My Marriage Is Falling Apart Because Of His Brother - He Threw Red Paint On My Wedding Dress

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider a like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's track on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:18] Now, before we do get into today's first story, there's a few trigger warnings on this one of bullying, sexual harassment, assault, favoritism and mentions of childhood sexual abuse. So if you do want to skip the story, please feel free to do so. Timestamps are always down in the description and along the timeline below. Thank you. This is from a throwaway account and it says,

[00:00:38] My 27 female marriage is falling apart with the love of my life. 32 male. Because of his brother. 35 male. I will preface this by stating that I love my husband and will do anything it takes to stay with him till the end. We dated for two years before marrying last year. And before him, my life was a mess. Now I'm the happiest person alive with him and never want this relationship to end. I will use fake names for my husband, John and his brother, Brian.

[00:01:07] To start, this all began a year ago before the wedding. Brian had always been a screw up his entire life, but two years ago, sobered up and moved in with his and John's parents. John's father owns a car dealership and is quite wealthy. John grew up quite rich, but never liked that lifestyle and decided to become a nurse instead of working for his father. Brian started working at the dealership and has turned his life around, according to John's parents.

[00:01:35] I had met a few times and he had creeped me out and was very inappropriate. He commented about my ass and even tried to grope me once, but John stopped him. I was very adamant before the wedding about not inviting Brian. John has a strong relationship with both his parents and it's a reason why I admire him. So when John's parents would not attend if Brian could not, I gave in and invited Brian.

[00:01:59] This is where everything went wrong. The wedding was amazing, but Brian came up to me with a so-called prank. He found a half full can of red paint in the church utility closet and thought it'd be funny to dump it on me after the ceremony. When I went to the bathroom, he jumped around the corner and splashed the paint all over me and the dress. I was hysterical and wanted to call the cops on Brian.

[00:02:24] John calmed me down and kicked Brian out of the wedding. A bridesmaid lived nearby and I used a shower and she lent me a dress to wear. From then on, I've never talked or been near Brian. John is very understanding, but every year insists we go to his parents for Thanksgiving and Christmas. He will not budge and says that he cannot cut his parents out of his life. However, Brian is still living with his parents and attended Thanksgiving and Christmas with him last year.

[00:02:51] I somehow got through both last year, never going near Brian and staying next to John the entire time. Last week, I got sent an image of a penis. Then a text following saying, I bet your mind is bigger than my brother's. I do not know how he got a hold of my number and I was disgusted beyond all belief. I wanted to again call the cops, but John told me that that would just allow for Brian to torment us more.

[00:03:16] Yesterday, I told John I will not attend Thanksgiving or Christmas with his family under no circumstances. John was very conflicted about the whole manner. He said that his parents are great people and that Thanksgiving and Christmas are all he has with them. This has been by far the biggest strain on our relationship and I can feel John and I moving apart. I do not know how to discuss this with John and I need help.

[00:03:41] I have never done this before and for the first time, I'm going to the internet with this issue and instead of John. What can I do to fix this situation? Am I being irrational with my demands? Now, I think we all know the path this one's going to go down and your marriage isn't falling apart because of Brian. It's falling apart because your husband is refusing to protect you from his sexual harassment and his assault.

[00:04:10] Brian's sexually harassed you multiple times, tried to grope you, deliberately ruined your wedding dress and got your number to send photos of his bits. And he's made sexually explicit comments comparing himself to his brother. And while all this went on, you know, your husband response was like to get you to invite your assaulter to your wedding. He was manipulated into inviting the brother to your wedding, basically forcing you to spend holidays with him and won't let you report the sexual harassment.

[00:04:39] And in the end, he's prioritizing his family's feelings over your safety. And at this point is enabling everything that's happening. But Ghost Gal says, holy shit, you need to sit your husband down and have a serious talk with him because he is ultimately enabling his brother's behavior. His brother is literally sexually harassing and assaulting you, even when you haven't seen him for months and have very little contact with him. What might happen if he manages to get you alone, even for a few minutes? Had John spoken to his brother about his behavior at all?

[00:05:09] If they're not willing to handle it internally, you need to do what is best for you in case it escalates further. Even including involving the police. If your husband insists on holidays with his family over your safety, then he can go alone. Dr. Fuzzy Socks replies to that one saying, and a side note, calling the cops will just allow Brian to torment us more. And says, no, it won't. Your husband is either a dumbass or he lied to you on purpose, so you would drop it. You should never have to see his brother again. Chris must be damned.

[00:05:38] And if his parents continue to defend him when they've been made aware of this latest behavior, well, fuck them too. Because that would clearly demonstrate that they don't care about you or their son's marriage. This is probably going to take some couples counseling because John is up his family's ass and he needs to fix his priorities.

[00:06:22] The family he's creating should be more important than the one he wants. He needs to find his spine and set boundaries with his family. Such that you don't have to spend time around Brian. If he can't, maybe he's not actually the man you thought he was when you married him. Sit him down and have a real heart-to-heart with your husband about how it makes you feel that he's unwilling to stand up for you. How much it hurts that you're the target of his brother's gross behavior, but still expects you to sit with that arsehole at family gatherings like he hasn't been awful to you.

[00:06:53] Regardless, don't put yourself through going to his family's house this year. If he can't understand that, you two aren't meant to be married anyway. He wouldn't be the first person to marry a person you thought was your everything, only to have him turn around to be a bad choice. Vic Von says, alright, this isn't going to be easy to hear, but 1. John is a coward and an enabler. Yes, he has a strong relationship with his parents, but the moment that puts a strain on your relationship, he should not hesitate as much as he is.

[00:07:21] 2. You are not being unreasonable. Hell, I think you're not being demanding enough. Something we'll give here is only a matter of time. You and John have to sit down and communicate what exactly that is going to be. Your marriage or the enabling. 3. The simplest solution here is to go to the cops and get a restraining order against Brian. Of course, it's also the nuclear option which will piss off John and his family for calling his brother out on his bull. Sadly, people don't like to face their ugly truth.

[00:07:51] An astro says his parents aren't great people if they're aware of these incidents and still allowing their idiot son to be around when you come over. This family has protected Brian and are clearly stating you're not important enough to put above him. Your husband needs to stand up for you. Why is he just brushing this off? You want to deal with this for the rest of your life. Also, stop giving in to these people. Twice in the post, you've bent to their own demands. Just let him go to the holidays by himself. Go to your parents or hang out with a friend instead.

[00:08:21] It is mad how they're actually protecting him. You know, like the wedding dress incident. They must have seen that. They must have known that she had to leave to change her dress, etc. And you think, that's crazy behavior, right? I know all of it's awful behavior, but they would have definitely seen that one. Madness. So Opie comes in with an update. To start, I want to preface this by stating that I did not want to write an update on this.

[00:08:47] When I wrote the first post, I got angry at the first couple of comments that came in because of their drastic, unrealistic nature. No, I'm not going to divorce my husband because he won't stick up for me. Nobody is perfect, including me. But a lot of the comments I felt didn't understand the whole scope of the problem. And I feel that is on me for not writing everything I should have. But some of it was helpful and I will address that later. Things I should have addressed or mentioned in the first post, I will put here.

[00:09:15] First, my husband is adopted and so is Brian. Because of this, there are a few things that change their relationship. John was adopted at the age of three and does not remember anything other than his adoptive family. However, Brian was adopted at the age of nine when John was six. And Brian is six foot five and John five foot ten. And Brian has been bigger than John all of his life. John has talked about how Brian was sexually abused before he was adopted. And that is the reason why his mother and father have always held back.

[00:09:45] Brian is bullied. And I do not mean in the older brother's sense. John does not talk about it much, but I get the feeling Brian has done some fucked up shit to him. With that being said, after I calmed down from the first few comments the next day, I came back to the post to see it had somewhat exploded. I read through comments all day at work and wrote down some of the ones I needed to listen to. After I got home from work, I and John talked for a long time. And then the next night and the night after that.

[00:10:13] What I discussed with him was the stress the family has put on me. He by no means agrees with what his family are doing or anything Brian has done. He opened up and did say that he felt he was failing a bit. He teared up for a bit when he told me that he wished he had done more about Brian at the wedding. And that he does not expect me to come with him to his family ever again. He's a very shy guy and does not like conflict. He said that he would find a way for him to just go by himself for Thanksgiving.

[00:10:42] And that he would just skip Christmas this year altogether. But an important thing I wanted, after reading the comments, was for him to explain to his mother exactly why I was not coming. I do not want Brian to get away with this and to expect me to be totally passive in this situation. John the first night was hesitant to say the least about the idea. He was afraid of many things about if he did that. But the second night after thinking about it at work, he decided that it was the right thing to do. He's planning to talk to his mother next week.

[00:11:11] But some of the comments did alarm me about my behavior. One comment said I might have some codependency. Another comment said I should go to couples counseling. When I brought up the idea to John, he surprised me by saying he would like to go to couples counseling. John said he would research it and has scheduled a session for us next week before he calls his mother. I'm very relieved and have felt much better. I think talking with John really helped and assured me that John and I are on the same page. That is all I can say.

[00:11:39] And I know that there is an interest in my situation. And while I do not like my life to be opened and read like a book, I think it did help me understand myself more. And a lot of the comments after this one pretty much saying that this isn't going to end well. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. This one's from Throwaway Onion Kebab who says, Am I the arsehole?

[00:12:07] For me, 22 female, unplugging the internet when my boyfriend, 23 male, was playing a game. I had cooked dinner for my boyfriend and I called him several times. He didn't respond. So I was like, what the hell? And went to find him and bring his dinner to him. He was playing Call of Duty or Halo and said he didn't hear me. I was like, all right, here is your dinner. And then I handed it to him. And he just looked at it and said, I didn't want mac and cheese. I said, chicken nuggets and fries. I said, sorry, but if you had listened when I got back,

[00:12:36] you would have heard that the store was all out of nuggets. He then threw the plate with food on it at a set of drawers. I said, seriously, what is wrong with you? And he just said he was annoyed because I just made him die in the game by distracting him. He was already mad about having mac and cheese. I said, if that was going to make you angry, you shouldn't be playing while eating. He just said whatever and carried on playing. So I went downstairs and turned the router off while I ate. He came storming down asking what the hell I had done.

[00:13:05] I said, if you can't listen to me, you shouldn't be playing games when I'm trying to do stuff. He said, I can't turn the internet off because he pays for it. So I said, he just wasted food. He says, I should have told him they were out of nuggets and waited for him to be done on the game instead of turning it off. I think he was being unreasonable, especially after he threw the plate. But his mom and my mom are siding with him. They say, I shouldn't have turned the internet off. I'm thinking they're completely missing the point. So was I wrong to do that?

[00:13:35] Or should I have done something different? A commenter says to OP, everyone sucks here. I'm not allowed to call somebody a child on this sub, but you are both equally acting childish and need to work it out. OP says, I don't see what I was supposed to do because I told him the store was out of food and he didn't listen. And then he threw and broke a plate of food, wasting it that I had cooked. And he just went back to the game. Stone Cat says, he broke a plate over not getting his chicken nuggies.

[00:14:03] I mean, it's bad enough to break a plate, but over nuggets versus mac and cheese? This is literally what a child would have a tantrum about. What were you supposed to do? Pack your stuff and move out maybe? Tell him to stop acting like a toddler? If he was mad enough to break a plate over your dinner choice, what in the world did you think he would do when you unplugged the router? What exactly were you hoping it would accomplish? Jeepers Creepers says, everyone sucks here. You eat like five-year-olds. You fight like siblings.

[00:14:33] And then you run off and tell your respective moms. Grow up. OP says, he told our moms first. They both messaged me and asked why I did it. So I tried to explain and they were taking his side. Jeepers Creepers replies saying, to be fair, he has a lot more grown up to do than you. Which begs the question, are you bringing him up? Or is he bringing you down? And the top comment from John Draper who says, everyone sucks here.

[00:14:58] Your son is being pretty immature and volatile. But as his mother, you're responsible for responding calmly and in a mature fashion so that he learns better behaviors. And whilst turning the router off isn't like probably the ideal situation, it's only going to get a negative reaction and create more drama, right? I'm still going to go with a not the arse. Why are you dealing with that shit? Holy moly. That last comment that made me chuckle, it was pretty much spot on.

[00:15:27] You're dealing with a child. And I'm trying to imagine the situation where this guy's run off to tell both the mums that she's just turned the router off after he didn't get his chicken nuggets. That's absolutely wild. But the update comes in and says, Thank you to everyone that helped me see that what he did was really not right. I had wondered why my mum and his would side with him too. And after speaking with my mum, I found out he had been bad mouthing me before this

[00:15:57] and had told her a different story to what really happened. Of course. He told her he'd been at work all day and got home and I was instantly aggressive and turned the internet off and said no games or food. I don't know why she would believe that, but whatever. He'd been playing the game for eight hours straight that day up to that point. Anyway, I left him and moved back in with my mum and for now I'm in the process of moving all my belongings but I have the most important stuff. He's been texting me begging to come back because he misses me.

[00:16:26] Also because he can't cook. I saw McDonald's wrappers all over the floor when I went to get some of my clothes. He also posted a video to Facebook of his crying saying I took everything and I'm a bitch. His mum is still siding with him and she has been harassing me in messages for abusing her son. She says how dare I leave him. First he tried to guilt trip me by saying how will he clean and cook by himself and when that didn't work she started threatening and sending abusive messages. I feel much better though.

[00:16:54] I didn't realize how much of a strain he had put upon me. So once again, thank you to everyone that helped me out. Absolutely the right choice in this situation. I mean, the McDonald's wrappers all over the floor when you go and get some clothes there's a red flag in itself for me. If you can't pick up wrappers and put them in the bin gee whiz. The mummy coming in saying how will he clean and cook by himself? Bullet dodged. But what do you guys make of this situation?

[00:17:22] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story. Now, our next story comes from the Am I the Asshole subreddit from Intelligent House 4147 and says am I the asshole for refusing to wear a modest dress to my cousin's wedding because her fiance might find me distracting. Hi, I'm an 18 female college freshman and I'm going through a bit of family drama right now. For context, I'm not super close to my extended family

[00:17:52] but I still got invited to my cousin Lily's 25 female wedding. Lily and I have always had a weird relationship. She's the golden child who got straight A's and followed every rule. Well, I'm, let's just say, a bit more fun. Here's the thing. I love fashion, especially bold, fun outfits. I bought this gorgeous light pink bodycon dress for a wedding. Not revealing, but it's form-fitting, knee-length and, well, flattering.

[00:18:21] I showed my mom and she said it looked classy and perfect. Great, right? Wrong. Fast forward to a week before the wedding and I get a frantic call from Lily. She says she's heard from family that my dress is inappropriate and might distract her fiance. Yes, you read that right. Distract her fiance. She asked me to either wear something more modest or just not come. At first, I thought she was joking.

[00:18:48] Like, why would her fiance even notice me on her wedding day? But she was dead serious. I told her I wasn't going to spend, I wasn't going to spend more money on a new dress because of her insecurities. And if her fiance couldn't keep his eyes to himself, that wasn't my problem. She called me selfish and immature and hung up. Now my aunt, her mom and a few other relatives are blowing up my phone saying I'm ruining Lily's big day and that I'm too young to understand how weddings work.

[00:19:18] Meanwhile, my mom and my friends are telling me to wear what I want and not let Lily's weird jealousy ruin my vibe. I'm genuinely confused now. Like, I don't want to cause drama, but I also think it's ridiculous to police what I wear because of a hypothetical scenario involving her fiance. I don't even know the guy. Am I the arsehole for sticking to my dress and refusing to back down? Justari says everyone sucks here. A wedding is not like going to a party

[00:19:46] and there is an unwritten but well-understood rule that you are not supposed to outshine the bride. On the other hand, I really despise the idea that you are a distraction to a fiance who is about to get married to someone he is supposed to be in love with. I also doubt that she has vetted the outfits of every woman planning to come to the wedding and you spent money on this dress and bought it for a specific purpose. So it is inconsiderate of her to ask you not to wear it. I think the real issue is probably the bride's insecurities.

[00:20:15] I'm going to guess that you are attractive and she is less so. You can probably turn heads in a form-fitting dress and she's projecting her insecurity onto you. I question if there is even a dress option for you that she will not find too sexy. Yet, it is still her wedding and she will, hopefully, only ever have the one. You'll have lots of opportunities to wear your pretty pink dress. I honestly think you should wear something else or just not go. Snoopbook says you're the arsehole. A form-fitting and well-flattering pink bodycon dress

[00:20:45] sounds inappropriate to me. And even if you think it's not, the way you spoke to and about your cousin sounds bratty. It's her wedding. It's not all about your vibe. And because you don't seem to realize, it's not actually her fiance she's concerned about. It's you making a spectacle of yourself at your boring cousin's wedding. Get over yourself and grow up. Turbulent Break says you're the arsehole. You sound so full of yourself. You can't even see you're making this wedding all about yourself in your bright pink condon-tight dress.

[00:21:15] Are you so narcissistic? You want to be the center of attention at somebody else's wedding. Grow up. Of course, a big bold statement dress is inappropriate for someone else's wedding. It's not about the groom-eyeing you. It's all about the people looking at you and judging you. Laughing behind your back about your childish dress and attitude. That's just what's going to stain the wedding. Just stay home and wear the dress to a club. And the comments were just a big mix of you're the arsehole and everyone sucks here.

[00:21:43] But what do you guys make of the matter? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now, just a huge thank you for being here today. Getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much. And hopefully, I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.