the stories. Your love. Your support. Your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so so much for being involved. And hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care. And much love.