My Husband Said He Would Choose His Parents Dog If One Of Us Had To Live r/Relationships

[00:00:02] Als Kind ist einfach alles um einen herum riesengroß. Kinder haben Bedürfnisse, die man als Erwachsener zum Teil falsch einschätzt. Verschenkt man zum Beispiel eine Babypuppe, ist diese oft zu groß für kleine Kinderhände. Als Einstieg für Kinder ab einem Jahr eignet sich daher viel besser die Babyborn Lena in 36 Zentimeter. Sie lässt sich leicht herumtragen und ist mit ihren altersgerechten Spielfunktionen perfekt auf die kleinsten zugeschnitten. Füttern, spielen, Fläschchen geben und aufs Töpfchen gehen. Alles kinderleicht.

[00:00:36] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider? Hit another like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from AlarmingSquirrel129. And it says,

[00:00:58] My husband said if I ever had to choose to let either me or his parents' dogs live, he'd choose the dog. Now I want to leave. Am I the arsehole here? My husband is watching two out of four of his parents' golden retrievers during Christmas. So two of them are here at our apartment. They are old and sweet and one of them can barely walk.

[00:01:22] I've always loved his parents' dog and I love them when they are here. The other night though, he let me know that it is a priority that the dogs, well mainly one dog since the other can't get on there, get to sleep on the bed. And I either need to sleep on the guest bed or move my legs for the dog. I asked why they couldn't sleep on the guest bed or floor or literally anywhere else. He said because they are used to sleeping with him. He was single and living with his parents until he met me at age 34. So the dog slept on his bed.

[00:01:51] And we're his rock. We got married last February and he left the dogs at his parents'. It's a queen bed and the golden is huge. So he takes up most of it. He also won't move when gently pushed and likes to place himself in the middle of the completely left side of the bed. My husband told me not to make him move or shove him, but to work around him. When I gently laid my leg on top of the dog, he said it was too heavy for the dog. I'm thin and my leg is very light.

[00:02:21] Mind you, my husband then got to sleep and stretched out on his bed. The first morning I woke up on my side wanting to die. The dog's massive weight had contorted the bed in just enough of a way to bend my back backwards and make me think I was literally having a double kidney infection. I must have slept in a semi-backbent position all night. Last night I asked him to switch places with me. He did so to prove a point. Five minutes after laying on the gravity-inducing sinkhole of the dog's half of the bed,

[00:02:51] my husband wails in pain like something sharp had stabbed him in the back. He changed positions, but I insisted he sleep on the dog's side with the dog because I was so sore. Before we went to sleep I was listening to him whisper sweet nothings to the dog. I'm not the weird jealous type over dogs. I grew up with two goldens and a shih tzu, and I truly adore dogs. But he wouldn't even touch me when they are around. They 100% fill his emotional cup.

[00:03:18] Sometimes we'll be out at a restaurant or something and he'll stare off with the teary eyes. When I ask him what's up, he says he misses his dogs. Multiple times I will ask him what he's deep in thought about, and he says his dogs. I asked him if he wanted to snuggle and he said no. He kept making comments about how he's sad his dogs don't have more room. I've noticed I've had this increasing awareness that he might 100% value his dogs more than me.

[00:03:45] I explain this away to myself as being logical, as we've only been married since February. For context, I grew up always putting others first and valuing myself as less inherently than those around me. Church taught me that God wants us to put others before ourselves, and I spiraled. This seems silly, but an example of this is that I would show up to church with my family, and there would be one donut left. My blood sugar was routinely low, and I'd help my three little brothers get ready so I didn't have time to eat.

[00:04:15] I would let whatever old person have the last donut, and I would go completely sweaty and black out. But this was the extreme fear I developed of ever putting myself first. Back to the scene in bed. I finally said, kind of jokingly, that I sometimes feel he loves his dogs more than me. He got quiet. Like I said, I was kind of joking at first, but his silence was silent. I said, oh my god, do you? Silence. Are you serious?

[00:04:45] He finally sighed and said, well, they are my babies, they're my everything. I was completely silent. Stunned. I'm also aware that love for the dogs and human love are not the easiest things to have compared in question like this. But it seems like he wasn't aware of that because the boy knew how to answer. I asked if he was serious, and he said yes. I pushed it further because, of course I did. I had to know the extent of this unsettling answer. I asked if a gun was to either my head or the dog's head.

[00:05:14] Would he choose me or the dogs? He got quiet again and told me that's not a fair question because that would never happen. What the fuck? So I insisted on my hypothetical question because now I was just shell-shocked. He finally admitted that he would choose to let me die over the dogs. Oh, and my daughter, his stepdaughter. He said he'd choose to let both me and my daughter die over his parents' dogs.

[00:05:41] I was visibly upset and shocked at how serious he was answering. I said, do you even love me? He got quiet. I asked again. Silence. He could see I was horrified and tearing up. He finally got annoyed and said of course he does, and that he only hesitated because it was a stupid question. He then said he was kidding about the dog stuff and only answered that way to show me how those were stupid questions. Only guys, he wasn't kidding. I really believe no part of this was a joke.

[00:06:11] I know joking. He was not kidding at all. Specialist Leak says to the OP, divorce him and definitely cite that on the divorce papers. Especially the part where he told you to leave the marital bed so his dogs could sleep there. Make the world know that he would rather sleep with his dog than his wife, and that he would choose his dog over his wife. Get him to admit it in text, because he will definitely spin it in a way that makes you the bad guy.

[00:06:37] Good research says this man hasn't actively lived with the dog since moving in with you. They're not used to sleeping with him. It'd be one thing to say, baby, I really miss my dogs. Can I spend the night with them in the guest bedroom so I don't make you uncomfortable? But to force you into discomfort, then experience it himself and not apologize. Then everything about the dogs. You were right. That was not a joke. It was a very serious situation and very serious question.

[00:07:05] And even if he could make a joke in that situation, you need to leave. But to say he would let you and your daughter die. Take that man by the balls and cut them off. He loves the dog so much he can join them. Then get yourself that divorce. The commenter says, I'm an animal lover. Like, I correctly have my five critters and three fosters and regularly pets it. I've had as many as 13 animals in my home at once. I literally do love my animals more than most people. But it's not something you say.

[00:07:34] It's something you think when you're in a mood about arseholes. I love my animals like some people love human children. But I still know there's a difference. I might have 15 to 20 years with an animal but could have 70 plus with a person. I'm upgrading to a king size bed so my pets have more room. I have 5 to 10 pet beds in each room. When I say I'm ridiculous, believe me. And I'm not this level of ridiculous or clueless as to what you say to your partner.

[00:08:01] I'm also asexual and aromantic with a dash of autism. And even I know that this guy's an arsehole and you deserve better. And one more comment from Rwana who says, Divorce that man baby and send him back to live with his precious dogs and mummy. He's a loser and now you know you can't trust him. If you're at work and your daughter was home with him and his dogs and the house caught fire. Would you trust him to pull your daughter out? He literally said he wouldn't save your daughter's life over a dog's.

[00:08:31] You will never be able to trust this man. He's made it clear and even told you he loves the dogs more than you or your daughter. My husband is a huge dog person. He's incredibly bonded with our dogs but he would never say such fucked up things and he absolutely would choose his human family over his dogs. If that's how your husband thinks, then he doesn't need to be in a relationship at all. He's better off living his life alone with his dogs. No, that's not a jab. That's literally what he should do.

[00:08:59] He is not a partner or father material. And yeah, you could be partially blamed for pushing an answer because ask stupid questions, get stupid answers. But wouldn't you rather push and know this is how he feels than to live in ignorance until his love is put to the test in a real life situation? Leave, divorce, kick him to the curb. Send him back to mummy and daddy's not the arsehole. So Opie came in with a first update and they said,

[00:09:25] So I've been reading all your comments and obviously gaslighting myself on if he was joking. He doubled down yesterday morning and said he only answered that way because I was being ridiculous. I don't know. I still felt uneasy about everything. Last night I was like sick, exhausted. My throat was swollen, my back hurt and I had gotten two hours of sleep the night before. When I went to go to sleep, this time both dogs were on the bed,

[00:09:51] I asked if we could lift the dog that can't walk well to the floor since that's where he likes to sleep, as he can't get on or off the bed alone. He got up to try to gently move him off the floor but the golden didn't much prefer it, so my husband instantly gave up. Now mind you, the dog is literally taking up the lower left corner, one quarter or more of the bed. I asked if he could gently insist the dog get on the floor.

[00:10:16] He explained that he will need to move to the floor later in the night but he doesn't feel like it currently, so no, he wouldn't be making a move right now if the pup didn't delight in the thought right this instance. The dog got to stay. I said this makes no sense to me because you'll have to wake up from us sleeping to move him later. He doubled down. I focused on the second dog who was stretched out to consume the entire right half of the bed. My husband laid between them, spooning him.

[00:10:44] That left a small two foot by three foot area in the upper left corner of the bed for me, and I wasn't allowed to accidentally let my foot touch them in a way that could put pressure on them. Obviously, I lost my shit at this point. Having read most of your comments, I started telling him that this was insane, to grow up, to actually put me first or go marry your dogs. I said this is so pathetic and embarrassing for me to be less value than your dogs to you.

[00:11:11] You can't put your golden through silent discomfort and move them to the floor so your sick wife can sleep. He responded with, move to the guest room. I said no. He says fine, I'll move to the guest room. I said I really want to actually spend time with you since my kiddo is out of town. We've never spent time together. Let's both go to the guest room and the dogs can have our bed. He says no, it has to be just one of us, because he wants the dogs to have one adult as a comfort presence,

[00:11:40] and both have full access to the bed. I obviously am floored at this point. Around this time, the dog that sleeps on the floor somehow moved himself off the bed to the floor, even though I didn't think he could without help due to his hips. My husband notices and instantly freaks out, asking if I made the dog get off the bed. I said no. He then says I should leave. I'm insane. He wants a divorce, and they will always be more important to him. He slept holding them so gently and scrumptiously.

[00:12:09] So that's the story of how I'm sitting upstairs, trying to figure out how to unpack my stuff, and leave to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas alone, because I'm less than two dogs. Oh, and it's storming outside. So Opie came in with another update and said the actual reason I haven't left my husband, the one who would choose the dogs over me, is I feel too guilty because I think he's autistic. Am I the arsehole? Hi. I just wrote the two posts about how my husband, given the choice between letting me,

[00:12:38] or his parents' dogs live, would choose his dogs. I don't even know how to write this next part, because it sounds so bad in every way. Someone commented on one of the posts saying that I think he's 100% autistic. One of my close friends is autistic, and I've learned a lot from them. I'm fully aware there is a spectrum. I also want to say that I used to be a terrible anti-vaxxer, and then saw the light, and now speak at events against ableism, and advocate against the notion of vaccines causing autism.

[00:13:08] I am constantly grateful by the absolute gift to the universe my autistic friends are, and I'm humbled I get to learn from them. My husband has never been diagnosed as autistic. Please forgive me, because I don't know if it's preferred to say autistic or having autism, and my heart is in the right place. I just truly don't know what the preferred term is, because people have told me a few different preferences over the years. Possibly relevant side note, I have ADD, and am medicated,

[00:13:36] and think that I have auditory processing disorder. I have PTSD and anxiety as well. I'm actually really struggling with this comment, because I've always wondered if he was autistic, because the things he said to make me wonder like, maybe he doesn't realize his obsession with his dogs to the point of loving them more than me isn't normal. He's very sociable, has a group of friends he plays D&D with, is outgoing with strangers, can strike up conversations easily, has a wide variety of interests,

[00:14:05] a degree in journalism with a very creative and fun style of writing, is incredibly intelligent, high emotional IQ, connects with others easily, etc. Every time he says something mean like he loves his dogs more than me, I think, what if he's undiagnosed autistic and doesn't know he's hurting me? He says very off-the-wall things that hurt me, and are not at all socially acceptable, and genuinely acts like he doesn't see the harm. But then he'll say things like this,

[00:14:32] actually fully aware that he knows what he's saying is bad. I'm a piece of shit, less intelligent than him, a parasite, infuriating, worthless, everyone can't stand me, no one likes me, I have a peanut for a brain, I'm a ducking idiot, I'm goddamn stupid, etc. It breaks me, but I stop and think, what if he's autistic and he's projecting feeling like he's inadequate onto me? What if he feels that way about himself,

[00:15:02] and wishes he were neurotypical, and then my heart breaks and I cry? Also when I tell him he's making me cry, he tells me I cry all the time, and that he's just given me a reason to get it out of the way. I cannot divorce him because I worry he's autistic and can't help the abuse. Today he told me not to be around him, because it's impossible for him to not verbally abuse me, because I make him have to. At the end of the day, I feel sad thinking, maybe he feels like a neurodivergent outsider, that wants to feel more neurotypical,

[00:15:31] and therefore projects his feelings onto me, to feel better about himself. That breaks me. Whenever I stand up for myself and say, no, I'm done, he breaks down and needs me, as if I'm a mother abandoning her child. He spent 34 years of his life at home, till we married last year. What if there was enmeshment that's not his fault? What if he was never mentally allowed to grow up? That also breaks me. I feel so sad for him that I feel like I can't divorce him,

[00:16:00] because he's mentally either been abused through enmeshment, or is insecure due to undiagnosed autism. People keep asking why on earth I won't leave him. I don't want to leave him alone in this possible diagnosis, possible childhood trauma, etc. I'd also feel so guilty if I walk away. That's why. I do love him. But I love my daughter more, and I don't want to think in this is okay. I know that I need to do so, and I have to go through with a divorce. My heart is just aching and hurting him.

[00:16:29] I'm posting this because I genuinely need insight to maybe help me gain perspective as I move forward. I think it's always important to start off with, being autistic does not make someone abusive, and being traumatized, again, does not make someone abusive. Your husband is just telling you exactly who he is. He has to, in quotes, verbally abuse you because you're making him. The stuff that he called you, worthless, stupid, a parasite.

[00:16:58] And then when you do decide that you're going to leave, he manipulates you and breaks down with it. And he's admitting it's abuse as well, and continuing to do so. And then manipulating you to come back. Like, it's all abusive behaviors. And you simply need to get out of that situation for you and your daughter's sake. Like you said, watching this, learning what relationships are about, you don't want her to see that. And I really do hope that you do take a step back

[00:17:25] and realize what's truly going on here and get you and your daughter out of that situation. But now, I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Now, our next story comes from the Am I the Arsehole subreddit from Ness Lucas, who says, Am I the arsehole for telling people I'm not having fun when they ask, and I'm genuinely not. This one is general.

[00:17:55] I'm a guy who, when I don't enjoy something, I'll tell you I don't. But if I commit to something, I'll see it through to the end without complaining. It comes to a head where I was on vacation with my older brother in Arizona, who wanted to do a lot of nature hikes. Nature hikes are fine. I don't mind them, but I do dislike walking up large hills. Walking downhill is the easiest thing ever. It's like being nature's passenger princess. You just put your foot forward and let gravity do all the work.

[00:18:25] Walking uphill conversely is very draining and leaves me sweaty. I don't make a point to complain about something when I do it. So when I was walking uphill, despite not liking it much, I held basic conversation with my brother. As we were heading back down, he asked me if I was having fun. And I said no. Not because of any fault of my brother. I just didn't find the activity fun. Not even bad. Just satisfactory. Later, when he was driving me to the airport for my flight home, he told me,

[00:18:55] if I ask you if you're having fun, don't say no. I understand that it can be demoralizing to hear someone's not having fun, but I don't like it when people ask for my opinion and get upset when I give my honest answer. If I'm not having fun, I just say I'm not having fun. I can honestly see why your brother's sad about this, to be quite honest. You're basically saying, you know, his efforts to arrange this stuff, planning activities, if you like, to share with you pretty much meant nothing to you.

[00:19:23] I just feel like there is many different ways you could have put that information without being just rude. Just something like, I really love spending time with your bro, but let's do something that doesn't kill me next time. Yeah, just something along those lines rather than just, no. And I'm not sure what hills this guy is walking down because any hills that I've walked down, I wouldn't say like OP said, it's the easiest thing ever. It's like being nature's passenger princess.

[00:19:53] Any downhill walking that I've ever done destroys my knees. Maybe I'm just getting old. But the first commenter says to OP, you're the arsehole and quotes, it's been a fun day hanging out with you, but man, this hike is steep. I'm looking forward to the downhill bit. And then says that's the sort of polite answer people are looking for. You acknowledge you're enjoying your brother's company, which is what he was looking for. But you can also acknowledge the hike is hard slash difficult. It doesn't matter how much the activity sucks.

[00:20:21] People want to hear that you're enjoying their company. Another commenter says, no one's an arsehole here, but I think you and your brother would benefit from understanding each other a little better. There's nothing wrong with giving him an honest answer, but it obviously hurt his feelings. Unless he already knew your feelings about that kind of hike and slash all the things you do find fun, or unless you explain the context of your feelings afterwards. Your words made him feel guilty about failing to give you a fun time. He's wrong to say you shouldn't be honest,

[00:20:49] but most people aren't used to that kind of bluntness and you fail to consider his feelings. In the future, you might benefit from finding a better balance of keeping your commitments without complaint and being more open about your preferences and desires. People feel good when they can actually have a mutually good time and people tend to feel worse about a situation if they realize they're the only one enjoying themselves and the other is simply indulging or tolerating them. A throwaway account says, hello, not the arsehole. As an autistic person,

[00:21:19] I find myself having to think about what other people want to hear instead of what is the appropriate response. I think in this case, you can give more context, if it seems right, why the activity is or isn't fun without diving into detail. Expressing your own needs isn't necessarily complaining unless the problem has been addressed or there is more nothing to be done and you bring it up to guilt the other people. Maybe say like, not very fun for me because long uphills aren't my thing and cut off further response without being rude.

[00:21:48] I think bringing it up beforehand to your brother might help too so the two of you can compromise. First, am I the arsehole post? So please be nice to your fellow Redditors. Now, what about you guys? How would you deal with this situation? Maybe you found yourself in one before, sharing some quality time with family members, but maybe doing something that you don't really enjoy. How did you approach this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now, just a huge thank you for being here today, getting involved in the stories,

[00:22:18] your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much for being involved and hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.

[00:22:48] Als Kind ist einfach alles um einen herum riesengroß. Kinder haben Bedürfnisse, die man als Erwachsener zum Teil falsch einschätzt. Verschenkt man zum Beispiel eine Babypuppe, ist diese oft zu groß für kleine Kinderhände. Als Einstieg für Kinder ab einem Jahr eignet sich daher viel besser die Babyborn Lena in 36 Zentimeter. Sie lässt sich leicht herumtragen und ist mit ihren altersgerechten Spielfunktionen perfekt auf die kleinsten zugeschnitten. Füttern, spielen, Fläschchen geben und aufs Töpfchen gehen. Alles kinderleicht. Baby boy