My Sister Says I'm Ruining Her Wedding By The Dress I Picked r/Relationships

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[00:00:23] Hey, Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well.

[00:00:32] My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories.

[00:00:36] If you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that

[00:00:41] notification bell too.

[00:00:42] Let's crack on with today's first story.

[00:00:45] Much love guys!

[00:00:46] Today's first story comes from Annabelle from the wedding drama subreddit.

[00:00:51] It just says, I figured this also fits here and wanted to get some more opinions on if

[00:00:56] I'm an asshole.

[00:00:59] My oldest sister Elaine, 31 female is getting married in October 2022 to a fiancé of four

[00:01:05] years, Steven, 35 male.

[00:01:09] I 25 female am the youngest of four sisters, although from my perspective we have always

[00:01:14] been close growing up.

[00:01:16] Well, in May Elaine asked our second sister Gabriella, 29 female to be her maid of honour,

[00:01:23] which is understandable because they have always been super close growing up.

[00:01:28] Me and my third sister Celia, 26 female, expected to be bridesmaids too.

[00:01:33] However, Elaine decided to include Steven's daughters Tiffany, 12 female and Sasha,

[00:01:39] 8 female in the bridal party instead, which we were obviously a little upset about

[00:01:44] but understood that it was our sister's special day.

[00:01:48] Well, anyway, in July I was visiting our mum while Elaine and Gabriella were also visiting.

[00:01:55] I overheard them planning the wedding and decided to ask about the wedding colours

[00:01:59] since I was and still am super excited for my sister to be getting married.

[00:02:03] Elaine told me she was thinking of something bespoke and non-traditional for her wedding

[00:02:09] dress which I thought was cool in totally her style.

[00:02:12] Though I still assumed the colour of the dress would be white.

[00:02:16] I had no way of checking since I wasn't a bridesmaid and any texts I sent to Gabriella

[00:02:21] were ignored because it was supposed to be a surprise.

[00:02:24] In August, I picked out a yellow dress online as I thought it was a safe bet colour wise.

[00:02:30] Before I bought the dress, I sent a picture to Gabriella who once again left me on red.

[00:02:35] I asked Celia if she thought the dress was okay

[00:02:37] and she agreed that since it's not floor length, it should be okay to wear to Elaine's wedding.

[00:02:42] The dress is a light yellow, knee length, plain, asymmetrical dress

[00:02:47] and it was finally delivered last week.

[00:02:49] After it was delivered, I sent pictures to everyone

[00:02:52] and then Elaine freaked out at me.

[00:02:55] She called me seven times while I was at work.

[00:02:58] When I finally picked up, she yelled at me about how I was an awful sister

[00:03:02] and was stealing my niece's spotlight at her wedding.

[00:03:05] Apparently Tiffany and Sasha were supposed to be the only ones wearing yellow

[00:03:09] because Elaine wanted them to feel special.

[00:03:12] I told Elaine that if I ordered another dress, it wouldn't arrive on time

[00:03:16] to which she told me to go to a bridal store and buy a different dress.

[00:03:20] I told her that I had already spent $50 on a new dress for her wedding

[00:03:24] and that I wasn't going to spend another $200 on a fancy bridal store dress.

[00:03:29] Elaine called me selfish and told me not to bother attending her wedding

[00:03:33] if I didn't change my dress last minute.

[00:03:35] Everyone in our family is saying I'm an asshole for wanting to take away

[00:03:39] attention from two little girls on their dad's wedding day

[00:03:42] and I should just suck it up for my sister.

[00:03:45] So, am I the asshole?

[00:03:48] Edit

[00:03:49] Has so many kind people pointed out?

[00:03:51] Yes, I could go to Goodwill and find another dress.

[00:03:54] I've already suggested this to Elaine but she rejected that idea

[00:03:57] because this is my wedding, not a Walmart.

[00:04:01] I also often to wear an old homecoming dress which is pink.

[00:04:04] This also wasn't good enough for Elaine because Gabriella is wearing pink

[00:04:08] and Elaine didn't want me to be dressed exactly like Gabriella,

[00:04:12] even though Celia is also wearing a similar pink dress.

[00:04:15] I could go to Goodwill in my spare time but Elaine has said that she wants to pick out

[00:04:19] a dress so I don't ruin her wedding.

[00:04:22] As for dyeing the yellow dress,

[00:04:24] I don't want to spend $50 on fabric dye only for it to go wrong

[00:04:27] and then be down $100 with no dress to wear to my sister's wedding,

[00:04:31] which is in early October.

[00:04:33] Now, it's an absolute not the asshole from me.

[00:04:36] For me you've tried everything in your power to let her know what you're doing.

[00:04:42] Before you bought the dress, you sent a picture to Gabriella,

[00:04:45] you left it on red, you received the dress,

[00:04:48] you sent the pictures out and then everyone freaked out at you

[00:04:51] and instead of talking to you in a normal way,

[00:04:53] she yelled at you about how you was an awful sister

[00:04:56] stealing your new niece's spotlight at the wedding.

[00:04:59] And then on top of this, when you offered multiple alternatives to swapping the dress,

[00:05:04] she gave you no options.

[00:05:06] It just feels like there's something more going on in the background here, right?

[00:05:10] But Celia's Spyro says to OP, not the asshole,

[00:05:13] she had an opportunity to tell you not to wear it before you bought it.

[00:05:17] Your mistake was sending a picture after.

[00:05:19] What's she going to do when another random guest happens to wear yellow?

[00:05:23] OP says the crazy thing is our mum bought a floor length white dress

[00:05:27] and Elaine is fine with it.

[00:05:30] Princess Nora replies that saying, okay now that's nuts.

[00:05:34] You're stealing the spotlight from the Britesmaids by wearing a color no one told you not to

[00:05:38] but your mum is breaking the one consistent etiquette rule for weddings and that's fine.

[00:05:44] And on the back of that comment all I can say is probably that

[00:05:47] Elaine isn't wearing a white dress but you know with all the weird stuff going on

[00:05:52] within this story who knows what's going to happen.

[00:05:55] But my life is a dank meme says, OP I'm going to go ahead and guess that your family has been

[00:06:00] treating you like this for your entire life and has brainwashed you into thinking that this kind

[00:06:04] of mistreatment abuse and bullying is in any way normal acceptable or in some way any kind of

[00:06:10] remotely normal and not cruel and downright evil and crazy making.

[00:06:15] Cel Pond says you are absolutely correct in the discussion however if you want to smooth

[00:06:20] the waters for the sake of family peace in the high ground I'd recommend shopping for a dress

[00:06:25] in person at U stores and or discounted stores. Marshals, TJ Maxx, Target you should be able

[00:06:31] to find something adequate that doesn't break the bank especially if being discounted by your

[00:06:35] sister is a running pattern you didn't need to take the high road just all about what type

[00:06:40] of relationship you have and want to have with her. OP says ah some people already suggested

[00:06:45] this on Am I the Arsehole. As I explained there I've offered to go to Goodwill or wear an

[00:06:49] old coming dress but Elaine thinks both of these options are unacceptable because she wants a

[00:06:53] black tie wedding where everyone buys new outfits just to attend her wedding. Cel Pond replies to that

[00:06:59] saying oh that's wild and that definitely means you don't clearly have time to get a reasonably

[00:07:03] priced new dress it may be worthwhile to check out Goodwill or other U stores if you find something

[00:07:09] you can just lie however if you can't find anything and don't have it in your budget

[00:07:15] new and I'd recommend telling your sister and mother clearly that you care very much want to attend

[00:07:20] and care for your nieces but you don't have the budget for a $200 dress be after wearing old home

[00:07:25] coming one or the previously approved yellow one. Kath says not the arsehole sorry but in what

[00:07:32] universe is a 25 year old woman taking the spotlight away from an 8 and a 12 year old

[00:07:37] because they're wearing the same color dress that's beyond Bridezilla to me. News slash

[00:07:42] for your sister no one cares they know you are the bride they know who the girls are but guaranteed

[00:07:47] it doesn't go any further than that. Is your sister also demanding that all the other guests

[00:07:51] refrain from wearing yellow? If your sister and or your parents feel strongly about it let them

[00:07:57] front you the money for the more expensive dress. Lesson to sister read and respond to your messages

[00:08:04] OP response to that saying I'm not sure about the other guests the invitations didn't even

[00:08:08] mention yellow just please don't wear white hold up didn't we find out that mum was wearing white

[00:08:14] plot thickens so NLP comes in with their update and says this is an update to my first post where

[00:08:21] I talked about my sister Elaine wanting her stepdaughters to be the only ones in yellow

[00:08:26] then shares the link to the first post and continues Elaine's wedding was this past

[00:08:32] Tuesday and as many people suggested I wore my old homecoming dress which was a pink knee length

[00:08:38] dress in the days leading up to the wedding my mum and Elaine called me non-stop to tell me that

[00:08:43] I wore a yellow dress or would not be allowed into the wedding venue and that Elaine should be

[00:08:47] the one to pick my dress from a bridal shop as many people suggested I told Elaine that if she

[00:08:53] wanted to pick my dress she could pay for it Elaine became extremely annoyed with me for my

[00:08:58] responses it was disrespectful to her personally and as a bride that I should be more understanding

[00:09:04] about how expensive weddings are I reminded her that she was the one who wanted a large black

[00:09:10] tie wedding and that no one forced her to be so controlling over colors and outfits

[00:09:15] Elaine then proceeded to block me via text but clearly told our family what I said because

[00:09:20] I continued to receive texts from our mum and Gabriella who told me I was rude and that

[00:09:25] wedding planning is stressful and I should be more accommodating I told my mother and Gabriella

[00:09:30] that if Elaine wanted to be so controlling about my dress that she could pay for it or I would wear

[00:09:36] my old homecoming dress that shut both my mum and Gabriella up I didn't hear anything else about the

[00:09:42] topic of dresses from them until the morning of Elaine's wedding on the day of Elaine's wedding

[00:09:47] I waited for 10 minutes while my mother refused to send me the directions to the wedding venue

[00:09:51] because she didn't know how eventually I gave up on my mum and asked Celia to send directions

[00:09:57] instead because clearly our mum wanted me to miss the wedding at this point I was considering not

[00:10:03] attending the wedding at all but I figured if I attended that my family couldn't say that I

[00:10:07] liked effort or was being petty towards my sister when I arrived at the wedding venue

[00:10:12] most of the guests were already there as I said Elaine planned to have 100 people at her wedding

[00:10:17] and since she hadn't specified that no one should wear yellow there are at least 10 people

[00:10:21] present dressed in yellow one of whom was Steven's mother well anyway the real drama

[00:10:27] started when the rest of our extended family arrived at the wedding my mother's brother began

[00:10:32] talking to me and said that he was glad I managed to get a new dress and that yellow wasn't my colour

[00:10:37] anyway so I asked him if he thought it was appropriate for his sister my mother to wear white

[00:10:42] to her own daughter's wedding which he didn't reply I got a lot of dirty looks from other

[00:10:48] family members and mean comments about how cheap I was and how much audacity I had to ask the

[00:10:53] bride to pay for my dress at that point I figured I could suck it up for a few more hours just to

[00:10:59] see Elaine get married and that I could then drop off the wedding gift at the reception well at the

[00:11:04] wedding reception Elaine came up to me and pulled me aside she told me that since she didn't think

[00:11:09] I would come to the wedding that she had cancelled my meal and I owed her 110 dollars if I wanted

[00:11:15] to eat at her wedding since it cost her 110 dollars per head to book I asked her why she

[00:11:21] had anticipated her own sister not attending her wedding she made out like it was my fault I told

[00:11:27] her that I didn't have to deal with this and if this is how she wanted to be that she could

[00:11:31] consider herself no longer my sister I left Elaine's wedding immediately and took my gift with me

[00:11:37] just a bottle of wine and a card my family have texted me non-stop about how petty and jealous

[00:11:42] I am over Elaine etc etc so Reddit was right my sister was trying to exclude me from her

[00:11:49] wedding thanks for that I will now be going no contact with Elaine and my mother for their favoritism

[00:12:19] pack your bags with high quality essentials you'll be wearing for vacations to come with

[00:12:23] quints go to quints.com slash pack for free shipping and 365 day returns if there's one thing that my

[00:12:30] family and friends know me for it's being an amazing gift giver I owe it all to celebrations

[00:12:35] passport from 1800 flowers calm my one stop shopping site that has amazing gifts for every

[00:12:41] occasion with celebrations passport I get free shipping on thousands of amazing gifts and the

[00:12:46] more gifts I give the more perks and rewards I earn to learn more and take your gift giving to

[00:12:51] the next level visit 1800 flowers calm slash a cast that's 1800 flowers calm slash a cast

[00:13:02] so obviously there were some questions after this one sexy bartender says

[00:13:05] have they treated you like this before how were yours relationships growing up

[00:13:10] and must have been signed prior to this wedding that they didn't think highly of you

[00:13:14] and try to exclude you out of events either way good riddance keep no contact and

[00:13:18] don't even invite them to your future wedding op says I honestly thought we were close growing up

[00:13:24] like sure my older sisters would do stuff on their own but I figured that was just because

[00:13:28] they wanted time to themselves not because they were purposely trying to exclude me from their

[00:13:33] lives the greek italian says holy crap I actually can't believe the audacity of your mum

[00:13:39] Elaine and the other family members did your mum actually wear white to Elaine's wedding though

[00:13:44] op says yes our mum wore white to Elaine's wedding but this wasn't a problem because

[00:13:49] she apparently had two wedding dresses according to Celia however I left without seeing Elaine's

[00:13:54] second dress and then some info on if op is the family scapegoat op says to answer your question

[00:14:02] growing up family members would tell our parents that Elaine was the prettiest and that she

[00:14:06] would find a successful husband and have a bright future because of how pretty she was

[00:14:11] she used to do child pageants and then on op in her relationship with her sisters well Celia thinks

[00:14:17] I'm right to cut contact with Elaine after the way she spoke to me at the wedding and the way she

[00:14:21] treated me over the whole yellow dress issue Gabriella hasn't tried to reach out so I have no

[00:14:27] idea how she feels and that was op's last post on the matter and I came out of this one just

[00:14:32] feeling what the fuck's going on you know but what do you suspect the reason is in this post

[00:14:40] can you come up with any let us know your thoughts down in the comments below

[00:14:44] and let's move on to another story but now we're gonna cover another story from the

[00:14:51] mi the arsehole subreddit it does have an update as well from area of dusk who says would I be

[00:14:57] the arsehole if I continue to stretch my ears after my boyfriend expressed how much he hates it

[00:15:04] I 30 female have been with my boyfriend 30 male for just shy of a decade he's a very

[00:15:10] clean cut guy and very professional in appearance I on the other hand have a sleeve of tattoos

[00:15:15] dyed hair and pierced ears he works from home as a lead programmer for a company while

[00:15:20] I work as a manager slash pet groomer despite our opposite looks and career choices we have

[00:15:26] lots of interests and opinions in common if anything I think our differences help balance us out

[00:15:32] some background that may help add context to our relationship I started getting tattoos before we

[00:15:37] met but my biggest piece was done two years ago he's not a big fan of tattoos and has absolutely

[00:15:44] no plan to ever get any I never pushed but I have asked if they get a tiny one with me

[00:15:49] it's not a big deal for me so after he said no I've just left it he wasn't a fan of my big

[00:15:55] piece but because I've had ink done before he voiced some concerns about the amount of money

[00:15:59] I've spent but left it at that fast forward this past month I've always liked the jewelry that people

[00:16:06] with stretched ears get to wear some of it looks pretty cool slash pretty and I on a whim

[00:16:12] decided I would stretch my current piercings with the help and advice of a friend I got a

[00:16:17] kit and have been working on stretching with a goal being about a 2g slash 0g max

[00:16:23] when I told him about this he voiced that he really did not like how they looked and he did not want

[00:16:28] me stretching to the point where you could look through my ear or fit a pencil I told him not

[00:16:33] to worry and that I'd stop before I got to the generally accepted point of no return today I was

[00:16:39] moving up from a 10g to an 8g and he was watching me moisturize and sanitize my jewelry and ears

[00:16:46] once again he asked how big I was going but I showed him what a 2g looked like

[00:16:50] he gave me an unpleasant look and explained that really hated how gauges and stretched ears look

[00:16:56] he further went into explain that stretched ears were not my aesthetic as it was more punk

[00:17:01] I fit into more streetwear or gal styles he doesn't like how they look and doesn't think

[00:17:07] I look good with them I was disheartened I took out my jewelry packed them up and put

[00:17:12] them away to maybe discard I'm now sitting here debating I should continue stretching

[00:17:17] because it's something I want for myself or if I should honor his wishes and stop

[00:17:21] I already pushed my luck with how many tattoos and how big they are so maybe I should give up on

[00:17:26] this one thing I don't want him to think I'm unattractive so I don't want to change myself

[00:17:32] past what he's willing to accept but I also don't want him to tell me what to do with my

[00:17:36] body so would I be the arsehole if I continue stretching my ears after my boyfriend expressed

[00:17:43] how much he hates it global trekkers says no one's an arsehole here but honestly no matter how hard

[00:17:50] you try oil and water don't mix urban yeti says no one's an arsehole here you can continue to stretch

[00:17:57] if you want despite knowing your boyfriend isn't key but your boyfriend can then react as he finds

[00:18:02] appropriate if he's truly put off by them he might end up considering breaking up with you

[00:18:07] why did you ask his opinion if you weren't going to be considerate of it

[00:18:11] hope he says it's not that I really asked for his opinion I only brought it up to him the first time

[00:18:15] just to let him know this was a thing I wanted to do because I was interested in it

[00:18:20] Roku says no one's an arsehole here you can have freedom but you can't have license

[00:18:25] your boyfriend has given you his opinion you're still free to do whatever you want

[00:18:29] with freedom you can make your choices factor in how they affect other people

[00:18:33] deciding your priorities and accepting the consequences good and bad you don't get to

[00:18:39] have license where you can do whatever you want without having to think of how your choices and

[00:18:43] actions affect anyone else and be free from any negative reactions or consequences

[00:18:49] and one more comment that says can we stop acting like as someone in a relationship you

[00:18:54] should just do whatever you want even though you know it might make your partner unattracted

[00:18:58] to you why people acting like attraction doesn't matter anymore when you love someone

[00:19:04] if my girlfriend wanted to shave her head bald all of a sudden it's her right to do

[00:19:09] because it's her hair but if I tell her that will put me off and she does it anyway

[00:19:13] I'm no more of an arsehole if I end up leaving her that's her doing

[00:19:17] edit for the people who know damn well I'm not talking about something

[00:19:21] temporary let's take a face tattoo as an example if I told my girlfriend I wanted to

[00:19:25] cover my face in tattoos I knew for a fact she would hate it if he gets put off by it and

[00:19:31] I knew it I still went through that's on me stop making excuses and the face tattoo

[00:19:37] example always pops into my head whenever we cover stories like this imagine being with a partner

[00:19:42] and they say I'm gonna get a full face tattoo you know completely cover your face if I was to do

[00:19:47] that myself and a partner told me that that they didn't like that I would totally understand that

[00:19:54] as well and I wouldn't make that decision people are allowed to dislike these things it doesn't

[00:19:59] make them arseholes about people I know tell me that they don't like my sleeve tattoo they

[00:20:05] just not keen on tattoos in general really and I get that but of course you can make the choice

[00:20:11] like you said as well it is your body you're allowed to make that choice there is the possibility of

[00:20:17] consequences that come from that so I wouldn't say either of you are arseholes in this situation

[00:20:22] but OP updates the post as thank you to everyone that weighed in I spent some time reading as

[00:20:27] many comments as I could I didn't just read the comment saying not the arsehole or no one's

[00:20:32] an arsehole here they also read the ones that said you're the arsehole and some of the chains that

[00:20:36] went on a tangent about ear stretching I couldn't read them all but I did want to post an update

[00:20:41] and respond to some of the comments as a whole I told him last night that I have decided to stop

[00:20:46] stretching he simply gave me a hmm in response while we continue to make dinner and we haven't

[00:20:51] talked about it since I know I'm allowed to do with my body as I see fit as he's free to

[00:20:56] leave me if he wants neither him nor I look act or think like when we first met some of the changes

[00:21:04] by choice and others because of aging as a thing tastes have changed but I have still chosen him

[00:21:10] I want to believe that he continues to choose me this choice to stop was not because he told me

[00:21:15] to but because a lot of people have mentioned relationships are give and take at almost a

[00:21:21] decade what I do to my ears or not is not a hill I'm willing to die on those of you who have showed

[00:21:27] concern about the language I used in my post I'm grateful for your concern and I wholeheartedly

[00:21:33] believe this is a choice I made and not a decision based on any fear of abandonment

[00:21:38] if you comment has asked I'd like it if he changed himself in a way that I didn't find

[00:21:42] attractive short answer is I don't have an answer I'd like to say at this point in our

[00:21:47] relationship I'm here because of who he is on the inside but I do believe that to be my answer

[00:21:53] I am human and I am flawed maybe there is a thing he could do but I can't think of anything I know

[00:21:59] it seems like I stretch my ears from a 14g to a 10g very quickly you would be correct I read

[00:22:05] several articles stating that I should wait a month or so I've also read several posts from

[00:22:10] people with stretched ears that said listen to my body I went bore anyone with the details

[00:22:15] but I opted to listen to my body finally to the user concerned about stretched ears in my line of

[00:22:20] work it's not a hazard I assure you my GM and a couple of my colleagues have gauges and have never

[00:22:27] had a dog almost ripped one your comment made me chuckle because if anything we're all more

[00:22:32] concerned about dogs kicking our toes than damage to our body slash body mods and I regret not

[00:22:37] replying before I lost it in the sea of comments but now I'm going to turn this one to you

[00:22:44] guys what do you guys make of this situation how would you react if your partner had something

[00:22:50] similar done would you think it would affect you in any way or not maybe you're totally fine with it

[00:22:56] let us know your thoughts down in the comments below they're just a huge thank you from the

[00:23:01] bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's stories you'll love your support your time

[00:23:06] always means the absolute world to me so thank you so much for being involved and hopefully

[00:23:10] I'll see you in the next one take care and much love

[00:24:10] slash a cast that's 1800 flowers comm slash a cast