My Mom Allowed My Stepsister To Plan My WHOLE 18th Party & None Of It Was For Me r/Relationships

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. Ooh, very cheeky. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:20] Now, our next story comes from tastyword2747 from the amitheassholehere subreddit. It says amitheassholehere for laughing in my mother's face when she said my stepsister planned my 18th birthday. A little background. My mom and dad separated when I was 6 and each went their separate ways. Of course they had joint custody of me, but they had both started new families.

[00:00:43] When I was 9 my mom married a man. Let's call him Robert, who already had a daughter. Let's call her Kira, who was 2 years older than me. My dad got engaged when I was 8 to a wonderful woman. Let's call her Layla, who he married when I was 12. My relationship with Layla is beautiful. She has truly been a mother to me. She basically helped my dad raise me. She takes an interest in my life. She comforts me. She gives me advice. We have common interests and we do many activities together.

[00:01:14] She and I recently talked about the possibility of having her legally adopt me as soon as I come of age. Doing so now would be a bit messy legally because of my parents' joint custody. Because for me, she is my real mother and I want it to be official. My relationship with my bio mother, on the other hand, is almost non-existent. Even though I was forced to spend specific days with her, we never managed to bond because she spent all her time giving attention and affection to Kira, who already has her own mother.

[00:01:43] Even when she tried to involve me in some activity, she always included Kira and we had to do only what Kira liked. At a certain point, I started to decline her invitations and often asked if I could avoid going to her on the set days.

[00:01:57] I was almost always ignored or left aside and I preferred to stay home with my father and Layla. My father always tried to understand me, but he also had to honour the rules set by the judge. When I got more mature, he admitted that he was afraid that my mother might make some mean move in court if he agreed to not let me go to her on the appointed days. Yeah, this is something my mother would do.

[00:02:21] After knowing this, I understood my father's reasons and I absolutely don't want to put him in trouble. So I didn't make such requests anymore and I respected my schedule. Now, let's get to the point. In two weeks, I will finally turn 18. I was lucky because my birthday falls on the days I have to stay with my dad. So he, Layla and I started planning my birthday a month ago.

[00:02:43] It'd be nothing too crazy, just a party with family and friends at my favourite pizza place. A casual night where I just want to have fun with the people I care about and do what I like. The place also has karaoke and I love singing. Of course, after booking and setting everything up, we sent out the invitations and this extended to my mother as well.

[00:03:04] Honestly, I didn't really want her there, but then I thought that this would actually be the last time I was forced to be involved with her because once I turn 18, I won't be forced to follow the judge's rules anymore. So we sent out the invitations two days ago and we already had almost all the answers. So we could organise the precise number to send to the pizza place.

[00:03:25] The only thing missing was my mother, who saw the text and did not respond. I told my father that I would not insist and if she did not respond that it meant she did not want to come and I was fine with that. I think my father was also a little relieved by the idea, even if he didn't say it openly, but I could see it on his face. Anyway, the drama started this afternoon. My mother called me, very angry, accusing me of being childish and that I shouldn't have planned anything without telling her first.

[00:03:56] This left me a little confused and I reminded her that I always planned all my birthdays with dad and Layla. Most of the time she didn't even remember, so complaining now was quite hypocritical. This made her even angrier and started attacking me because Kira had been crying ever since I sent the invitation to my mother because she had already planned a whole birthday party for me. And I was really speechless because the relationship between me and Kira is zero.

[00:04:22] She is the classic spoiled brat who always wants to be the centre of attention and my mother has always supported this behaviour of hers, making it worse. And clearly she and I have never gotten along. I just didn't understand why the hell Kira wanted to organise a birthday party for me. It didn't make sense. I asked her why she did it, and especially why she did it without telling me. I mean, she didn't really think I'd make any plans for my 18th birthday, right? It was ridiculous.

[00:04:51] My mother said it was supposed to be a surprise, and since I didn't tell her about my plans, she thought I didn't want to do anything for my birthday. And I mean, she could have asked, no? No. But here comes the worst part, and I admit, the one that made me lose my cool. My mother started listing all the things Kira had prepared for my party, maybe to rub in my face what I could have missed. And then they were all Kira's favourite activities. Things that I didn't like.

[00:05:19] She had booked a fish restaurant for lunch, and I don't eat fish. Not because of some whim, but because it made me feel sick. Just smelling fish makes me feel nauseous. I'm not allergic. I had it checked. My body simply rejects it. She also booked an afternoon activity at a ranch near the city, where my mother now lives, where you can ride horses, and, well, I don't like it. I have nothing against horses in particular, but the idea of riding one or getting really close to an animal that big scares me.

[00:05:47] Then she thought about going back to my mum's house for a backyard barbecue for dinner. And I just didn't want to do that because I don't want to spend more time with my mum than I have to. My mother also said they had already sent out invitations to everyone, and at that point I was really speechless. But I had to ask her who she had sent them to, because my friends, my dad and his family, hadn't received anything. It turns out that at the party, was mostly invited were Robert's family, my mum's family, and Kira's friends.

[00:06:13] I mean, it was basically a party organized by Kira for herself, under the pretext that it was for my birthday. So, I didn't hold back anymore. I laughed in my mother's face and hung up the phone. It was all too ridiculous to be true. Come on. My dad came to me a little while ago, saying that my mum called him mad because I laughed in her face when she told me about the party they had organized for me. And he was very upset about it. Not sure if he meant she there, but he was starting to say that despite all the feelings I had for my mum.

[00:06:42] They were trying to do a nice thing for once, but I had stopped him right away, and explained in details how the party had been organized. A detail that my mum apparently left out with him. His expression changed quickly, he just said I'm going to make a phone call. And I've been hearing him yelling at my mother for at least 20 minutes by now. Layla came to me after learning about the situation, and said as much as she could relate to me. I was a little rude to laugh in my mother's face, and hang up without explaining.

[00:07:09] For her, I should have spoken out like an adult despite my feelings, and sought things out in a civil and mature way. She wasn't angry, just a bit disappointed about how I acted. As soon as she left, I thought about my actions, and maybe I was a little hasty. But I don't think talking to my mum about it would have helped honestly. But maybe I could have handled it better. I'm starting to think I was a bit of an arsehole in that moment. Absolutely, I don't blame you for laughing in that moment at all.

[00:07:38] It's just got to the point now of just pure ridiculousness. Like you said, and I read it exactly the same way, that this party was for her. It wasn't for you. Nothing was considered for you. None of it. And you're just fed up of being treated this way. And like I said, I don't blame you one bit for that. I would have probably done the same and laughed as well. Because that's just ridiculous. Yes, you could have talked to her and explained how you was feeling. And you don't think it was a party for you, etc.

[00:08:06] But in all honesty, the way that you've talked about your mum in this, would it actually have changed it? You said yourself, you don't think talking to your mum would have helped honestly. You know her better than anyone. And I totally trust what you're saying about her. And that your feelings would have just been brushed aside. It sounds like more she's embarrassed or worried that she's handed out all these invitations now. And you're not going to show up. But a commenter says, not the arsehole. You laugh because the absurdity hit comedy gold levels.

[00:08:32] Your stepsister planning a party that's literally an anti-you festival under the guise of your birthday. That's sitcom material. You're not obligated to feign gratitude for something that was clearly not meant for you. If anything, your reaction might finally get through to them. That you're not just a side character in their family narrative. Keep your birthday plans for your dad and Layla. And enjoy turning 18 with people who actually pay attention to what makes you happy. Acute Death says, I mean, what did she, the bio mum, think was going to happen?

[00:09:02] You were going to grovel and accept the crumbs being thrown your way. Answer is, she wasn't thinking. She was just going along with Kira. Same old, same old. The thing is, people like that just rely on people like you to just keep on keeping on. Without any sort of pushback. And when the inevitable pushback happens, they can't handle it. Could you have been more polite? Yeah, probably. Was it fully justified? Oh, hell yeah. You are not the arsehole.

[00:09:31] This internet stranger is proud of you. Proud of the way you suck the situation up and just dealt with it when you had no choice. Proud of the way you have formed a close relationship with your father and stepmother. And proud as hell of you for standing up for yourself. Best wishes for a wonderful birthday. Used clock says to add to this, mum should strap in because she's about to get a rude awakening. If OP stops any and all contact after her birthday. So really, this is for the benefit of all involved.

[00:09:59] I understand where Layla might be coming from. But if your parent doesn't respect you at nearly 18, there's zero reason to hold back. But OP came in with her update and says, Okay, I didn't think my post would get all this attention. Welp. But thank you for all the good wishes and words of comfort. I read all your comments and decided to follow some advice. First of all, I talked to Layla about my reaction to my mother. Layla raised me on the importance of communication and always pushing me to talk about my problems so I could solve them.

[00:10:28] So I see where a comment about my behavior came from and I understand it. But I also gave her my point of view. Telling her that the situation my mother was explaining was too absurd and laughing is the only natural instinct that came to me. While my mother was talking at some point, I thought, Is it a joke? Or some kind of bad prank? Is she still making this all up? Because her bullshits were absolutely ridiculous. Layla said she understood me.

[00:10:54] And as many of you have told me, she just wanted me to understand that there will be situations in my life where I can't just laugh and hang up the phone. And she was just worried about my reaction. Anyway, we managed to clear the matter between us and I'm happy. I also talked to my dad about the phone call he had with my mom. Apparently my mom had an excuse for everything. She said that Kira just wanted to do a nice Sicily gesture on my big day. That she wanted to share her hobby. Riding horses with me.

[00:11:22] And that she never thought my fish problem was a real problem but just a whim. And the restaurant they'd booked at made the best fish around. And that last one is a lie. When I was little, I threw up a couple of times in front of my mom just because we went somewhere that smelled strongly of fish. So she knows very well it's a real issue for me. My dad retorted that nothing they had prepared for me had been done for me. That Kira had clearly planned the party for herself. And what kind of party was it for me if none of my important people were there? My mother didn't respond to this.

[00:11:52] She just started ranting that I was ungrateful and spoiled. So my father told her to go to hell and hung up the phone. After hearing this, I decided to follow another piece of advice you gave me. And wrote a message to my mother. This time I decided to be mature and wrote the message in the most polite way possible. I apologized for laughing but what she was saying was too ridiculous. So it was the only possible reaction from my side. I reminded her that she never put any effort into building a relationship with me.

[00:12:20] That she doesn't know me at all and has never cared about getting to know me. And since the birthday party, Kira organized only had things Kira liked. They could enjoy it together with their family and friends. I also told her that the invitation to my pizza party was withdrawn. And she shouldn't bother showing up. Since she already made it clear with her last phone call what her priorities were. And now I was going to do it too. And she was absolutely not on my priority list. I already have Layla as a mother and I can't be more happy with her.

[00:12:49] I concluded by wishing her well with her new family. And asked her not to contact me again. She read the message but didn't respond. And I'm fine with that. If she were to respond, I'm sure it would be just more complaints about me being ungrateful and spoiled. Because I know that talking to her is useless. She would not understand or pretend not to understand. But clarifying things once and for all has put an end to our situation. At least on my side, I had a sort of closure.

[00:13:18] And I thank you all for that. I probably would have given up and ended contact with her after my 18th without saying anything. But your comments helped me understand that a firm end was necessary. For those who asked how my mum could throw me a surprise party when I wasn't with her. My dad asked her the same question. Along with asking her how she could think he wouldn't throw me an 18th birthday party. My dad took it a bit personally. And she said that they had planned for Robert to come get me the morning of my birthday.

[00:13:46] Explain the situation to dad and Layla. And then take me to my mum's house under some pretense. Honestly, I don't know how it would have worked. I would have flat out refused to go to my mother's if it wasn't on our set days. No matter what excuse they would have made up. But most of all, I would never have left Layla and my dad to go to my mum's on my 18th birthday. It would have been one thing if my mother and I had a good relationship. That was definitely not the case. In all of this, the only person I don't feel like blaming is Robert.

[00:14:15] We never had a close relationship. But he was always polite to me when we lived under the same roof. He even cleared out his study so I could have a permanent room in his house when I went to my mother's. We didn't develop any stepdaughter-stepfather bond. But he always tried to be kind to me so I don't blame him for any of this. It's likely that he really thinks the party is for me. We don't know each other well enough for him to know my tastes unless my mother told him. Which I highly doubt she did.

[00:14:42] Luckily, I didn't leave anything of mine at my mother's house either. All my things are here at my father's house permanently. Usually, I would pack my suitcase when I went to my mother's with the things I needed for those days and then bring them back when I went back to my father's. I never felt safe leaving anything to her because Robert's family and Kira's friends came over often. And I didn't want to leave anything of mine out in the open to strangers. Well, that's it for now. I hope my mom respects my wish to go no contact and doesn't bother me anymore after that.

[00:15:11] I would also like to bring up the adoption conversation with Layla after the holidays. She seemed really happy when we first talked about it. Thanks again everyone for your kind words and advice. Your insights have helped me better manage the situation. I can understand I'm still a little immature. But I feel that this experience has helped me grow a little more and see the issue from other points of view. What are the best for you guys? Catnip Cosmos says you handled the situation with maturity and clarity, setting firm boundaries.

[00:15:41] Layla seems like an amazing support in your life, wishing you the best moving forward. Roadkill for Snack says, OP, I will send a polite message to Robert as a courtesy to thank him for his kindness and consideration over the years, then wish him best of luck, implying a permanent goodbye. OP says, I thought about it, but I don't have his number. We never felt the need to stay in touch as our interactions were mostly casual chit-chat and good morning, evening, goodbye.

[00:16:06] I don't have Kira's number either, so I think Robert and I already said goodbye for good the last time I left my mother's house. DJ Riri228 says, Do you have any sort of relationship with your birth giver's family? And if so, what do they think about your birth giver's treatment of you? I think you handled this situation perfectly, far more maturely than your egg donor. OP says, I don't really have much contact with my mother's family. Here are just three people, my grandmother, my aunt and my uncle.

[00:16:33] My uncle lives a few hours away from here with his family and I've seen them very few times. During the holidays I spent with my mother and our interactions were very brief and distant. With my aunt and my grandmother, I only have a cordial relationship. We exchange holiday greetings by text. A few times they sent me gifts for my birthday. Always money loaded on my father's card. But that's it. Even the few times I've met them, we had casual conversations about how each other's lives were going, but nothing more.

[00:17:01] In fact, I haven't invited any of them to my 18th and they haven't texted me anything since the drama with my mother happened. So I think they just don't care that much. And I just think good for OP in this, for standing their ground. They're talking about like maturity and stuff. But not even 18 years old. It's probably just me, but I can imagine dealing with something like that at that age. It's a lot to be dealing with, isn't it? The worries about upsetting certain people if you do certain things.

[00:17:31] You know, not wanting to rock the boat with your dad. And you've got Layla also telling you how to deal with things in a certain way. Which, you know, for the most part, I think Layla sounds like an absolutely wonderful step-parent. She's taking like a genuine interest in OP. Sharing activities and wanting to legally adopt OP. I think in this particular case, I didn't feel that she was right in what she said to OP about dealing with it in a maturer way. Or something along those lines.

[00:17:58] Because, again, I think OP knew what the mum was like more than anyone. And she was just literally at the end of her tether with it. And just like, you know, this is just so ridiculous now. All I can do is laugh. But I'm going to be interested in your take on Robert as well. OP seemed to like, you know, he was nice to her. And some of the comments were saying, yeah, he sounded like a good dude as well. But I was conflicted on that, if I'm being honest. Yes, he did a couple of good things as well.

[00:18:25] You know, clearing out the study room so she got her own room, etc. But it just felt like there was no, like Layla showing a genuine interest sharing activities. There was none of that. None of that trying to bond. And as a step-parent, I think you have to do those. You have to make that effort. Nine years. Nine years of just saying hello, goodbye, good morning, whatever. It felt like it was the bare minimum. So I'm going to be very interested in your thoughts on that as well.

[00:18:52] But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now, as always, just a huge thank you for being here today. Getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. Honestly, I'm always blown away by it. And just the way you interact with each other in the comments as well is absolutely wonderful. And hopefully I'm going to see you in the next one.

[00:19:23] Take care and much love. Say, do you want to go in the zoo? Why do you ask so, Papa? Maybe you do something with animals, if you're older.

[00:19:51] Maybe you write books or you learn Japanese. Papa? Maybe you're going to be a big thing, if you're older. And when you're older, what do you do actually? Actually. An später denken ist so wichtig. Deshalb machen wir Altersvorsorge so einfach. Schon ab 25 Euro im Monat. Jetzt informieren auf ergo.de oder bei Ihrem Ergo-Berater vor Ort. Einfach, weil's wichtig ist. Ergo.