My Husbands Comments About My Sister May Have Driven Her Away From Me r/Relationships

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[00:00:56] I've known my husband for six years, been married for one. I moved across the country

[00:01:21] for college when I was 18, where I met my 24 husband 25. I've only been back a couple of times over

[00:01:28] the years, mostly for holidays but my husband had never gone back with me until we ended up moving

[00:01:34] back to be closer to my family. Since we've been back I've been trying to get closer to my family,

[00:01:40] especially with my sister. She was in some bad relationships and cut off contact with me

[00:01:46] and my parents for a few years. But she's back now and I'd hope that we'll be able to build a

[00:01:51] relationship. I had noticed that she'd not been coming over to my place as much,

[00:01:56] not spending as much time with her family. And then a few weekends ago she asked me if we could

[00:02:01] talk. She said that she felt she wanted to let me know that my husband had been making comments

[00:02:07] and saying things to her that she thought were inappropriate. My sister is gorgeous,

[00:02:12] beyond beautiful and she's always attracted attention, even from married men.

[00:02:18] My husband had been making comments about her body and her looks, compliments but ones that made

[00:02:23] her feel uncomfortable. During Christmas he told her how attractive she was and some stuff about

[00:02:29] how lucky her boyfriend was. Since then she's been trying not to be around him as much by

[00:02:35] not coming around as much and was afraid of how I was going to react if I found out.

[00:02:40] I was obviously really upset but I told her that I understood and that it wasn't her fault and

[00:02:45] that it wouldn't happen again. My husband and I ended up in a fight when I confronted him about

[00:02:51] what she had told me. But eventually he admitted that he'd said most of that stuff to her.

[00:02:56] Even though he tried to pass it off like he didn't mean anything by it, I made it clear

[00:03:01] that he wasn't to say anything like what he said to her again and that he'd apologize for

[00:03:05] her's inappropriateness. He agreed with everything I asked of him. I let him know about my conversation

[00:03:11] with my husband and that he'd apologize whenever she felt like hearing it but she's still not been

[00:03:16] coming around to family events. I'm so scared that his comments have driven a wedge between my

[00:03:22] sister and the rest of us. She and I hadn't talked for a long time until I had moved back

[00:03:27] and I've been scared that something is going to make her want to leave again.

[00:03:32] He didn't mean anything by it. We all knew exactly what he meant. He's complimenting her body,

[00:03:39] her looks and generally making her feel uncomfortable telling her that her boyfriend is lucky. So we've

[00:03:45] already got creep-ass level behavior and the disrespect towards you at the same time as well.

[00:03:50] I'd be out of that situation at some weird-ass behavior.

[00:03:54] Alison Reverse says everyone is telling you that your husband is a creep. Stop

[00:03:59] defending him and let that sink in. He's married to you and still openly hits on your sister.

[00:04:04] You have to know if he's shitting this close to where he is. This is not the first time.

[00:04:10] Take the blinders off already. Dahlia Darling says

[00:04:14] you saying that he's been hitting on a sister is the absolute correct verbiage

[00:04:18] to be using in this situation. I hope you keep saying that he was making compliments to

[00:04:23] her sister about her body and looks which mildly implies a sort of tainess to the actual

[00:04:28] act. Like no, her husband hadn't simply been complimenting her sister. He was in fact endlessly

[00:04:34] hitting on another woman who also happens to be a sister which makes it all even worse.

[00:04:39] And hitting on someone else when you're in a relationship isn't borderline cheating

[00:04:43] like some may argue. It effectively is cheating on your partner just like if it was a woman

[00:04:49] repeatedly hitting on another man despite having a husband waiting. Everyone would immediately

[00:04:54] identify that woman would be in the act of cheating on her spouse.

[00:04:58] The user says to OP why are you not more concerned with your husband wanting to fuck your sister?

[00:05:04] OP says I am believe me. I was crying for days when I found out but right now

[00:05:08] I'm just scared of losing my sister because of my husband and I don't know how to fix it.

[00:05:13] The user says if I were her I'd see you as inextricably tied to him as long as you're

[00:05:17] married to him. I'd imagine the knowledge that you stay with him despite this won't

[00:05:22] exactly make your sister trust you. OP says that's what I'm afraid of and I don't know what to do

[00:05:27] about it. Splitting up with my husband the only way to keep my relationship with my sister.

[00:05:32] And Tucker says as a married man I do not comment on the appearance of any women unless

[00:05:36] my wife directly asks me. This doesn't mean that I don't find other women attractive.

[00:05:41] I am human. I'm dedicated to my wife though and save my compliments for her.

[00:05:46] If your husband is bold enough to do that to your own sister I promise you he's doing it

[00:05:51] to every woman he finds attractive when you aren't around. I don't always remember to wear my ring

[00:05:56] when I leave the house but I always remember to act like I'm married when I leave the house.

[00:06:00] I had a 20-something attractive woman try to give me a number a while back and I just said

[00:06:05] I'm flattered but my wife would be really upset if I called you tonight. It's easy

[00:06:10] to not be sleazy. So 12 days later OP comes in with I was honestly so surprised by the

[00:06:16] amount of responses that my original post garnered. I tried to read everyone's thoughts and I just

[00:06:22] want to say that I'm really grateful to everyone who offered some perspective and took the time to

[00:06:26] share their thoughts even if they were upset with the fact that I was handling everything in the wrong

[00:06:30] way. I wanted to update anyone who is interested in the state of everything right now. I feel

[00:06:35] like I'm going to be making people upset and angry but I'm just trying to work out all

[00:06:40] that has happened in the last few weeks. I'm hoping that I can eventually wrap my head

[00:06:44] around the situation and make better choices. One of the things that many people said is that

[00:06:48] my husband may have said or done more than my sister had told me that she's feeling unsafe and that

[00:06:54] I've betrayed her. This thought is what has gotten to me the most and it's been weighing on my

[00:06:59] shoulders. I'm struggling very hard with what to do next. The main update I have is that my

[00:07:04] sister and I have been talking. She hasn't been responding to most of my messages and calls

[00:07:09] since the last time that we had spoken in person, which is when I told her what I talked about with

[00:07:14] my husband. The last message I sent her was one that asked if she wanted to get lunch,

[00:07:18] which was the day before I posted. She ended up answering that a couple of days later after

[00:07:24] the post and agreed to have lunch with me. When we met up, she acted very normal. She

[00:07:29] seemed very much like her usual self, very bubbly and outgoing. I honestly can't tell if she's

[00:07:35] actually more upset and bothered than she's appearing. Her birthday is coming up at the end

[00:07:39] of this month and she wants to have a girl's trip or weekend away and she wants my help planning

[00:07:44] everything. She seems excited about that and as far as I can tell, she's behaving as if

[00:07:49] everything is fine. I didn't know if I should bring up the situation with my husband but I

[00:07:54] ended up asking her about it again. She reiterated what she had told me before.

[00:07:59] He complimented her on her looks and her outfits in a suggestive way.

[00:08:03] I had said the thing about her boyfriend being a lucky man. She said again that she was mostly

[00:08:08] concerned with how I was going to feel about it. I didn't ask her if she felt unsafe around him.

[00:08:14] I feel now like I should have but at the time, I was still afraid that she didn't trust me

[00:08:19] and might feel like I was putting her on the spot. During lunch, I asked her what she

[00:08:23] would think if I left him. She repeated that her main worry before coming to me was

[00:08:28] causing issues between my husband and I. I told me that she didn't like my husband

[00:08:33] and didn't think he was a good guy in general and especially for me. I'm still worried about her

[00:08:38] as she feels threatened and afraid of my husband but right now, she's acting like she's okay with me.

[00:08:44] I'm hoping that if things continue to seem normal, we can continue to talk and she might

[00:08:48] open up more. Since that lunch, we've seen each other several times. I made dinner for

[00:08:53] my mum last Sunday and she came over to eat with us and then we did some planning for her

[00:08:58] birthday. Again, she's still acting if everything is normal but I'm still incredibly worried about her.

[00:09:05] The other thing that happened is that I started sleeping over at my mum's house.

[00:09:09] My mum has been having health and mobility issues. I've made it difficult for her to do a lot.

[00:09:14] I have been trying to do as much as I could for her but she's been needing someone around more

[00:09:18] full time. I've been so overwhelmed these past few months driving over to her house every

[00:09:24] day to drop off food and do the things around the house that she needed. I'd already been

[00:09:28] considering finding someone to stay with her until she's back on her feet. After everything

[00:09:33] that happened and then what I read in the last post, I talked to her about it. She agreed to let

[00:09:38] me stay with her in exchange for helping her out more. My mum's extra bedrooms are used as

[00:09:43] storage so I had to spend last weekend uncluttering a place to sleep but one of my

[00:09:48] sister's friends came over to help me clear out the room and I've been staying here since

[00:09:51] then. My husband figured out what I was doing and asked if it was because of what happened with my

[00:09:56] sister. I told him that I wasn't lying about wanting to help my mum more but that it was a part

[00:10:01] of it. He was pretty upset that eventually he let go. Right now my primary focus has to be on

[00:10:08] helping my mum and bringing my grades up. In grad school and I've been too anxious and upset

[00:10:13] over the last few weeks to concentrate and I can't afford to let my GPA slide.

[00:10:18] I'm also trying to be available for my sister whenever she wants to talk,

[00:10:21] even though things appear to be stable with her right now. I'm still really anxious over what she

[00:10:26] might be thinking and feeling. It's a lot and I'm really struggling with figuring out how to balance

[00:10:32] everything right now. My sister has been really helpful and so has a friend. My sister brought

[00:10:37] dinner for me and my mum this week and her friend left some frozen meals for me to heat up

[00:10:41] when I'm too tired or busy to cook. He's also going to help me get my mum to her doctor's

[00:10:46] appointments this week. I'm scared to admit that I still don't know what to do about my husband.

[00:10:51] I got so many messages and DMs from people that were upset that I hadn't left him yet but I'm

[00:10:56] still just feeling too overwhelmed to really come to terms with everything. I'm just trying

[00:11:01] to get through the next month. I've got midterms and my sister's birthday and then I feel like

[00:11:05] I can take a breath and take some time to figure out what to do about my relationship.

[00:11:10] It's very hard to think clearly right now and I hope that the space between my husband and

[00:11:14] I is going to help and not hinder that. My husband is extremely upset. He's been calling and texting

[00:11:20] night and day with all the same questions that I couldn't answer in my last post.

[00:11:24] I feel bad that I don't have any answers for anyone yet but unfortunately I'm still trying

[00:11:30] to figure it out. Again, I know there are so many people that are going to hate me for this

[00:11:34] and I'm sorry but I'm still trying to wrap my mind around everything and personally,

[00:11:39] and we do have another update in a second, but personally I wouldn't hate OP for the

[00:11:43] way that they're feeling right now. Dealing with all these kinds of emotions and everything that's

[00:11:48] going on with their mind, I can't hate OP for something like that. It's difficult. Not for

[00:11:53] all people obviously but for some people it's difficult to, like OP says, get your head around

[00:11:58] all these things and you need to take some time to evaluate the situation and move with a proper

[00:12:02] plan forward especially if you don't have the tools to deal with those. Some people like

[00:12:07] myself, I've learned a lot about emotions and feelings and dealing with situations

[00:12:12] from reading these stories, believe it or not and we all have to learn these things

[00:12:16] from somewhere. We're not born with these tools and especially if you've been in a relationship

[00:12:21] where certain things have been normalized. We didn't got too much on OP's past history

[00:12:27] with this relationship but it sounds like if he's making comments about the sister so openly

[00:12:32] like that and the sister has confirmed that he's not a great person it's kind of saying

[00:12:35] get all really isn't it and it does make me think what is going on in the background of this relation.

[00:13:05] Thanks for sharing. A couple of comments from the update before the next update.

[00:13:35] Adventurer's basis says big change can be scary but honestly if your husband felt comfortable

[00:13:40] making those types of comments with your sister then probably it's the tip of the iceberg. I think

[00:13:45] you're making the right moves. It is also to take you time, you don't have to rush to leave him and

[00:13:50] set things on fire. Sometimes people just need time to process plan and execute and that is okay.

[00:13:56] You are showing support for your sister and your mum and have out your husband on notice.

[00:14:01] None of those things are small things. Be proud.

[00:14:04] OP says I didn't see this comment until today but I just wanted to say thank you for this.

[00:14:09] At this point I don't think that my husband and I are going to reconcile.

[00:14:12] I don't have a plan beyond this but I don't see us getting past the things that have happened.

[00:14:17] Thanks for your perspective. I really appreciate you putting your thoughts here.

[00:14:21] And a final comment from Beneficial Remove who says if my spouse behaved that way

[00:14:24] towards anyone I'd be calling divorce attorneys.

[00:14:27] Behaving that way towards my sibling? Burn that bridge. He's a creep.

[00:14:32] It feels like you're excusing it because your sister is very conventionally attractive.

[00:14:36] Just like you're gaslighting yourself. You're normalizing abnormal and predatory behavior.

[00:14:42] Most men do not drool over and hit on their sister-in-laws.

[00:14:45] No matter how beautiful they are. Think about it. There are lots and lots of famous models

[00:14:50] and actresses who are considered the most beautiful women in the world.

[00:14:54] Many have happily married sisters. I'm pretty sure the vast majority of those husbands are not

[00:14:58] being creeps around their gorgeous sisters-in-laws. Your husband's behavior is not normal.

[00:15:04] I really don't care how apologetic he is. He's only saying it because he got caught and called

[00:15:08] out. We would have kept it on the download forever if your sister hadn't said anything.

[00:15:13] I'm pretty sure at least part of the reason he's trying to smooth things over with you

[00:15:17] is to stay in proximity to your sister. You met and married this guy when you were

[00:15:22] really young. Talk it up to a start of marriage. Learn your lesson and move on.

[00:15:26] You're 24 and in grad school with a great family. Don't let this albatross of a husband drag you down.

[00:15:33] And then a month later OP gives the final update and says I wasn't planning on making

[00:15:38] another update post but I got a couple of comments and messages today so I wanted to

[00:15:42] put out my final update. My husband and I are going to be splitting up.

[00:15:46] Like I said in my other update, I went ahead and moved in with my mom

[00:15:50] to take care of her for a few months. Hoping that time apart will give me some clarity about

[00:15:54] everything. And like I said in the previous post, my husband didn't really like that at all.

[00:16:00] We've probably fought more over the past month than we have in our entire marriage.

[00:16:04] Then during one of our arguments he ended up saying some awful, nasty things about my

[00:16:09] sister and at that point I didn't want to go any further with him or the relationship.

[00:16:13] I'm still at a loss of what to do next. One of my sister's friends got me in touch

[00:16:17] with a lawyer and it's been overwhelming. I've still got mother and grad school in my job

[00:16:22] but with divorce on the docket, I'm just trying to keep my head above water right now.

[00:16:26] Also, I just want to say thank you to the people who gave me encouragement

[00:16:30] and wanted to give me some genuine guidance. And absolutely good riddance to that guy and

[00:16:36] fair play to OP. Like you said, it's overwhelming, it's crazy, it's a lot to deal with mentally

[00:16:44] but I think it's something that just had to happen within this relationship. It felt so unhealthy

[00:16:49] especially when the sister was coming in and saying you know he's not a good guy.

[00:16:52] But all I can say now is lean on the people around you, the people that love you,

[00:16:56] the people that support you to help get you through this time and I'm sure they will help you through it.

[00:17:02] But Disney Buckeye says I'm sorry you're going through this but I'm happy to see this update.

[00:17:06] I don't think you'd ever have been able to look at your husband the same way.

[00:17:09] The force is hard, it's messy, it's emotional, it gets worse before you get better.

[00:17:14] And it can be embarrassing because you're telling a stranger, your attorney,

[00:17:18] everything about your marriage. Lean on your friends and family and take it one step at a time.

[00:17:23] One thing I did that helped me. I made a list of things I needed to do and then crossed them

[00:17:28] off when I finished them. Added to the list all the time but it made it more manageable.

[00:17:33] Plus I could see the tangible results when I was despairing about whether or not I was

[00:17:37] making any progress. You can do this. An OP said that was the final update so we can only take

[00:17:44] their word on that. So I only wish you the best for the future OP. I hope you know that the force

[00:17:50] is through in the fog lifts. You see that you're a free person again to do what you want and

[00:17:55] you're out of that relationship which did sound incredibly worrying but what do you guys

[00:17:59] make of this situation? Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below

[00:18:04] and let's move on to another story which is from the MIVR Soul subreddit. It doesn't have an update

[00:18:11] is yet. It's from lazycheescake4424 and says MIVR Soul for refusing to cover my scar

[00:18:18] and wearing a bikini as it triggered my friend. Absolutely not. We stopped the story there but

[00:18:25] oh well check it out just see what happens. My 24 female had a cancer scare a few years back

[00:18:31] and had a biopsy done on my upper leg. The scar has faded now but it is still fairly noticeable

[00:18:37] and about 7cm long. Thankfully it was only a scare and nothing came of it. For a while I was

[00:18:44] insecure about it and stopped wearing skirts or tight leggings where you could see the outline

[00:18:49] of the scar. But now that I'm accepted it's going to be there I started to wear whatever

[00:18:54] and realised nobody cares about it apart from the old question. We went to the beach yesterday

[00:19:00] as a friend group and I wore a bikini. I was excited to get a tan and my friend Anna

[00:19:05] wore her other friend Dana, 25 female. I've met her before but don't know her very well.

[00:19:11] However I do know she started a fundraiser for her mum who is fighting cancer right now.

[00:19:16] Dana's family situation is quite difficult as her dad passed away recently and her mum has

[00:19:21] stage 4 and Dana is juggling a lot. I came earlier than Anna and Dana so I was already

[00:19:27] in my bikini when they joined us and Dana was nice to me and asked about my new job.

[00:19:31] Then Anna went to say hi to the others and Dana mentioned my scar and recognised it was a biopsy.

[00:19:37] She asked if I could wear a beach cover up and it was triggering to her and insensitive of me

[00:19:42] as I know her mum is going through it right now. I said no, I'm here to get a tan and

[00:19:47] the cover up will ruin that and Dana didn't say anything but didn't talk to me for the

[00:19:52] rest of the day. Today telling me Dana told her what happened and while she's agreeing Dana's

[00:19:58] comment was weird I should have given her a free pass as she is not in the best place mentally

[00:20:02] right now. I said it was really weird and no I wouldn't. I genuinely don't think I'm in the

[00:20:08] wrong and think she's being really weird about the situation. Obviously if I'm in the wrong

[00:20:14] I will apologise. We've covered many many stories with various triggers throughout time on this

[00:20:21] channel and the outcome that's generally there is you're responsible for your own triggers.

[00:20:28] You can have empathy for the situation they're going through and I absolutely do. Their mum

[00:20:33] having stage 4 cancer is a nightmare, it's heartbreaking, it's painful and it does mess

[00:20:40] with you mentally as well so I totally get that side but asking you to cover up your scar

[00:20:45] you know it's just not on but Paz says not the arsehole at all while I feel for her and what she's

[00:20:51] going through it is absolutely not okay to ask someone to put a cover up on you to a scar if

[00:20:56] someone has a trigger it is their responsibility to handle it not everyone else is to change for

[00:21:00] them. You're at the beach it is completely acceptable that you wear your bikini and good for

[00:21:05] you for not letting your scar deter you from what you want to do but what's all ranch says

[00:21:09] not the arsehole at all it's ridiculous that she expected you to cover up like that the

[00:21:14] triggers are her responsibility to manage and not have others accommodate to her if the scar is too

[00:21:19] much for her she can remove herself from the situation and Canadian cutie says not the arsehole you

[00:21:24] had a cancer scare and that's why you have a scar. Her asking you to cover up is weird and

[00:21:30] and like she's saying only her family matters when it comes to the effects of cancer but

[00:21:34] she asks someone going through cancer treatment to cover up someone is bald does she ask them

[00:21:39] to hide it because it's triggering she doesn't get a free pass just because her life is tough right now

[00:21:44] and a lot of the comments were basically the same saying the same thing over and over but what do you

[00:21:49] guys make of this situation let me know your thoughts down in the comment below that just a

[00:21:56] huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's stories your love

[00:22:01] your support your time always means the absolute world to me so thank you so so much for being

[00:22:05] involved and hopefully i will see you in the next one take care and much love

[00:22:36] okay

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