My Mom's New Fiance Who's 24 Wants Me To Call Him Dad...I'm 35 r/Relationships

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:20] Now, this first story comes from Throwaway Son of Sands and get this title. My 35 male, mother's 58 female, new fiance wants me to call him dad. He's 24. How do I navigate this? Please buckle in because this is all so weird. I'm a 35 year old man and for some backstory, my dad died when I was 19, leaving my mum with me and my two siblings.

[00:00:50] I'm the oldest. It took some time but eventually my mum started dating again. We don't live together per se, but our house is back onto each other. And have a gate so it's pretty common for her to offer to do my laundry or me just go over for dinner or go look after our dog. That kind of stuff. Plus, me and my siblings go over there for dinner every other Friday night or so. A bit after she started, the men she's been dating have been getting younger and younger and I've never had a problem with them.

[00:01:18] She's been very open to me and my siblings that she wants to get married again. And we've always been supportive. At least after the initial shocks. The latest guy is by far the most serious and they've been dating since around last June. He proposed at the start of autumn and they want to get married next summer. Again, me and my siblings are fine with this because it's her life and we trust him. He's a nice guy and they clearly love each other. But anyway.

[00:01:48] So long and short is, this weekend, her fiance, let's call him Phil, calls me and asks if I could come over. I say sure. I'll be over after work and I assume he just needed help with some DIY stuff they're doing.

[00:02:02] When I get over there, he calls me sport and says we need to talk. I should mention this is something he does to me and my little brother, calling us things like kid, sport, scout, little buddy, or my personal favorite, calling us red and blue, seemingly out of nowhere. My brother is sturdy by the way. He tried it with my little sister, 28 too, and called her princess once, but he stopped when she just stared at him.

[00:02:33] So thing with Phil is that he reminds me a lot of Charlie Day's character in Horrible Bosses in that his sole ambition has always been to meet a girl, get married, and have a family. When he told me and my brother this, my brother made some joke about how maybe our mom's going to come short on the last part. And he got very upset, but they made up after. Anyway, so I go around and ask if my mom's around and he says no.

[00:02:57] It's just him and that we really need to talk man to man. I say sure, and he starts talking about how he's always wanted to be a father, etc. And raise a son to call his own. And then he drops this bombshell by saying, Now I know I can never replace your father, the man who made you, but it would mean the world to me if you could call me dad. I'll admit it. I sniggered a little. And then I knew he was serious because he looked like he was about to cry.

[00:03:26] And he didn't drop it either. I asked if he really meant it, and he got really emotional and started talking about what it means to be a man. And how his purpose is to have and provide for a family. And he wants me and my siblings to be part of that family. Like he reiterated, he'll never replace my father. And this did rub me the wrong way a bit. But he's ready to step up and be my dad, and provide and protect me and my siblings.

[00:03:52] And I'm just sat there thinking, Dude, I'm a decade older than you and live in a separate house. I don't need providing for, and even if I did, I don't think a guy a third of my age who works part-time at the hardware store and is into collecting manga is the man to do it. No offense if you're into that. Just, I don't know. I was a bit taken aback. I was in shock, so just said, okay. And he gets emotional again, but in a happy way. Talking about how he wants to go camping.

[00:04:21] Or go to a baseball game. I don't even like baseball. And how he joined the lines this year. And how he wants to bring me into it as his boy. Which just feels so surreal. Even more so, as I'm a shriner, so all of this talk of service and charity isn't the brag he thinks it is. Because again, I'm 10 years older than this guy. Well, I ended it by just saying, This has gotten a bit too weird, and I was going home. He got very upset, and I left.

[00:04:49] Called my brother, and he agreed it sounds weird as fuck. Later, my mom called me, and she wasn't disappointed, but admitted it made him very upset and depressed. I told her that if he's embarrassed, he doesn't need to be. I get he's excited about the marriage, and we could just laugh this off as a funny story. She then said that wasn't what he was upset about. He, as she to a bit, is upset about the fact that he poured his heart out, and I rejected him.

[00:05:16] She said, yeah, it's a bit kooky, but this is how he proves to himself he's a man. And I guess I was a bit angry and said something like, First off, it's not my job to certify what's between his legs. And second, this doesn't prove he's a man. Just proves he's a nutjob. I apologized immediately, but she didn't want to hear it, and hung up. She called back 10 minutes later, and we apologized, and she begged me to just go along with it, till he has some kids to call his own.

[00:05:43] I won't go into too much details here, but she sort of let it slip that they planned to try IVF treatment because she's not ready to give up on being a mum just yet. And while I have my own thoughts about whether or not that's a good idea, I'm not here to litigate on that. We finished up fine, and I reiterated I'd support her, and she agreed that it was definitely a stressful situation for me, but begged me to at least think about it, which leads me to here.

[00:06:12] I did think it over, and obviously I'm going to say no. I had a dad, and he died. Rest in peace, dad. And that's the only dad I've ever needed, I've ever wanted, and I'll ever bestow that title on. I'm not asking if someone's unreasonable or what I should do. More so, what I should say. This clearly means a lot for him, for some reason, and I deeply love my mum, so I want to try and minimize the damage. Especially as we're still so involved in each other's lives, and they live behind me.

[00:06:41] How can I make it clear to them, as painlessly as possible, that I think it's weird and borderline offensive? I really don't want to rip the band-aid off, because I fear what it might do to the family. Edit. Showed my brother the post, and he laughed so hard, he started coughing. Then he said we should call him Dr. Phil, and each other blue and red, so swap the nicknames he gave us around. Thoughts? Edit 2.

[00:07:17] So as always, we have some relevant comments on this. Raven Dork Holmes says, I wonder if he grew up without a dad. He's giving a weird 1950s energy to this whole thing that feels like he only knows about dads from seeing them on the telly. Hope he says, Oh no, his dad's still alive. Both his parents are. I've met them. They definitely feel odd about the whole situation, but go along with it for his sake. So I Felt Dizzy says,

[00:07:45] It seems your mom and her fiance may have found each other while both in deeply vulnerable states. So your instinct to keep being there for them may be right. A vulnerable person asking is different to a regular situation. But calling him Pa be a comprom- What? We're calling him Pa be a compromise, or step, or skip, or some version of his first name, such as Coach Tom, or Chief Wayne. If so, perhaps ask him if that would be okay with him. Maybe just a nickname that is his own.

[00:08:14] Maybe recognition enough of his relationship with your mom. Edits, I now think OP should get help with how to navigate this, and possibly brain scans for them. OP lives next door, and I thought he was asking for ideas to keep the peace for now, because of the lad's depression. It turned out to be much stranger than I thought. OP replies saying the thing is, it became apparent it's more than just a name to him. He explicitly wants to do father-son activities with me, and my brother with him as the dad, despite the fact that we're both older than him.

[00:08:44] Sweet Pepper says this, like, of course he feels like a child in this relationship and family. He's not going to feel like the man of the house in this situation. He's very unlikely to get his own child, so why is he sticking around? OP says, me and my siblings all think he has issues, talking to girls his own age, and so it led to this. Moa says, I would have laughed and said, uh, no kiddo, start over, because this isn't how this is going. I also get you're supporting your mum,

[00:09:13] but maybe question her having a kid at 58. Like, does she plan to be around for graduation, marriages, grandkids? It sounds like your mum is having some empty nest issues, and is illogically trying to start over. If she got pregnant today, she'd be 77 years old when her kid graduated. Considering she hasn't even started trying yet, that means she'll be in her 80s when the kid graduates. That isn't realistic. Also, I have a 5 and 7 year old, and I'm only 38 years old,

[00:09:42] and I already feel tired all the time. I can't imagine what a 58 year old would feel like. Rick Russell says, you just need to straight up tell him no. You can count it with encouragement. You appreciate that he cares about your mother, etc., but just hit him with a hard no. Don't negotiate over it. There is nothing to be gained here by trying to give him a soft landing. Anything other than a firm no is just feeding his delusion, and I believe that once he gets a concession, he's going to start making more demands.

[00:10:11] I don't know what his endgame is here. If it's a mental health problem, or he's trying to create some legal precedent that he intends to exploit later, but it doesn't matter. You don't need to explain, defend, or justify this decision. Opie says the endgame. I genuinely think he wants to start a family, or at least pretend he's the dad of one. Ever since we met him, it's all he'd ever go on about, and how he needs to be a dad to become a man. Very early on, he asked me if I ever planned to have kids, and I said no, and he got quite taken aback,

[00:10:41] like a mixture of offense and confusion, and sort of seemed to imply I'm either gay, I am, but shh, or trans, because I don't want to be a man then. Murky Perception says, Hope it works out in the long run, but I was laughing so hard by the end. Such a crazy situation. I think you should talk with your mom and maybe hang out with her fiance, but as bros, not some weird dad situation. Opie says, I have offered this, but every time me and my brother do, he definitely tries to act like

[00:11:10] the man of the group, or sets us up for more explicit father-son activities, or just talks about how desperate he is to be a father. A personal favorite was a time when he got his phone out and started reading some pearls of wisdom he obviously found online. Trapped in the Suburb says, yeah, she probably hasn't even been to a doctor, and is just imagining an unrealistic future based on internet articles and Hallmark slash Lifetime movies. Based on Opie's description of the couple's finances,

[00:11:39] they wouldn't be able to afford IVF even if it was possible. Opie says, yeah, she's not seen a doctor. This is purely stuff they've planned to do in the future. They've never mentioned money and my sister has worried they'll ask us to pay for it. This is one of those ones where I'm, I'm just lost for words really. But none of this should be encouraged. One of the comments saying that you should maybe come up with some other kind of name for him. No, don't do that. There is just issues all around

[00:12:08] and I just want to jump straight to the update because holy moly. Opie comes in with her update and says, original post and slightly amended the title for clarity. Anyway, so I told both my siblings and we agreed we'd collectively put our foot down with Phil at our next family dinner next week. Especially after an incident where Phil referred to my brother as sport and asked if he wanted to go and see a baseball game with him. Admittedly, I was a bit spurred on by what you all said and got involved. Pinging him back with ah,

[00:12:38] no tickets for me daddy. Ah, dear. And my brother responded with daddy wants me all to himself. Hot with a winking emoji. And Phil took a few minutes to respond before saying he was shocked, speechless and disgusted. He then messaged me in private to say he was utterly appalled and that he'd never disrespect his own father the way you boys did. I kinda lost it at this point and said, right, that's because you're not my father Phil. You're a 24 year old man child dating my mother.

[00:13:07] You have no right to my respect, especially not the respect the father gets. I immediately said sorry but then blocked his number and left the group chat. Apparently, he said the similar thing to my brother who responded with more daddy stuff and Phil blocked him. Well, that aside, I don't think family dinner is going ahead. After the original post blew up, it seems someone from his Lions Club found it and reported it to their chair or whatever and Phil has either been expelled or resigned

[00:13:37] or in the process of one of the two. He has removed nearly all mentions of the Lions from his social media and no longer mentions being a member with his last post on it being some cryptic goodbye post where he kind of drones on about what it means to be a man in the modern day and the duty of fatherhood bestowed on all men at birth. Really weird shit. My mum called me in a half panic, half in a rage after about the stuff I'd been telling about him before breaking down and saying we need to meet,

[00:14:07] which we did and got my brother to go over too. I know he has temporarily moved back in with his parents in the next town over but from my understanding they still want to go ahead with a wedding. I think that's more so because they've already spent money on it. When she said she was determined to have more kids, plural, my brother did step up and asked if she really thought that was a good idea at her age and I pointed out that assuming she had the baby next year and she lived to 80, they still wouldn't have finished college.

[00:14:36] She just stammered on about how people live longer these days before breaking down crying and admitting she's not ready to give up on mothering due to some deep seated trauma and fears about family breaking apart that I won't go into for her sake. When we reassured her that we weren't going anywhere, she calmed down and we had a very good honest conversation where she's agreed to drop the IVF stuff on the grounds that it'd be too expensive and unlikely to get greenlit. But she's still adamant it's scientifically possible and she should be allowed

[00:15:06] to do it from an ethical standpoint because she has to win that argument and has agreed to look into fostering instead. Me and my brother highly doubt anything will ever come of that so we're not worried anymore. The very good news is she's also agreed to look into therapy and psychiatric help to deal with her trauma and we've helped her get in touch with a nice lady in town to unpack all of this in a more healthy way. So at least one person is getting the help they need. I have no idea what's happened with Phil or what's going to happen with him

[00:15:36] but I did make it clear to my mom that he is not my dad and he's not even my stepdad. I'm not a kid and he's never going to be either one outside of legal fuckery. She relented pretty quickly. I think she's finally broken out of a shell at least and we've agreed that if things go ahead that's going to be a huge red line though I don't know if you want to be friends with me after all this. Anyway, thanks for the help on the original post-jaw. Edits, bit of an update as I can't respond to everybody but I think the marriage is off.

[00:16:05] Phil has gone AWOL again and had a huge argument with his family as they demanded he call off the wedding and date people his own age. This apparently made him snap. Me and my mom have met his mom and older brother who said Phil is very insecure around girls his own age and has never been able to talk to them hence his preference. This very deeply upset my mom and after some begging from all of us she has agreed to push the wedding back though she wants to keep dating him.

[00:16:35] I have no idea where Phil is though his brother assumes he's couch surfing with his D&D friends who have been sending me and my brother some not so nice messages. Clearly we're all jealous of the MILF hunter. If any of you socially inept fucks are reading this I don't need to chase middle-aged folk because I can talk to boys my own age like a normal person. Peace. All kinds of levels of unhealthy behavior all rolled into one story right there. It was like that guy like Phil he just watched

[00:17:05] every single TV program with a father-son relationship and thought I want that. Come on son let's go to the baseball game and you can have a little hot dog. Sit on my knee here. I was just trying to picture myself in that situation. Imagine being stood in the middle of a living room and you've got this 24 year old dude when you're like 30 odd and he's saying I'd like you to call me dad which is like get fucked mate no chance. But it was kind of like the casual attitude about everything in this post as well like the mum 58 date

[00:17:35] and the 24 year old guy it just it's screaming underlying issues which no one seemed to talk about but absolutely wild situation and regardless of whatever's going on in the story I hope people in it do seek some some help for the mental stuff that's going on. I think it's clearly needed and I do wish on that because otherwise you know they're going around and continuing the behavior that we're seeing displayed in this particular story which isn't good for no one really is it but now I'm going to turn this one

[00:18:04] to you guys what do you guys make of this situation let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's have one more story from the am I the arsehole subreddit from King Buggalug who says am I the arsehole for refusing to label my wedding cake as vegan because a guest felt tricked my husband 32 male and I 30 female had a vegan wedding because we're both vegan we made it clear in advance that the food and cake would be plant based

[00:18:33] and no one complained until the reception the cake was gorgeous three tiers decorated with edible flowers towards the end of the night one of my husband's aunts Linda came up to me looking visibly upset she said it was disrespectful to have a vegan cake on display because it felt like I was pushing my lifestyle on everyone I told her the cake wasn't meant to make a statement it was just a dessert we chose for our wedding she insisted I either moved the cake

[00:19:03] off the main table or add a sign saying it was vegan so people weren't tricked into eating it I refused because 1. it was my wedding 2. it's a cake not propaganda and 3. no one else seemed to care Linda ended up storming out and now my in-laws are saying I should have compromised to avoid drama I think Linda's reaction was ridiculous but my husband thinks I could have just put up a sign to keep the peace am I the arsehole absolutely not the arsehole I think any logical thinking

[00:19:32] person is gonna say not the arsehole and Linda is a burk it's as simple as that you know if I put myself in that position and I ate some cake and someone told me oh did you know that's vegan cake I'll be oh it still tastes lovely and I like cake what's the recipe for this delicious cake but blue-eyed wolf says not the arsehole the whole thing was vegan it was your wedding your choice I wouldn't feel tricked by eating a vegan cake at all she has some issues let her seethe and be upset you don't owe her anything

[00:20:02] putting up a sign would have rewarded her bad entitled behavior you had no reason to do it and on says not the arsehole the only things you're obligated to include are allergens dietary and religious food exemptions being vegan unless they're allergic to something like soy is not something you have to put in fact it's actually more time consuming to label something vegan because every ingredient has to be outright vetted to not be animal based to be legally labeled as vegan in the first place

[00:20:32] like kosher or halal these are the rules and guidelines you have to follow Linda being incredibly ridiculous and no a sign to appease people being dumb is not the answer this is the kind of person who would have complained sign or no sign by the sounds of it food testicle says not the arsehole should you also put up a sign if you serve broccoli they're not tricking anyone into eating something they're allergic to or tricking vegans into eating a non-vegan cake this is just absent of certain

[00:21:01] ingredients the horror what an absolute ridiculous thing to get upset over to be fair though if I was a guest at your wedding I would have probably enjoyed watching Linda get so upset about a vegan cake it would have made things entertaining but anyway what do you guys make of this situation let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and just a huge thank you for being here today getting involved in the stories your love your support your time always means

[00:21:31] the absolute world to me so thank you so so much and hopefully I'll see you in the next one take care and much love and I'll see you