My "Investigative" Friend Is Projecting Onto My Relationship And I've Had Enough! r/Relationships

[00:00:00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out

[00:00:24] some more Reddit Stories and if you do love a Reddit Story why not consider hitting that

[00:00:28] like subscribe maybe that notification bell too and let's crack on with today's first story.

[00:00:36] Much love, you cheeky so and so.

[00:00:40] Now today's first story is from Am I the Asshole Here subreddit from SubstantialFox4386

[00:00:46] and says Am I the asshole here for telling a friend that my husband can't be cheating on me

[00:00:51] She's just projecting.

[00:01:21] Am I the asshole here for telling a friend that my husband can't be cheating on me

[00:01:52] think the point of a legal marriage isn't as necessary as it has been in the past.

[00:01:57] Then there's Trisha, 28, female. I met Trisha through an old job and we got along really well.

[00:02:03] We enjoyed the same music, food, and had similar opinions on things like movies, books, and clothes.

[00:02:09] Trisha is a lovely person and I do genuinely enjoy her friendship, but she occasionally goes through

[00:02:15] these odd phases where she analyzes the behavior of men in our social circle. She will present her

[00:02:21] theories to us ladies based on things like social media posts, odd behaviors, she says she

[00:02:27] noticed during our group barbecues or beach trips, things like that. While I have no problem calling

[00:02:33] out potential shitty behavior in a friend, the things she deems suspicious don't really hold

[00:02:38] water in my opinion. For example, she's never quite let go of considering a male friend gay

[00:02:45] and her evidence is that he's a bit of a perpetual bachelor. According to him,

[00:02:50] his bachelor status is because he's holding out for a girl who doesn't mind his transient lifestyle

[00:02:55] as a man who has to travel a lot for work and would want to join him rather than wait around

[00:03:00] at home. But according to Trisha, he must be having gay dalliances across the country and

[00:03:05] refuses to tell us even though many in our friend group are gay, out of the closet,

[00:03:10] and even bring their partners to social events. Then there's my sweet Jay. Jay has never been a

[00:03:17] very physical affectionate person, and he is likely autistic but isn't interested in having

[00:03:22] a formal diagnosis. He took the RADS-R, a test to screen for autism in undiagnosed adults, about

[00:03:29] four years ago when he was seeking treatment for chronic migraines, and the results suggested

[00:03:34] strongly that he may be autistic. Once he got those results back, he sort of got over the idea

[00:03:39] of wanting answers for some of his mental health questions, preferring to just go to therapy and

[00:03:44] work on finding good treatment for his migraines. According to him, the RADS-R was good enough to

[00:03:49] solve the mystery and provided some closure for him. I didn't press the issue as the idea of

[00:03:54] getting on his case about a diagnosis he didn't feel he needed seemed unnecessarily harsh to me.

[00:04:00] On top of that, Jay loves fishing. When you put these two facts together,

[00:04:05] hopefully a picture gets painted for you, but I clarify anyway. He knows about all the different

[00:04:10] types of aquatic environments in our area that you can legally fish, when all the different

[00:04:15] spawning seasons are what every species eats, how they hunt, and how he can even tell what

[00:04:20] sort of fish is on his hook based on how it feels when he's pulling them in. He can look at a body

[00:04:25] of water and instantly tell you if fishing will be good that day, and he has never been wrong.

[00:04:30] It's like living with a fish-based psychic. Since I am an avid lover of seafood,

[00:04:36] his fishing and pursuit of fish-centric knowledge has only been a boon to me. I can express interest

[00:04:42] in wanting a fish dinner on Monday morning, and that night he will bring home and cook up enough

[00:04:46] fish for us to eat like royalty. He's even excited to catch fish to make him the fertilizer for my

[00:04:51] new rose bushes, since he feels confident he'll be able to pull up the perfect food for my new

[00:04:56] roses. A suspicious activity, according to Trisha, is that he often goes on spur-of-the-moment

[00:05:03] fishing trips by himself and can sometimes be gone for hours. He will randomly stand up,

[00:05:08] say something like, alright, fishing time, and give me a kiss before he hits the road.

[00:05:12] While I could ordinarily agree that something like that could be suspicious, I know factually

[00:05:17] that Jay isn't cheating, and he always sends me countless pictures and videos while he's on these

[00:05:22] trips, as well as calling me on the phone when he's particularly excited about a good catch.

[00:05:27] How he's trying to get uniquely sneaky fish, a cool bird he saw, things like that. Even if he's

[00:05:32] gone for 10 hours, my phone will be blowing up for all 10 of those hours with pictures of his

[00:05:37] sunshine smile next to a fish, or videos of him cheering as he shows what he's got on the

[00:05:41] stringer, a long, thin rope used to keep fish alive and attached to your boat in the water.

[00:05:48] I adore these pictures, videos, and phone calls, because they make my heart so full

[00:05:51] with how much joy he feels and how at peace he is on the water. I would join him more often,

[00:05:56] but I usually stay home since it wouldn't be fair to our dogs if both of us left for undefined

[00:06:01] amounts of time on a whim. Instead, I find peace in watching through his eyes, and when he comes

[00:06:06] home, I'm always happy to get the play-by-play of how the trip went while Jay prepares the fish for

[00:06:11] us to eat. We even have a game now where he quizzes me on what type of fish he caught, and if

[00:06:17] I win, I get a big hug. None of this is good enough for Trisha. For years now, she had her suspicions

[00:06:24] about Jay, but I've always brushed them off as I'm secure in my relationship and trust Jay

[00:06:29] implicitly. When Trisha first brought her theory to me, I brought it up to Jay, who was genuinely

[00:06:35] hurt, and asked if I shared in her suspicions and wanted to go fishing less. I told him no,

[00:06:41] but I felt that he deserved to know what Trisha was telling people about him. He understood and

[00:06:45] was willing to let sleeping dogs lie. Over the years, as Jay and I kept on keeping on, unmarried

[00:06:52] in fishy bliss, Trisha became more and more adamant that not only was Jay cheating, but that

[00:06:58] was the reason we weren't married, is that he convinced me to wait for an expensive wedding,

[00:07:02] and he would rather continue on cheating during fake fishing trips. Her proof was his random trips,

[00:07:09] the fact that he doesn't physically touch me a lot when we're in public, and how he never

[00:07:14] lets me go with him. Countless times I've shown her the giant folder of fishing pictures

[00:07:18] and videos in my phone, call logs showing how often we're in communication, and told her I

[00:07:24] didn't need to have him grabbing on me or dangling off me in public to feel secure with him.

[00:07:29] I've brought up our responsibilities as dog owners to not leave them alone for hours on a whim

[00:07:34] without the ability to relieve themselves outside. I've even told her multiple times over

[00:07:38] the years that she's more than welcome to ask Jay if she could tag along on a trip to see for herself

[00:07:43] how committed he is to fishing, but she always refuses. Again, since Jay has been fine with

[00:07:49] ignoring the drama, I let it slide, up until about a week ago. Jay was talking about going on a day

[00:07:55] long fishing trip with two of our friends, Vince and Maria who are married, as they expressed

[00:08:00] interest in going and saw the trip as a sort of blend between a staycation and a chartered boat

[00:08:05] trip. Trisha spoke privately to me, saying that I must be happy that Maria is going,

[00:08:10] since she'll be able to ensure that not only Jay can't cheat on me, but that Vince can't cover for

[00:08:15] him if he tries to. I've finally had enough, as now she was dragging poor Vince into this and

[00:08:21] slandering his character, when all Vince had done was agree to a day trip with an old friend.

[00:08:26] I told Trisha that she needs to either bring her suspicions directly to Jay and hash it out with

[00:08:31] him or let it go, because as far as I'm concerned, she's projecting her issues onto Jay since Trisha

[00:08:37] can't keep a guy longer than three months. While that assessment isn't entirely true, I wanted to

[00:08:43] hurt her feelings and cut her down to size, since that's my sweet Jay she's dragging through the mud.

[00:08:49] Trisha not only took it personally, but she said that I was just naive and was afraid to be single.

[00:08:54] I told Trisha that she was projecting again, since she's a serial dater who scares men off

[00:09:00] with her wannabe Sherlock Holmes nonsense, and she just can't fathom a man with a real hobby because

[00:09:05] she only goes after half-baked fake gym bros more interested in their own tits than hers,

[00:09:11] and wannabe finance bros who blow their entire paychecks on crypto. She stopped talking to me

[00:09:16] after that and hasn't reached out to me since. Granted, I haven't reached out to her either,

[00:09:21] but I'm mad at her because she was rude. Our friend group doesn't really give this

[00:09:25] entire situation much weight, saying stuff like, that's just how she is or what did you expect.

[00:09:31] We know Jay isn't cheating, but he's an exception to the rule. Maybe Trisha just doesn't see that.

[00:09:37] While I was willing to stand my ground at first and not budge on the issue,

[00:09:41] now I'm wondering if maybe I was too harsh and should apologize for being petty just because

[00:09:46] I wanted to knock her down a peg and get her to give up on her theories. Am I the

[00:09:51] asshole and should I apologize or do I keep all ten toes in the ground and let her twist?

[00:10:01] Is this a love story? I'm debating that. She's talking shit about your other half,

[00:10:10] talking shit about your husband, slandering his character. You need to have some hard evidence

[00:10:16] if you're going to approach someone with this kind of shit. You really need to take a step back and

[00:10:22] realize what this person is saying about someone that you love. They're saying this about them,

[00:10:28] accusing them of something awful, which has the possibility, if you weren't so

[00:10:34] secure in your relationship, of damaging it, of ruining it. That's the path she was going down.

[00:10:41] Polar G says, first of all, Jay sounds wonderful. Congrats on snagging him. Good one there,

[00:10:46] good one top bun. I smiled reading when you were talking about him. Very wholesome. Trisha sucks,

[00:10:52] man. Trisha isn't helping anyone. She's actively hurting people's marriages, relationships,

[00:10:58] and friendships. I'd bail on her ASAP. I don't know what you see in a person who has put that

[00:11:04] much time into belittling your wonderful husband. I was also a little irked by people in your group

[00:11:09] chat saying Jay is the exception. How? You said Trisha is always doing this and she's wrong as

[00:11:15] fuck. Why are you friends with Trisha, is fabricating rumors about your friends being gay

[00:11:20] and your husband cheating on you, like to the point that you told Jay this is what she's saying

[00:11:24] about you to people? Like you know she didn't just say it to you, but everyone, and you're still

[00:11:30] letting this bitch hang around. Gross. Top reply saying hearing it framed this way is a shock I

[00:11:36] think I needed. I wanted to get defensive at first but you have a really solid point. Someone else

[00:11:42] here asked if maybe Trisha is interested in Jay. I'm going to dig into that, but now I want to dig

[00:11:48] into this as well. Thank you for your input. It's put a lot into perspective. Chocolate Candy Bar

[00:11:54] Not the arsehole here but why on earth is friend allowed to talk like this about a couple or try

[00:11:59] to out a supposed gay not gay man without anyone telling her to shut the fuck up. Feels like you

[00:12:05] guys got too stuck with the waves and are not seeing how toxic this person is because you're

[00:12:09] used to her being eccentric. But no, this is way too much. It's insane to read I gave my friend

[00:12:16] evidence of husband not cheating, and even if he's cheating it's your business and she can't

[00:12:21] know if you're okay with it. And also it's 2024 and adults are allowed to be married or not,

[00:12:27] only cults care so much for other people's lifestyle. Opie says thank you for your words,

[00:12:33] you and others have helped me get a fresh perspective on everything and I'll be taking

[00:12:36] some time to collect my thoughts and get a plan of action for how to get to the bottom of things

[00:12:40] here. Lots of foul behavior to be sure. So Opie comes in with her first update and says I just

[00:12:47] wanted to give a small update now before I bring the axe down tonight. This will be shorter as Jay

[00:12:53] and I will be going fishing together this afternoon after lunch. I showed Jay the original thread and

[00:12:58] made a heart to heart that lasted until the wee hours of the morning. Firstly he wanted me to

[00:13:03] express his appreciation for you all, as well as a shout out to his fellow fishing enthusiasts.

[00:13:08] He encourages you all to get out there and try your best regardless of your success and to instead

[00:13:13] share with him the joys it brings, even if we can't all go fishing together. After going through

[00:13:19] all your beautiful words and generous support, we shared our thoughts on the matter not only as a

[00:13:23] couple but as two people with different levels of attachment to individuals in our friend group.

[00:13:28] We both agreed that we'd been holding onto these friendships more out of a sense of nostalgia

[00:13:33] and desire to be kind rather than actually examining what these friends brought to the

[00:13:37] table and whether or not they enriched our lives. We'd been distracted by a desire for community

[00:13:43] and old bonds, sacrificing our comfort and respect for not only ourselves but our choice to be

[00:13:48] together and have a dynamic that some may not view as normal or valid in some capacities.

[00:13:53] While Jay and I have different views on what certain friends mean to us, we agree that enough

[00:13:58] is enough and it's time to not only establish boundaries but to not give an inch to those

[00:14:03] who have caused us to come to this, Trisha especially. That said, Jay is a good man,

[00:14:09] a strong, whip-smart, generous man and reading the feedback you all provided made me realize

[00:14:14] something. I am fucking angry. I allowed a venomous waste of air around my sweet Jay,

[00:14:21] my Jay. She slandered him, belittled me, devalued what we have and I allowed it,

[00:14:27] like some sort of coward. It's going to end now and I'm ending it my way. I will not be

[00:14:33] allowing Trisha to slink away from this or have room to twist words to make me look like anything

[00:14:38] other than a woman with righteous fury regarding the man she vowed to honor and protect. I'm sorry

[00:14:44] to report I will not be taking the high road, nor will I be handling this with tact and decorum.

[00:14:49] I'm blowing this bitch's social life sky fucking high along with anybody that sides with her.

[00:14:54] Scorched earth, no prisoners, blood for the blood god.

[00:14:59] Holy moly, this just went the other way.

[00:15:02] Two little comments from that one.

[00:15:04] Flowmobe JoBlo says as she takes off the earrings and says

[00:15:07] hold my purse, shit just got real.

[00:15:11] MoU says I'm popping the popcorn and waiting for the update.

[00:15:16] The OP comes in with her update and says I'm going to keep this as brief as possible

[00:15:19] while still covering it, as there is a lot to cover involving about 15 people

[00:15:24] and it's still all hitting the fan. Added the NSFW flair as some of the adult topics

[00:15:29] will be mentioned below including potential SA, sexual assault and drug abuse.

[00:15:42] During the fishing trip yesterday I blocked Trisha on everything and reached out to people

[00:15:46] to say that Jay and I would be distancing ourselves from Trisha, why we were and shared

[00:15:52] what theory Trisha had about them if there was one, along with any screenshots or evidence I

[00:15:57] had of Trisha talking about them. I also asked a few friends who might know if Trisha

[00:16:01] might be interested in Jay, as some people pointed out that might have been a motivation

[00:16:06] for her to get between us. Here's what's been dug up so far.

[00:16:11] Matt, the friend Trisha alleged was gay, confirmed again that he isn't gay. He shared a story about

[00:16:17] how he, his roommate and Trisha had a get together at one point where they drank and

[00:16:22] smoked some weed. During the night Trisha got handsy and tried getting together with

[00:16:26] Matt's roommate who declined. When they sobered up the following morning Trisha said it should

[00:16:32] be fine because men like that sort of thing. After that Matt and his roommate weren't comfortable

[00:16:37] with her and effectively barred her from going to their place. Matt suspects this is the origin

[00:16:42] of the gay rumor and he's chosen to step away from the social group to re-evaluate some things.

[00:16:47] I didn't want to press him so I left it there. Vince and Maria have gone dark. Maria believed

[00:16:53] that Trisha was the victim in all this and Vince was vague in his responses and seemed to be taking

[00:16:58] a more hands off approach but they stopped responding when another friend sent a screenshot

[00:17:03] of Trisha alluding to them being swingers because they have a decorative pineapple on their kitchen

[00:17:07] counter. Neither of them have anyone blocked but no one can get a response out of them either.

[00:17:13] One friend got into an argument with his girlfriend after said girlfriend went through

[00:17:17] his phone because of the drama and found either texts or pics, I don't know which,

[00:17:22] that according to her proves he's been sleeping with Trisha on and off. I heard this from his

[00:17:27] brother who reached out after his girlfriend left a voicemail saying she's kicking the friend out

[00:17:32] and the brother wanted to know what was going on. I'm not sure exactly what's happening there

[00:17:37] as that friend has also gone dark and none of us know the girlfriend very well or have

[00:17:41] her phone number. One friend came clean about her struggles with prescription pain meds

[00:17:46] after her mother lost her battle with cancer because Trisha had been trying to blackmail her

[00:17:50] into getting dirt on Matt, Jay and Vince and was using the drug abuse as leverage. Admittedly a

[00:17:57] lot of my attention got diverted after this came to light because that's a much bigger problem than

[00:18:02] my beef with Trisha. We're still working on creating a good way for people to be a support

[00:18:06] system for her moving forward and that will be what we as a group will focus on from here on out.

[00:18:12] An old friend of Jay's dropped a nuke by revealing that Trisha tried blowing him in the bathroom

[00:18:17] during a friendsgiving dinner we had last year, only to turn around and try to blow a different

[00:18:22] guy in the bathroom after Chris turned her down. Jay, some other friends and I created a new discord

[00:18:28] server for all the friends coming out of this drama against Trisha and so far there's been a

[00:18:32] lot of comparing dates, texts, discord DMs but it looks like Trisha has been trying to either sleep

[00:18:38] with or break up every guy in the friend group, as well as either get rid of or get leverage on

[00:18:43] every girlfriend in the group. Either way we have bigger fish to fry now, it's time to put all this

[00:18:49] behind us and help our friend who really needs it. Thank you for all your kind words and helpful

[00:18:53] advice, even the harsh stuff. Two top comments from that one, always on side tbh says holy shit

[00:19:00] Trisha is a much bigger arsehole than ever anticipated initially. Fuck her and her very

[00:19:06] being, she deserves to be all alone and sad with nobody to talk to after all the stuff she's been

[00:19:10] doing behind everyone's back. Blackmailing someone who just lost their mother is terrible,

[00:19:16] she's genuinely such a bad human being, a disgusting person. Also I'm guessing she's

[00:19:21] pretty unattractive if everyone is turning down her advances lol. She's definitely jealous of

[00:19:27] all of you guys in happy relationships. Katerz Haterz says Swinger pineapples,

[00:19:33] blackmail, bathroom blowjobs and of course fishing. This update had everything, 10 out of 10,

[00:19:39] no notes. Blackmailing someone that's gone through a traumatic experience, grieving,

[00:19:45] is now struggling with prescription pain meds. It takes a special kind of evil for someone to do

[00:19:52] that, holy moly. I always wonder like trying to get into Trisha's mind, I don't want to obviously,

[00:19:59] but trying to get into their mind and think how they go about their day-to-day life. Do

[00:20:03] they not ever step back and say wow I am an arsehole or they just think everything is

[00:20:08] completely normal that they're the good guys and there's for some weird arse reason. But now

[00:20:14] I'm going to turn this one to you guys, what do you guys make of this situation? Let me know your

[00:20:20] thoughts down in the comments below. And just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for

[00:20:25] getting involved in today's stories, your love, your support, your time always means the absolute

[00:20:29] world to me. So thank you so so much for being involved truly and hopefully I will see you in

[00:20:34] the next one. Take care and much love.

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