My Sister Keeps Invading My House With Her Family For Holidays - I Got Her Back r/Relationships

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories of course. And if you do love a Reddit story why not consider it a like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from the PettyRevenge subreddit. Yes you heard that right. From CatlessBoyMum who says, Just Desserts.

[00:00:28] For over 20 years I have hosted holidays at my place. My sister and her family moved out of state but are close enough to come back for each holiday. Sounds great right? Well, not so much. Sister and her family always go to her in-laws place for the big meal. And since her mother-in-law is not a great cook, they just pick up the food that invade my place for leftovers. AKA the entire meal afterwards. Now, you're probably thinking, what's the big deal right?

[00:00:57] Well, the big deal is that it's gotten to the point my recipe for mashed potatoes starts with a 10 pound bag of potatoes. The turkey barely fits in the oven. The sides take up the entire counter. And I use an entire quarter cream for just desserts. It's a huge undertaking. And not only does sister not contribute financially. She never even has the decency to let me know whether they are coming or when.

[00:01:23] This year I text the family that my kids were going to make the meal for just us. And if anyone wanted to join us afterwards, I'd have dessert and only dessert to share. As usual, I got a text from everyone else but nothing from sister. Rather than trying to chase her down, I assumed she'd gotten the message and went on with my plans.

[00:01:43] The time comes and the kids put on a lovely meal. We eat and enjoy ourselves and pack up the leftovers. A few family showed up over the next hour and we chatted happily. Then it happens. The car's pulling into the driveway. Sister's family has arrived. They invade in usual style, going around giving quick hugs before heading for the kitchen. It took less than 30 seconds before she's out. Trying to be polite since there are still others there.

[00:02:13] To ask where the food is. I said, aren't the pies on the counter? The bread pudding is in the crockpot. The sauce is on the stove. She replied, yes, but where's the food? At this point, the others starting to catch up on what's up and trading glances. I said, I told everyone that we're only doing desserts. Did you not get the message? She replied, you know we can't actually eat at mother-in-law's house. We were counting on eating here before we drive back.

[00:02:41] I replied, well, I think there should be fast food open somewhere between here and your place. Opie continues. Her adult kids were trickling out of the kitchen at this point looking around as if a turkey dinner is going to magically appear out of thin air and everyone else is practically holding their breath waiting to see what happens. She spewed out some not so nice comments about how they're probably not going to find anything open and it was my fault they were going hungry.

[00:03:09] Told the kids to grab something to eat in the cars and stomped out. I don't know who lost their composure first, but I think it was my uncle who cracked and started laughing. Once we calmed back down, the rest of us had quite the nice evening and enjoying just desserts. The absolute cheeky so-and-sos just coming around for the food like that and just seemed to have no care about anything else.

[00:03:36] They just wanted the food and it just reminded me one of my favorite Christmas films is Christmas Vacation. And it's my favorite because it was my dad's favorite. Watching him laugh when they go down on the chrome saucer things that they go sledging on. Watching him laugh about that absolutely had me in bits. But all I could picture of that with them pulling up on your drive is the scene where the family member pulls up with the RV and just sort of makes himself at home in there drinking loads of eggnog and the dogs eating stuff.

[00:04:05] It just reminded me of the chaos of that scene. But Opie comes in with an update and says, My kids got word from their cousins that there was quite the blowout from my sister on their way home. Bad enough that all the kids ended up in one car so they didn't have to listen to her. I am of course devastated. Okay, not really by her reaction. My text for Christmas desserts drop-in read something like this.

[00:04:31] It was so great seeing all of you that dropped in for desserts on Thanksgiving. If you couldn't make it, know that you were missed. It worked out so well that we'd like to invite you all to drop by for desserts on Christmas Day as well. We will start at 2pm on Christmas Day. Drop in as you can. Everyone is invited for caroling and cocoa on Christmas Eve as well. We will be leaving at 6pm and it should only be about two hours.

[00:04:56] If you are going to attend either or both, please let me know which and how many people to plan for by the 15th. Love you all. Most of the family text back right away. I didn't get a text from sister. Shocking, I know. What I did get was a phone call on the 19th and one on the 23rd to let me know that it isn't worth the extra drive time for desserts. Keep in mind the extra drive time is 15 minutes or so each way. Obviously this was an attempt to wrangle a meal invite.

[00:05:26] I'm quite proud of myself for just saying that I was going to miss her and her family and hope they had a Merry Christmas anyway, both times. This summer I had spent a fair amount of time thinking that I wanted to make myself a throw blanket like the one I was making for sister for Christmas. After the call on the 19th, I took that lovely blanket out of the gifts and replaced it with a book of holiday recipes.

[00:05:48] Since I was feeling extra petty, instead of making a nice book, laminated and illustrated pages, properly bound, I printed out the pages on plain paper and stapled them together. I mailed it Christmas Eve, so should be getting it in the mail in a few days. Oh, you spicy so-and-so. Her adult kids, on the other hand, had decided that dealing with their mom was a pain and they'd be coming by for desserts without telling her.

[00:06:16] It was a rather nice surprise to get that text on the 14th. On Christmas Day, they even managed to get their teen brother in the car before she noticed as they were leaving. Funny thing, they all got their regular Christmas presents from under the tree when they arrived. They also got an abundance of texts from their mother having an absolute fit that they had come to my house. The funniest one was her telling them that she and their father were driving home without them, as if that somehow was a punishment.

[00:06:43] Insert eye roll of everyone present here. If you're wondering what recipes I chose to include in the cookbook, it's the 25 pages of just desserts. Honestly, I couldn't resist. Edit to add, the kids were absolutely hysterical as they took turns reading out the angry texts they were receiving. And a little update. It's the new year, January 3rd, and still haven't heard a word directly from my sister.

[00:07:11] I got a text from my niece wanting to know where I purchased the hair accessories I gave her for Christmas. Evidently, sister wants to buy her some. It's been over a decade since I actually bought a Christmas gift for anyone other than my children. Every single one has been handmade. But I guess she never noticed. Insert screaming here. Lucky for me, unlucky for her, the stones I used this year and last were all of that kind I had.

[00:07:39] So even if I wanted to, I couldn't be suckered into making her a set. Not that I'd be willing to make her anything at all for a very long time. The ungrateful wench. I'm really glad that the adult kids in this situation have broken free thinking that, you know, everything has to go through mum. And that you all just got to spend a lovely time together. And it does sound absolutely lovely to be invited around for just desserts. Hell yeah. Hot chocolate too.

[00:08:08] And a little bit of singing. Count me in. But OP there. Towards the end. That they, in the cookbook and they revealed it was 25 pages of just desserts. It was just like, mwah. Perfect. But what do you guys make of this situation? I really enjoyed that one. Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story.

[00:08:34] Now our next story comes from the Am I Overreacting subreddit from ZT0141. And it says, Am I Overreacting? Girlfriend, female 27, is wanting me, male 31, to attend her work's corporate party as a plus. And I don't feel comfortable with it. My, male 31, girlfriend, female 27, of roughly two and a half years' work, is planning their usual annual company Christmas party.

[00:09:00] Where employees and their partners and spouses, optional but supposedly preferred, are invited to attend for an overnight stay, meal, party, open bar, etc. I've never been to the previous events due to a work commitment last year and the year prior. We were still quite a new couple. She works for a large nationwide recruitment agency. And each year, a different city's office hosts and those not from that region normally stay in a fancy hotel booked by the company.

[00:09:28] They're in the process of confirming the total number of guests. And she'd like me to go. As a heads up, we are very open and communicate well, I'd say. She's told me that, prior to us dating, on our first work's Christmas party. After a few drinks, she went to an after party in one of the guy's hotel rooms. And engaged in a threesome with two dudes from her office as a bit of a bucket list experience. After thinking about it, I've said to her I'd rather give it a miss. But I'm totally happy for her to go on her own.

[00:09:57] She's told me it's important to her from a career perspective as it's good for her image. Get to meet in person with people she works with from other regions and can socialize with the senior management. And that nearly everyone's from work's partners attend. We have still been arguing all this week and I've been accused of not supporting her career as I've never attended her previous work events. Being immature and shaming her. I really honestly don't think any of this. It was something she'd done prior to meeting me.

[00:10:27] We do hold differing views on sex as for me it's always been something special. Whereas she views sex as something that's just a bit of fun. This isn't an issue and has actually been good for us as we've learned a lot from each other. I'm even comfortable with the fact that she still works alongside these two guys. I know she's had a lot more sexual partners than me. But as she has always viewed casual sex when she was single as a bit of fun. And I know deep down it wasn't meaningful. Accepting a sexual history is one thing.

[00:10:57] People are entitled to a sex life. I'm cool with that. The past is the past but this feels different. As it feels like the present and socializing at the same party with my girlfriend and the two males that have been intimate with her is a different task. It makes me awkward and uncomfortable. I thought it would be easier to say I'm not attending. Having asked if others at her work knew. She said yes as one or both of the guys did spread rumors afterwards.

[00:11:24] And also has been office banter and nicknames about it. She said it doesn't bother her. She's confident and the type that would own it. The place gives me finance bro vibes. The thought of shaking hands, making small talk and share a table for meal with guys who've had sex with my girlfriend is difficult. The context we're in a good place, rarely argue and have recently been talking about marriage, having kids etc. And really have a great relationship all around.

[00:11:51] And do not want to do anything that would harm her relationship or career. I posted about my situation on another subreddit. But feel like here might be more helpful. Am I overreacting? Turns out strangers on the internet are actually very helpful. The first commenter said to OP. Honestly, I do think this is something you need to work through. Maybe you can avoid going this year.

[00:12:14] But if she stays with this company at some point, her fiance or husband's refusal to ever go to a work event is going to impact her reputation. I think it's better for you to just get it over with and see that it's really more something you've built up in your head. Perhaps it would help if you tried not thinking of it as socializing. These kind of events are essentially mandatory for her. And your behavior or refusal to show up does reflect on her. She's not asking you to be best friends with these men. Just be polite in a professional setting for a short time.

[00:12:46] OP responds saying thank you for your response. I do understand not attending prior or future events as a spouse is bad for a reputation. Although I feel the previous were valid reasons. Her being honest about it is appreciated. But I'm just trying to get over the social awkwardness that I've built up in my head. And she says she was a consenting partner in that threesome. By being upset or unwilling to go to a place because of the other two partners, you are undermining her choice in agency as a person.

[00:13:15] What if you wanted her to attend the wedding where your ex was present? It's not the sexual partner. It's the fact that it was a threesome and you're kind of making moral judgments. Plus also afraid the two guys will think they have something over you. Is that correct? OP says well yeah, I'd say you're mostly right. However, it's not the act of her choosing to be a part of the threesome itself. I'm judging. She was single at that time. It's just more difficult because it was a threesome. There are just more numerically more ex-sexual partners to be around.

[00:13:44] That feels intimidating. I don't know if it's me feeling they have something over me that makes me nervous. I can accept their past and ultimately she's my girlfriend now. It's the attitude those two guys hold that could be a problem. As she's told me, they spread gossip of her encounter to others in the company. And use slut shaming type nicknames for her when they think she's not around. I feel uncomfortable and probably emasculated to hear that they said about her whilst I was there.

[00:14:10] Three months later, OP comes in with her first update and says hi everyone. Since there was a few update me comments on the original post and had a bit of spare time, I thought I could provide an update on the situation I posted about a while back. First of all, I really appreciate all the advice and feedback I received. Both positive and negative. It gave me a lot to think about. And it's also the ability to structure some important conversations between my girlfriend and I. To summarize the original posts, My girlfriend, female 27, and I, male 31,

[00:14:40] Have been together for nearly three years. She invited me to a company's annual Christmas party this year, Which would involve me needing to be social with co-workers, Including two guys she had a threesome with while it was a one night stand before we were dating. I wasn't uncomfortable with her sexual history itself, But I felt awkward about attending the party, And being in the same table and event with these guys. Especially since they still sometimes joke about it, And the use of what I considered disrespectful nicknames for her. On top of that, I was worried that there was a possibility

[00:15:09] I could end up being the butt of these jokes too, Which made the idea of attending feel even more uncomfortable. Initially, I declined to go, Which led to some tension and an argument between us. One point I just wanted to clarify based on some of the comments and DMs is That I'm not ashamed of her past at all. Before we started dating, I knew due to being part of an overlapping social group, She had a sex positive outlook, And she was open about the fact that she had been with around 50 guys. That was never an issue for me.

[00:15:39] We may well have different experiences, As I've only been with three long term girlfriends prior. But it wasn't something that held me back from Pursuing and starting a relationship with her, And not something that has ever been an issue. What made the situation feel different, Was that I'd be in a room, Possibly sat at the same table for dinner, With people who were still actively referencing that past experience. I've never had to deal with that face to face, And the idea that some of those same people making jokes with me in the room, Or even about me,

[00:16:08] Made the situation feel more socially uncomfortable. So, update. After some deep conversations, And listening to each other's point of view, My girlfriend helped me understand her perspective more clearly. She expressed that being the only person from her office without a partner, Would make her feel awkward, And isolated, And possibly lacking social support during the event. She was also surprised, And somewhat upset when I changed my mind about attending. As it raised a small doubt, That I was viewing this with the idea of shaming her.

[00:16:37] We also had a constructive conversation about her views on sex positivity. Her confidence in celebrating that part of her life, Has helped me have a different perspective. She reassured me that any teasing and nicknames at work, Don't bother her. So why should it bother me? Any terms like, Slurs, Should not be seen as insults. Instead, Something to be proud of, And offer her an ability to own and reclaim a woman's sexuality without shame. Especially since men involved in stuff like that, Are held to a different standard than her.

[00:17:07] If she can be proud of herself, Or confidently stand in by her choices, Then I realize I should wholeheartedly support that as well. Anyway, I've decided to go to the event. I still have some reservations, But I realize it's important to show my support in her work life. I trust her, And if she's comfortable in that environment, I want to be too. At the end of the day, I'm happy of how open and unapologetic she is about her views. And I don't want to let my discomfort, Or something as trivial as the possibility of being the target of jokes,

[00:17:37] Getting the way of supporting her fully. We've had some great discussions about careers, Sex, Relationships, Women, And society, That have only made our relationship stronger. Thanks again for all the advice. It's been a huge help. Laxam Mayerford says, What kind of assholes would talk about that encounter at work? If you're going to be with her long term, You will need to be at these types of events. If those two make any comments, The easiest is to act like you didn't hear it. Any more of that,

[00:18:07] You could quip about how she would mention how shitty they were in bed, Or say how you look forward to sharing this story with their next girlfriend. Whatever you do, You cannot appear like you were fazed by it. Opie says, From what I know, The company is very much a finance bro vibes, And these guys come across as bragging douchebags. But just because they view something like this the way they do, Doesn't mean everyone else should. They should be held to the same standard as her, For doing the same thing.

[00:18:34] Five months after the original first post, Opie comes in with another update and says, Hi all. I previously posted about how I was apprehensive about attending my girlfriend's Christmas party, As a plus one. As I thought it would be awkward for me, As she previously had a threesome with two guys from her work, When single at another company event. Now that I'm off work, And the various festivities and hangovers are finally gone, I've had a bit of time to process and write an update about this work party,

[00:19:02] That I previously felt apprehensive about. After posting here, Could I please state that obviously I appreciated Any positive messages and DMs that have helped me. However, Could the bombardment of negative DMs about my relationship Please stop. Obviously. After talking to my partner, We decided it would be good for us to attend the night as a couple. I've gotten over my own issues and mindset. Any awkwardness is my own doing, And that our own past choices that she is happy with, Are not something that I, As a supportive partner,

[00:19:32] Should be holding against her. Or something that stops our relationship progressing. Anyway, Anyway, The venue was pretty fancy, In a nice hotel decked out for Christmas, With decent food, Live music, And an open bar. Which helped. To be honest, My work nights out are pretty low key in comparison, And also was good to get a free meal, A night away. Meeting her co-workers went about as well as could be. Since my girlfriend works in a company with different teams, In different cities, The tables were arranged like this for the meal.

[00:20:01] So we ended up sitting with her team, Including the two co-workers I'd been worried about. Most people were friendly and welcoming, Although I do have to admit, The company does have that finance bro vibe I thought it would have. There is a lot of younger people on good salaries, With large commission bonuses, Who I can see are quite competitive, And admittedly, The type of person and environment isn't my scene. I'd find it pretty toxic, But I get it's not my industry, And that's the way these companies work. After the meal,

[00:20:30] We then moved on to the free bar for the evening, For everyone else to mingle. One of the guys was surprisingly easy to get along with. He was with his partner, And he came across as genuine, And didn't try to make anything awkward. Introduced himself politely, And afterwards chatted for 5-10 minutes at the bar with me, About normal stuff like work and football. Nothing that would be uncomfortable for any of us. Honestly seemed like a decent guy. The other guy, I felt was a different story.

[00:20:59] He wasn't rude or anything, But there was an energy about him that rubbed me the wrong way. He was there on his own, More happy to chat directly with those, He already keeps company with, And had this cocky vibe. At one point he did make a comment, Which I could have interpreted as a dig, But it was vague, And wasn't something I would justify with a reply if it was. The biggest thing for me, Was that the people who said I shouldn't go were wrong. I had this fear that we could be the target of jokes, Or that people would see me as weak, For being uncomfortable about the situation.

[00:21:30] But that didn't happen. Most people either didn't know, Or didn't care about any past. And if they did, They were respectful enough to leave it alone. The advice I got here, About showing up for your significant other, And focusing on our relationship, Instead of what others might think, Turned out to be spot on. The only thing that really mattered, Was how she felt, And I felt about the night. And she was over the moon that I was there. She told me afterwards how much it meant to her, Not going on her own. And honestly, That made any awkwardness,

[00:21:59] I felt totally worth it. There is a lot going on in this one story, And I feel like I might take some flack for this one, But always 100% happy to be educated, So take that as you will. And I'm all for sex, Positivity, Etc, Etc. But I was just thinking about like, The whole career and professionalism, I've never been in an environment like that myself, But, You know, It's a good thing if that's what you want,

[00:22:27] But then to have a threesome with people at your workplace, Just seems like very odd decision making to me. Sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. And what kind of fucking professional workplace is this? You've got people running around, Slut shaming others within the building. And I just didn't feel like it was actually about being sex positive, Or supporting her career. I felt like, Very much you do you, If that's what makes you happy, Etc. But,

[00:22:57] I felt like she was expecting her partner to endure, You know, Something that was incredibly uncomfortable, Because the actual problem isn't being addressed, Which is her toxic workplace, Where people are disrespecting her, Spreading sexual rumours, And there was hints when he did go to this party, That one guy was still being cocky, And making digs, Whatever it was. That's workplace harassment, And it just has to be accepted. No fucking way. I'm not saying she should be ashamed of her sexual history, Or anything like that. I mean,

[00:23:26] You have as many threesomes as you like, You do you. But, I would advise you don't do it with your co-workers. I personally thought that, You know, He was okay to feel uncomfortable, Given what was going on in this story. For me, It felt, I felt a bit sad that he was pressured to attend like that. But what do you guys make of this situation? How do you feel about it? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now, Just a huge thank you for being here today, Getting involved in the stories, Your love, Your support, Your time.

[00:23:55] It always means the absolute world to me. So, Thank you so, So much for being involved. And hopefully, I'll see you in the next one. Take care, And much love.