My Husband Gave Away A Family Heirloom And Then Gaslit Me r/Relationships

[00:00:03] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first

[00:00:17] story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from OKPrestigiousGuest and says Am I the arsehole for wanting to leave my husband after he stole from me? When I was 5 my nana gave me her tea set. It was given to her by her mother. My nana

[00:00:34] had no daughters of her own and I was the only girl of her 11 grandchildren, so she gave it to me. It's a full bone china set. I don't know if it has monetary value but its sentimental

[00:00:46] value is immeasurable. I've kept it. I have had it, kept it, used it for nearly 28 years. I wanted to pass it down to my own daughter or granddaughter one day. My husband knows

[00:00:59] all of this. His sister and her family came to stay with us for a week. Whenever I have little girls over I pull out my tea set for a tea party. I make tea sandwiches, scones,

[00:01:09] cakes, biscuits. My nana made tea parties a big deal with me and I carry that on. So me, my sister in law and her daughter had an afternoon tea party. It was a couple of

[00:01:20] weeks after that that I had my friend and her daughters come to visit. I planned a tea party. Morning of I baked, made sandwiches and went to pull my tea set out and it was

[00:01:30] gone. I keep it in a cabinet in my kitchen. I wash it and put it away every time until the next time. I went a little mad looking for it. The visit came and went. I spent days

[00:01:42] tearing my house apart looking for it. Every cabinet, drawer, cupboard, the whole house was turned inside out. My husband even helped me. He was insistent that it couldn't have grown feet and walked away on its own. That's what gets to me. He knew damn well where it

[00:01:58] was but he pretended that I had misplaced it. He knew how upset I was and tried to comfort me with promises to buy me a new set, as though a new set could replace my nana's.

[00:02:08] A few weeks later he came home with a cheap thin looking set that he bought at Walmart or something. I threw it in the bin. Call me ungrateful if you want, I don't care. I was ungrateful. Something you treasure, something of great sentimental value given

[00:02:24] to you by your long dead nana cannot be replaced no matter how much or little in this case the replacement cost. Then I heard my husband on the phone. I heard him say that when we

[00:02:34] visit to put it away and tell Melly not to mention it because I'm still upset about it. He didn't say the words tea set but I knew, I KNEW that's what he was talking

[00:02:44] about. I walked in while he was still on the phone and called him a thief. He was like a deer in headlights. He quickly hung up and tried to explain. I wouldn't hear it. I

[00:02:53] told him to get it back. His sister called me and I called her a thief. I told her to return it in the same condition she took it or I'd be calling the police. Then I hung

[00:03:03] up on her. My husband tried reasoning with me. He told me his niece loved it so much and that kind of thing really is for little girls. He said he was going to talk to me

[00:03:13] about leaving it to her anyway. So where is the harm that she has it now? He said I was too old to be playing around with kids toys and I really should grow up. He said I was

[00:03:23] immature and it means nothing. What he meant is that it meant nothing to him, so I should forget it. The next day I not only went to the police to report the theft, I also called my brother who lives in the same city as my husband's

[00:03:37] sister. My brother went around and got my tea set. My husband was livid and spent a couple of days calling me a lot of derogatory names. His tune changed when he came home to find

[00:03:47] me packing my stuff. He stole from me, pretended he didn't know anything about it, insulted me, tried to gaslight me. Now he's saying how sorry he is and that we can work this

[00:03:57] out. I don't think we can. I look at him and see someone who steals from me, lies to me, makes me feel small, someone untrustworthy who doesn't care about me. Two of my brothers

[00:04:08] will be here tomorrow to help me move. I'm taking everything that means anything to me because I don't think I'll see any of it again if I leave it all with him. We can fight

[00:04:17] it out in court about the rest. I've been told I'm the asshole to leave him over a tea set. But it's not just a tea set. It's my nana's history. It's my history. It's years

[00:04:28] of happy memories with her, with my mother and other female relatives and friends. He stole all that from me when he gave it away. Am I the asshole for calling it quits? Absolutely not the asshole in this situation. Like whenever I come into stories like this,

[00:04:47] like you said yourself, he's untrustworthy and once the trust is broken in a relationship where else is there to go? And again, like you said, there was multiple levels of trust

[00:04:57] that was broken. First he stole from you and he lied to you. And when you was looking for it, you still laid it down and tried to get his family to lie about it at the time and

[00:05:08] was playing down the whole thing saying you're too old for this. You'll be playing children's games basically. I thought it was a really sweet idea and the vision I had in my head was really, really sweet. So please do keep up that little tradition with your family.

[00:05:22] I think that's wonderful. And you're absolutely right. It's not just a tea set. It is your history. It is all the memories that's wrapped up with it. So again, not the asshole. But there were some relevant comments. No stage says not the asshole. Glad you got it back

[00:05:37] and that you know it's time to go. Good luck. No, it says you are right. Good thing she knew it was time to go. Opie, he lied about this. What else has he lied about? Definitely

[00:05:48] take everything that means a small amount to you and let the courts decide what you can keep. Also do not drop the charges. Let his family learn that stealing has consequences.

[00:05:57] I'll be petty and get the tin set from Walmart out of the trash and send it to his sister with a return address with his name. Scorp says not only did he lie about it, he pretended

[00:06:08] to actively look for it while knowing full well how upset Opie was over the tea set missing, then even told his sister to hide it from view when they came over. He was wrong every

[00:06:19] step of the way. That is a different level of diabolical. He knew what he did was wrong. He lied and tried to cover his actions. He does not get to decide what Opie does with her things. This was a sentimental much love and used regularly treasured family heirloom.

[00:06:33] He has zero rights to it and some girl trying to tell Opie how she should feel about it and that she's too old for it. Not for him to decide. It's sort of giving me memories of the blanket story that we covered maybe about a year ago

[00:06:47] maybe now where the girl said she had a blanket that she kept from a young age and she used to smell it all the time and then the boyfriend took it outside, burned it behind her back

[00:06:55] and then gas lit her going forward. That's pretty horrific as well but four days later Opie comes in with an update and says, update just a tiny one because it's only been four

[00:07:05] days but my inbox is collapsing under all the message requests for an update. I am moved out. Two of my brothers and two of my cousins helped me to move. I took videos, pre during

[00:07:16] and post my leaving. There was some unpleasantness prior to them arriving but their arrival saw its end. They came with a moving truck. A whole truck. All I had packed was some luggage

[00:07:26] with my clothes and a few boxes of other stuff but they filled that truck and I have the soon to be ex on video helping them, laughing with them but when I gave him my house keys

[00:07:35] he was not looking at me with any love or regret. The plan was to move back in with my parents. All my brothers, my two cousins that helped me move and another cousin had

[00:07:45] a meeting of their minds on facetime the night before coming to help me. My brother who retrieved my tset opened his big mouth about the tset situation and they've become suspicious of just about everything. Due to those suspicions they decided my plan was rubbish and came

[00:08:00] up with one of their own. I moved into the third cousins home. He has top notch security, cameras, sensors, monitoring you name it he probably has it. My brothers have not let up about their suspicions. Suspicions are all they have and I'm going to see it stays

[00:08:15] that way. I'm not going to tell them anything. I love my brothers and I love my cousins. I do not want to spend the rest of my life visiting them in jail. I've taken some of

[00:08:25] the advice people offered. Making a missing items list, I'll be looking for photo evidence of these items. I have already spoken to my uncle's wife, the divorce lawyer. I was going to go with someone else because she's family but she's bound by lawyer client

[00:08:38] privilege. I've not blocked him so all the voicemail and SMS and Facebook messenger messages he's sending are getting through and being saved. I'm sure I'm leaving stuff out but that will have to do for now. I'm moved out. I'm safe. Thank you everyone. I'll let

[00:08:54] you know when I have more to tell. A couple of comments from the top so Alicia says I'm glad you left and hopefully in your divorce you can get your stuff back or the money from the things your husband stole

[00:09:04] from you. Honestly your ex-husband sounds like a jerk. Enough personality says well done for being so organized and getting out of there. I'm so pleased you have strong family support. Keep your chin up and best wishes for a happier future.

[00:09:17] Dirty Pen says went and read first post. Yeah fuck this prick. Use that police reporting court. Take everything you own and then own everything he does through court. Fuck that shit. And it does sound like OP has a wonderful family behind her having her back every step

[00:09:35] of the way. When OP was explaining about how the ex-husband was helping load up the truck and laughing with them and then suddenly changed when they weren't around says it all really to me. And I get where OP's coming from about not wanting to have, well super supportive

[00:09:55] but not wanting to get the cousins any further involved or the brothers because she's worried about them going to jail. You know I've been in similar situations in my past where not to do with marriage or anything like that but my bullying situations when I was younger

[00:10:08] if I told my brother he would have, I don't know what he would have done. But the worry of him going to jail stopped me doing that at the same time you know so I get where OP's

[00:10:17] coming from in that aspect as well. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story.

[00:10:49] Now our next story comes from the Am I the Arsehole Here subreddit from CriticalLemon4072 and says Am I the Arsehole Here for throwing out my sister-in-law and her family. My husband has two brothers and one sister. His sister and her husband are not my favorite people

[00:11:20] in the world. Recently they've been couch surfing as they lost their home. Long story which could have been avoided if they had adulted like they should have. First they stayed with my in-laws but they used the excuse that my father-in-law has diabetes to get

[00:11:34] rid of them and their rowdy children. Next was his older brother and his wife. They had two spare rooms and two of their older children moved out a year ago and they only

[00:11:43] have the 6 year old and their 13 year old twins at home. After 3 weeks they had to move out due to a planned refurbishment. They were happy with them as they were generally tidy and helped out in the home. The youngest brother was the next to take them in. While

[00:11:57] my sister-in-law was there she helped out in the home and kept her children on a leash. The youngest brothers wife is very house proud and she allowed them to stay for a limited

[00:12:06] time only as they have had a baby recently and a mother will be staying with them to help out for the first 6 months. Then they emotionally manipulated my husband to say ok.

[00:12:16] I agreed to it on the condition that she and her husband as well as their children keep the place clean. Because in the past the only place they are messy in is my home. For example

[00:12:26] if they are throwing something into the kitchen bin, they will throw it in the general direction of it and not in the actual bin. It's extra gross when it's food stuff that dries up and

[00:12:35] stinks out the place. Similar things happened in the past where she would leave her sanitary towels on top of the bin lid in the bathroom instead of in the bin. The fuck? Her oldest daughter started her periods recently and I asked the younger brothers wife how things

[00:12:50] were for tidying us. She said she had no complaints. They went to bed on time and kept the place clean however they were there for only 2 weeks. They are always tidy at the other houses,

[00:13:01] I know this from experience too. During Christmas and summer holidays when we stay over at each others places I have seen the difference in how they are at my place and the other places.

[00:13:11] Before they moved in I made the younger brother and my parents in laws witness them to agreeing to keeping my house clean as it is and to chip in with chores. If they broke the rules

[00:13:19] they would be out immediately. She fussed and denied past wrong doings but said as you wish your highness sarcastically. The first 5 days were smooth sailing. This morning I found a sanitary towel on top of the bin lid and not even wrapped properly. That is not

[00:13:40] all, her daughter is staying in my daughters room and she made a mess of the shampoo and conditioner in her bathroom and has left a tampon on the side of the sink forgetting

[00:13:48] it from last night. Her husband leaves early for work and the kitchen was a mess when I finally got downstairs. I have a curious toddler and I don't want him to pick up a bloody sanitary

[00:13:58] towel. I knocked on the guest room and told her to pack her shit and get out. She looked angry and tried to play innocent. She said it was only some blood and to chuck it in

[00:14:08] the bin if it bothered me so much. I told her no and picked up her suitcase throwing the stuff in it. At first she wouldn't leave the house saying she was going to wait for

[00:14:17] her brother as she doesn't take orders from me. I told her this house belongs to me too. I dropped her and her youngest ones off at my in laws. A few hours ago her husband came

[00:14:26] back from work and when I wouldn't let him in he made a scene. He went to my in laws but they don't want them there due to father in laws illness. When my husband returned

[00:14:36] from work my in laws turned up in our driveway with her and her family within 20 minutes. They are still standing outside squabbling about being let in. I refused to open the door

[00:14:47] and told my husband if he backs down he isn't welcome in our home either. So the family thinks I am the asshole here because I have never liked her and am using any excuse to get rid of her.

[00:15:12] But regardless as soon as she said as you wish your highness sarcastically I kicked their ass out of there. Holy moly the cheeky so and so. And then it just felt like because it came soon after

[00:15:25] the sanitary towel on top of the bin it just felt like that was on purpose to get at you. You know it might not have been but it certainly felt like that as I was reading it.

[00:15:35] And to do that is just grim. I don't blame you for kicking them out at all. Fair play to you. And I gotta be honest and you know I'm not playing down the situation but I did chuckle to

[00:15:44] myself when the scene that you painted for me as they turned up on your drive with the family trying to get them all back in your house like please take them take them. I've got this cartoon

[00:15:54] image of like the in laws trying to shoehorn them into your front door. But OP came in with a first update a day later and says yesterday my driveway looked like a scene from some Mexican

[00:16:07] standoff. They're out there discussing the matter while I refuse to go out and engage. After 2 hours yes 2 whole hours they left. They are currently at my in laws but they made a

[00:16:18] promise to return to discuss the matter tomorrow as everyone will be home from work and that way we could all find a workable solution. Well at least that is what my husband relayed.

[00:16:27] When my husband got inside I told him that I would not have them in my house. I told him that he could clean up after them which he did. After cleaning up he asked why I made him do that.

[00:16:37] I told him I was just so grossed out over other people's bodily fluids as he was and unlike him I wasn't biologically related to them. So he found that unsavory imagine how shitty I felt

[00:16:48] in the past cleaning up after them. He promised to buy a new bin and bleach the sink 3 times. Our strategy for tomorrow is that under no circumstances are they coming to live with us. His niece will be made to clean up the bathroom shampoo and condition a mess.

[00:17:02] He left that part for her. In the meantime our daughter can use our shower. We'll see how this turns out tomorrow. A few days later. Yesterday was a long day at my in-laws. We went early to

[00:17:14] get it over and done with. My in-laws started with the guilt trip first. They mentioned that they would take them in until they found a place but due to father in-laws diabetes it wouldn't be

[00:17:23] good for his health. I told them to tell their daughter to parent her children so they wouldn't run around and mock like monkeys. That way they could stay with them as they have spare bedrooms.

[00:17:33] That didn't land well with sister in-law. She went on a tirade of how I've always been jealous of her and that I was trying to drive a wedge between her and her brother. I told her she

[00:17:42] didn't like her own life so me being jealous of her and her life was a stretch that required suspension of reality. She asked my husband if he was okay with me telling him what to do with his family

[00:17:54] as he always stays out of family's business. She told him to lay down the law and tell me that his sister and her family would stay as long as it took them to find a new place to stay.

[00:18:05] My husband was having none of that. He told her that the house was mine just as much as his and it was a two yes and one no deal. Just because I would stay at home now didn't mean that I didn't

[00:18:15] contribute to buying the house when I was working. The younger brother and his wife said they wouldn't be able to host them as they had his mother in-law staying due to the baby. The older ones mentioned

[00:18:24] the refurbishments. Both the younger and older ones wives said I was making it up about the cleanliness as she always kept her own house clean and kept their places clean. They told me to suck

[00:18:34] it up and act like family. I told them I wasn't there to argue about her cleanliness as I saw what I saw and her brother was witness to it and had to clean it up. He confirmed that he did and I

[00:18:50] wasn't making it up. My sister in law slipped up and said why did you clean it up to her brother because according to her I was meant to clean it up. Either she is the dumbest bitch alive to admit it

[00:19:01] or she knows she has the whole family in her pocket. Either way I made it clear that she wasn't going to stay with me and because she got along much better with everyone else in the family

[00:19:10] they would figure out something around their own lives. My husband told his niece that she was old enough to clean up the remaining mess but she said no. Her father jumped in and said she is your

[00:19:21] niece but my daughter don't you dare tell her what to do. They got heated between them so they both had to walk it off. I told her and her husband that the only reason me and my husband were there was

[00:19:32] to get the money back for the bin we had to throw due to her sprinkling biohazards around the house. She laughed in my face and said it would never happen. I said fine I hope you realize that when

[00:19:43] I threw you out I didn't pack all your belongings. I still had her daughter's switch, a husband and her two younger ones tablets and some of her jewelry and a few other bits and pieces as it

[00:19:52] all happened so quickly that day. It would all be sold to recuperate my cost. We left but she was yelling loudly about what she would do to me if I dared sell anything. My husband has my back and

[00:20:04] he said go ahead and sell whatever you need to. Later on they kept texting my husband to do them one last favor by putting up with her for a few months until she got back on her feet.

[00:20:13] I told him that no matter what I wouldn't agree to let her, a slobby husband and a horde of children back in. They text me too, guilting me about his niece's education. With no place to stay close to

[00:20:26] her school she might have to start another school if they get a rental which isn't in the school zone. I text back tough luck and block them. My husband won't block his parents but was pissed at his

[00:20:36] brothers for telling him that he was selfish to not take them in as they were in a hard place in their lives. He did admit it was gross but excused her behavior by texting that maybe I did something

[00:20:45] to aggravate it. To top this off the oldest wife left a voice message through her husband's number to my husband's whatsapp. She said and I kid you not, you still okay to watch child's name

[00:20:56] which is a six year old on Tuesdays and Wednesdays like usual? I told him to say figure out what the answer to that request is. So that is where we are at now.

[00:21:06] I can't help but laugh at the ridiculous of that sister's logic. Like all the way through the update she was like poking at the OP being an absolute ass to OP. Said to her brother why didn't you clean

[00:21:19] it up? It was meant to be OP that was cleaning it up. All this, admitting to all this and then at the very end of the post says so are you taking this in or what? I mean what the fuck? But two

[00:21:30] days later OP comes in with another update and says went to pick up my children and had to stick around a little longer as a new family is moving to the area. The parents wanted to meet their

[00:21:39] children's classmates parents so we had a small meet and greet. The office brought my husband's older brother's daughter, the six year old to me as I'm the one that usually picks her up on

[00:21:49] Tuesdays and Wednesdays and she stays with me. No one had picked her up and when her teacher noticed me waiting in the hallway she asked an office admin to bring her to me thinking I was

[00:21:59] delayed due to meeting with the new parents. I told them that I wasn't responsible for her anymore on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. They took her back to the office and they must have called her mother.

[00:22:09] When I returned home from the meet and greet my husband said his parents had called him and spoken their mind to him about me abandoning their granddaughter. He also put his older brother's

[00:22:18] wife on the phone and she had a shouting match with my husband. Sister in law who I kicked out also had a few words with him. It ended with my husband telling his parents that they had lost the

[00:22:28] privilege to talk to him for a week and he would only unblock them when they give him and me a sincere apology. He explained that it was up to the parents to make pick up arrangements but I had made

[00:22:37] it clear I would no longer provide free services. The sister in law I kicked out is staying with her parents for now, her husband and a younger two and two of the older ones are staying with my in-laws.

[00:22:48] The other older two are and the other two younger ones are spread between the other two houses. So they made an indirect threat saying it would be a very temporary arrangement as she promised it

[00:22:57] wouldn't take long for her to make her brother see the light. I think I'm in for a long ride. I'm not excusing the bad behaviour but I just always find it so incredibly heartbreaking that

[00:23:41] this is the role models for them. There's the potential for them to grow up in the same way, treat people the same as you know sister-in-law is treating people and I find that heartbreaking.

[00:23:52] But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below and just a huge thank you

[00:24:01] from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's stories. Your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me so thank you so so much and hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.