My Roommates Boyfriend Tested Me And Then Turned It All On Me r/Relationships

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider? Hit that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from wholesome Ario from the Am I the Arsehole here subreddit and it says, Am I the arsehole for refusing to let my roommate's boyfriend live with us after he tested me.

[00:00:29] I, 19 female, live with my roommate. Let's call her Ashley, 20 female, in a small two-bedroom apartment. We've been friends since high school and decided to split rent when we both started college. Things were fine at first but then she started dating Jake, 22 male. At first, he was over just a couple of nights a week, which I didn't mind.

[00:00:52] But over the past few months, he's basically moved in. Eating our food, using our stuff and not contributing a single dime to rental bills. I finally had enough and told Ashley that Jake either needed to start paying his share or stop practically living here. She apologized and said she'd talk to him. I thought that was the end of it. Fast forward to last week. I was getting ready to head out to a late night study group when Jake cornered me in the kitchen.

[00:01:22] He told me he wanted to test me to see if I'd be a good person to live with full time. I was confused and asked what he meant. He said that if I wanted him to pay rent, I had to prove I was roommate material by showing I could handle sharing the space with someone like him. He then gave me a list of rules he'd want me to follow if he officially moved in. Things like doing my share of the cooking, even though I already make my own meals.

[00:01:48] Not bringing any guys over. I'm single, but why is that even relevant? And being respectful of his gaming time by keeping the wifi free during his streams. I laughed in his face and told him there was no way he was moving in. He got pissed and told Ashley I was being unreasonable. She confronted me and said Jake was just testing the waters and that I should have been more open to the idea.

[00:02:13] She accused me of being jealous because I'm single and suggested I was trying to sabotage their relationship. Now she's saying if I can't be supportive, then maybe she should get a new roommate. One who respects her relationship. I think this is completely insane. But Ashley and a couple of her friends are siding with Jake. They're calling me selfish and controlling. Am I the asshole refusing to let him move in after his ridiculous test?

[00:02:41] I wonder if the friends saw the list that he supplied to you. It's just like it all comes across as very manipulative and controlling behavior. He's like essentially been a squatter in your place and is trying to create rules for someone whose name is on the lease. Trying to restrict OP from having visitors, a boyfriend. And like I said, the manipulation of trying to switch the whole thing around on OP, getting the friends involved, etc. He knows exactly what he's doing there.

[00:03:11] But no cod says not the asshole. Jake's behavior is a major red flag. His test shows controlling tendencies and lack of respect for your boundaries. The apartment is yours and Ashley's and has no right to set rules or test you. His demands about cooking, visitors and wifi usage are completely inappropriate. Your original request was reasonable. Either he pays rent or stops living there rent free. Most leases have guest policies limiting overnight stays.

[00:03:40] Ashley is being manipulated here. Jake moved in without permission, uses resources without contributing and now tries to establish dominance by setting rules in an apartment where he doesn't even pay rent. Stand firm on your boundaries. Document everything. Check your lease about guest policies. Consider talking to your landlord if this continues. Remember, you signed a lease with Ashley, not Jake.

[00:04:05] His attempt to test you is just a power play to establish control over your shared living space. OP replies saying thank you for the advice. I will start to document everything from now on. Any other advice I should do as well. Ivy says if you don't already have one, put a lock on your bedroom door. Gorilla Boy says so he thinks he can come in as a third wheel and then start making demands and stupid rules. Sounds like he's not the roommate material.

[00:04:34] Tell Ashley that if he's paying one third, that doesn't mean he gets priority. How dare he make demands when he's an equal partner in expenses? Especially for gaming for crying out loud. OP says yeah, he gets really emotional when it comes to his gaming time. OP came in with their update and said hi everyone. It's been a wild ride since my original post and I wanted to give an update because a lot has happened. First off, I want to thank everyone who commented. It helped me see things in a completely new light.

[00:05:04] Honestly, I didn't even realize how much I was being gaslighted by Jake and Ashley until I read some of your insights. I thought they were my friends, but now I see how manipulative and toxic their behavior really is. Maybe I just hated the thought of not having any friends, but who needs enemies with these kind of friends? Not gonna lie, it breaks my heart to realize this and I cried a lot, but that doesn't change anything. I don't know why I'm saying this. It's just been a really emotional day.

[00:05:33] Please forgive my rant. Since our confrontation, Jake has gone full victim mode. He's been telling mutual friends that I'm trying to ruin his life and kick him out of his girlfriend's apartment. Let me remind you, this man doesn't pay rent or contribute to any bills, so calling it his girlfriend's apartment is already laughable. He's been painting me as some controlling, jealous monster who can't handle his straightforward personality.

[00:06:00] Meanwhile, Ashley is eating it up and defending him, saying I'm overreacting and causing unnecessary drama. What's worse is that I've started noticing just how much control Jake has over Ashley. She's completely brought into his narrative and is now acting like I'm the enemy. For example, she told me last night that my attitude is making it hard for them to feel comfortable in their own home. Their home.

[00:06:24] This apartment is 50% mine, but suddenly I'm being treated like an unwelcome guest. I've decided I've had enough. I've already documented everything. His constant presence, his freeloading and now his smear campaign. I'm reaching out to my landlord this week. Most leases have clauses about long term guests and Jake has already overstayed his. As for Ashley, I don't know if there's any saving our friendship.

[00:06:51] I'm heartbroken because I thought she cared about me, but now I realize she's supporting Jake's abusive behavior. Thank you to everyone who opened my eyes to what was really happening. I'll post another update once I've spoken to my landlord and taken further action. But now I'm just trying to reclaim my space and my peace of mind. Also, I want to thank you for just caring and being there. This is what I needed to hear and you were all honest and fair with me.

[00:07:18] I'm very grateful for the support I got that I couldn't get anywhere else. So thank you. Lily White says, nice that you're standing up for yourself and your right to a peaceful living space. Opie says, I realized the night after I posted that I didn't feel safe anymore without a locked door. That was my sign I really needed to listen to the advice. Curious Josh says, good for you for standing up for yourself.

[00:07:41] For your information, a 22 male should almost be graduating college, not freeloading off a 19 female girlfriend, demanding no one uses internet during his gaming time. This guy's a walking red flag. Opie responded saying, and he's not even a good player. Lol, I'm joking. I have no idea. But he gets angry all the time and screams at his screen and throws stuff across the room. Another red flag right there. Crag Hack says, good luck.

[00:08:09] Unfortunately, Jake seems like a good manipulator. So he might've gotten Ashley on board with his narrative. Don't mean she is without guilt. Just mean she might've started as a friend. But even if she isn't that now. I'd look for your own apartment. As long as they are in your life, your home will unfortunately not be a safe zone. Good luck with everything. Opie says, yes. I think she got blinded by love. I'm in no place or mood to judge her. I will probably move out and see if my friendship to her can remain.

[00:08:37] I don't plan to see Jake anymore. And I think in this situation, I'd probably go along with Opie and get out of that apartment as soon as possible. I know it's not the ideal situation because you shouldn't have to move out of an apartment you're renting because of someone else's behavior. Absolutely. But in some cases, you know, I think it's one of those situations where you just pick your battles.

[00:09:00] I think Opie could put her foot down, but it's just going to be continued bullshit from this couple and trying to worm Jake in in some way, shape or form. Can you imagine what it would be like if he did move in the expectations leaving a mess and probably expecting everyone else to clean up after him, etc? Yeah, sod that. Get out, find your peaceful place, live happily and then watch the shit show from a distance.

[00:09:28] Because at some point down the road, that is going to be a shit show, let me tell you. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Now our next story comes from the UniMermaid from the Am I the Asshole subreddit and it says Am I the Asshole for not eating a Thanksgiving dish. I suspect it was made last year.

[00:09:57] Ah, damn, here we go. Long time lurker, first time poster. But I'm so baffled about this situation, I need a non-biased perspective. My husband and I, 30-ish, have a quite large family. His parents, his two siblings plus spouses and kids. My divorced parents and their new spouses plus my siblings and their spouses and kids. All together we are well over 20 people so family gatherings can be overwhelming for the person hosting.

[00:10:25] And yes, my divorced parents and their new spouses get along fine and there's no drama. Last night we celebrated Thanksgiving and as a family tradition, everyone brings a dish. Usually we communicate with each other so that way everyone is making different types of food. My sister-in-law, wife and my brother said that she was going to bring her mum's famous sweet potato casserole. I thought it was very nice of her since her mum passed away this year and she was honouring her memory by making a recipe.

[00:10:54] However, once I saw her dish, I truly think she brought last year's leftovers. Instead of a big pan, she brought several small and medium containers of sweet potato casserole. Although it did not smell weird, it was very dry and it just didn't look like a regular one. I didn't try it and discreetly told my husband my concerns, who also did not try it.

[00:11:19] Once Thanksgiving was over, my mother called me saying that my sister-in-law was upset because she noticed I didn't try a dish. I told my mother about my fears and she said that I'm just being too picky with food and there's no way a frozen casserole could last a year without having mould. I pointed that the several containers could mean she cut the good parts and left the mouldy ones. After an awkward silence, we decided to agree to disagree and hang up.

[00:11:46] I feel bad for my sister-in-law, but I truly could not bring myself to eat something I'm not 100% sure is safe. So, am I the arsehole? Obviously, I'm a Brit. Thanksgiving isn't a huge thing. Some people do sort of like something similar on those days, but I imagine that they're big things and everyone bringing a dish, there's lots of food there. So, I kind of find it weird in itself and you know, you have to correct me if I'm wrong here, but you're not expected to try every single dish, right?

[00:12:16] Obviously, during the Thanksgiving period, there were loads of pictures on social media of people around the table with food. And I'm telling you, these tables were like massive. They were full of food. I kind of found it weird in itself, the expectation that you have to have a bit of everything. I mean, I would love to try everything, but you know, my stomach's only so big. But Bujo says, not the arsehole. Let's say for argument's sake that the casserole was made yesterday, on Thanksgiving.

[00:12:43] If you just decided you didn't want sweet potato casserole, you'd still be in this situation and you'd still be justified in not eating it. Either way, the person who made the dish should not be closely monitoring who took some. That's very strange. The point of a big meal with multiple dishes is that you don't have to eat from every dish if you don't want to. Reasons for not doing so do not need to be given.

[00:13:10] Pizza sauce says, yesterday, add rolls, stuffing, sweet potato casserole, pecan pie, pumpkin pie, apple pie, green... How many pies? Green bean casserole, orange jello salad, orange j... What the? Just had to Google that. That actually looks quite good. I was expecting sort of like an orange jelly on top of like leaves and stuff. I was like, what the fuck? Turkey, ham, water, coke, broccoli, cheese, rice and mashed potatoes. I did not eat any... Tofurky?

[00:13:39] Tofurky? Cheesy peas, vegetarian stuffing, banana pudding, chips with dip, baked beans, ice cream, sweet tea, unsweetened tea, lemonade, mac and cheese, Hawaiian rolls and a few other sides I can't recall. No one said a thing to me about what I didn't eat. Oh, dearie me. I'm full just reading that list. OP came in with an update a few hours later and said,

[00:14:02] After spending my whole morning reading and answering your comments, I decided to pass by my mother's house and have an in-person talk with her. I read her some of the comments on the original post and she thinks the internet is a strange place.

[00:14:43] She's not wrong. I guess some time before her passing, sister-in-law and her mum had made several family recipes as a bonding experience. The casserole was one of the staple recipes and my sister-in-law had froze several containers of it. On Thanksgiving week, she thawed some of it and tried to replicate the taste without luck. I guess the pressure of making it for us got the best of her and she got more and more frustrated as the date approached.

[00:15:10] On Thursday, she finally gave up and decided to just reheat the one she had frozen. As to why my sister-in-law noticed that I didn't eat her dish. Apparently, in prior years, I had complimented the casserole as this is the best one I've ever tried. So this year, she was expecting some comments and was sad when I didn't even try it. I apologized and told her I was really sorry that I hurt her feelings. She apologized for singling me out.

[00:15:35] We told her to rest and in the meantime, me, my mother and brother, we cleaned the kitchen, tidied the house and mum made her soup. Ayako, if I pronounced that correctly, if you know, you know. My mum decided to stay but I left a bit after everything was done and everyone was calm. As a goodwill gesture, I'm getting my sister-in-law a mini spa day that I think she will enjoy and help her feel better. So, that's pretty much it. No big fight. No big dramatic scene. Sorry. Not sorry.

[00:16:05] Thank you for all your opinions. I'll be more thoughtful of people's feelings but I will not eat something I don't want to just to please someone. No reports that anyone got sick by the way. Lastly, does my mother think frozen food can get moldy? She claims she said it in the heat of the moment and because I was annoying her. She knows cooking is not my forte so she thought I had no good comeback to that. I opened her freezer and there's only meat and ice cream. So, who knows at this point. But now, I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:16:35] What do you guys make of this situation? Mixture of comments on this one. Some people talking about the food situation. Other people saying, you know, it's a happy ending in the grand scheme of things. But what do you guys make of it? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Let's move on to another story. And we got another story from the Am I the Asshole. Subreddit, Thanksgiving based of course. You know, always around this date. They always come flooding forward. This is from a throwaway account that says,

[00:17:03] Am I the Asshole for leaving in the middle of Thanksgiving dinner because of pumpkin pie? My 32 female mother, 60 female host Thanksgiving dinner at her house every year. It's a small event with my parents, me, my brother's family and my sister-in-law's family attending. We avoid family quarrels by implementing a strict, no politics rule and trying our best to be civil. I should probably mention that we are not a particularly close-knit family.

[00:17:30] We rarely see each other beyond these events since my brother lives in South Africa and I travel a lot due to my work. Thanksgiving is important to my mum since it's one of those rare times we're all together. Anyway, the main problem I have with my mother is her constant critique of me. She has a habit of making passive-aggressive comments about my life choices. From my career to my lack of children to the way I dress. I've addressed this with her multiple times but she doesn't really seem aware of it.

[00:17:58] My father claims it's just her way of fussing and expressing that she cares. It does hurt though, because my brother is never criticised in the same manner. I cannot entirely falter for her criticism since I did majorly mess up my life a few months ago. Depression. And it has affected her opinion of me negatively. It does not excuse the way I acted but I just wanted to explain why I left. By the time we finished dinner, I was a bit prickly because of some of her commentary. I made a cake for dessert.

[00:18:27] I was explicitly put in charge of it and no one specified what exactly I should make. So I opted for a maple cheesecake. I did my best and I think it looked okay. Mum normally makes pumpkin pie but I really hate pumpkins. They make me gag so I thought perhaps we could try something new. As I was bringing out the cheesecake, my mum eyed it somewhat warily and announced she decided to make the usual pie as well. This caught me off guard. I asked why she didn't tell me beforehand and she said something like,

[00:18:57] Well, we figured you'd do your own thing so I thought it'd be best to have a backup. She went on to cut the pie and serve it to everyone, instructing me to leave the cheesecake in the kitchen. When someone asked to try my dessert, she said, Let's not mix too many flavors at once, which just felt passive aggressive. I know it's immature for an adult to get this upset over triviality. But I just politely refused as she was handing me a slice of pie, retrieved my coat and left.

[00:19:26] People were calling after me, I think. But by that point, I was crying for some reason and it would have been too humiliating to have an emotional outburst in front of everyone for no real reason. My mum just texted me saying that it was incredibly rude and immature of me to leave like that, especially on Thanksgiving. My brother also sent me a message saying I'm acting irrationally. I feel horrible for leaving so abruptly, especially because my parents are getting older and we're already not close.

[00:19:52] Something about my mother seems to turn me into a neurotic teenager and I hate it. You've mentioned a couple of times that you're not close with your mum and let's just face the reason. It's there for us to see. We've just read it. It's because she's an arsehole and she has the bloody cheek to message you after saying that it was rude and immature of you. After all the shit she just pulled. As I always say in these family situations, you know, you know your family better than anyone. And I'm seeing a very, very small portion of your life here.

[00:20:21] But sometimes I think you just need to take a step back and ask yourself, what does this person actually bring to my life? And your dad's excuse for her behavior is bullshit as well. That's not showing she cares. That's not a way of fussing. And you didn't mess up your life. You're going through a particularly bad period and suffered with depression. And it affected her opinion of you negatively. Winds me right up.

[00:20:48] Let me tell you, mum knows exactly what she's doing in this situation. Purposely trying to bring you down. And you know, you don't have to put up with that shit. You don't have to have someone like that in your life. You did exactly the right thing for yourself in that moment. Get up and leave. Don't put up with that bullshit afterwards. You simply deserve people around you that love and support you. And I know it's not the point, but I would have chosen your cheesecake, OP. But Kuro says not the arsehole.

[00:21:16] If your mother's way of fussing and expressing that she cares, looks, sounds and feels like she's being a deliberately nasty person. And I'm guessing she's really just being a deliberately nasty person. Walks like a duck and all that. I tell your father this. Your mother premeditated the whole dessert thing right down to the kick in the teeth of excluding the dessert you made from the table. She got off on being cruel in this petty way for whatever warped reason. This kind of thing is no accident. And not care in any way.

[00:21:44] Golden boy brother can't see it because he is never the target. Dad is trying to see it through the best possible lens. Your mother won't admit to herself what she's really doing, even as she deliberately does it. That blindness doesn't mean she isn't doing it. JP History said not the arsehole. Your mom is the worst. Like seriously, the worst. God forbid anyone eat and then compliment your cheesecake. You are not crying for some reason. You are crying for a valid reason. You are not behaving irrationally.

[00:22:12] You are reacting with perfect rationality given your circumstances. Maybe take the rest of the holidays and give yourself some grace. Or spend them with a friend or family member that doesn't treat you like an inconvenience. From one black sheep to another, you deserve way better. And one more comment from Sky Complex who says not the arsehole. My mom pulled this shit on me too one Christmas. I was bringing desserts and she showed up with multiple pies. Luckily my sister and husband were on my side and no one ate her pie. My husband was furious.

[00:22:42] I'm so sorry you were all done in dealing with this and no one has your back. The best thing I ever decided to do for myself is to opt out of the family holidays. The year after this happened, I spent Christmas drinking pina coladas on a beach in Mexico. Highly recommended. Anyway, now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What would you do in that situation? I just, you know, from OP's perspective, I just don't see the reason to be there. There's no support. There's no love.

[00:23:11] And she's just being berated by her own mother. And like one of the comments says, golden boy brother has never been the target of any of this. So he's quite happy to sit there and let OP take it as well. And father just seems to brush it all under the carpet. You know, it's just the way she is. Say it with me guys. But family. Fuck that. Family are people that love and support you. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And just a huge thank you for being here today.

[00:23:40] Getting involved in the story, your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much. And hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.