My Husband Has Been Killing My Houseplants With Bleach r/Relationships

[00:00:02] Beim Quiz Wer weiß denn sowas erwartet dich der Gipfel des unglaublichen Wissens. Kennst du die richtige Antwort?

[00:00:09] Nach Stuntübungen für den Dreh zu Top Gun Maverick suchte Schauspieler Miles Teller einen Arzt auf und fand heraus, dass er

[00:00:17] A. mit Tom Cruise verwandt ist, B. jahrelang irrtümlicherweise Kontaktlinsen getragen hatte oder C. nach langen Aufenthalten in Kampfjets Kerosin im Blut hatte.

[00:00:27] Die richtige Antwort ist C. nach langen Aufenthalten in Kampfjets Kerosin im Blut hatte.

[00:00:31] Wer weiß denn sowas? Immer montags bis freitags um 18 Uhr im Ersten.

[00:01:08] Und sagt,

[00:01:09] My 31 female husband, 32 male, has been killing my houseplants with bleach.

[00:01:16] I have many, many houseplants and even some that were quite expensive and were gifts from my sister.

[00:01:23] Within the last 6 months, at least a third of my plants have died.

[00:01:27] I have had houseplants my whole life due to my late mother's own love of houseplants and I know a lot about plants.

[00:01:34] The death of the plants didn't seem related to lack of light or inconsistent watering or lack of nutrients or even root rot.

[00:01:42] They just died very suddenly.

[00:01:45] I tried to not let it upset me too much because plants die and it was not any of the expensive ones.

[00:01:51] Until now.

[00:01:53] My sister gave me a 5 leaf on sterile elbow rooted plant for my birthday 2 months ago.

[00:02:00] It was beautiful.

[00:02:01] This morning, I was crying pretty hard about it and I un-potted it and took a look at the roots.

[00:02:07] And I was looking hard at this plant and roots to see if its death was pest related.

[00:02:12] And that's when I noticed a smell.

[00:02:14] I sniffed my potting mix and I smelled bleach.

[00:02:19] The only other adult in my home, the only other adult person in my home with unlimited and unobserved access to my plants is my husband.

[00:02:28] I wasn't able to talk to him for several hours but when I could speak to him,

[00:02:32] I very calmly but very directly asked if he had done something to my plants.

[00:02:37] He denied it at first.

[00:02:38] I said I smelled bleach in the potting mix of the elbow my sister had gotten me

[00:02:43] and that the only person that could have put it there was him.

[00:02:46] And he caved.

[00:02:47] He said he was putting small amounts of bleach into the fertilizer water jugs I prepare.

[00:02:53] I started crying.

[00:02:54] I asked him why?

[00:02:56] Why would you do this?

[00:02:57] You know I love those plants.

[00:02:59] Why would you destroy them?

[00:03:01] He didn't really answer nor did he really apologize.

[00:03:04] The trust I had in him is absolutely gone.

[00:03:07] I think maybe counseling can help us but he is the one that did this.

[00:03:11] But I am the one that would have to set up the counseling.

[00:03:14] The angry part of me just wants to be done with the relationship.

[00:03:18] I know that might seem overboard as we are married and share a child but I feel now I am not safe around my husband.

[00:03:25] Edit

[00:03:25] I thank everyone for giving advice.

[00:03:28] The townhome we live in is mine and my sister's.

[00:03:31] Our inheritance from my mother.

[00:03:33] My husband has an office, den, gaming room that is his personal space and there are no plants there.

[00:03:38] There are also no plants in the kitchen.

[00:03:41] I am not a plant hoarder.

[00:03:43] Like he has a room for himself.

[00:03:45] I have a sunroom and that is where the concentration of plants live.

[00:03:49] He has no reason to go in there.

[00:03:51] There is not access to our backyard or anything.

[00:03:53] I saw some people saying maybe he is sick of bugs but I do not have a fungus gnat problem.

[00:03:59] I did see one person ask why I did not smell the bleach when I was watering.

[00:04:03] And I can only say my nose wasn't all up in there maybe.

[00:04:07] I also usually use a natural systemic in my fertilizer water called SNS209 that smells heavily of rosemary.

[00:04:15] But I ran out last month and haven't replaced yet.

[00:04:18] After our convo yesterday I needed space.

[00:04:21] I spent the night in my daughter's room on a trundled bed.

[00:04:24] I am going to text my husband today.

[00:04:26] He usually communicates easier and opens up more via text rather than face to face.

[00:04:31] I am going to ask for a reason and I will see what he says.

[00:04:35] Edit 2

[00:04:35] Sorry, I am not sure if I am supposed to update on a separate post.

[00:04:39] My husband won't be welcome in my home anymore and I need to find a lawyer ASAP on Monday.

[00:04:44] I did text him and he admitted again to putting bleach in my fertilizer water.

[00:04:49] He says it wasn't every jug I ever made so that explains why it wasn't all my plants dying but

[00:04:54] randomly over the past 6 months.

[00:04:56] His exact words were that I deserved to be knocked down a peg.

[00:05:01] Oof.

[00:05:02] After the text communication I went home from work early and I entered his office.

[00:05:07] I usually respect this space absolutely.

[00:05:09] I don't even go in there to grab dirty dishes.

[00:05:12] I don't know what I was looking for but the hundreds of comments saying he was working

[00:05:16] up to something worse or already was doing something else really worried me.

[00:05:21] I went in there and found a drawer full of my daughter's dolls and dollhouse furniture and little

[00:05:25] toys.

[00:05:26] I bought her that dollhouse for her 4th birthday last year and she has loved it.

[00:05:31] She takes such good care of her toys but something always ends up missing and

[00:05:35] it's always my husband who notices.

[00:05:37] He lectures her about keeping track of her things and how he won't let her play with her dollhouse if she

[00:05:42] keeps losing things.

[00:05:43] He keeps going till she starts to sob.

[00:05:46] When I hear this going on I always step in and ask him to go take a break.

[00:05:50] I assumed he was losing his cool.

[00:05:52] I've told him this is not how to deal with this with a kid and he says he just wants her to grow

[00:05:57] up responsible.

[00:05:59] I now see it was some weird scheme or setup or something.

[00:06:03] He would steal the stuff and stash it away and point out that it was gone to berate our daughter

[00:06:07] till she cried.

[00:06:08] My sister and her husband and her husband's dad came over this afternoon and they've changed the

[00:06:13] locks.

[00:06:14] I've texted him to tell him he isn't coming back and that he can come on Saturday morning to grab

[00:06:18] his essential things but that my bro-in-law and another man would be there to watch.

[00:06:23] Sorry if this is unclear or if things seem missing.

[00:06:26] This Reddit post isn't super my priority.

[00:06:29] I will probably not be updating again.

[00:06:31] Thank you to everyone who worried about my safety.

[00:06:33] Just to let you know we do have an update though.

[00:06:36] The fact in those text messages or anything there's been no reason to why he did this.

[00:06:43] He just did it and he wanted to knock you down a peg or two.

[00:06:47] He's just wanting to punish you for what?

[00:06:50] There is a reason and I'm really curious to know what that reason is.

[00:06:53] Is it jealousy or something along those lines?

[00:06:57] Princess Ferocious says,

[00:06:59] That's disturbing.

[00:07:00] I can't think of a single reason to kill your plants that isn't creepy,

[00:07:03] controlling or otherwise unhealthy.

[00:07:06] It feels like you resented the time or attention you gave the plants maybe.

[00:07:10] I don't think I'd feel safe around him either.

[00:07:12] Or have your child around him.

[00:07:13] Is there somewhere safe you could go for a while while you try to work out if you want to salvage the relationship?

[00:07:20] Your avi girl replies that's inexactly because even if for some unthinking childish reason for killing the first plant,

[00:07:27] there'd be no good reason to kill the next one after, I presume, witnessing the pain that caused OP.

[00:07:32] He silently watched OP become more distressed over months and at his hand.

[00:07:37] This is sick and frightening behavior. OP has good reason not to feel safe and should listen to her instincts.

[00:07:45] Vexbox says,

[00:07:46] My brain, the plants were a dress rehearsal.

[00:07:50] That's a scary thought.

[00:07:52] Predatory Chicken says,

[00:07:53] No one casually gives bleach to a living thing unless it intends to harm it.

[00:07:57] He killed your plants on purpose.

[00:08:00] I can't think of a single reason he did this that makes him salvageable as a person or partner.

[00:08:05] There is something wrong with him.

[00:08:07] Edit,

[00:08:08] Lots of people are mentioning ways that in very controlled settings, bleach can be safe or helpful for living things.

[00:08:13] I think it's obvious that it isn't the case here, but interesting nonetheless.

[00:08:18] Punk Rock says he destroyed something he knew you cared about on purpose, lied about it and then gave no explanation when caught.

[00:08:25] I'll tell you the explanation. He wanted to hurt you.

[00:08:29] You should be done with the relationship.

[00:08:31] You also need to take a good look at other times you may have accidentally ruined your things.

[00:08:35] It's narcissistic 101 to ruin items that have sentimental value to their partners as a means of control and manipulation.

[00:08:42] Does he also accidentally hurt you?

[00:08:45] Like hugs that are too tight, spilling liquids on you, handling you plates that are hot without you saying anything.

[00:08:51] Because that's narcissist 101 too.

[00:08:54] And therapy only teaches narcissists to be better narcissists.

[00:08:58] And a final comment from Kiwi Honey who says he'd been doing this for six months.

[00:09:03] This wasn't a momentary lapse of judgment.

[00:09:05] This was a sustained campaign of cruelty against you.

[00:09:08] Six months of putting bleach in the plant water to kill him over time while he watched you fret and worry and be upset about not being able to figure out what was happening.

[00:09:17] Nothing about that is normal.

[00:09:19] Anyone who can maintain a six month campaign of cruelty against another person is not a safe person to be around.

[00:09:26] Get your child and get out now to a safe place.

[00:09:28] Then if you want to talk to him, do it from a place of safety.

[00:09:32] You'll never feel completely safe with him because you never will be.

[00:09:36] I'm so sorry OP.

[00:09:38] So six months later, OP comes in with her update and says,

[00:09:42] I recently got some messages asking for me to update and let the internet know I'm safe.

[00:09:47] My daughter and I are both safe.

[00:09:49] Without getting into too much detail, but to satiate the curious.

[00:09:52] My husband, the man I thought I knew, has changed so much that I think of it like him ripping off a mask.

[00:09:59] He's sworn and screamed at me and pushed me to the ground twice and kicked me in the face.

[00:10:04] Our entire marriage, I was never ever afraid of physical violence from this man.

[00:10:08] The police have been involved. Divorce is still in progress.

[00:10:13] After an initial period of intense anger, my husband seemingly stopped caring at all though.

[00:10:18] He said he doesn't want any custody and he wants to give up his parental rights of our daughter.

[00:10:23] He doesn't see her.

[00:10:25] In the last month, I have heard he actually has a new girlfriend.

[00:10:28] His parents still talk to me. I was on good terms with his mom.

[00:10:32] Also, a friend of my husband who has been friends with him since college reached out to me to ask what is going on.

[00:10:37] We text. He says my husband has ghosted that entire group of friends he still had after someone in the group called him out for some sort of arsehole-ish behavior.

[00:10:46] One positive thing that is also sad is that my daughter is bright and wonderful.

[00:10:51] There's been such a profound change to her behavior since her dad's been gone.

[00:10:55] She's happy and silly and joyful.

[00:10:57] I guess there's been a change in both her and my behavior.

[00:11:01] I think of it like the frog in the boiling pot.

[00:11:03] I was sitting there boiling to my death and never realized.

[00:11:07] We lived in a house of walking on eggshells.

[00:11:09] If my husband was upset, he would infect the house with hostility.

[00:11:13] I'm not sure I can describe it.

[00:11:14] I was constantly on guard and never able to relax.

[00:11:17] I was not afraid of physical violence though, so I don't want to describe it as something more serious than it was.

[00:11:23] Thank you for making me realize I was in that boiling pot.

[00:11:26] This sub says I need to pose a question to post.

[00:11:29] What can I do for my daughter to let her know that she's safe and loved always?

[00:11:34] I know I failed her whenever I heard her dad yelling at her about the dollhouse.

[00:11:38] I can say I tried to step in at all times when I heard it going on, but that doesn't seem enough.

[00:11:44] I feel so guilty.

[00:11:45] She's on a waiting list for therapy.

[00:11:47] Our structure is still the same.

[00:11:49] She looks like she's thriving, but I just don't know.

[00:12:18] Post-Obama says the AP, I think both you and she should be in some type of therapy.

[00:12:22] This way when stuff comes up with her, they'll have some professional to help you do the right thing so she can grow into a healthy trusting woman.

[00:12:30] Ray Bean says,

[00:12:31] You can say sorry.

[00:12:32] You can say that you made the wrong decision and you will never make it again.

[00:12:35] And no matter what, you're always on her side now.

[00:12:38] It's okay to cry.

[00:12:39] Just get the words out.

[00:12:42] Another commenter says definitely this.

[00:12:44] My dad was very abusive and while my mom was always my safe space, she never left him.

[00:12:49] When I became an adult, it shames me to admit it, but I started to resent her.

[00:12:53] I could never understand why she didn't protect me more by getting me out of there.

[00:12:58] She passed away before I was old enough to ask those questions, so I'll never know.

[00:13:02] But you got your daughter out of there, which is always a huge win.

[00:13:06] I think apologizing to her will help a lot too.

[00:13:09] And I think the comment about, you know, joining her in therapy so when stuff does come up,

[00:13:14] you got a professional there to help guide you through it at the same time.

[00:13:17] I think that's a good way through it.

[00:13:19] But I'm so glad you got out of that situation.

[00:13:23] Killing your plants, what he was doing to your daughter with a doll's house is absolutely terrifying.

[00:13:28] There were some people talking about, you know, that's not a new girlfriend.

[00:13:31] That was possibly an affair partner.

[00:13:34] I was thinking about what was the relationship before all this started going down?

[00:13:39] Has he always secretly been like this?

[00:13:41] Has something just snapped and he's done it?

[00:13:43] Obviously not making excuses, just trying to think about what happened before.

[00:13:47] Is it just a case of the mask has just slipped now?

[00:13:51] But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:13:54] What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:13:57] Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:14:00] And let's move on to another story.

[00:14:04] Now our next story is titled,

[00:14:06] Company Wanted Me To Bring Starbucks To The Interview.

[00:14:10] This was from RecruitingHell subreddit and says,

[00:14:13] Got a call yesterday for an entry-level cold calling sales job.

[00:14:18] After a quick phone interview, they scheduled me in for an in-person with the owner today.

[00:14:23] Then it got weird.

[00:14:24] They called me back in 10 minutes to confirm the owner is going to be available for the interview

[00:14:28] and to inform me, I needed to bring a medium-cold Starbucks coffee, no sugar, to the interview.

[00:14:35] As if that wasn't enough, they also asked about my nationality.

[00:14:38] My parents' nationality and my age.

[00:14:41] I was desperate enough to consider it, but thankfully got another offer this morning.

[00:14:46] So I text them that I wouldn't be coming.

[00:14:48] Their response was, well, see for yourself.

[00:14:51] Yes, I dodged a bullet, or should I say a grand missile.

[00:14:56] P.S.

[00:14:57] The company is really small.

[00:14:58] Position is entry-level and sales is not where I see myself in the future.

[00:15:02] So I'm not really worried about burning the bridges with these clowns.

[00:15:06] If this was a real position, who knows?

[00:15:09] Maybe they were just trying to get a free coffee.

[00:15:11] So the text message said,

[00:15:13] OP said,

[00:15:14] Hi Simon, unfortunately I've decided to pursue other opportunities that don't require a pit

[00:15:19] stop at Starbucks on the way to the interview.

[00:15:22] Best of luck finding a candidate with the right blend of skills and coffee running enthusiasm.

[00:15:28] Simon replied saying,

[00:15:30] You should have told me that you weren't going to come to the job interview.

[00:15:33] You put me in a very bad position with the owner of the company.

[00:15:37] And again, Simon says,

[00:15:39] This was very unprofessional.

[00:15:41] And then it was followed by another message from Simon, which is a weird one.

[00:15:44] It says,

[00:15:44] Hi Simon.

[00:15:45] Unfortunately, I've decided to pursue other opportunities.

[00:15:48] Best of luck.

[00:15:49] Weird.

[00:15:50] Inquisitive Carrot says,

[00:15:51] Sounds like one of those people who's read too many articles by LinkedIn visionaries about

[00:15:56] how to hire the best employees.

[00:15:58] Give them a coffee order to bring to the interview to prove that they are dedicated

[00:16:01] and can follow directions.

[00:16:03] Or something like that.

[00:16:05] OP says,

[00:16:06] He wanted me to bring coffee because they had a lot of candidates.

[00:16:09] And he did all this effort to put in a good word with me for the owner.

[00:16:13] Yeah, right.

[00:16:14] Mental Intention says,

[00:16:15] Did he mean to send you the last message?

[00:16:18] Long B replies that saying,

[00:16:20] Nah, that was for the boss.

[00:16:22] OP should screenshot that and send it to the boss.

[00:16:25] OP says,

[00:16:26] The coffee request happened over the phone

[00:16:28] when interviewer was scheduling me with the owner of the company.

[00:16:31] Simon repeatedly requested a specific Starbucks coffee order

[00:16:34] because I owe him for putting in a good word for me.

[00:16:37] He repeatedly said that he wanted me to bring the coffee to the interview.

[00:16:41] He's a complete stranger to me and he was not joking and wanted the coffee for himself.

[00:16:45] Not the boss.

[00:16:46] I didn't go to the interview when I sent this text

[00:16:49] after Simon started calling me because I did not show up.

[00:16:52] I sent the email to the owner of the company with this screenshot

[00:16:55] and explained why I lost interest in the position.

[00:16:58] Edit.

[00:16:59] I made an update post with screenshots of the owner's response

[00:17:01] and more details clarifying the situation

[00:17:04] since I can't edit this post, but it was removed.

[00:17:07] Edit.

[00:17:08] Thank you everyone.

[00:17:09] This story made it in the news.

[00:17:12] The OP updates the post and says,

[00:17:14] my original post about an interesting job interview situation got a lot of attention

[00:17:18] and I wanted to provide some clarifications and updates. Thanks for all your comments and support.

[00:17:24] To recap, I got a call for an entry-level cold calling sales job. After a quick phone interview,

[00:17:30] they scheduled me in for an in-person interview with the owner the next day.

[00:17:33] They asked me illegal questions and demanded to bring specific coffee order to the interview.

[00:17:38] Now, let me fill in some details I didn't mention before. The interviewer, Simon,

[00:17:43] was also an immigrant. This partly explains his questions about my background.

[00:17:48] My accent didn't match my name and my last name was from a region close to where he's from,

[00:17:54] so he was curious. When I said I was from a completely different region,

[00:17:58] he asked about my parents, which I didn't answer. Simon called back to confirm that the owner will

[00:18:03] be available to attend and said there was a problem. When he asked what the problem was,

[00:18:08] he said that I owed him a coffee and gave me specific instructions. Medium-sized, cold,

[00:18:13] no sugar because he was dieting. At first, I thought he was joking, so I played along and

[00:18:18] asked if I should bring some donuts too. He said no because of high cholesterol.

[00:18:23] That's when I realized he was serious. He repeated that I owed him this coffee for

[00:18:29] tomorrow's interview because they had many candidates and he had put in a good word for me.

[00:18:33] He insisted I shouldn't let him down. It wasn't presented as a general requirement for all

[00:18:38] candidates, but as a personal debt I needed to repay. He genuinely expected me to bring him this

[00:18:44] specific coffee order to the interview. Despite finding it bizarre, I was desperate enough to

[00:18:49] consider attending the interview. Without coffee, obviously. However, thankfully, I got another job

[00:18:54] offer this morning from a company I was really looking forward to. I got busy submitting my

[00:18:59] fingerprints for the background check and completely forgot about Simon's interview.

[00:19:03] Simon started calling me after I didn't show up for the interview. I didn't pick up but decided to

[00:19:08] send him a message explaining I wouldn't be coming. He responded by saying that I'm unprofessional

[00:19:13] and that I put him in a bad position with the owner. See the screenshot. I felt the whole situation was

[00:19:19] more funny than serious. The company is very small, probably less than five employees, so I'm not

[00:19:25] really worried about burning bridges with these clowns. If it was even a real position and not a free

[00:19:30] coffee scam. That's why I don't think it warrants legal action as some suggested. However, I did find

[00:19:36] the owner's email in an online directory and sent them the whole story with screenshots. His response

[00:19:41] was very professional. See the screenshots attached to the post. I felt bad for Simon but was concerned

[00:19:47] his behavior could get the company in serious trouble if he keeps doing that. In retrospect, I think

[00:19:52] Simon was trying to lie to his boss and accidentally exposed himself. While I don't regret my decision,

[00:19:57] I hope this serves as a learning experience for everyone involved.

[00:20:02] So OP's message to the boss was, hey, redacted. Had an interesting interaction with your colleague

[00:20:08] today and thought you might want to know the full story. Yesterday, Simon had interviewed me for a

[00:20:13] sales rep position at your company and scheduled an interview with you today. Ten minutes later,

[00:20:19] he called me back and told me that the interview was confirmed but there is a problem. And I asked what

[00:20:23] is the problem. He told me that I need to bring medium-sized iced coffee from Starbucks with no

[00:20:28] sugar because he put in a good word for me. Also, he asked some illegal questions like my age,

[00:20:34] nationality and my parents' nationality. This experience led me to losing interest in the

[00:20:39] position and I believe that you were not told the whole story. Anyway, just wanted to bring it up to

[00:20:44] your attention and wish you luck with searching for the right candidate. The owner says, I'm sorry to

[00:20:49] hear your encounter with Simon turned you off from the position with our company. I understand how

[00:20:53] important first impressions are. I typically screen the candidates myself as I am from a sales

[00:20:59] management background. Have no visibility without either being there or receiving direct feedback

[00:21:04] from interested candidates as yourself. Thank you for taking your time sharing this important

[00:21:08] feedback. I will make sure this does not continue and wish you all the best finding the right

[00:21:13] opportunity. Best regards, the owner. Someone says to Opie on the back of this saying,

[00:21:19] the question of the coffee is really whether Simon wanted you to impress the boss with a gift or

[00:21:24] if he wanted you to bring the coffee for him. I'd be so curious to know what would have happened.

[00:21:29] Opie says yes, I'm pretty sure the owner was not aware of this. But now I'm going to turn this one

[00:21:35] to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:21:43] And now just a huge thank you for being here today, getting involved in the stories. Your love,

[00:21:48] your support, your time always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much. And hopefully

[00:21:53] I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.

[00:21:57] Bye.

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