My Husband Has Informed Me He's Going On A Gaycation With His Brother-In-Law r/Relationships

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now on our very own subreddit r slash Mark Narrations, I've had a couple suggestions of this story. It's from throwawaycanning1900 and says,

[00:00:28] My 42 female husband, 42 male, has informed me he intends to go on a gaycation with his brother-in-law, 35 male, in Ibiza. How do I handle this? And before we do get into it, there is trigger warnings on it of internalized homophobia and accusations of homophobia as well. So if you do want to skip the story, please feel free to do so. Timestamps are always down in the description and along the timeline below. Thank you.

[00:00:56] It starts. Hi there. I really wish I didn't have to make this post, but here goes. So me and my husband have been happily married for about 16 years, give or take. We both have stable careers, good family life and are fairly fortunate despite the cost of living in the UK right now. We have two boys, 15 and 10, and up until this Sunday thought we had it pretty good. We argue sometimes of course, but never gotten too

[00:01:23] bad and we have a pretty decent sex life with some exploration, but I won't get into that. Long and short is on Sunday, just after I dropped our boys off at their friends, my husband asked me if we had the house alone and more importantly, do I have a minute? I said yes and he sat me down and then got out this printed poster or some sort of orgy and started explaining to me the concept of a gaycation. How it's where straight men go to somewhere with sun,

[00:01:53] sand and booze and become gay for the duration of the trip. But that's fine because it doesn't actually count because what happens on the gaycation stays on the gaycation. I was just completely silent and mortified, even more so when he said he was looking into booking a trip to Ibiza next year with his brother-in-law, his sister's husband, to experience it for himself.

[00:02:17] When he finally let me speak, I just said, I need him to be clear with me. Is he gay? Because if yes, that's okay, but we need to figure out what happens going forward. I didn't let myself get angry or upset. I was just stunned. He swore up and down how he's not gay and he's 100% attracted to women and of course he still loves me and our boys. So I said, why would you think you're bi maybe? And he got very

[00:02:44] defensive saying how I needed to drop the accusations and that this is the beauty of the gaycation. It allows straight men to experience gayness without actually being gay and how it's like going to an aquarium. What? And again, he was adamant. He doesn't find men's bodies or genitalia exciting at all, but he needs to experience this apparently. I said, well, I'm really not comfortable because

[00:03:11] even if he was bi, this would be explicitly cheating on me. And he got angry and reiterated, he's not because that's the beauty of the gaycation, et cetera. I just had enough and left the room. I ignored him for the rest of the day, but we spoke at tea where I again asked him, why does he want this so bad if he's not gay? He said how he's interested in how gay men's life differ to straight men's and that unfortunately, once the gaycation begins, it's simply impossible

[00:03:38] for a man to resist and he must surrender himself mind, body and soul to the gaycation or be destroyed. I really can't put it into words how surreal it was because he was speaking so matter-of-factly. And he again insists that this is a thing that straight men do all the time and how he's actually doing it a bit late. I just said to him, if he has any love for me, then he can't go ahead with this. And if he does, the marriage will be dead. We didn't speak anymore after that. Since then,

[00:04:06] he's mentioned no more of it, but somehow, and this is what scares me a lot too, that decision genuinely seems to be tearing him up. He didn't go into work on Monday and only went in half a day yesterday because he told them he just felt too ill and he just looks distraught every time I see him. I really don't think he's wholly gay though. I can absolutely believe he's bi, but I'd rather we talked about it in a healthy way than this incredibly weird denialism around

[00:04:33] going on a sex holiday to Ibiza. Has anyone known straight guys to do this and come back and just go back to being straight? Like surely that can't be a thing that happens. I'm so out of my depth here and I just don't know how to even initiate the conversation. For the record, I also haven't mentioned it to his sister yet. I don't know how I'd even break it to her. Thanks for any help. I just don't even want to think. So being able to get this out there has helped even just a little bit.

[00:05:02] Opie then added an edit saying, wow, this blew up. This has been incredibly sobering and I think I've now confirmed what I already knew to be the case. The marriage is dead one way or another. In a way, I was in denial myself about that. I've contacted my sister-in-law and she initially screamed at me, calling me a liar and even insinuated I was trying to steal her husband. She rang me back shortly after, apologized and admitted she was in deep, deep shock.

[00:05:31] I've asked my parents to look after the boys and we're going to meet tomorrow to discuss this deeper. I've also texted my husband and told him he will need to make alternative accommodation arrangements, but he will not be sleeping here tonight and a bag will be waiting for him. Not sure if the mods want to lock the post or not, but I think I've got my answers. Thank you for all the kind words, especially Champion Flight, who really gave me the good dose of reality I needed. P.S. I see a lot of people asking about the aquarium and at risk

[00:06:00] of doxing myself, there is a pretty famous aquarium in the UK called The Deep. At the very end, you walk through a tunnel that goes underneath the main fish tank, so it's quite immersive, I suppose. My husband explained the aquarium thing and it's a bit like that. You go there and you observe the fishes. You get a bit up close, but you never actually enter the water, get emotionally

[00:06:22] invested or become a fish. Gay. So it doesn't really count. It was a very bizarre analogy and I pointed out it still makes no sense and he just got more in a huff than how I just don't get it. And frankly, I still don't. All I had in my head is the always, it's always sunny meme. Tepe Sylvia, where he's trying to explain with the, like the investigation board behind him,

[00:06:50] of trying to find a roundabout way of why he's not cheating with other men because it's the beauty of gaycation. What happens there stays there. No dude, you're still trying to go away and cheat with other men. It's as simple as that. Nothing else really matters to me in that. But the first commenter said, your husband isn't proposing a gaycation. He's proposing cheating on you with men while using magical thinking to pretend it doesn't count. The fact that he's planning this

[00:07:17] with his sister's husband makes it even more disturbing. His bizarre explanation about surrendering mind, body and soul isn't straight man curiosity. It's someone desperately trying to justify exploring his sexuality while keeping his heterosexual marriage. His depression about not being able to go isn't about missing a vacation. It's about being forced to confront his sexuality without as convenient what happens in Ibiza stays in Ibiza excuse. His meltdown over not going shows

[00:07:44] how desperately he wants to avoid facing this reality. Opie says, I read this over multiple times, and I guess the worst part is, I know you're completely right. Loads of people saying, you know, Opie should consider about the divorce. And Opie says, I wanted to avoid the divorce option, but I guess it's the only option, isn't it? The commenter says to Opie, so this is just a thought, but I'm wondering if he was really planning on doing the gaycation or if that was just a cover to try and get you to agree to it. What if the plan was to get with women while he's down there?

[00:08:15] Opie says that, I hadn't really thought of that to be honest. And now that thought terrifies me. From the way he's talking about men, the fact he had a poster for a gay orgy. I mean, it's one hell of a bluff, surely? Another commenter says, tell him you're going to have a straight while he's gone and you're going to surrender mind, body and soul to other men. Honest to God, if my husband proposed this to me, I'd use this time away to pack up, move out and have divorce

[00:08:41] papers waiting for him. Opie came into the post with an update and it said, so when I last posted, I'd contacted my husband to tell him he wouldn't be staying at home tonight and a bag would be waiting for him. As you can imagine, we argued quite badly. I won't go into the specific details, but no, I'm 100% on board with the fact at minimum he's bi. Might even be gay altogether. We've had arguments in the past, but I've genuinely never seen him have such a childish

[00:09:09] tantrum before. Screaming about how I just don't understand the gaycation. Absolutely despise that phrase now. And insinuating I'm actually homophobic because I refuse to allow him to participate in this cultural exchange with the gay community. A lot of you said to ask him if it'd be acceptable if the roles were in reverse. And I did say, would it be acceptable if I went and slept with other guys during that week? Like fucking clockwork. He was very angry and offended saying

[00:09:38] it's completely different because a gaycation means nothing. And what happens on the gaycation stays on the gaycation, et cetera. So it doesn't actually count. Whereas I'll just be straight up cheating. Well, I turned it around on him. No, but you see what happens in Manchester stays in Manchester. It doesn't mean anything. It doesn't count. It's like birdwatching. And I think it got through to him. He went all quiet and then started crying. Admitting the

[00:10:06] thought of me sleeping with another man is destroying his heart, but relationships need sacrifices. So agreed. While in tears that when he goes on the gaycation, I get one week in Manchester to do whatever I want. He doesn't want me to, but that's fair in a twisted way, he supposed. I told him to get out of my house. Thankfully, he left without a fight. I know it's incredibly petty, but I also drained the joint bank account legal in the UK. So he

[00:10:36] couldn't try to use it against me. About an hour later, I got rang up by his mom, my mother-in-law who just screamed and screamed at me about being a cheating whore. How I was horrible. What about the kids, et cetera. When I finally got my composure back, I just said, ask your son about the gaycation. Obviously at first she got angry, but I said, no, just ask him about the gaycation. He'll explain, but she called me a fucking joke and hung up.

[00:11:03] Later on getting into the evening, I got another call from her in floods of tears. She was very apologetic. And I told her she doesn't need to be the one to apologize. She was so upset. She put father-in-law on the phone who, while he sounded calm, I could just tell he was sort of on the war path. Again, very apologetic and said he overheard that phrase. Asked my husband and husband initially

[00:11:28] said, no, it's nothing before explaining how it's a modern thing men do, et cetera, and gave them the same spiel about how, what happens on the gaycation. Men cannot resist the gaycation and how a man must surrender to the gaycation, et cetera. Father-in-law just said they told him to leave or they'd call the police. Don't care where he goes, but he wasn't staying there. Husband tried to call me while I was on the phone, but I just ignored it. And father-in-law just said he was sorry for me and

[00:11:56] that they have my corner in this. So that's one thing. Told them to be there for their daughter because it sounds like brother-in-law is involved. Husband didn't tell them that. And father-in-law just said he had to go because he was so, so, so angry. Got a text from my husband after the phone call, which was all weirdly rambly saying about how I'd abused the gaycation to destroy his marriage

[00:12:19] and destroy his life. And again, insinuated I and his parents was homophobic for doing such a thing. Told him we'll talk when he grows up and blocked his number. I took a day off work myself to have the locks changed this morning. So that's 500 pounds gone, but whatever. At least I know he won't be coming back. I'm going to look into how to proceed with a divorce and then we'll move on from there.

[00:12:44] Oh, of course, there's also the brother-in-law. So I haven't yet met with sister-in-law. She was in such a state and has taken this far, far worse than I have for reasons that'll be clear soon. We're going to maybe tomorrow try, but we did talk over the phone and I eavesdropped on the conversation with her husband where she put her phone on speaker and I went on mute. Her husband got home earlier. She made him come home, told him there was an emergency and just said to him,

[00:13:11] can you please explain what a gaycation is? She told me afterwards she was praying he'd look confused or just be like, what? Or anything like that. But instead, he just sat her down and explained that a gaycation is a new thing where straight men go to gay hotspots and participate in gay sex acts, but it doesn't count because there's no investment. And because what happens on the gaycation stays on the gaycation. He said it's like writing down angry thoughts and putting them

[00:13:39] in a drawer. You never have to see them again. Whole time sister-in-law is in tears as he just calmly bats off the same points my husband did about how it doesn't count and even did the whole it's impossible to resist, you must surrender or be destroyed shit. I seriously think they must be speaking to a dominatrix or something. Are there even male doms? Because surely neither of them are that into this to actually make that up on their own. I really don't want to go into what was

[00:14:07] discussed for her sake, but it did become very apparent to me that the brother-in-law is into sissy hypnoporn and at times conflated that with the concept of a gaycation. There was this utterly surreal moment where sister-in-law is just trying to wrap her head around this while also in floods of tears and he explains, so genuinely, so matter-of-factly, that for most men the gaycation is

[00:14:32] either a one-time or annual thing, but some men go on the gaycation for years and others simply never return because they use hypnosis and mind control to be totally feminized into a state of permanent pseudo-gayness. She said in disbelief, surely if you're taking up the ass willingly because you want to, that makes you gay. And he said no, because that's the beauty of the gaycation. You can do all this gay stuff, but you don't interact with a wider gay life experience.

[00:15:01] She asked him if the sissy stuff is what he wanted and he said, not on a long-term basis, and was adamant this is something all straight men do, but she wouldn't get it because she's a woman. There were more insinuations of homophobia. Well, that marriage is dead too, I suppose. The whole ordeal ended when she said to him he has a choice to make and he said, no, he doesn't need to make this choice because the beauty of the gaycation is that it allows him to keep his marriage because it doesn't count.

[00:15:28] She said that's not the choice. The choice is whether he's leaving the house that night or she is. Only good thing he did was leave. Me and sister-in-law spoke about it after that and I'm just still utterly stunned. I understand she's gone to her parents for support. What exactly did we do to have our lives destroyed in such an abrupt, bizarre, embarrassing way? Per some advice, I'm going to look at devices and bank statements to see if I can find any definitive proof of cheating.

[00:15:56] After that, I suppose figure out how I tell the boys why their father won't be coming home. Edit. Spoke to other sister-in-law. My husband's family, his older sister, him, younger sister slash original sister-in-law, and gave her a skimmed down version of it. She asked her husband and thankfully he was deeply confused but then mentioned about two years ago at a birthday party. He was approached by my husband and brother-in-law about signing up to some online

[00:16:23] bootcamp around BDSM cross-dressing. He assumed that they were taking the piss out of him so told them to fuck off and never really thought of it again. The fact that this has been going on for that long is making me want to throw up. PS for the poster who said about divorce options, I'm actually going to look into adultery because plain and simple, that's what this is. The top commenter said on this one, Your husband and brother-in-law are in a deep shared delusion that's destroyed two families.

[00:16:51] Their identical talking points about surrender and destruction prove this was coordinated. They're not just planning to cheat, they're already involved in some online community that's warped their thinking. The fact they're both instantly launched into the same script about gaycations shows this isn't spontaneous. You made the right call draining the account and changing the locks. Their attempts to flip this into accusations of homophobia show how desperately they're trying

[00:17:16] to avoid responsibility. The identical language, the bizarre aquarium and birdwatching analogies, the talk of surrender or be destroyed. There is some online echo chamber that's completely divorced from reality. When your husband agreed to let you have a Manchester week while crying, he revealed the whole lie. He knows exactly what this is. Cheating. He just wants permission to do it while denying you the same. The talk of hypnosis and permanent feminization reveals just how far

[00:17:46] this goes. Get a lawyer, protect your assets and document everything. This will get worse before it gets better. Focus on protecting yourself and your children because they're too far gone in their shared fantasy to see the destruction they're causing. What a pathetic hill for two men to die on. They destroy their marriages, traumatize their families and alienated their parents. All while insisting none of it counts because they made up special rules about it. They want to cheat without

[00:18:15] consequences and they found an online community that validates this fantasy. I can only agree with that comment that they've they're part of some sort of online community that's helping them sort of justify those desires while maintaining this denial at the same time. Some parts felt like very cult like this whole surrender yourself and or be destroyed is just like what? I know one thing though, reading all these reddit stories and the different things that we cover, my search history is absolutely

[00:18:44] messed up. I feel like this is going to be one of those reddit stories that sticks in the mind for a long time like the poo knife, like the pillar guy, like Ogtha. I think gaycation is going to be permanently seared into my brain. If I ever hear a villain in a movie say surrender or be destroyed, well, rip me I guess. But what do you guys make of this situation? What a wild time, right? Let us know

[00:19:11] your thoughts down in the comments below. Now just a huge thank you for being here today, getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so so much and hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.