My Husband Points Out It's HIS HOUSE Every time I Say Our House r/Relationships

[00:00:03] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And this story comes from, I can't pronounce it so you have to see it on the screen, from Relationship Advice subreddit that says, When I say our bathroom or our house, etc, my husband always has to point out that it's HIS HOUSE. He'll stop me and say my house and when I get upset he goes,

[00:00:33] It's MY HOUSE, but since I'm yours, you get to live in it. Or something similar. It makes me feel so shitty when he does that. He sorta does it jokingly, but it happens without fail almost every time. And I've tried to tell him it's hurtful and he just laughs and says he's kidding. For context, we, sorry, HE bought a house last year, right before we got married. I was part of the entire process, since we already lived together. But he put his savings into the down payment and it was his name on my house.

[00:01:03] I want everything for obvious reasons. I'd recently spent the last of my savings to pay off student loans and was only doing freelance remote work, so I wasn't really bringing in much money and was trying to focus on my mental health.

[00:01:15] He has a really good paying job and always said he was happy to support me. I've even talked about getting a job in my field again, if that would make him happy. And he assured me I don't need to.

[00:01:26] Cool. But now it just feels like, because his money is what buys mostly everything, that I'm some mooch just living off him.

[00:01:34] Mind you, I'm pregnant with our first kid due very soon. This was all discussed extensively that I was to be a stay at home mum.

[00:01:42] So why does he feel the need to hurt me like that? Does he secretly wish I was working and bringing home more money? Does he think I'm pathetic?

[00:01:50] It makes me feel like I'm a fucking roommate who hasn't paid rent and he's doing me a favor.

[00:01:54] And another thing that confuses me is if my parents and relatives ever want to give us anything, like a wedding or a baby shower gift, he gets annoyed because he wants to be the one to buy that stuff for us and doesn't want to rely on other people.

[00:02:09] Edits. To answer and address some common questions. There was no prenup and no mention of wanting to keep assets split after marriage.

[00:02:16] We have a joint bank account and I also maintain my old accounts under just my name.

[00:02:21] Some people suggested he just wants to feel appreciated.

[00:02:25] I know that's not the case because one, he explicitly hates being thanked.

[00:02:28] He says it makes him feel like he's doing it just for the praise and that makes him feel shitty.

[00:02:33] Two, I find ways of showing my appreciation by cooking, cleaning, managing everything in the home, taking care of him, etc.

[00:02:41] Three, I don't want to portray him as some controlling arsehole who doesn't let me do things.

[00:02:46] It's tough to paint an accurate picture since I don't want to give out my entire relationship story on Reddit.

[00:02:51] I have freedom to do whatever I want and he is supportive.

[00:02:55] It's just little things like this that make me question his deeper feelings.

[00:02:59] Even though anytime it comes up, he reassures me he is happy to support me and doesn't think I'm any less than he is.

[00:03:06] Four, I want to be a stay-at-home mom.

[00:03:08] I don't want to put my child in daycare.

[00:03:11] He and I both feel that way.

[00:03:12] The possibility of remote work is still there too if I feel I can balance both.

[00:03:17] But I think the deeper issue lies in our communication and that's on me too.

[00:03:22] Five, after taking into consideration the comments and different perspectives here, I'm going to address him tomorrow.

[00:03:28] Today was bad because he worked late and was exhausted and tried to be open about how I feel as I can.

[00:03:33] I'll update here when I do.

[00:03:35] Thanks to everyone who felt the need to help.

[00:03:38] I do feel very validated in my concern at the very least.

[00:03:42] Unlucky Speaker says to OP on this one, he's doing it to remind you that to him, it is in fact his house.

[00:03:48] You've told him it hurts you and he continues to do it.

[00:03:51] I would never advise anyone become a stay-at-home mom without a prenup and clause that entitled you to compensation for every year you give up being in the workforce.

[00:03:59] If he divorces you or you get sick of bare minimum behavior in the future, do not be surprised when he says,

[00:04:06] You haven't contributed anything to my household and aren't entitled to any when you leave.

[00:04:11] Regardless if you've been putting in the unpaid physical and mental labor to make his life easier or enable him to have a child, he may not value it.

[00:04:19] He's clearly telling you every time that what he has is so generously bestowing on you, which means he doesn't consider you as true partners.

[00:04:28] Stay independent, get a part-time remote job and save every penny to put away for you and your future because he won't be looking out for you with that mindset.

[00:04:37] OP responds saying,

[00:04:46] I want to be a stay-at-home mom.

[00:04:53] That's what I always envisioned and I was excited he envisioned that too.

[00:04:57] I'm also the one that does all the cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc. and take care of him in all the non-financial ways.

[00:05:03] So I always thought that was a fair trade for him working to support us.

[00:05:07] He's not controlling over any aspect of my life, which is why all these comments saying he's controlling and narcissistic are shocking.

[00:05:15] Maybe there's truth there.

[00:05:16] Maybe I've been too blind to see it.

[00:05:18] I'm going to do some deep considering before I discuss anything with him.

[00:05:22] Probably will start looking for jobs again soon or at least start accepting more freelance work.

[00:05:27] And there was many comments suggesting that OP just, you know, run.

[00:05:31] OP sounds like they're going to be talking to the husband.

[00:05:34] I think that's a good first step to just mention how you're absolutely feeling in this because clearly there's a power imbalance going on, communication issues at the same time.

[00:05:43] And in reality, he should be recognizing that those comments are stupid to say and it's going to be hurtful.

[00:05:49] But the way he's talking, he clearly views the relationship as unequal.

[00:05:54] And of course, he's given you a lot of conflicting messages.

[00:05:56] He's saying he's happy to support you as a stay-at-home mom.

[00:05:59] And then at the same time, he contradicts himself.

[00:06:03] But OP updated and said, thanks to everyone who commented.

[00:06:06] I was honestly shocked that I got so much attention and that so many people felt compelled to help.

[00:06:11] I ended up talking to him a few nights ago after I got all my thoughts down on paper and felt emotionally ready to talk about it.

[00:06:18] I said, when you point out that it's your house or that you get paid for this and that, it makes me feel like I'm an unwanted guest in your house.

[00:06:25] I've told you how this makes me feel, but you still do it.

[00:06:28] Which makes me feel like this isn't just a joke like you claim.

[00:06:32] I want to feel like an equal partner in our relationship, especially since we'll be bringing our child into the world so soon.

[00:06:39] When we're engaged, we were both so excited to go house hunting together and make it our home.

[00:06:44] For us and our future kids.

[00:06:46] You told me you were more than happy to continue working so that I could stay at home to take care of the house and kids and dogs.

[00:06:52] But lately, it feels like you resent me for it.

[00:06:55] Now that I'm bringing our child into the world, I want to make sure there's no hostility or resentment between us.

[00:07:00] And I want to hear your side because currently, I just feel hurt and I'm worried this will keep building if I don't address it now.

[00:07:07] If me going back to work and contributing to the mortgage is what you want, despite what you said to me a year ago, then let's talk about it.

[00:07:15] So I read that to him and he immediately said he never meant anything by it.

[00:07:20] It was stupid and immature of him and that he'd work on it.

[00:07:23] He didn't realize it hurt me so much.

[00:07:26] After talking it through a little, he said he thinks it might stem from growing up poor and finally building a comfortable life for himself.

[00:07:33] He agreed it probably has to be an ego thing and maybe stems from the fact that his dad couldn't take care of the family and his mom had to work two to three jobs.

[00:07:42] He said he wants me to feel like an equal partner and wants me to feel at home in our house.

[00:07:48] I also asked about putting my name on the deed and he said he would.

[00:07:52] I do think he means what he says, but I also need him to prove it with his actions and words for me to truly feel comfortable.

[00:07:59] But we're moving in the right direction.

[00:08:01] I'm glad I was able to express that to him.

[00:08:03] Thanks again for all the advice.

[00:08:06] Rounders in Knickers says to the OP,

[00:08:08] Watch his actions, not his words.

[00:08:11] He needs to actually put you on the deed.

[00:08:13] You need to be fully a team.

[00:08:15] OP says, I agree.

[00:08:16] Only time will tell if he means what he said.

[00:08:19] Rounders replies to that and says,

[00:08:21] Did you look into your rights locally?

[00:08:23] If you're married, then you may own half the house anyway.

[00:08:26] OP says, it's my understanding that in PA,

[00:08:29] since it's a premarital asset and I'm not directly contributing to the mortgage,

[00:08:33] it'll be entirely his in a divorce if my name isn't on it.

[00:08:37] Rounders replies and says, okay, then he needs to make this fair.

[00:08:40] If you're contributing to the family by raising the children and homemaking,

[00:08:44] then you need to have financial assets as well.

[00:08:46] Or else you are very vulnerable to being abused and having difficulty leaving.

[00:08:51] OP then came in with another update and says,

[00:08:53] I'm shaking and crying as I write this.

[00:08:55] I now understand all the red flag comments on my last post.

[00:08:58] I didn't see it.

[00:09:00] I trusted him.

[00:09:01] So fucking stupid.

[00:09:03] Here's what happened.

[00:09:05] He went on a work trip this week and promised he would sort the house deed stuff when he comes back.

[00:09:09] His apology sounded genuine and I believed him as much as I could without the proof yet.

[00:09:14] Today, I had a weird feeling in my body.

[00:09:17] His texts about work have been really update-y,

[00:09:20] like constantly telling me what he's doing or where he's going.

[00:09:23] I didn't think anything of it until earlier,

[00:09:25] when he said he was taking a nap and wouldn't be on his phone for a few hours.

[00:09:29] This is weird because the man despises naps.

[00:09:32] They fuck up his sleep and he feels like shit after.

[00:09:35] So I checked his Google Play account from my home PC.

[00:09:38] His Google account is always logged in.

[00:09:40] He probably doesn't know I know this,

[00:09:42] but I can see what apps he has or recently had installed on his phone.

[00:09:46] Why this is important.

[00:09:48] When we were dating, he had a severe sexting addiction.

[00:09:52] We broke up because of it.

[00:09:54] Had suspicions and caught him.

[00:09:55] But we ended up getting back together after he swore up and down it had stopped

[00:09:59] and even gave me permission to look at his phone whenever I wanted.

[00:10:03] I eventually stopped checking because I trusted him.

[00:10:06] A few years have passed and we're obviously now married with a baby on the way and I trusted him.

[00:10:11] Our intimacy has basically died since I got pregnant,

[00:10:13] but I blame that more on myself than him because I just don't feel in the mood or sexy.

[00:10:18] He never tried anything, so I didn't have to reject him.

[00:10:21] It was just like he felt it too, I guess.

[00:10:23] I thought that was normal.

[00:10:24] So anyways, I looked at his account and saw that he had all the apps he used to use for sexting installed

[00:10:30] and recently used on his phone.

[00:10:32] Snapchat, Telegram, WhatsApp, Instagram, Tumblr.

[00:10:35] But the worst one, the one that broke my heart seeing, is that he has Tinder installed.

[00:10:40] Does that mean his work trips, he's actually fucking people?

[00:10:44] He's had a lot of work trips the past two months since he won't be able to travel for a while when baby arrives.

[00:10:50] I'm devastated and angry and I feel so stupid that I was making excuses for him

[00:10:54] and trying to paint him in a better light when everyone was telling me to run.

[00:10:58] Now, I don't know what to do.

[00:11:00] I want to call him and tell him I know.

[00:11:02] But the only evidence I had is screenshots from the Google Play website

[00:11:05] showing they were installed and recently used.

[00:11:08] I want to get real evidence because I know he'll uninstall everything before he's back.

[00:11:12] Part of me wants to just leave and go to my parents' house four hours away

[00:11:15] with the pictures printed out for him to find when he gets back.

[00:11:18] But I don't think that will solve anything.

[00:11:21] Help.

[00:11:22] Woman Thorn says to OP,

[00:11:24] Now is the time to have a big scream and cry in the shower

[00:11:27] because you will say nothing to him.

[00:11:29] He will not tip your hand.

[00:11:31] You will call your mom or friend or sister

[00:11:33] and you scream and cry and lady, you start making plans.

[00:11:37] Quietly, safely, you get all your documents in a row,

[00:11:40] you go buy a burner fucking phone today.

[00:11:42] You start screen capping and documenting everything you will need later.

[00:11:45] And you will not say one word to that selfish sack of shit.

[00:11:48] Life ruiner.

[00:11:50] Waiting says,

[00:11:51] And you get your name on that deed.

[00:11:53] India says you beat me to it.

[00:11:54] OP needs to play the long game.

[00:11:57] Commenter says,

[00:11:58] With the help of a lawyer.

[00:11:59] Lawyer up, OP.

[00:12:00] Now.

[00:12:01] And do whatever he or she says to the letter.

[00:12:04] Tight Shift says,

[00:12:05] Dear God, OP.

[00:12:06] He has so mentally manipulated and mentally abused you

[00:12:09] that you can't understand how badly you've been deceived.

[00:12:12] Time to teach his pompous asshole a few lessons.

[00:12:15] You reveal nothing.

[00:12:16] Play dumb.

[00:12:18] Immediately contact the seasoned family law attorney.

[00:12:20] Grab all financial documents you can for counsel.

[00:12:23] Copy and screenshot all information you have and can access.

[00:12:27] Go to the financial institutions if you're on the account.

[00:12:30] Take at least half.

[00:12:32] Contact family and your support staff.

[00:12:34] If you can, move in with them and go low contact.

[00:12:36] I'm sad and you're so committed and he's betrayed your love and trust.

[00:12:41] Trust your loved ones.

[00:12:42] Certainly not your husband.

[00:12:45] And the comments were pretty much 50-50.

[00:12:47] Many people saying play the long game.

[00:12:49] Try and get your name on that deed if you can.

[00:12:51] Others saying get out of that situation immediately.

[00:12:54] Lean on support around you and get out of it that way.

[00:12:57] But OP comes in with another update.

[00:13:01] Says holy crap, it's been a week.

[00:13:03] So I ended up taking advice from some of the comments telling me

[00:13:06] to go to my parents' house.

[00:13:08] My mom recently retired so he bought my story that she wanted to celebrate with me

[00:13:11] and treat me to a spa day.

[00:13:13] Plus spend time with me before the baby gets here.

[00:13:16] I just didn't trust myself not to break down or keep my cool when he got home.

[00:13:20] I had way too much to think about and figure out.

[00:13:24] Part of me was still wanting to defend him I guess because

[00:13:26] I didn't tell my mom why I came to see them

[00:13:29] until yesterday when I ended up telling her everything.

[00:13:32] We're meeting with a lawyer tomorrow morning to discuss my options.

[00:13:36] I'm no longer worried about getting my name on the deed

[00:13:38] as I just want to be done with him.

[00:13:41] All I care about now is the safety of my child

[00:13:43] and trying to make the best decisions going forward.

[00:13:46] I want to be clear.

[00:13:48] I don't care about his money.

[00:13:50] I don't want to take as much as I can from him

[00:13:53] like some people have been saying.

[00:13:54] Fuck that.

[00:13:56] I can make decent money once I start working again

[00:13:58] and I can find myself incredibly lucky to have supportive parents

[00:14:02] who will let me stay with him until I get on my feet.

[00:14:05] As of now he doesn't know anything.

[00:14:07] I've kept up my normal texts with him

[00:14:09] keeping him updated on what I'm doing with my mom.

[00:14:12] As for getting checked for STDs

[00:14:14] I will be getting that done in the next few days.

[00:14:17] The reason I'm not as worried about that

[00:14:19] is because we haven't had sex in months.

[00:14:21] He hasn't even tried and I have no symptoms.

[00:14:24] But I do know plenty of them have no symptoms.

[00:14:27] Hence I will be getting checked.

[00:14:28] I was also tested at the beginning of my pregnancy.

[00:14:31] Plus I had more recent pregnancy related blood work

[00:14:34] which included a mandatory HIV test.

[00:14:36] Luckily all negative.

[00:14:38] Thank you again to everyone who helped me understand

[00:14:40] the severity of the problems in my marriage

[00:14:42] and that I need to leave him.

[00:14:45] Admits I was willfully blind to a lot of red flags

[00:14:48] but knowing he's cheating on me again

[00:14:50] has made me painfully aware.

[00:14:52] I'm currently just trying to get through each day

[00:14:54] and will decide what else needs to be done

[00:14:56] after speaking with the lawyer.

[00:14:58] Edits to clarify

[00:14:59] when I said I didn't want to take his money

[00:15:01] I didn't mean I would not fight for child support

[00:15:04] or even alimony.

[00:15:05] I'm just not interested in taking him for all he's worth

[00:15:08] as some were suggesting.

[00:15:09] Yes I want my child to be financially taken care of.

[00:15:12] No I don't want to go the extra mile to hurt him

[00:15:14] just for extra money.

[00:15:16] And of course there was people telling OP

[00:15:18] just to follow what the lawyer says.

[00:15:20] Other people saying to actually take him

[00:15:22] for everything he's worth.

[00:15:24] Other people saying that they can understand

[00:15:26] why OP just wants to move on with her life.

[00:15:28] But of course get that child support at the same time.

[00:15:31] But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:15:34] What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:15:37] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:15:40] And let's move on to another story.

[00:15:44] Our next story comes from Coworker Stories

[00:15:46] from LowAttorney959

[00:15:49] who says

[00:15:49] Coworker I was starting to trust

[00:15:51] just completely threw me under the bus.

[00:15:55] She was the one person I was starting to feel like I could trust.

[00:15:59] She came to me with a lot of complaints about our other two co-workers

[00:16:03] and I kept everything she said between the two of us.

[00:16:06] Just like I promised her I always would.

[00:16:08] Because I had some complaints on my own about them.

[00:16:10] They take advantage of me for one thing.

[00:16:13] So I empathized.

[00:16:15] Well yesterday I had a phone conversation with a rather rude customer

[00:16:18] that was cancelling her insurance with us.

[00:16:21] She kept demanding to know why certain things weren't corrected on her policy two years ago.

[00:16:26] I told her I wasn't able to get that information and I'm sorry.

[00:16:29] But going forward even though you were cancelling

[00:16:31] I make sure it's all correct now.

[00:16:34] She calls again today and my co-worker that I trusted picks up.

[00:16:38] The customer goes on and on about how rude I was to her

[00:16:41] and how upset she was.

[00:16:43] I was in no way rude to her.

[00:16:45] It was very much the other way around.

[00:16:47] Anyway this once trusted co-worker

[00:16:49] pulls my other two co-workers aside

[00:16:51] and shuts the door to the office they were in.

[00:16:54] To tell them how rude and awful I was.

[00:16:57] How upset the customer was.

[00:16:59] All without getting my side.

[00:17:01] She could have came to me.

[00:17:02] Could have talked to me.

[00:17:04] But instead she ratted me out and made me look bad.

[00:17:07] Behind a closed door nonetheless.

[00:17:09] So now everyone is saying the boss needs to call the client.

[00:17:12] Even after I gave them my side of the conversation

[00:17:15] they brushed me off.

[00:17:16] If I don't lose my job over this

[00:17:18] her and I are no longer on good terms.

[00:17:21] You just don't do that to people.

[00:17:23] Oh dear.

[00:17:24] She's one of those co-workers that

[00:17:26] is playing everyone basically.

[00:17:29] She'll come to you and talk about other people

[00:17:30] then she'll go to them and talk about you.

[00:17:33] The kind of people that you just need to keep your distance from.

[00:17:37] You know in the work environment

[00:17:39] you can be polite and you know

[00:17:40] just talk about work

[00:17:41] but I wouldn't talk about anything else with that kind of person.

[00:17:45] You can never trust them.

[00:17:46] I remember when I worked in that warehouse

[00:17:48] that I told you about before

[00:17:49] and on the upstairs was a call center

[00:17:52] and it was all like furniture insurance kind of stuff.

[00:17:55] And at lunchtime they'd come down into the kitchen

[00:17:57] and I always remember this one girl called Melanie

[00:17:59] who and I'd go in there to make my coffee or whatever

[00:18:02] put something in the microwave

[00:18:03] and just wait around

[00:18:04] and you know just eavesdrop while I'm bored.

[00:18:07] And she would literally talk about people behind their back

[00:18:10] while down in the kitchen

[00:18:11] and then the next group of people would come down

[00:18:13] and she'd talk about the people

[00:18:14] she was just talking about behind their back

[00:18:16] and she would do this over and over again.

[00:18:19] And my only thought

[00:18:20] while I could just stir my coffee there

[00:18:22] is thinking you bloody snake.

[00:18:24] I just realized I'm actually stirring

[00:18:26] an imaginary cup right now.

[00:18:29] What is wrong with me?

[00:18:30] The first commenter said to OP

[00:18:32] my experience is that

[00:18:33] those who gossip and throw shade

[00:18:35] about others to your face

[00:18:36] will talk about you to other people

[00:18:37] behind your back as well.

[00:18:38] Now you know not to trust that type of person.

[00:18:42] Absolutely.

[00:18:44] Ill Plate says

[00:18:45] Be especially careful of co-workers

[00:18:47] who readily complain and gossip about others.

[00:18:50] It's easy to be manipulated by them

[00:18:52] because they exploit some people's strong desire

[00:18:54] to be the trusted confidant.

[00:18:56] The keeper of secrets.

[00:18:57] It induces you to share your own complaints and struggles

[00:19:00] which they collect to use against you later.

[00:19:03] It fosters a false sense of closeness.

[00:19:05] I hope things work out in your favor.

[00:19:08] Nevertheless,

[00:19:09] please be wary of such characters in the future.

[00:19:11] Many of us have fallen victim to them.

[00:19:14] And then another commenter says

[00:19:15] I feel this OP.

[00:19:16] I worked a job once

[00:19:18] where I noticed an older co-worker

[00:19:19] was being ostracized and bullied behind her back

[00:19:22] and she knew about it.

[00:19:23] I would defend her

[00:19:24] when our other co-workers said things about her

[00:19:26] and gave her a shoulder slash ear.

[00:19:28] She always said how grateful she was for me.

[00:19:31] Fast forward a few months

[00:19:32] and I'm the one being bullied and ostracized

[00:19:34] and I found out

[00:19:35] she's one of the major contributors.

[00:19:37] The reason why?

[00:19:39] She liked not feeling like

[00:19:40] she was the bottom of the barrel.

[00:19:41] This woman was 30 years older than me by the way.

[00:19:44] OP came in with a brief update

[00:19:46] and said boss talked to customer

[00:19:47] claiming I was rude to her

[00:19:49] and right in front of co-worker

[00:19:51] who tried to get me in trouble.

[00:19:53] My boss not only defended me

[00:19:54] but complained about the customer

[00:19:56] being a problem since the beginning.

[00:19:57] She went on about the customer

[00:19:59] being an absolute pain to deal with

[00:20:01] and very rude.

[00:20:02] She ended up slamming the receiver down.

[00:20:04] She was so irritated by the customer.

[00:20:06] So there you have it.

[00:20:07] I really hope my co-worker feels stupid.

[00:20:11] Unfortunately, I wouldn't hope too much about that.

[00:20:14] That kind of person doesn't feel stupid

[00:20:16] because arsehole is just going to arsehole, right?

[00:20:19] However, I am glad that your boss

[00:20:21] backed you up in this situation.

[00:20:22] I would maybe even go as far to talk to him

[00:20:24] about what's been going on in the office

[00:20:26] because it's getting to that place

[00:20:28] of a toxic work environment.

[00:20:29] But what do you guys make of this situation?

[00:20:33] Let us know your thoughts down

[00:20:34] in the comments below.

[00:20:36] And just a huge thank you

[00:20:37] from the bottom of my heart

[00:20:38] for getting involved in today's stories.

[00:20:40] Your love, your support, your time

[00:20:42] always means the absolute world to me.

[00:20:44] So thank you so, so much for being involved

[00:20:46] and hopefully I'll see you in the next one.

[00:20:48] Take care and much love.