My "Investigative" Friend Is Projecting Onto My Relationship And I've Had Enough! r/Relationships

[00:00:00] Hey hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories and if you do love a Reddit Story why not consider hitting that

[00:00:11] like subscribe maybe that notification bell too and let's crack on with todays first story. Much love you cheeky so and so. Now todays first story is from Am I the Arsehole Here subreddit from SubstantialFox4386 and says Am I the Arsehole Here for telling a friend

[00:00:31] that my husband can't be cheating on me and she's just projecting. For context, I 31f have been with my husband j 34m for 10 years. We met through mutual friends, began dating shortly after and became engaged after being together for about 2 years. We aren't legally

[00:00:50] married yet as we both agreed we wanted an all out wedding and to travel for our honeymoon but that is expensive and we wanted to prioritize spending our money on things like our house,

[00:01:00] our vehicles, medical and so on. We bought each other matching rings that we wear as if we are married, refer to each other as husband and wife and present as married socially. We just haven't actually had a wedding. Our families understand this and since we are

[00:01:15] both children of divorce our parents were fine with us not wanting to get married since their opinion of marriage was somewhat skewed to put it politely. Most of our friends also don't comment on our lack of being officially married as they either don't care, agree

[00:01:30] with our logic that there are more important things to spend money on or rather sort of people who think the point of a legal marriage isn't as necessary as it has been in the past.

[00:01:39] Then there's Trisha 28f. I met Trisha through an old job and we got along really well. We enjoyed the same music, food and had similar opinions on things like movies, books and clothes. Trisha is a lovely person and I do genuinely enjoy our friendship but she occasionally

[00:01:57] goes through these odd phases where she analyzes the behavior of men in our social circle. She will present her theories to us ladies based on things like social media posts, odd behaviors, she says she noticed during our group barbecues or beach trips, things like

[00:02:13] that. While I have no problem calling out potential shitty behavior in a friend, the things she deems suspicious don't really hold water in my opinion. For example, she's never quite let go of considering a male friend gay and her evidence is that he's a bit

[00:02:29] of a perpetual bachelor. According to him, his bachelor status is because he's holding out for a girl who doesn't mind his transient lifestyle as a man who has to travel a lot for work and would want to join him rather than wait around at home. But according to

[00:02:44] Trisha he must be having gay dalliances across the country and refuses to tell us even though many in our friend group are gay, out of the closet and even bring their partners to social events. Then there's my sweet Jay. Jay has never

[00:02:59] been a very physical affectionate person and he is likely autistic but isn't interested in having a formal diagnosis. He took the RADS-R, a test to screen for autism in undiagnosed adults about four years ago when he was seeking treatment for chronic migraines and the results

[00:03:16] suggested strongly that he may be autistic. Once he got those results back, he sort of got over the idea of wanting answers for some of his mental health questions, preferring to just go to therapy and work on finding good treatment for his migraines. According

[00:03:30] to him, the RADS-R was good enough to solve the mystery and provided some closure for him. I didn't press the issue as the idea of getting on his case about a diagnosis he didn't feel he needed seemed unnecessarily harsh to me.

[00:03:43] On top of that, Jay loves fishing. When you put these two facts together, hopefully a picture gets painted for you but I clarify anyway. He knows about all the different types of aquatic environments in our area that you can legally fish. When all the different spawning

[00:03:58] seasons are, what every species eats, how they hunt and how he can even tell what sort of fish is on his hook based on how it feels when he's pulling them in. He can look at

[00:04:07] a body of water and instantly tell you if fishing will be good that day and he has never been wrong. It's like living with a fish-based psychic. Since I am an avid lover of seafood,

[00:04:18] his fishing and pursuit of fish-centric knowledge has only been a boon to me. I can express interest in wanting a fish dinner on Monday morning and that night he will bring home and cook

[00:04:28] up enough fish for us to eat like royalty. He's even excited to catch fish to make him the fertilizer for my new rose bushes since he feels confident he'll be able to pull up the perfect food for my new roses. A suspicious activity, according to Trisha,

[00:04:43] is that he often goes on spur-of-the-moment fishing trips by himself and can sometimes be gone for hours. He will randomly stand up, say something like, alright, fishing time and give me a kiss before he hits the road. While I could ordinarily agree that something

[00:04:57] like that could be suspicious, I know factually that Jay isn't cheating and he always sends me countless pictures and videos while he's on these trips as well as calling me on the phone when he's particularly excited about a good catch, how he's trying to get uniquely

[00:05:11] sneaky fish, a cool bird he saw, things like that. Even if he's gone for 10 hours, my phone will be blowing up for all 10 of those hours with pictures of his sunshine smile next

[00:05:21] to a fish or videos of him cheering as he shows what he's got on the stringer, a long, thin rope used to keep fish alive and attached to your boat in the water. I adore these pictures,

[00:05:32] videos and phone calls since they make my heart so full with how much joy he feels and how at peace he is on the water. I would join him more often but I usually stay home since

[00:05:40] it wouldn't be fair to our dogs if both of us left for undefined amounts of time on a whim. Instead, I find peace in watching through his eyes and when he comes home, I'm always

[00:05:49] happy to get the play by play of how the trip went while Jay prepares the fish for us to eat. We even have a game now where he quizzes me on what type of fish he caught and if I

[00:06:00] win I get a big hug. None of this is good enough for Trisha, for years now she had her suspicions about Jay but I've always brushed them off as I'm securing my relationship and trust Jay implicitly. When Trisha first brought her theory to me,

[00:06:15] I brought it up to Jay who was genuinely hurt and asked if I shared in her suspicions and wanted to go fishing less. I told him no but I felt that he deserved to know what Trisha

[00:06:25] was telling people about him, he understood and was willing to let sleeping dogs lie. Over the years as Jay and I kept on keeping on, unmarried and in fishy bliss, Trisha became more

[00:06:37] and more adamant that not only was Jay cheating but that was the reason we weren't married is that he convinced me to wait for an expensive wedding and he would rather continue on cheating

[00:06:47] during fake fishing trips. A proof was his random trips, the fact that he doesn't physically touch me a lot when we're in public and how he never lets me go with him. Countless times I've shown

[00:06:59] her the giant folder of fishing pictures and videos in my phone, call logs showing how often we're in communication and told her I didn't need to have him grabbing on me or dangling off me in

[00:07:09] public to feel secure with him. I've brought up our responsibilities as dog owners to not leave them alone for hours on a whim without the ability to relieve themselves outside. I've even told her

[00:07:20] multiple times over the years that she's more than welcome to ask Jay if she could tag along on a trip to see for herself how committed he is to fishing but she always refuses. Again since

[00:07:30] Jay has been fine with ignoring the drama, I let it slide up until about a week ago. Jay was talking about going on a day long fishing trip with two of our friends,

[00:07:40] Vince and Maria who are married as they expressed interest in going and saw the trip as a sort of blend between a staycation and a chartered boat trip. Trisha spoke privately to me saying that I

[00:07:51] must be happy that Maria is going since she'll be able to ensure that not only Jay can't cheat on me but that Vince can't cover for him if he tries to. I've finally had enough as now she was dragging

[00:08:02] poor Vince into this and slandering his character. When all Vince had done was agree to a day trip with an old friend, I told Trisha that she needs to either bring her suspicions directly to Jay

[00:08:13] and hash it out with him or let it go because as far as I'm concerned she's projecting her issues onto Jay since Trisha can't keep a guy longer than 3 months. While that assessment

[00:08:23] isn't entirely true, I wanted to hurt her feelings and cut her down to size since that's my sweet Jay she's dragging through the mud. Trisha not only took it personally but she said that I was just

[00:08:34] naive and was afraid to be single. I told Trisha that she was projecting again since she's a serial dater who scares men off with her wannabe Sherlock Holmes nonsense and she just can't fathom a man

[00:08:46] with a real hobby because she only goes after half-baked fake gym bros more interested in their own tits than hers and wannabe finance bros who blow their entire paychecks on crypto. She stopped

[00:08:58] talking to me after that and hasn't reached out to me since. Granted I haven't reached out to her either but I'm mad at her because she was rude. Our friend group doesn't really give this entire

[00:09:08] situation much weight, saying stuff like, that's just how she is or what did you expect? Well we know Jay isn't cheating but he's an exception to the rule and maybe Trisha just doesn't see that.

[00:09:20] While I was willing to stand my ground at first and not budge on the issue, now I'm wondering if maybe I was too harsh and should apologize for being petty just because I wanted to knock her

[00:09:29] down a peg and get her to give up on her theories. Am I the asshole and should I apologize or do I keep all ten toes in the ground and let her twist? Like you said around in the third paragraph or so

[00:09:43] that Trisha is a lovely person, you enjoy a friendship. You know I'm debating that she's absolutely talking shit about your other half, talking shit about your husband, slandering his character. You need to have some hard evidence if you're going to approach someone

[00:10:00] with this kind of shit and I think you really need to take a step back and realize what this person is saying about someone that you love, that's your person. They're saying this about them,

[00:10:11] accusing them of something awful which has the possibility if you weren't so secure in your relationship of damaging it, of ruining it. That's the path she was going down. Polar G says first of all Jay sounds wonderful, congrats on snagging him. Good one there,

[00:10:30] I smiled reading when you were talking about him, very wholesome. Trisha sucks man, Trisha isn't helping anyone, she's actively hurting people's marriages, relationships and friendships. I'd bail on her ASAP. I don't know what you see in a person who has put that much time into belittling

[00:10:48] your wonderful husband. I was also a little irked by people in your group chat saying Jay is the exception, how? You said Trisha is always doing this and she's wrong as fuck, why are you friends with Trisha, is fabricating rumors about your friends being gay and your

[00:11:02] husband cheating on you, like to the point that you told Jay this is what she's saying about you like you know she didn't just say it to you, but everyone and you're still letting this bitch hang

[00:11:13] around. Gross. Dopey replies saying hearing it framed this way is a shock I think I needed. I wanted to get defensive at first but you have a really solid point. Someone else here asked if

[00:11:25] maybe Trisha is interested in Jay, I'm going to dig into that, but now I want to dig into this as well. Thank you for your input, this put a lot into perspective. Chocolate Candy Bar says not

[00:11:36] the arsehole here but why on earth is friend allowed to talk like this about a couple or try to out a supposed gay not gay man without anyone telling her to shut the fuck up. Feels like you

[00:11:48] guys got too stuck with the waves and are not seeing how toxic this person is because you're used to her being eccentric, but no. This is way too much, it's insane to read I gave my friend

[00:11:59] evidence of husband not cheating, and even if he's cheating it's your business and she can't know if you're okay with it. And also it's 2024 and adults are allowed to be married or not, only cults care so much for other people's lifestyle. Dopey says thank you for your words,

[00:12:15] you and others have helped me get a fresh perspective on everything and I'll be taking some time to collect my thoughts and get a plan of action for how to get to the bottom of things Lots of foul behaviour to be sure.

[00:12:55] So Opie comes in with her first update and says I just wanted to give a small update now before I bring the axe down tonight. This will be shorter as Jay and I will be going fishing together this

[00:13:12] afternoon after lunch. I showed Jay the original thread and made a heart to heart that lasted until the wee hours of the morning. Firstly he wanted me to express his appreciation for you all,

[00:13:22] as well as a shout out to his fellow fishing enthusiasts. He encourages you all to get out there and try your best regardless of your success and to instead share with him the joys

[00:13:32] it brings, even if we can't all go fishing together. After going through all your beautiful words and generous support, we shared our thoughts on the matter not only as a couple but as two people with different levels of attachment to individuals in our friend group. We both agree

[00:13:46] that we've been holding onto these friendships more out of a sense of nostalgia and desire to be kind rather than actually examining what these friends brought to the table and whether or not they enriched our lives. We've been distracted by a desire for community and old bonds, sacrificing

[00:14:02] our comfort and respect for not only ourselves but our choice to be together and have a dynamic that some may not view as normal or valid in some capacities. While Jay and I have different

[00:14:12] views on what certain friends mean to us, we agree that enough is enough and it's time to not only establish boundaries but to not give an inch to those who have caused us to come to this,

[00:14:22] Trisha especially. That said, Jay is a good man, a strong, whip-smart, generous man and reading the feedback you all provided made me realize something. I am fucking angry. I allowed a venomous

[00:14:36] waste of air around my sweet Jay, my Jay. She slandered him, belittled me, devalued what we have and I allowed it like some sort of coward. It's going to end now and I'm ending it my way. I will

[00:14:50] not be allowing Trisha to slink away from this or have room to twist words to make me look like anything other than a woman with righteous fury regarding the man she vowed to honor and protect.

[00:15:01] I'm sorry to report I will not be taking the high road nor will I be handling this with tact and decorum. I'm blowing this bitch's social life sky fucking high along with anybody that sides with

[00:15:11] her. Scorched earth, no prisoners, blood for the blood god. Holy moly, this just went the other way. Two little comments from that one. Flo-mob Joe Blow says as she takes off the earrings and says

[00:15:24] hold my purse, shit just got real. Moe-u says I'm popping the popcorn and waiting for the update. The OP comes in with her update and says I'm going to keep this as brief as possible while still covering it, as there is a lot to cover involving about 15 people

[00:15:41] and it's still all hitting the fan. Added the NSFW flair as some of the adult topics will be mentioned below including potential SA, sexual assault and drug abuse. During the fishing trip yesterday I blocked Trisha on everything and reached out to people

[00:16:03] to say that Jay and I would be distancing ourselves from Trisha, why we were and shared what theory Trisha had about them if there was one, along with any screenshots or evidence I

[00:16:14] had of Trisha talking about them. I also asked a few friends who might know if Trisha might be interested in Jay, as some people pointed out that might have been a motivation for her to get

[00:16:24] between us. Here's what's been dug up so far. Matt, the friend Trisha alleged was gay, confirmed again that he isn't gay. He shared a story about how he, his roommate and Trisha had a get together

[00:16:37] at one point where they drank and smoked some weed. During the night Trisha got handsy and tried getting together with Matt's roommate who declined. When they sobered up the following morning Trisha said it should be fine because men like that sort of thing. After that Matt and his

[00:16:54] roommate weren't comfortable with her and effectively barred her from going to their place. Matt suspects this is the origin of the gay rumor and he's chosen to step away from the social group to

[00:17:03] re-evaluate some things. I didn't want to press him so I left it there. Vince and Maria have gone dark, Maria believed that Trisha was the victim in all this and Vince was vague in his responses

[00:17:15] and seemed to be taking a more hands off approach. But they stopped responding when another friend sent a screenshot of Trisha alluding to them being swingers because they have a decorative pineapple on their kitchen counter. Neither of them have anyone blocked but no one could get a response

[00:17:29] out of them either. One friend got into an argument with his girlfriend after said girlfriend went through his phone because of the drama and found either texts or pics, I don't know which, that

[00:17:39] according to her proves that he's been sleeping with Trisha on and off. I heard this from his brother who reached out after his girlfriend left a voicemail saying she's kicking the friend out

[00:17:49] and the brother wanted to know what was going on. I'm not sure exactly what's happening there as that friend has also gone dark and none of us know the girlfriend very well or have her phone number.

[00:17:59] One friend came clean about her struggles with prescription pain meds after her mother lost her battle with cancer because Trisha had been trying to blackmail her into getting dirt on Matt, Jay and Vince and was using the drug abuse as leverage. Admittedly a lot of my attention got

[00:18:15] diverted after this came to light because that's a much bigger problem than my beef with Trisha. We're still working on creating a good way for people to be a support system

[00:18:24] for her moving forward and that will be what we as a group will focus on from here on out. An old friend of Jay's dropped a nuke by revealing that Trisha tried blowing him in

[00:18:34] the bathroom during a friendsgiving dinner we had last year, only to turn around and try to blow a different guy in the bathroom after Chris turned her down. Jay, some other friends

[00:18:43] and I created a new discord server for all the friends coming out of this drama against Trisha and so far there's been a lot of comparing dates, texts, discord DMs but it looks like Trisha has

[00:18:54] been trying to either sleep with or break up every guy in the friend group, as well as either get rid of or get leverage on every girlfriend in the group. Either way we have bigger fish to fry now,

[00:19:05] it's time to put all this behind us and help our friend who really needs it. Thank you for all your kind words and helpful advice, even the harsh stuff. Two top comments from that one, always on side tbh says holy shit Trisha is a much bigger

[00:19:19] arsehole than ever anticipated initially. Fuck her and her very being, she deserves to be all alone and sad with nobody to talk to after all the stuff she's been doing behind everyone's back. Blackmailing someone who just lost their mother is terrible, she's genuinely such a bad human

[00:19:35] being, disgusting person. Also I'm guessing she's pretty unattractive if everyone is turning down her advances lol, she's definitely jealous of all of you guys in happy relationships. Kater's Hater says Swinger pineapples, blackmail, bathroom blowjobs and of course fishing. This

[00:19:53] update had everything, 10 out of 10, no notes. Blackmailing someone that's gone through a traumatic experience, grieving, is now struggling with prescription pain meds, it takes a special kind of evil for someone to do that, holy moly. I always wonder like, trying to get into Trisha's

[00:20:14] mind, I don't want to obviously but trying to get into their mind and think how they go about their day to day life. Do they not ever step back and say wow I am an arsehole or do they just think

[00:20:24] everything is completely normal that they're the good guys and there's some weird arse reason. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys, what do you guys make of this situation? Let me

[00:20:37] know your thoughts down in the comments below. And just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's stories, your love, your support, your time always means

[00:20:46] the absolute world to me so thank you so so much for being involved truly and hopefully I will see you in the next one. Take care and much love.