My Son And I Are Going On Vacation Without My Husband r/Relationships

[00:00:00] There's never been a faster or easier way to start your weight loss journey than with

[00:00:04] Plush Care.

[00:00:05] Plush Care accepts most insurance plans and gives you online access to board certified

[00:00:09] physicians who can prescribe FDA approved weight loss medications like Wigovi and ZepBound

[00:00:14] for those who qualify.

[00:00:16] Take charge of your health and speak with a board certified physician about a weight

[00:00:20] loss plan that's right for you.

[00:00:21] Get started today at plushcare.com slash weight loss.

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[00:00:28] Hey hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well.

[00:00:38] My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories.

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[00:00:46] that notification bell too.

[00:00:47] And let's crack on with today's first story.

[00:00:51] Much love guys.

[00:00:52] Now today's first story comes from Dudiz Frudiz from the Mark Narrations subreddit.

[00:00:59] Cheeky.

[00:01:00] It does have a small update attached to it and it's titled I, 38 female, am going on

[00:01:06] vacation without my husband, 40 male.

[00:01:11] English is not my native language, sorry for any mistakes.

[00:01:15] I want to preface this saying that my husband and I have separate finances.

[00:01:19] He covers most of the household expenses and I do most of the housework and childcare.

[00:01:24] I say most because it's like 80-20 in both aspects.

[00:01:28] Another important thing to note, that for the past two years we've been having problems

[00:01:32] with our marriage.

[00:01:34] Like fighting, passive aggressively, 5 days out of the week.

[00:01:38] It has been hell.

[00:01:39] I've been stressed the fuck out, gaining weight, losing hair, all the physical signs

[00:01:44] of stress.

[00:01:45] Divorce was mentioned several times and family therapy is now on the table.

[00:01:51] I work a good job and we make roughly the same.

[00:01:54] This upcoming Eid, for my non-Muslim friends, is one of our two major yearly celebrations.

[00:02:00] I'm taking my 8 male son and traveling without my husband.

[00:02:04] We are meeting family abroad that we haven't seen in years.

[00:02:08] Sort of a reunion.

[00:02:09] When it was being planned he wasn't interested due to financial reasons.

[00:02:14] He makes good money but he likes spending it.

[00:02:17] Shopping, latest phone, latest smartwatch, expensive shoes etc.

[00:02:21] But I saved a lot for this.

[00:02:24] Traveling for months without luxuries, without going out so I was able to save quite a bit

[00:02:28] to cover flights and accommodations for myself and my son but not enough to include my husband.

[00:02:35] When the trip was first being planned he was nothing but supportive.

[00:02:39] With a full smile on his face he said to go ahead and he won't mind it since I've been

[00:02:44] in the same room with my family for close to a decade.

[00:02:47] He was aware of what I'm doing every step of the way and said nothing.

[00:02:52] Nothing more than a quick I'm really going to miss son when you are gone once and trying

[00:02:57] to convince him to stay with him and let me go alone.

[00:03:00] Which I was fine with if that's what he wanted but he's an 8 year old dying to see his cousins

[00:03:05] so he said no.

[00:03:07] He was on the phone with me when I was getting the passports, visas, plane tickets.

[00:03:12] But once I booked the non-refundable tickets he did a 180.

[00:03:17] Silent treatment, muttering about priorities, how he's going to be alone this Eid.

[00:03:22] His family lives in our city while my family is scattered across the globe.

[00:03:27] For days he would essentially talk to me with one word replies so I'm not proud of it but

[00:03:33] I ignored him.

[00:03:34] It felt like a tantrum so I thought fuck it I'm going.

[00:03:37] It'll be a nice break and I could figure out what I want to do with this marriage.

[00:03:42] Also I wanted to add that if we're in a good place in our marriage I wouldn't have even

[00:03:47] considered this.

[00:03:48] With all of this said I still feel guilty leaving.

[00:03:52] Even though last Eid he created a problem out of nowhere and we spent it basically apart

[00:03:57] as I refused for him to tarnish this memory for my child so I took him out a lot on my

[00:04:01] own.

[00:04:02] He started therapy a few weeks ago and started communicating better but I still have little

[00:04:07] confidence this will last.

[00:04:10] My very first thoughts on this was like after the story it sounded like, pretty much like

[00:04:14] you said that it was a tantrum being thrown.

[00:04:17] You know he had the opportunity to save up like you did to be able to go and celebrate.

[00:04:22] He chose not to.

[00:04:23] There's also a little part of me saying you know you were discussing about how your marriage

[00:04:28] is not in a great place right now and I thought is this just going to sort of like be another

[00:04:33] knock to your marriage and I'm not sure where you actually stand with that.

[00:04:38] Which I'm not saying you should cave to his demands in this at all or anything like that

[00:04:41] but it was just something that popped into my head as I was thinking about it.

[00:04:46] But also after you know this has been going on for some time he knew what the plan was

[00:04:50] he knew what was happening he knew something was going along and he tried to convince him

[00:04:54] last minute to stay felt really really shitty to me.

[00:04:58] But sweet tooth says don't feel guilty it's on him doing a 180.

[00:05:02] I'm proud that you stuck to your guns.

[00:05:05] Eid should be a happy festive time for you even if your in-laws are nice you should still

[00:05:09] spend it with your own family every so often.

[00:05:11] Hope therapy works for your husband.

[00:05:14] Focus on your and your son's happiness.

[00:05:16] Make sure your son is aware that how you treat people matters.

[00:05:20] Make sure your husband isn't becoming a poor role model for your son.

[00:05:23] Kids pick up on more than you realize so kiddos probably at least subconsciously notice the

[00:05:28] unhealthy behaviors in your marriage for the past few years.

[00:05:32] Enjoy time with your family and build your support network up.

[00:05:35] Have a brilliant Eid.

[00:05:36] Hope you respond saying the role model point is the biggest reason that was driving me

[00:05:40] towards leaving for a while.

[00:05:42] I talked to him honestly about it he apologized and said he didn't mean to and he just shuts

[00:05:47] down facing criticism or conflict.

[00:05:50] We're in a very typical anxious attachment slash avoidant attachment dynamic.

[00:05:55] But he has been making an effort to be better in front of his son.

[00:05:59] Taking him to get me flowers or gifts holding my hand in public etc.

[00:06:04] And he was never verbally or any sort of abusive just incredibly emotionally distant.

[00:06:10] But kids do pick up on energy.

[00:06:11] I believe that even if he's trying to be better in front of him, he will pick up on

[00:06:16] the undertones of the relationship pretty soon.

[00:06:19] I'm hopeful his journey with therapy can give him the tools he needs to be a better

[00:06:22] partner.

[00:06:23] So I'm going to give him grace to go through his journey.

[00:06:26] Still going on the trip though lol.

[00:06:31] Miss Murderpants says OP in my family is pretty normal to go take a vacation without the spouse

[00:06:36] slash partner.

[00:06:37] I do it, my mom did and even my grandmother would come and spend time with us away from

[00:06:42] grandpa.

[00:06:43] We live 12 hours away.

[00:06:44] Your husband sounds like he has control issues.

[00:06:47] Have a great trip.

[00:06:48] OP says honestly no he doesn't.

[00:06:51] I take trips normally.

[00:06:52] It's just around Eid is the issue cause it's about family and we only get a handful of

[00:06:57] them with our kids when they're all dressed up and giddy getting gifts and a new outfit

[00:07:01] and the Eid prayer we go to every year.

[00:07:04] But he wanted me to guess that he doesn't want me to leave him and wanted me to cancel

[00:07:09] on my own.

[00:07:10] He held out hope I would cancel last minute but booking the flight made it real for him

[00:07:14] but I refuse to shape my life around a man that doesn't know how to form words.

[00:07:19] Make them come out of his mouth just say how he feels lol.

[00:07:22] If he had communicated to me how he feels we could have reached a compromise.

[00:07:28] Combination Calm says go and have fun.

[00:07:31] I would also seriously think about what you want to do moving forward with your marriage

[00:07:34] as this is not healthy for your son to witness this.

[00:07:37] If he keeps going on about it then maybe reach out to your local mosque and see what events

[00:07:42] they are having during Eid.

[00:07:43] He's not going to be the only one spending Eid alone so I'm sure they will have some

[00:07:46] group event or meet up for people without families and reverse.

[00:07:51] Fun Concentrate says my wife and I have been together for 41 years.

[00:07:55] She vacations without me often.

[00:07:57] I'm not big on traveling and it's one of my wife's favorite things to do.

[00:08:01] At first I was upset that she would actually leave me at home but I realized she came back

[00:08:05] full of energy and excitement and it improved our marriage.

[00:08:09] Go have a great time.

[00:08:11] Hopefully he realizes that a less stressed partner will really benefit your marriage.

[00:08:15] Hope he said this is such a refreshing outlook.

[00:08:19] Thank you.

[00:08:20] And a final comment from Avmax who says my hubby goes on holiday without me and I'm

[00:08:24] fine with it.

[00:08:25] He goes with his sister and nephew once a year at the end of the summer holiday.

[00:08:29] It's their time.

[00:08:31] Enjoy having some me time as well.

[00:08:33] However, I think you already know that your marriage is not good and it's not about a

[00:08:36] holiday only.

[00:08:38] Some time away from your husband would be a good thing I think.

[00:08:41] Hope he says yes I think so too.

[00:08:43] That was one of the reasons I stuck to my guns.

[00:08:47] But Opie gave us their small little update and said I wasn't expecting so much support.

[00:08:53] Thank you to all the kind people in the comments and in my DMs.

[00:08:57] He seems to be getting out of the spunk he was in.

[00:09:00] He's being more positive, he's going on a boys trip with his friends while we're

[00:09:04] away and we started planning another local trip together when we get back.

[00:09:09] So making lemonade I guess.

[00:09:10] He's being more supportive now about the trip, helping with what we need to do before

[00:09:15] leaving and will be taking son to get souvenirs for his cousins.

[00:09:19] I would love to hear how you're doing in the future with your relationship as well.

[00:09:24] It sounds like progress is being made even if it's small steps, I'm all for it in

[00:09:29] the end.

[00:09:30] And like some of the commenters says maybe this time away will be a little bit of a push

[00:09:35] in the right direction.

[00:09:36] I think we all need our little bit of me time every once in a while.

[00:09:40] That's not saying that you don't love your partner or anything like that.

[00:09:43] It's just you know a bit of time alone sometimes really does help out.

[00:09:48] Thank you so much Ropey for sharing your story on our subreddit that's really appreciated

[00:09:52] and before we do go into our next story I do want to say over at r slash mark narrations

[00:09:58] if you do want to share your story please feel free to do so.

[00:10:01] Preferably like a concluded story or a story with updates even if it's an old story

[00:10:05] you can still like put it in like with little updates in between if you know what I mean.

[00:10:09] Like as the events happened like neighbor stories, oh you know I love all that sort

[00:10:14] of stuff.

[00:10:15] Relationships, families, HOA stories, a bit of tree lore every once in a while, entitled

[00:10:22] people you name it you throw it on there and I'll see if we can get around to it obviously

[00:10:27] takes a bit of formatting and all that sort of stuff but thank you so much once again and

[00:10:32] let's move on to the next story.

[00:10:39] For this episode of Kat & Nat Unfiltered we partnered with eHarmony the dating app to

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[00:12:30] There's never been a faster or easier way to start your weight loss journey than with

[00:12:34] plush care.

[00:12:36] Plush care accepts most insurance plans and gives you online access to board certified

[00:12:40] physicians who can prescribe FDA approved weight loss medications like Wigovi and ZepBound

[00:12:45] for those who qualify.

[00:12:47] Take charge of your health and speak with a board certified physician about a weight

[00:12:50] loss plan that's right for you.

[00:12:52] Get started today at plushcare.com slash weight loss that's plushcare.com slash weight loss

[00:12:58] plushcare.com slash weight loss.

[00:13:03] Our next story comes from the amithearsallhere subreddit from strangetadpole3749 and it does

[00:13:10] have a couple of updates with it.

[00:13:12] It's titled amithearsallhere for not coming to terms with the fact that my wife cheated

[00:13:17] on me 14 years ago before our marriage.

[00:13:21] I 35 male and married to my wife 37 female for 11 years and together for 14.

[00:13:27] We have a beautiful 7 year old daughter and our marriage has been great without any major

[00:13:32] problems until last year.

[00:13:36] Last year I learned that my wife cheated on me before our marriage.

[00:13:40] One of her friends became religious and confessed her actions to me which had me confront my

[00:13:45] wife.

[00:13:46] She was shocked that I learned it and apologized profusely about her actions.

[00:13:51] However she said it's not something important now because we've been going strong and have

[00:13:55] a family together.

[00:13:57] She told me I should come to terms with it since it happened 4 months ago into being

[00:14:02] an exclusive and she was a stupid girl out of college back then.

[00:14:06] My mind told me the same, it happened 14 years ago and we're happy right now.

[00:14:12] I decided to forgive her and continue our usual life.

[00:14:17] Reality was not that great.

[00:14:19] My mental health took a big hit.

[00:14:21] I realized it's not something that happened 14 years ago for me.

[00:14:25] The cheating happened for me when my wife confirmed it.

[00:14:28] I was less confident, could not have sex with my wife.

[00:14:32] I just could not get an erection for her.

[00:14:34] This turned into feeling disgusted being around her.

[00:14:37] I even took a DNA test and STD test secretly.

[00:14:41] Thankfully our daughter is mine and I'm clear of STDs.

[00:14:45] Then a year of intense individual therapy started for me.

[00:14:49] I realized I needed to change somehow.

[00:14:52] I was not the same person I used to be.

[00:14:55] I also communicated my feelings to my wife and after pushing a bit we started going to

[00:14:59] couples counseling too.

[00:15:01] However, at the end of everything I decided to proceed with divorce.

[00:15:05] And here's my reasoning.

[00:15:07] She not only cheated back then but lied to me for 14 years.

[00:15:11] She did not confess the action herself.

[00:15:14] Even though she apologized she dismissed the fact by saying it's not important anymore.

[00:15:18] Young me was robbed of having a choice.

[00:15:21] Cheating was and still is one of the biggest deal breakers for me.

[00:15:25] If I knew it back then I would have broke it off.

[00:15:29] I am happy with my life and I'm glad that our daughter came to the world.

[00:15:33] She is the light that shines the brightest for me.

[00:15:36] One of the biggest reasons I keep living but I was still robbed of a choice back then.

[00:15:42] IC and MC could not solve our problems and my feelings towards her.

[00:15:46] It also started affecting family life which could affect our daughter.

[00:15:50] I think our daughter would be better off as having us co-parents instead of living in

[00:15:54] a broken family environment where consistent arguments are present.

[00:15:59] Sex life is basically dead for me.

[00:16:01] We do have sex but I feel like those women on films and series that just lay and look

[00:16:06] at the ceiling waiting for it to be over.

[00:16:08] The only difference is that I am a man.

[00:16:11] I do not even want non-sexual gestures anymore.

[00:16:15] Last week I had a sit down with my wife and explained everything I wrote here in detail.

[00:16:20] My feelings, reasonings and some other private things.

[00:16:23] I have been talking to a lawyer for the last month and papers are almost finalized.

[00:16:27] 50-50 custody, 50-50 asset sharing and as amicable as possible.

[00:16:33] I explained everything thoroughly and clearly to her.

[00:16:37] She freaked out and had a panic attack.

[00:16:39] We spent the night at ER.

[00:16:41] She is begging me to reconsider and not throw away 14 years.

[00:16:45] However even though I would like to stay it results in us being roommates in a broken

[00:16:50] family environment for our daughter.

[00:16:52] Am I in the wrong here?

[00:16:54] And of course your view is going to change of someone when you've just discovered that

[00:16:59] 14 years ago, regardless the amount of time they cheated on you.

[00:17:03] Like you said, you put it right, that this is not something that happened 14 years ago

[00:17:07] for you.

[00:17:08] This happened the moment she said it.

[00:17:12] And if you're unable to move past this, simply you're unable to move past this and I think

[00:17:17] you're dealing with it in the best way that you can.

[00:17:19] You want it to be as amicable as possible.

[00:17:22] But a commenter says, this isn't an arsehole or not question.

[00:17:25] You aren't able to love her the way you did before.

[00:17:28] You no longer trust her.

[00:17:29] The relationship is dysfunctional.

[00:17:31] Therapy didn't help.

[00:17:33] Calling you or her after all she's the cheater, an arsehole will solve absolutely nothing.

[00:17:39] All you can do now is to make the separation as smooth as possible for your daughter.

[00:17:45] Titsy Berry says not the arsehole and I'll tell you why.

[00:17:48] In quotes, even though she apologized, she dismissed the fact by saying it's not important

[00:17:52] anymore.

[00:17:53] And then says the only thing that infuriates me more than cheating is someone being dismissive

[00:17:57] of their cheating because it happened so long ago.

[00:18:00] It's not old news for you.

[00:18:02] For you, it just happened because you just found out.

[00:18:06] Even if your wife had been truly apologetic and contrite, I would say you weren't the arsehole

[00:18:12] for not being able to let this go.

[00:18:14] The fact that she tried to sweep it under the rug and pretend like it doesn't matter.

[00:18:19] Huge red flag.

[00:18:20] Plus, you clearly can't look at her the same way.

[00:18:23] Get out.

[00:18:24] It's a shame you couldn't have found out earlier but at least you know now.

[00:18:28] End the marriage is best for both you and your child.

[00:18:32] Odd Fiction says not the arsehole.

[00:18:34] All I'd be able to think about is, if she lied to me for all these years about this,

[00:18:38] what else is she lying about?

[00:18:40] I'd never stop wondering about that.

[00:18:42] I'd also wonder if there's some other instances and she hasn't told you.

[00:18:46] The only reason you found out about this one was from someone else.

[00:18:50] So who's to say there aren't other instances?

[00:18:53] Maybe not cheating but that's a long ass time to lie to you.

[00:18:56] Realistically, it's not fine and you all haven't been going strong because she's

[00:19:01] been lying this whole damn time.

[00:19:03] This is new for you and she broke your trust.

[00:19:06] She's definitely the arsehole for being dismissive of it and lying this entire time.

[00:19:10] Then having the audacity to say that you all have been fine this whole time.

[00:19:16] So OP's first update says, firstly I want to thank everyone for their ideas and input

[00:19:21] about my situation.

[00:19:23] Some people reached out to me on Reddit chat to state their opinions and we had long talks.

[00:19:28] They've been incredibly helpful and I want to thank them especially.

[00:19:32] Some people asked if we went to counselling together.

[00:19:34] Yes, we've been visiting a counsellor for over a year now on top of my individual therapy.

[00:19:40] I understand blowing up a marriage for something happening 14 years ago is not logical.

[00:19:45] However, my feelings towards my wife got even worse after counselling and therapy.

[00:19:50] It started with not being able to trust her, converted to not wanting sex, then not wanting

[00:19:56] non-sexual gestures and finally not comfortable to be in the same space as her.

[00:20:00] We've been less than roommates in the last couple of months.

[00:20:04] I do not hate or resent her but I just cannot shake off the feelings.

[00:20:08] I would say I forgave her but it's not about forgiving anymore when there are no feelings

[00:20:12] and love.

[00:20:13] I do not want my daughter to grow up in such an environment.

[00:20:16] I know how hurtful it can be.

[00:20:18] I experienced a similar situation with my parents only the genders reversed.

[00:20:24] Living in such an environment breaks you as a child and teen.

[00:20:27] I would have much preferred if my mother just divorced my dad instead of staying for my

[00:20:31] sake.

[00:20:32] These being said, I had a long talk with my wife this morning.

[00:20:36] She has not been eating much since visiting ER and I am concerned for her well-being and

[00:20:41] safety.

[00:20:42] Some Redditors who reached out suggested considering separation before proceeding with divorce and

[00:20:47] see if my feelings would change.

[00:20:49] That is very logical actually.

[00:20:51] I proposed the idea to my wife and she was happy to hear it.

[00:20:55] I have an upcoming business trip to the Netherlands next week and I'm planning to extend my stay

[00:21:00] and stay with my sister once I'm back.

[00:21:02] My wife abruptly suggested one-sided open marriage and I can do what I want on that

[00:21:06] business trip if it'll save the relationship, make us even and change my feelings.

[00:21:12] I rejected because it has nothing to do with that.

[00:21:15] Even if it changed something for me, it would devastate her knowing I cheated on her in

[00:21:19] the future.

[00:21:20] It's not something easy to get over and not an easy decision.

[00:21:24] This is all the update.

[00:21:25] I will try separation for a while and depend on the result and make my decision.

[00:21:30] Thank you all for the help and opinions.

[00:21:34] And OP gives us their next update which says, I have a short update about the situation.

[00:21:39] I got back from the trip and decided to divorce my wife in the end.

[00:21:43] The last straw was when my daughter told me I looked more lively and happier after I came

[00:21:47] back.

[00:21:48] I realized I'm better off without my wife and just co-parenting our daughter with her.

[00:21:52] I still feel incredibly uncomfortable around my wife.

[00:21:55] My wife did not take the news well and is going down the spiral.

[00:22:00] I called mother-in-law and father-in-law to have them take care of her.

[00:22:03] She caused some problems.

[00:22:05] She sent threatening messages to her friend who told me about the cheating.

[00:22:08] I had to beg her not to sue my wife as I want my daughter to have a mother present in her

[00:22:13] life, though she'll probably be taken to a mental ward.

[00:22:17] She is not well.

[00:22:18] Last time I saw her, I felt scared looking at her eyes.

[00:22:21] Our daughter is with me now and we've started the divorce process.

[00:22:26] My lawyer told me if my wife is to be taken to a mental ward, there is a good chance I

[00:22:30] can get better than 50-50 custody.

[00:22:33] One should be happy hearing that but I'm just devastated how it'll affect our daughter.

[00:22:38] Many redditors told in the comments that dating life after 30s as a man is not good and I'll

[00:22:43] be probably forever alone as no one will want me.

[00:22:46] First thing is, I do not care.

[00:22:48] Our daughter is my first priority and dating is the last thing I have in my mind right now.

[00:22:53] Second thing is, I'm confident in myself in every regard to finding friends and a partner.

[00:22:58] I think this sums up my update.

[00:23:00] I'll be back maybe in a year considering how long the divorce process takes when it's not amicable.

[00:23:06] Thank you.

[00:23:07] I don't know who was telling OP that they are going to find someone after 30s and they

[00:23:11] can cut that bullshit out right away.

[00:23:14] But I really do hope things work out for OP and their daughter's future and I hope regardless

[00:23:20] of what happened in the past that the wife does get some help and gets back on the right track.

[00:23:26] Especially for their daughter's sake, OP is very considerate of that and wants her to

[00:23:30] be a part of that life as well.

[00:23:32] And I get that.

[00:23:33] But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:23:36] What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:23:38] Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:23:42] And just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's stories.

[00:23:46] Your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me.

[00:23:50] So thank you so much for being a part of it and I will see you in the next one.

[00:23:55] Take care and much love.

[00:24:48] Check us out again at HelloFresh.com

[00:24:50] Let's get this dinner party started!